Post by Deuce on Aug 31, 2013 13:52:01 GMT -5
(Take a regular tube sock. You’ll probably want to make sure it’s clean based on the fact that your hand will be entering it. Or hell, grab any sock and take your chances on athlete’s foot on your knuckles. Either way, you now have a sock, which is the body basis for our little project. Take a couple of ping-pong balls and color little green eyes on them. Drawing eyelashes on them is optional. Find where the ‘eyes’ will go on your puppet and glue them there. Now your puppet can ‘see.’ Still following, Jordy?)
(Next, take a red sharpie marker and draw a few freckles under the puppet’s ‘eyes.’ Continue with the marker and draw a ‘mouth.’ You are almost done! Now, glue some red yarn, corkscrew thread, or any other craft type felt you have found in your mom’s basement, Eli, and voila’!)
(You now have your very own Socky Twilight! And that is where we find ourselves. Deuce is sitting on his couch, vegging out in front of the TV while Socky Twilight is on his left hand, also ‘watching’ TV. They seem to be commenting upon the show, but as previously seen, Deuce isn’t great at ventriloquism. The camera stays off of Deuce’s mouth when Socky ‘speaks’ as much as possible.)
Deuce: I think what you’re failing to remember is Sheldon has a twin sister who isn’t a genius.
‘Socky’: Yeah, but them titties ain’t retarded!
Deuce: I know, right?
(This parade of lunacy is mercifully broken up by a gentle knock at the door leading into the room. A figure in a snappy purple blazer stands there, with a matching briefcase, and seems to have an air of seriousness about him. Deuce turns Socky towards the door and makes her ‘smile.’)
‘Socky’: Oo-OO-ooh, he’s cute!
(Deuce, without turning himself, raises his other hand unencumbered by a sock. He motions the mystery man in.)
Deuce: Intrude!
(Also, Deuce made that ridiculous statement. Sometimes, I forget who I’m dealing with. Anyw--)
[Deuce: Yeah you do.]
(Deuce, I’m going to need you to behave yourself for just a minute.)
[Deuce: Or what?]
(Do you remember that scene of George of the Jungle, where the bad guys argued with the narrator?)
[Deuce: Point taken. Proceed.]
(Ahem, as I was saying…)
Roger: I am Roger Nelson. The head offices sent me over, saying you were looking for an assistant, and I was just wondering if you had a moment to go over my resume’?
(Deuce rolls himself off the couch and reaches out with his empty hand. Roger places a folder in it but seems a bit put-off by the sock puppet, which has never left eye-contact with him.)
Deuce: Don’t mind Socky…she is like What’s-Her-Name from the Teen Girl Squad.
Roger: Teen Gir--…
‘Socky’: I HAVE A CRUSH ON EVERY BOY!
(Roger opens his mouth to say something but wisely thinks better of it. Deuce scans over the contents of the folder, humming over parts and then, just as quickly, tosses it on top of a stack on an end table.)
Deuce: Okay, we’ll be in touch.
Roger: That’s all? You don’t have any questions for me…or anything?
Deuce: Nope.
‘Socky’: I got a couple…
Deuce: Your vote, much like your namesake, doesn’t count, Socky.
(Roger turns to leave as Deuce plops back to the couch. Right before he exits, Nelson turns back to the sock-puppet maneuvering wrestler.)
Roger: Out of curiosity, what are you planning to do with all the applications you seem to be receiving?
Deuce: (without looking up) Dunno. Perhaps I’ll cut a promo as the judge of a reality contest. Super Sloppy Double Dare type physical challenges and then at the end, I’m thinking I’ll make Socky be my assistant. Who better to be my right hand than someone who needs my right hand to exist?
Roger: (entering the room) I don’t mean to be rude, but is this all just a big joke to you?
Deuce: (making eye contact with Roger) Yes.
Roger: Do you have a problem with people or something?
Deuce: Well, I AM in a profession where I fight people for a living.
Roger: But it’s obvious to me that you are just happiest without anyone. Weren’t you hiring an assistant to replace Frank Longley, Jr.? By your own admission, the only friend you had?
Deuce: I don’t think that is any of your business as to the why. But I am a bit intrigued as to what your entire purpose here is. Don’t think I didn’t clock you when you walked in, Purple Vein.
(Roger, the former jobber from an episode of Wednesday Night Feedback (coming back to a Wednesday near you soon!) shrugs.)
Deuce: Did Frank send you here as his revenge for me apparently ‘outing him’ on Internet-ual air waves?
Roger: Look, I am a former wrestler of this company, yes, but I just think you have such more potential than you use. My end game is not to put you in a position of vulnerability. I just feel if we work over your image, you can be something more.
(Deuce ponders this for a moment before Socky up and ‘whispers’ something to him. He nods.)
Deuce: Alright…I will give you a shot, Vein. Lord knows I’m tired of Shannon Lerch asking when I’m going to dress like a Centaur as ring attire. While I think she means Centurion, she may very well want me to wear a horse dong.
Roger: Thank you, Deuce! First things first, meet me at the head offices in an hour.
(Deuce shakes the hand of Roger and Socky places a small kiss on Roger’s cheek. Roger, to his credit, doesn’t recoil or wipe it off immediately. This gives Socky hope.)
(Next, take a red sharpie marker and draw a few freckles under the puppet’s ‘eyes.’ Continue with the marker and draw a ‘mouth.’ You are almost done! Now, glue some red yarn, corkscrew thread, or any other craft type felt you have found in your mom’s basement, Eli, and voila’!)
(You now have your very own Socky Twilight! And that is where we find ourselves. Deuce is sitting on his couch, vegging out in front of the TV while Socky Twilight is on his left hand, also ‘watching’ TV. They seem to be commenting upon the show, but as previously seen, Deuce isn’t great at ventriloquism. The camera stays off of Deuce’s mouth when Socky ‘speaks’ as much as possible.)
Deuce: I think what you’re failing to remember is Sheldon has a twin sister who isn’t a genius.
‘Socky’: Yeah, but them titties ain’t retarded!
Deuce: I know, right?
(This parade of lunacy is mercifully broken up by a gentle knock at the door leading into the room. A figure in a snappy purple blazer stands there, with a matching briefcase, and seems to have an air of seriousness about him. Deuce turns Socky towards the door and makes her ‘smile.’)
‘Socky’: Oo-OO-ooh, he’s cute!
(Deuce, without turning himself, raises his other hand unencumbered by a sock. He motions the mystery man in.)
Deuce: Intrude!
(Also, Deuce made that ridiculous statement. Sometimes, I forget who I’m dealing with. Anyw--)
[Deuce: Yeah you do.]
(Deuce, I’m going to need you to behave yourself for just a minute.)
[Deuce: Or what?]
(Do you remember that scene of George of the Jungle, where the bad guys argued with the narrator?)
[Deuce: Point taken. Proceed.]
(Ahem, as I was saying…)
Roger: I am Roger Nelson. The head offices sent me over, saying you were looking for an assistant, and I was just wondering if you had a moment to go over my resume’?
(Deuce rolls himself off the couch and reaches out with his empty hand. Roger places a folder in it but seems a bit put-off by the sock puppet, which has never left eye-contact with him.)
Deuce: Don’t mind Socky…she is like What’s-Her-Name from the Teen Girl Squad.
Roger: Teen Gir--…
‘Socky’: I HAVE A CRUSH ON EVERY BOY!
(Roger opens his mouth to say something but wisely thinks better of it. Deuce scans over the contents of the folder, humming over parts and then, just as quickly, tosses it on top of a stack on an end table.)
Deuce: Okay, we’ll be in touch.
Roger: That’s all? You don’t have any questions for me…or anything?
Deuce: Nope.
‘Socky’: I got a couple…
Deuce: Your vote, much like your namesake, doesn’t count, Socky.
(Roger turns to leave as Deuce plops back to the couch. Right before he exits, Nelson turns back to the sock-puppet maneuvering wrestler.)
Roger: Out of curiosity, what are you planning to do with all the applications you seem to be receiving?
Deuce: (without looking up) Dunno. Perhaps I’ll cut a promo as the judge of a reality contest. Super Sloppy Double Dare type physical challenges and then at the end, I’m thinking I’ll make Socky be my assistant. Who better to be my right hand than someone who needs my right hand to exist?
Roger: (entering the room) I don’t mean to be rude, but is this all just a big joke to you?
Deuce: (making eye contact with Roger) Yes.
Roger: Do you have a problem with people or something?
Deuce: Well, I AM in a profession where I fight people for a living.
Roger: But it’s obvious to me that you are just happiest without anyone. Weren’t you hiring an assistant to replace Frank Longley, Jr.? By your own admission, the only friend you had?
Deuce: I don’t think that is any of your business as to the why. But I am a bit intrigued as to what your entire purpose here is. Don’t think I didn’t clock you when you walked in, Purple Vein.
(Roger, the former jobber from an episode of Wednesday Night Feedback (coming back to a Wednesday near you soon!) shrugs.)
Deuce: Did Frank send you here as his revenge for me apparently ‘outing him’ on Internet-ual air waves?
Roger: Look, I am a former wrestler of this company, yes, but I just think you have such more potential than you use. My end game is not to put you in a position of vulnerability. I just feel if we work over your image, you can be something more.
(Deuce ponders this for a moment before Socky up and ‘whispers’ something to him. He nods.)
Deuce: Alright…I will give you a shot, Vein. Lord knows I’m tired of Shannon Lerch asking when I’m going to dress like a Centaur as ring attire. While I think she means Centurion, she may very well want me to wear a horse dong.
Roger: Thank you, Deuce! First things first, meet me at the head offices in an hour.
(Deuce shakes the hand of Roger and Socky places a small kiss on Roger’s cheek. Roger, to his credit, doesn’t recoil or wipe it off immediately. This gives Socky hope.)
