The camera opens up with a shot of Jayson Price's smug face, coming live to you via Skype from Price Tower in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Price looks over to his right and motions to someone off camera.
Jayson Price: "Is the feed up?"
Cameraman Stu: "We're live!"
Jayson Price: "Excellent. WCF Universe, I am once again your King."
Some cheesy regal music plays over nearby speakers as Price pulls the WCF Internet Title into the picture and lays it over his shoulder. He motions for the music to cut and it does.
Jayson Price: "Now I came up short at Ultimate Showdown but I'm not crying about it. I'm sure there's more than a few of you who were hoping I'd curl up in a ball and stay locked away in a dark room for the rest of my life, but I'm not going anywhere. No, I'm staying right here and continuing my pursuit of becoming a 2 time WCF World Champion. But until that happens, you all have the privelage of once again being in the presence of the Internet King. Mr. 2 Time WCF Internet Champion. The most entertaining man in all of WCF, coming to you via the information superhighway 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year."
Price pauses to pull out his trusty silver flask and take a hefty swig.
Jayson Price: "And now that I am your WCF Internet Champion once again, I've decided that it's time for a change. A big change. And it starts with this here."
Price pulls the Internet Title off of his shoulder and holds it up close to the camera.
Jayson Price: "Everyone that's held this belt besides me has done a piss poor job of properly representing everything that it stands for. You think an Internet Champion is nothing more than a keyboard warrior? The Internet is not all about Facebook posts, tweets and pictures of what you had for dinner people. It's about a hell of a lot more than your bitching about your crappy lives."
Price pulls the belt back away from the camera as Stu appears in the shot holding a trash can.
Jayson Price: "And if I'm going to be your Internet King, I'm not going to follow the lead of those that held this belt before me. I'm not going to represent..."
Price gestures toward the logos plastered on the belt.
Jayson Price: "...Google. Firefox. Internet Explorer. Wait. Do people even still use Internet Explorer?"
Cameraman Stu: "Some people do."
Jayson Price: "Fucking morons. And look at this, Facebook. Twitter. Youtube. This thing is all about social media and funny videos. Well that's not what I'm about. Jayson Price isn't about dirt sheets or tweets or all the bitching that people do online. No, Jayson Price represents what the Internet was truly created for: Hardcore Pornography. Stu, my title belt."
Stu reaches off screen and comes back with a new Internet Title. Price dumps the old one into the trash can and holds up the new one for the camera to see.
Jayson Price: "You see that? This is the Internet Title that your King will be carrying with him at all times. A perfect representation of the best part of the Internet and what it was truly created for. No-"
Cameraman Stu: "Uh, Jayson. There's a problem."
Jayson Price: "What do you mean a problem?"
Cameraman Stu: "WCF.com is blurring out your title. No one can see what it looks like."
Jayson Price: "What? How the fuck are they blurring out my title when it's a live feed?"
Cameraman Stu: "They must be running it on a delay or something. I don't know, I'm just a cameraman. I don't know about production or editing or all that stuff."
Jayson Price: "Those mother fuckers! Get on the phone and fix this. Now!"
Cameraman Stu: "On it."
We hear Stu scramble away as Price sits back in his chair, looking unsure of what to do next. He pulls out his flask once again and takes a swig.
Cameraman Stu: "Okay, they're saying there's no way they can allow that belt to be shown on their website. It's a family product."
Jayson Price: "A family product? So they're good with people dying during matches but I can't show a title belt with porn website logos and an engraving of two lesbians scissoring?"
Cameraman Stu: "That's exactly what they're saying."
Jayson Price: "Those sons of bitches! You tell them to unblur my belt before I show up at their office and beat the shit out of each and every one of them."
Cameraman Stu: "Okay. They're saying they'll unblur it."
Jayson Price: "Good. Now then..."
Price again holds up the new Internet Title for everyone to see.
Jayson Price: "As I was saying..."
Cameraman Stu: "Problem!"
Jayson Price: "God damn it! What now?"
Cameraman Stu: "Censor bars. All they're letting people see is the leather of the belt and the words "Internet Champion". Everything else has black censor bars over them."
Jayson Price: "Are you kidding me? Damn it! They aren't going to let me do this, they're just going to keep messing with the image."
Cameraman Stu: "Well what are you going to do then?"
Jayson Price: "Well they don't want me showing it, I'll just describe it. Here..."
Price points to the censored logos.
Jayson Price: "Well this logo here is for Brazzers. Then you have Vivid. XVideos. Reality Kings. Porn Hub. Bang Bus. Tube 8. And finally, Playboy. I'm kind of a sucker for the classics. And then of course, right here in the center, an engraving of two women in the middle of scissoring each other. I really wanted to get the likenesses of two of the girls from Ultimate Surrender but none of them would give me permission. Apparently some whores have standards. Who knew!"
Price throws the new Internet Title over his shoulder as he pats it with his free hand.
Jayson Price: "And that's not all. Along with this new title belt, I'm officially announcing that I'm in the process of signing sponsorship deals with most of these sites. Apparently they're quite interested in expanding their marketing strategies and having someone that's on television each week wearing a t-shit with their logo or website name on it is quite appealing. So from this point forward expect to see me donning some sweet, free merchandise and getting paid for it. Starting with..."
Price turns and catches a t-shirt thrown to him by Stu. Price unfolds it and holds it up for the camera.
Jayson Price: "RoundandBrown.org. The number one site for you to see black women with incredible ass-ets getting down and dirty for your entertainment. And judging by what I saw from the free membership they gave me, they don't skimp on the dirty."
Price throws the t-shirt over his other shoulder.
Jayson Price: "And this isn't the end of my plans, it's only the beginning. I'm going to completely revolutionize the Internet Title and change what people think of it. No longer will the casual fan picture the Internet Champion as a pale, sweatpants wearing keyboard warrior. Just because the WCF puts an emphasis on the World Title and the United States Title and the Hardcore Title, that doesn't mean that the Internet Title should be thought of as being a third-rate title. It's high time this belt received the recognition it deserves and I'm going to make sure it gets it. So bring on Mech-Ana. Bring on Zombie McMorris. Bring on any and all challengers, I'll put this belt on the line every week against whoever wants a shot at the champ. Just not Lilith. I can't stand that crazy bitch."
Price shudders at the thought of Lilith. Then shudders a second, harder time at the thought of Sarah Twilight.
Jayson Price: "So be on the lookout WCF Universe, starting this Sunday night you're going to see my changes put into action. And if the WCF Management wants to try and put a stop to it like they tried doing this announcement, let them try. I'll just find ways around it and get what I want in the end. Just like in 2012 when I found a way to get a World Title Match against Jonny Fly."
Price winks at the camera.
Jayson Price: "And with that, I bid you adieu. Peace out bitches."
Cut to black. End scene.
