Post by Mr. Jack Happy on Dec 14, 2013 10:47:38 GMT -5
(Our scene fades in on darkness. Seems as if it's a defeated point doesn't it? No flamboyant entourage. No zany one liners right off the bat. Hell, there's not even a burrito platter to be seen. As a small, shaft of light emerges, it shines down on a very massive figure which is seated. We see a glimpse of dreadlocks and surmise that this could be....should be...perhaps even IS Jack Ha-well, you get the idea. He belongs here. He's part of the company. And, after a few moments of deliberate thought, Jack decides to speak.....)
"The past few weeks have been very emotional for me. I've had a chance to take things in and, even though I don't want my emotions to get the better of me, I think in the case of Jeffery as well as the fans of the WCF......I don't really have a problem letting them run free. And if those feelings hurt, if they make people stop and recoil from the pain then....good. Pain can be good. It lets you know that you're alive and able to feel."
"With that said, let me begin by addressing the fans, or should I say the TRUE fans that follow me. Over the past couple of weeks, I've had to make some very hard decisions and fight some very hard battles. The FICKLE fans of the WCF gave me a mixed reaction when I was victorious in a three way dance that featured the hardcore champion Logan. I was victorious against a WCF CHAMPION and what did the fans do? Did they erupt in joyous celebration? Did they chant my name? Did they get up out of their seats and dance? How about even raising a burrito and acknowledging my accomplishment that evening?
NO, NO, and HELL NO. That's what the FICKLE fans did. The TRUE fans, the ones that get pushed to the back much like myself, they knew though. They knew that I was just getting started. So you fickle buffoons can kiss the bulbous acreage known as my backside...from left to right just like I like it. I'll be addressing you again here before it all said and done. To those that really get where I'm coming from and have had my back since Day 1.....thank you."
"Now let's move on to my opponent at One, Jeffery Purse. Jeffers, you represent everything that is wrong with the business today and everything that I absolutely, unequivocably, undeniably HATE. You're a narrow-minded HYPOCRITE with a horribly misguided sense of entitlement. This all started when we both had a similar agenda and that was getting to Sarah Twilight. However, that bothered you Jeffery. Jeff, "The Good Guy," didn't like that fact at all oh no, no, no. Instead, of realizing a possible opportunity to work together for the common good, instead of endearing himself to an up and coming superstar, what did he do? He belittled my efforts and made them seem as if they didn't even matter! Of course, when you're Jeffery Purse no one else matters, but HIM. He's an established superstar in the WCF, he's got all these cookie-cutter, bleach blonde bimbo fans cheering him on and telling him exactly what he wants to hear. And if they don't? Meh, he'll just ignore them like anyone else that doesn't suit his tastes. It's only Jeffery's desires....it's ALL ABOUT JEFF!"
"Jeffery wants me to believe that no one takes me seriously. Funny, then, that he'd go out of his way to jump me FROM BEHIND and leave me a bloody mess. Gee, Jeffery, it seems you took me serious enough to go out of your way to do such a heinous act. What happened to 'Good Guy Jeff?' Oh wait. It's that entitlement thing again right? "Good Guy Jeff" can do things that good guys normally wouldn't do, but hey, he's a WCF Superstar and that makes it OK. He's entitled to do things normally associated with bad people. Yeah, makes sense to me. Jeff, for everything I've done to you, I didn't jump you from behind. Anytime I had an issue with you, guess what? I handled it face-to-face. You might not have liked that, but guess what? That's what a real man does. Hell, that's what a real clown does too! I didn't clown kick you from behind. I didn't bust you open and leave a note on you. Just like at One, I'm gonna get right up in your grill and fog up your program. Get used to it."
"Jeffery is nothing but contradictions and double-talk. First, he's going on about how he's got 10 more matches (and Indians) until he can get to Sarah. Wow. Wonder how he came up with that number? Did Sarah say, 'Jeff, I'll let you fight me or talk to me or whatever the hell you want AFTER you defeat 10 Indians....or wrestlers....or matches, I tell you what. You just make those rules up as you go. All I know is that I had a match and suddenly, Jeffery is getting scared. 'Whoa, you're not an Indian! You're not on my list. You're just a match that doesn't count towards Sarah. Yeah, that's the ticket!' Then you say that I 'could be' an Indian. You know what Jeff? To HELL with you and your damn Indians. In fact, as I recall, one of your own designated 'Indians' beat you so I guess that means you go to the back of the 'Sarah Twilight' line now dontcha? No? Ohhhh yeah....ENTITLEMENT!"
"My own personal regret was that I tried fighting you with a professional sense of respect. I figured, that's how a man should fight another man. Yet, with every move I performed, the disillusioned twits hated it. They hated seeing their 'good guy' in not so good of a light. Well, as I alluded to earlier, you fickle fans are in for a LOT of disappointment at One. Get used to it. Things are not as they would seem to be. Mr. Cookie Cutter does not get a free pass nor an easy match. Jeffery gets to fight for his very life against a Jack he's never seen before. You see, the past few weeks, I've gone down a very dark road in my mind. Unlike the fickle fans, my true followers understand that this is what has to be done. Just like I want to show Jeffery an ugly truth, I had to let the ugly that's been eating away at my insides OUT. You, and people like you created this monster Jeffery. It's time to feed the monster and I plan on devouring all your hopes, dreams, goals, accomplishments in one damn night."
"So let's review. Jeff, I'm fat. I'm a clown. I lift weights when I have food attached to them. I don't have a fancy house, or a fake, cosmetically enhanced girlfriend. I don't drive a fast car or have a Swiss bank account. Private plane? Nope. Rolex watch? Dream on. I haven't been in this business professionally wrestling for 20 years. Also, I don't have a lot of friends in the back, nor do any of the superstars want me to speak on their behalf much like you've attempted at doing when defending your position to the fans and to yourself. I'll never be popular, nothing I post will ever go viral, and the chances of me ever being in ANY professional wrestling hall of fame are zero. I never trained in a wrestling academy, a dungeon, or even David Bowie's Labyrinth. I don't have a tan, I've had several cavities, and my credit score is less than perfect. I guess I should just lie down in the middle of the ring and surrender to our very own Urban Cowboy."
(Jack snorts before replying...)
"What a fucking joke. Jeff, I may be a clown, but your misguided beliefs make me laugh. Don't take me serious, that's everything I could hope for and more. Jeff, come into that match at One and feel insulted that you should even have to be there. Feel infuriated that I'm taking you away from something else you'd rather be doing like straightening up your house or counting how many kernals of corn are on a cob. Whatever you do, don't smile, don't get elated, don't even chuckle. Stay in the proverbial dark, J.P. Be UNHAPPY Jeffery. I know I will."
(Evil laughter starts bubbling out from Jack's frame. It keeps on building louder and longer as our scene eerily fades out.)
"The past few weeks have been very emotional for me. I've had a chance to take things in and, even though I don't want my emotions to get the better of me, I think in the case of Jeffery as well as the fans of the WCF......I don't really have a problem letting them run free. And if those feelings hurt, if they make people stop and recoil from the pain then....good. Pain can be good. It lets you know that you're alive and able to feel."
"With that said, let me begin by addressing the fans, or should I say the TRUE fans that follow me. Over the past couple of weeks, I've had to make some very hard decisions and fight some very hard battles. The FICKLE fans of the WCF gave me a mixed reaction when I was victorious in a three way dance that featured the hardcore champion Logan. I was victorious against a WCF CHAMPION and what did the fans do? Did they erupt in joyous celebration? Did they chant my name? Did they get up out of their seats and dance? How about even raising a burrito and acknowledging my accomplishment that evening?
NO, NO, and HELL NO. That's what the FICKLE fans did. The TRUE fans, the ones that get pushed to the back much like myself, they knew though. They knew that I was just getting started. So you fickle buffoons can kiss the bulbous acreage known as my backside...from left to right just like I like it. I'll be addressing you again here before it all said and done. To those that really get where I'm coming from and have had my back since Day 1.....thank you."
"Now let's move on to my opponent at One, Jeffery Purse. Jeffers, you represent everything that is wrong with the business today and everything that I absolutely, unequivocably, undeniably HATE. You're a narrow-minded HYPOCRITE with a horribly misguided sense of entitlement. This all started when we both had a similar agenda and that was getting to Sarah Twilight. However, that bothered you Jeffery. Jeff, "The Good Guy," didn't like that fact at all oh no, no, no. Instead, of realizing a possible opportunity to work together for the common good, instead of endearing himself to an up and coming superstar, what did he do? He belittled my efforts and made them seem as if they didn't even matter! Of course, when you're Jeffery Purse no one else matters, but HIM. He's an established superstar in the WCF, he's got all these cookie-cutter, bleach blonde bimbo fans cheering him on and telling him exactly what he wants to hear. And if they don't? Meh, he'll just ignore them like anyone else that doesn't suit his tastes. It's only Jeffery's desires....it's ALL ABOUT JEFF!"
"Jeffery wants me to believe that no one takes me seriously. Funny, then, that he'd go out of his way to jump me FROM BEHIND and leave me a bloody mess. Gee, Jeffery, it seems you took me serious enough to go out of your way to do such a heinous act. What happened to 'Good Guy Jeff?' Oh wait. It's that entitlement thing again right? "Good Guy Jeff" can do things that good guys normally wouldn't do, but hey, he's a WCF Superstar and that makes it OK. He's entitled to do things normally associated with bad people. Yeah, makes sense to me. Jeff, for everything I've done to you, I didn't jump you from behind. Anytime I had an issue with you, guess what? I handled it face-to-face. You might not have liked that, but guess what? That's what a real man does. Hell, that's what a real clown does too! I didn't clown kick you from behind. I didn't bust you open and leave a note on you. Just like at One, I'm gonna get right up in your grill and fog up your program. Get used to it."
"Jeffery is nothing but contradictions and double-talk. First, he's going on about how he's got 10 more matches (and Indians) until he can get to Sarah. Wow. Wonder how he came up with that number? Did Sarah say, 'Jeff, I'll let you fight me or talk to me or whatever the hell you want AFTER you defeat 10 Indians....or wrestlers....or matches, I tell you what. You just make those rules up as you go. All I know is that I had a match and suddenly, Jeffery is getting scared. 'Whoa, you're not an Indian! You're not on my list. You're just a match that doesn't count towards Sarah. Yeah, that's the ticket!' Then you say that I 'could be' an Indian. You know what Jeff? To HELL with you and your damn Indians. In fact, as I recall, one of your own designated 'Indians' beat you so I guess that means you go to the back of the 'Sarah Twilight' line now dontcha? No? Ohhhh yeah....ENTITLEMENT!"
"My own personal regret was that I tried fighting you with a professional sense of respect. I figured, that's how a man should fight another man. Yet, with every move I performed, the disillusioned twits hated it. They hated seeing their 'good guy' in not so good of a light. Well, as I alluded to earlier, you fickle fans are in for a LOT of disappointment at One. Get used to it. Things are not as they would seem to be. Mr. Cookie Cutter does not get a free pass nor an easy match. Jeffery gets to fight for his very life against a Jack he's never seen before. You see, the past few weeks, I've gone down a very dark road in my mind. Unlike the fickle fans, my true followers understand that this is what has to be done. Just like I want to show Jeffery an ugly truth, I had to let the ugly that's been eating away at my insides OUT. You, and people like you created this monster Jeffery. It's time to feed the monster and I plan on devouring all your hopes, dreams, goals, accomplishments in one damn night."
"So let's review. Jeff, I'm fat. I'm a clown. I lift weights when I have food attached to them. I don't have a fancy house, or a fake, cosmetically enhanced girlfriend. I don't drive a fast car or have a Swiss bank account. Private plane? Nope. Rolex watch? Dream on. I haven't been in this business professionally wrestling for 20 years. Also, I don't have a lot of friends in the back, nor do any of the superstars want me to speak on their behalf much like you've attempted at doing when defending your position to the fans and to yourself. I'll never be popular, nothing I post will ever go viral, and the chances of me ever being in ANY professional wrestling hall of fame are zero. I never trained in a wrestling academy, a dungeon, or even David Bowie's Labyrinth. I don't have a tan, I've had several cavities, and my credit score is less than perfect. I guess I should just lie down in the middle of the ring and surrender to our very own Urban Cowboy."
(Jack snorts before replying...)
"What a fucking joke. Jeff, I may be a clown, but your misguided beliefs make me laugh. Don't take me serious, that's everything I could hope for and more. Jeff, come into that match at One and feel insulted that you should even have to be there. Feel infuriated that I'm taking you away from something else you'd rather be doing like straightening up your house or counting how many kernals of corn are on a cob. Whatever you do, don't smile, don't get elated, don't even chuckle. Stay in the proverbial dark, J.P. Be UNHAPPY Jeffery. I know I will."
(Evil laughter starts bubbling out from Jack's frame. It keeps on building louder and longer as our scene eerily fades out.)
