Post by Mr. Jack Happy on Dec 13, 2013 3:12:36 GMT -5
(Well, you know what time it is. NO! DO NOT say Hammer Time! Douchebags. It's time for another Jack Happy roleplay. Now, if you expect this to make any sense whatsoever.....pffffft.....I'll have whatever you're drinking (or smoking!). It's dysfunctional as hell so go play some Alvin and the Chipmunks records backwards while sucking down some Cheese Whiz. Might help enhance the whole experience!
Anywho.....
....the camera fades in on an upscale hospital. The words 'Las Vegas Memorial Hospital' briefly appear underneath. It's raining heavily outside and several thunderbolts dance across the sky ominously. What's that? What dance are they doing? You sarcastic fuckers. Going further inside, we find that the camera angle is from the patient-point-of-view. To the right of what we can only ASS-ume to be the WCF's beloved fatcake, Mr. Jack Happy, are Dr. Biggie Sethcock and Nurse Pookie. To his left are Lilsquirt and the WCF's very own Hank Brown. They all seem to be racing down a corridor, Happy in tow. Suddenly, they're joined by Michael Bolton. As if on cue, he starts singing, 'When I'm Back on My Feet Again.')
Hank: Dr. Sethcock....
Sethcock: Not now, Brownie. Can't you see we've got a clown that's coding!
Nurse Pookie: What kind of code is that?
Lilsquirt: Looks like C++ to me.
(All of them make it into the operating room. Yes, even Michael Bolton. Dr. Biggie Sethcock looks down at the camera and makes the face you'd expect your 89 year old grandma Ethel to make when her Freedent gum accidentally falls out of her mouth and into her glass of prune juice. He motions for Nurse Pookie to bring over a rather large, rolling, trunk locker. He then puts down his face guard, but instead of looking like something a doctor would use, it's just a costume Dynasty Duck beard (Psy style JACK!). He then puts on swimming goggles and a rubber cap as he continues....)
Sethcock: This...doesn't look good. Cue up the generic laugh tracks, Nurse. Good good. His dreadlocks are falling. Quick! I need the Milli Vanilli extensions STAT!
Hank: Dr Sethcock, it seems as....holy fuck, what the hell?
(We see Nurse Pookie reach down just off camera and emerge with a Mexican midget chef! His apron is covered in tomato sauce, guacamole, and shredded cheese.)
Lilsquirt: Chef Pepe!
Pepe: Holy frijole!
Sethcock: Nurse, we're gonna have to plug that hole you created from removing Chef Pepe with some of Carrot Top's props. And throw in any surviving Golden Girls while we're at it. Yes, even Betty White. JUST DO IT!
(Periwinkle liquid is spurting out all over the place. Several gobs hit Michael Bolton, but he doesn't stop singing...if that's what you want to call it.)
Sethcock: Nurse get those 8 tracks of the Village People and throw them in there! HURRY! This doesn't look good. His mask is coming undone. We need some cord that can handle this massive blood flow. I know! We're gonna need several pieces of string from Sarah Twilight's tampons.
Nurse Pookie: Which month and year?
Sethcock: September of '03.
Lilsquirt: Got it!
(All of them stop and look at Lilsquirt awkwardly. All except, Dr. Sethcock who just shrugs and takes the tampon strings with some pliers he had tucked away in his trousers.)
Sethcock: Damnit, we're losing him. Quick, someone tell him a joke to keep him with us.
Nurse Pookie: Jack, you're fighting Jeff Purse at One.
(All of them bust out laughing. Jack stirs a little.)
Lilsquirt: And he thinks he's going to win!
(Once more we get a few snickers from the group. Even Michael Bolton messes up when hears that.)
Hank Brown: Ooooh! Lemme try! Knock knock.
Sethcock: Who's there?
Hank Brown: Juggernaut.
Sethcock: Juggernaut wh-
Hank Brown: I'M THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(We then hear the heart monitor as it flatlines.)
Sethcock: Get out Hank!!!! GET OUT NOW!
Hank Brown: Aw, I'm never any good at telling jokes! Cripes.
Lilsquirt: Oh my gosh! His mask...it's....it's......
Sethcock: Nurse Pookie, try to keep it on his.....
Nurse Pookie: ....face.
(But it's too late. Dr. Sethcock and Lilsquirt reluctantly pull back, each holding a portion of his mask. Nurse Pookie looks down into the camera and lets out a blood curdling scream.)
Lilsquirt: Damn....he's....
Sethcock: Eh. Time to exercise the clause in his Laughing Will.
Nurse Pookie: Don't you mean his Living Will?
Sethcock: And that's why I'm the doctor. NO. Masked clowns have a LAUGHING WILL. And, in the event of a situation like this it says, well.....fuck it. Gimme those battery terminal ends.
(Taking the ends, Dr. Sethcock RAMS them into either side of Jack's neck, covers him with a sheet, and flips a switch. The hospital gurney begins to rise up towards the ceiling and then through it. Several pieces of ceiling fall, one of them connecting with Lilsquirt and the other one with Chef Pepe knocking both midgets out. Several jolts of lightning strike the gurney as Dr. Sethcock lowers it. Nurse Pookie looks on, horrified as she wet farts in fear.)
Sethcock: Well, I did what he wanted me to do. In case of absolute emergency, fry him with several thousand volts of electricity until he's burnt like a bad burrito. I did my job. Time to run. Golf course is a callin' mah name. Only a 69 handicap. Pretty damn impressive if I have to say so myself. Well, toodles!
(Dr. Sethcock skips off)
Nurse Pookie: Who says toodles anymore? And who skips? Mmmm.....I really could go for some burritos. I just hate how it goes to my hips. Oh well. I'll just have to Zumba for a few more hours. Teehee.
(And with that Nurse Pookie leaves. Several minutes later, we see the burnt husk on the gurney move. Shaking his head, he comes to screaming.)
Jack: Who the hell stuck me with battery terminals? And why am I all...and where is my.....and why are they? You know something. I'm not happy right now. Not in the least. At least I smell good.
(Jack then gets up and lets out a primordial scream as he walks out in Frankenstein-esque fashion. On his way out, he pimp slaps Michael Bolton so hard, Skittles fly out of his nose and he cries worse than Nancy Kerrigan could ever attempt to. But what about Jack? What is to become of him? Oooh, a mystery! DUNH DUNH DUNH!!!!!!!! Fade out. Now get outta here.)
Anywho.....
....the camera fades in on an upscale hospital. The words 'Las Vegas Memorial Hospital' briefly appear underneath. It's raining heavily outside and several thunderbolts dance across the sky ominously. What's that? What dance are they doing? You sarcastic fuckers. Going further inside, we find that the camera angle is from the patient-point-of-view. To the right of what we can only ASS-ume to be the WCF's beloved fatcake, Mr. Jack Happy, are Dr. Biggie Sethcock and Nurse Pookie. To his left are Lilsquirt and the WCF's very own Hank Brown. They all seem to be racing down a corridor, Happy in tow. Suddenly, they're joined by Michael Bolton. As if on cue, he starts singing, 'When I'm Back on My Feet Again.')
Hank: Dr. Sethcock....
Sethcock: Not now, Brownie. Can't you see we've got a clown that's coding!
Nurse Pookie: What kind of code is that?
Lilsquirt: Looks like C++ to me.
(All of them make it into the operating room. Yes, even Michael Bolton. Dr. Biggie Sethcock looks down at the camera and makes the face you'd expect your 89 year old grandma Ethel to make when her Freedent gum accidentally falls out of her mouth and into her glass of prune juice. He motions for Nurse Pookie to bring over a rather large, rolling, trunk locker. He then puts down his face guard, but instead of looking like something a doctor would use, it's just a costume Dynasty Duck beard (Psy style JACK!). He then puts on swimming goggles and a rubber cap as he continues....)
Sethcock: This...doesn't look good. Cue up the generic laugh tracks, Nurse. Good good. His dreadlocks are falling. Quick! I need the Milli Vanilli extensions STAT!
Hank: Dr Sethcock, it seems as....holy fuck, what the hell?
(We see Nurse Pookie reach down just off camera and emerge with a Mexican midget chef! His apron is covered in tomato sauce, guacamole, and shredded cheese.)
Lilsquirt: Chef Pepe!
Pepe: Holy frijole!
Sethcock: Nurse, we're gonna have to plug that hole you created from removing Chef Pepe with some of Carrot Top's props. And throw in any surviving Golden Girls while we're at it. Yes, even Betty White. JUST DO IT!
(Periwinkle liquid is spurting out all over the place. Several gobs hit Michael Bolton, but he doesn't stop singing...if that's what you want to call it.)
Sethcock: Nurse get those 8 tracks of the Village People and throw them in there! HURRY! This doesn't look good. His mask is coming undone. We need some cord that can handle this massive blood flow. I know! We're gonna need several pieces of string from Sarah Twilight's tampons.
Nurse Pookie: Which month and year?
Sethcock: September of '03.
Lilsquirt: Got it!
(All of them stop and look at Lilsquirt awkwardly. All except, Dr. Sethcock who just shrugs and takes the tampon strings with some pliers he had tucked away in his trousers.)
Sethcock: Damnit, we're losing him. Quick, someone tell him a joke to keep him with us.
Nurse Pookie: Jack, you're fighting Jeff Purse at One.
(All of them bust out laughing. Jack stirs a little.)
Lilsquirt: And he thinks he's going to win!
(Once more we get a few snickers from the group. Even Michael Bolton messes up when hears that.)
Hank Brown: Ooooh! Lemme try! Knock knock.
Sethcock: Who's there?
Hank Brown: Juggernaut.
Sethcock: Juggernaut wh-
Hank Brown: I'M THE JUGGERNAUT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(We then hear the heart monitor as it flatlines.)
Sethcock: Get out Hank!!!! GET OUT NOW!
Hank Brown: Aw, I'm never any good at telling jokes! Cripes.
Lilsquirt: Oh my gosh! His mask...it's....it's......
Sethcock: Nurse Pookie, try to keep it on his.....
Nurse Pookie: ....face.
(But it's too late. Dr. Sethcock and Lilsquirt reluctantly pull back, each holding a portion of his mask. Nurse Pookie looks down into the camera and lets out a blood curdling scream.)
Lilsquirt: Damn....he's....
Sethcock: Eh. Time to exercise the clause in his Laughing Will.
Nurse Pookie: Don't you mean his Living Will?
Sethcock: And that's why I'm the doctor. NO. Masked clowns have a LAUGHING WILL. And, in the event of a situation like this it says, well.....fuck it. Gimme those battery terminal ends.
(Taking the ends, Dr. Sethcock RAMS them into either side of Jack's neck, covers him with a sheet, and flips a switch. The hospital gurney begins to rise up towards the ceiling and then through it. Several pieces of ceiling fall, one of them connecting with Lilsquirt and the other one with Chef Pepe knocking both midgets out. Several jolts of lightning strike the gurney as Dr. Sethcock lowers it. Nurse Pookie looks on, horrified as she wet farts in fear.)
Sethcock: Well, I did what he wanted me to do. In case of absolute emergency, fry him with several thousand volts of electricity until he's burnt like a bad burrito. I did my job. Time to run. Golf course is a callin' mah name. Only a 69 handicap. Pretty damn impressive if I have to say so myself. Well, toodles!
(Dr. Sethcock skips off)
Nurse Pookie: Who says toodles anymore? And who skips? Mmmm.....I really could go for some burritos. I just hate how it goes to my hips. Oh well. I'll just have to Zumba for a few more hours. Teehee.
(And with that Nurse Pookie leaves. Several minutes later, we see the burnt husk on the gurney move. Shaking his head, he comes to screaming.)
Jack: Who the hell stuck me with battery terminals? And why am I all...and where is my.....and why are they? You know something. I'm not happy right now. Not in the least. At least I smell good.
(Jack then gets up and lets out a primordial scream as he walks out in Frankenstein-esque fashion. On his way out, he pimp slaps Michael Bolton so hard, Skittles fly out of his nose and he cries worse than Nancy Kerrigan could ever attempt to. But what about Jack? What is to become of him? Oooh, a mystery! DUNH DUNH DUNH!!!!!!!! Fade out. Now get outta here.)
