Jonny Fly Speaks about Waylon Cash's Attack
Apr 15, 2014 9:34:50 GMT -5
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Post by Jonny Fly on Apr 15, 2014 9:34:50 GMT -5
Jonny Fly walks alone down a New York City street. Fly is dressed in his standard attire, black dress slacks, a white long-sleeve button down shirt, tie, and dress shoes. He’s just placed a call on his cell phone and holds the phone to his ear.
Fly: Yes, I need to order a bouquet of flowers that I’d like to have shipped to a friend. I need to send a card with it too.
…
Fly: It really doesn’t matter what type of flowers.
…
Fly: Yes, his name is Waylon Cash.
…
Fly: Macon, Georgia
…
Fly: Fuck, I don’t know. 101 Imanoverratedjobber Lane? Look it up for me.
…
Fly: Alright, good. I need the card to read “Congratulations on again showing off your salty vagina. Next time you put your hands on me, I will eradicate you like the annoying little bug you’ve always been. Not only you, but S-PAC, Scott, Roxeanne, that whole redneck clusterfuck you call a family. Pick a fight you can win, bitch. I’m above you. Forever and always, That Guy Who’s Beaten You Five Fuckin’ Times.”
…
Fly: Oh wait, write this too: “P.S.: What’s it like to watch a turkey do something you’ve never been able to? Gobble > Cash.”
…
Fly: Oh no, thank you!
With that, Fly hangs up his phone and sets it back into his pocket. It’s about this time when he notices that a camera is following him. Fly smiles, and motions for the camera to continue rolling. He takes in a deep breath and begins.
Fly: Let’s recap last week for a minute. John Gobble, a man turned turkey turned man again, performed the rarest of feats in the wrestling industry. He pinned me. I accept that. He joins a list of just two other men, Steve Orbit and Jayson Price – my Pantheon brethren. If that wasn’t shocking enough, then Waylon Cash comes out and decides to attack me while I’m taking my post match siesta. I have absolutely, one-hundred percent, no problem losing to Gobble. It happened. It WON’T happen again, but it happened. I have a big problem with Waylon though.
Fly pauses briefly. As he continues to walk, he searches for the next words. They come out in a much darker, angrier tone.
Fly: Waylon Cash is the epitome of what is wrong with this industry. He’s the new Sarah Twilight. This man is heading into his fourth World Title opportunity in seven months. He doesn’t deserve it. He’s blown too many chances to count, yet, here he is thrown back into our faces. Why? Because Waylon is a conniving little fuck. There’s no drama in a Steve Orbit versus Waylon Cash match. The whole fuckin’ world knows exactly how this match ends. I’m not bias because Orbit is in Pantheon, all you have to do is watch the two wrestle and you can see who’s better. Nonetheless, Waylon acts like a bitch, steals the World Title, and pisses off the right people and here he is – WORLD TITLE SHOT!
Fly: Well played, Waylon. You get to job in the biggest event of the month yet again. Every time he gets on one of these little trips where he starts to think he’s a Main Event talent, people like Steve Orbit and I smack the shit out of him. Here’s the cold hard truth; Waylon Cash can’t hang with the best. His career is defined by mediocrity. His middle name should be ‘Missed Chances.’ That…or Flyjobber, whatever fits best. Waylon attacked me when he did because if he knows that if I was on my feet he would never have a hope in hell of touching me. I’m too good, and he more than anyone knows that. You stack my career accomplishments next to Waylon’s and it’s like trying to measure up a fuckin’ Lincoln Log to the Eiffel Tower.
Fly: Here’s the problem though, you don’t change the hierarchy in this company by being a bitch. You’re just going to end up pissing me off, and a pissed off Jonny Fly is the absolute, unequivocally, last motherfuckin’ thing ANY sane wrestler should ever want to experience. Right now, I’m pissed, but I’m not going to do anything about it – not yet. This is Steve Orbit’s world. Still, let me make this very clear to everyone, S-PAC or not; right now I’m like a bear in hibernation. I’m just hanging out. I’m taking care of this Hot Fry fiasco and supporting Pantheon. You all know that if I want to flip that fuckin’ switch and burry every_single_one of you, I can. The next person who wants to attack me better think long and hard about the consequences. I won’t issue another warning.
Fly turns and stares at the camera momentarily. He turns forward and continues walking down the street, muttering only…
Fly: Cut the tape.
The scene comes to a close.
Fly: Yes, I need to order a bouquet of flowers that I’d like to have shipped to a friend. I need to send a card with it too.
…
Fly: It really doesn’t matter what type of flowers.
…
Fly: Yes, his name is Waylon Cash.
…
Fly: Macon, Georgia
…
Fly: Fuck, I don’t know. 101 Imanoverratedjobber Lane? Look it up for me.
…
Fly: Alright, good. I need the card to read “Congratulations on again showing off your salty vagina. Next time you put your hands on me, I will eradicate you like the annoying little bug you’ve always been. Not only you, but S-PAC, Scott, Roxeanne, that whole redneck clusterfuck you call a family. Pick a fight you can win, bitch. I’m above you. Forever and always, That Guy Who’s Beaten You Five Fuckin’ Times.”
…
Fly: Oh wait, write this too: “P.S.: What’s it like to watch a turkey do something you’ve never been able to? Gobble > Cash.”
…
Fly: Oh no, thank you!
With that, Fly hangs up his phone and sets it back into his pocket. It’s about this time when he notices that a camera is following him. Fly smiles, and motions for the camera to continue rolling. He takes in a deep breath and begins.
Fly: Let’s recap last week for a minute. John Gobble, a man turned turkey turned man again, performed the rarest of feats in the wrestling industry. He pinned me. I accept that. He joins a list of just two other men, Steve Orbit and Jayson Price – my Pantheon brethren. If that wasn’t shocking enough, then Waylon Cash comes out and decides to attack me while I’m taking my post match siesta. I have absolutely, one-hundred percent, no problem losing to Gobble. It happened. It WON’T happen again, but it happened. I have a big problem with Waylon though.
Fly pauses briefly. As he continues to walk, he searches for the next words. They come out in a much darker, angrier tone.
Fly: Waylon Cash is the epitome of what is wrong with this industry. He’s the new Sarah Twilight. This man is heading into his fourth World Title opportunity in seven months. He doesn’t deserve it. He’s blown too many chances to count, yet, here he is thrown back into our faces. Why? Because Waylon is a conniving little fuck. There’s no drama in a Steve Orbit versus Waylon Cash match. The whole fuckin’ world knows exactly how this match ends. I’m not bias because Orbit is in Pantheon, all you have to do is watch the two wrestle and you can see who’s better. Nonetheless, Waylon acts like a bitch, steals the World Title, and pisses off the right people and here he is – WORLD TITLE SHOT!
Fly: Well played, Waylon. You get to job in the biggest event of the month yet again. Every time he gets on one of these little trips where he starts to think he’s a Main Event talent, people like Steve Orbit and I smack the shit out of him. Here’s the cold hard truth; Waylon Cash can’t hang with the best. His career is defined by mediocrity. His middle name should be ‘Missed Chances.’ That…or Flyjobber, whatever fits best. Waylon attacked me when he did because if he knows that if I was on my feet he would never have a hope in hell of touching me. I’m too good, and he more than anyone knows that. You stack my career accomplishments next to Waylon’s and it’s like trying to measure up a fuckin’ Lincoln Log to the Eiffel Tower.
Fly: Here’s the problem though, you don’t change the hierarchy in this company by being a bitch. You’re just going to end up pissing me off, and a pissed off Jonny Fly is the absolute, unequivocally, last motherfuckin’ thing ANY sane wrestler should ever want to experience. Right now, I’m pissed, but I’m not going to do anything about it – not yet. This is Steve Orbit’s world. Still, let me make this very clear to everyone, S-PAC or not; right now I’m like a bear in hibernation. I’m just hanging out. I’m taking care of this Hot Fry fiasco and supporting Pantheon. You all know that if I want to flip that fuckin’ switch and burry every_single_one of you, I can. The next person who wants to attack me better think long and hard about the consequences. I won’t issue another warning.
Fly turns and stares at the camera momentarily. He turns forward and continues walking down the street, muttering only…
Fly: Cut the tape.
The scene comes to a close.
