Post by Mr. Jack Happy on Nov 22, 2013 0:43:41 GMT -5
(Our scene fades in on Happyhouse. Going to the backside of Happy-.....
...
...Oh, I see how this is going to be. EVERY FREAKIN TIME. I can just hear you now. 'I ain't going anywhere NEAR Happy's backside. Bwahahahahaha.' This is ridiculous! I don't get paid enough for this shit. Hell, what am I saying? I don't get paid AT ALL.
ANYWAYS!
Going to the back of HappyHouse, specifically the pool, we find the MONSTROUSLY MASSIVE form of WCF Superstar Mr. Happy in his persona of Hapzilla. He's got on his black and yellow rubberized Godzilla suit on. Around his arms there are floaties. Surrounding him are dozens of toy boats. To his right, is an oriental man with an UNCANNY resemblence to Pat Morita. He has a belt looped around his forehead, a Camera in his hand, and a pink toy noodle between his legs. Yeah, I said it. STOP LAUGHING! Jerks.
Moments later, Hank Brown joins them in the pool. He's got on a snorkel, frogman fin shoes, and a microphone wrapped up in a plastic bag. Carefully wading in, he then doggy paddles over to where they're at. After catching his breath, he then speaks...)
"Mr. Happy I'm glad I can-"
"Hahaha. Silly Round-eye. Hapzilla-san no understand the words you speak. I will translate! Hey, do you like my belt? I got it at JC Penny."
"For $3.98?"
"Hunh? No. $7.87. Where do you get belts for that price? It's not even Black Friday yet. You got any other good deals?
"
(Hank continues on, unfazed.)
"Hapzilla, many people within the WCF are curious as to why you confronted Jeff Purse this past Sunday at Slam. Your response?"
("Pat" nods and then leans in to Hapzilla's ear as he speaks.)
"Oooohh...Playstation 4! Touchscreen controller! Ramen noodles! BONZAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"REEEEAAARRRNNNHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Very insightful Hapzilla-san. He say that when Jeff Purse made fun of him not fitting in, he also made fun of everyone else that doesn't 'fit in' to today's 'norms.' He say that Jeff Purse is a confused man. Jeff say that he's 10 matches away from Sarah Twilight, but when he fight Hapzilla, Jeff say that he not in the 10. And what about John Barber? Is Cracker....hehe...is Cracker not in 10 either? Maybe Jeff need to go back to school and learn to count. Or maybe Jeff need to learn to tell truth. Or maybe...just maybe, reason why Jeff like playing with Indians so much is because he's nothing but a SQUAW!!!!!!!!!!"
(Hapzilla stops splashing the water to turn to Pat. He looks at him as if to say, 'What the hell? How did you come up with ALL OF THAT?!?!?!' After a few seconds, Hapzilla shrugs and nods as if to say that is EXACTLY what he said.)
"Hapzilla, we noticed that you came out to a new song as well as a new entrance. Rumor has it that you might be turning over a new leaf. Your thoughts?"
(Pat nods and translates...)
"Lady Gaga! Ribbed for her pleasure! Cheech and Chong! KAWASAKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Hapzilla ducks under the water. Seconds later, he does a dramatic, slow-motion, emergence from the water. Pat yells "HAPZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and points in his general direction as he takes a Polaroid picture (Outkast's 'Hey Yeah!' briefly plays in the background). Hapzilla splashes the water around a bit more emphatically and then nods to Pat as if to translate.)
"Hahaha. Hapzilla-san make funny. He say that he needed to metaphorically break through the crystal glass ceiling that people like Sarah and Jeff try to put on the 'unfit.' And he will keep doing that from here on out. As to the song, it was just a different track. You should know that Hapzilla's train is always running off the track. Haha. See? He make funny. He always make me laugh....at least, as long as he doesn't sink battleship. Then, not so funny."
"Hapzilla, this coming Sunday at Slam, you could be fighting anyone. Anything is possible. You could even become a champion. How do you feel about going into an unknown environment?"
"Cheap Japanese Theater! Subaru! BELUSHI SAMURAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"REAAARRRRNNNHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
(Hapzilla then smacks his chest with his hands and starts to dance. His rubber tail sends Pat flying as Hank looks on awkwardly. As Hapzilla finishes his dance, he turns around and doesn't see Pat anywhere to translate. He drops his head, crestfallen, and shrugs his shoulders. Hank gives him a consoling pat and then replies...)
"I think I get what you're saying Hapzilla. With numerous variables as well as an unknown environment, you plan on coming out BIG at Slam. You're every bit as random and unknown as what the WCF is putting its superstars through at Slam. Jokers, much like yourself are wild, and you plan on running the deck. And should a title be your's for the taking, then the largest lovehandles the WCF has ever seen will have a torrid love affair with whatever gold you will be laying claim to. Toasters, Indians, and belts OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(At that point, Pat manages to swim back over to the duo. His eyes are wide in shock and he's holding onto his noodle for dear life.)
"You....you speak Hap-i-nese?!?!?!? You trick me round-eye! Lucky for us both that I still have...."
(As he looks down, he sees one of his prized toy boats start to sink.)
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Hapzilla sank my battleship!!!!!!! Oh, it sad day for mankind. Sad sad day for us all. Monster is emerging from watery depths and he crush us like a burrito!"
(At that point, Hapzilla looks stunned. He reaches over and grabs Pat's noodle. Pat looks shocked. Hank reaches into his finned shoe and pulls out a pair of wet Happyshades. Putting them over Hapzilla, he watches as Hapzilla does his trademark, MONSTER SIZED, scared flinch and deadpanning into Pat's fearful eyes. Hank replies...)
"Yes Hapzilla. I think he is joking. Seriously."
(And with that, they all melodramatically turn their gazes towards the camera. They look scared. Suddenly, we see a few bubbles form around Happy and the sunken ship rises back to the surface. Pat looks down and smiles broadly before whiffing the air and sinking into the water. Hapzilla looks at Hank, who nods as we hear one final....)
"REEARRRRNNHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Our scene fades out.)
...
...Oh, I see how this is going to be. EVERY FREAKIN TIME. I can just hear you now. 'I ain't going anywhere NEAR Happy's backside. Bwahahahahaha.' This is ridiculous! I don't get paid enough for this shit. Hell, what am I saying? I don't get paid AT ALL.
ANYWAYS!
Going to the back of HappyHouse, specifically the pool, we find the MONSTROUSLY MASSIVE form of WCF Superstar Mr. Happy in his persona of Hapzilla. He's got on his black and yellow rubberized Godzilla suit on. Around his arms there are floaties. Surrounding him are dozens of toy boats. To his right, is an oriental man with an UNCANNY resemblence to Pat Morita. He has a belt looped around his forehead, a Camera in his hand, and a pink toy noodle between his legs. Yeah, I said it. STOP LAUGHING! Jerks.
Moments later, Hank Brown joins them in the pool. He's got on a snorkel, frogman fin shoes, and a microphone wrapped up in a plastic bag. Carefully wading in, he then doggy paddles over to where they're at. After catching his breath, he then speaks...)
"Mr. Happy I'm glad I can-"
"Hahaha. Silly Round-eye. Hapzilla-san no understand the words you speak. I will translate! Hey, do you like my belt? I got it at JC Penny."
"For $3.98?"
"Hunh? No. $7.87. Where do you get belts for that price? It's not even Black Friday yet. You got any other good deals?
"(Hank continues on, unfazed.)
"Hapzilla, many people within the WCF are curious as to why you confronted Jeff Purse this past Sunday at Slam. Your response?"
("Pat" nods and then leans in to Hapzilla's ear as he speaks.)
"Oooohh...Playstation 4! Touchscreen controller! Ramen noodles! BONZAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"REEEEAAARRRNNNHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Very insightful Hapzilla-san. He say that when Jeff Purse made fun of him not fitting in, he also made fun of everyone else that doesn't 'fit in' to today's 'norms.' He say that Jeff Purse is a confused man. Jeff say that he's 10 matches away from Sarah Twilight, but when he fight Hapzilla, Jeff say that he not in the 10. And what about John Barber? Is Cracker....hehe...is Cracker not in 10 either? Maybe Jeff need to go back to school and learn to count. Or maybe Jeff need to learn to tell truth. Or maybe...just maybe, reason why Jeff like playing with Indians so much is because he's nothing but a SQUAW!!!!!!!!!!"
(Hapzilla stops splashing the water to turn to Pat. He looks at him as if to say, 'What the hell? How did you come up with ALL OF THAT?!?!?!' After a few seconds, Hapzilla shrugs and nods as if to say that is EXACTLY what he said.)
"Hapzilla, we noticed that you came out to a new song as well as a new entrance. Rumor has it that you might be turning over a new leaf. Your thoughts?"
(Pat nods and translates...)
"Lady Gaga! Ribbed for her pleasure! Cheech and Chong! KAWASAKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Hapzilla ducks under the water. Seconds later, he does a dramatic, slow-motion, emergence from the water. Pat yells "HAPZILLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and points in his general direction as he takes a Polaroid picture (Outkast's 'Hey Yeah!' briefly plays in the background). Hapzilla splashes the water around a bit more emphatically and then nods to Pat as if to translate.)
"Hahaha. Hapzilla-san make funny. He say that he needed to metaphorically break through the crystal glass ceiling that people like Sarah and Jeff try to put on the 'unfit.' And he will keep doing that from here on out. As to the song, it was just a different track. You should know that Hapzilla's train is always running off the track. Haha. See? He make funny. He always make me laugh....at least, as long as he doesn't sink battleship. Then, not so funny."
"Hapzilla, this coming Sunday at Slam, you could be fighting anyone. Anything is possible. You could even become a champion. How do you feel about going into an unknown environment?"
"Cheap Japanese Theater! Subaru! BELUSHI SAMURAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"REAAARRRRNNNHHHH!!!!!!!!!"
(Hapzilla then smacks his chest with his hands and starts to dance. His rubber tail sends Pat flying as Hank looks on awkwardly. As Hapzilla finishes his dance, he turns around and doesn't see Pat anywhere to translate. He drops his head, crestfallen, and shrugs his shoulders. Hank gives him a consoling pat and then replies...)
"I think I get what you're saying Hapzilla. With numerous variables as well as an unknown environment, you plan on coming out BIG at Slam. You're every bit as random and unknown as what the WCF is putting its superstars through at Slam. Jokers, much like yourself are wild, and you plan on running the deck. And should a title be your's for the taking, then the largest lovehandles the WCF has ever seen will have a torrid love affair with whatever gold you will be laying claim to. Toasters, Indians, and belts OH MY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(At that point, Pat manages to swim back over to the duo. His eyes are wide in shock and he's holding onto his noodle for dear life.)
"You....you speak Hap-i-nese?!?!?!? You trick me round-eye! Lucky for us both that I still have...."
(As he looks down, he sees one of his prized toy boats start to sink.)
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Hapzilla sank my battleship!!!!!!! Oh, it sad day for mankind. Sad sad day for us all. Monster is emerging from watery depths and he crush us like a burrito!"
(At that point, Hapzilla looks stunned. He reaches over and grabs Pat's noodle. Pat looks shocked. Hank reaches into his finned shoe and pulls out a pair of wet Happyshades. Putting them over Hapzilla, he watches as Hapzilla does his trademark, MONSTER SIZED, scared flinch and deadpanning into Pat's fearful eyes. Hank replies...)
"Yes Hapzilla. I think he is joking. Seriously."
(And with that, they all melodramatically turn their gazes towards the camera. They look scared. Suddenly, we see a few bubbles form around Happy and the sunken ship rises back to the surface. Pat looks down and smiles broadly before whiffing the air and sinking into the water. Hapzilla looks at Hank, who nods as we hear one final....)
"REEARRRRNNHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Our scene fades out.)
