I Want My LOTV

[Deleted]

***Edited for logo issues

The scene opens with a relatively empty room, except for an old television. The television comes on and we see Lupus Onyx wearing a brunette wig, sitting at a small table surrounded by three stuffed wolves. One wolf is wearing a black hoodie and sunglasses, one wolf has a large potato chip on his shoulder, the third has pig tails. Lupus pulls out a flamethrower and sets them all on fire.

The channel changes and we see Onyx arguing with Rick Grimes as a horde of zombies descends on them and their group.



Another channel change and we see Onyx lopping off the head of King Joffrey to thunderous applause from the kingdom.




Another channel change and Lupus Onyx is wearing a fez and suspenders, standing in front of the Tardis, looking down Clara's shirt.

Another channel change and we see Onyx sitting on what appears to be a dark room, sitting on a wooden stool. He lights up a cigarette, waves out the match and tosses the spent match aside. The camera zooms in and fades from the television screen to the actual location of the shoot. 

"Hello, I'm Lupus Onyx. 

Originally, I was to taking on the returning Seifer Black-Armstrong at WCF's Payback pay-per-view. He issued an open challenge, and being something of an opportunist, I accepted it. I even had a game plan. I was going to exploit his divisiveness he now finds himself in. His wife, Chelsea, and her tag partner, Stacy Robinson, having a falling out. For those of you playing at home, yes, that would be the same Stacy Robinson who is married to Seifer's Justice tag partner, Matt Robinson. Oh, would I love to have been a fly on the wall after Slam. 

Now, for whatever reason, WCF brass figured it would be better if Seifer got brought back into the fold with a lighter level of competition, so they gave him Chase Michaels and put them against the team of Sarah Twilight and Lilith. There's some bad blood there or something, doesn't concern me and frankly, I don't care. So, instead, I am competing in a four-person Television Title match. 

Now, normally I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you all like this. I'd have something witty to say about each of my opponents. I'd be extolling the virtues of Satanism. I'd be out and about somewhere, doing what I do best and that's pissing people off. 

However, today I am not. 

I even considered doing an entire Satanic ritual, naked. Hanging upside from an inverted cross, even cutting my forehead open and rubbing road salt, peroxide, malt vinegar and bleach into the wound as a demonstration of the pain tolerance I have. 

However, today I am not. 

You see, I've come to the realization that there is too much negativity in the world. All of my opponents this week all have their own takes on themselves, the darkness, and society in general. Lassiter, with his images of grandeur and superiority. James Fatel believing he can save the diseased world. And Serbia's continual struggles with her past despite coming off an impressive victory last week to claim gold. Each of them will play their game of "I'm The Darkest" to intimidate the rest of us. Many of you will have even expected it from me. 

However, today I am not. I want to show you the other side of Lupus Onyx. The side most people don't get to see." 

The 'dark room' expands and we realize it was simply black painted background props as the cameraman pulls away from Lupus, and the grips pull back the walls. Lupus Onyx is actually sitting on a stool in the middle of a Miami street. Palm trees line the street, the Atlantic Ocean on the right, the sea air hitting Lupus' lungs like a hug from an old friend. 

"We are here in beautiful Miami, Florida. It is about 70 degrees out, cool by Miami standards but where I'm from, this is beach weather. And today, I am going to show you that the world really isn't so dark." 

Onyx sees an old woman waiting to cross at a traffic light and he walks up to her. 

"Excuse me, would you like help crossing the road, ma'am?" 

The old woman smacks him with her purse and walks away. Onyx shrugs and continues down the road. 

"She's an independent woman, good on her for using her intestinal fortitude to want to do things on her own. I'M PROUD OF YOU, RANDOM OLD PERSON!" 

The old woman gives Onyx the finger but he doesn't see it. Onyx then sees a homeless man outside a McDonald's holding his hand out, and Onyx sees an opportunity. He walks into McDonald's, and a few minutes later, hands the homeless man a bag of food. 

"Here you go, sir. Enjoy." 

The homeless man waits for Onyx to walk away before throwing the bag in the trash, mumbling about wanting booze and weed. Again, Onyx doesn't notice. He sees a father with his son walking past a store, the son pointing out a toy in the window. The father nods his head no, ashamed. Onyx rushes into the store, buys the toy, comes back and runs up to them. 

"Hi. Listen, I saw you and your adorable little boy earlier, and he seemed to like the toy in the..." 

The man starts berating Onyx, calling him a stalker and pedophile, before taking his son's hand and walking away briskly. Onyx throws the toy on the ground. 

"THAT'S IT!" 

Onyx tracks the man down. 

"YOU LISTEN TO ME ASSHOLE! I WAS TRYING TO DO A GOOD DEED AND SHOW THIS WORLD IS NOT AS FUCKED UP AS PEOPLE MAKE IT OUT TO BE..." 

Onyx superkicks the father in the face! Then punts the kid before walking away, angry. The old woman has started her walk back across and Onyx sees her. 

"YOU, LADY! YOU WANT TO FLIP ME OFF?" 

Onyx superkicks the old woman! By now, Onyx has drew a crowd of surprised onlookers. Onyx walks up to the homeless man and sees the bag of food in the trash. Before Onyx can say anything, the man cowers and ducks, after seeing Onyx superkicking the other people. Onyx talks with the man and after a couple of minutes, Onyx shakes hands with him, and the crowd who's been watching everything unfold, cannot help but clap for the feel-good moment. 

"I'm sorry for losing it folks, thankfully Stan here was a voice of reason. If it wasn't for him..." 

Onyx superkicks Stan, the homeless man. The crowd gasps as Stan drops to the ground. 

"I JUST KICKED STAN!" 

Police show up, four squad cars surround Onyx as he puts his hands behind his head and starts to go down to his knees. As officers go to cuff him, Onyx gets up quickly and everyone... the crowd, the cops, Stan the homeless man, the father and son, and the old woman start dancing in the street. 

Flash mob. 

***** 

"So, I told you that story to tell you this one.

Once upon a time, there were three men... okay... one man, one boy, and whatever the fuck Fatel is. And a woman... okay... it looks like a woman, but smells like a man, tucks under like a drag queen, and I believe I saw her in the locker room last week at Slam shaving her moustache. ANYWAYS... there were four people... three people, plus Fatel... in a match for the Television Title at Payback."

Onyx holds up three fingers. He touches his ring finger.

"James Fatel, you already graced us with your presence and despite being 2-0, you really haven't had to do a whole lot to get here. To you, the world and its inhabitants are a disease, and you are its cure. Fascinating. That makes you a mutation, a genetic anomaly. Like a virus... like a disease. So you aren't really a cure, you're just a replacement disease. Guess you really didn't think that all the way through, did you? You're a fucking idiot. I think you're fooling yourself if you think you can be anything more than a jobber in this business, and not even a glorified one. Even Barry Horowitz won the occasional match. Google him, I doubt anyone under the age of 25 will know who I just referenced. I'm not going to waste any more time talking about you, go fuck a running chainsaw."

Onyx brings down the ring finger and touches his index finger.

"The man they call Lassiter. I'll give you a little credit, you come into this match with very little known about you, which can be to your advantage. However, you do come into this company with a huge chip on your shoulder, a very strong superiority complex. Usually, the ones who have to tell everyone they are better than everyone else usually have very low self-esteem. Add that to the people here in WCF who seem to get off on kicking rookies for fun, and you put yourself into a really deep hole that I don't know if you can dig yourself out of. I'm sure I'll get the typical 'of course I will' response and a full diatribe asking how dare I insinuate that you will do anything less than get to the top. I'll save you the three minutes I'll regret not getting back and answering your question. I didn't insinuate, I was direct. You won't get there. Not on my watch, not on my time, and not while I'll always be around to kick you back down should you even get any sort of momentum."

Onyx punches his fist and sneers into the camera. He holds up the middle finger.

"Fitting, no? Serbia, congratulations on beating the un-Fourchon-ate bastard and winning the Television Title. Payback, quite the appropriate title. I haven't forgotten our last encounter, Serbia. In fact, let's replay the end of the match, shall we? Roll it, television magicians!"

Zach Davis: He's going for the Screwdriver... the Devil's Crucifix!

No!, Valentina reverses it by shifting her weight and landing behind Onyx. She hits him with a Double Knee Backbreaker, dropping him. He rolls out of the ring, clutching his back in time. Valentina gets up and turns, face to face with Serbia. The two begin trading strikes. Serbia gets the upper hand and irish whips Valentina, but Valentina reverses it, sending Serbia into the ropes. As Serbia comes back she executes a Headscissors Takedown on Valentina, who rolls out of the ring. Turner is up, groggy, and Serbia catches him..

Erin Robbins: Marijuana Trip! Only legal in Denver, but Serbia hits it!

After the Jumping Leg Lariat, Serbia quickly hops to the top and flies off...

Zach Davis: Reign of Terror! Into the pin!

One!
Two!
Three!

Erin Robbins: There you have it! Serbia pins Justin Turner and gets the win!

"I guess you can thank the 'college graduate bitch' for you holding that title. The ONLY reason you have that title is because you went and took out the weakest link. That doesn't make you good, it makes you lucky. So, what's the plan this week, pin Fatel and run? Yeah, not going to happen.

You know, when I came to WCF, I had a mission. My mission was to take out the biggest in the yard and watch the rest fall in line. Right now, with you holding the strap, and the target on your back, I guess that makes you the one to take out. I didn't underestimate you, Serbia, I knew EXACTLY what you were. I just didn't hold you that highly then, nor do I hold you any higher now.

The thing is, it's the whole 'troubled past' thing I can't get past. Name me ONE person whose life has been exactly as they wanted it, with no insecurities, no drama, no hang-ups about their appearance, and I would call them out for being a horrible liar. Fact is, Serbia, EVERYONE has a story. Everybody has a past they aren't proud of, most of us get the fuck over it. Instead of the 'I try really hard to rise above it but if I have to go back to it to feel better I will'... HOW ABOUT SHUTTING THE FUCK UP AND GROWING THE FUCK UP?! Hearing you blather on about your pitiful existence make ME want to commit suicide so I don't have to listen to YOU. Put the shotgun in your mouth and pull the trigger already. Or fuck, let ME do it so I can at least get some entertainment value from you.

Lassiter, Fatel, Serbia... forget the comedy, forget the horrible impressions, forget everything you just witnessed. The Television Title is already mine, now's just the best part. The lights shining, the cameras rolling, and the spotlight on the ONLY person in this match that matters. It'll be nice to start getting real competition... after I beat the three of you."

The camera pans back, and we are back in the room with the television. A sledgehammer is thrown at the television, causing it to explode and the promo to end.