Post by Jeff Purse on Sept 13, 2013 13:55:09 GMT -5
It can be liberating to get fired because you realize the world doesn’t end. There’s other ways to make money, better jobs.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
The scene opens with Jeff driving his pitch black Lincoln Navigator down the streets of Reading. He is wearing his usual, aviator sunglasses, backwards monster hat, perfectly center, a blue shirt with the words “The Future” written across the chest in white, jagged, lightning bolt lettering, blue jeans and white sneakers. He is talking on his cell phone.
Jeff Purse: No, Kari, I told you I need to be able to get into the arena, and I can’t keep buying tickets. No I know, but…they are too expensive Kari. I figure this is the best way for me to get in there, make a little cash on the side, and…what? No its not because I need money. No Kari, you know I don’t need money. No I am not going to go back to riding BMX for the time being, I have been wrestling too long and…what? Yeah I am doing thirteen. Yes I am going to destroy her. Bet on it. Ok, I am here, I will call you back after. Ok…love you too…bye.
He ends the call and shakes his head, opening his door and getting out of his car. He is at EPPW (formerly WCF) Headquarters. He walks in the front doors, to be greeted by security. Clearly, they have been warned not to let him in. However, these two security guards, while big in mass, seem to be stupid. Like Bee Bop and Rocksteady from the classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoons. Those cartoons are so cool. For the sake of this argument, they were pretty much Bee Bop and Rocksteady.
Bee Bop: Hey, what do you think you are doing you little wimp?
Rocksteady: Yeah, you Purse freak!
Jeff Purse: Um…I have a job interview here today.
Rocksteady: Oh yeah, sure you do.
Bee Bop: Get out of here before we make you sad you ever showed up!
Jeff Purse: Call Mr. O’Neil. He will tell you.
Bee Bop: …ok. You wait right here. I will go call him.
Bee Bop walks away to go call Mr. O’Neil, Rocksteady stays with Jeff, making sure he doesn’t go anywhere.
Rocksteady: So…you hate germs or something right?
Jeff Purse: That’s right. Astute observation.
Rocksteady: Don’t use your five dollar words with me, ya wimp.
Jeff Purse: Look, first of all, I am not a ‘wimp’. Second of all, Astute isn’t a ‘five dollar word’. You have the brain of a Rhino don’t you?
Rocksteady: Shut up twerp!
Bee Bop comes back, after getting off the phone.
Bee Bop: Alright guy, you are free to go, but no funny business or else you will have us to deal with.
Jeff Purse: Yeah…ok…whatever. Kowabunga and whatnot.
Jeff walks away from the two, smiling, they both look at each other and scratch their heads. Jeff enters the elevator, and sooner than you would believe, he was in the office of Mr. O’Neil, the man who ran the vendor program. Jeff on this day, was interviewing to be a popcorn vendor at all the EPPW shows. He sat down across from Mr. O’Neil, but first made sure to straighten Mr. O’Neil’s tie and shirt.
Jeff Purse: Much better.
Mr. O’Neil: Yeah…ok. Anyway, Jeff, why on earth would you like to be a popcorn vendor?
Jeff Purse: I like popcorn. And I like vending. And my buddy Jay has a lot of good recipes for popcorn. And…
Jeff’s phone rings, he looks at it.
Jeff Purse: Oh, that’s actually him calling now. Hold on. Hello?
Geico Camel: HUMP DA-
Jeff hangs up.
Jeff Purse: Er…wrong number.
Mr. O’Neil: Well Jeff, I would be stupid to not give you this job. I mean, You will probably sell more popcorn than anyone, so your commission should be through the roof and-
Jeff Purse: Wait, commission?
Mr. O’Neil: Yeah, you make commission selling popcorn.
Jeff Purse: The popcorn is only $1.50.
Mr. O’Neil: Yeah, and you make twenty cents a sale. So, do you want the job or what?
Jeff Purse: Sure. I will need it to confront Eric. Especially after I beat the fuck out of Sarah Twilight.
Mr. O’Neil: Yeah, whatever. Welcome to the team!
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Jeff is shown outside of his farm, looking over his uniform for his upcoming job as a popcorn vendor. The colors clash…this upsets him. He sits down in a porch swing, shaking his head. Finally, he looks at the camera…
Jeff Purse: You know, I hate things that clash. Or that don’t match. Or that are uneven. And do you know what clashes, what doesn’t match, and what is uneven? The marriage of Sarah Twilight to Eric Price. That is the biggest mismatch I have ever seen in my life. In one corner, you have a feeble minded woman who can’t accomplish anything on her own and is a class act BITCH. The other one is Sarah Twilight. I mean, lets be serious, we all know who wears the pants in that relationship…Sarah Twilight. The manliest man in all of WCF. And I get the pleasure of knocking that bitch down to size at thirteen. I don’t know if Corey Black knew that I wanted a chance to expose Twilight for what she really is…a man, or if he just knew I wanted to destroy her. Either way, I am pretty damn happy about the situation.
Last time Twilight and I met, she got the best of me. Its understandable though. I was just coming off of a relationship with a dude I thought was a woman, and I was still recovering from getting run over by a FUCKING CAR! So yeah, it was a little obvious that I might have lost that one. But this time, I have the advantage. See, I have been off now for a week, since being fired, and have had nothing to do but prepare for this match against that stupid bitch. I have been doing endurance training, strength training, practicing my falls, practicing getting hit with the Twilight Zone, and overall preparing for Twilights newest finishing move, the dick slap. Where she slaps you with her giant dick. Its quite disgusting, really. Meanwhile, Twilight has been busy preparing to be the perfect groom for her bride, Eric Price. She has been getting ready to walk down the isle, only to be on that long list of people who have their nuts squeezed by their wife.
But seriously, Twilight isn’t going to be ready for this fight. She doesn’t know exactly what I have been going through since she beat me those few months ago. She doesn’t know that I have been haunted by the fact that I was beaten by that conniving bitch. I have been watching the tapes over and over again so I don’t make the same mistakes I did before. I have been training to make sure I don’t end up in the same positions I was in before. I am ready for this match. Meanwhile, Twilight has been busy wrestling other people. Ever since Corey announced Thirteen, I have only been focused on Sarah Twilight.
Twilight, you are the black sheep of WCF. You are the bitch of EPPW. And you will forever be a man etched in my and Corey Blacks mind. You are a hell of a wrestler. You are the first female champion, and you have only been on fire since your return here in WCF. But all of that, your success, your fortitude, your everything, all of it is going to mean nothing, because Thirteen is a different dance. Thirteen isn’t like any WCF event. Thirteen is the place where I finally lay you out on your fucking back. I mean, not that you haven’t been on your back before, I am sure you are really used to being on your back…but not because someone is laying over you for the one two three.
Twilight tries to convince everyone she is some psychopathic, evil, insane, crazy person. But really? Are you really Twilight? Are you really so generic? I mean, an evil, psychopathic, crazy person is pretty much every ‘bad’ guy in WCF. There has to be more there, but Twilight is afraid. That’s right people, Twilight is afraid. Every week, I went out there, and I showed everyone who I was. I am a guy who loves to wrestle, I suffer from OCD, and I am a likeable guy. I never pretend to be anything I am not, and I never try to make it seem like I am something I am not. Twilight is the poster child for doing just that. She is boring. She has no personality. She is afraid to show people who she really is. And boring, generic cowards don’t get anyway in this business.
Twilight, I hope you are ready, because I am. Welcome to The Future.
The scene fades black.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
The scene opens with Jeff driving his pitch black Lincoln Navigator down the streets of Reading. He is wearing his usual, aviator sunglasses, backwards monster hat, perfectly center, a blue shirt with the words “The Future” written across the chest in white, jagged, lightning bolt lettering, blue jeans and white sneakers. He is talking on his cell phone.
Jeff Purse: No, Kari, I told you I need to be able to get into the arena, and I can’t keep buying tickets. No I know, but…they are too expensive Kari. I figure this is the best way for me to get in there, make a little cash on the side, and…what? No its not because I need money. No Kari, you know I don’t need money. No I am not going to go back to riding BMX for the time being, I have been wrestling too long and…what? Yeah I am doing thirteen. Yes I am going to destroy her. Bet on it. Ok, I am here, I will call you back after. Ok…love you too…bye.
He ends the call and shakes his head, opening his door and getting out of his car. He is at EPPW (formerly WCF) Headquarters. He walks in the front doors, to be greeted by security. Clearly, they have been warned not to let him in. However, these two security guards, while big in mass, seem to be stupid. Like Bee Bop and Rocksteady from the classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle cartoons. Those cartoons are so cool. For the sake of this argument, they were pretty much Bee Bop and Rocksteady.
Bee Bop: Hey, what do you think you are doing you little wimp?
Rocksteady: Yeah, you Purse freak!
Jeff Purse: Um…I have a job interview here today.
Rocksteady: Oh yeah, sure you do.
Bee Bop: Get out of here before we make you sad you ever showed up!
Jeff Purse: Call Mr. O’Neil. He will tell you.
Bee Bop: …ok. You wait right here. I will go call him.
Bee Bop walks away to go call Mr. O’Neil, Rocksteady stays with Jeff, making sure he doesn’t go anywhere.
Rocksteady: So…you hate germs or something right?
Jeff Purse: That’s right. Astute observation.
Rocksteady: Don’t use your five dollar words with me, ya wimp.
Jeff Purse: Look, first of all, I am not a ‘wimp’. Second of all, Astute isn’t a ‘five dollar word’. You have the brain of a Rhino don’t you?
Rocksteady: Shut up twerp!
Bee Bop comes back, after getting off the phone.
Bee Bop: Alright guy, you are free to go, but no funny business or else you will have us to deal with.
Jeff Purse: Yeah…ok…whatever. Kowabunga and whatnot.
Jeff walks away from the two, smiling, they both look at each other and scratch their heads. Jeff enters the elevator, and sooner than you would believe, he was in the office of Mr. O’Neil, the man who ran the vendor program. Jeff on this day, was interviewing to be a popcorn vendor at all the EPPW shows. He sat down across from Mr. O’Neil, but first made sure to straighten Mr. O’Neil’s tie and shirt.
Jeff Purse: Much better.
Mr. O’Neil: Yeah…ok. Anyway, Jeff, why on earth would you like to be a popcorn vendor?
Jeff Purse: I like popcorn. And I like vending. And my buddy Jay has a lot of good recipes for popcorn. And…
Jeff’s phone rings, he looks at it.
Jeff Purse: Oh, that’s actually him calling now. Hold on. Hello?
Geico Camel: HUMP DA-
Jeff hangs up.
Jeff Purse: Er…wrong number.
Mr. O’Neil: Well Jeff, I would be stupid to not give you this job. I mean, You will probably sell more popcorn than anyone, so your commission should be through the roof and-
Jeff Purse: Wait, commission?
Mr. O’Neil: Yeah, you make commission selling popcorn.
Jeff Purse: The popcorn is only $1.50.
Mr. O’Neil: Yeah, and you make twenty cents a sale. So, do you want the job or what?
Jeff Purse: Sure. I will need it to confront Eric. Especially after I beat the fuck out of Sarah Twilight.
Mr. O’Neil: Yeah, whatever. Welcome to the team!
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Jeff is shown outside of his farm, looking over his uniform for his upcoming job as a popcorn vendor. The colors clash…this upsets him. He sits down in a porch swing, shaking his head. Finally, he looks at the camera…
Jeff Purse: You know, I hate things that clash. Or that don’t match. Or that are uneven. And do you know what clashes, what doesn’t match, and what is uneven? The marriage of Sarah Twilight to Eric Price. That is the biggest mismatch I have ever seen in my life. In one corner, you have a feeble minded woman who can’t accomplish anything on her own and is a class act BITCH. The other one is Sarah Twilight. I mean, lets be serious, we all know who wears the pants in that relationship…Sarah Twilight. The manliest man in all of WCF. And I get the pleasure of knocking that bitch down to size at thirteen. I don’t know if Corey Black knew that I wanted a chance to expose Twilight for what she really is…a man, or if he just knew I wanted to destroy her. Either way, I am pretty damn happy about the situation.
Last time Twilight and I met, she got the best of me. Its understandable though. I was just coming off of a relationship with a dude I thought was a woman, and I was still recovering from getting run over by a FUCKING CAR! So yeah, it was a little obvious that I might have lost that one. But this time, I have the advantage. See, I have been off now for a week, since being fired, and have had nothing to do but prepare for this match against that stupid bitch. I have been doing endurance training, strength training, practicing my falls, practicing getting hit with the Twilight Zone, and overall preparing for Twilights newest finishing move, the dick slap. Where she slaps you with her giant dick. Its quite disgusting, really. Meanwhile, Twilight has been busy preparing to be the perfect groom for her bride, Eric Price. She has been getting ready to walk down the isle, only to be on that long list of people who have their nuts squeezed by their wife.
But seriously, Twilight isn’t going to be ready for this fight. She doesn’t know exactly what I have been going through since she beat me those few months ago. She doesn’t know that I have been haunted by the fact that I was beaten by that conniving bitch. I have been watching the tapes over and over again so I don’t make the same mistakes I did before. I have been training to make sure I don’t end up in the same positions I was in before. I am ready for this match. Meanwhile, Twilight has been busy wrestling other people. Ever since Corey announced Thirteen, I have only been focused on Sarah Twilight.
Twilight, you are the black sheep of WCF. You are the bitch of EPPW. And you will forever be a man etched in my and Corey Blacks mind. You are a hell of a wrestler. You are the first female champion, and you have only been on fire since your return here in WCF. But all of that, your success, your fortitude, your everything, all of it is going to mean nothing, because Thirteen is a different dance. Thirteen isn’t like any WCF event. Thirteen is the place where I finally lay you out on your fucking back. I mean, not that you haven’t been on your back before, I am sure you are really used to being on your back…but not because someone is laying over you for the one two three.
Twilight tries to convince everyone she is some psychopathic, evil, insane, crazy person. But really? Are you really Twilight? Are you really so generic? I mean, an evil, psychopathic, crazy person is pretty much every ‘bad’ guy in WCF. There has to be more there, but Twilight is afraid. That’s right people, Twilight is afraid. Every week, I went out there, and I showed everyone who I was. I am a guy who loves to wrestle, I suffer from OCD, and I am a likeable guy. I never pretend to be anything I am not, and I never try to make it seem like I am something I am not. Twilight is the poster child for doing just that. She is boring. She has no personality. She is afraid to show people who she really is. And boring, generic cowards don’t get anyway in this business.
Twilight, I hope you are ready, because I am. Welcome to The Future.
The scene fades black.
