Post by FPV on Apr 11, 2012 22:27:42 GMT -5
Welcome to fucking Phoenix, Arizona!
Arizona: A state that has been plagued with many issues recently, such as the immigration identification debacle. Perhaps because of that, a few people believe Phoenix to be an epicenter of Mexican stereotypes.
One of those men is Super FPV.
Of all the things he could be doing to scout out his opponnent, WCF Hall of Famer Gravedigger, Super FPV has decided to check himself into a motherfucking Home Depot. Will hilarity ensue? We'll have to see about that.
Arizona: A state that has been plagued with many issues recently, such as the immigration identification debacle. Perhaps because of that, a few people believe Phoenix to be an epicenter of Mexican stereotypes.
One of those men is Super FPV.
Of all the things he could be doing to scout out his opponnent, WCF Hall of Famer Gravedigger, Super FPV has decided to check himself into a motherfucking Home Depot. Will hilarity ensue? We'll have to see about that.
It’s Monday, April 10th, 2012. The location: Phoenix, Arizona. The camera pans down to reveal the Home Depot store. Today is a fairly busy day, with many people arriving inside the store to buy various items. Women are coming to buy gardening tools, men are coming to buy paints and power tools and the like. There is something for everyone here. The camera cuts to the inside, where sitting on a lawn chair specifically marked “Do Not Sit” is Super FPV, hands down, head down, not paying attention to anything. He’s not in his usual get-up here, today he’s wearing more “Normal” clothes: a pair of slightly torn up blue jeans, with paint covering a few spots. He’s also wearing a flannel shirt, unbuttoned to reveal a dirty white undershirt, and to cap it all off, an Arizona Cardinals cap, to blend in with everyone else. FPV raises his head and opens his eyes, noticing the camera, as he begins to speak.
FPV: You know, this place needs to advertise its shit better. For some reason, as I was walking inside, I saw absolutely no sign of where to buy immigrants to help you fix your house and some such. I mean, this place is known as the place that immigrants like to come to for a new life. I’d expect them to be here, but who knows, maybe they’re just restocking, I guess.
FPV shrugs and gets up from the chair. Some of the shoppers have heard his racist remarks and are giving him dirty looks, giving him the evil eye. He merely responds with a cheeky grin. He goes to the front of the store to get a shopping cart, and then walks around the store, until he gets to the garden section. He walks the aisles browsing the items for sale.
FPV: Hmmm, let’s see, what am I gonna’ need Friday. OOH, I’ma need me one o’ these!
FPV picks up this semi large rake, and puts it in the cart, pushing forward. Next he comes across a big shovel, and his eyes radiate glee as he sticks that in the cart as well.
FPV: Now… I’mma need me a trashcan, to place the remains in once I’ve cremated his ass
FPV wanders around some more until he finds an assortment of different trashcans. Some are the plastic kind, while some are the classic metal cans. FPV gets one of the metal ones and makes room for it in the cart. FPV buys a few more items, until hos cart is completly filled with items. Footsteps can be heard behind FPV.
LOGAN: Well, well, well..
Logan appears, walking up beside FPV. The two slap hands.
FPV: Shit bruh, s'appenning?
LOGAN: Nothing much, putting boudles in their places, the usual. Did you see that boudle referee ring the bell during my hand spasm last Sunday? I didn’t tap out, damnit!
FPV: Y'see, there are reasons why I don't try to masturbate in the ring, and that's one of them!
Logan disappointedly shakes his head.
LOGAN: Whatever dude. Have fun taking that boudle-goomba Gravedigger to Headshot City. That trashcan has a lot of nerve if he even shows up for this match. I mean, really, how many whooping’s it going to take to shut the lid on this trashcan. That’s the problem with boudles like Gravedigger, they just don’t know when to stop being boudles. I guess he can’t help it, can’t really blame the trashy son of a bitch. Speaking of boudles, did you hear who Doc and I were facing this week, the damn Weed Homies. What in the hell? I mean, yeah, I got fired for smoking weed a month or two ago.. but ya know, I was playing Chris Avery, trying to get into character. I’m a damn method actor, babygurl. THESE boudles however breathe it in like oxygen. I’d be surprised if they don’t get lost on the way to the ring. Dude, where’s my match? SHUT UP!
The two share a bit of a laugh.
LOGAN: So that’s what we’ll do babygurl. The ToT needs itself a flawless victory this week, no more hand spasms during submission holds, that boudle shit isn’t going to happen again. No, no, the ToT is taking out the trash this week! We’ll take care of them Weed Homies faster than Jay Price can choke a world title match. And, Gravedigger, if you need help with that boudle you let me know. I’ll come out there and take that bitch to Connector City so hard his little MS-13 Taco Bell homies will be shitting bean burritos. But we both know you don’t even need my help do ya? You got that Gravedigger garbage and you’re hauling it to the can, I can see it now, and you’re stuffing that trash down into the bottom of the maggot infested boudle can and there it will sit – there it will sit until the trash truck of treachery comes along and hauls it to Connector City where all the other piles of boudle trash are!
He grins, slapping Super FPV on the super ass before walking off towards the lumber area.
LOGAN: Whoop that stank ass, FPV, whoops it! Oh, hey.. babygurl..
Captain Treachery has bumped into a female looking over two by fours.
LOGAN: You need some help with my wood?
BABYGURL: You work here?
LOGAN: Damn right, and I’ll be working that ass later tonight babygur-
She turns Logan’s cheek leaving a red handprint behind. He glares at her, slapping her back.
LOGAN: That was real classy you trailer bitch.
She goes to storm away but Logan grabs her by the neck, locks her in a sleeper, and gives her a Connector right there in Home Depot! Logan runs off before anybody can call the police. FPV just looks on in disbelieve, then shakes his head.
FPV: Y'know, in a strange way I feel sorry for the both of them.
Then, out the corner of his eye, FPV notices a line of nothing but latino males in line to check out. However, in his mind, he thinks that they're just standing waiting to be bought. He starts jumping up and down.
FPV: I KNEW IT! I KNEW THEY SOLD IMMIGRANTS OVER HERE! I FUCKING KNEW IT!
All the men in line here FPVs outburst and all look at him disgustingly, one even yelling out "PUTA!" to him, although he can't speak spanosh, he takes it as a compliment. A store manager comes up to FPV, looking pretty pissed off.
MANAGER: Sir, I'm gonna' ask you to leave the store. Your racist remarks are unwelcome here.
FPV looks at the manager indignified, as if the manager had just personally insulted him.
FPV: WHOA THERE, GOOMBA. I'm actually here to buy shit, y'know.
The manager sighs and holds his face in his hands, before looking at FPV with an annoyed look.
MANAGER: You know what, just take your shit and leave. My fuckin' treat.
A large grin pops up on FPVs face.
FPV: Why thank you good sir!. I'll be right on my way!
FPV takes his cart and wheels it out the store, saying something about "excellan customer service" and whatnot.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following audio recording was made on FPVs flight to Japan.
"I've always wanted to go to Japan. You wouldn't believe the respect I have for their culture. And I'm not just saying that because Japan is the home of Nintendo, oh no, I love all aspects of Japan. The action flicks, the anime, THE FOOD! Deaer God the food is awesome. If I had the oppurtunity to move to Japan, believe me, I'd do it in a fuckin heartbeat. I seriously can't wait to land.
I was thinking about that a while ago, and then it hit me just how sad it is that I respect the country I'll be fighting in more then I respect my opponnent. Seriously, the amount of respect I had for Gravedigger went down the toilet faster then some of Logans potential children after a mad jerk-off session. The man has done nothing but prove to the ToT that he's just a pissed off man in a business suit and facepaint.
When Corey first announced this match for XIII, I was excited as all hell. I was like "WOWEE, I GET TO KICK THE HARDCORE CHAMPIONS ASS IN FUCKING JAPAN. FUCKIN' YAY!" A bit has changed since then. First off, I'm the ToT, kicking ass and taking names. Secondly, Gravedigger has lost the Hardcore title to a man about as insane as Charles Manson, Oblivion. Now tell me, which one of those two sounds more impressive, A or B? A, you say? Right you are, you get bonus points on the test and a cookie. To those that answered B, you recieve an F - - for the semester and may god have mercy on your soul.
Gravedigger, you may have mattered at one point in time, heck, you might believe that you are still relevent today. But here's a reality check. YOU'RE NOT! I'm what matters to the WCF now, because I'm what the fans want to see, not a bunch of immigrants you picked up in Arizona. Speaking of Arizona, I took a quick trip to Phoenix before leaving the states for Japan, and I must say that it fucking SUCKS. Although the Home Depot did give me my stuff for free, so I can't complain about that.
Oh, you don't know what I bought? Well, lemme tell you. First I bought a pretty nicely sized rake, to bash over your freakin hollow as hell skull. I also got a shovel, to both whack you with and to dig your grave. And no, you're corpse a'int gonna be uglycause by the time I'm done, the cremation would have gotten rid of that. And the casket for your ashes? A nice, big metal trashcan. From a trashcan who won't shur up, to dead inside a trashcan? Now that's a damn improvement if you ask me.
So ' Diggs you sayin' you ain't got nothing to lose, hah, I beg to fuckin' differ! You sure as hell got something to lose here. You're gonna lose what little reputation you have left. Although, quite frankly, so much of it is gone it's barely noticable, so I'd understand why you'd forget about it, but still, it's there, albeit mostly spread amongst your little mexican regime MS-13, and only cause you're paying them by the hour to both protect and respect your elderly ass.
You said without the ToT, I'm powerless, sayin' I can't do anything on my own. I would like to beg to differ on that as well! Remember about a month ago who was United States champion? Yep, I was. And I beat D-Day all by myself tto do it. Didn't need Logan to help me, didn't need Seth to help me, didn't need anyone to help me. I did that shit on my own, cause I actually have the work ethic deserving of a champion. You? You had to hide behind a mask to beat Oblivion, just like when you were Hector Rodrieguez.
Yeah, I did my homework, I know about your boudliest phase yet. Seth fired you for fucking running this place into the ground, but you couldn't handle the failure, so you his behind a mask to keep yourself on TV. Bro, Hulk Hogan did that shit better with that whole Mr. America shtick, that's how bad it was. Anyone can hide behind a madk to get themselves noticed. I, however, have never needed to stoop so low, simply because I'm just too good to need one. I don't need to hide like a pussy to get places, I just do it out in the ocean.
And still, after everything I just mentioned, somewhere in my mind you still believe you can beat me. Bring me pain and suffering the likes of which I have never experianced before.
BULLSHIT, I stopped giving a shit about pain a long time ago, fucker.
Honestly, you could nail me to a fucking cross Friday in the middle of our march, and you still wouldn't get me to care. I'd say to you "Yeah bro, just chillin' on a cross, not giving a fuck. What're you doing?" You want further proof that I don't give a shit about pain? How about you take the fact that I willingly put myself into an Euthanasia Chamber march at Aftermath, knowing full well that I won't come back the same way I came in. DO NOT. GIVE A FUCK. ABOUT PAIN.
So 'Diggs, if you're gonna try and take me down at XIII, I'll be praying to God that your brittle bones don't give out on you and shstter. Cause if I'm gonna beat down old men in the ring, I might as well keep it interestuing for myself. Be ready. Be FUCKING ready."
