Post by Deleted on Sept 14, 2013 19:52:08 GMT -5
Following a temporary hiatus from in-ring competition to focus on his gubernatorial reelection bid in the People's Republic of Poon Guinea, former champion Bobby Cairo has announced that he will return to action at the 9/22 edition of Slam. Cairo spoke to reporter Eva Mendes at a bar in downtown Poontown earlier today and made his intentions perfectly clear.
Bobby: "I understand the frustrations of wrestling fans, the true fans of the pure art form of professional wrestling that I epitomize. When I returned to the ring in Philadelphia last month it was understood that Cairo and Balfore would be making a run at the Tag Titles. Unfortunately this idiot Sarah Palin decided to challenge me for the governorship of Poon Guinea and so I made the decision to hit the campaign trail and nip that shit in the bud right off the rip.
"After I jobberkill Palin in the election on Monday and celebrate with a premium selection of hookers and blow, I will turn the brunt of my focus toward wrestling-related activities. This begins with a return to competition on Slam. I have not spoken with EPPW management because frankly speaking EPPW management can suck my biggety biggety balls, but it goes without saying that when Bobby Cairo demands wrestling match Bobby Cairo receives wrestling match.
"As for my opponent, I don't really have a preference. I have unfinished business with those Southern-fried pedophiles Doc Henry and Waylon Cash, but then I also think Ana Valentine is a rather gaping cunt who needs to be smashed by the thickness. I guess you could say there's a broad range of possibilities. Of course Slam is small potatoes, target practice for a man of my glorious penis and renowned stature. The real fun will begin at WAR when I tactically and methodically pick apart the whole of the EPPW roster to claim the World Championship for the second time in my career."
At this point Cairo downed half a dozen shots of Morgan and carried Eva Mendes into the restroom to smash the poon properlike.
Bobby: "I understand the frustrations of wrestling fans, the true fans of the pure art form of professional wrestling that I epitomize. When I returned to the ring in Philadelphia last month it was understood that Cairo and Balfore would be making a run at the Tag Titles. Unfortunately this idiot Sarah Palin decided to challenge me for the governorship of Poon Guinea and so I made the decision to hit the campaign trail and nip that shit in the bud right off the rip.
"After I jobberkill Palin in the election on Monday and celebrate with a premium selection of hookers and blow, I will turn the brunt of my focus toward wrestling-related activities. This begins with a return to competition on Slam. I have not spoken with EPPW management because frankly speaking EPPW management can suck my biggety biggety balls, but it goes without saying that when Bobby Cairo demands wrestling match Bobby Cairo receives wrestling match.
"As for my opponent, I don't really have a preference. I have unfinished business with those Southern-fried pedophiles Doc Henry and Waylon Cash, but then I also think Ana Valentine is a rather gaping cunt who needs to be smashed by the thickness. I guess you could say there's a broad range of possibilities. Of course Slam is small potatoes, target practice for a man of my glorious penis and renowned stature. The real fun will begin at WAR when I tactically and methodically pick apart the whole of the EPPW roster to claim the World Championship for the second time in my career."
At this point Cairo downed half a dozen shots of Morgan and carried Eva Mendes into the restroom to smash the poon properlike.
