Post by tommykain on Sept 29, 2012 13:50:59 GMT -5
Disappointment is a real motherfucker good people.
They day your favorite TV show gets cancelled.
The day you realize that Lil' Wayne is considered by some a greater entertainer than THE Elvis Presley let alone an entertainer at all.
That one Christmas when you got a GOT DAMNED TIE!
Oh yeah and the day you realize that the wrestling company you work for is just like every other damn company. A basic class system full of haves and have nots. A place where several individuals keep bumping their damn heads on a ceiling made of glass and just ain't got enough sense to realize it.
And that's not even to mention the morons that run around suffering from severe delusions of grandeur.
So it stands to reason that as TK sat in the locker room waiting to find out his order of entry into what is really no more than just an overblown Battle Royal with a fancy name and extra cheese, he looks less than pleased.
At that point we see the blue haired Hero of Hemp, the King of Cannabis, the Warlord of Weed, popping his head into the screen, seemingly concerned at the disgruntled look on his fellow Misfit's face.
Why so glum chum?
TK just continued staring at the wall in front of him. Every so often breaking up the monotony with a deep breath or a sigh.
Dude are you still pissed we ran out of booze?
No, because I'm never out of booze. I keep spare bottles everywhere. Closets, in my boots, Christ on a Ritz Bitz man I've swapped out my windshield wiper fluid with Bacardi 151 just in case.
Okay, then what's your damn deal? Is it that GOAT beat you in NCAA football like three times yesterday?
It was four times actually, but I told you, he was cheating so no I'm not mad about that either.
Dude if you don't tell me what's up you're gonna force me to do something you'll regret.
TK looks straight into Johnny Stylez eyes with an intensity that could warm a small planet.
Don't......Even.....Think.....About.......It Stylez, I swear to God...
That's it, you asked for it. Time for Texting and Facebook speak.
Like OMG TK, I mean I'm like SMH about you sitting here being all FML. I mean YOLO ya know.........
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FUCKIN QUIT, SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE MAKING MY BRAIN BLEED!
I'LL TALK, I'LL TALK, CHRIST ON A JUMBO JET I'LL TALK!
Well then.
Look man, its this damn Pay Per View.
You mean WAR?
Don't call it that.
Well that's the name of the damn thing, what in the hell am I supposed to call it. Fuckin' WCF presents "LEMON PARTY"
Nope cuz, naked, gay, old dudes in a hot tub would be less offensive than what's about to go down in a few hours. The fact that the WCF has hyped this thing up to the point that The Internet Wrasslin Community and Smart Marks everywhere have been lubing themselves up all week for an overhyped Cluster of all fucks is bad enough.
But they even managed to get the entire roster to buy into this giant load, and have been able to do it for years.
Since those collective bags of Douche and Steroids up in Stamford made the idea of a Giant, timed, Battle Royal famous, every damn company in the U.S. and most of the rest of the world has provided their answer. Once a year the bigwigs go out and they make the entire roster feel like that for one night, everybody is playing on the same field. That everything is even and that anything can happen.
And its all a giant, steaming, industrial sized crock of the foulest smelling fecal matter ever produced.
But somehow John, Somehow each and every year people buy into it. I mean take this year for example. The second they announced the participants dudes came out of the woodwork like ants at a Got Damned Picnic.
Dudes who have been here for weeks and have yet to utter a syllable like Chris "Cocky" Guy. I mean besides the fact that this dude has one of the worst wrestling names ever, what in the holiest of all fuck alls makes this dude think he has a chance?
Propaganda and salesmenship, thats what.
I can see it now, Ol' Lerchie calls him on the phone and hands him a nice verbal slap and tickle about how great a talent he is, how much potential he has, and how this PPV could shoot him right to the top. All the damn while knowing full and knowing well this kid ain't got a prayer if he walked around with the Bible, a Quaran, and whatever Mormons read.
But Chris Guy ain't the only one.
What about Adam Young?
What about Joel Hall?
Are you kidding me?
Are you absolutely, positively, fucking serious?
I mean Joel Hall's career highlight is beating me in the opening of a PPV that nobody remembers and Adam Young's biggest achievement in this business is being a backseat driver to a few Tag Title Reigns.
But yet the company has managed to convince them that they are more than just over the top rope fodder too. Both of these Yahoos all over the airwaves, along with TEK and God knows who else shooting off their mouths about what they are going to do and who better stay out of their way. Because they really believe they have a shot at this thing and I'm tellin ya bro, it's Got Damned pathetic.
But if you really wanna know how far this bullcrap has taken people, just check the work ethic around the company.
Guys who normally can't bother to stand in front of a camera and say a damn word before an hour or two before bell time have even bothered to show up early in the week and tell us all about how their time is now. Dude's whose favorite strategy is usually wait til the absolute last minute so they can get the absolute last word have broken from tradition and actually showed up to the game. This whole Battle Royal must be some kind of special.
But not everybody.
There were actually a few guys this week who made a valid point or two, not many, but a few. Guys who show up week in and week out and do it big every time they get a chance.
But I don't think they get it either.
You see I've been in wars in this business.
I've been stabbed.
I've been doused in gasoline and almost set on fire.
I've had my car blown up when I was supposed to be in it.
And these wars took a helluva lot more to end than just throwing somebody over the top rope.
That's why I don't think you can call this match a WAR.
Its simply just another tool to re affirm the pecking order around here. To make sure the dudes at the top know who they are and to make sure the dudes at the bottom don't forget where they belong. Now I know what I'm saying ain't gonna be popular. I fully expect that more than a few souls will have more than a few words for Good ol' TK. But I absolutely dare them to prove that I'm wrong, that I'm not speaking the absolute truth.
Now I'm gonna go out there when I'm called. I'll throw a few punches and I'll take a few, then I'll be a victim when some monster clears the ring or when some sneaky crook tosses me over the top when I'm not paying attention or hell, I might just hop over the top rope on my own because honestly, I got wayyyyyy bigger fish to fry.
Because you see Johnny, there is a WAR coming to the WCF and it ain't no battle royal and it ain't no cute little name to up a buyrate or sell a few more posters. Nope, its gonna be a bloody, damn struggle between two opposing forces.
An occurrence that will turn this joint upside down and inside out.
Now everybody knows I love movies and there is a quote that I think the upper echelon of the WCF should pay real close attention to. They should write it in their diaries and tattoo it to the inside of their eyelids.
There is a storm coming and you and your friends better batten down the hatches Seth, because when it hits you and your flunkies are gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large for so long and leave so little for the rest.
Now I realize that it might be kind of long to fit in one eyelid but maybe if you go real small you can get it on both.
Either way, when it goes down, I don't want anybody to say they weren't warned well in advance.
They day your favorite TV show gets cancelled.
The day you realize that Lil' Wayne is considered by some a greater entertainer than THE Elvis Presley let alone an entertainer at all.
That one Christmas when you got a GOT DAMNED TIE!
Oh yeah and the day you realize that the wrestling company you work for is just like every other damn company. A basic class system full of haves and have nots. A place where several individuals keep bumping their damn heads on a ceiling made of glass and just ain't got enough sense to realize it.
And that's not even to mention the morons that run around suffering from severe delusions of grandeur.
So it stands to reason that as TK sat in the locker room waiting to find out his order of entry into what is really no more than just an overblown Battle Royal with a fancy name and extra cheese, he looks less than pleased.
At that point we see the blue haired Hero of Hemp, the King of Cannabis, the Warlord of Weed, popping his head into the screen, seemingly concerned at the disgruntled look on his fellow Misfit's face.
Why so glum chum?
TK just continued staring at the wall in front of him. Every so often breaking up the monotony with a deep breath or a sigh.
Dude are you still pissed we ran out of booze?
No, because I'm never out of booze. I keep spare bottles everywhere. Closets, in my boots, Christ on a Ritz Bitz man I've swapped out my windshield wiper fluid with Bacardi 151 just in case.
Okay, then what's your damn deal? Is it that GOAT beat you in NCAA football like three times yesterday?
It was four times actually, but I told you, he was cheating so no I'm not mad about that either.
Dude if you don't tell me what's up you're gonna force me to do something you'll regret.
TK looks straight into Johnny Stylez eyes with an intensity that could warm a small planet.
Don't......Even.....Think.....About.......It Stylez, I swear to God...
That's it, you asked for it. Time for Texting and Facebook speak.
Like OMG TK, I mean I'm like SMH about you sitting here being all FML. I mean YOLO ya know.........
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! FUCKIN QUIT, SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE MAKING MY BRAIN BLEED!
I'LL TALK, I'LL TALK, CHRIST ON A JUMBO JET I'LL TALK!
Well then.
Look man, its this damn Pay Per View.
You mean WAR?
Don't call it that.
Well that's the name of the damn thing, what in the hell am I supposed to call it. Fuckin' WCF presents "LEMON PARTY"
Nope cuz, naked, gay, old dudes in a hot tub would be less offensive than what's about to go down in a few hours. The fact that the WCF has hyped this thing up to the point that The Internet Wrasslin Community and Smart Marks everywhere have been lubing themselves up all week for an overhyped Cluster of all fucks is bad enough.
But they even managed to get the entire roster to buy into this giant load, and have been able to do it for years.
Since those collective bags of Douche and Steroids up in Stamford made the idea of a Giant, timed, Battle Royal famous, every damn company in the U.S. and most of the rest of the world has provided their answer. Once a year the bigwigs go out and they make the entire roster feel like that for one night, everybody is playing on the same field. That everything is even and that anything can happen.
And its all a giant, steaming, industrial sized crock of the foulest smelling fecal matter ever produced.
But somehow John, Somehow each and every year people buy into it. I mean take this year for example. The second they announced the participants dudes came out of the woodwork like ants at a Got Damned Picnic.
Dudes who have been here for weeks and have yet to utter a syllable like Chris "Cocky" Guy. I mean besides the fact that this dude has one of the worst wrestling names ever, what in the holiest of all fuck alls makes this dude think he has a chance?
Propaganda and salesmenship, thats what.
I can see it now, Ol' Lerchie calls him on the phone and hands him a nice verbal slap and tickle about how great a talent he is, how much potential he has, and how this PPV could shoot him right to the top. All the damn while knowing full and knowing well this kid ain't got a prayer if he walked around with the Bible, a Quaran, and whatever Mormons read.
But Chris Guy ain't the only one.
What about Adam Young?
What about Joel Hall?
Are you kidding me?
Are you absolutely, positively, fucking serious?
I mean Joel Hall's career highlight is beating me in the opening of a PPV that nobody remembers and Adam Young's biggest achievement in this business is being a backseat driver to a few Tag Title Reigns.
But yet the company has managed to convince them that they are more than just over the top rope fodder too. Both of these Yahoos all over the airwaves, along with TEK and God knows who else shooting off their mouths about what they are going to do and who better stay out of their way. Because they really believe they have a shot at this thing and I'm tellin ya bro, it's Got Damned pathetic.
But if you really wanna know how far this bullcrap has taken people, just check the work ethic around the company.
Guys who normally can't bother to stand in front of a camera and say a damn word before an hour or two before bell time have even bothered to show up early in the week and tell us all about how their time is now. Dude's whose favorite strategy is usually wait til the absolute last minute so they can get the absolute last word have broken from tradition and actually showed up to the game. This whole Battle Royal must be some kind of special.
But not everybody.
There were actually a few guys this week who made a valid point or two, not many, but a few. Guys who show up week in and week out and do it big every time they get a chance.
But I don't think they get it either.
You see I've been in wars in this business.
I've been stabbed.
I've been doused in gasoline and almost set on fire.
I've had my car blown up when I was supposed to be in it.
And these wars took a helluva lot more to end than just throwing somebody over the top rope.
That's why I don't think you can call this match a WAR.
Its simply just another tool to re affirm the pecking order around here. To make sure the dudes at the top know who they are and to make sure the dudes at the bottom don't forget where they belong. Now I know what I'm saying ain't gonna be popular. I fully expect that more than a few souls will have more than a few words for Good ol' TK. But I absolutely dare them to prove that I'm wrong, that I'm not speaking the absolute truth.
Now I'm gonna go out there when I'm called. I'll throw a few punches and I'll take a few, then I'll be a victim when some monster clears the ring or when some sneaky crook tosses me over the top when I'm not paying attention or hell, I might just hop over the top rope on my own because honestly, I got wayyyyyy bigger fish to fry.
Because you see Johnny, there is a WAR coming to the WCF and it ain't no battle royal and it ain't no cute little name to up a buyrate or sell a few more posters. Nope, its gonna be a bloody, damn struggle between two opposing forces.
An occurrence that will turn this joint upside down and inside out.
Now everybody knows I love movies and there is a quote that I think the upper echelon of the WCF should pay real close attention to. They should write it in their diaries and tattoo it to the inside of their eyelids.
There is a storm coming and you and your friends better batten down the hatches Seth, because when it hits you and your flunkies are gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large for so long and leave so little for the rest.
Now I realize that it might be kind of long to fit in one eyelid but maybe if you go real small you can get it on both.
Either way, when it goes down, I don't want anybody to say they weren't warned well in advance.
