Do You Understand My Pain Now?

[Deleted]

Introduction: My WCF debut wasn’t the win I was hoping for. However, I am not ignorant. I can read between the lines and absorb any true meanings from any of my matches no matter what the result of the match happens to be. Despite the fact that Serbia was the winner, and not me, I still, at the very least, made a statement. That statement, you ask? Valentina Madison isn’t a “bubble gum” pushover, nor is she someone who should be taken lightly just because of the way she looks. Valentina Madison is someone people should be paying attention to, someone to watch. Because, I can honestly say, it won’t be very long before I accomplish something in my life that I really did want to accomplish, not something that was forced upon me by people that took advantage of me.



Friday Night, Evanston, Illinois



I’m inside of my own home, as I decided to make a brief detour there to get my mind cleared on some stuff. I’m not satisfied with the statement I made, because I want more than what I have. Ignorant people may never understand why, so hopefully, I can make things clear with my plan for what I am about to do on this Friday night. I walk up from my basement carrying a medium-sized box. Deep down inside, I’ve been wanting to do what I’m about to do for some time now.



Valentina Madison: At last, this is my chance to bury the life I once lived even further. My own parents are going to be so disappointed with what I’m about to do, but really…



I scoff at this notion.



Valentina Madison: I don’t care! My own parents did nothing but oppress me and now, I’m about to rid my life of all signs of said oppression!



I walk up to a room I don’t quite visit so often. I open the door and enter inside. I let out a cough or two from the dust that had accumulated since the last time I stepped into this room. I turn the light on and I see the centerpiece of this oppression, a large, trophy case. That trophy case has many of my accomplishments, from Honor Roll, to my membership in the National Honors Society, to academic competition victories and even athletic accolades. How, though, could I be disgusted by this? You’re all about to find out.



Valentina Madison: There they are, every single talisman that represents the forced lifestyle that my own parents put on me. I never wanted that lifestyle, I despised it to the very core. But now, I’m going to do something about it.



I walk up to it and the first thing I see is the bottom row, a row of my framed certificates that I’ve managed to gather over the years.



Valentina Madison: There’s my high school diploma, there’s my award for being in the top one percent of my class, there’s my final Honor Role certificate, there’s my “Top Scholar” award from NHS…



I gather all those certificates and put them in the box.



Valentina Madison: They’re saved, because those are certificates I earned on my own. They were all me! I actually wanted to strive for those.



But why don’t I just leave them there, if I actually appreciate those? Regardless, I see five certificates that disgust me!



Valentina Madison: Citizenship award, “Teen Samaritan”, “Model Youth Award”, “Best Senior Center Volunteer”, “Role Model of Future Generations”, YUCK! I never wanted anything to do with this! My parents FORCED this on me! I would have rather gotten a job to save up for wrestling school than being forced to volunteer at a senior center to be “nice” to a bunch of leeches that were once useful in society, but now drain taxpayers like me of their hard earned wages. Thus, these certificates must be DESTROYED!



I gather all of them and I slam each of those five certificates on the hard tile floor, one by one, breaking them. My heart feels great, having destroyed some symbols of my oppressed youth! The second row of the trophy case contains academic competition trophies, and they ALL disgust me!



Valentina Madison: Seventh and eighth grade spelling bee champion… my parents took advantage of my superior intellect by living vicariously through me and forcing me into these competitions I NEVER wanted to take part in. Eighth grade geography bowl winner, sixth grade American History Quiz Champion. All I ever wanted to do was grow up as a normal teenager, but no, my parents wouldn’t let me. They wanted to exploit my naturally gifted intelligence until they were satisfied that I corrected their own brutal failures! Be gone you wretched talisman of Satan!



I take each of those trophies and I throw them against the wall, shattering them into hundreds of pieces. Third row, various academic trophies based on merit and achievement. I’m not as hostile to this row of trophies.



Valentina Madison: Perfect score on the reading and math portions of the ISAT test in both seventh and eighth grade, a perfect Grade Point Average, Perfect Attendance 3rd through 12th grades, these are fine.



I put them all in the box. Then however, there are the trophies in that row that make me abhor my parents even more.



Valentina Madison: “Academic Leader” award for being a student council member with a 4.0, “Model Scholar” trophy for tutoring second graders and maintaining that 4.0, “Best Student Teacher of Underprivileged Elementary School Children”…



My anger is seething by this point.



Valentina Madison: I never WANTED to be a student council member for ONE year, let alone four, as my parents forced me to do. I never WANTED to tutor a bunch of dirty, spoiled, rotten little kids. And I never, EVER wanted to teach underprivileged kids, because the way I see it, they are the reason why society is rotting at this very day. I could have spent all of that productive time being my own young woman, but NO! WHAT MY PARENTS WANTED, MY PARENTS GOT! TO HELL WITH THIS!



I sweep those three trophies off the shelf and they all crash to the floor along with all the others. I come up to the last row and this one is one I have no pride in. It’s full of all the athletic achievements from a softball career I never wanted. I was good at softball, being on all-region and all-states teams and even drawing a scholarship offer from the University of Texas, but all of this was something I never wanted.



Valentina Madison: “Valentina, softball is such a good sport for girls like you”. Sure mother, forget the fact that hockey is my favorite sport why don’t you? I wanted to play hockey, but my father said no because it was “too rough” so they forced this terrible excuse for a sport upon me.



I look down and see my old softball bat leaning against the trophy case.



Valentina Madison: Now it’s time to knock this dictatorial oppression out of the park!



I pick up the bat and one by one, I take each softball trophy and swing the bat at each of them, destroying them upon immediate contact. A few shards of those trophies however, nicked my face around my cheekbones. I place my left hand over each of them and when I look at it, there is some blood, but not much. I don’t care, I slyly smirk at this.



Valentina Madison: It’s worth it!



I close the box containing the trophies I saved, and then I looked at the trophy case, which is completely empty now. I look all around me, seeing nothing but shattered trophies everywhere. I slyly smirk again and the satisfaction of what I just did is flooding me with joy!



Valentina Madison: It’s gone! Every trace of my oppressed youth is GONE! Mother, father, was forcing me into doing all those things I never wanted to do worth all the pain and agony in your hearts of your ‘precious little girl’ being gone forever? This trophy case is staying, and it’s staying for one reason only! I am filling up this case all over again, but this time, with WRESTLING accomplishments because I know that I can accomplish everything I set my mind to in this sport. I KNOW that it will be gratifying filling up this trophy case once again, but this time with the awards, the accolades and the trophies I WANT, with things that I did for ME and not anyone else! Lupus…



I chuckle at the mention of my opponent’s name.



Valentina Madison: Do you understand my pain now?



I laugh, looking at all the shattered signs of my oppressed youth one last time before I merely walk out of the trophy room feeling dignified and proud for what I just did.



Later that evening, inside of my own bedroom:



I settled down for a bit and as a matter of fact, the cuts on my checks from those trophy shards were deeper than I thought. No matter, I would still do what I had done earlier all over again. I’m sitting cross-legged in the middle of my bedroom, but it’s completely dark, minus the light coming from a small flashlight. Using this light, I’m able to find the candlestick I brought inside, and I light the candle. It illuminates the center of the room and I turn off my flashlight.



Valentina Madison: WCF, now do you understand? No, I don’t think so! I think I need to continue to demonstrate why your ignorant stereotypes of me continue to be wrong! Observe….



I lean in a bit, which reveals a bit more of my face, featuring a couple of bandages around my cheekbones. I then grab something and hoist it above the candle. It’s a Barbie doll, hung off of a puppet apparatus.



Valentina Madison: You ignoramuses want to stereotype me as a “Barbie”, I’ll show you how much of one I really am. As you see, this Barbie is its own puppet. This Barbie represents the person I used to be, and it’s fitting because I was everyone’s fool, I was society’s puppet and they all laughed and laughed as they took advantage of me and took something from me, which each of these four strings represents.



I look at the left arm of the doll.



Valentina Madison: My dignity… when I broke into this business, I had so much of it. I was prideful. I was cheerful. I was hopeful. I was dreaming of a bright future in this business! I was wishing for predestined happiness and glory to come to me. However, people decided it was going to be fun to take advantage of all that, whether they took me so seriously they got drunk before a match with me, or if they took advantage of the fact that I was a scared soul, my dignity was crushed each and every time someone ever took advantage of me.



I pull some small scissors into the scene and I snip the string representing “dignity”.



Valentina Madison: My innocence… thanks to my parents, I developed a reputation of never being able to harm or hurt anyone, physically or psychologically. Part of their oppression was sheltering me from the realities of this cruel society. That resulted in me coming into wrestling being stupid and naïve and not knowing said realities of this business. However, once those realities came to light, my naivety departed me… and along with it… my innocence…..



I snip the string holding up the right arm, representing “innocence”.



Valentina Madison: My compassion… Part of this had to do with my parents feeding me information I wanted nothing to do with. But, in reality, it was the cruel nature of many people in wrestling when I broke in. I had so much compassion for my fellow human being, but after learning how cutthroat this business is, said compassion faded into dust….



I snip the string holding up the left leg of the doll, obviously representing “compassion”.



Valentina Madison: And lastly, “weakness”. Before I saw the light, I was weak. Before I started to think for myself and develop my own morals, I was weak. This last string was the sturdiest, strongest of all the strings that held me back. Those fools had too much fun cutting the other strings, they couldn’t resist snapping this one too. When I decided enough was enough, this string was cut, and finally, I became free!



I snip the “weakness” string and the doll falls to the floor.



Valentina Madison: None of you control me anymore! I am NOT a puppet to your whims! I am NOT someone to take advantage of! I am NOT someone to take for granted, to be judged for something I’m not, and to be force fed morals I want NOTHING to do with! I took it FAR too much over the years! Now? I’m free, and I’m taking this company by storm! Lupus…. Now do you understand my pain?



I blow out the candles, effectively making the entire room dark. I chuckle a bit, having been satisfied with the demonstration I just got through delivering.



An hour later: the living room.



Valentina Madison: I’m glad to see that you admitted you were wrong about me Lupus…



I scoff.



Valentina Madison: But, that’s not good enough for me. I want to ask you a really good question Lupus, something that I want you to put it in your cerebellum and really ponder it. Are you one of those that can truly sympathize with me and can truly know what it is like to walk the miles I’ve walked, to experience the oppression I’ve experienced, and to feel the heartbreak that I’ve felt? Or, are you just another one of those people with a front, a wolf in sheep’s clothing so to speak, ready to show who the real you truly is and ready to take advantage of weakness? Personally, despite any respect you may have for me, I am not fully convinced that you can sympathize with me. As a matter of fact, I don’t even want your sympathy. Sympathy is merely “extra credit” in a situation like this. I’m not fully convinced that you can truly see where I come from, who I’ve become, why I’ve become the way I am now, and what I plan to do with it all. In other words, I want understanding, not sympathy. If you can’t give me that understanding Lupus, you’re just like all the other people that stereotype and judge me based off the way I look.



I asked you what sets you apart from people of your type. I’ll answer my own question so perhaps you can UNDERSTAND what exactly you’re dealing with. I worked hard for everything I’ve ever achieved in my life, even those achievements that I abhor because they were achievements my parents had forced upon me. I am never someone that took shortcuts. I didn’t want to settle for an academic institution that handed out acceptance letters like candy, or an academic institution that would likely reject people like me because they wanted to give handouts to underprivileged minorities with their “affirmative action” nonsense! My parents had wanted to teach me that dreaming and wishing was going to take you places. What they never wanted to teach me was that the willingness to do whatever it takes to live the life you want to live is what truly matters in this society. Life isn’t about being awarded something for winning a spelling bee or by being an all-state shortstop in your senior year of high school, nor is it about being rewarded for being a “good role model” or a “leader”. Those awards are shallow, Lupus, that’s why I destroyed them. It’s exemplary of how willing I am to do whatever it takes to become the wrestling champion I want to be!



I pause and think for a little bit, smirking as I come to a realization.



Valentina Madison: I have never seen that kind of drive in you. Perhaps, there was a time where you truly had it, but perhaps those years have passed you by. What is your true purpose for being here Lupus? Is it to mask your weaknesses? Is it to ‘inflict to others what was inflicted upon you’? Whether it’s those two purposes or any other, it will never match my true purpose for being here: to achieve something that I WANT TO DO, to achieve something for ME, to achieve something that I CAN BE PROUD OF that nobody can claim credit for! I’m a driven, hungry Wildcat that sees the realities that you can’t even see. I’ve been told many times that I’m wise beyond my years, that if I really wanted to fulfill my life with nothing but academic achievement, I could easily be a high ranking instructor at my own alma mater, to spread my intelligence, my philosophies and ways of life to a starving, dying generation with a dark, bleak future. But no, I don’t want that. My parents expected me to become that, but I never wanted that. Wrestling is what I always wanted, since the age of six when I was exposed to it for the first time ever. I never told my parents because they wouldn’t have accepted that. So I waited for years to finally chase what I wanted for me, a successful wrestling career! My parents, they were so dictatorial I swear to God…



I get a tad angry thinking about it.



Valentina Madison: They wanted me to apply to Princeton, I always wanted to go to Northwestern and they wouldn’t have that either. I applied to Princeton even though I really didn’t want to. However, something happened that they didn’t see coming. Princeton rejected me! Never before has rejection ever been a blessing in disguise. They finally relented and I applied for Northwestern, I got accepted, I succeeded there and truth be told Lupus, that was the first time I ever knew what it felt like to have something I wanted for me! And thus, once I realized how great that feeling was, I decided to chase that wrestling career. So I did. I trained hard, worked hard, broke in four months ago. It was a feeling of accomplishment, and it made me want more! I felt like I made it when I broke in as the sweet, innocent, naïve little baby I used to be. I felt like my parents were right when they said wishing and dreaming would bring you happiness. But then, what was my dream became my reality. I’ve evolved Lupus, I’ve adapted to my reality, and I’m set to THRIVE on it! I don’t see any adaptation or evolution on your end, thus, another thing that puts me at a higher tier than you.



You think these cuts on my cheeks (points to them) are just cuts? No Lupus, they’re a symbol of how deep I am willing to go to achieve what I want in wrestling and in life! Come Slam, you’ll be educated personally on what my real intentions are, because sitting here and talking can only do so much, I’ll have to prove it in that ring, and that’s what I’m going to do Sunday night. Lupus, you may be less condescending, less moronic and less of a hypocrite than most of our peers, but you still have ways to go. Slam, I’m going to prove how much higher up the ladder of wrestling I am than you. Heed this lesson Lupus, I’m Valentina Madison and I’m clearly smarter than you! I’m glad you challenged me intellectually, because tomorrow night’s victory will have a much deeper meaning. So I leave you with this… Lupus…



I scoff one last time.



Valentina Madison: Do you understand my pain now?