The MiND of a MiSFiT

[Johnny Stylez]

@donofdi$Re$PeCT419

GooD EVeNiNg ASSHATZ (WcF Fans & RoSTeR MeMBeRZ) and welcome to the newest and most rebellious BLOG in the history of the Wrestling Championship Federation, THE MIND OF A MISFIT. I am of course your host the one and only PaRaGoNa of AMeRICANA, or as my friends know me THE

~$~DoN of Di$Re$PECT ~$~
THE SooN To Be FiRST EvER 2x, 2x, 2x CHAMPION OF THE INTERNET
~$~ LA Johnny Stylez ~$~
...YoU KNoW The DooD WHODOESN'T DRESS LiKe a 40 Year Old GiRLSCOUT...And of CoUrSe By GIRLSCOUT I MEAN

(ViRGiN)...But we'll touch on more of that in just a moment!

Before we get into all of that allow me to take this opportunity to explain why this blog has even come into existence. Because as you all may know ever since I lost MY Internet Championship to that CooKie SeLLiN, CHILDREN TOUCHING, SeLF RIGHTEOUS, PHUCK MOOK Stuart Slane he has attempted to hold the Internet Hostage and use his position as the Champion of the Internet to limit and take away the freedom that comes along with the Internet, and while one can most certianley blame Stuart Slane for being such an asshole and doing such a thing, because hey first and foremost

IT'Z NOT OUR FAULT YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON AT YOUR BOY SCOUT MEETINGS WHO WAS ABOVE THE AGE OF 25 AND WASN'T A SCOUTLEADER! THEREFORE WHEN YOU WERE IN HIGHSCHOOL GOT SHOVED INTO YOUR LOCKER EVERYDAY, resulting in you developing this anger towards people who were "normal" only where most people in your situation

(and by your situation I am referring to nerds on a power trip)

...most people in your situation become police officers, you, on the other hand decided to become a wrestler. And now that you managed to gain a bit of success look to punish everyone because of your short comings! When the truth is STeW...You MiNd if I CALL YOU STEW? By the time it's all said and done with me, you are going to wish you would have stayed in the forest sucking Smokey The Bear's dick while selling him and the rest of the jungle book

!!!!!THIN MINTZ!!!!!
BeCaUsE AT REVENGE I AND THE REST OF THE INTERNET SHALL HAVE OUR VENGANCE!!!

Because the reason for this blog is the ssame reason you are no longer fit to wear or represent this company as the CHAMPION OF THE INTERNET! This blog by it's very essence is here to rebel against the tyranny you have tried to place over the Internet. The internet as we know it is the only true place in this entire world where people are truly free, and you trying to censor that is not only absurd but much like your championship reign and everything about you is complete and utter

!!!!B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.!!!!
...And Sorry I'm OnE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO IS ALLERGIC TO IT!!!

And I refuse to sit here and let you phuckup the only true slice of freedom many of us have . And the most beautiful thing about that Stewey is that deep down in that jaded pathetic mind of yours you know it to be true, and that my good friend is the reason you are

!!!!AFRaID To FaCe ME!!!!
Well That And YoU KNOW I'M GUNNA DO A RIVERDANCE ON YOUR FOREHEAD!!!

You fear me because I represent everything you are trying to opress! You know deep down inside that the man you defeated for the Internet Championship in the first place is not the same man you see standing before you today. A few weeks ago I am ashamed to admit I was cut from the same mold as a Hunter Valentyne or an Al Envy, I just like you thought the world owed me something and that I was apart of this sport to dominate it and hold shit over people's heads. But all of that has changed. Now I am a proud card carrying

!!!!!MiSFIT!!!!!
Which Is Everything You And Your SCOUT'Z HONOR ARE AFRAID OF

Because you are scared of a world that lacks rules, laws, and structure. You fear what we MiSFiTs are about. You don't like the idea of kids riding bicycles without helments, having sex without condoms, or eating fast food after midnight! If you were a soccer mom you'd be that nosey bitch at the PTA meetings who fights to have more chaperones at the dance. But really the only thing really seperating you from the other soccer moms is the mini van and the fact the vest full of merit badges actually belongs to you!

But the bad news really STEWEY is that the rebellion has already begun and you can do nothing to stop it. You have been unbeatable these past few weeks because no one really knew how to get at you. But I after going through my own change can see right through you. Now I understand that you are nothing more than a

!!!!!D.I.C.T.A.T.O.R.!!!!
...MiNuS THe TaToR!!!

You outsmarted or confused your opponents with your fancied up bullshit that I, as I already told you can see right through! You have done everything in your power trying to avoid this match with me because you know just as sure as I'm telling you that you and your enitre world is about to come toppoling down on you! Because just like the fall of any dictatorship all I need is this one decisive victory to begin to unravel everything you have accomplished. Because once I defeat you and have my hand raised and declared once again the rightful champion of the Internet everyone else around me will see the truth and that is you are nothing more than a coward dressed up like a BoyScout that yeah is

!!!!!JUST AS PATHETIC AS IT SOUNDZ!!!!!
BeCaUSe BEiNG A COWARD GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING YOU CLAIM TO STAND FOR!!!

Because if you were a true champion like you would like to have everyone else believe then you would gladly take me on rather than go out of your way to try and avoid it plain and simple because a true champion takes on any and call comers! But we both know you aren't a true champion so there is no sense on dwelling on it a second longer, because believe it or not I actually have a surprise for you sir!!

Slam went off the air a few hours ago and by now I am sure you are wondering where your vest full of merit badges has gone to. Did you leave them back at the hotel room? Did you forget them in the arena? Did you leave them on the plane, in a cab? The answer to all of these questions I'm afraid is a big fat

!!!!!NO!!!!!
You Know The Word You Hear Everytime You Approach A Female With The Proposition Of Sexual Intercourse!!!

Which brings us to the part of my blog I like to call the

***GooD NeWz/BaD NeWz SITUATION OF THE DAY***

The Good News: I happen to know where your merit badges are!

The Bad News: Well...Watch this!

***SiDe NoTe***
Q: What Makes The MiND OF A MISFIT THE GREATEST BLOG EVER?

A: The Fact That It's Not Just A Blog, But A TOUT FEED AS WELL!!!

So here watch this TOUT AS WE GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THE MISSING MERIT BADGES

TOUT:

(Scene opens up backstage where we see The DoN of Di$rE$PeCT himself sitting in front of his computer along side the loveable MiSFiT mascot and confidant GOAT and also the very mysterious one eyed midget Pierre who is wearing the shit out of his eye patch as well as Stuart Slane's vest-o-merit badges. Johnny and Pierre are eating the final bites of some cheeseburgers that must have come from the Burger King bag in front of them. Johnny takes the last bite as the web cam is centered on Goat at the oment as he lets out a very loud and very distinctive

Goat: BAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Johnny then looks at Pierre who looks at Goat and then back at Johnny and as usual without saying anything stuffs whats left of the cheeseburger into his mouth. Johnny then with a look of serious disappointment slaps Pierre on the back of the head and then turns to plead with Goat.

LA Johnny Stylez: Goat I'm so phucking sorry Homie, I didn't know you skipped lunch and breakfast! And well we stole Pugh's Burger King so it's not like we forgot to ask you. I promise you we would have shared...But fear not, because well while I was out reffing the match eariler I had Pierre sneak into Stuart Slane's locker room and take his Merit Badges, I was just going to hold them for ransom, but since you are a Goat and eat shit like this far be it from me to let you starve, so I know it's not Burger King but here feast away my furry friend!

...Johnny then motions for Pierre to hatake off the vest and give it to Goat. Pierre shakes his head no in refusal, as Johnny slaps him over the head again. Pierre then extends his very little and very chubby middle finger as he takes it off. He hands Johnny the vest, and as soon as Johnny grabs it with his right hand Pierre delievers a swift and unforgiving right hook to Johnny's ballsack. Johnny's eyes almost pop out of his head as they cross and he falls to the floor dropping the vest of merit badges in the process.

Johnny then gets up and lunges at Pierre as then just like in the cartoons the two are surrounded by a cloud of smoke as you see random letters like BAM, POW, SMASH comes from the smoke letting you know that there is a bit of a tussle going on. Meanwhile Goat goes to work munching down on Stuart Slane's vest of merrit badges. He chomps away like a cow chomps on grass as he sits there expressionless as he watchesd Pierre and Johnny fight to the death.

After a few moments Goat chomps down to the final threead and then lets out a very strrange sounding

Goat: BAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The smoke then clears and we see Pierre on top of Johnny holding a switchblade to his throat as Johnny has a broken bottle in his hand ready to thrust it into Pierre's crotch as the two stop and look at Goat. Goat then takes a few wobbly steps until he walks up to the garbage can next to Johnny and Pierre and then vomits into the garbage can. A look of disgust and horro crosses the faces of Johnny and Goat, as they watch Goat blow chunks into the garbage can. Pierre and Stylez forget they were fighting to the death as they watch and wait for Goat to finish blowing chunks. Eventually Goat stops as he shakes his head and lets out a

Goat: B...BAAAAAHHHH


Johnny then turns and looks directly into the web cam and says.

LA Johnny Stylez: Wow...Guess Goat is allergic to bullshit too!!!

...END TOUT


Stewey I would really love to apologize for what you just witnessed but I'm not really sorry! You have committed crimes against the WcF and The Internet, crimes which you will answer and pay dearly for my friend. I would sincerely like to commend you on what you have accomplished thus far. You have managed to pull the wool over the eyes of everyone in the WcF, including myself and that is no easy task. But sooner or later all lies eventualy give way to the truth. And the truth is Stewey that you are no longer fit to carry my Internet Championship because you do not represent what the Internet is about. You cannot control something that big and you cannot force people especially YOURZ TRULY or any of the other MisFiTz for that matter to see things from your haded selfish prespective! I on the other hand like the rest of the MiSFiTz represent the freedom to do and be what you want, and that is something thatr you cannot touch Stuart no matter how hard you try!

I know taking that title off of you aint going to be easy because you are most definitley a formindable opponent inside of those ring ropes. But I've got you matched there as well, because lest we forget that despite the changes I have gone through over the past few weeks the one thing that has not changed is the fact that I am still the fastest rising young star on the WcF ROSTER! And I will restore the WcF Internet Title division to what is was meant for, and I will end your reign of bullshit over the WcF and I am going to do that by practically doing what Goat did toyour little faggoty ass merit badges, and that's chew you up and spit you out...And where I come from I like to refer to that as forcing someone (In this case that someone being YOU) to

!!!!!!SoaK!!!!!!
!!!!!!SoMe!!!!!
!!!!!!!UP!!!!!!!
...So SoMeOnE CaLL THE FaT LaDy (AKA YA MAMA)

...And tell that BITCH SHE's ON IN FiVe!!!

This concludes the very FiR$T MiND OF A MI$FiT, and it most DeFiNiTLeY

...HaS BeeN YoUR PLea$uRE

Which

[Tim]

@iowanmassacre

...And he goes on and on and on. I'd like to see what Slane has to hear about this.

[Johnny Stylez]

@donofdi$Re$PeCT419

Well if it isn't the most irrelevant person on the WcF roster, hows it goin Joel? Still sore from when I handed you your ass I see...Need a TiSSuE?

[Tim]

@iowanmassacre

You handed Nic Daniels' ass. How does it feel that you ain't a paper champion anymore? Now that Valentyne's out of the picture, let's see you survive in WCF without a title.

[Terry Roberts]

thehellraiser

Most....mindnumbing.....incessant.......rant ever!!!

[Johnny Stylez]

@donofdi$Re$PeCT419

K so would you rather me rattle off the competitve prices between what Wal-Mart and Toys R US charge for their belt replicas for your next imaginary title?


And Joel I can see you still have a habit of talking with your head in your ass, because I've actually been doing quite well since I lost my Internet Championship...So well I've gotten a rematch for it, meanwhile you are well getting lost in the shuffle as usual, but you're a MoRon so that's not exactly the most shocking of revelationz!

[Terry Roberts]

thehellraiser

I'll see your pathetic rant on fake titles, and raise you a tag team victory over your sorry ass!!!!

[Tim]

@iowanmassacre

Playing special referee does not count as doing well, considering the hell you've given to Slane. Besides, that Scout guy is a real champion, unlike you, you wasted piece of space.

[tommykain]

WOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH there Silverados.

You know I've tried, I've tried really hard for weeks to take the high road.

I realized that when I first arrived into the WCF I was an unbelievable pricksack. Albeit, an undeniably talented and attractive pricksack, but a pricksack nontheless. So I have tried hard to make amends. I had one of those moments of clarity and I tried to right some of my wrongs.

I've sat around and watched as dudes ran their mouths, I've grinned and beared it while every former hack from here to timbuckthree has come back crawling out of the woodwork and just cut in front of me and my Misfit brethren like a fat kid in a lunch line.

And now, just a few minutes ago I watched a pre teen, Justin Bieber of the wrasslin world have a dick chat with his drunken daddy in protest of having to wrestle me and a few of my friends like we are the wrestling equivalent of a swimming pool full of Syphilis and razor blades.

Well I gotta tell ya kids, that might of been the straw that broke the straw that broke the camel's spine, which forced the camel into paralysis, which forced the camel to use it's one good hoof to shoot itself in the brain pan and end it's miserable existence.

See I knew the WCF could use the Misfits, hell we're a good time and everybody can use a good time.

But I guess I never realized the WCF NEEDS the damn Misfits now more than ever. Look at this joint, anybody who even considers doing something other than "The bad ass" or the "Hardcore psycho" or any of the other wrasslin cliche's that have been around since old white dudes wrestled bears in their underoos, just get thrown to the wayside.

I've watched kick ass pirates and hot ass ninja chick get thrown into B.S. match after B.S. match because they don't fit the company mold.

Well beep....beep...beepity F'n beep Jack, here's your Misfit newsflash. That crap ends NOW!

War has been declared on the status quo.

You don't like it, well get in line cuz odds are you ain't gonna be alone...

But neither are we.

But before I go, I just wanna address a few remarks.

One,

Synndy, I don't know how hard I would brag on a tag win that featured you getting help from the entire cast of the Douchey Horror Picture show.

and Joel Hall, well Joel there was a moment when people would've actually cared, but that window has closed Sunshine.

But don't feel bad chum, you ain't the first and you are far from the last to overestimate your importance or underestimate what the Misfit Legion is capable of. But I will tell ya this, pay real close attention because its gonna get pretty damn interesting around these parts.

[Terry Roberts]

thehellraiser

Please remind me whom it was that saved you from a Bishop and Priest beat down that night? Not your bed buddy.

[tommykain]

Saved?

SAVED?

You do realize that I've beaten those dudes every, single, solitary time I've EVER been in the same ring with them?

So who really saved whom?

But either way, to dance the light fandango because of that win is not only cheap, but it's actually kind of sad.

Dare we say it is...

Synnful?

[Terry Roberts]

Next time they get a hankering to bloody your bitch ass up, go fuck your goat beastie boy.

[Speede]

@royspeede
Alright, I'm going to try to translate this into @donofdi$Re$PeCT419 's language here, so bear with me people.

@royspeede
WhaTZZ Yo PRoBLeM MuHFuCKa? YOU MaDDD THaT THaFuGGiN SCouTMaSTa HaS THa iNTeRNeT TiTLe BiTCh? YOUU aiNt GeTTiNg it BaCK YOU KnOOw THaT RiTeee?

[tommykain]

Oh look, somebody else making fun of how Johnny styles expresses himself, somebody get those paddle thingys George Clooney used to use, all this originality just might stop my heart

[tommykain]

Sure its a dated reference but if you douchemobiles are gonna pull an Adam young on us and not even try, why should I?

[Tim]

@iowanmassacre

Lol. The guy who's defending Stylez is the guy that got his ass kicked at Blast.

[Ryan Pugh]

NO ONE TALKS ABOUT GOAT BUT ME U COCK SUCKERS!!!!!!

[Deleted]

You are a foolish, foolish man, Johnny Stylez.

Up until now I have tried to keep our discourse professional. As Internet Champion and Virtual Ambassador of the WCF, it is my duty to elevate the online conversation and keep the interaction among the residents of the WCF Universe civil and courteous.

But you had to go and make things personal.

By stealing my sash of merit badges and feeding it to your mascot, you have crossed the line and entered a place you do not want to be.

Scoutmaster Stuart Slane’s Enemies List.

This is where I keep the names of those who have wronged me. Given my magnanimous nature, the queue is short. In fact, until now, there has not been a single person associated with the Wrestling Championship Federation on the list; not even my most frequent adversary, our Vice President of Digital Media Content, Ms. Lisl Anne. This is because no one has dared do what you have done.

You can insult me. You can assault me. However, the attack I will not countenance is one that destroys what I represent. I earned my merit badges, Mister Stylez; many of them before you were even born. My late mother sewed the oldest onto my sash. Then the task fell to my wife. Even my daughter’s stitch-work could be found on it. I bled and sweated and cried for those patches of achievement.

And, on a whim, you decided to abscond with the sash that carries them.

I should have known it was you, Mister Stylez. At first, after it had come up missing, I assumed I had simply misplaced it. Then I thought the culprit for its theft might have been “Black Charisma” Michael Santiago. He appeared the most likely suspect, as I had just defeated him at Slam. Humiliated as he was by the loss, he might have stolen it out of spite. The fact that Mister Santiago associates with a raccoon, Nature’s Cutpurse, only heightened my suspicion. How wrong I was.

Because in all the WCF, only you, Mister Stylez, possess the malice, the pure evil, to take my sash and let some poor, dumb beast consume it. Just as you are the only one stupid enough to broadcast your hate crime over the very medium I represent.

Let me tell you what your act of terrorism has earned you, Mister Stylez: my full, undivided attention. You are now Priority One on The Internet Champion’s agenda. This latest gaggle of dysfunctional freaks you congregate with will not be able to save you for what’s coming at Revenge. They will only be able to watch, and learn awe.

It was a tactical error to assume that destroying my merit badge collection would give you an advantage over me going into our match this Sunday. I’m not like you: some weak-willed resident of society’s dregs who seeks succor from ‘Mary Jane’ when adversity strikes. I am forest hewn and mountain forged. Taking my sash does not handicap me. No, all you have done is make me angry. And that rage is now focused squarely on you and any of the feckless faction of fellow nobodies brazen enough to get in my way. The goat I will spare, as it was only being true to its nature, but as for the rest of the remaining Misfits- Tommy Kain, the woman, the fat one, and the fatter one- if they dare cross me, ALL will suffer.

Mister Stylez, I am not afraid of being outnumbered in a fight; just like I’m not afraid to face you. Did you truly believe I requested your Number One Contender’s ranking be stripped because I’m scared of you, Mister Stylez? Imbecile. Why should I fear a man I already beaten once? No, I made the suggestion because you broke the rules, and rule-breakers must be punished. We would have anarchy in the world otherwise. And since WCF Management has failed to see to this august responsibility, the job falls on me to maintain order in our ranks.

You are now the man I will make an example of, Mister Stylez. This Sunday, I will give you the beating of a lifetime, the beating your own father should have given you. I am going to put you in the most devastating submission hold in the history of the Wrestling Championship Federation. Mister Stylez, I am going to Knot you Up. Only this time, I will not release it. Not after you’ve tapped. Not after the bell has rung. Not after you’ve passed out from the pain. The hold will not be broken until I am convinced you are. BE PREPARED to spend the rest of your worthless days bent double, your spine twisted in such a manner you’ll be seen as an interrogatory oddity, a human question mark, and, ironically, the answer to a query up until now others in this promotion have been wise not to ask:

“What happens if you get Stuart Slane mad?”




“The Scoutmaster” Stuart Slane
August 22, 2012

[tommykain]

Ya know Scouts, in another place and another time where Johnny wasn't gonna shove that silly hat of yours up your cramhole, you would have made a wonderful Misfit, but alas, you'll just have to settle on getting your teeth kicked in by one.

And as for Mister Hall and his cute little comment about an opening match at a Pay Per View, that only he remembers...

You see Joel, while that win might have been the highlight of your career, hence the reason you are still bringing it up, everybody else in that match has either moved up, moved on, or moved out, except for you.

Now granted, you won that match, and in winning you became one of two guys to have ever actually pinned my shoulders to the mat in this company full of nutjobs, blowjobs, and oddjobs. But then what did ya do?

Nothing

Zip

Zero

Zilch

And that's what I meant when I said your window of opportunity had closed. Now before you come out here in a huff and challenge me to a Laser beam death match, with gasoline soaked barbed wire on top of the Empire State Building, just remember...

Nobody cares about you or what you have to say.

[Tim]

@iowanmassacre

Still proves that I can kick your ass any day.