WCF Video Game: Slam 6/15

[Natural ICE Beckman]

(Natural ICE Beckman leans in and puts the WCF Video Game into his NES system. John Beckman puts down his empty whiskey glass with a rattle from the ice cubes. Natural ICE finds another beer as the old school system starts up on the TV.)

John: I cannot believe I am playing this again with you.

ICE: The PPV programming at your hotel must be broken.

John: Not broken, but rather dull. It was either this is or something called, The Lego Movie.

ICE: I loved Legos.

John: Just hit start...


ICE: Alright, remember we’re playing the matches on the card for Slam this week, right?

John: A WCF show which you just happen not to be participating in?

ICE: I have my own perfectly legal things to attend to this week.

John: Is that why I found a plane ticket to Thailand next to my drink?

ICE: So I am bad at playing by the rules; now just please pick your choice for the first match...

Game Narrator: "Next Match....BioWalker vs Jayson Price and Steve Orbit."

John: This guy looks a ninja doing construction work...so no.



John: And this guy looks like his membership at GMC is well deserved...so again no.




John: So, I will take the man whose pants are held up with a belt everyone wants to take off of him.




ICE: Ew, why did you put it like that?

John: Like you’re a stranger to bad poetry.

ICE: Well, I don’t want to be apart of BioWalker, so I guess we are partners and I will take him.



John: Alright the match has begun. Take that you steroid bitch!

ICE: Watch out, his bad grammar punch is leveling up.

John: Fuck this, I am tagging you in.

ICE: How do you like that Head-Butt!

John: You threw him back into his corner; he made a tag and here comes that Construction Worker Ninja guy.

ICE: Damnit, he is giving me a head-ache.

John: That, was a shitty pun, just tag me in.

ICE: There, you’re in the match as quickly as a diva would be let into a WCF party.

John: And there I pimp-slapped that bitch back to third grade!

ICE: Like Tyler Walker ever graduated from third grade.

John: One...two...three!...We Win!

ICE: We sure do...

John: Hey, why is your Price character grabbing at my title so much?



ICE: Just trying to raise your hand...plus, this game does updates.

John: I didn’t know a NES game could get internet updates.

ICE: Anything is possible when you believe in the all mighty Jesus.

John: Are you drunk?

ICE: Of course I am; it’s me...Duh.

(The Beckman brothers keep talking as they get ready the next match from the Slam card on the WCF Video Game.)

[Natural ICE Beckman]

John: So I can be either of these three?

ICE: If you don’t like your choices blame Seth and his “the more the merrier policy”, not me.

John: Says the man who rode that same wave into the WCF.

ICE: Says the man who suggested I join the WCF.

John: I knew you needed a constructive output after you punched my butler.

ICE: How is Jeeves anyhow?

John: About to be like you in this game, wishing for death, for I think I will go with the guy who is a ladies man such as I am.



ICE: You talking about the new girl you’re seeing?

John: She is quite fun and not in the way you’re thinking.

ICE: I didn’t say anything, you dawg...and Fine, I will be a new guy.



ICE: Not him, I don’t like clowns, especially clowns that do sucky rap.

John: How about that guy? I like his professional style with the suit.




ICE: He looks like a tool. So on second thought, I will be the sucky clown. The computer can be Adams.

Game Narrator: “Next match....Isaiah Chavis vs Alex Jones vs Adrian Adams.”

John: Oh, come on, what is going on with my guy?

ICE: Sorry, Alex likes to scan for ladies during every match.

John: Well, I can’t even see him now.

ICE: Yeah, most of the hot chicks are in the suites. Now time for me to finish off- damn! We pulled a Rookie Double Punch! Were both flying out of the ring!!!



John: Nice time to get back into the ring, and I get the win thanks to the count-out!

ICE: I think my guy and the other guy is up in the rafters of the arena.

John: Like hall of famers would be; that is a great honor for rookies.

ICE: Not when you’re only hanging up there by your bodies’ entrails after a finisher move from your opponent.

John: Thoughts like that prove you have hung out with Oblivion too much lately.

ICE: I still can’t close my eyes without seeing his “art”, but he sure was fun to party with.



John: That victory pose reminds me of my wins in the ring.

ICE: Really? I didn’t see any dinosaurs in the background?

John: Just get the next match set up.

(ICE Beckman hits start on the NES controller as he looks down at his print out of the Slam card in order to set up the next match on the WCF video game.)

[Natural ICE Beckman]

(John an ICE are sitting on the couch playing WCF the Video Game for the classic Nintendo system.)

John: Another triple threat match?

ICE: Yep and this time I get first pick.

John: Oh, this one has a few ladies.

ICE: And I think I will take this one, she looks fun.



John: That is your way of saying easy.

ICE: I personally find being easy a very fun quality in a woman.

John: Now I prefer a woman with a little less make up, like her.



ICE: She might have nice legs, but good luck opening them up.

John: Must you be so crude?

ICE: Sorry that I made fun of your video game wife.

John: Wait, I just remembered how divas can only pimp slap in this game.

ICE: Damnit, I forgot that.

John: Well unfortunately for you, you have already made your choice. Which leaves me with this guy...



ICE: Hmm, doesn’t seem like much.

John: Just hit the start match button.

Game Narrator: “Next match.... Mia Cross and Amber Valkyrie vs Mad Dog Diamond.”

ICE: And here comes the bitch slaps.

John: Look at you and the other diva go, looks like a regular night of work for Steve Orbit.

ICE: I don’t know, last time I saw Steve hit a girl, it kind of messed with him.

John: What kind of Pimp is- Wait, what is with my guy? He is just crying in the corner.

ICE: And I am kicking him while he is down.

John: What kind of loser did I pick?

ICE: Just press the Bring up the Past button.

John: Holy crap! He is huge now! Take that bitches!



ICE: Why did I tell you about that?!!

John: Look at my guy take out his childhood issues, with a power bomb! And a power slam!

ICE: Just pin me and get this over with.

John: One...Two....THREE!!!

ICE: Alright, I need to stop your winning streak. I am setting up the next match.

John: And look, it’s another triple threat...my specialty.

ICE: I thought that your specialty was the ladies.

John: When you’re as talented as you have multiple specialties.

(The Beckman brothers each steal a few drinks between matches.)

[Natural ICE Beckman]

(John Beckman and his brother, Natural ICE Beckman, who is your WCF United States Champion, are sitting on ICE’s couch within is Foam Lake cabin, playing the day away with the NES game, WCF the Video Game.)

ICE: Alright, ready to pick your wrestler?

John: Well, let’s see, I want to pick wisely, since I want to continue my three match winning streak.

ICE: Technically we both won the first match.

John: Yes, but the only part I care about is that I won.

ICE: Just pick already.

John: Let’s see first we have this guy, Mr. Jason Xavier.

ICE: I wonder if he has any relation to Professor X from the X-men.



John: Only if he is some long lost cousin that ran away to join a gang.

ICE: He does seem to be a street baller, as they say, don’t they?

John: How would I know, I went to Harvard, which is exactly why I won’t be picking him.

ICE: How about her, she looks like a fox?



John: I do like a pretty face, but I don’t like how the divas only bitch slap aspect of this game.

ICE: Sorry the game is so realistic. So, if she is a no go, that leaves you with one last choice.



John: Teddy Blaze, sounds like a 1980s wrestling name?

ICE: 10 to 1 odds that guy has flames on his wrestling tights somewhere.

John: Maybe, but he is my choice, so be ready to get your ass kicked by a guy’s whose name could double as a Vegas magician’s name.

ICE: Alright, I am going with Xavier, he has street smarts I bet.

Game Narrator: “Next match.... Arabella Montgomery vs Jason Xavier vs Teddy Blaze.”

John: Alright, the match has begun, holy shit this bitch is slapping me hard.

ICE: I will get her off you, damn, what the hell? This bitch is kicking my ass too!

John: Is the computer set to extremely hard or something?

ICE: Damn, she just bitched slap me out of the ring.

John: Who is this chick? For she is kicking out asses.

ICE: Ara-something Mont-something.

John: Whatever her name is, she is about to beat us.

ICE: Don’t worry, I have a secret weapon.

John: Is that a tire iron?

ICE: My guy got it from the streets, yo!




John: Damn, you knocked that girl around worse than Chris Brown would have!

ICE: And now to get the cover.

John: I am coming to break it up!

ICE: And...THREE...I Win, your streak is over.

John: Damn, I couldn't stop the pin attempt in time, looks like I pulled an ICE.

ICE: Please, don’t say that, I would hate to have that become an actual phrase.

John: Don’t worry, I think pulling an ICE around WCF will always mean, being a goofy drunk.

ICE Damn Right! Alright next mach....

(ICE finds he printed out card on the coffee table in order to set up the next match on the Slam card.)

[Natural ICE Beckman]

(ICE finishes chugging another beer, throwing the empty can behind the couch, before looking over to his brother to see if he is ready for the next video game match.)

ICE: Ready?

John: To leave, yes.

ICE: Oh come on, you love this brother bonding sessions.

John: I suppose it’s better than sitting in on mother’s tea parties.

ICE: You hung out with a bunch of old women drinking tea?

John: Sounds boring, until cocktail hour, than those horny old ladies start stuffing wads of $100s into my pockets after telling me my ass won’t quit.

ICE: Everyone needs something to boost their ego I guess.

John: Your boosts just happen to come in cans and go on sale at Cosco Liquor once a month.

ICE: Well, in this next match, I know who I am being.

John: Really you are going to be him?



ICE: Him and I are not okay right now due to his new found giant asshole of a mouth, but maybe I can help him out by controlling him for a while.

John: How come he is mad at Catsy as well?

ICE: I don’t know, but I fear for Catsy, he is probably scared and at some animal shelter looking for a new home.

John: You know he is a robot cat, right?

ICE: A robot cat...with a heart of gold.

John: Right, well then, if you are Logan...I get him.



ICE: You should like him; he is British and a big old snob.

John: You say snob like it’s a bad thing.

ICE: Alright, I am hitting start, get ready.

Game Narrator: “Next Match.... Sir William Cambridge vs Logan.”

John: Wow, look at my guy’s entrance, if it rains he would drown with that nose up in the air like that.

ICE: And look at Logan’s entrance, he keeps trying to hit the fans.

John: Why is he doing that?

ICE: He blames them for his dirty appearance on them for looking at him wrong.

John: And there is the bell, here we go!

ICE: Whoops! I dropped my controller!

John: I am kicking your butt!

ICE: Darn, I just kicked my controller under the couch.

John: What are you doing? I am wailing on you!

ICE: I am scratching myself.

John: Well at least you’re doing your starching with your controller.

ICE: Look, it’s making Logan spin around and around in circles.

John: Bam! That’s my finisher! What’s that called?

ICE: The Royal Decree!

John: If there is one thing you are nice about, it’s getting to know the rookies.

ICE: What can I say, there is a reason ICE rhymes with Nice.

John: And Bam, I hit my Royal Decree and with the pin I win, again!!!

ICE: You know I am using the controller to clean the dirt from my boots right now, right?

John: And that is the three count, I win.

ICE: Man, that sure was tough for you.

John: Wow, my guy is sure loving his win, wow, is he putting a U.K. Flag into Logan’s chest?

ICE: Pretty cool, right?

John: Pretty gruesome.



ICE: Alright, next match, I am sick of not trying with Logan.

John: Not trying and Logan...do those things go together?

ICE: We should just move on.

(ICE finally starts using his controller again to set up the next match on the WCF Video Game.)

[Natural ICE Beckman]

(ICE Beckman adjusts himself into a new comfortable sitting position on his brown plaid couch. Next to him is John Beckman, wearing a polo shirt and a pair of Khakis from the Gap.)

John: Well, here we go again I suppose.

ICE: If you hate playing video games so much, you can just head back to your hotel.

John: Well the air conditioning is out at my Holiday Inn off the highway,

ICE: I can tell by the way your hair is all fluffy.

John: I will have you know I am doing a three part treatment with seven different shampoos in order to find my hairs glory again.

ICE: How are we brothers?

John: It’s a whole nature versus nurture question.

ICE: Alright, time to pick our wrestlers and well I suppose I’ll just pick a turtle in a half shell.



John: Your ninja skills never will compare to him.

ICE: I know, I burp too much to be a ninja.

John: That is true, but if you get to be a ninja thing, I at least get to be...



ICE: Colin is no ninja, but he is a feisty fighter.

John: Feisty Fighter? Is that a compliment?

ICE: It’s not an insult?

John: So what is it?

ICE: It’s something.

John: Well I am proud to be something then, I guess.

Game Narrator: “Next Match....Diablo Calzone vs. Colin Marshall.”

ICE: I am going to kick your ass in this match.

John: Wait, do you have weapons?

ICE: I am a fucking ninja turtle, of course I do.

John: Well that’s not fair; I want my own pair of sai.

ICE: You better stop whining about what you don’t have and start running.

John: I am out of the ring, come chase me.

ICE: I am going to slice and dice you like your BeBop and Rocksteady.

John: Who?

ICE: Oh I forgot you didn’t watch cartoons as a kid.

John: Father thought it best that I only read. Now keep following me, back into the ring.

ICE: Damn, come back here bitch.

John: And bam, I gain the advantage as you get back into the ring. Kick, kick, kick.

ICE: I am literally a turtle stuck on its back. That was a dirty trick.

John: You forget I wrestled as a heel.

ICE: BOOOOO!!

John: Boo you, you’re the one doing it the boring way...the “Face” way...and you’re also the one getting his ass kicked in this game.

ICE: Well time for my secret weapon.

John: More weapons? What’s next? A Bazooka?

ICE: Splinter would never approve of that, it’s not the way of the ninja.

John: Wait, what the hell is that? It looks like a yellow fat ghost.

ICE: It’s the spirit of Jam Willy Jesus!!



John: What the hell? My guy won’t stop looking at it. He is in a trance.

ICE: And I stab you in the spine.

John: Oh come on now, this is bull shit!

ICE: It’s Turtle Power! And if you weren’t such a dork as a kid you’d know what I am talking about.

John: Just pin me already, I am dying in a pool of my own blood.

ICE: One....Two....Three! Diablo Calzone Wins!

John: Diablo Calzone cheats.

ICE: I keep telling you, I am a ninja fucking turtle, and ninja turtles have weapons. Don’t be a sore loser because you didn’t get to watch Duck Tales, Ren and Stimpy and Rocko’s Modern Life as a child.

John: Have you ever even read a book?

ICE: I read the good book all the time.

John: You read the bible?

ICE: Bible? No, I meant the autobiography of Vince Lombardi, The Packers Legendary coach...it’s a good book.

John: Let’s just get to the next match; we have a lot of the card still left.

ICE: It’s not like we have to finish; it’s not like anyone is watching this.

(The two boys look around the cabin suspiciously as some eerie music plays them to the end of the segment.)

[Natural ICE Beckman]

(Natural ICE Beckman and John are playing the next Slam card on the WCF Video Game.)

John: Wow, look at this big tag match.

ICE: How about we stop this a feudin’ and a fussin’ and team up for this one?

John: I suppose we can team up for now, but I owe you for stabbing me in the back.

ICE: Sorry, but Mother forced it out of me. And calling it a stabbing in the back is a bit dramatic.

John: Wait, I was talking about the last match on the game, what are you talking about?

ICE: Um, never mind, so which team do you want to be? I will let you pick.

John: I am finding out what you squealed to mom about before this night is over, trust me on that.

ICE: It’s in the vault!

John: And the key to that vault is that beer in your hand, so I will be patient for now....let’s see who I want us to be.

ICE: Well first you got The Big Time Jerkoffs.

John: What the hell is a Manstar?



ICE: You’re looking at one.

John: Oh and this guy, doesn’t he have like a million team mates?



ICE: They come and go and lucky for us some of them never come back.

John: So, I think it’s a no to the Big Time Jerks...who is next?

ICE: My Two Jordans.

John: Is that really their tag team name?

ICE: No, I just made it up.

John: Well, here is Jordan number one...nothing special.



ICE: Now that should be their team name, Nothing Special.

John: Let’s see, Oh yes Caliban, you’re old buddy.



ICE: I refuse to be on his team and I especially will not play as him.

John: That leaves us with...

ICE: The shadow demons.

John: Alright, fine we can be them, but I am not the diva.



ICE: Fine, I will be her, anything is better than being Caliban.

John: And I will take this brute.



ICE: Alright, I am hitting start match.

Game Narrator: “Next Match.... Big Time Jerks vs Caliban/Jordan Ciserano vs Shadow Demons.”

John: Oh, man, there is no tagging.

ICE: Its Tag Team madness and shitty 8-bit technology, give me a break!

John: Come here you little bald boy and a perfect body slam and now I am...sitting on his head?

ICE: Whatever works, but while you’re busy sitting down, I am getting my ass kicked by Nothing Special.

John: I am coming, out of the way beard guy...and huge clothesline that sends him out of the ring.

ICE: Never mind the help, I bitch slapped the bitches out of the corner.

John: Well now Damn, the little bald guy is on my back and biting me!

ICE: I am coming- oh man, the Jordan’s have me again.

John: Damnit, now beard guy is back and gnawing on my ankle.

ICE: Fuck, enough of this diva bitch slap shit, time to go Med-evil on these boys.

John: Wait! You have a sword! Why didn’t you pull that out right away?

ICE: I kinda forgot I had it.

John: Well then cut these fools off me already then.

ICE: Oh man chopping off the Jordan’s heads was more fun than it looked.

John: Hurry, the Jerks got me down for a pin.

ICE: Hard to pin a guy without heads, huh Big Time Jerkoffs!!

John: Wait, it says we won, but we didn’t pin anyone.

ICE: I am not sure the official WCF rules, but I am pretty sure you don’t have to bother with the pin after decapitation.

John: Well that was a good win, I would say.

ICE: Indeed, let’s celebrate by raising our hands- Whoops.

John: Well nice going, you cut my fucking arm off.



ICE: Sorry about that.

John: Oh great now my guy just passed out from blood loss. Enough of this match, I am going to the bathroom, get the next match ready, I need a little revenge.

(John gets up from the couch with a stretch as ICE finds another beer from his nearby cooler.)

[Natural ICE Beckman]

(John Beckman returns from the bathroom as ICE Beckman finishes chugging the beer he just opened minutes ago. John sits down on the couch, grabbing his NES controller as he does.)

John: Alright what do we have next?

ICE: It’s a fatal four-way for the Television Title.

John: Don’t you mean Cinema Title?

ICE: What is with SPAC members? If they aren’t stealing titles they are renaming them.

John: Alright, since you cut off my arm last match, and you pulled a classic little brother move and tattled on me to mother, I am picking first.

ICE: How about this, guy, he is a WCF veteran.



John: He may be a veteran, but anyone who proudly displays the rebel flag isn’t okay with me.

ICE: Because of its ties to slavery?

John: Because of its ties to stupidity.

ICE: What about him, he is a writer and you love books.



John: I like good books and good wrestlers...so not him either.

ICE: Well make up your mind already.

John: This is my guy, I like his style.



ICE: And by that you mean you like his first name.

John: What can I say; it’s a name of Kings.

ICE: And toilets.

John: Just pick your guy.

ICE: I think I will go with him; I have always liked asking questions.



John: I have never noticed that about you.

ICE: Haven’t you?

John: Just hit start.

ICE: So you want me to hit start?

Game Narrator: “Next match... Doc Henry vs Bryan Worthy vs Peter Quinn vs John Gable.”

John: And here we go...what’s up Doc? Not you after that powerslam.

ICE: I thought Father didn’t let you watch cartoons, how do you know about Bugs Bunny?

John: I still knew about how Bugs Bunny is a Doctor Bunny.

ICE: You sure about that?

John: Umm, actually, no.

ICE: How do you like my foot in your face, Mr. Quinn?

John: Damn, Doc Henry just irish whipped me!

ICE: What the hell John? Why did you just run into me?

John: I was thrown into you, by Doc.

ICE: Why do you always have an excuse?

John: There I kicked Doc out of the ring, now I can finish you and then Peter-, wait, where is Quinn?

ICE: Is that him working on his writing with the fans?

John: He is trying to sign autographs, but they keep getting thrown back in his face.

ICE: Enough about him, are you trying to hit me with Gable’s finisher, the City Lights?

John: Trying and succeeding, time to pin you and win- wait, what now?

ICE: Oh crap, does it look like the computer Doc Henry hit the South Will Rise Again button?

John: Of course it does, that must be why there are Civil War Southern soldiers everywhere!



ICE: Did you just see them shoot Peter Quinn?

John: Sorry I was busy being bayoneted by a Running Rebel.

ICE: So are you too hurt to help me?

John: Well I am dead, so I think so.

ICE: Is this the end of me as Bryan “Buzz” Worthy?

John: Yep, Doc’s pinning you for the 1...2...3.

ICE: Did the computer just win?

John: I think it did.

ICE: Did that make you sad?

John: Stop with all the questions already!

ICE: Why? Do they make you mad?

John: Just shut up and get the next match ready.

ICE: Would that make you happy?

(John rolls his eyes and allows the harsh taste of straight whiskey to dull his frustrations with the antics of his younger brother, Natural ICE Beckman.)

[Natural ICE Beckman]

(John Beckman and ICE Beckman are playing the 6/15 Slam card on the WCF Video Game. ICE is letting the beer begin to find his brain as he reminisces about glory days in his past.)

ICE: I remember this one time in college, with me and three ladies.

John: You never went to college.

ICE: No, but they were at least community college girls, and boy were they drunk as we began undressing before our four way-

John: Alright, I believe you that you have been in a four way before this match. Now enough crudeness, let’s see who we have to pick from this time.

ICE: I am picking first, and I am not taking her, I drink enough without having to add more booze to my diet in order to keep the inner voices quiet.



John: I don’t think I will take her either. I only like girls that don’t think and can focus on my issues only.

ICE: I think I will go with him.



John: Didn’t you spend beat him in the ring after spending the week making fun of him?

ICE: That is exactly why I want him; he has gone to the ICE Beckman School of ass kicking.

John: Alright, then who will I take...hmmm, another Diva.



ICE: Yeah, lately the WCF has a lot of new Divas, hopefully some of them will be up for my line of WCF Porno movies.

John: That is an absurd idea.

ICE: According to my marketing research wrestling fans are mostly lonely nerds who masturbate more times a day than they brush their teeth.

John: That is disgusting, and I am going with this guy.



ICE: Because of the name thing again?

John: Maybe, now hit start match.

Game Narrator: “Next match... Marina Valdivia vs Johnny Reb vs Ana Valentine vs Terry Roberts.”

ICE: Maybe I shouldn’t be kicking Marina in the gut over and over.

John: How come?

ICE: Synn saved her last week on Slam.

John: Well it looks like she is saving him from Dentist bills by bitch slapping your teeth out.

ICE: Just focus on your own Diva.

John: I am just about to pile driver her- what the hell? Is that a phone booth? Hey, my wrestler is gone!

ICE: Did you hit the A button?

John: Yes, Natural, I pressed one of the two buttons on the controller.

ICE: Then you just went into Johnny Reb’s Excellent Adventure Time Machine mode.

John: What do I do now that he has disappeared?

ICE: I need a fresh beer.

John: I am not fetching you a new beer.

ICE: It’s the least you could do after leaving me alone with these two CPU controlled bitch slappers!

John: You do seem to be the catnip in a cat fight right now.

ICE: Time to Hulk Up...or at least Synn Up!

John: What does that mean? Try real hard and be happy with that?

ICE: That means throwing this bitch out of the ring and giving this other bitch a big boot over the top rope. Hey, look at that, I cleared the ring.

John: And look at that... I am back from my time machine adventure!

ICE: Oh crap, and you brought a friend.

John: Is that Attila the Hun?

ICE: That sure is.

John: Well he is a handy friend to have indeed, for he just slammed you skull first into the mat.

ICE: Just pin me quick, please.

John: Why quick?

ICE: Attila the Hun liked to pillage, he liked to fight and he like to-

John: Oh my, too late, he is really going to town on your backside there.

ICE: Like I said, just pin me already.

John: 1...2...3...and You’re Welcome.

ICE: You're Welcome? Rehashing your old catch phrase there.



John: Look at my glorious victory with Attila.

ICE: He stole my innocence.

John: Oh you’re not so innocent.

ICE: I am too!

John: Didn’t you just brag to me earlier about a three way with college girls?

ICE: Yeah, I guess you’re right; I have been around the block a few times.

John: Try stopping at the Doctor next time around the block to check for STDs.

ICE: I thought we’re having fun playing a video game, don’t go and pull a Seth and ruin my fun.

(John smiles at his younger brother’s sulking behavior as the scene fades to an end.)

[Natural ICE Beckman]

(ICE is quickly picking the wrestlers needed for the next match as John Beckman pours himself another glass of smooth brown booze, aka whiskey.)

John: Finally back to a normal single’s match.

ICE: Yeah, Seth likes his multiple wrestler matches.

John: Maybe if WCF had a wall like our Menacing border should.

ICE: I knew you were a racist, just like I told mom.

John: So that was the blabber mouth secret you told mom about me, then?

ICE: Actually no, that was just something we talked about on our Sunday conversation.

John: She is calling you weekly now, that’s surprising of her.

ICE: Guilt can be a hell of a persuader.

John: Well then, since you tattled tailed on me, I should get to pick my wrestler first in this next match.

ICE: Surrre. I guess I was right, guilt is a hell of a persuader.

John: Let’s see should I be a reformed self-indulgent jerk?

ICE: You should, or wait you weren’t talking about yourself, you were talking about...



John: I was, and I don’t want to be him, I hate quitters.

ICE: That leaves you with a man I am proud to once call my partner.

John: I may not like his style, but I like his results.



ICE: You should try hanging out at one of his party’s.

John: Really, does he have a good jazz quartet?

ICE: Never mind, his party’s might be a little X rated for you.

John: Like wearing white after Labor Day bad?

ICE: Yeah...uh, something like that?

Game Narrator: “Next Match.... Brent Alpine vs Oblivion.”

John: Here I come with all my midgets and whores in chains behind me.

ICE: Alright, start throwing them at me.

John: Here is her, and him, and both of them....what the? I can’t hit you!

ICE: Alpine is quick, he is able, he is-Oh crap!

John: About to be pinned by my monster.

ICE: Not yet, I pressed my other button!

John: Is that a pig?

ICE: No, it is Alpine’s manager Percy Micro to save the day!

John: He is really taking his time.

ICE: Give him a break, he isn’t a wrestler, he is a manager. You think Bobby Henan or Jimmy Hart were running marathons in their time?

John: There time was the 1980s, which meant they did coke....so yeah those two would have made better time than Mr. Bacon here.

ICE: Hey, he did the job and distracted the ref before three.



John: And here I am out of midgets and whores to throw at him.

ICE: Distraction achieved!

John: You can’t pin me with a school boy roll up! I am a monster!

ICE: Oh yeah...1...2...Oh, you’re right.

John: Now time to make you into ground beef!

ICE: Don’t you mean ground kangaroo?

John: What are you talking about?

ICE: He is Australian, duh.

John: Whatever he is, I just grabbed him by the throat.

ICE: Come on Percy help me now...I am tapping B over and over!

John: He is trying, but he has to use the steps to get up to the ring apron.

ICE: Damn that high pitched pig and his short damn legs!!

John:1...2...3....The Monster Wins!!!

ICE: If only the Trios Cup ended like that.

John: Then you would have been partners with Logan for the Tag Titles match.

ICE: Yeah, good point, that wouldn’t have been bad.

John: I think you say that, but secretly I think you miss the guy.

ICE: He has the charm of a good romp in the bed that leaves you with a nasty STD.

John: I actually think that is about right as for a description of Logan.

ICE: Now let’s get the next match started; you are winning more than I like to see.

John: For teaching you a lesson about true winning...You’re Welcome.

ICE: Enough with the old sayings from your past pro wrestling gimmick.

John: Alright, but just so you know, I have that quote printed on a bunch of t-shirts in an old box if you would like one.

ICE: Sure, I would love one....for laundry day.

(John gives ICE a glare, as ICE finds his own joke to be super witty as usual.)