Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2014 11:07:40 GMT -5
WCF Hall of Famer and notorious gangster of love Bobby Cairo took some time to stir the shit with famed wrestling journalist Maria Menounos earlier today. Maria, decked out in a bosomy sundress and matching white heels, approached "The Godfather" as he was preparing to board the official Poon Guinea Governor's yacht for a day of deep sea muff diving with his First Lady, pop sensation Rihanna. Riri, already aboard the vessel and preparing Cairo a hearty lunch of gourmet meats, vegetables and top shelf liquor was not available for comment.
Cairo was happy to oblige Maria as they discussed a myriad of WCF related topics.
Maria: "Bobby, you recently challenged fellow WCF Hall of Famer Logan to a sixty-minute Iron Man match at WCF's annual pay-per-view spectacular ONE. Logan has yet to publicly acknowledge your challenge, though we can assume that he's shitting bricks behind closed doors."
Bobby stroked his mighty beard while eying Maria up and down, steadfastly agreeing with whatever the fuck it was that she just said.
Bobby: "That is an excellent question, Maria. I'd like to give 'The Face of Treachery' the benefit of the doubt. After all he just survived a hellacious C4 match at Explosion in which he was able to recapture the Hardcore crown that he wears and defends with so much delusional pride. Truth is though, Maria, that you're absolutely right. Logan is shitting bricks right now. He's missing a toe and he's shitting bricks because the thought of stepping into the ring with 'The Godfather of Professional Wrestling' for sixty brutal hardcore assraping minutes on WCF's grandest stage is too much for his minuscule brain to comprehend.
"Let's face it. The man eked past Obi and Price to win that match as their bodies were blown to smithereens by C4 explosives. How does he propose to defeat the greatest technical wrestler that this business and industry has seen since the heyday of 'Iceman' Malenko? It is unfathomable."
Maria: "What are your thoughts on the current World Title situation in WCF? You've scaled that mountain before. You know that it's hard to get to the top and even harder to stay there. Any advice for 'The Mack' Steve Orbit?"
Bobby: "Steve Orbit is a great wrestler, Maria. I've competed against him on a couple of occasions and I can say from experience that he is the real deal and a deserving champion. My advice to Orbit is simple: Have eyes in the back of your head at all times. Sometimes your greatest enemies are those who pretend to be your closest friends. The other members of Pantheon will stab him in the back at a moment's notice if they think it'll bring them closer to wearing that big gold belt one more time.
"Does Orbit truly trust Fly, Price and Black? I wouldn't if I were he. Orbit already knows that he has to watch out for that snake in the grass motherfucker Waylon Cash, but he would be wise to heed The Godfather's advice and pay even closer attention to his so-called friends. Beware the Ides of March, champ."
Maria: "You're also a former Television Champion, some say the greatest to ever wear that belt. In recent weeks we've seen the TV Championship change hands faster than Jayson Price can ragequit after another title match defeat. Rumor has it that former TV Champion 'The Shine' Brent Alpine has cracked under the pressure of moving up the card to contend for the World Championship. What are your thoughts on that situation?"
Bobby: "To put it bluntly, Maria, if Brent Alpine is afraid of being World Champion then he made a brilliant career move by joining Sequitus. Adam Young has more victories in the last month than their entire group. Alpine found a nice little security blanket for himself in the Television Championship, but his carefully constructed fantasy land fell apart once he lost the belt. Did he get screwed out of the belt? Sure he did, but those are the breaks in a consumer-based capitalist infrastructure. We live in a dog-eat-dog world and that means you have to be on top of your game at all times.
"When I was Television Champion I was defending my belt against the top contenders while also feuding with the World Champion. I had no fear of being the man at the top of the card. Hell, I was World Champion before I was Television Champion. I had that experience and I had the desire to climb back to the top of the mountain. I cannot relate to a man who claims to be the greatest yet cowers like a squeamish child when the stakes are at their highest."
Maria: "So you have no sympathy for 'The Shine'?"
Bobby: "I'm not a bleeding heart liberal, Maria. I'm a pure and simple Communist. I do what I please, when I please, and to whom I please. My will is law. Perhaps if Brent Alpine adopted my outlook on life instead of trying to please all people at all times then he wouldn't find himself in such dire straits?"
Maria: "Fair enough. What are your thoughts on the current state of the WCF tag team division? Yourself and former partner Odin Balfore vacated the championships back in January. Since then the belts have been claimed by Denise D'evil and her partner slash lover Night Rider, collectively known as the Shadow Demons. Meanwhile, Team Science have established themselves as the top contenders to the belts. Do you think that the tag division has been able to fully recover from The Thickness's abrupt departure, and how do you rate the current crop of teams in WCF?"
Bobby: "The tag division is what it always was: Mediocre, with a capital M. The Thickness gave that division a fleeting glimmer of greatness and then we deemed it unworthy of our continued time and effort. We steamrolled all opposition that was placed before us, including the current champions D'evil and Rider. They are champions because The Thickness allows them to wear the belts. Should Odin and I decide that we no longer wish to allow the Shadow Puppets to be tag champions then we will reclaim the belts and place them where they yearn to be, around our very thick..."
At this point Maria glanced between Bobby's legs and took a long, hard look at the Promised Land.
Bobby: "Our waists, Maria. Our waists. Eyes up here please. Although I know it's tempting."
Maria: "I'm terribly sorry, Governor Cairo."
Bobby: "No need to apologize, Maria. You are flesh and blood. You have needs. Anyway, getting back to the topic at hand, I suppose that Team Science would be an improvement over the current champions, but I say that primarily because it's one team that The Thickness has not thoroughly vanquished on international broadcast television. They will be able to perpetuate the myth that there is a tag team division sans The Thickness, when in fact there was never a tag team division; there was only The Thickness."
Maria: "That leads me to my next question: Outside of the challenge that you've issued to Logan, you have not made any overtures regarding a possible return to the ring. During your most recent stint in WCF you made it quite clear that you're able to compete with the current cream of the crop despite coming off a long layoff from the sport. Do you envision a full-time or even a part-time return to WCF in the near future or are you presently taking a wait and see approach toward a return to competition?"
Bobby: "If there are challenges that pique my interest then I will certainly entertain a return to WCF. Defeating Logan and forcing him into a long overdue convalescence is a challenge that piques my interest and that's why I proposed a match between us at ONE. I hadn't intended to publicly speak about any additional matches that I am considering, but since you are you, Maria, I will let the pussy out of the snatch: Ultimate Showdown will take place in July followed by WAR two months later. These are two of WCF's most revered and historically significant events, and they are two events in which I would like to claim victory.
"I have competed in WAR twice and came within an eyelash of victory both times. However I fell short on both occasions. I would like to rectify this failure. Additionally, I have yet to compete in Ultimate Showdown and this is an omission that I can hardly abide, Maria. I'm not saying that it's official that I'm going to--"
Maria: "Are you saying that it's official that you're going to compete in Ultimate Showdown and WAR?"
Bobby: "I am not saying that it's official, Maria. I am merely saying that I am contemplating these possibilities. I am the leader of a nation, Maria. I am leader of the great and powerful nation of Poon Guinea, in addition to holding office as Mayor of New York City. This is very busy work, Maria. I barely have time in my schedule to enjoy an afternoon on my yacht with my First Lady. This is why I cannot presently commit to a return to the ring, beyond my engagement with Logan at ONE, should he accept."
Maria: "How do you know that you'll be available to compete against Logan at ONE, with your executive schedule and all?"
Bobby: "ONE is recognized as a federal holiday in Poon Guinea, Maria, much like the birth of your Christ is recognized in America."
Maria: "Ah, that makes sense."
Bobby: "Indeed. I am sorry to cut our conversation short, Maria, but my First Lady is cooking up something good for The Godfather and I don't want to miss it."
Maria: "No problem, Bobby. Thank you for your time and your honesty--OOH!"
Maria was caught offguard by the firm hand of Poon Guinean justice upon her backside. Before she could comport herself, The Godfather had already boarded the HMS Thickness and departed upon the deep blue yonder of the Pacific. If the boat is a-rockin, don't come a-knockin.
Cairo was happy to oblige Maria as they discussed a myriad of WCF related topics.
Maria: "Bobby, you recently challenged fellow WCF Hall of Famer Logan to a sixty-minute Iron Man match at WCF's annual pay-per-view spectacular ONE. Logan has yet to publicly acknowledge your challenge, though we can assume that he's shitting bricks behind closed doors."
Bobby stroked his mighty beard while eying Maria up and down, steadfastly agreeing with whatever the fuck it was that she just said.
Bobby: "That is an excellent question, Maria. I'd like to give 'The Face of Treachery' the benefit of the doubt. After all he just survived a hellacious C4 match at Explosion in which he was able to recapture the Hardcore crown that he wears and defends with so much delusional pride. Truth is though, Maria, that you're absolutely right. Logan is shitting bricks right now. He's missing a toe and he's shitting bricks because the thought of stepping into the ring with 'The Godfather of Professional Wrestling' for sixty brutal hardcore assraping minutes on WCF's grandest stage is too much for his minuscule brain to comprehend.
"Let's face it. The man eked past Obi and Price to win that match as their bodies were blown to smithereens by C4 explosives. How does he propose to defeat the greatest technical wrestler that this business and industry has seen since the heyday of 'Iceman' Malenko? It is unfathomable."
Maria: "What are your thoughts on the current World Title situation in WCF? You've scaled that mountain before. You know that it's hard to get to the top and even harder to stay there. Any advice for 'The Mack' Steve Orbit?"
Bobby: "Steve Orbit is a great wrestler, Maria. I've competed against him on a couple of occasions and I can say from experience that he is the real deal and a deserving champion. My advice to Orbit is simple: Have eyes in the back of your head at all times. Sometimes your greatest enemies are those who pretend to be your closest friends. The other members of Pantheon will stab him in the back at a moment's notice if they think it'll bring them closer to wearing that big gold belt one more time.
"Does Orbit truly trust Fly, Price and Black? I wouldn't if I were he. Orbit already knows that he has to watch out for that snake in the grass motherfucker Waylon Cash, but he would be wise to heed The Godfather's advice and pay even closer attention to his so-called friends. Beware the Ides of March, champ."
Maria: "You're also a former Television Champion, some say the greatest to ever wear that belt. In recent weeks we've seen the TV Championship change hands faster than Jayson Price can ragequit after another title match defeat. Rumor has it that former TV Champion 'The Shine' Brent Alpine has cracked under the pressure of moving up the card to contend for the World Championship. What are your thoughts on that situation?"
Bobby: "To put it bluntly, Maria, if Brent Alpine is afraid of being World Champion then he made a brilliant career move by joining Sequitus. Adam Young has more victories in the last month than their entire group. Alpine found a nice little security blanket for himself in the Television Championship, but his carefully constructed fantasy land fell apart once he lost the belt. Did he get screwed out of the belt? Sure he did, but those are the breaks in a consumer-based capitalist infrastructure. We live in a dog-eat-dog world and that means you have to be on top of your game at all times.
"When I was Television Champion I was defending my belt against the top contenders while also feuding with the World Champion. I had no fear of being the man at the top of the card. Hell, I was World Champion before I was Television Champion. I had that experience and I had the desire to climb back to the top of the mountain. I cannot relate to a man who claims to be the greatest yet cowers like a squeamish child when the stakes are at their highest."
Maria: "So you have no sympathy for 'The Shine'?"
Bobby: "I'm not a bleeding heart liberal, Maria. I'm a pure and simple Communist. I do what I please, when I please, and to whom I please. My will is law. Perhaps if Brent Alpine adopted my outlook on life instead of trying to please all people at all times then he wouldn't find himself in such dire straits?"
Maria: "Fair enough. What are your thoughts on the current state of the WCF tag team division? Yourself and former partner Odin Balfore vacated the championships back in January. Since then the belts have been claimed by Denise D'evil and her partner slash lover Night Rider, collectively known as the Shadow Demons. Meanwhile, Team Science have established themselves as the top contenders to the belts. Do you think that the tag division has been able to fully recover from The Thickness's abrupt departure, and how do you rate the current crop of teams in WCF?"
Bobby: "The tag division is what it always was: Mediocre, with a capital M. The Thickness gave that division a fleeting glimmer of greatness and then we deemed it unworthy of our continued time and effort. We steamrolled all opposition that was placed before us, including the current champions D'evil and Rider. They are champions because The Thickness allows them to wear the belts. Should Odin and I decide that we no longer wish to allow the Shadow Puppets to be tag champions then we will reclaim the belts and place them where they yearn to be, around our very thick..."
At this point Maria glanced between Bobby's legs and took a long, hard look at the Promised Land.
Bobby: "Our waists, Maria. Our waists. Eyes up here please. Although I know it's tempting."
Maria: "I'm terribly sorry, Governor Cairo."
Bobby: "No need to apologize, Maria. You are flesh and blood. You have needs. Anyway, getting back to the topic at hand, I suppose that Team Science would be an improvement over the current champions, but I say that primarily because it's one team that The Thickness has not thoroughly vanquished on international broadcast television. They will be able to perpetuate the myth that there is a tag team division sans The Thickness, when in fact there was never a tag team division; there was only The Thickness."
Maria: "That leads me to my next question: Outside of the challenge that you've issued to Logan, you have not made any overtures regarding a possible return to the ring. During your most recent stint in WCF you made it quite clear that you're able to compete with the current cream of the crop despite coming off a long layoff from the sport. Do you envision a full-time or even a part-time return to WCF in the near future or are you presently taking a wait and see approach toward a return to competition?"
Bobby: "If there are challenges that pique my interest then I will certainly entertain a return to WCF. Defeating Logan and forcing him into a long overdue convalescence is a challenge that piques my interest and that's why I proposed a match between us at ONE. I hadn't intended to publicly speak about any additional matches that I am considering, but since you are you, Maria, I will let the pussy out of the snatch: Ultimate Showdown will take place in July followed by WAR two months later. These are two of WCF's most revered and historically significant events, and they are two events in which I would like to claim victory.
"I have competed in WAR twice and came within an eyelash of victory both times. However I fell short on both occasions. I would like to rectify this failure. Additionally, I have yet to compete in Ultimate Showdown and this is an omission that I can hardly abide, Maria. I'm not saying that it's official that I'm going to--"
Maria: "Are you saying that it's official that you're going to compete in Ultimate Showdown and WAR?"
Bobby: "I am not saying that it's official, Maria. I am merely saying that I am contemplating these possibilities. I am the leader of a nation, Maria. I am leader of the great and powerful nation of Poon Guinea, in addition to holding office as Mayor of New York City. This is very busy work, Maria. I barely have time in my schedule to enjoy an afternoon on my yacht with my First Lady. This is why I cannot presently commit to a return to the ring, beyond my engagement with Logan at ONE, should he accept."
Maria: "How do you know that you'll be available to compete against Logan at ONE, with your executive schedule and all?"
Bobby: "ONE is recognized as a federal holiday in Poon Guinea, Maria, much like the birth of your Christ is recognized in America."
Maria: "Ah, that makes sense."
Bobby: "Indeed. I am sorry to cut our conversation short, Maria, but my First Lady is cooking up something good for The Godfather and I don't want to miss it."
Maria: "No problem, Bobby. Thank you for your time and your honesty--OOH!"
Maria was caught offguard by the firm hand of Poon Guinean justice upon her backside. Before she could comport herself, The Godfather had already boarded the HMS Thickness and departed upon the deep blue yonder of the Pacific. If the boat is a-rockin, don't come a-knockin.
