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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2013 18:11:27 GMT -5
Welcome to The Smart Market, where news is always in stock. The following four items have been meticulously researched and vetted by the Market's best reporters, using sources intimate with the Wrestling Championship Federation. It is our contention that these stories are as 100% factual as our contacts believed them to be at the time. Remember to bookmark "The Smart Market" and check it throughout the day to learn more news on the WCF as it develops, or download our App and get instant updates to your smartphone or electronic media device.
* Behind the scenes, the WCF writing committee has been getting a great deal of heat about the Nerd Smashers' gimmick, which is being called "hateful" and "insensitive". Sources believe the media watchdog group POINDEXTER (People Opposed to Instigating Negativity Directed Towards the Emotionally-Socially Retarded) are spear-heading the campaign. It is believed to placate the group Kevin and George! will be repackaged as "The Bully Busters", a duo of fun loving jocks who preach a message of tolerance and understanding before, during, and after their matches.
*There is a great deal of concern in the WCF locker room that Jeff Purse has become addicted to huffing Lysol and other household cleaners. "You can tell by the glazed look in his eyes and his fresh linen scent that he's on something, and its affecting his game," says one source close to the situation. His placement in the Main Event of the 12/1 Slam is being cited as Purse's last chance to prove he belongs in the World Title picture.
*There is an ulterior motive behind Logan's recent "Hunger Games" inspired promo. It is believed that WCF is reaching out to the film franchise's star, America's current sweetheart Jennifer Lawrence, to serve as special guest referee for the Hardcore Champion's Title match at One. The two sides are apparently very close on a price for the seemingly too good to be true ingenue's involvement, which is rumored to be in the seven figure range.
*A lot of people are wondering when Seth Lerch will be returning to an on camera role in WCF. In a way, he never truly left. Current booking has it so that on the Slam before One it will be revealed that Seth has had his own consciousness surgically transplanted in Sarah Twilight's body, and has been controlling the company the entire time. Observant Slam fans have noted that Sarah's hair has been "redder" than usual; this is because she is wearing a wig to conceal that her head was shaved for the medical procedure. This is going to lead to the first ever "Brain on a Pole" match, the outcome of which will determine who controls both the company and Sarah Twilight's body. Mathew Robinson and Waylon Cash are the names being put forward as wrestlers to be involved in the angle.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 2, 2013 19:40:41 GMT -5
@realjayprice
If Jennifer Lawrence shows up to One she'll never leave my locker room.
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George!
Rookie
@nerdsmasher
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Post by George! on Dec 2, 2013 23:43:40 GMT -5
@nerdsmasher
I WILL BE SMASHING NERDS FOREVER!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 3, 2013 8:23:00 GMT -5
UPDATE: The Smart Market has gotten corroboration on its December 2 story that "Hunger Games" star and all around cutie pie Jennifer Lawrence is WCF bound. Taken directly from Jay Price's Twitter account: @realjayprice Jennifer Lawrence shows up to One Please continue to check in at this site for additional information on this story as it develops. |
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Post by CD's Old Account on Dec 3, 2013 22:48:38 GMT -5
^ fucking lol'd.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2013 17:03:14 GMT -5
December 9th Edition
Welcome to The Smart Market, where the facts are grass-fed and free range. The following items have been meticulously researched and vetted by the Market's best reporters, using sources intimate with the Wrestling Championship Federation. It is our contention that these stories are as 100% factual as our contacts believed them to be at the time. Remember to bookmark "The Smart Market" and check it throughout the day to learn more news on the WCF as it develops, or download our App and get instant updates to your smartphone or electronic media device. Now, our top stories:
* WCF Films is searching for a director to helm their latest project: "An Adam Young Christmas Carol". The proposed plot involves The Villain being visited on Christmas Eve by the ghosts of his dead tag team partners, who in turn try to teach him the true meaning of the holiday. Expect a major face push for Young after the movie's Straight to DVD summer release.
* Seth Lerch's dream of a junk food themed stable is that much closer to reality. The plan is to repackage Makayla "Mack" Cooper as "Big Mack", a wrestling hamburger. Preliminary costume sketches have the already impressively endowed Cooper wearing padded prosthetics on her "all beef patties" and "sesame seed buns". "Big Mack" will join lower card favorites Mountain Dew Bob, El Taco de Genial, and Hot Dog Mascot in a faction dubbed Fast Food Nation sometime after One.
* One of the riders on Tag Team Champion Bobby Cairo's new contract has raised some eyebrows both here and backstage at the WCF. This quote, taken directly from an anonymous source, gives us an intriguing glimpse into the mind of one half of The Thickness:
"Bobby Cairo wants his dressing room stocked with a "champagne bucket" of M & Ms. Not just any M & Ms though: they have to be shelled. So before every Slam we get half dozen interns to scrape the outsides of about a thousand of the suckers. If Cairo sees even a fleck of color on them he pitches a fit. It's insane. We've tried telling him without the candy coating the M & Ms are just little globs of chocolate that will melt in his hands, not his mouth, but Bobby doesn't give a fuck. I've seen him at gorilla with fistfuls of them, taking huge bites out of the clumps right before a match, as happy as a pig in slop."
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Post by Jonny Fly on Dec 9, 2013 17:12:01 GMT -5
Jonny FlyJust heard the rumor about the junk food stable coming soon to WCF. Sounds tasty. Maybe they'll bring back that Egg McMuffin chick too?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 9, 2013 17:40:17 GMT -5
@realjayprice RT Jonny Fly "Maybe they'll bring back that Egg McMuffin chick too?" If so I'll be first in line to slap some sausage between those buns. |
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Post by raYne on Dec 11, 2013 4:09:49 GMT -5
@ rayne_storm --
i'll be willing to add a milkshake to that stable
cuz as everyone knows...
my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
and the girls too.
:3
<3
#would_you_like_fries_with_that
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Post by Deleted on Dec 17, 2013 18:40:53 GMT -5
December 17th Edition
Welcome to The Smart Market, a place so inside we can see the polyps on Hank Brown’s colon. The following items have been meticulously researched and vetted by the Market's best reporters, using sources intimate with the Wrestling Championship Federation. It is our contention that these stories are as 100% factual as our contacts believed them to be at the time. Remember to bookmark "The Smart Market" and check it throughout the day to learn more news on the WCF as it develops, or download our App and get instant updates to your smartphone or electronic media device. Now, our top stories:
WCF is said to be scrambling to sign talent in order to replace the mass exodus of performers that will be leaving the fed after One. Prospects so far are dim. The company’s first choice, Al Envy, has not been returning calls. Other wrestler being discussed include recent free agents AJ Styles and Chris Hero, though it is known Seth Lerch isn’t high on either candidate, as he believes the former is “too small” and the latter is “too lumpy-looking” to be real draws. The most obvious name in terms of marketability, Terry “Hulk Hogan” Bollea, was considered and rejected when it was ultimately decided his presence would add stress to an already tense locker room. Long time Smart Market shoppers are aware of the considerable heat between Bollea and WCF mainstay Stephan “Oblivion” Johnson, the cause of which is Johnson’s torrid affair with Bollea’s now but not then ex-wife Linda.
Powerhouse grappler Cormack Macneill is very well liked by the higher ups in WCF Creative, but there is concern that he doesn’t have the ability to “hook the casual fans.” To this end it has been decided to give Macneill a signature catchphrase. Right now the frontrunner is rumored to be “You better make with the nicey nice!” Expect to hear this phrase, a common declaration used at WCF booking meetings, to be pushed heavily by the Canadian-Scotsman in the coming weeks, followed by a plethora of new “Make with the Nicey Nice!” products becoming available on WCFShop.com.
2014 will see the unveiling of a new title in WCF called the Hot Potato Championship. The gimmick behind the belt is that there will be a one hundred percent guaranteed new champion every time it is defended. Old school wrestling purists in the company are enraged with the idea, since it exposes the predetermined nature of the business, while some of its more rational thinkers point out that by declaring that there always will be a new winner when the title is contested the company is effectively killing any possible suspense as to the outcome of the match. Creative had three responses to this: “it’s the journey not the destination that matters”, “fans are dumb”, and “fans mark for title changes.” In light of this logic, the Hot Potato Championship should be debuting on the Slam after One.
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Post by raYne on Dec 25, 2013 5:01:29 GMT -5
...while some of its more rational thinkers point out that by declaring that there always will be a new winner when the title is contested the company is effectively killing any possible suspense as to the outcome of the match. Creative had three responses to this: “it’s the journey not the destination that matters”... @ iMark4TheThicke-ness -- it's all about the climb, y'all. now, i gotta leg that's just BEGGIN' tah be humped comin' Robbie!! ~ Miley Montana |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 25, 2013 7:07:30 GMT -5
Why don't we just call it the "Lottery Belt"?
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Post by raYne on Dec 25, 2013 7:19:51 GMT -5
@ rayne_storm --
cuz then, that would hint at one of two things :
1) winning the title is as difficult as winning the lottery. which it obviously isn't.
2) winning the title is as much a cause for celebration as winning the lottery. see 1.
so... name seems legit to me. :^/
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Post by raYne on Dec 25, 2013 7:21:47 GMT -5
@ rayne_storm --
also, it could hint at it being totally random as far as winner is concerned
and let's face it
this title is being created so that eric price can keep comin' back under a mask
to face gable who is also comin' back under masks.
think about it.
^.^
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2014 15:14:29 GMT -5
January 4th Edition:
Welcome to The Smart Market: where we have more scoops than Baskin-Robbins. The following items have been meticulously researched and vetted by the Market's best reporters, using sources intimate with the Wrestling Championship Federation. It is our contention that these stories are as 100% factual as our contacts believed them to be at the time. Remember to bookmark "The Smart Market" and check it throughout the day to learn more news on the WCF as it develops, or download our App and get instant updates to your smartphone or electronic media device. Now, our top stories:
With Sarah Twilight taking time off from the WCF, the search is on for an on-screen authority figure to replace her. The leading candidates so far are former NBA Commissioner David Stern, WCF Hall of Famer "Slickie T" Allan Guilliano, Seth Lerch’s long lost twin brother “Gareth” Lerch (really just Seth in a wig and goatee), and The Great Catsby.
Jonny Fly’s next feud will tie into to his upcoming deal as “Hot Fries” pitchman. The plan is to have the company’s former mascot, funny page mainstay Andy Capp, stalk and menace Fly. “We’re going with a kind of Undertaker thing with this,” our anonymous source told us, “The theme of the feud will be: ’Is he really a cartoon character come to life, or just some crazy dude in a checkered flat cap?’” The program will culminate in a “Title vs. Endorsement Contract Match” at the “Aftermath” Pay Per View.
Despite hints online to the contrary, former United States Champion “Scoutmaster” Stuart Slane will not be resigning with the WCF. His interest in returning was a negotiating tactic to maximize his deal the wYoming Independent Fighting Furry Federation (YIFFF), the company he is currently wrestling for under the “fursona” of Maximillian Shadowpaw.
With the number of recent signings to the company’s roster, WCF is in desperate need of reducing payroll. Expect to see both Doc Henry and Benjamin Atreyu released in the coming weeks, with possibly Jack Unhappy to follow if he cannot meet the mandate set by management and lose forty pounds by spring. “Fat guys equal funny, clowns equal scary, but fat clowns equal neither,” is the reasoning behind Unhappy’s current heat with Creative.
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