Post by Mr. Jack Happy on Jan 25, 2014 1:42:40 GMT -5
"And they kept offending him with their high places, and with their graven images they kept inciting him to jealousy." Psalms 78:58
(Our scene fades in on a downtown shot of Miami. There is much ado...the hustle and the bustle as people scurry everywhere and nowhere all with the same manner of intensity and purpose. As our camera fades away from where most of the activity is, we find ourselves going towards The River Park Hotel. Unlike all the lively and colorful people in the heart of Miami, this one is...well...something from a horror story to say the least. The rooms reek of pesticides and many of the occupants resemble people seen on 'America's Most Wanted.' As the camera enters "lucky" room 13, we find ourselves face-to-face with Mr. Unhappy's long time confidant and recently promoted to manager, The Hangman. His hulking frame blots out everything going on behind him as he regards the camera with a measured disdain. A struggle ensues before The Hangman eventually wrests the camera away. Slamming the door behind him, we now get to see things through HIS vantage point.)
"Sounds like they tried putting up a fight. Pathetic really. Ahhh...you've got the camera. Well, please film me, but from the angle I requested."
"Whatever, you crazy ass bastard. Here's the bottle caps you wanted. Hate drinking their piss water that they pass off for beer, but it's better than being dry all night. You owe me a bottle of Jack, Jack."
(As the camera ZOOMS in, we find ourselves in a rather EXTREME close-up. In fact, it looks as if Mr. Unhappy is smiling until we realize that the top of his head is actually his chin. He's being taped upside down. Mr. Unhappy takes the bottle caps and rests them on his chin, giving the appearance that he's smiling ever-so-widely, the caps looking like a pair of wide eyes. Jack then speaks...)
"What a misinformed little BITCH you are Chelsea. Where to begin with that overblown piece of garbage you aired recently? I shouldn't have expected anything less from a misguided, wayward cave-woman from the stone age. Hey, check it out! I'm SOOOO HAPPY as I'm telling you this. See my smile? It's just beaming like you picture me. BEAMING I SAY!!! And look at my 'eyes' as they glitter with happiness. Ohhhh burrito nomnomnom.....ooh let's giggle muhahaha...more burritos nomnomnom.....hey, I need something to juggle and a spray bottle to spray people down with and ENOUGH OF THE BULLSHIT ALREADY CHELSEA!!!!!"
(Jack reaches up and grabs hold of the camera. He shakes it violently and then flicks the bottle caps off his chin towards the lens. As The Hangman finally gets Mr. Unhappy into the proper frame, we see Jack holding his chain in one hand and caressing it with the other...much like a lover would. His eyes stay fixated on the chain as he continues...)
"Ya see, Chelsea, you're just like everyone else here in the Woeful Chumpionship Federation. You see only what you saw in the past. 'Oh, you're happy most of the time.' Am I? AM I YOU STUPID SPEWING BITCH?!?!?!?! Do I 'appear' happy right now? However, it's okay. It's oooookay. Soon, you're going to have your own place on this chain. It'll be a spot near to my very own black, heart. And ya know something Chelsea? Every time I get close to even cracking a GRIN, I'll remember how you decided to open your ugly, fat mouth and let the idiocy that you drown in flow out. 'You're a clown.' 'Your whole image is a contradictory statement.' 'You're jealous.'"
(Jack lays down on the bed, his grimace still firmly planted on his masked visage. Still, he looks down at his chain and brushes at it...as if it had hair. Maybe...Chelsea's hair?)
"Chelsea, please keep regarding me as a clown. In spite of everything you've had AMPLE time to learn about me, PLEASE keep taking me lightly. I gain such satisfaction when you continue to validate a proverb I heard several years back. The proverb goes something like this: 'Better to remain silent and appear to be stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.' For all of your potential to be great, you're simply just like the rest. I can lump you in with them because they said the SAME THING. You're Jeff Purse all over again. That's all he thought of me and where is he now Chelsea? Did he beat me with that train of thought? Is he still here chasing Indians? Your perspective, it makes me remember the words to something so entirely relevant, and this too, you have misunderstood."
Isn't it rich? Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground and you in mid-air?
Send in the clowns
Isn't it bliss? Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around and one who can't move?
But where are the clowns? Send in the clowns
Just when I stopped opening doors
Finally finding the one that I wanted was yours
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines
Nobody's there
Don't you love a farce? My fault I fear
I thought that you'd want what I'd want, sorry my dear
But where are the clowns? Send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here
Isn't it rich? Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career
But where are the clowns? Send in the clowns
Well, maybe next year
(Jack takes a contemplative sigh. Gently, he kisses the chain and whispers words of solace that we can't make out as they are so soft. Putting the chain on the bed next to him, he laces his fingers together and taps his thumbs to each other as he looks out the window, speaking once more...)
"You were HALF-right about something. I am jealous. However, it's not about you Chelsea. Why would I want what so many are laying claim to? From your husband, to Stacy, S-Pac, even Logan himself has alluded to you. Now you want to name drop ME in with that clusterfuck? No, my jealousy isn't about being with you at all. Instead, my jealousy is over people that have made a name for themselves from the blood, sweat, and tears (or even cheers) of people like ME. I went from not having a job here, to helping set the damn rings up, to now wrestling IN them and when I hear a mealy-mouthed bitch like yourself categorize me and try to use me as some kind of launching pad....it pisses me off, it helps with my frown, and then it makes me jealous all in the same vein. Hey, if YOU can do it, so can I. And that's what I've done, Chelsea. Everyone else was getting their own 15 minutes of fame. From damn DRINKING MATCHES, to ambulance ones, to even title shots, and what did I get? Oh, yeah, let's put Jack in an obligatory match because he is getting a paycheck from us. FUCKERS!"
"Yet, I'm not gonna just sit around and get all bent out of shape. Nononono....I used my jealousy, instead, and look where WE are at now. Now we have a match that THEY only wished they had. The kicker? They get to SEE the match that they will never have now, this is the creme de la creme and I built it. THEY get to have the jealousy that I let fester inside me. Now THAT is where my jealousy lies and it will always lie there."
(Jack's contemplative hand grasping suddenly changes. Prying his hands apart, he balls his right hand up and pounds it into his left, the flesh snapping against each other.)
"I'm incredibly unhappy Chelsea. There is no contradiction there. I'm CONSTANTLY having to go behind people and fix their fuck-ups. I did it with Purse, I've done it with Seth, and now I HAVE to do it with you. You come into this match with HOPE and with HYPE and I can't allow either one to be fostered inside of you. Period. The only contradiction is between your mind and your body and I will change that when you tap out to me. That will be the BEGINNING of your change. You can change Chelsea. You should change, Chelsea. You will change and that fact won't change."
"So, Hangman, are we set for tomorrow?"
"Bright and early. Wouldn't have it any other way. So let's wrap this up shall we?"
(Jack grabs the chain and starts to wrap it around his fist. Squeezing onto the chain tightly, he concludes...)
"Chelsea, I'm always coming up with something. And now I have another proposition, but this time there aren't any more stakes to the offer. I know that on tomorrow as well as on Sunday, there will be a mandatory autograph signing session held at the arena. I say, why wait until match-time to have some fun? Let's have our own meet and greet tomorrow and, hell, let's just pick that up again on Sunday once we're back inside the place? While everyone else is having their matches, no one will care because they'll be more interested in how bad we're trashing each other. Just one thing though: I wouldn't advise bringing your S-Pac mutts to our festivities. You see, I have a 6'9 ABOMINATION that really doesn't play well with others and I'd hate NOT to be the reason why you didn't GET DOWN WITH THE FROWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Jack uses the chain, striking the nearby lamp and sending the room into darkness as our scene fades out.)
(Our scene fades in on a downtown shot of Miami. There is much ado...the hustle and the bustle as people scurry everywhere and nowhere all with the same manner of intensity and purpose. As our camera fades away from where most of the activity is, we find ourselves going towards The River Park Hotel. Unlike all the lively and colorful people in the heart of Miami, this one is...well...something from a horror story to say the least. The rooms reek of pesticides and many of the occupants resemble people seen on 'America's Most Wanted.' As the camera enters "lucky" room 13, we find ourselves face-to-face with Mr. Unhappy's long time confidant and recently promoted to manager, The Hangman. His hulking frame blots out everything going on behind him as he regards the camera with a measured disdain. A struggle ensues before The Hangman eventually wrests the camera away. Slamming the door behind him, we now get to see things through HIS vantage point.)
"Sounds like they tried putting up a fight. Pathetic really. Ahhh...you've got the camera. Well, please film me, but from the angle I requested."
"Whatever, you crazy ass bastard. Here's the bottle caps you wanted. Hate drinking their piss water that they pass off for beer, but it's better than being dry all night. You owe me a bottle of Jack, Jack."
(As the camera ZOOMS in, we find ourselves in a rather EXTREME close-up. In fact, it looks as if Mr. Unhappy is smiling until we realize that the top of his head is actually his chin. He's being taped upside down. Mr. Unhappy takes the bottle caps and rests them on his chin, giving the appearance that he's smiling ever-so-widely, the caps looking like a pair of wide eyes. Jack then speaks...)
"What a misinformed little BITCH you are Chelsea. Where to begin with that overblown piece of garbage you aired recently? I shouldn't have expected anything less from a misguided, wayward cave-woman from the stone age. Hey, check it out! I'm SOOOO HAPPY as I'm telling you this. See my smile? It's just beaming like you picture me. BEAMING I SAY!!! And look at my 'eyes' as they glitter with happiness. Ohhhh burrito nomnomnom.....ooh let's giggle muhahaha...more burritos nomnomnom.....hey, I need something to juggle and a spray bottle to spray people down with and ENOUGH OF THE BULLSHIT ALREADY CHELSEA!!!!!"
(Jack reaches up and grabs hold of the camera. He shakes it violently and then flicks the bottle caps off his chin towards the lens. As The Hangman finally gets Mr. Unhappy into the proper frame, we see Jack holding his chain in one hand and caressing it with the other...much like a lover would. His eyes stay fixated on the chain as he continues...)
"Ya see, Chelsea, you're just like everyone else here in the Woeful Chumpionship Federation. You see only what you saw in the past. 'Oh, you're happy most of the time.' Am I? AM I YOU STUPID SPEWING BITCH?!?!?!?! Do I 'appear' happy right now? However, it's okay. It's oooookay. Soon, you're going to have your own place on this chain. It'll be a spot near to my very own black, heart. And ya know something Chelsea? Every time I get close to even cracking a GRIN, I'll remember how you decided to open your ugly, fat mouth and let the idiocy that you drown in flow out. 'You're a clown.' 'Your whole image is a contradictory statement.' 'You're jealous.'"
(Jack lays down on the bed, his grimace still firmly planted on his masked visage. Still, he looks down at his chain and brushes at it...as if it had hair. Maybe...Chelsea's hair?)
"Chelsea, please keep regarding me as a clown. In spite of everything you've had AMPLE time to learn about me, PLEASE keep taking me lightly. I gain such satisfaction when you continue to validate a proverb I heard several years back. The proverb goes something like this: 'Better to remain silent and appear to be stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.' For all of your potential to be great, you're simply just like the rest. I can lump you in with them because they said the SAME THING. You're Jeff Purse all over again. That's all he thought of me and where is he now Chelsea? Did he beat me with that train of thought? Is he still here chasing Indians? Your perspective, it makes me remember the words to something so entirely relevant, and this too, you have misunderstood."
Isn't it rich? Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground and you in mid-air?
Send in the clowns
Isn't it bliss? Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around and one who can't move?
But where are the clowns? Send in the clowns
Just when I stopped opening doors
Finally finding the one that I wanted was yours
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines
Nobody's there
Don't you love a farce? My fault I fear
I thought that you'd want what I'd want, sorry my dear
But where are the clowns? Send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here
Isn't it rich? Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career
But where are the clowns? Send in the clowns
Well, maybe next year
(Jack takes a contemplative sigh. Gently, he kisses the chain and whispers words of solace that we can't make out as they are so soft. Putting the chain on the bed next to him, he laces his fingers together and taps his thumbs to each other as he looks out the window, speaking once more...)
"You were HALF-right about something. I am jealous. However, it's not about you Chelsea. Why would I want what so many are laying claim to? From your husband, to Stacy, S-Pac, even Logan himself has alluded to you. Now you want to name drop ME in with that clusterfuck? No, my jealousy isn't about being with you at all. Instead, my jealousy is over people that have made a name for themselves from the blood, sweat, and tears (or even cheers) of people like ME. I went from not having a job here, to helping set the damn rings up, to now wrestling IN them and when I hear a mealy-mouthed bitch like yourself categorize me and try to use me as some kind of launching pad....it pisses me off, it helps with my frown, and then it makes me jealous all in the same vein. Hey, if YOU can do it, so can I. And that's what I've done, Chelsea. Everyone else was getting their own 15 minutes of fame. From damn DRINKING MATCHES, to ambulance ones, to even title shots, and what did I get? Oh, yeah, let's put Jack in an obligatory match because he is getting a paycheck from us. FUCKERS!"
"Yet, I'm not gonna just sit around and get all bent out of shape. Nononono....I used my jealousy, instead, and look where WE are at now. Now we have a match that THEY only wished they had. The kicker? They get to SEE the match that they will never have now, this is the creme de la creme and I built it. THEY get to have the jealousy that I let fester inside me. Now THAT is where my jealousy lies and it will always lie there."
(Jack's contemplative hand grasping suddenly changes. Prying his hands apart, he balls his right hand up and pounds it into his left, the flesh snapping against each other.)
"I'm incredibly unhappy Chelsea. There is no contradiction there. I'm CONSTANTLY having to go behind people and fix their fuck-ups. I did it with Purse, I've done it with Seth, and now I HAVE to do it with you. You come into this match with HOPE and with HYPE and I can't allow either one to be fostered inside of you. Period. The only contradiction is between your mind and your body and I will change that when you tap out to me. That will be the BEGINNING of your change. You can change Chelsea. You should change, Chelsea. You will change and that fact won't change."
"So, Hangman, are we set for tomorrow?"
"Bright and early. Wouldn't have it any other way. So let's wrap this up shall we?"
(Jack grabs the chain and starts to wrap it around his fist. Squeezing onto the chain tightly, he concludes...)
"Chelsea, I'm always coming up with something. And now I have another proposition, but this time there aren't any more stakes to the offer. I know that on tomorrow as well as on Sunday, there will be a mandatory autograph signing session held at the arena. I say, why wait until match-time to have some fun? Let's have our own meet and greet tomorrow and, hell, let's just pick that up again on Sunday once we're back inside the place? While everyone else is having their matches, no one will care because they'll be more interested in how bad we're trashing each other. Just one thing though: I wouldn't advise bringing your S-Pac mutts to our festivities. You see, I have a 6'9 ABOMINATION that really doesn't play well with others and I'd hate NOT to be the reason why you didn't GET DOWN WITH THE FROWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Jack uses the chain, striking the nearby lamp and sending the room into darkness as our scene fades out.)
