Post by Steve Orbit on Feb 21, 2014 16:10:51 GMT -5
Scene opens... wait, let me start over.
We are outside of a super huge vagina. Like Sarah Twilight/Lilith huge. But the vagina is closed, and all we see are some pubic hairs sticking out all over the place. The vagina lips begin to quiver and, slowly, the vagina opens...
"LET'S PLAY SOME MOTHER FUCKIN VAGINA FEUD!"
to reveal the set of Vagina Feud! That's right! As you all remember, it's just like Family Feud, except this time it's just a figment of Steve Orbit's imagination and it's not really like Family Feud at all. And it's inside a giant vagina. Time to get serious now. Let's go to Steve Orbit who is standing by!
Orbit is wearing an awesome polka dot shirt, bell-bottoms and platform shoes. He also has an afro which is weird, but let's go with it. He snaps his fingers to the Vagina Feud theme song with a big grin on his face. When the song ends, he begins to speak.
Steve Orbit: Welcome to Vagina Feud TWO: "NOT WITHOUT MY VAGINA"!
Canned applause.
Steve Orbit: Vagina Feud is a game show produced by WCF. The first episode was CONTROVERSAL and WEIRD and talked about the word vagina a whole lot. This is the sequel, and like many sequels, Vagina Feud II will borrow some elements from the first Vagina Feud, but mostly say fuck the original and just do it's own thing. And I think, by saying fuck it, fuck you, and fuck everybody, that's truly the embodiment of what Vagina Feud represents to all of us in our souls. Am I right y'all?
Canned applause.
Steve Orbit: You God damn right I am. This project is about giving no fucks at all. Zero. That being said, let's go over the rules or whatever! I've got two families here-- the Snatch family to my left, and the Cucci family to my right. That's Cucci, pronounced "Coochie", right?
The family nods.
Steve Orbit: That's what I thought. Must be Italian. Like Gucci.
Canned laughter.
Steve Orbit: That wasn't a joke, but... well, here's how the game works. We asked a hundred people some questions, and these families will get points if they give the same answers as the hundred people. Just for full disclosure, ninety-nine of the hundred people... were me. And some of the questions are about pussy since this is Vagina Feud! You guys ready to play?
The Snatch and Cucci families say they're ready. By the way, the Snatch family is black and the Cucci family is white, because every episode of the Feud is black versus white. It's a fucking race war. EVERY TIME. Never noticed? Watch it next time it's on, I guarantee it's black versus white. Anyway the families are ready!
Steve Orbit: Aight, I'ma need a contestant from each family to join me in the middle!
Rod Snatch and Jimmy Cucci meet Orbit at the podium. They shake hands.
Steve Orbit: First question. Who is the biggest pussy mother fucker in the WCF?
Cucci hits the buzzer.
Jimmy Cucci: WAYLON CASH!
Steve Orbit: Show me... WAYLON CASH!
DING! It's there. 30 points.
Steve Orbit: Waylon Cash is definitely one serious, crybaby hippy slash pussy. Aight Cuccis, pass or play?
Jimmy Cucci: We'll play!
Jimmy goes and joins the rest of his family, followed by Orbit.
Steve Orbit: So, Jimmy, why don't you introduce me to your family?
Jimmy Cucci: Sure! This is my wife, Jenny. My son, Jimmy Junior, and my daughter, Vanessa.
Steve Orbit: Oh! Vanessa, weren't you on the original Vagina Feud?
Vanessa looks confused.
Steve Orbit: I think there was a Vanessa on there. Anyway, who cares, doesn't matter.
Orbit leans in to Jimmy and puts the cue cards to his mouth, to mock telling a secret.
Steve Orbit: Not too bright, but I bet she's got a great vagina, huh?
Canned laughter.
Orbit nudges Jimmy and they both laugh.
Steve Orbit: Ah, yeah. Anyways, you've got a nice family here, Jimmy. Let's get on with the game.
Orbit steps in front of Jenny.
Steve Orbit: Jenny-- no strikes, top answer is still on the board. Who is the biggest pussy ass bitch in the WCF?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Steve Orbit: Five seconds.
Tick, tock.
Jenny Cucci: biohazard!
Canned GASP.
Steve Orbit: biohaz-- what the fuck, girl?!
Backhand to Jenny Cucci. She starts to cry. She tries to hug her husband. Backhand from Jimmy. She goes back to her spot.
Jimmy Cucci: Steve, I'm sorry. That answer was RETARDED.
Steve Orbit: I know. One strike for the Cuccis. Jimmy Junior, you're up! Hopefully you a lot smarter than your momma.
Canned laughter.
Steve Orbit: So what do you do, Jimmy Junior?
Jimmy Junior: Well, I just started--
Steve Orbit: Allllright, that's enough, Junior. Biggest pussy in the WCF, what's your answer?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Jimmy Junior: I'm gonna have to say Oblivion!
DING! 7 points.
Steve Orbit: Not bad, Junior! Oblivion is indeed a pussy. I mean, unless you are actively committing a crime, or it's Halloween, you can't wear a mask and not be a pussy. Still looking for the top answer here. Let's go to Vanesssaaaa!
Orbit steps in front of Vanessa. He winks. She blushes.
Steve Orbit: Vanessa, you've got one strike. In the WCF, who is the biggest most pussiest pussy?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Vanessa Cucci: Jonny Fly!
DING! 23 points for Jonny Fly.
Steve Orbit: I'm sure a lot of you at home are wondering, how is Jonny Fly on this list? He's not a pussy!
Extreme closeup. You can see the coke way up in Orbit's nostrils.
Steve Orbit: OR IS HE?
Zoom out. Orbit laughs it off, hoping you forget about how that didn't make any sense.
Steve Orbit: Haha, alright. Only one answer left and it's the TOP answer! We're lookin' for the top mother fuckin' answer, and we're back to you, Jimmy. Let's hear it!
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Jimmy Cucci: LOGAN is the biggest pussy I've ever seen!
DING! It's the number one answer.
Steve Orbit: Logan is the number one pussy! Don't let him hear you say that. He might go crazy and beg me to give it to him in the ass again!
Canned laughter.
Steve Orbit: Sorry Logan, The Mack don't swing that way. Anyway, Cuccis got all the points this round. In Round Two the points are DOUBLED! So let's head to the podium.
Jenny Cucci and Robin Snatch, the Vagina Feud wives, meet Orbit at the podium.
Steve Orbit: Remember this is for double points. I know I just said that. Stop looking at me like that. I'm serious, I'll Pimp Slap you right here. Ahem, here we go-- In the Timebomb Main Event, six men will fight for the World Title. What are Steve Orbit's chances of winning the World Ti--
BUZZER! Jenny Cucci buzzes in.
Jenny Cucci: 16.66 PERCENT!
Wrong. So Wrong. Orbit thinks about backhanding her again. But he doesn't.
Steve Orbit: My God this is one stupid bitch. I mean, at least she's about a seven-- for her age. Jimmy, you gotta start readin' books to this woman or somethin'. God damn. Anyway, Mrs. Snatch, if your answer is on the board, your team will be able to pass or play.
Robin Snatch: I'm gonna go with 100%!
Bingo. Top answer. 99 points.
Steve Orbit: Wow. I'm shocked! I mean... how is there more than one answer to that question? Anyway, pass or play?
Robin Snatch: We'll PLAY!
Steve Orbit: Of course you will! Nobody in the history of this game has ever passed. It's good strategy sometimes and people could benefit from using it-- I DIGRESS.
Orbit walks over to the Snatch family.
Steve Orbit: Miss Robin, introduce us to your family.
Robin Snatch: Well, you already met my husband Rod. Next to me is my brother in law, Stan, and my nephew, Kevin.
Steve Orbit: GREAT. Nice to meet y'all. Stan, you're up. One answer left for the last point. What are Steve Orbit's chances of winning the World Title at Timebomb?
Stan Snatch: Uhh... ninety-nine percent?
NO.
Steve Orbit: Really? Huh. Alright, Kevin. Your answer?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Kevin Snatch: Ninety-eight percent!
BZZZZZT. Not there.
Steve Orbit: What the... weird. Alright, Rod. Two strikes. You gotta get this or the Cucci family can steal it. What are Steve Orbit's chances of winning the World Title?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Rod Snatch: Fifty... percent?
NOTHING. Orbit throws the cue cards in the air.
Steve Orbit: This is some BULL SHIT! I'ma have to speak to y'all backstage after the show. Anyway, Cucci's chance to steal.
Orbit walks over to the Cucci family.
Steve Orbit: Alright Cuccis... let's hear your answer.
Jimmy Cucci: Zero percent!
DING! It's there for the final point. Orbit is fuming.
Steve Orbit: ZERO?! That's it, y'all. Wait 'til I come back there. I'ma find out who said that. I'ma find you, and I'ma--
Orbit is cut off by the theme music.
Steve Orbit: This is MY SHOW! How the fuck I'm gettin' cut off?!
Orbit finishes throwing his fit and then composes himself.
Steve Orbit: Alright. Moving right along, round three. Points are tripled, Cuccis have a commanding lead here. I need one Cucci and one Snatch, let's go to the podium!
Jimmy Junior Cucci and Stan Snatch head to the middle with Orbit.
Steve Orbit: Final question of the night. After Steve Orbit wins the World Title, he's most likely to celebrate with whores, pills, coke and booze. What is most likely to happen to everyone else after the match?
That's kind of a broad question. Let's see how they respond.
BUZZER. Junior Cucci.
Junior Cucci: Logan puts on lipstick and masturbates to gay cowboy porn with his thumb up his ass!
DING. Number one answer. 51 points.
Steve Orbit: That does sound like an average night for Logan. Pass or play, Junior?
They're gonna play. Obviously. Orbit goes over to the Cucci family once again.
Steve Orbit: Cuccis. Y'all are in the lead with all the points so far. No strikes. Vanessa, what is most likely to happen after the Timebomb main event?
Vanessa Cucci: Umm...
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Vanessa Cucci: Waylon Cash relapses, buys an eightball and sniffs rails of coke of Scott Savage's devil cock!
DING! 24 points!
Steve Orbit: Great job, Vanessa! That sounds exactly like something Waylon would do. Weak ass mother fucker. Great knowledge of the WCF roster showing in the Cucci family. Let's see if we can keep it rolling. Three answers left-- Jimmy, we're back to you. After Steve Orbit wins, what is most likely to happen to the other participants in the match?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Jimmy Cucci: I, uh... Jonny Fly wins in the end!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. The crowd boos his answer because NO.
Steve Orbit: OHHH I'm sorry, Jim. No I'm not, because Fly's goin' down. Goin' down like a big dog. One strike, Jenny. Let's hear your answer.
Jenny Cucci: Jayson Price drinks himself into a stupor and ends up gettin kidnapped by aliens again!
DING! 10 points.
Steve Orbit: Oh, that Jayson Price... you know what, I just thought of something. Dim the lights for a second.
The lights dim. Orbit takes a seat on a stool, in the center of the stage. A single spotlight shines on him. Some soft music plays in the background.
Steve Orbit: You know, I gotta be honest, y'all. Sometimes, I get down. Sometimes I feel like I can't go ON! I feel depressed... sad... lonely. And sometimes I feel so bad about my God damn World title reign, and how I lost it after only one month... damn.
Orbit sulks...
Steve Orbit: And then I remember Jayson PRICE!
The lights pop on. The music gets happy. Orbit starts snapping his fingers in a joyous manner.
Steve Orbit: At least I'm not Jayson Price. I mean, at least I went a month. From one PPV to the next. Sure, it's disappointing, but it's not JAYSON PRICE disappointing. AH. I feel so GOOD when I remember that. I feel like everything is gonna be alright.
Music cuts. Orbit walks back over to the Cucci family.
Steve Orbit: Ah, Jayson Price. Such a weisenheimer.
Canned laughter.
Steve Orbit: Back to business. One strike, Jimmy Junior. You're up. What happens after the match at Timebomb?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Jimmy Junior: Oblivion goes on a rampage and kills a bunch of people because he's pissed off and hardcore!
BZZZZZT.
Steve Orbit: Oh, I'm sorry, pal. Oblivion is actually a bitch made vagina in a mask, and wouldn't really do anything like that. Two strikes, Cucci family. Get your shit together. Vanessa, we're back to you and your sexy vagina. Two answers left on the board. What is your guess?
Vanessa Cucci: Oblivion... cries himself to sleep.
DING! 5 points.
Steve Orbit: Alright! Cuccis are killing it! Oblivion crying himself to sleep after he gets embarassed by Steve Orbit, and to a lesser extent my Pantheon brothers. Sounds right. Ok, Jimmy. This is FOR THE GAME. After Steve Orbit wins the World Title at Timebomb, what happens to the rest of the competitors?
Jimmy Cucci: Umm..
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Jimmy Cucci: Jonny Fly... gets a rematch at the next PPV and wins the title back?
NO. NOT THIS TIME.
Steve Orbit: YA DONE FUCKED UP, CUCCI. DAMN.
Orbit moves over to the Snatch family. They're huddled up. Thinking of the best guess.
Steve Orbit: Snatch family, this is it. If you get the final answer, the points are yours and you TIE the game and we have to go into sudden death. What is your guess?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Rod Snatch: Jonny Fly finally admits that Steve Orbit is the better wrestler-- and also, Steve Orbit has a bigger penis!
DING! SNATCHES TIE THE GAME UP! Biggest canned pop ever.
Steve Orbit: Wow! This is really getting exciting now. We're going into sudden death. I'll take... Vanessa Cucci, and Stan Snatch. Let's go.
Vanessa and Stan head to the middle with Orbit.
Steve Orbit: This is it. FOR THE GAME. The top answer is on the board-- whoever gets it WINS EVERYTHING. And by everything, I mean... nothing.
Both families are like what the fuck. But let's finish this thing!
Steve Orbit: In all of WCF... which superstar has boned the most vaginas in his or her lifetime?
Buzzer. Cucci family going for the win.
Vanessa Cucci: STEVE ORBIT!
DING!
Confetti falls. Girls run out naked and spread eagle on the ground showing their vaginas. The Cucci family starts hugging and jumping up and down!
Steve Orbit: Yes, it's true. I have fucked a whole lot of God damn pussy in my life. I hope when I die, I'm inside a God damn pussy. I don't mean like, now-- we are inside a vagina right now, but you know what I mean. I wanna be old, pumped full of mother fuckin' viagra, with my penis inside a barely legal prostitute! And I'll do it, too. Just like I'll win the World Title at Timebomb!
The Feud theme music plays. Vagina curtain closes. When the vagina is fully closed... Orbit pulls the lips apart from inside, and sticks his head out for one final thought--
Steve Orbit: This is the worst thing I've ever written. Thanks for joining me! Goodni--whoahahahah!!
Just then, the vagina begins to rumble and shake, and it SPLASHES! It couldn't handle having Orbit inside for so long! The scene ends with Orbit riding a surfboard out of the vagina on a massive wave of the juicy juice! HANG TEN!
KOWABUNGA!
==
Thanks to Fly and FPV, the Vagina Feud originators, for giving me permission to do this.
We are outside of a super huge vagina. Like Sarah Twilight/Lilith huge. But the vagina is closed, and all we see are some pubic hairs sticking out all over the place. The vagina lips begin to quiver and, slowly, the vagina opens...
"LET'S PLAY SOME MOTHER FUCKIN VAGINA FEUD!"
to reveal the set of Vagina Feud! That's right! As you all remember, it's just like Family Feud, except this time it's just a figment of Steve Orbit's imagination and it's not really like Family Feud at all. And it's inside a giant vagina. Time to get serious now. Let's go to Steve Orbit who is standing by!
Orbit is wearing an awesome polka dot shirt, bell-bottoms and platform shoes. He also has an afro which is weird, but let's go with it. He snaps his fingers to the Vagina Feud theme song with a big grin on his face. When the song ends, he begins to speak.
Steve Orbit: Welcome to Vagina Feud TWO: "NOT WITHOUT MY VAGINA"!
Canned applause.
Steve Orbit: Vagina Feud is a game show produced by WCF. The first episode was CONTROVERSAL and WEIRD and talked about the word vagina a whole lot. This is the sequel, and like many sequels, Vagina Feud II will borrow some elements from the first Vagina Feud, but mostly say fuck the original and just do it's own thing. And I think, by saying fuck it, fuck you, and fuck everybody, that's truly the embodiment of what Vagina Feud represents to all of us in our souls. Am I right y'all?
Canned applause.
Steve Orbit: You God damn right I am. This project is about giving no fucks at all. Zero. That being said, let's go over the rules or whatever! I've got two families here-- the Snatch family to my left, and the Cucci family to my right. That's Cucci, pronounced "Coochie", right?
The family nods.
Steve Orbit: That's what I thought. Must be Italian. Like Gucci.
Canned laughter.
Steve Orbit: That wasn't a joke, but... well, here's how the game works. We asked a hundred people some questions, and these families will get points if they give the same answers as the hundred people. Just for full disclosure, ninety-nine of the hundred people... were me. And some of the questions are about pussy since this is Vagina Feud! You guys ready to play?
The Snatch and Cucci families say they're ready. By the way, the Snatch family is black and the Cucci family is white, because every episode of the Feud is black versus white. It's a fucking race war. EVERY TIME. Never noticed? Watch it next time it's on, I guarantee it's black versus white. Anyway the families are ready!
Steve Orbit: Aight, I'ma need a contestant from each family to join me in the middle!
Rod Snatch and Jimmy Cucci meet Orbit at the podium. They shake hands.
Steve Orbit: First question. Who is the biggest pussy mother fucker in the WCF?
Cucci hits the buzzer.
Jimmy Cucci: WAYLON CASH!
Steve Orbit: Show me... WAYLON CASH!
DING! It's there. 30 points.
Steve Orbit: Waylon Cash is definitely one serious, crybaby hippy slash pussy. Aight Cuccis, pass or play?
Jimmy Cucci: We'll play!
Jimmy goes and joins the rest of his family, followed by Orbit.
Steve Orbit: So, Jimmy, why don't you introduce me to your family?
Jimmy Cucci: Sure! This is my wife, Jenny. My son, Jimmy Junior, and my daughter, Vanessa.
Steve Orbit: Oh! Vanessa, weren't you on the original Vagina Feud?
Vanessa looks confused.
Steve Orbit: I think there was a Vanessa on there. Anyway, who cares, doesn't matter.
Orbit leans in to Jimmy and puts the cue cards to his mouth, to mock telling a secret.
Steve Orbit: Not too bright, but I bet she's got a great vagina, huh?
Canned laughter.
Orbit nudges Jimmy and they both laugh.
Steve Orbit: Ah, yeah. Anyways, you've got a nice family here, Jimmy. Let's get on with the game.
Orbit steps in front of Jenny.
Steve Orbit: Jenny-- no strikes, top answer is still on the board. Who is the biggest pussy ass bitch in the WCF?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Steve Orbit: Five seconds.
Tick, tock.
Jenny Cucci: biohazard!
Canned GASP.
Steve Orbit: biohaz-- what the fuck, girl?!
Backhand to Jenny Cucci. She starts to cry. She tries to hug her husband. Backhand from Jimmy. She goes back to her spot.
Jimmy Cucci: Steve, I'm sorry. That answer was RETARDED.
Steve Orbit: I know. One strike for the Cuccis. Jimmy Junior, you're up! Hopefully you a lot smarter than your momma.
Canned laughter.
Steve Orbit: So what do you do, Jimmy Junior?
Jimmy Junior: Well, I just started--
Steve Orbit: Allllright, that's enough, Junior. Biggest pussy in the WCF, what's your answer?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Jimmy Junior: I'm gonna have to say Oblivion!
DING! 7 points.
Steve Orbit: Not bad, Junior! Oblivion is indeed a pussy. I mean, unless you are actively committing a crime, or it's Halloween, you can't wear a mask and not be a pussy. Still looking for the top answer here. Let's go to Vanesssaaaa!
Orbit steps in front of Vanessa. He winks. She blushes.
Steve Orbit: Vanessa, you've got one strike. In the WCF, who is the biggest most pussiest pussy?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Vanessa Cucci: Jonny Fly!
DING! 23 points for Jonny Fly.
Steve Orbit: I'm sure a lot of you at home are wondering, how is Jonny Fly on this list? He's not a pussy!
Extreme closeup. You can see the coke way up in Orbit's nostrils.
Steve Orbit: OR IS HE?
Zoom out. Orbit laughs it off, hoping you forget about how that didn't make any sense.
Steve Orbit: Haha, alright. Only one answer left and it's the TOP answer! We're lookin' for the top mother fuckin' answer, and we're back to you, Jimmy. Let's hear it!
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Jimmy Cucci: LOGAN is the biggest pussy I've ever seen!
DING! It's the number one answer.
Steve Orbit: Logan is the number one pussy! Don't let him hear you say that. He might go crazy and beg me to give it to him in the ass again!
Canned laughter.
Steve Orbit: Sorry Logan, The Mack don't swing that way. Anyway, Cuccis got all the points this round. In Round Two the points are DOUBLED! So let's head to the podium.
Jenny Cucci and Robin Snatch, the Vagina Feud wives, meet Orbit at the podium.
Steve Orbit: Remember this is for double points. I know I just said that. Stop looking at me like that. I'm serious, I'll Pimp Slap you right here. Ahem, here we go-- In the Timebomb Main Event, six men will fight for the World Title. What are Steve Orbit's chances of winning the World Ti--
BUZZER! Jenny Cucci buzzes in.
Jenny Cucci: 16.66 PERCENT!
Wrong. So Wrong. Orbit thinks about backhanding her again. But he doesn't.
Steve Orbit: My God this is one stupid bitch. I mean, at least she's about a seven-- for her age. Jimmy, you gotta start readin' books to this woman or somethin'. God damn. Anyway, Mrs. Snatch, if your answer is on the board, your team will be able to pass or play.
Robin Snatch: I'm gonna go with 100%!
Bingo. Top answer. 99 points.
Steve Orbit: Wow. I'm shocked! I mean... how is there more than one answer to that question? Anyway, pass or play?
Robin Snatch: We'll PLAY!
Steve Orbit: Of course you will! Nobody in the history of this game has ever passed. It's good strategy sometimes and people could benefit from using it-- I DIGRESS.
Orbit walks over to the Snatch family.
Steve Orbit: Miss Robin, introduce us to your family.
Robin Snatch: Well, you already met my husband Rod. Next to me is my brother in law, Stan, and my nephew, Kevin.
Steve Orbit: GREAT. Nice to meet y'all. Stan, you're up. One answer left for the last point. What are Steve Orbit's chances of winning the World Title at Timebomb?
Stan Snatch: Uhh... ninety-nine percent?
NO.
Steve Orbit: Really? Huh. Alright, Kevin. Your answer?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Kevin Snatch: Ninety-eight percent!
BZZZZZT. Not there.
Steve Orbit: What the... weird. Alright, Rod. Two strikes. You gotta get this or the Cucci family can steal it. What are Steve Orbit's chances of winning the World Title?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Rod Snatch: Fifty... percent?
NOTHING. Orbit throws the cue cards in the air.
Steve Orbit: This is some BULL SHIT! I'ma have to speak to y'all backstage after the show. Anyway, Cucci's chance to steal.
Orbit walks over to the Cucci family.
Steve Orbit: Alright Cuccis... let's hear your answer.
Jimmy Cucci: Zero percent!
DING! It's there for the final point. Orbit is fuming.
Steve Orbit: ZERO?! That's it, y'all. Wait 'til I come back there. I'ma find out who said that. I'ma find you, and I'ma--
Orbit is cut off by the theme music.
Steve Orbit: This is MY SHOW! How the fuck I'm gettin' cut off?!
Orbit finishes throwing his fit and then composes himself.
Steve Orbit: Alright. Moving right along, round three. Points are tripled, Cuccis have a commanding lead here. I need one Cucci and one Snatch, let's go to the podium!
Jimmy Junior Cucci and Stan Snatch head to the middle with Orbit.
Steve Orbit: Final question of the night. After Steve Orbit wins the World Title, he's most likely to celebrate with whores, pills, coke and booze. What is most likely to happen to everyone else after the match?
That's kind of a broad question. Let's see how they respond.
BUZZER. Junior Cucci.
Junior Cucci: Logan puts on lipstick and masturbates to gay cowboy porn with his thumb up his ass!
DING. Number one answer. 51 points.
Steve Orbit: That does sound like an average night for Logan. Pass or play, Junior?
They're gonna play. Obviously. Orbit goes over to the Cucci family once again.
Steve Orbit: Cuccis. Y'all are in the lead with all the points so far. No strikes. Vanessa, what is most likely to happen after the Timebomb main event?
Vanessa Cucci: Umm...
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Vanessa Cucci: Waylon Cash relapses, buys an eightball and sniffs rails of coke of Scott Savage's devil cock!
DING! 24 points!
Steve Orbit: Great job, Vanessa! That sounds exactly like something Waylon would do. Weak ass mother fucker. Great knowledge of the WCF roster showing in the Cucci family. Let's see if we can keep it rolling. Three answers left-- Jimmy, we're back to you. After Steve Orbit wins, what is most likely to happen to the other participants in the match?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Jimmy Cucci: I, uh... Jonny Fly wins in the end!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. The crowd boos his answer because NO.
Steve Orbit: OHHH I'm sorry, Jim. No I'm not, because Fly's goin' down. Goin' down like a big dog. One strike, Jenny. Let's hear your answer.
Jenny Cucci: Jayson Price drinks himself into a stupor and ends up gettin kidnapped by aliens again!
DING! 10 points.
Steve Orbit: Oh, that Jayson Price... you know what, I just thought of something. Dim the lights for a second.
The lights dim. Orbit takes a seat on a stool, in the center of the stage. A single spotlight shines on him. Some soft music plays in the background.
Steve Orbit: You know, I gotta be honest, y'all. Sometimes, I get down. Sometimes I feel like I can't go ON! I feel depressed... sad... lonely. And sometimes I feel so bad about my God damn World title reign, and how I lost it after only one month... damn.
Orbit sulks...
Steve Orbit: And then I remember Jayson PRICE!
The lights pop on. The music gets happy. Orbit starts snapping his fingers in a joyous manner.
Steve Orbit: At least I'm not Jayson Price. I mean, at least I went a month. From one PPV to the next. Sure, it's disappointing, but it's not JAYSON PRICE disappointing. AH. I feel so GOOD when I remember that. I feel like everything is gonna be alright.
Music cuts. Orbit walks back over to the Cucci family.
Steve Orbit: Ah, Jayson Price. Such a weisenheimer.
Canned laughter.
Steve Orbit: Back to business. One strike, Jimmy Junior. You're up. What happens after the match at Timebomb?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Jimmy Junior: Oblivion goes on a rampage and kills a bunch of people because he's pissed off and hardcore!
BZZZZZT.
Steve Orbit: Oh, I'm sorry, pal. Oblivion is actually a bitch made vagina in a mask, and wouldn't really do anything like that. Two strikes, Cucci family. Get your shit together. Vanessa, we're back to you and your sexy vagina. Two answers left on the board. What is your guess?
Vanessa Cucci: Oblivion... cries himself to sleep.
DING! 5 points.
Steve Orbit: Alright! Cuccis are killing it! Oblivion crying himself to sleep after he gets embarassed by Steve Orbit, and to a lesser extent my Pantheon brothers. Sounds right. Ok, Jimmy. This is FOR THE GAME. After Steve Orbit wins the World Title at Timebomb, what happens to the rest of the competitors?
Jimmy Cucci: Umm..
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Jimmy Cucci: Jonny Fly... gets a rematch at the next PPV and wins the title back?
NO. NOT THIS TIME.
Steve Orbit: YA DONE FUCKED UP, CUCCI. DAMN.
Orbit moves over to the Snatch family. They're huddled up. Thinking of the best guess.
Steve Orbit: Snatch family, this is it. If you get the final answer, the points are yours and you TIE the game and we have to go into sudden death. What is your guess?
Tick, tock, tick, tock.
Rod Snatch: Jonny Fly finally admits that Steve Orbit is the better wrestler-- and also, Steve Orbit has a bigger penis!
DING! SNATCHES TIE THE GAME UP! Biggest canned pop ever.
Steve Orbit: Wow! This is really getting exciting now. We're going into sudden death. I'll take... Vanessa Cucci, and Stan Snatch. Let's go.
Vanessa and Stan head to the middle with Orbit.
Steve Orbit: This is it. FOR THE GAME. The top answer is on the board-- whoever gets it WINS EVERYTHING. And by everything, I mean... nothing.
Both families are like what the fuck. But let's finish this thing!
Steve Orbit: In all of WCF... which superstar has boned the most vaginas in his or her lifetime?
Buzzer. Cucci family going for the win.
Vanessa Cucci: STEVE ORBIT!
DING!
Confetti falls. Girls run out naked and spread eagle on the ground showing their vaginas. The Cucci family starts hugging and jumping up and down!
Steve Orbit: Yes, it's true. I have fucked a whole lot of God damn pussy in my life. I hope when I die, I'm inside a God damn pussy. I don't mean like, now-- we are inside a vagina right now, but you know what I mean. I wanna be old, pumped full of mother fuckin' viagra, with my penis inside a barely legal prostitute! And I'll do it, too. Just like I'll win the World Title at Timebomb!
The Feud theme music plays. Vagina curtain closes. When the vagina is fully closed... Orbit pulls the lips apart from inside, and sticks his head out for one final thought--
Steve Orbit: This is the worst thing I've ever written. Thanks for joining me! Goodni--whoahahahah!!
Just then, the vagina begins to rumble and shake, and it SPLASHES! It couldn't handle having Orbit inside for so long! The scene ends with Orbit riding a surfboard out of the vagina on a massive wave of the juicy juice! HANG TEN!
KOWABUNGA!
==
Thanks to Fly and FPV, the Vagina Feud originators, for giving me permission to do this.
