Post by Odin Balfore on Sept 27, 2012 0:14:48 GMT -5
“ BITCH DON’T MAKE ME TELL YOU AGAIN”
* Can be heard, muffled from outside. *
Odin: Oh, Conrad. He has your temper. Loretta, you were married once, right? What was your husbands name again?
WHAM!
* Conrad’s front door gets kicked in. *
“ Sorry I’m late, ma. The bus got stranded in Kentucky an I had to sell Alice off for repairs.”
Conrad: ZOMBIE!?
Zombie: Conrad? What the fuck are you doin in my mothers house?
Conrad: The question is what the hell are You doing in MY house!?
Odin: Sup ZMAC?
Zombie: Sup, Odin.
Conrad: you knew about this the entire time? Why didn’t you tell me?
Odin: Gee, it’s pretty fuckin Obvious.
Conrad: No it’s not! Ya know what.. Fuck this..
* Conrad starts to walk away into the other room, cursing to himself.*
Loretta: Bear, where are you going?
Zombie: Yah, Bear. Where you be at?
Conrad: This is bullshit! I’m going to get my gun an I’m going to end it all. I’m going to get my shot gun, put it in my mouth and blow my brains out. Just like I did to Kurt cobaine.
Odin: You know that when you die, I automatically get your money right? I did a lot more then just sign over an old identity to you.
* Just then it clicked in Conrad’s mind why Odin had put him in mortal danger so many times. So many near death experiences.. For money. He taught The Nordic Tank very well over the years. *
Conrad: I’m not giving you the satisfaction of my death!
Odin: Then what do you suppose we do about our little standoff.?
Conrad: The time machine!
Zombie: Holy shit!? You got a time machine.
Odin: Yah, that’s how you were conceived. Conrad traveled back through time, fought a raccoon to the death a bunch of times and banged your mother. But I banned it and hid it away in a storage locker in Bransen, Missouri.
.Loretta: And do what; exactly? Go back in time and convince yourself to loan yourselves money?
Odin: I just got a got a great idea. We’ll go back in time and convince ourselves to loan us money!
Conrad: Do you honestly think you’d believe a man lookin like you claiming to be from the future is really you? And that you’d really loan him money?
Odin: Absolutely not, I’d think he was you. What about you? You could loan yourself money.
Conrad: I would loan Zombie money before I loaned myself money.
Loretta: See I told ya its all about money an schemes.
Conrad: Shut up Loretta! The men are talking. So what do you wana do?
Odin: I want my money.
Conrad: Then you’re on your own with that. I’m not going back in time again. O’ no. Not after last time.
Odin: Come on. It’ll be fun.
* Last time Odin told Conrad that, they got arrested for disorderly at a McDonalds play ground. About a month ago. So, fun? Fun’s not the word. However Conrad thinks it over, if at the very least to stop Odin from signing over the Curtis identity to him and screwing this up in the first place. The gears twist an turn in Conrad’s mind as he puts the bloodied stump of a hand to his chin an weighs the options. He looks at Odin and thinks back on fifteen year torment. A gun to his head while he slept wasn’t such a bad idea now that he thinks about it. Then Conrad's eyes shift to Zombie… where’s Zombie?*
“ Give it to me papi, give it to me! “
* The moan and chants of Acid Alice echo down onto the first floor. Zombie an Alice havin snuck off to purge their primal urges. *
Conrad: Son of a bitch!
*Conrad storms off past Loretta an Odin. *
Loretta: Where you goin, Bear?
* Conrad turns to her with his nostrils flaring. *
Conrad: To do what I should have done YEARS ago.
Loretta: Take him, you two never do anything together.
* Conrad looks around. *
Conrad: you bet your ass I’m takin Odin, he got me in this mess in the first place.
Loretta: no! you idiot! Our son! You never do anything with him.
Conrad: Loretta, up until today, just right now- I didn’t even know I had a son. And right now he’s up stairs, on my good linen having martial’s with that dog faced gremlin he calls a girlfriend.
Loretta: Be nice!
Conrad: You’re right. That waas too harsh to all the dog faced gremlins out there.
* Suddenly Zombie just appears out of no where behind Conrad. *
Zombie: So where we goin… daaad…
* Zombie chimes in with a creepy an low pitched voice. Conrad turns and grabs his heart in shock, nearly dropping to a knee. Heart attack imminent, close but not today. *
Conrad: Ronald H Reagan! How the hell did you sneak up on me like that?
* Zombie shrugs.*
Zombie: I dunno. Oblivion touched me in my special purpose an I can just do stuff like that. It’s pretty useful.
* Zombie holds his finger to Conrad’s nose. *
Zombie: Does this smell like ether to you?
* Conrad takes a sniff and recoils, gagging viciously, nearly throwing up. *
Conrad: Dear god, what is that? Smells like rotting whale carcass mixed with vinegar.
Zombie: Sorry, Sorry… wrong one.
* Zombie extends his other hand an knocks Conrad out. Zombie looks at Odin, looking very pleased with his work. *
Zombie: Can we go fuck some cave man hookers?
Odin: After I get paid.
Zombie: Tits! Real tits!
____________________________________
U Haul - U Store - U Pay
Brenson, Missouri.
* Conrad, Odin and Zombie all stand in front of locker “ 69.”A locker hidden far away from the other units on the lot, the vegetation behind ir beginning to envelop it. It’s like find the lost arch, hidden away amongst hundreds of shipping containers. Conrad an Odin look at each other and nod as they each take a key out of their pocket and each insert them into two pad locks. *
CLICK - CLOCK- VVVLLIPPP
* They throw the rolling gate up and it crashes upwards as they two men set their eyes upon a relic that they’ve locked away seven years ago. *
Zombie: Looks like a port-o- shitter.
Odin: It’s suppose to.
Zombie: Why?
Odin: When ya gotta go, you gotta go.
Conrad: And I will NOT be stuck in a time warp, tryin to hold one back.
* The green port-a-potty stands majestic amidst Odin’s junk and rolled up Persian rugs that look especially bulky and out of place. There’s a large control panel jutting out of the side, the interface screen, black with out power. Conrad approaches it, each step stabbing him with flash backs of fighting Gilligan to the death but he walks up to the machine and flips a plastic in the back of the panel and flips a switch. Suddenly the machine comes to life, humming, buzzing and twinkling with colors. Odin opens the door that begins to fill up with a purple mist. Zombie approaches with cautions, running his fingers along the control panel with care as Conrad goes and stands behind Odin. *
Conrad: You commin’?
* Zombie interacts with the touch screen interface. As Odin and Conrad walk into the mist and begin to vanish*
Zombie: just a second.
* he access the time flux controls and adjusts it from “ linier “ to “ parallel. “ *
Zombie: See you in hell fat man.
* Zombie steps into the time machine, closing the door behind him, not knowing about that lies before him but honey badger truly doesn’t give a shit. *
______________________________________________
Staten Island, Michael Santiago’s house, 2009
* Conrad an Odin head up the walk way from the front of Michaels lawn and walk out to the door. Conrad stands off a bit as Odin clenches his fist and pounds on the door.
No answer.
He knocks again. Stanley, Santiago’s butler and father figure answers the door. *
Stanley: Yes?
Odin: Stanley, where am I right now?
Stanley: Pardon me?
Odin: Where am I right now?
* puzzled, Stanley answers a very obvious question. *
Stanley: Right in front me sir.
Odin: No, not me. ME.
* Odin points at himself, trying to stress that he’s talking about a different him. *
Stanley: I’m sorry sir, I don’t get the joke.
* Odin groans in frustration. *
Odin: Maverick, where’s Maverick?
Conrad: How do you not know where you are right now? How do you lose yourself?
Odin: How am I suppose to know?
* Conrads trigger finger itches as he resists the temptation to pull out his revolver from his chest holster. *
Stanley: Master Balfore is on the couch right now where he’s been for the past nine hours, watching a TV Land marathon and eating cereal. How a man can eat that much cereal is beyond me.
Odin: Great! Take me.. To me. I need to talk to myself.
Stanley: Funny, I thought you already were.
Conrad: Ain’t no different from any other day.
* Scoffs Conrad as Stanly leads Odin inside. *
Odin: You commin?
* Asks Odin, sticking his head throw the door way, half inside, half out. *
Conrad: I don’t need you in stereo, thank you very much.
Odin: I’ll let you punch past Maverick in the face if he gets out of line.
Conrad: deal!
* Conrad joins Odin and Stanley inside as they make their way into the living room to see Past Maverick watching tv and eating a bowl of cereal. Suddenly he gets an eerie feeling, like an outo f body experience as he cautiously looks up to see a large man standing over him, frightened he stands up, simultaneously throwing his bowl of cereal into the air.*
Past Maverick: Oh god!
* The cereal lands on Conrad. *
Conrad: NOOWW?
Odin: Wait a minute, you’re not me.
lifeinlegacy.com/2003/0215/HennigCurt.jpg
Odin: You’re like seven inches sorter then me and your hair… it’s blonde.
* Past mavericks eyes widen as he takes a step backwards then makes a b- line to his right and starts yelling for help. *
Maverick: Santi! Santi! I told you it’d happen. A giant Tranny is after me!
* Odin looks at Conrad whose trying to clean the cereal off of him. *
Odin: Do I have that look?
Conrad: you’re an idiot.
THUMP..THUMP..THUMP..
* A younger Santiago, with black hair tramples down the stairs, alerted to the uncharacteristic screams of Mavericks. *
Santiago: What’s the matter?
Maverick: The Trannies after me again!
Odin: Again?
* Odin mouths to himself.*
Odin: Did I do this before?
* Santiago comes down the stairs and walks into the living with maverick to look at the seven foot Odin standing there perplexed at the situation. *
Santiago: Oh shit, you’re right.
* Odin face palms himself as he looks back at where Conrad was just standing. *
Odin: Was I always like this, Conrad? .. Conrad?
“ AARRRHHHGGGG”
* Conrad’s screams followed by a pathetic sobbing can be heard from outside on the lawn. *
Santiago: What do you want?
* Like the ghost of Christmas future, Odin ominously points at Maverick. *
Odin:Sit.
* Odin says sternly, so much so that the thought of defying it withered and died. Santiago and Maverick sit on the couch and stare at the large man in front of them. *
Odin: Maverick. I need you, in the worst way.
Maverick: Santi, I need an adult.
Odin: Shut up! I am an adult..
* Odin thinks for a moment. *
Odin: I just sounded like Logan for a moment.. Maybe I AM becoming a tranny.
Santiago: What?
Odin: SHUT UP BOUDLE! …god.. Damn it.
Santiago: You better start explaining yourself. I don’t just take orders in my home from just about anyone.
Odin: you would from him and by him, I mean me. Maverick, I’m you from the future.
* maverick turns to Santiago.*
Maverick: I told you one day Conrad would pull this shit.
Odin: Conrads outside.
Santiago: I call bullshit.
Maverick: No.. he’s right. I can feel Conrad’s here.
Santiago: No he’s not. And I’m not about to get robbed by a seven foot tall grey haired tranny.
Odin: And this is why I had sex with all your girlfriends. And if you don’t believe me, call his cell, its still the same after all these years.
* enraged, Santiago screams at Maverick whose dialing Conrads phone. “ Hotel California “ by The Eagles can be heard playing outside. *
Conrad: FUCK YOU BOTH!
Maverick: How’d you know it was me, why would you still have this number in your phone.
Conrad: Because I hate the eagles…
Maverick: But that doesn’t make any sense.
Conrad: And because I hate you. Now get the other you and get your ass out here, right now!
Maverick: It really is him. Only one mans hatred of me would span time and space.
Odin: your damn right its him and I need your help. I got screwed out of TPA’s stock, I’m broke and Conrad got my identity stolen. You need to come back to twenty- twelve and give me a loan.
Maverick: Whats in it for me?
Odin: lets see, you won’t go broke in four years. But I need you sober. I need you at the top of the game, doing what we do best. No whiskey, no schemes with Gill.
Maverick: But drinking and Hanging with Gill is what I do best.
* Odin face palms himself again. *
Odin :There’s no way I could have been this dumb, even in a past life. Mav, Gill put us in this situation. I need you to come back with me.
Maverick: What’s in it for me?
Odin: I won’t tell them what you do with all that lotion.
Maverick: I have dry skin.
Odin: No we don’t.
Maverick: How does he know that?
Odin: Cuz I’m you, you dumb piece of shit! I used the time machine-
* Maverick yells, interrupting Odin. *
Maverick: I banned that thing!
Odin: And I un-banned it! You got a problem with it, come with me, if not, good luck being piss ass fuckin broke in four years. I really don’t think you wana beg Conrad for money cuz I sure as hell don’t! Look, I don’t care if you believe me or not. Hell, I wouldn’t believe me either but we are one in the same, why we look drastically different is beyond me but you are me. Now I’m getting my money back one way or the other, with or with out you.
* Odin gets in Mavericks face. *
Odin: With or with out you Mav, I’m getting paid, winning WAR XI and getting my god damn world title! So you got two options Mav, you can either help me or you can sit on your ass and watch TV.
Maverick: Well the wheel comes on in--
“ ARH… “
SLAM!
Santiago: My TV!
Odin: Sorry Santiago, I’d pay you back but I’m broke. Besides, I’l have done it last in a week or so.
* Maverick shakes his head in agreement. (
Maverick: It’s true, I planned on it.
Santiago: I hate you both. I swear to god. Get the hell out of my house!
Maverick: Dude, you just got me kicked out of my own house.
Santiago: This isn’t your house maverick!
Odin: you were getting kicked out anyway?
Maverick: Why?
Santiago: Cuz it’s NOT your house.
Maverick: Then whys my name on the deed?
Odin: That’s why! Now lets go.
* Odin scoops up Maverick who starts kicking and screaming and puts him over his shoulder.*
Maverick: Help! Rape! Rape!
*Odin walks out the house with him. Once outside he meets up with Conrad.*
Odin: Could you?
Conrad: It’d be my pleasure.
* Conrad rears back and cold cocks Maverick. Conrad smiles, having released fifteen years of anger in one good shot. *
Conrad: Well that felt good. So what now?
Odin: Well one thing is, WCF better watch out because if they thought that one Balfore was too much, then there is no way they can handle two. Last year I tied the record of eliminations, this year I intend to shatter it and get my world title shot. I know I’m the first entry but I don’t care. That just means that I get more of a chance to eliminate everyone from the match. Ain’t no one gonna stop me this time Conrad. I’ve been waiting all year to get my revenge on this match and cement my hall of fame induction. There ain’t anyone in this match big enough to knock me over the ropes an no one strong enough to hold me down for a solid three count. That’s what they gotta remember. I’m one, two , three, four. I’m every number, Conrad. I’m every number because this year, its not WAR Eleven. Simply put, it’s WAR BALFORE!
The locker can deny it all they want but they know that this year is my year. This is MY WAR. There are too many rookies, too many low level curtain jerker’s who’ve bearly made it into the mid card to even start thinking that they’ll challenge me for supremacy in this match. I’ll give me these guys one look and they’ll eliminate themselves. Hey can call it what they will, instinct, survival.. The best man. It’s just all irrelevant facts because I’m in them match.
I don’t care how tough someone thinks they are, how sick or hardcore. This match isn’t about those things. This match is simply about out smarting your opponent an I’m already miles ahead of them. We know this is a shot at one for the title. I’m sorry Conrad, who headlined ONE last year? So I don’t need the shit stains of WCF telling me the importance of this match because the importance of the match isn’t even the contender ship. it’s the match it’s self. Over fifty men have been world champion, countless others have been the number one contender. Only a handful have won WAR but this year I’m not just going to win it, I’m not going to redefine it, I’m going to own it. This year, this WAR, this WAR BALFORE will be the year remembered as the one where I set records, set the bar that much higher. it’s the year when everyone takes a look and says Balfore did all that. He went through thirty plus guys from the start. This is where I make my definitive mark as being the most dominant wrestler WCF will ever know.
Mark my words.
Ain’t nobody safe.
* Can be heard, muffled from outside. *
Odin: Oh, Conrad. He has your temper. Loretta, you were married once, right? What was your husbands name again?
WHAM!
* Conrad’s front door gets kicked in. *
“ Sorry I’m late, ma. The bus got stranded in Kentucky an I had to sell Alice off for repairs.”
Conrad: ZOMBIE!?
Zombie: Conrad? What the fuck are you doin in my mothers house?
Conrad: The question is what the hell are You doing in MY house!?
Odin: Sup ZMAC?
Zombie: Sup, Odin.
Conrad: you knew about this the entire time? Why didn’t you tell me?
Odin: Gee, it’s pretty fuckin Obvious.
Conrad: No it’s not! Ya know what.. Fuck this..
* Conrad starts to walk away into the other room, cursing to himself.*
Loretta: Bear, where are you going?
Zombie: Yah, Bear. Where you be at?
Conrad: This is bullshit! I’m going to get my gun an I’m going to end it all. I’m going to get my shot gun, put it in my mouth and blow my brains out. Just like I did to Kurt cobaine.
Odin: You know that when you die, I automatically get your money right? I did a lot more then just sign over an old identity to you.
* Just then it clicked in Conrad’s mind why Odin had put him in mortal danger so many times. So many near death experiences.. For money. He taught The Nordic Tank very well over the years. *
Conrad: I’m not giving you the satisfaction of my death!
Odin: Then what do you suppose we do about our little standoff.?
Conrad: The time machine!
Zombie: Holy shit!? You got a time machine.
Odin: Yah, that’s how you were conceived. Conrad traveled back through time, fought a raccoon to the death a bunch of times and banged your mother. But I banned it and hid it away in a storage locker in Bransen, Missouri.
.Loretta: And do what; exactly? Go back in time and convince yourself to loan yourselves money?
Odin: I just got a got a great idea. We’ll go back in time and convince ourselves to loan us money!
Conrad: Do you honestly think you’d believe a man lookin like you claiming to be from the future is really you? And that you’d really loan him money?
Odin: Absolutely not, I’d think he was you. What about you? You could loan yourself money.
Conrad: I would loan Zombie money before I loaned myself money.
Loretta: See I told ya its all about money an schemes.
Conrad: Shut up Loretta! The men are talking. So what do you wana do?
Odin: I want my money.
Conrad: Then you’re on your own with that. I’m not going back in time again. O’ no. Not after last time.
Odin: Come on. It’ll be fun.
* Last time Odin told Conrad that, they got arrested for disorderly at a McDonalds play ground. About a month ago. So, fun? Fun’s not the word. However Conrad thinks it over, if at the very least to stop Odin from signing over the Curtis identity to him and screwing this up in the first place. The gears twist an turn in Conrad’s mind as he puts the bloodied stump of a hand to his chin an weighs the options. He looks at Odin and thinks back on fifteen year torment. A gun to his head while he slept wasn’t such a bad idea now that he thinks about it. Then Conrad's eyes shift to Zombie… where’s Zombie?*
“ Give it to me papi, give it to me! “
* The moan and chants of Acid Alice echo down onto the first floor. Zombie an Alice havin snuck off to purge their primal urges. *
Conrad: Son of a bitch!
*Conrad storms off past Loretta an Odin. *
Loretta: Where you goin, Bear?
* Conrad turns to her with his nostrils flaring. *
Conrad: To do what I should have done YEARS ago.
Loretta: Take him, you two never do anything together.
* Conrad looks around. *
Conrad: you bet your ass I’m takin Odin, he got me in this mess in the first place.
Loretta: no! you idiot! Our son! You never do anything with him.
Conrad: Loretta, up until today, just right now- I didn’t even know I had a son. And right now he’s up stairs, on my good linen having martial’s with that dog faced gremlin he calls a girlfriend.
Loretta: Be nice!
Conrad: You’re right. That waas too harsh to all the dog faced gremlins out there.
* Suddenly Zombie just appears out of no where behind Conrad. *
Zombie: So where we goin… daaad…
* Zombie chimes in with a creepy an low pitched voice. Conrad turns and grabs his heart in shock, nearly dropping to a knee. Heart attack imminent, close but not today. *
Conrad: Ronald H Reagan! How the hell did you sneak up on me like that?
* Zombie shrugs.*
Zombie: I dunno. Oblivion touched me in my special purpose an I can just do stuff like that. It’s pretty useful.
* Zombie holds his finger to Conrad’s nose. *
Zombie: Does this smell like ether to you?
* Conrad takes a sniff and recoils, gagging viciously, nearly throwing up. *
Conrad: Dear god, what is that? Smells like rotting whale carcass mixed with vinegar.
Zombie: Sorry, Sorry… wrong one.
* Zombie extends his other hand an knocks Conrad out. Zombie looks at Odin, looking very pleased with his work. *
Zombie: Can we go fuck some cave man hookers?
Odin: After I get paid.
Zombie: Tits! Real tits!
____________________________________
U Haul - U Store - U Pay
Brenson, Missouri.
* Conrad, Odin and Zombie all stand in front of locker “ 69.”A locker hidden far away from the other units on the lot, the vegetation behind ir beginning to envelop it. It’s like find the lost arch, hidden away amongst hundreds of shipping containers. Conrad an Odin look at each other and nod as they each take a key out of their pocket and each insert them into two pad locks. *
CLICK - CLOCK- VVVLLIPPP
* They throw the rolling gate up and it crashes upwards as they two men set their eyes upon a relic that they’ve locked away seven years ago. *
Zombie: Looks like a port-o- shitter.
Odin: It’s suppose to.
Zombie: Why?
Odin: When ya gotta go, you gotta go.
Conrad: And I will NOT be stuck in a time warp, tryin to hold one back.
* The green port-a-potty stands majestic amidst Odin’s junk and rolled up Persian rugs that look especially bulky and out of place. There’s a large control panel jutting out of the side, the interface screen, black with out power. Conrad approaches it, each step stabbing him with flash backs of fighting Gilligan to the death but he walks up to the machine and flips a plastic in the back of the panel and flips a switch. Suddenly the machine comes to life, humming, buzzing and twinkling with colors. Odin opens the door that begins to fill up with a purple mist. Zombie approaches with cautions, running his fingers along the control panel with care as Conrad goes and stands behind Odin. *
Conrad: You commin’?
* Zombie interacts with the touch screen interface. As Odin and Conrad walk into the mist and begin to vanish*
Zombie: just a second.
* he access the time flux controls and adjusts it from “ linier “ to “ parallel. “ *
Zombie: See you in hell fat man.
* Zombie steps into the time machine, closing the door behind him, not knowing about that lies before him but honey badger truly doesn’t give a shit. *
______________________________________________
Staten Island, Michael Santiago’s house, 2009
* Conrad an Odin head up the walk way from the front of Michaels lawn and walk out to the door. Conrad stands off a bit as Odin clenches his fist and pounds on the door.
No answer.
He knocks again. Stanley, Santiago’s butler and father figure answers the door. *
Stanley: Yes?
Odin: Stanley, where am I right now?
Stanley: Pardon me?
Odin: Where am I right now?
* puzzled, Stanley answers a very obvious question. *
Stanley: Right in front me sir.
Odin: No, not me. ME.
* Odin points at himself, trying to stress that he’s talking about a different him. *
Stanley: I’m sorry sir, I don’t get the joke.
* Odin groans in frustration. *
Odin: Maverick, where’s Maverick?
Conrad: How do you not know where you are right now? How do you lose yourself?
Odin: How am I suppose to know?
* Conrads trigger finger itches as he resists the temptation to pull out his revolver from his chest holster. *
Stanley: Master Balfore is on the couch right now where he’s been for the past nine hours, watching a TV Land marathon and eating cereal. How a man can eat that much cereal is beyond me.
Odin: Great! Take me.. To me. I need to talk to myself.
Stanley: Funny, I thought you already were.
Conrad: Ain’t no different from any other day.
* Scoffs Conrad as Stanly leads Odin inside. *
Odin: You commin?
* Asks Odin, sticking his head throw the door way, half inside, half out. *
Conrad: I don’t need you in stereo, thank you very much.
Odin: I’ll let you punch past Maverick in the face if he gets out of line.
Conrad: deal!
* Conrad joins Odin and Stanley inside as they make their way into the living room to see Past Maverick watching tv and eating a bowl of cereal. Suddenly he gets an eerie feeling, like an outo f body experience as he cautiously looks up to see a large man standing over him, frightened he stands up, simultaneously throwing his bowl of cereal into the air.*
Past Maverick: Oh god!
* The cereal lands on Conrad. *
Conrad: NOOWW?
Odin: Wait a minute, you’re not me.
lifeinlegacy.com/2003/0215/HennigCurt.jpg
Odin: You’re like seven inches sorter then me and your hair… it’s blonde.
* Past mavericks eyes widen as he takes a step backwards then makes a b- line to his right and starts yelling for help. *
Maverick: Santi! Santi! I told you it’d happen. A giant Tranny is after me!
* Odin looks at Conrad whose trying to clean the cereal off of him. *
Odin: Do I have that look?
Conrad: you’re an idiot.
THUMP..THUMP..THUMP..
* A younger Santiago, with black hair tramples down the stairs, alerted to the uncharacteristic screams of Mavericks. *
Santiago: What’s the matter?
Maverick: The Trannies after me again!
Odin: Again?
* Odin mouths to himself.*
Odin: Did I do this before?
* Santiago comes down the stairs and walks into the living with maverick to look at the seven foot Odin standing there perplexed at the situation. *
Santiago: Oh shit, you’re right.
* Odin face palms himself as he looks back at where Conrad was just standing. *
Odin: Was I always like this, Conrad? .. Conrad?
“ AARRRHHHGGGG”
* Conrad’s screams followed by a pathetic sobbing can be heard from outside on the lawn. *
Santiago: What do you want?
* Like the ghost of Christmas future, Odin ominously points at Maverick. *
Odin:Sit.
* Odin says sternly, so much so that the thought of defying it withered and died. Santiago and Maverick sit on the couch and stare at the large man in front of them. *
Odin: Maverick. I need you, in the worst way.
Maverick: Santi, I need an adult.
Odin: Shut up! I am an adult..
* Odin thinks for a moment. *
Odin: I just sounded like Logan for a moment.. Maybe I AM becoming a tranny.
Santiago: What?
Odin: SHUT UP BOUDLE! …god.. Damn it.
Santiago: You better start explaining yourself. I don’t just take orders in my home from just about anyone.
Odin: you would from him and by him, I mean me. Maverick, I’m you from the future.
* maverick turns to Santiago.*
Maverick: I told you one day Conrad would pull this shit.
Odin: Conrads outside.
Santiago: I call bullshit.
Maverick: No.. he’s right. I can feel Conrad’s here.
Santiago: No he’s not. And I’m not about to get robbed by a seven foot tall grey haired tranny.
Odin: And this is why I had sex with all your girlfriends. And if you don’t believe me, call his cell, its still the same after all these years.
* enraged, Santiago screams at Maverick whose dialing Conrads phone. “ Hotel California “ by The Eagles can be heard playing outside. *
Conrad: FUCK YOU BOTH!
Maverick: How’d you know it was me, why would you still have this number in your phone.
Conrad: Because I hate the eagles…
Maverick: But that doesn’t make any sense.
Conrad: And because I hate you. Now get the other you and get your ass out here, right now!
Maverick: It really is him. Only one mans hatred of me would span time and space.
Odin: your damn right its him and I need your help. I got screwed out of TPA’s stock, I’m broke and Conrad got my identity stolen. You need to come back to twenty- twelve and give me a loan.
Maverick: Whats in it for me?
Odin: lets see, you won’t go broke in four years. But I need you sober. I need you at the top of the game, doing what we do best. No whiskey, no schemes with Gill.
Maverick: But drinking and Hanging with Gill is what I do best.
* Odin face palms himself again. *
Odin :There’s no way I could have been this dumb, even in a past life. Mav, Gill put us in this situation. I need you to come back with me.
Maverick: What’s in it for me?
Odin: I won’t tell them what you do with all that lotion.
Maverick: I have dry skin.
Odin: No we don’t.
Maverick: How does he know that?
Odin: Cuz I’m you, you dumb piece of shit! I used the time machine-
* Maverick yells, interrupting Odin. *
Maverick: I banned that thing!
Odin: And I un-banned it! You got a problem with it, come with me, if not, good luck being piss ass fuckin broke in four years. I really don’t think you wana beg Conrad for money cuz I sure as hell don’t! Look, I don’t care if you believe me or not. Hell, I wouldn’t believe me either but we are one in the same, why we look drastically different is beyond me but you are me. Now I’m getting my money back one way or the other, with or with out you.
* Odin gets in Mavericks face. *
Odin: With or with out you Mav, I’m getting paid, winning WAR XI and getting my god damn world title! So you got two options Mav, you can either help me or you can sit on your ass and watch TV.
Maverick: Well the wheel comes on in--
“ ARH… “
SLAM!
Santiago: My TV!
Odin: Sorry Santiago, I’d pay you back but I’m broke. Besides, I’l have done it last in a week or so.
* Maverick shakes his head in agreement. (
Maverick: It’s true, I planned on it.
Santiago: I hate you both. I swear to god. Get the hell out of my house!
Maverick: Dude, you just got me kicked out of my own house.
Santiago: This isn’t your house maverick!
Odin: you were getting kicked out anyway?
Maverick: Why?
Santiago: Cuz it’s NOT your house.
Maverick: Then whys my name on the deed?
Odin: That’s why! Now lets go.
* Odin scoops up Maverick who starts kicking and screaming and puts him over his shoulder.*
Maverick: Help! Rape! Rape!
*Odin walks out the house with him. Once outside he meets up with Conrad.*
Odin: Could you?
Conrad: It’d be my pleasure.
* Conrad rears back and cold cocks Maverick. Conrad smiles, having released fifteen years of anger in one good shot. *
Conrad: Well that felt good. So what now?
Odin: Well one thing is, WCF better watch out because if they thought that one Balfore was too much, then there is no way they can handle two. Last year I tied the record of eliminations, this year I intend to shatter it and get my world title shot. I know I’m the first entry but I don’t care. That just means that I get more of a chance to eliminate everyone from the match. Ain’t no one gonna stop me this time Conrad. I’ve been waiting all year to get my revenge on this match and cement my hall of fame induction. There ain’t anyone in this match big enough to knock me over the ropes an no one strong enough to hold me down for a solid three count. That’s what they gotta remember. I’m one, two , three, four. I’m every number, Conrad. I’m every number because this year, its not WAR Eleven. Simply put, it’s WAR BALFORE!
The locker can deny it all they want but they know that this year is my year. This is MY WAR. There are too many rookies, too many low level curtain jerker’s who’ve bearly made it into the mid card to even start thinking that they’ll challenge me for supremacy in this match. I’ll give me these guys one look and they’ll eliminate themselves. Hey can call it what they will, instinct, survival.. The best man. It’s just all irrelevant facts because I’m in them match.
I don’t care how tough someone thinks they are, how sick or hardcore. This match isn’t about those things. This match is simply about out smarting your opponent an I’m already miles ahead of them. We know this is a shot at one for the title. I’m sorry Conrad, who headlined ONE last year? So I don’t need the shit stains of WCF telling me the importance of this match because the importance of the match isn’t even the contender ship. it’s the match it’s self. Over fifty men have been world champion, countless others have been the number one contender. Only a handful have won WAR but this year I’m not just going to win it, I’m not going to redefine it, I’m going to own it. This year, this WAR, this WAR BALFORE will be the year remembered as the one where I set records, set the bar that much higher. it’s the year when everyone takes a look and says Balfore did all that. He went through thirty plus guys from the start. This is where I make my definitive mark as being the most dominant wrestler WCF will ever know.
Mark my words.
Ain’t nobody safe.
