Post by Deleted on Dec 25, 2007 16:52:45 GMT -5
Date and Time: Monday, December 24th, 6:47 PM
Location: FAO Schwarz, New York
Cairo, Nick and Bolts have all met up at the FAO Schwarz, where a group of dozens of underprivileged New York youths are waiting for them. Cairo is dressed up as Santa, complete with a couch cushion under his shirt to add bulk. Nick and Bolts are dressed up as Santa's helper elves. The kids are lined up one by one, waiting to sit on Santa's lap and collect their gift. Cairo, Bolts and Nick are chatting briefly before the festivities begin.
Nick Katsopolis: "Terrible news, guys. The Bulls fired Scott Skiles today."
Bolts Quackenbush: "The day before Christmas? Shit, they couldn't at least wait until the New Year?"
Bobby Cairo: "That's total bullshit. Nobody works harder than Scott does. It's not his fault the Bulls are a bunch of underachieving scrubs. He didn't put that team together. Blame the GM for not doing shit to improve the roster, but don't blame a good, solid, hard-nosed coach."
Nick Katsopolis: "I didn't mean to damper your holidays, but I just wanted you guys to find from me instead of seeing it on ESPN."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Well, let's put our game faces on. These kids need us."
Santa and his elves grab several sacks filled with toys and goodies and walk over to the kids. Santa takes his seat in the big, old Santa throne. The first kid in line is a little black kid with a scowl on his face. He jumps onto Santa's lap, but doesn't really say much.
Bobby Cairo: "Ho ho ho! Why hello there, little boy. What's your name?"
Little Black Kid: "Tyler."
Bobby Cairo: "Pleasure to meet you, Tyler. Have you been a good boy this year?"
Tyler doesn't respond. He continues to scowl.
Bobby Cairo: "Ok, what would you like for Christmas?"
Tyler: "You're not the real Santa! There's no such thing as Santa!"
Bobby Cairo: "Tyler, calm down, man. Don't ruin it for the other kids. You're right, I'm not the real Santa, I'm wrestling superstar Bobby Cairo. You know, I was a lot like you when I was a kid. There's a skeptic in every group, and I was always the skeptic."
Tyler: "You went from being a skeptic to a shitty, overrated wrestler."
Bobby Cairo: "Now that's just rude. Didn't your parents teach you any manners?"
Tyler: "My parents are dead, you prick. I live with my uncle. He works three jobs to support me and my sister."
Bobby Cairo: "I'm sorry to hear that. I'd like to help. I want to give your uncle a job with one of my construction companies. Can he do manual labor? I pay top dollar and provide full health benefits. The unions love me."
Tyler: "Are you serious? That would be awesome!"
Bobby Cairo: "Yeah, and for you and your sister, I want you to be able to have some fun this Christmas. Here's an X-Box 360 with some great games. We have Call of Duty, Assassin's Creed, Madden, The Sims, all sorts of stuff. You guys can have fun shooting Nazis and then winning the Superbowl!"
Tyler: "Thanks, Cairo Claus!"
Bobby Cairo: "No problem, Tyler. I'm simply carrying out my responsibility as a good citizen. I want you to remember that no matter what happens, you are somebody. Your voice counts, your actions count. You can make the world a better place."
During the next several hours, Santa and his elves hand out GI Joe's, Barbie's, snowboards, more video games. board games, Leapster games, CD Players, DVD players, laptop computers, clothes, gift certificates, candy, all sorts of great stuff. When it's all said and done, Cairo gathers all the kids together and gives them one more gift: Some very wise parting advice.
Bobby Cairo: "First of all, I want to thank FAO Schwarz for not only hosting this event, but especially for agreeing to match the charitable contributions of T.S.O.C. We couldn't have provided all of these wonderful gifts for the kids without their help. FAO Schwarz does great work in the community and those of us in T.S.O.C. take our hats off to you fine folks. Let's give them a hand, everybody."
Rousing applause from everybody in the store.
Bobby Cairo: "For you kids, I have a very important message that I would like to share with you all. Marilyn Manson had the right idea, but he didn't go far enough - and now he's not popular anymore. Let that be a lesson to you kids. Whether you're into the hip-hop or the pop or the rock and roll, it's important to always stand up for what you believe in. That doesn't mean shoving your beliefs down other people's throats, but it does mean that you should never compromise your principles. I have compromised myself in the past and I regret doing so. I've learned from that mistake and I will never repeat it. I want all of you kids to have a great holiday season. Have fun and treat each other with respect. Regardless of race, creed, nationality, religion or gender, we're all human beings. We all deserve love, respect and consideration. Take care of each other, kids, and have a great holiday season!"
As the kids disperse, some with their parents, others with grandparents, aunts and uncles, even nuns in charges of orphanages, each one of the kids has a twinkle in their eyes. They're all excitedly showing their gifts to each together and laughing. It's really a great sight to see. Cairo tears up a bit as the moment sinks in. Nick pats him on the shoulder.
Nick Katsopolis: "We did good, Bobby. I've never been this proud before in my life. We really made a difference today."
Bobby Cairo: "Yeah, we did. Santa comes in many shapes and sizes. Santa could be a five-foot tall Asian woman with giant knockers and the tightest little ass you've ever seen. Today, Santa was a six-foot, four-inch fool with a dream and his two best friends."
Bolts Quackenbush: "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
Bobby Cairo: "What?"
Bolts Quackenbush: "Banana nose!"
Somebody had spiked the eggnog and Bolts was drunk even earlier than usual. The three T.S.O.C. members changed back into their regular clothes in the men's room stalls. After thanking the store manager and the employees for their help, Cairo, Nick and Bolts head back to the Depot in Cairo's vintage Eldorado. Nick drives so that Cairo can play with the CD changer. Bolts is sprawled out in the back seat.
Nick Katsopolis: "You know, Bobby, it strikes me that for such an intense competitor you're really a pretty nice guy."
Bobby Cairo: "That's the difference between the good Cairo and the bad Cairo. The good Cairo sits there and hands out presents to kids. The bad Cairo wants to go into that ring next Sunday and rip Skyler Striker to shreds. Will I disembowel the man? Yes, if that's what it takes I'll do it. Will I kidnap his daughter? No, I will not do that ever again. I was wrong and I will apologize to Striker face to face before our match. But once that bell rings, all apologies go out the window. I'm trying to win the match by any means necessary. If that means jacking Striker with a sackful of pennies then so be it."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Your grandmother looks like Ron Paul. Hahaha! I hope Stuart Scott's eye injury has been a conscientious seasonal cook over the past couple of months, and taken advantage of the various gluts of fruit and vegetables that have thrown themselves at the door of his kitchen."
Date and Time: Tuesday, December 25th, 2:06 AM
Location: Cairo's Mansion, Hartford, Connecticut
After a day of good work for the people, it's time for the members of T.S.O.C. to relax. Cairo, Nick and Bolts have been relaxing all right, with a bottle of vodka and stories about the golden age of wrestling. Sammartino and Kowalski, Backlund and Graham, Flair and Steamboat, Bolts was there for all of it and he regales the much younger Cairo and Nick with tales of legendary wrestling feuds and matches of yesteryear. Though Bolts' words are slurred by his intoxication, it doesn't hinder the knowledge and wisdom of a great wrestling mind.
Bobby Cairo: "Man, those are some great stories. I just hope that I can add my name to that legacy."
Bolts Quackenbush: "It's a different game these days, at least in America. The technical style of wrestling has given way to adolescent hijinks. You have to carry the torch, Bobby. You need to make people think, you need to tell a story in that ring. Don't let the fans settle for some cheap, instant gratification."
Bobby Cairo: "I hear you, Bolts."
Nick Katsopolis: "What is this stuff called, Svedka? I didn't know the Swedes made vodka."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Oh yeah, most of your Scandinavian countries are major players in the vodka distillery business. It's cold as fuck over there, the vodka warms them up. Then you snuggle up with your Nordic cutie, fuck her in the ass a few times. It's a beautiful thing."
Bobby Cairo: "Hahaha! I love this guy! He's a jam up guy. You're a jam up guy, Bolts!"
Nick Katsopolis: "Jam up guy? What the hell are you talking about?"
Bobby Cairo: "That's what Bret Hart said about El Dandy."
Nick Katsopolis: "Oh right, who are you to doubt El Dandy? Now I remember. Whatever happened to El Dandy?"
Bobby Cairo: "I think he owns a carwash with La Parka and Super Calo. I've seen them down there on Rodeo Drive."
Nick Katsopolis: "Rodeo Drive? When were you in LA?"
Bobby Cairo: "I'm dating Amy Winehouse, man. I get around."
Cairo gestures with his hands.
Bobby Cairo: "All around."
Nick Katsopolis: "Whatever. I have my eye on Jen Milano."
Bobby Cairo: "Jen Milano, is that Alyssa's sister?"
Nick Katsopolis: "No, she's a girl from school."
Bobby Cairo: "Which school?"
Nick Katsopolis: "We used to go to high school together."
Bobby Cairo: "That was almost ten years ago."
Nick Katsopolis: "I've bumped into her a few times at the market. We chat with each other. I think she wants me."
Bobby Cairo: "Cool. It's been awhile since you got laid, right?"
Nick uses his fingers to count.
Nick Katsopolis: "Yeah, six months."
Bobby Cairo: "Good luck with that."
Nick Katsopolis: "Thanks. Good luck with Amy Winehouse. By the way, is she coming over here for Christmas?"
Bobby Cairo: "Nah, she's on tour. We talked on the phone the other day. She's been doing better lately. She's really cleaned herself up after that whole "crying" incident."
Nick Katsopolis: "Yeah, that was unfortunate, but it's good to hear that she's doing better."
Bobby Cairo: "You guys are gonna stay here tonight and join us for dinner tomorrow, right?"
Nick Katsopolis: "Well, Bolts is passed out so I don't think he's going anywhere. Yeah, what the hell, I'll stick around. You wanna match a movie in the theater?"
Bobby Cairo: "Hmmm... I should probably get some sleep, I have a long day of cooking ahead of me. But yeah, why not? I can stay up all night drinking and watching movies."
Nick and Cairo shuffle off to the theater where such current hits as I Am Legend and The Great Debaters are available for screening. As a treat for the viewers above the age of 18, Cairo has even stocked several adult features for your viewing pleasure and his. Merry Christmas, indeed!
Nick Katsopolis: "Should we wake Bolts up for this?"
Bobby Cairo: "Nah, let him sleep. I don't want him making a mess in my chairs."
Location: FAO Schwarz, New York
Cairo, Nick and Bolts have all met up at the FAO Schwarz, where a group of dozens of underprivileged New York youths are waiting for them. Cairo is dressed up as Santa, complete with a couch cushion under his shirt to add bulk. Nick and Bolts are dressed up as Santa's helper elves. The kids are lined up one by one, waiting to sit on Santa's lap and collect their gift. Cairo, Bolts and Nick are chatting briefly before the festivities begin.
Nick Katsopolis: "Terrible news, guys. The Bulls fired Scott Skiles today."
Bolts Quackenbush: "The day before Christmas? Shit, they couldn't at least wait until the New Year?"
Bobby Cairo: "That's total bullshit. Nobody works harder than Scott does. It's not his fault the Bulls are a bunch of underachieving scrubs. He didn't put that team together. Blame the GM for not doing shit to improve the roster, but don't blame a good, solid, hard-nosed coach."
Nick Katsopolis: "I didn't mean to damper your holidays, but I just wanted you guys to find from me instead of seeing it on ESPN."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Well, let's put our game faces on. These kids need us."
Santa and his elves grab several sacks filled with toys and goodies and walk over to the kids. Santa takes his seat in the big, old Santa throne. The first kid in line is a little black kid with a scowl on his face. He jumps onto Santa's lap, but doesn't really say much.
Bobby Cairo: "Ho ho ho! Why hello there, little boy. What's your name?"
Little Black Kid: "Tyler."
Bobby Cairo: "Pleasure to meet you, Tyler. Have you been a good boy this year?"
Tyler doesn't respond. He continues to scowl.
Bobby Cairo: "Ok, what would you like for Christmas?"
Tyler: "You're not the real Santa! There's no such thing as Santa!"
Bobby Cairo: "Tyler, calm down, man. Don't ruin it for the other kids. You're right, I'm not the real Santa, I'm wrestling superstar Bobby Cairo. You know, I was a lot like you when I was a kid. There's a skeptic in every group, and I was always the skeptic."
Tyler: "You went from being a skeptic to a shitty, overrated wrestler."
Bobby Cairo: "Now that's just rude. Didn't your parents teach you any manners?"
Tyler: "My parents are dead, you prick. I live with my uncle. He works three jobs to support me and my sister."
Bobby Cairo: "I'm sorry to hear that. I'd like to help. I want to give your uncle a job with one of my construction companies. Can he do manual labor? I pay top dollar and provide full health benefits. The unions love me."
Tyler: "Are you serious? That would be awesome!"
Bobby Cairo: "Yeah, and for you and your sister, I want you to be able to have some fun this Christmas. Here's an X-Box 360 with some great games. We have Call of Duty, Assassin's Creed, Madden, The Sims, all sorts of stuff. You guys can have fun shooting Nazis and then winning the Superbowl!"
Tyler: "Thanks, Cairo Claus!"
Bobby Cairo: "No problem, Tyler. I'm simply carrying out my responsibility as a good citizen. I want you to remember that no matter what happens, you are somebody. Your voice counts, your actions count. You can make the world a better place."
During the next several hours, Santa and his elves hand out GI Joe's, Barbie's, snowboards, more video games. board games, Leapster games, CD Players, DVD players, laptop computers, clothes, gift certificates, candy, all sorts of great stuff. When it's all said and done, Cairo gathers all the kids together and gives them one more gift: Some very wise parting advice.
Bobby Cairo: "First of all, I want to thank FAO Schwarz for not only hosting this event, but especially for agreeing to match the charitable contributions of T.S.O.C. We couldn't have provided all of these wonderful gifts for the kids without their help. FAO Schwarz does great work in the community and those of us in T.S.O.C. take our hats off to you fine folks. Let's give them a hand, everybody."
Rousing applause from everybody in the store.
Bobby Cairo: "For you kids, I have a very important message that I would like to share with you all. Marilyn Manson had the right idea, but he didn't go far enough - and now he's not popular anymore. Let that be a lesson to you kids. Whether you're into the hip-hop or the pop or the rock and roll, it's important to always stand up for what you believe in. That doesn't mean shoving your beliefs down other people's throats, but it does mean that you should never compromise your principles. I have compromised myself in the past and I regret doing so. I've learned from that mistake and I will never repeat it. I want all of you kids to have a great holiday season. Have fun and treat each other with respect. Regardless of race, creed, nationality, religion or gender, we're all human beings. We all deserve love, respect and consideration. Take care of each other, kids, and have a great holiday season!"
As the kids disperse, some with their parents, others with grandparents, aunts and uncles, even nuns in charges of orphanages, each one of the kids has a twinkle in their eyes. They're all excitedly showing their gifts to each together and laughing. It's really a great sight to see. Cairo tears up a bit as the moment sinks in. Nick pats him on the shoulder.
Nick Katsopolis: "We did good, Bobby. I've never been this proud before in my life. We really made a difference today."
Bobby Cairo: "Yeah, we did. Santa comes in many shapes and sizes. Santa could be a five-foot tall Asian woman with giant knockers and the tightest little ass you've ever seen. Today, Santa was a six-foot, four-inch fool with a dream and his two best friends."
Bolts Quackenbush: "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
Bobby Cairo: "What?"
Bolts Quackenbush: "Banana nose!"
Somebody had spiked the eggnog and Bolts was drunk even earlier than usual. The three T.S.O.C. members changed back into their regular clothes in the men's room stalls. After thanking the store manager and the employees for their help, Cairo, Nick and Bolts head back to the Depot in Cairo's vintage Eldorado. Nick drives so that Cairo can play with the CD changer. Bolts is sprawled out in the back seat.
Nick Katsopolis: "You know, Bobby, it strikes me that for such an intense competitor you're really a pretty nice guy."
Bobby Cairo: "That's the difference between the good Cairo and the bad Cairo. The good Cairo sits there and hands out presents to kids. The bad Cairo wants to go into that ring next Sunday and rip Skyler Striker to shreds. Will I disembowel the man? Yes, if that's what it takes I'll do it. Will I kidnap his daughter? No, I will not do that ever again. I was wrong and I will apologize to Striker face to face before our match. But once that bell rings, all apologies go out the window. I'm trying to win the match by any means necessary. If that means jacking Striker with a sackful of pennies then so be it."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Your grandmother looks like Ron Paul. Hahaha! I hope Stuart Scott's eye injury has been a conscientious seasonal cook over the past couple of months, and taken advantage of the various gluts of fruit and vegetables that have thrown themselves at the door of his kitchen."
Date and Time: Tuesday, December 25th, 2:06 AM
Location: Cairo's Mansion, Hartford, Connecticut
After a day of good work for the people, it's time for the members of T.S.O.C. to relax. Cairo, Nick and Bolts have been relaxing all right, with a bottle of vodka and stories about the golden age of wrestling. Sammartino and Kowalski, Backlund and Graham, Flair and Steamboat, Bolts was there for all of it and he regales the much younger Cairo and Nick with tales of legendary wrestling feuds and matches of yesteryear. Though Bolts' words are slurred by his intoxication, it doesn't hinder the knowledge and wisdom of a great wrestling mind.
Bobby Cairo: "Man, those are some great stories. I just hope that I can add my name to that legacy."
Bolts Quackenbush: "It's a different game these days, at least in America. The technical style of wrestling has given way to adolescent hijinks. You have to carry the torch, Bobby. You need to make people think, you need to tell a story in that ring. Don't let the fans settle for some cheap, instant gratification."
Bobby Cairo: "I hear you, Bolts."
Nick Katsopolis: "What is this stuff called, Svedka? I didn't know the Swedes made vodka."
Bolts Quackenbush: "Oh yeah, most of your Scandinavian countries are major players in the vodka distillery business. It's cold as fuck over there, the vodka warms them up. Then you snuggle up with your Nordic cutie, fuck her in the ass a few times. It's a beautiful thing."
Bobby Cairo: "Hahaha! I love this guy! He's a jam up guy. You're a jam up guy, Bolts!"
Nick Katsopolis: "Jam up guy? What the hell are you talking about?"
Bobby Cairo: "That's what Bret Hart said about El Dandy."
Nick Katsopolis: "Oh right, who are you to doubt El Dandy? Now I remember. Whatever happened to El Dandy?"
Bobby Cairo: "I think he owns a carwash with La Parka and Super Calo. I've seen them down there on Rodeo Drive."
Nick Katsopolis: "Rodeo Drive? When were you in LA?"
Bobby Cairo: "I'm dating Amy Winehouse, man. I get around."
Cairo gestures with his hands.
Bobby Cairo: "All around."
Nick Katsopolis: "Whatever. I have my eye on Jen Milano."
Bobby Cairo: "Jen Milano, is that Alyssa's sister?"
Nick Katsopolis: "No, she's a girl from school."
Bobby Cairo: "Which school?"
Nick Katsopolis: "We used to go to high school together."
Bobby Cairo: "That was almost ten years ago."
Nick Katsopolis: "I've bumped into her a few times at the market. We chat with each other. I think she wants me."
Bobby Cairo: "Cool. It's been awhile since you got laid, right?"
Nick uses his fingers to count.
Nick Katsopolis: "Yeah, six months."
Bobby Cairo: "Good luck with that."
Nick Katsopolis: "Thanks. Good luck with Amy Winehouse. By the way, is she coming over here for Christmas?"
Bobby Cairo: "Nah, she's on tour. We talked on the phone the other day. She's been doing better lately. She's really cleaned herself up after that whole "crying" incident."
Nick Katsopolis: "Yeah, that was unfortunate, but it's good to hear that she's doing better."
Bobby Cairo: "You guys are gonna stay here tonight and join us for dinner tomorrow, right?"
Nick Katsopolis: "Well, Bolts is passed out so I don't think he's going anywhere. Yeah, what the hell, I'll stick around. You wanna match a movie in the theater?"
Bobby Cairo: "Hmmm... I should probably get some sleep, I have a long day of cooking ahead of me. But yeah, why not? I can stay up all night drinking and watching movies."
Nick and Cairo shuffle off to the theater where such current hits as I Am Legend and The Great Debaters are available for screening. As a treat for the viewers above the age of 18, Cairo has even stocked several adult features for your viewing pleasure and his. Merry Christmas, indeed!
Nick Katsopolis: "Should we wake Bolts up for this?"
Bobby Cairo: "Nah, let him sleep. I don't want him making a mess in my chairs."
