Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2013 2:09:56 GMT -5
The American flag in scratchy black and white film waved in the background as a distorted speaker voice played over it.
Voice Over: Good morning America! You and your sexy sexy freedom!
A simplistic cartoon drawing of boy and his dog faded going slowly frame of them playing like a cheap Korean animation import.
Voice Over: Look at lil’ Jimmy over there and his dog ‘Justice’.
The boy waved up to the omnipresent voice.
Voice Over: Hello there Jeremy. Jeremy is an average American boy. Plays ball, eats hotdogs, watches fireworks and wears a tinfoil hat to block out the evil terrorist brain washing ray.
The boy places a tinfoil hat on his head and then the dog’s.
Voice Over: Good job lil’ Jason. That should show those silly communists. But what Jimmy doesn’t realize is even though he is protected, not everyone is as smart as he is. So we need to teach those no good Nazis a lesson.
The boy looked confused as a question mark appeared over his head.
Voice Over: Don’t worry Johnny. It isn’t very difficult. All you need is to go down to your local recruiting station, sign a few papers and have an unusual bordering-on-fetish love for your country.
The boy was then dressed in military attire, helmet and all, as he carried around a rifle with a bayonet at the end.
Voice Over: And then off lil’ Jackson goes to some Middle-Eastern country where he will fend off the treachery of BEAR NINJAS.
The boy gets frightened and jumps behind a rock that fades onto the screen. He peered over the protection with his dog still beside him, mimicking his ever move.
Voice Over: Don’t worry Toby, you’re safe if you have America in your heart and bleed red, white, and blue. Those dirty Canadians won’t know what hit them.
The boy comes out from behind the rock, standing tall and proud as he salutes to no one in particular. Suddenly the boy’s mother and father faded into the picture.
Voice over: Don’t forget to tell your parents good bye and that you love them and if you are under eighteen, tell them you are heading off to summer camp and should be back in a month or two. And when summer is over and they get worried, tell them giant robots attacked the camp and are holding you hostage with little hope of negotiation and that they better just move on in their life with out you…they’ll understand.
The boy hugged his parents then returned back to marching as they faded out of frame.
Voice Over: Even Fido can fight for his country. Thanks to recent advances in technology, our super American scientists made a rocket launcher you can strap to good ol’ Spike’s back. So even if your platoon gets captured and endangers America’s superdy-duper top top top secret plans, you can go out with a bang.
The dog appeared with a bazooka and helmet attached to him. The boy smiled happily as he marched beside his dog. A sign appeared that read ‘Enemy Secret Headquarters Ahead’. The boy grabbed his radio but a cartoon Gable faded in shaking his head and snatched the walky-talky.
Voice Over: Not so fast there Davey boy. Calling for back up might seem like the right thing to do but it could be hours before they arrive and by then the enemy could unleash their ultimate weapon…
DUN DUN DUUUN!!!
Gable handed the boy a SMG as they both had cartoonishly wide smiles.
Voice Over: That’s right Gable, you are probably better off going in alone like a hero…war heroes always manage to pick up chicks with their wheelchair action! Being an extreme, against the book soldier is the single most honorable thing one can do.
The boy ran out of frame, followed by his dog. Explosions could be heard along with guns and yelling. Cartoon Gable watched, sometimes turning his head away as the dog bark. Then suddenly silence. Gable shrugged and marched on.
Voice Over: It’s okay Gable. There are plenty more lil’ Adams out there to defend this great nation of ours.
Cartoon Gable wiped the sweat of his brow as he gave a thumbs up and another smile.
Voice Over: Just remember Gable, when you drive alone, you are riding with Hitler and when you are riding with Hitler, you are riding with all his other sexual partners…and that is terrorism and we can’t allow that. So go out and buy some war bonds today because America needs your help or else you will never ever ever get to heaven where the roads are gold and the girls are pretty…take…me…hooooome yeah yeah.
The boy reappeared as an angel and bumped fists with cartoon Gable.
Voice Over: good job Daniel!
Gable kept on walking with musical notes floated around his lips as he was visually shown whistling. There was another sign that said ‘landmines ahead’.
Voice Over: Uh-oh Gable, looks like trouble ahead. How are we gonna get passed this one?
Gable scratched the side of his head for a few seconds until he pointed up in revelation and a light-bulb appeared over his head. He runs out of frame and returns with a cartoon Seth Dominics giving a thumbs up as he was gripped like he was about to be tossed.
Voice Over: Good thinking, Gable. Always remember kids that war is serious business and that not all of you are going to make it back. So as long as statistics aren’t in your favor, take one for the team and let the real important soldiers move on to do some real work.
Gable tossed Seth into the feel, but when he hit the ground nothing happened. Gable looked puzzled. He stepped forward and felt around with his foot to make sure the next step was safe one and once he got his confidence back, he took a second, less conscious, step forward then…
BOOM!!!
An explosion rose up as burns covered his whole front.
Voice Over: Haha, isn’t War a blast?
Gable shook off the dust and marched forward when all of a sudden Ninja bears swooped into the frame. They surrounded Gable but Gable took a crane stance.
Voice Over: How smart by Gable. He uses the fact that the Ninja Bear’s natural predator is the Kenpo Krane!
The Ninja Bears yelped and ran off as Gable smiled in victor. He took a few steps further and came to a golden statuette on top of a stone pedestal.
Voice Over: Why look at that, Gable. It’s the lost Idol of the Switzerland made out of Nazi gold.
Gable started to reach for it but was interrupted by the voice over.
Voice Over: Hold on there, Gable. There could be a trap!
Gable pondered for a moment before reaching another revelation. He grabbed a bag out of his pocket and started to fill it with sand. He switched the statuette with the bag of sand. But as Gable celebrated, the pedestal lowered and revealed a giant robot.
Voice Over: Oh no Gable. It’s those pesky commie-bots.
Gable got back into crane stands and flew up to the head of the robot. He floated there for a few seconds before giving a swift kick to the face, turning the whole head around. The robot collapsed to the ground and Gable stood there victorious.
Voice Over: And America wins again. GO TEAM!
Dun-nananana-naaaa bum buuuuuuuum. AMERICA IS AWESOME! YEAH!
Uncle Sam walked into frame and gave Gable a chest bump while the Statue of liberty laid at his legs like Princess Leia in the post. Gable raised the golden prize high in the air and let the light hit it, causing it to shine brilliantly.
Voice Over: Goodnight America, and remember…Freedom has to work hard to remain this sexy.
(Fin)
Voice Over: Good morning America! You and your sexy sexy freedom!
A simplistic cartoon drawing of boy and his dog faded going slowly frame of them playing like a cheap Korean animation import.
Voice Over: Look at lil’ Jimmy over there and his dog ‘Justice’.
The boy waved up to the omnipresent voice.
Voice Over: Hello there Jeremy. Jeremy is an average American boy. Plays ball, eats hotdogs, watches fireworks and wears a tinfoil hat to block out the evil terrorist brain washing ray.
The boy places a tinfoil hat on his head and then the dog’s.
Voice Over: Good job lil’ Jason. That should show those silly communists. But what Jimmy doesn’t realize is even though he is protected, not everyone is as smart as he is. So we need to teach those no good Nazis a lesson.
The boy looked confused as a question mark appeared over his head.
Voice Over: Don’t worry Johnny. It isn’t very difficult. All you need is to go down to your local recruiting station, sign a few papers and have an unusual bordering-on-fetish love for your country.
The boy was then dressed in military attire, helmet and all, as he carried around a rifle with a bayonet at the end.
Voice Over: And then off lil’ Jackson goes to some Middle-Eastern country where he will fend off the treachery of BEAR NINJAS.
The boy gets frightened and jumps behind a rock that fades onto the screen. He peered over the protection with his dog still beside him, mimicking his ever move.
Voice Over: Don’t worry Toby, you’re safe if you have America in your heart and bleed red, white, and blue. Those dirty Canadians won’t know what hit them.
The boy comes out from behind the rock, standing tall and proud as he salutes to no one in particular. Suddenly the boy’s mother and father faded into the picture.
Voice over: Don’t forget to tell your parents good bye and that you love them and if you are under eighteen, tell them you are heading off to summer camp and should be back in a month or two. And when summer is over and they get worried, tell them giant robots attacked the camp and are holding you hostage with little hope of negotiation and that they better just move on in their life with out you…they’ll understand.
The boy hugged his parents then returned back to marching as they faded out of frame.
Voice Over: Even Fido can fight for his country. Thanks to recent advances in technology, our super American scientists made a rocket launcher you can strap to good ol’ Spike’s back. So even if your platoon gets captured and endangers America’s superdy-duper top top top secret plans, you can go out with a bang.
The dog appeared with a bazooka and helmet attached to him. The boy smiled happily as he marched beside his dog. A sign appeared that read ‘Enemy Secret Headquarters Ahead’. The boy grabbed his radio but a cartoon Gable faded in shaking his head and snatched the walky-talky.
Voice Over: Not so fast there Davey boy. Calling for back up might seem like the right thing to do but it could be hours before they arrive and by then the enemy could unleash their ultimate weapon…
DUN DUN DUUUN!!!
Gable handed the boy a SMG as they both had cartoonishly wide smiles.
Voice Over: That’s right Gable, you are probably better off going in alone like a hero…war heroes always manage to pick up chicks with their wheelchair action! Being an extreme, against the book soldier is the single most honorable thing one can do.
The boy ran out of frame, followed by his dog. Explosions could be heard along with guns and yelling. Cartoon Gable watched, sometimes turning his head away as the dog bark. Then suddenly silence. Gable shrugged and marched on.
Voice Over: It’s okay Gable. There are plenty more lil’ Adams out there to defend this great nation of ours.
Cartoon Gable wiped the sweat of his brow as he gave a thumbs up and another smile.
Voice Over: Just remember Gable, when you drive alone, you are riding with Hitler and when you are riding with Hitler, you are riding with all his other sexual partners…and that is terrorism and we can’t allow that. So go out and buy some war bonds today because America needs your help or else you will never ever ever get to heaven where the roads are gold and the girls are pretty…take…me…hooooome yeah yeah.
The boy reappeared as an angel and bumped fists with cartoon Gable.
Voice Over: good job Daniel!
Gable kept on walking with musical notes floated around his lips as he was visually shown whistling. There was another sign that said ‘landmines ahead’.
Voice Over: Uh-oh Gable, looks like trouble ahead. How are we gonna get passed this one?
Gable scratched the side of his head for a few seconds until he pointed up in revelation and a light-bulb appeared over his head. He runs out of frame and returns with a cartoon Seth Dominics giving a thumbs up as he was gripped like he was about to be tossed.
Voice Over: Good thinking, Gable. Always remember kids that war is serious business and that not all of you are going to make it back. So as long as statistics aren’t in your favor, take one for the team and let the real important soldiers move on to do some real work.
Gable tossed Seth into the feel, but when he hit the ground nothing happened. Gable looked puzzled. He stepped forward and felt around with his foot to make sure the next step was safe one and once he got his confidence back, he took a second, less conscious, step forward then…
BOOM!!!
An explosion rose up as burns covered his whole front.
Voice Over: Haha, isn’t War a blast?
Gable shook off the dust and marched forward when all of a sudden Ninja bears swooped into the frame. They surrounded Gable but Gable took a crane stance.
Voice Over: How smart by Gable. He uses the fact that the Ninja Bear’s natural predator is the Kenpo Krane!
The Ninja Bears yelped and ran off as Gable smiled in victor. He took a few steps further and came to a golden statuette on top of a stone pedestal.
Voice Over: Why look at that, Gable. It’s the lost Idol of the Switzerland made out of Nazi gold.
Gable started to reach for it but was interrupted by the voice over.
Voice Over: Hold on there, Gable. There could be a trap!
Gable pondered for a moment before reaching another revelation. He grabbed a bag out of his pocket and started to fill it with sand. He switched the statuette with the bag of sand. But as Gable celebrated, the pedestal lowered and revealed a giant robot.
Voice Over: Oh no Gable. It’s those pesky commie-bots.
Gable got back into crane stands and flew up to the head of the robot. He floated there for a few seconds before giving a swift kick to the face, turning the whole head around. The robot collapsed to the ground and Gable stood there victorious.
Voice Over: And America wins again. GO TEAM!
Dun-nananana-naaaa bum buuuuuuuum. AMERICA IS AWESOME! YEAH!
Uncle Sam walked into frame and gave Gable a chest bump while the Statue of liberty laid at his legs like Princess Leia in the post. Gable raised the golden prize high in the air and let the light hit it, causing it to shine brilliantly.
Voice Over: Goodnight America, and remember…Freedom has to work hard to remain this sexy.
(Fin)
