Post by Jeff Purse on Nov 24, 2013 17:52:30 GMT -5
Nine little Indian boys sat up very late; One overslept himself and then there were Eight.
Eight little Indian boys traveling in Devon; One said he'd stay there and then there were Seven.
Seven little Indian boys chopping up sticks; One chopped himself in halves and then there were Six.
Six little Indian boys playing with a hive; A bumblebee stung one and then there were Five.
Five little Indian boys going in for law; One got into Chancery and then there were Four.
Four little Indian boys going out to sea; A red herring swallowed one and then there were Three.
Three little Indian boys walking in the Zoo; A big bear hugged one and then there were Two.
Two little Indian boys were out in the sun; One got all frizzled up and then there was one.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The scene opens up to Jeff sitting on his couch, watching a little television, flipping through the channels, trying to find something very interesting and fun to watch. He is wearing his usual garb, loose blue jeans, a red shirt with the words "The Future" written in green, jagged, lightning bolt letters. He has a green monster hat on and Aviator sunglasses tucked into his tee shirt. Suddenly, his telephone rings. He looks down and answers it…it’s his friend, Travis. He picks it up.
Jeff Purse: Hello??
Travis: Jeff…we have a problem down at the old mill.
Jeff Purse: What?
Travis: There is a problem down at the old mill!
Jeff Purse: Travis…what the fuck are you talking about?
Travis: I am talking ABOUT THE FUCKING PROBLEM AT THE MILL! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!
Jeff Purse: Oh…ok man…settle down…
Travis: Good, I will see you soon.
Jeff Purse: Good. Oh, wait…where the hell is the old mill?
Travis: Its…on old mill road…duh. GPS it. What…do you live in the stone age? Geez.
Travis hangs up as Jeff scoffs. Now he had to go down to the old mill. This was strange that Travis was calling it the old mill, as it wasn’t even a mill that Jeff was familiar with enough to call it the ‘old’ mill. However, he got up, got dressed, and told Kari where he was off to.
Kari: The old mill?
Jeff Purse: Yeah…look I have no idea what he is talking about.
Kari: Well, if there is a problem at the old mill…then there is a problem at the old mill. I will come too.
Jeff Purse: I am sorry, I don’t know if you guys are doing something here, but when I wanted to do Ultimate Showdown Noire, you were against it.
Kari: That’s because that was a stupid and cheesy idea. This isn’t.
Jeff Purse: You know a lot of people enjoyed watching that.
Kari: No they didn’t.
Jeff Purse: So you admit this is something?
Kari: Don’t worry man. Chill.
Jeff Purse: Kari, I have known you for a few years now, we are engaged, and we have been through a lot together. Never have I ever heard you ever say anything like the words “don’t worry man, chill.”
Kari: I am mysterious Jeff.
Jeff Purse: You know I am not one to chill.
Kari: Come on Jeff.
Kari grabs his hand and pulls him outside. She gets in the passenger seat of his blacked out Lincoln Navigator, and Jeff gets in the driver seat. They take off down the road.
Kari: You don’t need GPS; I will tell you how to get there.
Jeff Purse: Ok. So is this a mill that is still in operation?
Kari: No. It’s abandoned.
Jeff comes to a screeching halt. He turns to Kari, who seems quite frazzled.
Kari: Jeff what the hell?
Jeff Purse: IT’S ABANDONDED!?
Kari: Yes.
Jeff Purse: Kari what the hell? What makes you think I would enjoy being in an abandoned building?
Kari: Well, because…
Jeff Purse: Could it be that it’s probably a disgusting mess in there? Could it be that there are probably a million spider webs every where? Maybe the fact that it probably smells like shit?
Kari: No, none of that is true.
Jeff Purse: IT’S ABANDONED!
Kari: Jeff, I know you. You already guessed that this is a thing…so why do you think I would let you enter a building that is dirty?
Jeff Purse:…oh…yeah…you are right I suppose. Ok.
He shrugs it off and begins driving again. Kari frantically begins texting someone. They take a couple of twists and turns and a couple of turns and twists. Finally, they arrive at the ‘old mill’. They park next to a turquoise and yellow van, on it are the words ‘Mysterious Van’. Standing next to it are a blonde guy with a white tee shirt, teal pants, and a pink scarf. A girl in a long purple dress and go go boots. A girl in an oversized sweater and black rimmed glasses. A guy who looks like he smokes way too much weed, in a large green tee shirt and khaki pants…and the Hump Day Camel.
Camel: HUMP DAY!!!
Jeff Purse: I hate that camel.
Kari: Jeff, this is the team that’s going to help you solve the old mill mystery.
Jeff Purse: What?
Travis joins them, coming out of the mill.
Travis: Jeff, I would like you to meet Ferd, Darphne, Shraggy, Velmer, and Scrooby Doo.
Jeff Purse: You mean Scoo-
Kari: No. He doesn’t. We couldn’t get the rights to that.
Jeff Purse: Isn’t that awesome.
Ferd: We are here to help you solve the mystery. Isn’t that right gang?
Darphne: Totally hot stuff.
Velmer: Jinkos, yes.
Shraggy: Like, totally dude.
Scrooby aka Hump Day Camel: WOOT WOOT!!
Jeff just shakes his head and face palms. This was a new low. He begins rubbing his temples. Kari notices the frustration in Jeff’s face and turns to the group…
Kari: Perhaps this wasn’t a good idea. Why don’t you guys take off?
Ferd: We still get paid right?
Kari: We will discuss that later.
Shraggy: Like…we better get paid dudette.
Travis: Ok, time to leave. Come on, come on.
Scrooby aka The Hump Day Camel: GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS!?!?
Travis: Its hump day buddy. Ok. Let’s go. Off with ya.
The ‘gang’ piles back into their van and take off. They weren’t still getting paid, but neither Kari nor Travis had the heart to tell them that. They would send them a text later. Travis and Kari stand in front of Jeff.
Travis: Ok dude, the mystery awaits you. In you go.
Kari: Come on Jeff.
She grabs his hand and pulls him into the mill. Jeff struggles a bit, the door looks moldy, and he doesn’t want to pretend to even touch it. Being careful, he is able to get by without touching, and comes into a room with full of pictures of all the WCF Superstars. It is obvious what is going on to him at this point…but before he can make any kind of statement about it. He goes forward and begins straightening all the pictures, as they are laid out in an askew manner.
Kari: I told him to make sure that didn’t happen.
Jeff Purse: They aren’t the same size. I don’t know if I should go big small or big too small or small too big. What do you think?
Kari: Big too small.
Jeff Purse: Ok.
He beings working as Kari sits in a chair placed along a wall, waiting. He works long and he works hard, rearranging and rearranging until the he finally feels comfortable with the way the pictures are laid out. He turns to Kari, who is now sleeping. There is no light shining in through the windows anymore. It is night time out side. Jeff shrugs and turns to the camera.
Jeff Purse: So I know what they were trying to do. It is a mystery who I will be facing this week. It’s a mystery what kind of match I am going to be in this week. This week is a mystery. I am saying mystery too much. Anyway the point is nobody knows who they are facing, and it’s a mystery that needs solving.
But here is the truth. I don’t care. Honestly it doesn’t matter who I am going to be against this week. Because in the tale of the Ten Little WCF Superstars, my journey toward Sarah Twilight’s destruction, the random superstar is number nine. That’s right. Mr. Jack Happy, you were not number nine, you will never be on my radar, but here you have a chance to redeem yourself and make yourself a part of my list. That little attack you decided I deserved last week, well, don’t think that you won’t be getting a payback for that one. Your shit is coming to you. However, it doesn’t matter anyway, because if Sarah is smart, she will put me against someone who actually has a chance against me.
See that’s how this federation is. There is people who can hang, and people who can’t hang. And while there is quite a few people who have come up out of the woodwork, and can hang, there are still a number of people who cannot. Where do I fall on that list? Well let’s look at it. I am one of the most popular superstars on the roster. And I know, a lot of people say ‘oh, popularity isn’t everything. Jeff wants everyone to like him. Blah blah blah.” Well you know what, that is true. That is exactly right actually. I am do want people to like me and know me. You know why?
Because I am that good. I want people to know how good I am, and respect me because of it. Because I am that good, and I deserve that kind of treatment. I deserve everything good that comes my way, and when bad things come my way…then yes, I probably do deserve that. But for everything that I have gotten that was bad that I didn’t deserve, well, let’s just say that this is my redemption. This week I get a chance to make up for every shitty thing that ever happened to me. And do I feel sorry for the sad sack who gets to face me? You bet I don’t. I have no remorse whatsoever.
Why? Well let’s start at this. They signed up for this when they signed that contract. That’s right, they decided they wanted to have their ass kicked by me the moment they put their name on that piece of paper. Reason number 2? To learn. It’s a good lesson for any WCF superstar to understand that they will not, WILL NOT use me as their ‘stepping stone’ to get somewhere. NOPE! I am not a stepping stone here in WCF. I am the final destination. I don’t not bow down to help others further their career. And finally, because I am that damn good and everyone in that locker room who doubts that, needs to have their asses handed to them by me. To teach them the less that yes, I am that damn good, and yes, I am the past, the present, and the FUTURE of this fucking company.
Who do I hope it’s going to be? Well, I selected one who I really hope I am going to get to face…though I know the odds of it are going to be slim. Jonny Fly.
He holds up a picture of Jonny and takes out a lighter.
Jeff Purse: It’s not because he is the World Champion. That doesn’t matter to me. It doesn’t matter that having a win over Jonny Fly is good for someone’s career. That doesn’t matter to me. It isn’t because Jonny is the epitome of cocky and to get a W over him would be the best thing in the world to rub in his fucking face. No, that doesn’t matter to me. Here is the reason I want it to be Jonny Fly. Because he is the reason Pantheon went under. He thinks I am the reason, but really, it is Jonny Fucking Fly. The dynasty. The biggest son of a bitch I had ever met. I hitched my fucking wagon to this guy, and I believed in this guy, and I TRUSTED THIS FUCKING GUY! And he came back and fucked me over. And as Sarah Twilight and Eric Price and the plethora of people who have fucked with me before can tell you DON’T FUCK ME OVER!
As for everyone else? Well there is some good talent who I would like go up against. They will give me a good practice before Sarah Twilight’s ultimate demise. Chelsea Black Armstrong. That girl is on fire. I am sure she would like a rematch, and honestly I wouldn’t mind a rematch. She is good. Matthew Robinson, another guy who I wouldn’t mind giving a rematch too. Oblivion, I have beat him before, I will beat him again. Eric…well…I would love to see him in the ring again. Logan…you bet your ass I would like a win against him. Everyone on this roster has the potential to be number nine.
Because there is only nine little WCF Superstars left. I give luck to everyone, because everyone is going to need it. Welcome to the Future, WCF.
Eight little Indian boys traveling in Devon; One said he'd stay there and then there were Seven.
Seven little Indian boys chopping up sticks; One chopped himself in halves and then there were Six.
Six little Indian boys playing with a hive; A bumblebee stung one and then there were Five.
Five little Indian boys going in for law; One got into Chancery and then there were Four.
Four little Indian boys going out to sea; A red herring swallowed one and then there were Three.
Three little Indian boys walking in the Zoo; A big bear hugged one and then there were Two.
Two little Indian boys were out in the sun; One got all frizzled up and then there was one.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The scene opens up to Jeff sitting on his couch, watching a little television, flipping through the channels, trying to find something very interesting and fun to watch. He is wearing his usual garb, loose blue jeans, a red shirt with the words "The Future" written in green, jagged, lightning bolt letters. He has a green monster hat on and Aviator sunglasses tucked into his tee shirt. Suddenly, his telephone rings. He looks down and answers it…it’s his friend, Travis. He picks it up.
Jeff Purse: Hello??
Travis: Jeff…we have a problem down at the old mill.
Jeff Purse: What?
Travis: There is a problem down at the old mill!
Jeff Purse: Travis…what the fuck are you talking about?
Travis: I am talking ABOUT THE FUCKING PROBLEM AT THE MILL! GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!
Jeff Purse: Oh…ok man…settle down…
Travis: Good, I will see you soon.
Jeff Purse: Good. Oh, wait…where the hell is the old mill?
Travis: Its…on old mill road…duh. GPS it. What…do you live in the stone age? Geez.
Travis hangs up as Jeff scoffs. Now he had to go down to the old mill. This was strange that Travis was calling it the old mill, as it wasn’t even a mill that Jeff was familiar with enough to call it the ‘old’ mill. However, he got up, got dressed, and told Kari where he was off to.
Kari: The old mill?
Jeff Purse: Yeah…look I have no idea what he is talking about.
Kari: Well, if there is a problem at the old mill…then there is a problem at the old mill. I will come too.
Jeff Purse: I am sorry, I don’t know if you guys are doing something here, but when I wanted to do Ultimate Showdown Noire, you were against it.
Kari: That’s because that was a stupid and cheesy idea. This isn’t.
Jeff Purse: You know a lot of people enjoyed watching that.
Kari: No they didn’t.
Jeff Purse: So you admit this is something?
Kari: Don’t worry man. Chill.
Jeff Purse: Kari, I have known you for a few years now, we are engaged, and we have been through a lot together. Never have I ever heard you ever say anything like the words “don’t worry man, chill.”
Kari: I am mysterious Jeff.
Jeff Purse: You know I am not one to chill.
Kari: Come on Jeff.
Kari grabs his hand and pulls him outside. She gets in the passenger seat of his blacked out Lincoln Navigator, and Jeff gets in the driver seat. They take off down the road.
Kari: You don’t need GPS; I will tell you how to get there.
Jeff Purse: Ok. So is this a mill that is still in operation?
Kari: No. It’s abandoned.
Jeff comes to a screeching halt. He turns to Kari, who seems quite frazzled.
Kari: Jeff what the hell?
Jeff Purse: IT’S ABANDONDED!?
Kari: Yes.
Jeff Purse: Kari what the hell? What makes you think I would enjoy being in an abandoned building?
Kari: Well, because…
Jeff Purse: Could it be that it’s probably a disgusting mess in there? Could it be that there are probably a million spider webs every where? Maybe the fact that it probably smells like shit?
Kari: No, none of that is true.
Jeff Purse: IT’S ABANDONED!
Kari: Jeff, I know you. You already guessed that this is a thing…so why do you think I would let you enter a building that is dirty?
Jeff Purse:…oh…yeah…you are right I suppose. Ok.
He shrugs it off and begins driving again. Kari frantically begins texting someone. They take a couple of twists and turns and a couple of turns and twists. Finally, they arrive at the ‘old mill’. They park next to a turquoise and yellow van, on it are the words ‘Mysterious Van’. Standing next to it are a blonde guy with a white tee shirt, teal pants, and a pink scarf. A girl in a long purple dress and go go boots. A girl in an oversized sweater and black rimmed glasses. A guy who looks like he smokes way too much weed, in a large green tee shirt and khaki pants…and the Hump Day Camel.
Camel: HUMP DAY!!!
Jeff Purse: I hate that camel.
Kari: Jeff, this is the team that’s going to help you solve the old mill mystery.
Jeff Purse: What?
Travis joins them, coming out of the mill.
Travis: Jeff, I would like you to meet Ferd, Darphne, Shraggy, Velmer, and Scrooby Doo.
Jeff Purse: You mean Scoo-
Kari: No. He doesn’t. We couldn’t get the rights to that.
Jeff Purse: Isn’t that awesome.
Ferd: We are here to help you solve the mystery. Isn’t that right gang?
Darphne: Totally hot stuff.
Velmer: Jinkos, yes.
Shraggy: Like, totally dude.
Scrooby aka Hump Day Camel: WOOT WOOT!!
Jeff just shakes his head and face palms. This was a new low. He begins rubbing his temples. Kari notices the frustration in Jeff’s face and turns to the group…
Kari: Perhaps this wasn’t a good idea. Why don’t you guys take off?
Ferd: We still get paid right?
Kari: We will discuss that later.
Shraggy: Like…we better get paid dudette.
Travis: Ok, time to leave. Come on, come on.
Scrooby aka The Hump Day Camel: GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS!?!?
Travis: Its hump day buddy. Ok. Let’s go. Off with ya.
The ‘gang’ piles back into their van and take off. They weren’t still getting paid, but neither Kari nor Travis had the heart to tell them that. They would send them a text later. Travis and Kari stand in front of Jeff.
Travis: Ok dude, the mystery awaits you. In you go.
Kari: Come on Jeff.
She grabs his hand and pulls him into the mill. Jeff struggles a bit, the door looks moldy, and he doesn’t want to pretend to even touch it. Being careful, he is able to get by without touching, and comes into a room with full of pictures of all the WCF Superstars. It is obvious what is going on to him at this point…but before he can make any kind of statement about it. He goes forward and begins straightening all the pictures, as they are laid out in an askew manner.
Kari: I told him to make sure that didn’t happen.
Jeff Purse: They aren’t the same size. I don’t know if I should go big small or big too small or small too big. What do you think?
Kari: Big too small.
Jeff Purse: Ok.
He beings working as Kari sits in a chair placed along a wall, waiting. He works long and he works hard, rearranging and rearranging until the he finally feels comfortable with the way the pictures are laid out. He turns to Kari, who is now sleeping. There is no light shining in through the windows anymore. It is night time out side. Jeff shrugs and turns to the camera.
Jeff Purse: So I know what they were trying to do. It is a mystery who I will be facing this week. It’s a mystery what kind of match I am going to be in this week. This week is a mystery. I am saying mystery too much. Anyway the point is nobody knows who they are facing, and it’s a mystery that needs solving.
But here is the truth. I don’t care. Honestly it doesn’t matter who I am going to be against this week. Because in the tale of the Ten Little WCF Superstars, my journey toward Sarah Twilight’s destruction, the random superstar is number nine. That’s right. Mr. Jack Happy, you were not number nine, you will never be on my radar, but here you have a chance to redeem yourself and make yourself a part of my list. That little attack you decided I deserved last week, well, don’t think that you won’t be getting a payback for that one. Your shit is coming to you. However, it doesn’t matter anyway, because if Sarah is smart, she will put me against someone who actually has a chance against me.
See that’s how this federation is. There is people who can hang, and people who can’t hang. And while there is quite a few people who have come up out of the woodwork, and can hang, there are still a number of people who cannot. Where do I fall on that list? Well let’s look at it. I am one of the most popular superstars on the roster. And I know, a lot of people say ‘oh, popularity isn’t everything. Jeff wants everyone to like him. Blah blah blah.” Well you know what, that is true. That is exactly right actually. I am do want people to like me and know me. You know why?
Because I am that good. I want people to know how good I am, and respect me because of it. Because I am that good, and I deserve that kind of treatment. I deserve everything good that comes my way, and when bad things come my way…then yes, I probably do deserve that. But for everything that I have gotten that was bad that I didn’t deserve, well, let’s just say that this is my redemption. This week I get a chance to make up for every shitty thing that ever happened to me. And do I feel sorry for the sad sack who gets to face me? You bet I don’t. I have no remorse whatsoever.
Why? Well let’s start at this. They signed up for this when they signed that contract. That’s right, they decided they wanted to have their ass kicked by me the moment they put their name on that piece of paper. Reason number 2? To learn. It’s a good lesson for any WCF superstar to understand that they will not, WILL NOT use me as their ‘stepping stone’ to get somewhere. NOPE! I am not a stepping stone here in WCF. I am the final destination. I don’t not bow down to help others further their career. And finally, because I am that damn good and everyone in that locker room who doubts that, needs to have their asses handed to them by me. To teach them the less that yes, I am that damn good, and yes, I am the past, the present, and the FUTURE of this fucking company.
Who do I hope it’s going to be? Well, I selected one who I really hope I am going to get to face…though I know the odds of it are going to be slim. Jonny Fly.
He holds up a picture of Jonny and takes out a lighter.
Jeff Purse: It’s not because he is the World Champion. That doesn’t matter to me. It doesn’t matter that having a win over Jonny Fly is good for someone’s career. That doesn’t matter to me. It isn’t because Jonny is the epitome of cocky and to get a W over him would be the best thing in the world to rub in his fucking face. No, that doesn’t matter to me. Here is the reason I want it to be Jonny Fly. Because he is the reason Pantheon went under. He thinks I am the reason, but really, it is Jonny Fucking Fly. The dynasty. The biggest son of a bitch I had ever met. I hitched my fucking wagon to this guy, and I believed in this guy, and I TRUSTED THIS FUCKING GUY! And he came back and fucked me over. And as Sarah Twilight and Eric Price and the plethora of people who have fucked with me before can tell you DON’T FUCK ME OVER!
As for everyone else? Well there is some good talent who I would like go up against. They will give me a good practice before Sarah Twilight’s ultimate demise. Chelsea Black Armstrong. That girl is on fire. I am sure she would like a rematch, and honestly I wouldn’t mind a rematch. She is good. Matthew Robinson, another guy who I wouldn’t mind giving a rematch too. Oblivion, I have beat him before, I will beat him again. Eric…well…I would love to see him in the ring again. Logan…you bet your ass I would like a win against him. Everyone on this roster has the potential to be number nine.
Because there is only nine little WCF Superstars left. I give luck to everyone, because everyone is going to need it. Welcome to the Future, WCF.
