Post by Ryan Rhodes on Dec 8, 2013 15:59:59 GMT -5
It is roughly 4:20pm as two average high schoolers hang out after another day of school. The shades are drawn on the living room windows but sun pours through the sky light in the ceiling. The beams of light illuminate the hazy clouds of smoke wafting through the air as they pass a glass pipe between them. The stink of marijuana accompanies the smoke, filling the room with its skunky goodness. With each inhale, the teens eyes grow more bloodshot, and their minds become more foggy. The curly headed one gets up and heads to the kitchen in search of some snacks. He grabs a bag of chips and opens his laptop.
“Holy shit! Dude. Dave, you gotta see this!!” A young teenager yells to his friend across the room.
The teen looks up from his smart phone to his friend who’s sitting at the kitchen table of typical suburban home. Getting up from the couch he walks over and leans on the back of his friends chair, peering at the laptop that rests on the table. Youtube is queued up and his friend is about to hit play as he sees the title on the clip.
“Ryan Rhodes Rant?” He curiously asks his friend.
“Yeah it looks like he went off at the house show last night. I knew we shoulda went!” The teen clicks the play button and they both intently watch.
The arena lights dim as the beginning eeire notes of Korn’s 4U fill the arena. At the top of the entrance ramp green lights reflect in smoke thats flooded the stage as Ryan Rhodes appears out of the fog with his US title around his waist.
This shit right here is for you.
All your faces I can see;
You all think it's about me;
I'm about to break.
This is my fate.
Am I still damned to a life,
Of misery and hate?
You, you'll never know
What I'd do for you.
What you all,
Put Me through;
I do it for you.
I could (have),
Never (lived),
If it wasn't...
For you.
The opening shrill notes of Linkin Park’s faint ring out as Rhodes sprints to the ring. He climbs the corner ring posts and stands holding his belt high above his head. The music continues to boom through the arena as Rhodes thumps his chest with his fist and points to the crowd, trying to show them some love back.
I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everyone can see these scars
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe this is real
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I got
Rhodes jumps down and motions for a mic.
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
“Cut the music” Rhodes yells over the song.
“This better be good Mike, Ellen is on soon and I cant miss it.” They turn back to the computer and see Rhodes is now standing in the center of the ring.
“Ellen?! Dave come on man.” The curly headed kid shakes his head and turns back to the video.
As the music cuts out, the fans resounding cheers pulse through the crowd. Rhodes slings his belt over his shoulder and looks at it. His face is stoic as he brings the mic back up to his mouth. He looks tense in his jeans and a black t-shirt with a green old english D on it. He pulls the mic down to look at the crowd again, taking in the cheers of his fans.
“Some of you may not understand what I’m about to say and I just want you guys to know that by some of you, I’m not speaking to the fans that have come out to support us tonight. I’m speaking to everyone in the back. This means the newest rookie in this fed to Johnny Fly himself. From Sarah Twilight to Hank Brown, you all need to listen to what I’m about to say.”
The crowd cheers louder and Rhodes pauses for a few more seconds to gather his thoughts.
“Last night in my hotel room, I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t put my finger on it but then it hit me. There is a word that came to the front of my mind and it starts with the letter R. Its not rage, rape, revenge, regret, right, rot, reason, rust, rut, reign, rookie, revolution, Remus, rascal, retire, rude, rant, or rum. It was Retarded.”
“Are you allowed to say that in public anymore? Shouldnt he be saying like mentally handicapped?” Dave asks mike as the clip rolls on.
The fans unsure how to react wait for Rhodes next words.
“I was going to come down here and ever so eloquently deliver some type of speech but fuck it, this is the real deal, I’m not pulling any punches on this one. If you dont like me using the word retard, just leave because next to fuck, its probably going to be the most used word in the next few minutes. For the kids in attendance, I’m sorry for whats about to come out of my mouth but you’re going to have to grow up someday, why not today. So where do I begin?”
“Fuck and retard? He’s got my attention. Ellen can wait. Can we DVR that shit?” Mike shoots Dave a puzzled look wondering why he wants to DVR ellen.
Rhodes bites his lower lip as he looks down at the canvas of the ring. You can see the thoughts churning in his mind.
“Lets start with this. First off, I think its retarded if any of you think I’m not in control of any of my actions. From my first match to my last match, They’ve all went the way I’ve wanted them to, even the loses. Did I throw any matches? No, I just didn’t win them. Its pretty easy to get lost in the shuffle around here and if Fly and Orbit can eat god damn chicken wings during War, I can take a few multi man matches off. Was it because I was lazy or unprepared? No. I wanted to see how they would react. Nobody seemed to care when I won, what would they do if I lost? Besides, the list of Victims that I’ve beat, have a strange habit of not making it back to the ring for too many matches after I finish them. If you’re still trying to figure out why they call me Venom, realize that you wont have much in your tank after I’m done with you. The pain and punishment seeps into your body like a slow death. Maybe they just realize they can’t cut it anymore after they go toe to toe with me, that they just don’t have it in them anymore. Or maybe they realize that a new type of wrestler is here, an evolution of what it takes to be better, and they know that they’ll never quite stack up so they quit while they still can. Before they get turned into a blubbering bag of shit that can’t remember their own name because they took one too many beatings…”
“Dude he’s kinda right. What happened to Tek, John Barber, Steel Toe Joe, Havok? He pinned all those guys and they all barely wrestled two matches after that?” The stoned friend asks the other as he passes a freshly rolled joint back to his curly headed buddy sitting at the computer.
“... I like Mr. Jack Happy, He’s retarded in a good way, I’d have a plate of burritos with him anyday. Logan, well, what is there to say? He IS retarded in every sense of the word. It’s also retarded Chino was even in that match. Who the fuck is Chino? He sounds like the shady cousin of the guy who used to mow my lawn when I had one. He ran the nwa, and not the cool one with Dre, Yella, Cube, E, and Ren, he ran the retarded one thats produced the likes of most of the bums that have breezed through here since I’ve been around. Really looking forward to what the leader of that shit show can do!”
“NWA was the shit man. You think Easy E would be pissed that Ice Cube is on law and order?”
“Thats Ice T. Cube did friday. Vanilla is the White Ice.” Mike takes a rip of the j and passes it back to dave.
“Oh yeah man. My bad!” Dave says, exhaling a large cloud of smoke at the same time.
Both kids divert their attention back to the computer.
A sarcastic look crosses Rhodes face when he pauses to let his words sink in.
“Secondly, You’re retarded if you think I don’t have a plan. All along I’ve said I want to bring an evolution to the type of wrestler that competes inside these ropes and so far its working. What you retards need to realize is I’m not afraid to lose if it furthers my cause. 3 losses in a row?! Ryan Rhodes must be vulnerable! Again, if you think that, you’re-” Rhodes raises the mic to the crowd for a response.
“RETARDED!” They scream out.
“There was something nagging me in my mind maybe distracting me the last few weeks. Like my brain was on vacation, but something clicked before slam. I thought why not let it go, why not lose when it doesn't count, why not fully on my terms? Oh, but, Ryan, every match matters they tell you. Do they really? Will anybody remember the night Cormack and I lost to Chase Michaels and some retard from Minnesota? No. Will it matter that I lost fatal four way last week? No. Will it matter if I lose this week to Jorge Diaz or Cormack MacNeill? Yes…”
“Aw man Kilted Venom has to fight each other. That doesnt seem right.” Dave shakes his head at the thought of the two friends competing against each other.
“Yeah that would be like me versus you. No way Venom loses the title. He’s on a bit of losing streak but, damn it looks like that was his plan all along. Just baiting those guys into thinking he’s weak.” Mike dives into a bag of chips as he clicks the video to resume it.
“...You bet your sweet fucking ass it matters. If my title is on the line I’m going to defend it. Which brings me to my next point. I think its retarded that I have to face my only friend around here, Cormack, at Slam on Sunday. He’s the only person I don’t want to face in the ring. Give me anybody else in the back and I have no problem putting a hurting on them but put my friend across from me and thats a tough line to cross but I know he’ll understand, he’s far from retarded. At the end of the day this is business. When it comes to my business, I handle it. Its retarded too because Cormack deserves the title, he’s pushed me to get better everyday and I know he can hang with the best. He’s had some tough breaks and he’s had some great wins. I know any given Sunday he can dish it out as good as anyone else. Does that make me worried I could lose?
"
“NO! NO! NO! NO!” The crowd chants.
The two stoned friends are now raising their arms in unison with the crowd, staring at the screen baked as hell.
“You’d be fucking retarded to think that in my first actual title defense I’m not going to bring my A game. I’m going to give Cormack the match of his life. I’d like to think I’m a good friend but one thing I’m not the best at is sharing. There’s no way I’m letting anyone else get my title, friend or foe. I am going to make an example of the two men in the ring with me tonight. I’m going to put everybody on notice what its going to take to get my title from me. When are you fucking retards going to learn the the reality of the situation is, I am the one with this belt on my waist and I won it in the ring fair and square! I’ve taken on Champions and I’ve won and will continue to win.So bring that little dancing retard out here, he can come get some. Jorge, I just want you to know that you’re my favorite Jorge around here…”
“Jorge is one of my favorite wrestlers in wcf, that guy is funny and he’s got some nice moves” Dave finishes the joint and holds up his phone to show Mike his Jorge Diaz background.
“Is Jorge Diaz really your phone background bro?”Mike asks with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah dude, just you watch, he’s gonna be somebody in no time. As long as that hoe spring keeps away from him!” Daves eyes seem to light up from staring at his phone background.
“Sorry bro but Rhodes is going to murder that little Diaz punk. He’s funny and all but he’s not that great in the ring yet. He needs some work.”
“Yeah Diaz might look good shaking his ass in some sequined pants but he’s got no chance in this one!” Dave admits his new favorite wrestler still has some room to grow.
“…. and you will forever be the Jorge Champion in my book, but you will NEVER be the US Champion if I have anything to say about it. I dont know who’s more sparkly, you or that new Rayne fairy. Matter of fact you should send his bitch ass out here too, I’ll fuck him up as well. No homo, er do I mean homo? Fuck that who gives a shit about it anyways….”
Dave reaches over and pauses the video. Smoke seems to be coming out of his ears but not because he’s insanely high, he appears to be thinking very hard.
“Is Rayne a he she?”
“No dude he just likes boys and girls, what the fuck is wrong with you?! Are you retarded?”
“No man I just didnt know. Its retarded to argue over that stuff anyways. I bet all them wrestlers are a little gay, do you know how many dicks and assholes are in your face? Like a retarded amount!” Dave motions his hand like he’s stroking an imaginary dick in front of his face.
“There is something fuckin wrong with you!” Mike is now astonished with his friends line of thinking.
“I’m just really high man why are you judging me?” Dave stares straight ahead with his eyes are barely open.
“Really dude? You’re just setting that one up on a tee!”
“Mike I got something to tell you…”
“Dave its ok if you’re gay, its totally acceptable in 2013.”
“No dude we ran out of munchies!”
Dave gets up as Mike restarts the clip.
“Speaking of Retarded Newcomers that brings me to my last point.”
Rhodes pauses to let the crowd guess who he'll address next.
FUCK YOU REMUS! FUCK YOU REMUS! FUCK YOU REMUS! Roars from the crowd.
“Paging Doctor Retard. Doctor Retard!” Rhodes covers his mouth to make his voice sound like a pa system.
“Paging Doctor Faggot! Did you find anymore snacks yet?”The curly headed fuck mocks his questionably gay friend.
“I’m leaving I dont have to take this shit from you!” Dave gets upset and turns towards the door.
“Dude you’re hanging out with a guy alone, you’re not goin anywhere.” Mike goads his friend, knowing him all to well.
“Fuck you dave, but yeah youre right Im not, lets finish this video. Remus looks like a little bitch, like he’s from twilight or glee or something.”
“Twilight and Glee Dave??” Mike really has no doubts about dave anymore.
“Its not like it sounds man” Dave replies trying to find a way out of this one.
“Oh its exactly like it sounds”
“Eat a dick!”
“I bet you’d like that!”
“Remus, You’ve played right into my hand. Granted, I was trying to catch bigger fish than some 3rd world doctor. What backwater jungle witch doctor school did you get your degree at? Stanford, huh? What the fuck are you, Jesse Spano? Don’t you know what happened to her? She ended up as a stripper…”
“You see show girls Dave?” Mike asks wondering how this answer will turn out.
“Yeah, I kinda liked it good dancing and nice costumes!”
Mike slaps his head as his friend does nothing to help his cause.
“...You think manure in my locker really upset me? Remus, there’s a lot that you don’t know about me so let me give you some quick notes. As a youth I spent my summers on my uncles farm. Your childish prank actually made me laugh. I’ve seen more manure than you’ve seen pussy judging by the down right creepy shit you do. Also, the amount of points that separate me from an official member of mensa is the length of your dick in inches, two….”
“You really think Remus is sportin a two incher Mike? He seems like one of those dudes thats probably got an inverted penis or maybe an undescended testicle or two.” Dave appears to be deep in thought again.
“Fuckin A man, can you talk about anything other than dicks?” Mike has nearly lost it with his friends action by now.
“I’m just sayin. He seems like one of those demented fucks that never got over his abnormal penis problem.” Dave rubs his chin finishing his assumption.
“Well you’d be the expert on that subject apparently.” Mike holds up his thumb and pointer fingers, just millimeters apart.
“...If you think I’m where you want to start, you’ve made a huge miscalculation. I already know you’re a retard because mad scientists never win. If you think I’m gonna be the one in this ring covered in my own excrement, well thats just downright stupid. You’re nothing more than a creepy Dr. Evil that I’m going to leave crippled after I’m done with you. Save your litteral bullshit for someone else bro. If you’re a so called doctor, you don’t belong in the ring. You’re little social experiment is going to be over before it begins. If you’ve come here to examine an apex predator in his natural habitat, you’ve picked the right man but a retarded way to go about it. We could of been friends, we could have been great together because ultimately, I think we recognize the natural order of things around here and in life. We each believe in the evolution of man as a species. I’m glad you’ll be sitting ringside for my match because after you witness what I’m going to do to a friend, its really going to leave you wondering how I treat my enemies, because you sir, are far from a friend. So enjoy the view, all the studying in the world isn't going to save a retard like you from a man like me. When you see what I’m going to do to Cormack and Jorge, you’ll be faced with the reality of the retarded choice you made to face me. It would take the strength of 1,000 retards to stop me on sunday. I will be ready and I’ll be at the top of my game. I want to apologize to Cormack for the retarded things I may do to him at Slam and, Jorge, I want to apologize in advance in case I turn you into a retard from smacking your ass around the ring Sunday.”
“Hell Fuckin Yeah Man I’m pumped for Slam on Sunday! This should be a sweet match, Rhodes is going to be fired up, I’d hate to be in his way right now!” Mike sets a reminder in his phone to tune into Slam sunday night.
“So if you’re offended by the amount of times I’ve said retard or fuck take a second to realize they’re just words and come Sunday and come One, I’m going to make them reality. Ryan Rhodes may break your bones, but words will never hurt you!”
“Fuck you!”Rhodes points to a fan with a Remus sign.
“Fuck you!”Rhodes now points up at the old timey oil painted hung just above the WCF Jumbotron, depicting Sarah Twilight sitting all prim and proper infront a bookcase.
“When did that pic get there? She kinda looks like Sadaam Hussein!” Mike scratches his head trying to recall the dictatorship like painting in the past.
“You’re Cool!”Rhodes motions to the fans who cheer loudly from their US Champion.
“I’m out. If anybody wants to get fuckin retarded, I’ll be at the bar across the street after the show. Drinks are on me!” Rhodes drops the mic in the ring and steps through the ropes. He holds up the US Championship before walking down the steel steps and back up the ramp with his title on his shoulder. With his head held high, he disappears behind the curtain.
“Holy shit bro, I wouldnt bet againts Rhodes this week.” Mike looks shocked as they finish the video.
“Me either. I’m almost too pumped up for Ellen now, lets smoke another j!”Dave pulls out another joint and lights it up to fill the room with that sweet smoke yet again.
“Holy shit! Dude. Dave, you gotta see this!!” A young teenager yells to his friend across the room.
The teen looks up from his smart phone to his friend who’s sitting at the kitchen table of typical suburban home. Getting up from the couch he walks over and leans on the back of his friends chair, peering at the laptop that rests on the table. Youtube is queued up and his friend is about to hit play as he sees the title on the clip.
“Ryan Rhodes Rant?” He curiously asks his friend.
“Yeah it looks like he went off at the house show last night. I knew we shoulda went!” The teen clicks the play button and they both intently watch.
The arena lights dim as the beginning eeire notes of Korn’s 4U fill the arena. At the top of the entrance ramp green lights reflect in smoke thats flooded the stage as Ryan Rhodes appears out of the fog with his US title around his waist.
This shit right here is for you.
All your faces I can see;
You all think it's about me;
I'm about to break.
This is my fate.
Am I still damned to a life,
Of misery and hate?
You, you'll never know
What I'd do for you.
What you all,
Put Me through;
I do it for you.
I could (have),
Never (lived),
If it wasn't...
For you.
The opening shrill notes of Linkin Park’s faint ring out as Rhodes sprints to the ring. He climbs the corner ring posts and stands holding his belt high above his head. The music continues to boom through the arena as Rhodes thumps his chest with his fist and points to the crowd, trying to show them some love back.
I am a little bit of loneliness a little bit of disregard
Handful of complaints but I can’t help the fact that everyone can see these scars
I am what I want you to want what I want you to feel
But it's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, to just believe this is real
So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do
Face away and pretend that I'm not
But I'll be here 'cause you're all that I got
Rhodes jumps down and motions for a mic.
I can't feel the way I did before
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
Time won't heal this damage anymore
Don't turn your back on me
I won't be ignored
“Cut the music” Rhodes yells over the song.
“This better be good Mike, Ellen is on soon and I cant miss it.” They turn back to the computer and see Rhodes is now standing in the center of the ring.
“Ellen?! Dave come on man.” The curly headed kid shakes his head and turns back to the video.
As the music cuts out, the fans resounding cheers pulse through the crowd. Rhodes slings his belt over his shoulder and looks at it. His face is stoic as he brings the mic back up to his mouth. He looks tense in his jeans and a black t-shirt with a green old english D on it. He pulls the mic down to look at the crowd again, taking in the cheers of his fans.
“Some of you may not understand what I’m about to say and I just want you guys to know that by some of you, I’m not speaking to the fans that have come out to support us tonight. I’m speaking to everyone in the back. This means the newest rookie in this fed to Johnny Fly himself. From Sarah Twilight to Hank Brown, you all need to listen to what I’m about to say.”
The crowd cheers louder and Rhodes pauses for a few more seconds to gather his thoughts.
“Last night in my hotel room, I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t put my finger on it but then it hit me. There is a word that came to the front of my mind and it starts with the letter R. Its not rage, rape, revenge, regret, right, rot, reason, rust, rut, reign, rookie, revolution, Remus, rascal, retire, rude, rant, or rum. It was Retarded.”
“Are you allowed to say that in public anymore? Shouldnt he be saying like mentally handicapped?” Dave asks mike as the clip rolls on.
The fans unsure how to react wait for Rhodes next words.
“I was going to come down here and ever so eloquently deliver some type of speech but fuck it, this is the real deal, I’m not pulling any punches on this one. If you dont like me using the word retard, just leave because next to fuck, its probably going to be the most used word in the next few minutes. For the kids in attendance, I’m sorry for whats about to come out of my mouth but you’re going to have to grow up someday, why not today. So where do I begin?”
“Fuck and retard? He’s got my attention. Ellen can wait. Can we DVR that shit?” Mike shoots Dave a puzzled look wondering why he wants to DVR ellen.
Rhodes bites his lower lip as he looks down at the canvas of the ring. You can see the thoughts churning in his mind.
“Lets start with this. First off, I think its retarded if any of you think I’m not in control of any of my actions. From my first match to my last match, They’ve all went the way I’ve wanted them to, even the loses. Did I throw any matches? No, I just didn’t win them. Its pretty easy to get lost in the shuffle around here and if Fly and Orbit can eat god damn chicken wings during War, I can take a few multi man matches off. Was it because I was lazy or unprepared? No. I wanted to see how they would react. Nobody seemed to care when I won, what would they do if I lost? Besides, the list of Victims that I’ve beat, have a strange habit of not making it back to the ring for too many matches after I finish them. If you’re still trying to figure out why they call me Venom, realize that you wont have much in your tank after I’m done with you. The pain and punishment seeps into your body like a slow death. Maybe they just realize they can’t cut it anymore after they go toe to toe with me, that they just don’t have it in them anymore. Or maybe they realize that a new type of wrestler is here, an evolution of what it takes to be better, and they know that they’ll never quite stack up so they quit while they still can. Before they get turned into a blubbering bag of shit that can’t remember their own name because they took one too many beatings…”
“Dude he’s kinda right. What happened to Tek, John Barber, Steel Toe Joe, Havok? He pinned all those guys and they all barely wrestled two matches after that?” The stoned friend asks the other as he passes a freshly rolled joint back to his curly headed buddy sitting at the computer.
“... I like Mr. Jack Happy, He’s retarded in a good way, I’d have a plate of burritos with him anyday. Logan, well, what is there to say? He IS retarded in every sense of the word. It’s also retarded Chino was even in that match. Who the fuck is Chino? He sounds like the shady cousin of the guy who used to mow my lawn when I had one. He ran the nwa, and not the cool one with Dre, Yella, Cube, E, and Ren, he ran the retarded one thats produced the likes of most of the bums that have breezed through here since I’ve been around. Really looking forward to what the leader of that shit show can do!”
“NWA was the shit man. You think Easy E would be pissed that Ice Cube is on law and order?”
“Thats Ice T. Cube did friday. Vanilla is the White Ice.” Mike takes a rip of the j and passes it back to dave.
“Oh yeah man. My bad!” Dave says, exhaling a large cloud of smoke at the same time.
Both kids divert their attention back to the computer.
A sarcastic look crosses Rhodes face when he pauses to let his words sink in.
“Secondly, You’re retarded if you think I don’t have a plan. All along I’ve said I want to bring an evolution to the type of wrestler that competes inside these ropes and so far its working. What you retards need to realize is I’m not afraid to lose if it furthers my cause. 3 losses in a row?! Ryan Rhodes must be vulnerable! Again, if you think that, you’re-” Rhodes raises the mic to the crowd for a response.
“RETARDED!” They scream out.
“There was something nagging me in my mind maybe distracting me the last few weeks. Like my brain was on vacation, but something clicked before slam. I thought why not let it go, why not lose when it doesn't count, why not fully on my terms? Oh, but, Ryan, every match matters they tell you. Do they really? Will anybody remember the night Cormack and I lost to Chase Michaels and some retard from Minnesota? No. Will it matter that I lost fatal four way last week? No. Will it matter if I lose this week to Jorge Diaz or Cormack MacNeill? Yes…”
“Aw man Kilted Venom has to fight each other. That doesnt seem right.” Dave shakes his head at the thought of the two friends competing against each other.
“Yeah that would be like me versus you. No way Venom loses the title. He’s on a bit of losing streak but, damn it looks like that was his plan all along. Just baiting those guys into thinking he’s weak.” Mike dives into a bag of chips as he clicks the video to resume it.
“...You bet your sweet fucking ass it matters. If my title is on the line I’m going to defend it. Which brings me to my next point. I think its retarded that I have to face my only friend around here, Cormack, at Slam on Sunday. He’s the only person I don’t want to face in the ring. Give me anybody else in the back and I have no problem putting a hurting on them but put my friend across from me and thats a tough line to cross but I know he’ll understand, he’s far from retarded. At the end of the day this is business. When it comes to my business, I handle it. Its retarded too because Cormack deserves the title, he’s pushed me to get better everyday and I know he can hang with the best. He’s had some tough breaks and he’s had some great wins. I know any given Sunday he can dish it out as good as anyone else. Does that make me worried I could lose?
"
“NO! NO! NO! NO!” The crowd chants.
The two stoned friends are now raising their arms in unison with the crowd, staring at the screen baked as hell.
“You’d be fucking retarded to think that in my first actual title defense I’m not going to bring my A game. I’m going to give Cormack the match of his life. I’d like to think I’m a good friend but one thing I’m not the best at is sharing. There’s no way I’m letting anyone else get my title, friend or foe. I am going to make an example of the two men in the ring with me tonight. I’m going to put everybody on notice what its going to take to get my title from me. When are you fucking retards going to learn the the reality of the situation is, I am the one with this belt on my waist and I won it in the ring fair and square! I’ve taken on Champions and I’ve won and will continue to win.So bring that little dancing retard out here, he can come get some. Jorge, I just want you to know that you’re my favorite Jorge around here…”
“Jorge is one of my favorite wrestlers in wcf, that guy is funny and he’s got some nice moves” Dave finishes the joint and holds up his phone to show Mike his Jorge Diaz background.
“Is Jorge Diaz really your phone background bro?”Mike asks with a raised eyebrow.
“Yeah dude, just you watch, he’s gonna be somebody in no time. As long as that hoe spring keeps away from him!” Daves eyes seem to light up from staring at his phone background.
“Sorry bro but Rhodes is going to murder that little Diaz punk. He’s funny and all but he’s not that great in the ring yet. He needs some work.”
“Yeah Diaz might look good shaking his ass in some sequined pants but he’s got no chance in this one!” Dave admits his new favorite wrestler still has some room to grow.
“…. and you will forever be the Jorge Champion in my book, but you will NEVER be the US Champion if I have anything to say about it. I dont know who’s more sparkly, you or that new Rayne fairy. Matter of fact you should send his bitch ass out here too, I’ll fuck him up as well. No homo, er do I mean homo? Fuck that who gives a shit about it anyways….”
Dave reaches over and pauses the video. Smoke seems to be coming out of his ears but not because he’s insanely high, he appears to be thinking very hard.
“Is Rayne a he she?”
“No dude he just likes boys and girls, what the fuck is wrong with you?! Are you retarded?”
“No man I just didnt know. Its retarded to argue over that stuff anyways. I bet all them wrestlers are a little gay, do you know how many dicks and assholes are in your face? Like a retarded amount!” Dave motions his hand like he’s stroking an imaginary dick in front of his face.
“There is something fuckin wrong with you!” Mike is now astonished with his friends line of thinking.
“I’m just really high man why are you judging me?” Dave stares straight ahead with his eyes are barely open.
“Really dude? You’re just setting that one up on a tee!”
“Mike I got something to tell you…”
“Dave its ok if you’re gay, its totally acceptable in 2013.”
“No dude we ran out of munchies!”
Dave gets up as Mike restarts the clip.
“Speaking of Retarded Newcomers that brings me to my last point.”
Rhodes pauses to let the crowd guess who he'll address next.
FUCK YOU REMUS! FUCK YOU REMUS! FUCK YOU REMUS! Roars from the crowd.
“Paging Doctor Retard. Doctor Retard!” Rhodes covers his mouth to make his voice sound like a pa system.
“Paging Doctor Faggot! Did you find anymore snacks yet?”The curly headed fuck mocks his questionably gay friend.
“I’m leaving I dont have to take this shit from you!” Dave gets upset and turns towards the door.
“Dude you’re hanging out with a guy alone, you’re not goin anywhere.” Mike goads his friend, knowing him all to well.
“Fuck you dave, but yeah youre right Im not, lets finish this video. Remus looks like a little bitch, like he’s from twilight or glee or something.”
“Twilight and Glee Dave??” Mike really has no doubts about dave anymore.
“Its not like it sounds man” Dave replies trying to find a way out of this one.
“Oh its exactly like it sounds”
“Eat a dick!”
“I bet you’d like that!”
“Remus, You’ve played right into my hand. Granted, I was trying to catch bigger fish than some 3rd world doctor. What backwater jungle witch doctor school did you get your degree at? Stanford, huh? What the fuck are you, Jesse Spano? Don’t you know what happened to her? She ended up as a stripper…”
“You see show girls Dave?” Mike asks wondering how this answer will turn out.
“Yeah, I kinda liked it good dancing and nice costumes!”
Mike slaps his head as his friend does nothing to help his cause.
“...You think manure in my locker really upset me? Remus, there’s a lot that you don’t know about me so let me give you some quick notes. As a youth I spent my summers on my uncles farm. Your childish prank actually made me laugh. I’ve seen more manure than you’ve seen pussy judging by the down right creepy shit you do. Also, the amount of points that separate me from an official member of mensa is the length of your dick in inches, two….”
“You really think Remus is sportin a two incher Mike? He seems like one of those dudes thats probably got an inverted penis or maybe an undescended testicle or two.” Dave appears to be deep in thought again.
“Fuckin A man, can you talk about anything other than dicks?” Mike has nearly lost it with his friends action by now.
“I’m just sayin. He seems like one of those demented fucks that never got over his abnormal penis problem.” Dave rubs his chin finishing his assumption.
“Well you’d be the expert on that subject apparently.” Mike holds up his thumb and pointer fingers, just millimeters apart.
“...If you think I’m where you want to start, you’ve made a huge miscalculation. I already know you’re a retard because mad scientists never win. If you think I’m gonna be the one in this ring covered in my own excrement, well thats just downright stupid. You’re nothing more than a creepy Dr. Evil that I’m going to leave crippled after I’m done with you. Save your litteral bullshit for someone else bro. If you’re a so called doctor, you don’t belong in the ring. You’re little social experiment is going to be over before it begins. If you’ve come here to examine an apex predator in his natural habitat, you’ve picked the right man but a retarded way to go about it. We could of been friends, we could have been great together because ultimately, I think we recognize the natural order of things around here and in life. We each believe in the evolution of man as a species. I’m glad you’ll be sitting ringside for my match because after you witness what I’m going to do to a friend, its really going to leave you wondering how I treat my enemies, because you sir, are far from a friend. So enjoy the view, all the studying in the world isn't going to save a retard like you from a man like me. When you see what I’m going to do to Cormack and Jorge, you’ll be faced with the reality of the retarded choice you made to face me. It would take the strength of 1,000 retards to stop me on sunday. I will be ready and I’ll be at the top of my game. I want to apologize to Cormack for the retarded things I may do to him at Slam and, Jorge, I want to apologize in advance in case I turn you into a retard from smacking your ass around the ring Sunday.”
“Hell Fuckin Yeah Man I’m pumped for Slam on Sunday! This should be a sweet match, Rhodes is going to be fired up, I’d hate to be in his way right now!” Mike sets a reminder in his phone to tune into Slam sunday night.
“So if you’re offended by the amount of times I’ve said retard or fuck take a second to realize they’re just words and come Sunday and come One, I’m going to make them reality. Ryan Rhodes may break your bones, but words will never hurt you!”
“Fuck you!”Rhodes points to a fan with a Remus sign.
“Fuck you!”Rhodes now points up at the old timey oil painted hung just above the WCF Jumbotron, depicting Sarah Twilight sitting all prim and proper infront a bookcase.
“When did that pic get there? She kinda looks like Sadaam Hussein!” Mike scratches his head trying to recall the dictatorship like painting in the past.
“You’re Cool!”Rhodes motions to the fans who cheer loudly from their US Champion.
“I’m out. If anybody wants to get fuckin retarded, I’ll be at the bar across the street after the show. Drinks are on me!” Rhodes drops the mic in the ring and steps through the ropes. He holds up the US Championship before walking down the steel steps and back up the ramp with his title on his shoulder. With his head held high, he disappears behind the curtain.
“Holy shit bro, I wouldnt bet againts Rhodes this week.” Mike looks shocked as they finish the video.
“Me either. I’m almost too pumped up for Ellen now, lets smoke another j!”Dave pulls out another joint and lights it up to fill the room with that sweet smoke yet again.
