WCF Round Up Episode #1 (December 1st Slam)
Dec 5, 2013 20:35:19 GMT -5
Logan, Tim, and 6 more like this
Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2013 20:35:19 GMT -5
*”Down” by Stone Temple Pilots plays over clips of wrestlers performing or posing at recent Slams or Pay Per Views. Come up with one for your character. It’s fun, and it spares me the effort. The show’s title card appears. Then the scene switches to a man in a sports jacket over a tee shirt advertising “One” standing in front of a green screen.*
Man: Welcome to the inaugural episode of “WCF Round-Up”. I’m your host, Bryan Worthy. We’ve got a big show tonight, so let’s get right to it. We’re going to start by reviewing the events of the December 1 episode of Slam, filmed live at a packed American Bank Center in Corpus Christi, Texas. And the superstars of the Wrestling Championship Federation did not disappoint.
*A graphic reading “Eric Price Trashes Elite Title” appears on the green screen, along with a still shot of Price holding the title belt over a trash can*
BW: Slam started with a surprise appearance of the Moneyed Master of Mayhem himself: Eric Price. Mister Price entered the ring displaying the WCF Elite Title, a prize that had been stripped from him by the current company director, Sarah Twilight. But Eric had a dramatic response planned for his frequent nemesis. He said that Miss Twilight’s edict had made the Elite Championship effectively worthless, and as such there was only one place to put it.
*cue clip of Price dropping the title into the garbage to huge applause*
BW: It is interesting to note that as of taping this episode of “WCF: Roundup”, we have not gotten an official response from Sarah Twilight to this act of defiance. Nor are we aware of whom, if anyone, is in possession of the Elite Title. Even more strangely, the advertised wedding of Eric Price to Rachel Twilight, Sarah’s sister, was mysteriously dropped from the show. There are plenty of unanswered questions regarding this conflict, but be sure, WCF Universe, we are searching to find the answers.
*A new graphic labelled “Career Versus Cabal” is shown, as well as menacing photos of Donald Deruty and Waylon Cash.*
BW: Another metaphorical gauntlet was thrown down in the ring Sunday night. Former five time United States Champion Donald Deruty issued a challenge to Waylon Cash:
*The clip of D-Day suggesting a match at “One” between the two of them, with the stipulation being if he wins, S-PAC must disband.*
BW: The Hellbilly, no doubt representing the entire Savage Political Action Committee, soon appeared, and proposed a counter offer.
*Waylon’s reply: he’ll do it, but the match has to be a Hardcore Hell match and Deruty has to retire from wrestling if he loses. D-Day accepts.*
BW: And there we go! WCF’s American Hero has put his career on the line for the chance to remove the company of its last, lingering stable. This long standing blood feud between Waylon Cash and Donald Deruty comes to an end at “One”, and the stakes cannot be higher. I predict the outcome of this match will have the inhabitants of the WCF Universe talking for years to come.
*The graphic reads “Say it Ain’t So, Bio!” in front of a backdrop of Biohazard looming over a fallen Tyler Walker.*
BW: Next up, tag team action between two fan favorites: The Eighth Wonder against Team BioWalker. This was an entertaining match up, and it is safe to say it exceeded everyone’s expectations. The Eighth Wonder was able to come away with a surprise victory, but there was a bigger shock after the match.
*There is a slow motion clip of BioHazard spewing ooze into Tyler Walker’s face, dropping him like a bad habit. We see the stunned reaction of the crowd, including a gif-worthy shot of the crying little girl.*
BW: Why did you do it, Biohazard? Why did you turn on your life partner, your soul mate? Tyler Walker has always stood by you, despite your constant toxic suppurations. How could you betray him? The fans deserve an answer.
*The title card “Buzz Cuts” appears.*
BW: While on the subject of answers, it’s now time to introduce a special segment of WCF Round Up. The Wrestling Championship Federation is filled with a multitude of personalities, each with their unique point of view. That’s why we thought it was vital to get on record the opinions of these diverse individuals on topics important to the company and its fans. Each week I pose a question to the WCF roster and give them carte blanche in how they answer, totally unfiltered, and totally real. Our first topic: What is your opinion on WCF's policy of making every match No Disqualification?
*We get clips of the wrestlers being asked the question, and them giving their replies.*
Bobby Cairo:
Twilight's no-disqualification policy typifies the lawlessness and utter disregard for worker safety that has defined her regime. Look at my match with Oblivion at the Mystery Slam in Denver, Colorado: I was forced to nearly kill that man, a man whom I regard in the highest esteem, just because Twilight gets that tingling sensation in her unsupple poon every time a WCF employee gets busted open, beat down, ransacked, murked out, concussed and otherwise incapacitated. Why? What's the point? Who benefits? We, the workers, who fill the arenas week in and week out? I certainly haven't seen any Yankee dollars added to my bottom line since Twilight seized control of WCF from the wayward dandy Eric Price. All of those golden doubloons that the WCF Universe plunks down to attend live shows, purchase merchandise and order pay-per-views are wired directly into Sarah Twilight's slush fund. FACT. We, the workers, sacrifice our bodies while Sarah Twilight masturbates herself with diamond and ruby encrusted shower heads. It's a sick game. A sick, SICK game.
Chase Michaels:
*Michaels smirks.*
Chase: How do I feel about no DQ stip on every match? Doesn't bother me in the slightest to be honest, I don't need weapons or outside help to beat my opponent but if I feel like the match needs me to beat my opponent with a weapon then I guess I can do that. You should probably be asking my opponents how they feel as they're going to be the ones getting the beating!
*A sinister smile appears on Michaels face as he walks away with Red following behind him.*
Lilith:
I think it's great. It means that I can do what I want, when I want... and I won't get into trouble! I mean I could literally go to the ring with a gun and shoot someone! What do you mean I can't do that?! There's no rules! NO RULES!
Makayla Cooper:
I believe its just a lazy tactic by Sarah the Tyrant to allow her 'people' to do whatever they want and get away with it.
Jeff Purse:
I don't know, I suppose its ok. I like the fact that the matches can become intense quickly and its all legal. But I think it tarnishes things, and makes people not have to try as hard. Shoot, I am losing, I am going to bash this dude with a chair a couple times. I think it makes superstars lazy and it takes away from the excitment you get from a really good match, you know? Anyway, thats my two cents. Oh, also, people need to learn how to put the stuff under the ring in a nice, orderly fashion. If we are going to be able to go under there whenever we feel, there needs to be some type of order to that shit. Instead of just thrown about all willy nilly.
*The interviews end, and we’re back to the WCF set.*
BW: I want to thank those WCF superstars willing to express their thoughts on this topic. In this day and age of the corporate athlete, it’s rare to see sports figures give an opinion on anything, especially when it might be controversial. Nicely done.
*”Meet Steele Mathews” is the graphic. Steele Mathews, not surprisingly, is the picture.*
BW: The NWA Migration continues, as the WCF is formally introduced to the Punk Drunk Hunk known as Steele Mathews. Mathews showed he was deft on the mic by interviewing recent hire Jason Weslow, on his very own talk show “Too Drunk to Chat.” Though his seemingly silver tongue should not come as a surprise, since it appears he is romantically involved with WCF’s most eligible bachelorette, Mikayla “Mack” Cooper, who coincidentally happens to be Jason Weslow’s tag team partner.
*We see a clip of Mikayla in action. Such thick, sexy thighs. Hubba hubba.*
BW: It’s really hard to decide which man is luckier: “The Final Frontier” for tagging with Mack or Mathews for dating her. What is not in doubt is that all three of these competitors have bright futures here in the Wrestling Championship Federation.
*”Fatal Four Way” is the next title. We see images of Original Gangster, Mod Deuce, Caleb Fourchon, and Gabriel Mephisto III.*
BW: Slam’s second match was a classic Fatal Four Way. A quartet of WCF newcomers competed for bragging rights and the winner’s share of the purse.
*Clips of the match, including the ending where Caleb Fourchon makes Gabe Mephisto III tap.*
BW: It was a back and forth affair that any man could have won, but in the end “The Cajun Crippler” scored the victory. Special mention has to go to both Mod Deuce and the Original Gangster, who showed real promise. Fans of “big men” in pro-wrestling have a lot to look forward too, with talented giants like these on the roster.
*The graphic reads “Beauty and the Bully” with pictures of both Makayla Cooper and George in full figure (with headshots of Kevin and Jason Weslow in the background behind their respective tag team partners).*
BW: The fans at the American Bank Center were treated to what may have been one of the most surreal matches in ages, when the team of Makayla Cooper and Jason Weslow faced off against the Nerdsmashers. Those of you who follow the WCF on Twitter know that Nerdsmasher George! is quite smitten with Makayla, an affection he demonstrated vividly during the match. Just watch.
*We see clips of the match, highlighting on George! down on one knee and proposing to Makayla, Makayla kicking George!, George! planting a big wet one on Makayla, and Makayla pinning George!. *
BW: Mack got some additional redemption for George’s! unwanted advances after the match when she, Chelsea Black Armstrong, and Stacey Robinson, in their words, ‘debitchified’, the Nerdsmashers.
*We see Kevin and George! get paper-bagged by the three women.*
BW: Will this act of humiliation be enough to convince WCF’s favorite misanthropes of the errors of their ways? As a journalist I try not to make predictions, but based on this next segment, I highly doubt it.
*The WCF Round Up Set fades and is replaced by a title card reading “Nerd of the Week!”*
Kevin and George! are pumping some major iron. They look up and see the camera is on them. George gets up.
George!: Hi, I am George.
Kevin: And I am Kevin.
George and Kevin together: AND THIS IS NERD OF THE WEEK!!!
George!: Lots of Nerds to choose from this week Kev.
Kevin: Yes, lots of them indeed.
Geroge!: Our last Nerd of the Week was Torture. Remember Kev?
Kevin: Yeah, he was such a NERD that week.
George!: Hell yeah. But lets take a look at this week. Lots of contenders. Who is our first runner up, Kev?
Kevin: The first NERD of the week runner up is Jason Weslow. Not only is he the unlucky one who had to face George and me, but he was teamed with George's boo, Cooper.
George!: Yeah, and he didn't even appreciate it like he should. Instead of being all like "Yo Cooper, let me smack dat fine ass" he was like "Makayla, make good choices because good choices always warrent good results" like a NERD!
Kevin: Yeah, he thinks he is some old Chinese kung fu master giving out life lessons. Like Yoda. What a Nerd. Who is the second runner up, George!
George!: Second runner up, Kevin, is that NERD Matthew Robinson. He was in a match with three girls and him, and he didn't even once try to cop a feel.
Kevin: What a NERD! Even I tried to cop a feel on Cooper, sorry George.
George!: You did WHAT?
Kevin: What? She has a fine ass and nice boobies.
George!: Yeah she does. Its alright, I would expect you too, cause you aren't a NERD.
They high five.
George!: But, neither of those two compare to our NERD OF THE WEEK!
Kevin: NERD OF THE WEEK!
George!: KEVIN! Thats supposed to be at the same time.
Kevin: Sorry bro. Anyway, our NERD of the week, is actually two people.
George!: Thats right, but they walk around as one entity.
Kevin: Yeah. They are, the DREAM TEAM-JONNY FLY AND STEVE ORBIT!
George!: I mean, just the NERDiest showing I have ever seen on a wrestling show EVER!
Kevin: They walk out and anounce how they are better then every team, even though they have never faced me and George.
George!: Yeah, cause if they did we would SMASH those NERDS!
Kevin: YEAH!
Chest bump.
George!: But they even say they are better then S-PAC, and what happens? The NERDS lose to S-PAC.
Kevin: WHAT NERDS!!!
GEORGE!: YEAH THEY SUCK! NERDS
Kevin: Anyway, thats all we have time for. Time to pump more iron.
George!: YEAH!!!!
Scene fades out.
*Commercial time. Then, when we come back, ”Internet Title Contendership Match” is the title, and we see dramatically posed photos of all three participants: Doc Henry, Jorge Diaz, and Marco Valintine.*
BW: We now know who will challenge Internet Champion Zombie McMorris at “One”! Marco Valintine, another recent immigrant from the NWA, defeated Doc Henry and Jorge Diaz to earn the honor. But the match was not without controversy.
*The ending of the contest, where Doc Henry waffles both Diaz and Valintine with chairshots before leaving the ring, after which Marco rolls over to pin Diaz, is shown.*
BW: Doc Henry walked out of a match that was his to win. Now, can The Emperor of Epicness capitalize on this bit of good fortune, and wrest the Internet Title from Zombie McMorris, whose hold on it seems every bit as tenacious as his Honey Badger namesake? And who is responsible for this?
*We see the segment where Doc Henry gets jumped backstage by a hooded individual.*
BW: Is it one of Henry’s old enemies back for revenge? Or perhaps someone is sending him a message for his unsportsmanlike display earlier in the evening? The suspects are nearly limitless, but if anyone can suss out the identity of this mystery man, it’s the Southern Rogue.
*”Davidson Does the Dew” is the next segment. We see Chris Davidson putting Mountain Dew Bob in his finisher, the Muscle Lock.*
BW: Recently hired wrestler Chris Davidson made his Slam debut last night, introducing himself to the delighted Corpus Christi crowd and implying that WCF’s own wrestling terpsichorean Jorge Diaz in his gun sights. It wasn’t long before Davidson would be interrupted however. Mountain Dew Bob, who had been beaten earlier in the week on WCF Wednesday Night by Davidson, put in an appearance. And he came to the party with something more acerbic than the soft drink he shares a name with: Bob brought sour grapes.
*We see the Mountain Dew Bob squash in its entirety.*
BW: Chris Davidson made quick work of the Carbonated One, which may be the reason he’ll be booked next week in his first Slam match, and Bob will not. No doubt about it, the Middletown Muscleman’s second impression was every bit as strong as his first.
*The graphic reads ”People Title’s Number One Contendership Match”, and we see pictures of Adam Young, Chase Michaels, Night Rider, and Cormack MacNeill.*
BW: The People Title’s Contendership Match might have been the fight of the night. These four men gave it everything they had to earn the right to wrestle “The Death Bringer” Denise D’evil at “One” for her title. Who would it be?
*We see numerous highlights of the match, with plenty of spots. The ending, with Night Rider pinning Cormack, is shown.*
BW: It would take a devastating Drop of Death to put away the Clan MacNeill’s Favorite Son, but Night Rider pulled it off. Now he knows who he will be wrestling at “One”, and for what stakes. But given his special relationship with the current People’s Champion, are these stakes too high for both of them?
*”FPV PO’D” is the title of the next segment. We see a very angry Frank Patrick Venable glowering on the green screen.*
BW: Two weeks ago, Frank Patrick Venable brutally assaulted his long-time friend, Mister WCF himself, Logan. Sunday night at Slam he told everyone his reasons why.
*A long clip of Franky’s promo, where he states how many of his friends have turned on him, and that he’s tired of doing the right thing. His challenge to Logan for the Hardcore title and his threat to Roy Speede concludes things.*
BW: This was clearly an angry, emotionally devastated FPV on display. He is a man who feels betrayed by his former allies, and misunderstood by the fans of the WCF Universe. Now, he wants nothing more than to make all of them suffer for it. Combine this rage with the skills of a man who was just the company’s third Grand Slam Champion in its history, and Frank Venable might be able to do just that.
*”Upset of the Night?” along with a picture of a triumphant Jack Happy, is shown.*
BW: The Hefty Harlequin Jack Happy is WCF’s Wrestler of the Week thanks to his performance in this next match. He, United States Champion Ryan Rhodes, Hardcore Champion Logan, and former NWA great Chino squared off quite literally in a four man match.
*Clips of the match, including the finish where Jack pins Rhodes.*
BW: It was an ending that I’m sure surprised many a Slam viewer. Jack’s has had some strong showings, but to out-perform two current champions and a long time veteran like he did Sunday demonstrated WCF’s burrito aficionado should not be taken lightly. A win like this could put him in contention for a number of mid-card titles. Odd then, that Jack Happy seems fixated on Jeff Purse, a man currently not wearing WCF gold. Though, given the Happy’s fluctuating disposition, perhaps it isn’t strange at all.
*”Something Offal” is the next title. We see a still photo of Ryan Rhodes’s shit stained locker.*
BW: The night for Ryan Rhodes would go from bad to worse, as the sinister Doctor Remus Micayle would appear backstage. Earlier in the week, Micayle hinted on Twitter he would be calling out a WCF superstar, and boy did he ever.
*We get clips of Micayle challenging Ryan Rhodes for the US Championship, as well as the scene where he dumps horse crap on and in his locker.*
BW: In what can only be described as a disgusting and unsanitary display of hubris, the Mad Doctor, who has yet to have a single match in the Wrestling Championship Federation, dared Ryan Rhodes to face him for the US belt. Those of you who follow Venom on social media know that he is more than willing to take Doctor Micayle on for the title, but given the fact Rhodes has a championship match this coming Sunday against Jorge Diaz and Cormack Mackneil, the point may be moot. Title or no, it’s doubtful Rhodes and Micayle are done with each other, and the Doctor may very soon learn that by calling out Venom, he’s stepped in it… big time. To further handicap this potential fight, I turn to my esteemed colleagues, two fellow members of the Fourth Estate: The Eighth Wonder!
We begin in the closet/studio that hosted the now defunct 8th Wonder Weekly Report. The lovable but terrible wrestling duo of Markus Jayson and Kelvin Staylor stand next to their old monitor facing the camera. The monitor springs to action with the WCF logo as we begin.
Jayson: Hello fans!
Staylor: Welcome back to The 8th Wonder’s Weekly Report!
Jayson: …uh, Stay. This isn’t our show.
Staylor: I thought WCF was bringing us back to do the recap show?
Jayson: Nope. Someone else is doing it.
Staylor: Oh. Then what are we doing?
Jayson: We’ve been summoned to do a little part in the new show because we’re super knowledgeable and the people want our insights.
The monitor switches to the words “The 8th Wonder’s Weekly Wisdom.”
Staylor Cool! So what now?
Jayson: We’re supposed to talk about something. Just one thing that’s going on currently.
Staylor: Okay, fine. I pick Obama Care. I think it…
Jayson: NO! We have to talk about wrestling stuff.
Staylor: Oh. How about we talk about winning our second ever match last week!? WE’RE SO TALENTED. Everyone is super jealous of our skills.
Jayson: You know I’m shy. I don’t want to talk about myself. How about we talk about Dr. Remus Micayle, a newer addition to the roster who's been making some noise lately.
Staylor: The super smart but not as smart as us guy?
Jayson: Yeah, him. I really like his educational videos. They teach me things. Unfortunately, he deprived me of them this week. However, he did call out United States Champion Ryan Rhodes and told him he was disgusted by him.
Staylor: That’s not nice.
Jayson: I know! Then he threw poop at his stuff.
Staylor: Well…THAT…would seem to be what is disgusting.
Jayson: Dr. Remus then challenged Ryan Rhodes to a United States Title match at One, and Rhodes has already responded accepting. What do you make of this possible matchup, Stay?
Staylor: I really have no idea.
Jayson: Come on, you can do this. Give the people some of that wisdom!
Kelvin Staylor puts his finger to his head like he’s on an episode of “Psych.”
Staylor: I got it! The one guy, Rhodes, will have an advantage because he smells like poop. Poop smells bad, but after two weeks of wearing around the poop Rhodes will be immune to its deadly odor. That will give him a tactical advantage in the ring against Dr. Poop Tosser. Therefore, to have any chance of winning and securing his first WCF title, the Doctor will need to design some sort of spray to mask the fumes from Rhodes' clothing.
Jayson: Like perfume or cologne?
Staylor: What is that, french? No the french have nothing to do with this. It has to be something that he could bottle up and stick in his tights. Something small, but something that makes everything smell better, even a dirty stinky man.
Jayson: Yeah. Cologne.
Staylor: Wait, cologne? No, no, I’m not talking about toothpaste, dummy. I think what I’m talking about has never been invented before. Doctor man is a former scientist so perhaps he’ll be able to concoct this potion that I’ve very astutely masterminded right here on this show. If he can do that, he has a chance to pull off the victory. We’ll just have to wait and see.
Jayson: There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. The ever-knowledgeable Kelvin Staylor providing you this week’s 8th Wonder Wisdom of the Week! Back to you, show stealer!
The scene from the studio cuts out.
*Commerical break. When we come back, the graphic reads ”Television Title Match” and we get pictures of Denise D’evil, Tasha Lavondyss, Chelsea Black Armstrong, and Mathew Robinson.*
BW: The Television Title is on the line in this most unique of tag matches. If current champ Chelsea Armstrong or her partner, Mathew Robinson, scores the pinfall or submission, she retains. If either Denise D’evil or Tasha Lavondyss pin Chelsea, the belt is theirs.
*Another match recap, including the ending where Robinson covers Lavondyss.*
BW: In the end the Punisher was able to do a solid for his partner, allowing her to keep her title. As we’ll soon see though, this would be the only good news of the night of either member of Justice.
*”Hardcore Hazing” is the next title. There’s a still shot of Oblivion standing over a laid out Mathew Robinson.*
BW: Last week Oblivion approached WCF owner Sarah Twilight and offered his services in helping her keep the many newcomers to the roster in line. She accepted. At Slam on Sunday, we got to see a glimpse of the Monster’s methodology.
*Recap of Oblivion beating down Matt Robinson.*
BW: The God of Insanity ambushed and made quick work of Mathew Robinson backstage, and afterwards warned the Punisher that his soul would soon belong to him. Is this just a case of a wrestling veteran making an example of a relative rookie, does Oblivion have other, darker plans in store? And will these plans take into account they involve going up against a man who delights in punishing those who oppose him? Time will tell.
*No title for the next segment. The green screen is dark. Worthy, for the first time in the broadcast, looks agitated.*
BW: “WCF Round-Up” is a news show, and as such it is our job to report the news as it relates to the Wrestling Championship Federation. So we would be remiss not to mention the brutal attack and kidnapping of Chelsea Black Armstrong and her infant daughter. This was done after her title match, and was perpetrated by former WCF wrestler Lilith, who was out with an injury. It is also believed she had an accomplice, whose identity we are not ready to reveal until we can get full corroboration. The decision has been made to not post any of the video that has surfaced online taken during Miss Armstrong’s detainment, not for its graphic nature, but because we feel it gives the perpetrator more of the attention she seeks. However, if you have seen any of these individuals:
*Recent photos of Chelsea Black Armstrong, Shelley Armstrong, and Lilith appear on screen.*
BW: Please contact the local authorities and relay to them the information. Thank you.
*One more commercial break. When Round Up continues, we get Worthy and the graphic “An Alliance and A Challenge”.*
BW: There was a huge blockbuster announcement regarding the Tag Team Division during Slam. WCF World Champion Jonny Fly and current Number One Contender for the same title Steven Orbit came to the ring and made official what many were assuming for weeks.
*Clip of Fly and “The Mack” announcing they were forming The Dream Team. *
BW: But the news didn’t end there.
*We see The Dream Team calling out The Thickness for the Tag Team Championships.*
BW: That’s right. Jonny Fly and “The Mack” versus current Odin Balfore and Bobby Cairo! Four of the most dominant wrestlers in WCF history will fight for the titles next week in Las Vegas on Slam! This is a Pay Per View Main Event caliber match that is being given away free. Ladies and gentlemen, you cannot miss what is going to be a contest for the ages. I cannot wait to see the clinic these wrestling titans put on.
*The green screen reads “Main Event Madness!”. In the background we see profile photos of Jonny Fly, Steven Orbit, Jeff Purse facing off against Waylon Cash, John Gable, and Benjamin Atreyu. In between both sides is a silhouette bearing a question mark.*
BW: But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. Sunday night there was an amazing six man tag match to close out the show. The newly christened Dream Team along with “The Future” Jeff Purse took on an always dangerous S-PAC. There were no titles on the line, but still anticipation was high. At issue was the strained relationship of Jonny fly and Jeff Purse. Could these former Pantheon members turned bitter rivals put aside their differences and defeat the trio of Waylon Cash, Benjamin Atreyu, and John Gable?
*Clips of the match. Lots of them. *
BW: The official answer is “No,” but as we’ll see, there would be extenuating circumstances.
*We get the finish of the match, when Jack Happy distracts Purse, leading to Waylon pinning him. The spot where Happy Clown kicks Jeff is shown next.*
BW: Jack Happy continued his grease-painted guerrilla campaign against Jeff Purse, once again interfering with him during a match. It was a stunning conclusion to a stellar Slam.
BW: Speaking of which, we’re out of time. Thank you for tuning in to this premier episode of WCF Round Up. If you wish to contact us about anything regarding the show, you can do so through Facebook or WCF.com, and make sure to follow me on Twitter (Bryan "Buzz" Worthy) if you want information on upcoming shows. For everyone here at WCF Round Up, this is Bryan Worthy, saying good night.
(Thanks to George!, Bobby Cairo, Chase Michaels, Lilith, Makayla Cooper, Jeff Purse, and "The 8th Wonder" for contributing to this episode)
Man: Welcome to the inaugural episode of “WCF Round-Up”. I’m your host, Bryan Worthy. We’ve got a big show tonight, so let’s get right to it. We’re going to start by reviewing the events of the December 1 episode of Slam, filmed live at a packed American Bank Center in Corpus Christi, Texas. And the superstars of the Wrestling Championship Federation did not disappoint.
*A graphic reading “Eric Price Trashes Elite Title” appears on the green screen, along with a still shot of Price holding the title belt over a trash can*
BW: Slam started with a surprise appearance of the Moneyed Master of Mayhem himself: Eric Price. Mister Price entered the ring displaying the WCF Elite Title, a prize that had been stripped from him by the current company director, Sarah Twilight. But Eric had a dramatic response planned for his frequent nemesis. He said that Miss Twilight’s edict had made the Elite Championship effectively worthless, and as such there was only one place to put it.
*cue clip of Price dropping the title into the garbage to huge applause*
BW: It is interesting to note that as of taping this episode of “WCF: Roundup”, we have not gotten an official response from Sarah Twilight to this act of defiance. Nor are we aware of whom, if anyone, is in possession of the Elite Title. Even more strangely, the advertised wedding of Eric Price to Rachel Twilight, Sarah’s sister, was mysteriously dropped from the show. There are plenty of unanswered questions regarding this conflict, but be sure, WCF Universe, we are searching to find the answers.
*A new graphic labelled “Career Versus Cabal” is shown, as well as menacing photos of Donald Deruty and Waylon Cash.*
BW: Another metaphorical gauntlet was thrown down in the ring Sunday night. Former five time United States Champion Donald Deruty issued a challenge to Waylon Cash:
*The clip of D-Day suggesting a match at “One” between the two of them, with the stipulation being if he wins, S-PAC must disband.*
BW: The Hellbilly, no doubt representing the entire Savage Political Action Committee, soon appeared, and proposed a counter offer.
*Waylon’s reply: he’ll do it, but the match has to be a Hardcore Hell match and Deruty has to retire from wrestling if he loses. D-Day accepts.*
BW: And there we go! WCF’s American Hero has put his career on the line for the chance to remove the company of its last, lingering stable. This long standing blood feud between Waylon Cash and Donald Deruty comes to an end at “One”, and the stakes cannot be higher. I predict the outcome of this match will have the inhabitants of the WCF Universe talking for years to come.
*The graphic reads “Say it Ain’t So, Bio!” in front of a backdrop of Biohazard looming over a fallen Tyler Walker.*
BW: Next up, tag team action between two fan favorites: The Eighth Wonder against Team BioWalker. This was an entertaining match up, and it is safe to say it exceeded everyone’s expectations. The Eighth Wonder was able to come away with a surprise victory, but there was a bigger shock after the match.
*There is a slow motion clip of BioHazard spewing ooze into Tyler Walker’s face, dropping him like a bad habit. We see the stunned reaction of the crowd, including a gif-worthy shot of the crying little girl.*
BW: Why did you do it, Biohazard? Why did you turn on your life partner, your soul mate? Tyler Walker has always stood by you, despite your constant toxic suppurations. How could you betray him? The fans deserve an answer.
*The title card “Buzz Cuts” appears.*
BW: While on the subject of answers, it’s now time to introduce a special segment of WCF Round Up. The Wrestling Championship Federation is filled with a multitude of personalities, each with their unique point of view. That’s why we thought it was vital to get on record the opinions of these diverse individuals on topics important to the company and its fans. Each week I pose a question to the WCF roster and give them carte blanche in how they answer, totally unfiltered, and totally real. Our first topic: What is your opinion on WCF's policy of making every match No Disqualification?
*We get clips of the wrestlers being asked the question, and them giving their replies.*
Bobby Cairo:
Twilight's no-disqualification policy typifies the lawlessness and utter disregard for worker safety that has defined her regime. Look at my match with Oblivion at the Mystery Slam in Denver, Colorado: I was forced to nearly kill that man, a man whom I regard in the highest esteem, just because Twilight gets that tingling sensation in her unsupple poon every time a WCF employee gets busted open, beat down, ransacked, murked out, concussed and otherwise incapacitated. Why? What's the point? Who benefits? We, the workers, who fill the arenas week in and week out? I certainly haven't seen any Yankee dollars added to my bottom line since Twilight seized control of WCF from the wayward dandy Eric Price. All of those golden doubloons that the WCF Universe plunks down to attend live shows, purchase merchandise and order pay-per-views are wired directly into Sarah Twilight's slush fund. FACT. We, the workers, sacrifice our bodies while Sarah Twilight masturbates herself with diamond and ruby encrusted shower heads. It's a sick game. A sick, SICK game.
Chase Michaels:
*Michaels smirks.*
Chase: How do I feel about no DQ stip on every match? Doesn't bother me in the slightest to be honest, I don't need weapons or outside help to beat my opponent but if I feel like the match needs me to beat my opponent with a weapon then I guess I can do that. You should probably be asking my opponents how they feel as they're going to be the ones getting the beating!
*A sinister smile appears on Michaels face as he walks away with Red following behind him.*
Lilith:
I think it's great. It means that I can do what I want, when I want... and I won't get into trouble! I mean I could literally go to the ring with a gun and shoot someone! What do you mean I can't do that?! There's no rules! NO RULES!
Makayla Cooper:
I believe its just a lazy tactic by Sarah the Tyrant to allow her 'people' to do whatever they want and get away with it.
Jeff Purse:
I don't know, I suppose its ok. I like the fact that the matches can become intense quickly and its all legal. But I think it tarnishes things, and makes people not have to try as hard. Shoot, I am losing, I am going to bash this dude with a chair a couple times. I think it makes superstars lazy and it takes away from the excitment you get from a really good match, you know? Anyway, thats my two cents. Oh, also, people need to learn how to put the stuff under the ring in a nice, orderly fashion. If we are going to be able to go under there whenever we feel, there needs to be some type of order to that shit. Instead of just thrown about all willy nilly.
*The interviews end, and we’re back to the WCF set.*
BW: I want to thank those WCF superstars willing to express their thoughts on this topic. In this day and age of the corporate athlete, it’s rare to see sports figures give an opinion on anything, especially when it might be controversial. Nicely done.
*”Meet Steele Mathews” is the graphic. Steele Mathews, not surprisingly, is the picture.*
BW: The NWA Migration continues, as the WCF is formally introduced to the Punk Drunk Hunk known as Steele Mathews. Mathews showed he was deft on the mic by interviewing recent hire Jason Weslow, on his very own talk show “Too Drunk to Chat.” Though his seemingly silver tongue should not come as a surprise, since it appears he is romantically involved with WCF’s most eligible bachelorette, Mikayla “Mack” Cooper, who coincidentally happens to be Jason Weslow’s tag team partner.
*We see a clip of Mikayla in action. Such thick, sexy thighs. Hubba hubba.*
BW: It’s really hard to decide which man is luckier: “The Final Frontier” for tagging with Mack or Mathews for dating her. What is not in doubt is that all three of these competitors have bright futures here in the Wrestling Championship Federation.
*”Fatal Four Way” is the next title. We see images of Original Gangster, Mod Deuce, Caleb Fourchon, and Gabriel Mephisto III.*
BW: Slam’s second match was a classic Fatal Four Way. A quartet of WCF newcomers competed for bragging rights and the winner’s share of the purse.
*Clips of the match, including the ending where Caleb Fourchon makes Gabe Mephisto III tap.*
BW: It was a back and forth affair that any man could have won, but in the end “The Cajun Crippler” scored the victory. Special mention has to go to both Mod Deuce and the Original Gangster, who showed real promise. Fans of “big men” in pro-wrestling have a lot to look forward too, with talented giants like these on the roster.
*The graphic reads “Beauty and the Bully” with pictures of both Makayla Cooper and George in full figure (with headshots of Kevin and Jason Weslow in the background behind their respective tag team partners).*
BW: The fans at the American Bank Center were treated to what may have been one of the most surreal matches in ages, when the team of Makayla Cooper and Jason Weslow faced off against the Nerdsmashers. Those of you who follow the WCF on Twitter know that Nerdsmasher George! is quite smitten with Makayla, an affection he demonstrated vividly during the match. Just watch.
*We see clips of the match, highlighting on George! down on one knee and proposing to Makayla, Makayla kicking George!, George! planting a big wet one on Makayla, and Makayla pinning George!. *
BW: Mack got some additional redemption for George’s! unwanted advances after the match when she, Chelsea Black Armstrong, and Stacey Robinson, in their words, ‘debitchified’, the Nerdsmashers.
*We see Kevin and George! get paper-bagged by the three women.*
BW: Will this act of humiliation be enough to convince WCF’s favorite misanthropes of the errors of their ways? As a journalist I try not to make predictions, but based on this next segment, I highly doubt it.
*The WCF Round Up Set fades and is replaced by a title card reading “Nerd of the Week!”*
Kevin and George! are pumping some major iron. They look up and see the camera is on them. George gets up.
George!: Hi, I am George.
Kevin: And I am Kevin.
George and Kevin together: AND THIS IS NERD OF THE WEEK!!!
George!: Lots of Nerds to choose from this week Kev.
Kevin: Yes, lots of them indeed.
Geroge!: Our last Nerd of the Week was Torture. Remember Kev?
Kevin: Yeah, he was such a NERD that week.
George!: Hell yeah. But lets take a look at this week. Lots of contenders. Who is our first runner up, Kev?
Kevin: The first NERD of the week runner up is Jason Weslow. Not only is he the unlucky one who had to face George and me, but he was teamed with George's boo, Cooper.
George!: Yeah, and he didn't even appreciate it like he should. Instead of being all like "Yo Cooper, let me smack dat fine ass" he was like "Makayla, make good choices because good choices always warrent good results" like a NERD!
Kevin: Yeah, he thinks he is some old Chinese kung fu master giving out life lessons. Like Yoda. What a Nerd. Who is the second runner up, George!
George!: Second runner up, Kevin, is that NERD Matthew Robinson. He was in a match with three girls and him, and he didn't even once try to cop a feel.
Kevin: What a NERD! Even I tried to cop a feel on Cooper, sorry George.
George!: You did WHAT?
Kevin: What? She has a fine ass and nice boobies.
George!: Yeah she does. Its alright, I would expect you too, cause you aren't a NERD.
They high five.
George!: But, neither of those two compare to our NERD OF THE WEEK!
Kevin: NERD OF THE WEEK!
George!: KEVIN! Thats supposed to be at the same time.
Kevin: Sorry bro. Anyway, our NERD of the week, is actually two people.
George!: Thats right, but they walk around as one entity.
Kevin: Yeah. They are, the DREAM TEAM-JONNY FLY AND STEVE ORBIT!
George!: I mean, just the NERDiest showing I have ever seen on a wrestling show EVER!
Kevin: They walk out and anounce how they are better then every team, even though they have never faced me and George.
George!: Yeah, cause if they did we would SMASH those NERDS!
Kevin: YEAH!
Chest bump.
George!: But they even say they are better then S-PAC, and what happens? The NERDS lose to S-PAC.
Kevin: WHAT NERDS!!!
GEORGE!: YEAH THEY SUCK! NERDS
Kevin: Anyway, thats all we have time for. Time to pump more iron.
George!: YEAH!!!!
Scene fades out.
*Commercial time. Then, when we come back, ”Internet Title Contendership Match” is the title, and we see dramatically posed photos of all three participants: Doc Henry, Jorge Diaz, and Marco Valintine.*
BW: We now know who will challenge Internet Champion Zombie McMorris at “One”! Marco Valintine, another recent immigrant from the NWA, defeated Doc Henry and Jorge Diaz to earn the honor. But the match was not without controversy.
*The ending of the contest, where Doc Henry waffles both Diaz and Valintine with chairshots before leaving the ring, after which Marco rolls over to pin Diaz, is shown.*
BW: Doc Henry walked out of a match that was his to win. Now, can The Emperor of Epicness capitalize on this bit of good fortune, and wrest the Internet Title from Zombie McMorris, whose hold on it seems every bit as tenacious as his Honey Badger namesake? And who is responsible for this?
*We see the segment where Doc Henry gets jumped backstage by a hooded individual.*
BW: Is it one of Henry’s old enemies back for revenge? Or perhaps someone is sending him a message for his unsportsmanlike display earlier in the evening? The suspects are nearly limitless, but if anyone can suss out the identity of this mystery man, it’s the Southern Rogue.
*”Davidson Does the Dew” is the next segment. We see Chris Davidson putting Mountain Dew Bob in his finisher, the Muscle Lock.*
BW: Recently hired wrestler Chris Davidson made his Slam debut last night, introducing himself to the delighted Corpus Christi crowd and implying that WCF’s own wrestling terpsichorean Jorge Diaz in his gun sights. It wasn’t long before Davidson would be interrupted however. Mountain Dew Bob, who had been beaten earlier in the week on WCF Wednesday Night by Davidson, put in an appearance. And he came to the party with something more acerbic than the soft drink he shares a name with: Bob brought sour grapes.
*We see the Mountain Dew Bob squash in its entirety.*
BW: Chris Davidson made quick work of the Carbonated One, which may be the reason he’ll be booked next week in his first Slam match, and Bob will not. No doubt about it, the Middletown Muscleman’s second impression was every bit as strong as his first.
*The graphic reads ”People Title’s Number One Contendership Match”, and we see pictures of Adam Young, Chase Michaels, Night Rider, and Cormack MacNeill.*
BW: The People Title’s Contendership Match might have been the fight of the night. These four men gave it everything they had to earn the right to wrestle “The Death Bringer” Denise D’evil at “One” for her title. Who would it be?
*We see numerous highlights of the match, with plenty of spots. The ending, with Night Rider pinning Cormack, is shown.*
BW: It would take a devastating Drop of Death to put away the Clan MacNeill’s Favorite Son, but Night Rider pulled it off. Now he knows who he will be wrestling at “One”, and for what stakes. But given his special relationship with the current People’s Champion, are these stakes too high for both of them?
*”FPV PO’D” is the title of the next segment. We see a very angry Frank Patrick Venable glowering on the green screen.*
BW: Two weeks ago, Frank Patrick Venable brutally assaulted his long-time friend, Mister WCF himself, Logan. Sunday night at Slam he told everyone his reasons why.
*A long clip of Franky’s promo, where he states how many of his friends have turned on him, and that he’s tired of doing the right thing. His challenge to Logan for the Hardcore title and his threat to Roy Speede concludes things.*
BW: This was clearly an angry, emotionally devastated FPV on display. He is a man who feels betrayed by his former allies, and misunderstood by the fans of the WCF Universe. Now, he wants nothing more than to make all of them suffer for it. Combine this rage with the skills of a man who was just the company’s third Grand Slam Champion in its history, and Frank Venable might be able to do just that.
*”Upset of the Night?” along with a picture of a triumphant Jack Happy, is shown.*
BW: The Hefty Harlequin Jack Happy is WCF’s Wrestler of the Week thanks to his performance in this next match. He, United States Champion Ryan Rhodes, Hardcore Champion Logan, and former NWA great Chino squared off quite literally in a four man match.
*Clips of the match, including the finish where Jack pins Rhodes.*
BW: It was an ending that I’m sure surprised many a Slam viewer. Jack’s has had some strong showings, but to out-perform two current champions and a long time veteran like he did Sunday demonstrated WCF’s burrito aficionado should not be taken lightly. A win like this could put him in contention for a number of mid-card titles. Odd then, that Jack Happy seems fixated on Jeff Purse, a man currently not wearing WCF gold. Though, given the Happy’s fluctuating disposition, perhaps it isn’t strange at all.
*”Something Offal” is the next title. We see a still photo of Ryan Rhodes’s shit stained locker.*
BW: The night for Ryan Rhodes would go from bad to worse, as the sinister Doctor Remus Micayle would appear backstage. Earlier in the week, Micayle hinted on Twitter he would be calling out a WCF superstar, and boy did he ever.
*We get clips of Micayle challenging Ryan Rhodes for the US Championship, as well as the scene where he dumps horse crap on and in his locker.*
BW: In what can only be described as a disgusting and unsanitary display of hubris, the Mad Doctor, who has yet to have a single match in the Wrestling Championship Federation, dared Ryan Rhodes to face him for the US belt. Those of you who follow Venom on social media know that he is more than willing to take Doctor Micayle on for the title, but given the fact Rhodes has a championship match this coming Sunday against Jorge Diaz and Cormack Mackneil, the point may be moot. Title or no, it’s doubtful Rhodes and Micayle are done with each other, and the Doctor may very soon learn that by calling out Venom, he’s stepped in it… big time. To further handicap this potential fight, I turn to my esteemed colleagues, two fellow members of the Fourth Estate: The Eighth Wonder!
We begin in the closet/studio that hosted the now defunct 8th Wonder Weekly Report. The lovable but terrible wrestling duo of Markus Jayson and Kelvin Staylor stand next to their old monitor facing the camera. The monitor springs to action with the WCF logo as we begin.
Jayson: Hello fans!
Staylor: Welcome back to The 8th Wonder’s Weekly Report!
Jayson: …uh, Stay. This isn’t our show.
Staylor: I thought WCF was bringing us back to do the recap show?
Jayson: Nope. Someone else is doing it.
Staylor: Oh. Then what are we doing?
Jayson: We’ve been summoned to do a little part in the new show because we’re super knowledgeable and the people want our insights.
The monitor switches to the words “The 8th Wonder’s Weekly Wisdom.”
Staylor Cool! So what now?
Jayson: We’re supposed to talk about something. Just one thing that’s going on currently.
Staylor: Okay, fine. I pick Obama Care. I think it…
Jayson: NO! We have to talk about wrestling stuff.
Staylor: Oh. How about we talk about winning our second ever match last week!? WE’RE SO TALENTED. Everyone is super jealous of our skills.
Jayson: You know I’m shy. I don’t want to talk about myself. How about we talk about Dr. Remus Micayle, a newer addition to the roster who's been making some noise lately.
Staylor: The super smart but not as smart as us guy?
Jayson: Yeah, him. I really like his educational videos. They teach me things. Unfortunately, he deprived me of them this week. However, he did call out United States Champion Ryan Rhodes and told him he was disgusted by him.
Staylor: That’s not nice.
Jayson: I know! Then he threw poop at his stuff.
Staylor: Well…THAT…would seem to be what is disgusting.
Jayson: Dr. Remus then challenged Ryan Rhodes to a United States Title match at One, and Rhodes has already responded accepting. What do you make of this possible matchup, Stay?
Staylor: I really have no idea.
Jayson: Come on, you can do this. Give the people some of that wisdom!
Kelvin Staylor puts his finger to his head like he’s on an episode of “Psych.”
Staylor: I got it! The one guy, Rhodes, will have an advantage because he smells like poop. Poop smells bad, but after two weeks of wearing around the poop Rhodes will be immune to its deadly odor. That will give him a tactical advantage in the ring against Dr. Poop Tosser. Therefore, to have any chance of winning and securing his first WCF title, the Doctor will need to design some sort of spray to mask the fumes from Rhodes' clothing.
Jayson: Like perfume or cologne?
Staylor: What is that, french? No the french have nothing to do with this. It has to be something that he could bottle up and stick in his tights. Something small, but something that makes everything smell better, even a dirty stinky man.
Jayson: Yeah. Cologne.
Staylor: Wait, cologne? No, no, I’m not talking about toothpaste, dummy. I think what I’m talking about has never been invented before. Doctor man is a former scientist so perhaps he’ll be able to concoct this potion that I’ve very astutely masterminded right here on this show. If he can do that, he has a chance to pull off the victory. We’ll just have to wait and see.
Jayson: There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. The ever-knowledgeable Kelvin Staylor providing you this week’s 8th Wonder Wisdom of the Week! Back to you, show stealer!
The scene from the studio cuts out.
*Commerical break. When we come back, the graphic reads ”Television Title Match” and we get pictures of Denise D’evil, Tasha Lavondyss, Chelsea Black Armstrong, and Mathew Robinson.*
BW: The Television Title is on the line in this most unique of tag matches. If current champ Chelsea Armstrong or her partner, Mathew Robinson, scores the pinfall or submission, she retains. If either Denise D’evil or Tasha Lavondyss pin Chelsea, the belt is theirs.
*Another match recap, including the ending where Robinson covers Lavondyss.*
BW: In the end the Punisher was able to do a solid for his partner, allowing her to keep her title. As we’ll soon see though, this would be the only good news of the night of either member of Justice.
*”Hardcore Hazing” is the next title. There’s a still shot of Oblivion standing over a laid out Mathew Robinson.*
BW: Last week Oblivion approached WCF owner Sarah Twilight and offered his services in helping her keep the many newcomers to the roster in line. She accepted. At Slam on Sunday, we got to see a glimpse of the Monster’s methodology.
*Recap of Oblivion beating down Matt Robinson.*
BW: The God of Insanity ambushed and made quick work of Mathew Robinson backstage, and afterwards warned the Punisher that his soul would soon belong to him. Is this just a case of a wrestling veteran making an example of a relative rookie, does Oblivion have other, darker plans in store? And will these plans take into account they involve going up against a man who delights in punishing those who oppose him? Time will tell.
*No title for the next segment. The green screen is dark. Worthy, for the first time in the broadcast, looks agitated.*
BW: “WCF Round-Up” is a news show, and as such it is our job to report the news as it relates to the Wrestling Championship Federation. So we would be remiss not to mention the brutal attack and kidnapping of Chelsea Black Armstrong and her infant daughter. This was done after her title match, and was perpetrated by former WCF wrestler Lilith, who was out with an injury. It is also believed she had an accomplice, whose identity we are not ready to reveal until we can get full corroboration. The decision has been made to not post any of the video that has surfaced online taken during Miss Armstrong’s detainment, not for its graphic nature, but because we feel it gives the perpetrator more of the attention she seeks. However, if you have seen any of these individuals:
*Recent photos of Chelsea Black Armstrong, Shelley Armstrong, and Lilith appear on screen.*
BW: Please contact the local authorities and relay to them the information. Thank you.
*One more commercial break. When Round Up continues, we get Worthy and the graphic “An Alliance and A Challenge”.*
BW: There was a huge blockbuster announcement regarding the Tag Team Division during Slam. WCF World Champion Jonny Fly and current Number One Contender for the same title Steven Orbit came to the ring and made official what many were assuming for weeks.
*Clip of Fly and “The Mack” announcing they were forming The Dream Team. *
BW: But the news didn’t end there.
*We see The Dream Team calling out The Thickness for the Tag Team Championships.*
BW: That’s right. Jonny Fly and “The Mack” versus current Odin Balfore and Bobby Cairo! Four of the most dominant wrestlers in WCF history will fight for the titles next week in Las Vegas on Slam! This is a Pay Per View Main Event caliber match that is being given away free. Ladies and gentlemen, you cannot miss what is going to be a contest for the ages. I cannot wait to see the clinic these wrestling titans put on.
*The green screen reads “Main Event Madness!”. In the background we see profile photos of Jonny Fly, Steven Orbit, Jeff Purse facing off against Waylon Cash, John Gable, and Benjamin Atreyu. In between both sides is a silhouette bearing a question mark.*
BW: But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. Sunday night there was an amazing six man tag match to close out the show. The newly christened Dream Team along with “The Future” Jeff Purse took on an always dangerous S-PAC. There were no titles on the line, but still anticipation was high. At issue was the strained relationship of Jonny fly and Jeff Purse. Could these former Pantheon members turned bitter rivals put aside their differences and defeat the trio of Waylon Cash, Benjamin Atreyu, and John Gable?
*Clips of the match. Lots of them. *
BW: The official answer is “No,” but as we’ll see, there would be extenuating circumstances.
*We get the finish of the match, when Jack Happy distracts Purse, leading to Waylon pinning him. The spot where Happy Clown kicks Jeff is shown next.*
BW: Jack Happy continued his grease-painted guerrilla campaign against Jeff Purse, once again interfering with him during a match. It was a stunning conclusion to a stellar Slam.
BW: Speaking of which, we’re out of time. Thank you for tuning in to this premier episode of WCF Round Up. If you wish to contact us about anything regarding the show, you can do so through Facebook or WCF.com, and make sure to follow me on Twitter (Bryan "Buzz" Worthy) if you want information on upcoming shows. For everyone here at WCF Round Up, this is Bryan Worthy, saying good night.
(Thanks to George!, Bobby Cairo, Chase Michaels, Lilith, Makayla Cooper, Jeff Purse, and "The 8th Wonder" for contributing to this episode)
