Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2014 18:18:56 GMT -5
Disclaimer - No animals were harmed in the making of this promo. Well, not seriously harmed. Ish.
(Like a dart of lightning stalks along silver clouds, a yellow Lamborghini Revention veers across a country lane. It is morning as evidenced by a tinge of mist and sporadic rays of sunshine shimmering off the road surface. The narrow tarmac track is flanked by banks of grass sparkling with dew. We follow the hefty vehicle as it continues its erratic path. While top speed isn't shied away from, it is clear that this car is being commanded by an amateur. Or even worse. This is confirmed when it skids through a thick pasture and begins to lose its zip. The tires initially struggle to grip. The Lamborghini roars like a melee of lions but accelerates to its zenith and regains momentum on the deep field.)
(Inside the Revention, 'The Shine' Brent Alpine is clasping the wheel as though riding a dragon. He bears an ecstatic grin and his curly mane is wilder and more coarse than usual. In the passenger chair is a baby seat with a terrified mini pig strapped in tight. Percy Micro's trotters are flailing back and forth and its nostrils are convulsing in panic. A cacophony of oinks and high pitched wheezes are only mildly snuffed out by the sound of...)
Brent Alpine: WHEEEEEEEEEE! WHOOOOOOOHAAAAAAAAY! YAY HEY! This is BONZAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(In stark contrast to the frenzied din of Percy Micro's pig self, wearied and automated words play from his externally controlled electrolarynx.)
Percy Micro: Excuse me sir. Where are we going now?
Brent Alpine: Oh hello mate. You've been quiet for a while. We're going on a magical mystery tour.
Percy Micro: Are you sure this is a sensible idea?
Brent Alpine: Whatcha mean, dingo?
Percy Micro: If I may be reasonably curt, Mr. Alpine... you have been acting very unusually during the last few days. All this talk about aligning yourself with other wrestlers in the WCF and these weird trips you have been taking me on... I'm positively baffled.
Brent Alpine: Let me prove a point today.
Percy Micro: Ohhhhhhh...
(After what seems far too long of farm terrain for the Revention to handle, it finally emerges back onto the beaten track. As Brent nonchalantly drives onto a main road, the driver of a blue Peugeot 208 is forced to slam on their brakes to accommodate him. The other driver repeatedly sounds his horn in fury.)
Brent Alpine: Friendly blokes round here, ain't they?
(With no indication, Alpine pulls into a junction. It leads to a crowded car park. He haphazardly enters a space and has to brake sharply. Parked at an angle, the Lamborghini occupies two designated spaces by encroaching the white dividing lines. Brent doesn't appear to care. He looks up and gazes upon the entrance. The arched sign reads 'Hallowdale Country Park'. Alpine smiles with the glee of a toddler.)
Percy Micro: Where are we?
Brent Alpine: Can't you see the sign?
Percy Micro: Negative. The pig... I mean, I have knocked my spy-cam off my collar during the journey.
Brent Alpine: Wow cool, you have a spy-cam? Are you like FBI pig or something?!
Percy Micro (incredulous at Alpine's naivety): Could you just put it back on please?
(Alpine grabs the pea sized camera from the car set and slots it back in the gap in Micro's collar next to his electrolarynx. Micro's controller - identified as 'Words' through letters to Alpine in a previous scene - gets the country park sign in view.)
Percy Micro: NO! We can't go there! You know what my body will do!
Brent Alpine: Exxxxxx-actly!
(Cut.)
(We reopen in the country park. By the pigpen, to be specific. Alpine has Percy Micro hoisted up into his arms. A variety of visitors, including a school party, flock around Brent to admire his cute ungulate manager. The Shine appears to be enjoying the attention, though it isn't totally upon him. Alpine carries Micro to the sty and hovers him over the much bigger swines who eagerly await his arrival. Micro appears equally enthusiastic.)
Percy Micro: DON'T DO THIS! I WARN YOU!
(Many of the shocked visitors exclaim comments like 'IT TALKS!', 'cool!' and 'what did he say?')
Percy Micro: PLEASE SIR! This could destroy me...
(As Alpine lowers Percy into the pigpen, the other pigs sniff and lick him excitedly. Micro raises towards a smaller pig and mounts it amorously.)
School Boy: Eww, they're having sex!
(The visitors erupt in giggles and gasps.)
Brent Alpine: Aww, so proud. Percy Wercy, finally getting laid!
Percy Micro: Get me out of here!
(Cut.)
(We reappear in a stable, away from the crowds. Alpine pats the placid mare and drapes his Television Title belt atop its proud mane. Percy Micro sleeps contently on a nearby hay pile. Despite his pig body being in a deep slumber, Micro's voice still emanates from it.)
Percy Micro: Look, you tired me out. You could have gotten me killed, broken my incredibly expensive equipment or worse. Are you happy with yourself?
Brent Alpine: Incredibly happy, drongo. You learnt a valuable lesson today.
Percy Micro: ... And that is? That you are a loose cannon? Knew that one.
Brent Alpine: You learnt that no man... or pig is an island. You might have been protesting when I was putting you in but the second you landed with those piggies, you were like a horny little hobgoblin. You mounted those hogs like Denise D'Evil in a field of cucumbers!
Percy Micro: That is my, regrettably, biological predisposition. I lose all sovereignty over this body when you pull farcical stunts like that. I still do not follow your rationale...
Brent Alpine: I'll give ya a clue. Where are we?
Percy Micro: A stable.
Brent Alpine: That's it! A stable. Exactly what The Shine needs.
Percy Micro: Not this again. I told you before - you would be ill advised to get yourself entangled in this gang warfare within the WCF. The atmosphere is intensifying and I fear dangerous consequences. Pantheon, Sequitus, S-PAC... three extremely combustible elements are colliding like no other time before. I prophesy that they will all rip shreds off of each other and fall like dominoes. If you pick sides, you will be one of those dominoes. Mr. Alpine, with respect, keep your head down and stay out of trouble. You are progressing very steadily with your TV Title and you haven't been pinned or made to submit yet. My professional advice, as your MANAGER lest you forget, is that you go into preservation mode. Do not descend deeper into the theater of war than you need to.
Brent Alpine: Fear, fear, fear. Fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. That's all that leaves your mouth lately, Percy. What you're failing to realise is that I am the puppet master of all wars. Any side that The Shine aligns with cannot fail to triumph.
Percy Micro: But what is your motive? Not only would it pose you serious risk, I also worry that you might get lost in the shuffle in a group like Pantheon with those main event talents. Sir, I have known you for a few weeks now and have seen that, if there is a chink in your armour, it's your sheer desperation for friends.
Brent Alpine: I'm not desperate for mates, mate. They are desperate for me! And how can you say that I would get lost in the shuffle? I AM THE SHUFFLE! The problem is that I am currently upstaging the main event blokes. Every week the TV Title match is the highlight while the main events are overshadowed. The only solution is that I mix with these drongos and bring them the RADIANCE they so dearly crave.
Percy Micro: And who, dare I ask, would you join?
Brent Alpine: Who knows mate? I forgot their names...
Percy Micro: Pantheon? Sequitus? S-PAC?
Brent Alpine: Maybe. Or maybe I could be the newest Shadow of Darkness!
Percy Micro: That really would be a bad move.
Brent Alpine: Yeah, I was joking. I wouldn't stoop to that low. Speaking of which, did you hear I have Denise again on Slam?
Percy Micro: Indeed.
Brent Alpine: Quite frankly, those blokes down in the WCF offices have a really mean sense of humour. Didn't they see Payback when I annihilated D'Evil in the fourway match? Poor girl was shattered and drained of any confidence she had. Sometimes it hurts me to be so superior to other people... why do they have to put us both through this ordeal again?
Percy Micro: They have done the same with Serbia. She is getting her rematch at the Timebomb Pay Per View.
Brent Alpine: See - cruel, I tell ya. Two careers will be ruined in the space of two shows. Why not pair them against opponents more on their talent level? Like The Spockmaster! Or even each other. It's poor booking.
Percy Micro: So you don't presume that Denise will be stronger this time? After all, she has just gotten engaged to Night Rider and she's come out victorious in her last two matches since Payback.
Brent Alpine: Even if she was one hundred times better, the outcome would still be the same - The Shine shining, D'Evil nothing more than a shadow.
Percy Micro: Did you watch her latest promo 'A walk through the city'?
Brent Alpine: I think so. It wasn't too memorable. She's a pretty little sheila but she blows a lot of hot air. First she kept crowing on about these mysterious and powerful Shadows of Darkness without anything more interesting than 'Oh look, me and Night Rider are the shadows. Woo spooky!' Then in that promo, she said a lot without really saying anything - 'Why can I beat Brent Alpine this time? Err, because this time I want to'. Fair dinkum, that's genius logic.
Percy Micro: Does the as yet unknown third Shadow bring you any trepidation?
Brent Alpine: No way, it's clearly The Spockmaster. I can tell by the silhouette.
(Brent awkwardly climbs and bestrides the horse. It neighs and struggles. He holds up his Television Championship and stares purposefully into the camera.)
Brent Alpine: I don't care if I face Denise D'Evil, Serbia, Night Rider, The Spockmaster, Pantheon, Sequitus, S-PAC or even that lovable little flamin galah, Tyler Walker... This TV Title is my baby. The Shine never leaves his baby in the dark. I will keep this belt for life. I take it to bed with me when I'm pashing the bitches. I take it to the shitter when I'm causing a solar eclipse from the place where most people's sun don't shine. I will take it to the grave and defend it in heaven if needs be. THIS IS NEVER LEAVING MY CARE! I WON'T LOSE! I JUST WON'T!
Percy Micro: Gosh, Brent. You seem a little tightly wound.
Brent Alpine: I'm cool mate, no drama. My win is merely a formality.
Percy Micro: Hmm, I sense some pressure. Perhaps you do need to join a stable..
Brent Alpine (snapping): I don't need anything! As I told you, I will be committing a public service if I do join a stable. In fact, let me officially offer an opportunity to any of the factions within the WCF. Brent Alpine is the number one commodity on the planet in every sphere of life. You want the culture vulture, the visionary, the one remaining hope?... you may now commence the wooing process. I am open to wine and dining. You may also beg on your knees. This is a MINIMUM requirement. You know where to find me - standing victorious over the helpless Denise D'Evil tomorrow night on Slam.
Percy Micro (bored): OK, can we go home now?
Brent Alpine: ONE LAST THING. It's very important. Th...
(Before he can complete his sentence, the horse tussles and charges around the stable. Alpine goes toppling off and lands into a large haystack. This wakes up Percy Micro's pig body. Fade to black.)
(Like a dart of lightning stalks along silver clouds, a yellow Lamborghini Revention veers across a country lane. It is morning as evidenced by a tinge of mist and sporadic rays of sunshine shimmering off the road surface. The narrow tarmac track is flanked by banks of grass sparkling with dew. We follow the hefty vehicle as it continues its erratic path. While top speed isn't shied away from, it is clear that this car is being commanded by an amateur. Or even worse. This is confirmed when it skids through a thick pasture and begins to lose its zip. The tires initially struggle to grip. The Lamborghini roars like a melee of lions but accelerates to its zenith and regains momentum on the deep field.)
(Inside the Revention, 'The Shine' Brent Alpine is clasping the wheel as though riding a dragon. He bears an ecstatic grin and his curly mane is wilder and more coarse than usual. In the passenger chair is a baby seat with a terrified mini pig strapped in tight. Percy Micro's trotters are flailing back and forth and its nostrils are convulsing in panic. A cacophony of oinks and high pitched wheezes are only mildly snuffed out by the sound of...)
Brent Alpine: WHEEEEEEEEEE! WHOOOOOOOHAAAAAAAAY! YAY HEY! This is BONZAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
(In stark contrast to the frenzied din of Percy Micro's pig self, wearied and automated words play from his externally controlled electrolarynx.)
Percy Micro: Excuse me sir. Where are we going now?
Brent Alpine: Oh hello mate. You've been quiet for a while. We're going on a magical mystery tour.
Percy Micro: Are you sure this is a sensible idea?
Brent Alpine: Whatcha mean, dingo?
Percy Micro: If I may be reasonably curt, Mr. Alpine... you have been acting very unusually during the last few days. All this talk about aligning yourself with other wrestlers in the WCF and these weird trips you have been taking me on... I'm positively baffled.
Brent Alpine: Let me prove a point today.
Percy Micro: Ohhhhhhh...
(After what seems far too long of farm terrain for the Revention to handle, it finally emerges back onto the beaten track. As Brent nonchalantly drives onto a main road, the driver of a blue Peugeot 208 is forced to slam on their brakes to accommodate him. The other driver repeatedly sounds his horn in fury.)
Brent Alpine: Friendly blokes round here, ain't they?
(With no indication, Alpine pulls into a junction. It leads to a crowded car park. He haphazardly enters a space and has to brake sharply. Parked at an angle, the Lamborghini occupies two designated spaces by encroaching the white dividing lines. Brent doesn't appear to care. He looks up and gazes upon the entrance. The arched sign reads 'Hallowdale Country Park'. Alpine smiles with the glee of a toddler.)
Percy Micro: Where are we?
Brent Alpine: Can't you see the sign?
Percy Micro: Negative. The pig... I mean, I have knocked my spy-cam off my collar during the journey.
Brent Alpine: Wow cool, you have a spy-cam? Are you like FBI pig or something?!
Percy Micro (incredulous at Alpine's naivety): Could you just put it back on please?
(Alpine grabs the pea sized camera from the car set and slots it back in the gap in Micro's collar next to his electrolarynx. Micro's controller - identified as 'Words' through letters to Alpine in a previous scene - gets the country park sign in view.)
Percy Micro: NO! We can't go there! You know what my body will do!
Brent Alpine: Exxxxxx-actly!
(Cut.)
(We reopen in the country park. By the pigpen, to be specific. Alpine has Percy Micro hoisted up into his arms. A variety of visitors, including a school party, flock around Brent to admire his cute ungulate manager. The Shine appears to be enjoying the attention, though it isn't totally upon him. Alpine carries Micro to the sty and hovers him over the much bigger swines who eagerly await his arrival. Micro appears equally enthusiastic.)
Percy Micro: DON'T DO THIS! I WARN YOU!
(Many of the shocked visitors exclaim comments like 'IT TALKS!', 'cool!' and 'what did he say?')
Percy Micro: PLEASE SIR! This could destroy me...
(As Alpine lowers Percy into the pigpen, the other pigs sniff and lick him excitedly. Micro raises towards a smaller pig and mounts it amorously.)
School Boy: Eww, they're having sex!
(The visitors erupt in giggles and gasps.)
Brent Alpine: Aww, so proud. Percy Wercy, finally getting laid!
Percy Micro: Get me out of here!
(Cut.)
(We reappear in a stable, away from the crowds. Alpine pats the placid mare and drapes his Television Title belt atop its proud mane. Percy Micro sleeps contently on a nearby hay pile. Despite his pig body being in a deep slumber, Micro's voice still emanates from it.)
Percy Micro: Look, you tired me out. You could have gotten me killed, broken my incredibly expensive equipment or worse. Are you happy with yourself?
Brent Alpine: Incredibly happy, drongo. You learnt a valuable lesson today.
Percy Micro: ... And that is? That you are a loose cannon? Knew that one.
Brent Alpine: You learnt that no man... or pig is an island. You might have been protesting when I was putting you in but the second you landed with those piggies, you were like a horny little hobgoblin. You mounted those hogs like Denise D'Evil in a field of cucumbers!
Percy Micro: That is my, regrettably, biological predisposition. I lose all sovereignty over this body when you pull farcical stunts like that. I still do not follow your rationale...
Brent Alpine: I'll give ya a clue. Where are we?
Percy Micro: A stable.
Brent Alpine: That's it! A stable. Exactly what The Shine needs.
Percy Micro: Not this again. I told you before - you would be ill advised to get yourself entangled in this gang warfare within the WCF. The atmosphere is intensifying and I fear dangerous consequences. Pantheon, Sequitus, S-PAC... three extremely combustible elements are colliding like no other time before. I prophesy that they will all rip shreds off of each other and fall like dominoes. If you pick sides, you will be one of those dominoes. Mr. Alpine, with respect, keep your head down and stay out of trouble. You are progressing very steadily with your TV Title and you haven't been pinned or made to submit yet. My professional advice, as your MANAGER lest you forget, is that you go into preservation mode. Do not descend deeper into the theater of war than you need to.
Brent Alpine: Fear, fear, fear. Fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. That's all that leaves your mouth lately, Percy. What you're failing to realise is that I am the puppet master of all wars. Any side that The Shine aligns with cannot fail to triumph.
Percy Micro: But what is your motive? Not only would it pose you serious risk, I also worry that you might get lost in the shuffle in a group like Pantheon with those main event talents. Sir, I have known you for a few weeks now and have seen that, if there is a chink in your armour, it's your sheer desperation for friends.
Brent Alpine: I'm not desperate for mates, mate. They are desperate for me! And how can you say that I would get lost in the shuffle? I AM THE SHUFFLE! The problem is that I am currently upstaging the main event blokes. Every week the TV Title match is the highlight while the main events are overshadowed. The only solution is that I mix with these drongos and bring them the RADIANCE they so dearly crave.
Percy Micro: And who, dare I ask, would you join?
Brent Alpine: Who knows mate? I forgot their names...
Percy Micro: Pantheon? Sequitus? S-PAC?
Brent Alpine: Maybe. Or maybe I could be the newest Shadow of Darkness!
Percy Micro: That really would be a bad move.
Brent Alpine: Yeah, I was joking. I wouldn't stoop to that low. Speaking of which, did you hear I have Denise again on Slam?
Percy Micro: Indeed.
Brent Alpine: Quite frankly, those blokes down in the WCF offices have a really mean sense of humour. Didn't they see Payback when I annihilated D'Evil in the fourway match? Poor girl was shattered and drained of any confidence she had. Sometimes it hurts me to be so superior to other people... why do they have to put us both through this ordeal again?
Percy Micro: They have done the same with Serbia. She is getting her rematch at the Timebomb Pay Per View.
Brent Alpine: See - cruel, I tell ya. Two careers will be ruined in the space of two shows. Why not pair them against opponents more on their talent level? Like The Spockmaster! Or even each other. It's poor booking.
Percy Micro: So you don't presume that Denise will be stronger this time? After all, she has just gotten engaged to Night Rider and she's come out victorious in her last two matches since Payback.
Brent Alpine: Even if she was one hundred times better, the outcome would still be the same - The Shine shining, D'Evil nothing more than a shadow.
Percy Micro: Did you watch her latest promo 'A walk through the city'?
Brent Alpine: I think so. It wasn't too memorable. She's a pretty little sheila but she blows a lot of hot air. First she kept crowing on about these mysterious and powerful Shadows of Darkness without anything more interesting than 'Oh look, me and Night Rider are the shadows. Woo spooky!' Then in that promo, she said a lot without really saying anything - 'Why can I beat Brent Alpine this time? Err, because this time I want to'. Fair dinkum, that's genius logic.
Percy Micro: Does the as yet unknown third Shadow bring you any trepidation?
Brent Alpine: No way, it's clearly The Spockmaster. I can tell by the silhouette.
(Brent awkwardly climbs and bestrides the horse. It neighs and struggles. He holds up his Television Championship and stares purposefully into the camera.)
Brent Alpine: I don't care if I face Denise D'Evil, Serbia, Night Rider, The Spockmaster, Pantheon, Sequitus, S-PAC or even that lovable little flamin galah, Tyler Walker... This TV Title is my baby. The Shine never leaves his baby in the dark. I will keep this belt for life. I take it to bed with me when I'm pashing the bitches. I take it to the shitter when I'm causing a solar eclipse from the place where most people's sun don't shine. I will take it to the grave and defend it in heaven if needs be. THIS IS NEVER LEAVING MY CARE! I WON'T LOSE! I JUST WON'T!
Percy Micro: Gosh, Brent. You seem a little tightly wound.
Brent Alpine: I'm cool mate, no drama. My win is merely a formality.
Percy Micro: Hmm, I sense some pressure. Perhaps you do need to join a stable..
Brent Alpine (snapping): I don't need anything! As I told you, I will be committing a public service if I do join a stable. In fact, let me officially offer an opportunity to any of the factions within the WCF. Brent Alpine is the number one commodity on the planet in every sphere of life. You want the culture vulture, the visionary, the one remaining hope?... you may now commence the wooing process. I am open to wine and dining. You may also beg on your knees. This is a MINIMUM requirement. You know where to find me - standing victorious over the helpless Denise D'Evil tomorrow night on Slam.
Percy Micro (bored): OK, can we go home now?
Brent Alpine: ONE LAST THING. It's very important. Th...
(Before he can complete his sentence, the horse tussles and charges around the stable. Alpine goes toppling off and lands into a large haystack. This wakes up Percy Micro's pig body. Fade to black.)
