No Cure For Cancer Apr 8, 2012 21:38:25 GMT -5
Post by Odin Balfore on Apr 8, 2012 21:38:25 GMT -5
No Cure For Cancer
* We open up to an outside view of the Odin Balfore Estate; quickly the camera fades and reopens to the closed cherry hardwood door that is Odin Balfore’s office. The camera zooms in on the golden plague that adorns the doors that reads. Mr. Balfore, Odin, B.M.F. The camera pans out slightly as the door opens and we can see Odin sitting behind a large oak desk in his classic blue suit and tie, feet kicked up on the desk as looks over a stack of papers. Odin notices the camera with a passing glance then goes back to reading the documents for a moment before deciding to address the camera. *
* chuckle. *
* chuckle, chuckle. *
* Odin bursts out laughing for a moment, burying his face in the crook of his elbow and pounds his fists on the desk before suddenly returning his gaze to the camera, stone faced as if the laughter never happened. *
This is what you bring to me? I thought that I was going to be in for something interesting. Something with a bit more meaning but alas, once again, much like every other time, you disappoint me. I heard that I was getting some hardcore mystery opponent for Thirteen but instead of someone worth my name, you put me up against this. Lance Norman? Who the fuck is Lance Norman? What the fuck is IWF? See Black, this is what I have been saying for a year now. You and people like you; people like Lance know nothing of the wrestling world. Black, you know nothing of the world from which I came from, where the low mid card makes the main eventers in WCF and the entire roster of IWF, look like a class of epileptic retards at a Pink Floyd laser light show. You send me Lance Norman. You send me the walking embodiment of Pathetic. I cannot remember when I laid eyes upon a sadder looking man then him. I would expect more from a fed head. I would expect more respect, conversation that is more intelligent and shit talk, if you can call repeating the words of every single individual to come up against me that found themselves at a loss for words- “shit talk.” I would expect more but then I remembered whom I was dealing with. Corey Black, a man that has less then ZERO experience outside of WCF. Corey Black, who does not realize that there two kinds of promotions in the world. Corey Black, the man who thinks he’s king shit of the world because Seth Lerch pulled me aside and told me to JOB to you at the ONE Pay Per View because there was talk that you might not be here in coming months. I was asked to do your legacy a solid. I did. I did and here you are crying in the very same pillow that you bite on a weekly basis. Black, you and me one V. one, just the two of us, the one time it did happen. What Happened? You know what happened. You know that I put you right out of your WCF misery. that is why you went to IWF. You went to another promotion because you KNEW with out a single solitary doubt in your mind that as long as I was around, you were not the best. So you left. Then you came back when the world saw you for what you really were. Number two compared to Odin Balfore. Then ONE happened, I did the job to pad your ass then I came back in February and took you out of WCF YET AGAIN! So what did you do? Lance Norman. HA!
* Odin chuckles again as he slams his open palm on the table. *
You set up a match between the former head of a company and I whom I have never heard of up until recently to come back here at your Pay Per View to avenge your bruised ego. Tell me, does Supa FPV write your stuff because this just sounds like a romance book gone wrong. BLACK, I am tougher then you, I am meaner then you, I am better then you. Accept it and move on. You cannot though so let us throw in something else. Let us throw in the honor of IWF; just add that into the mix and let me just say that the honor is in fact, all yours.
Lance, is it? Cute. I saw your little promo and saw you get really agitated, excited and frustrated over my passing comments about your so-called wrestling promotion. you got mad over the fact that I said if I went to IWF, it would be like an invasion an I am right. Hell I could just take Philip Baines with me an it would be all over for your weak and pathetic crew. This match though, this match right here.
* Odin points down at the desk. *
You lost it before it even got booked. Don’t believe me? Look at the facts. You, Lance Norman are so enraged, offended and emotional shaken that you have to take it upon yourself to defend the honor of your company against the words of some… What did you call me? Xena warrior princess? Yeah because you are not the one drinking the kool aide.
* Sarcasm. *
How are you or anyone else in IWF better then me? Are you going to rattle off generic trash after clichéd garbage? Are you going to talk about my “gimmick?” Truly, Lance, you have nothing. You came to a company that you know to exist because Corey Black; whose probably already a world champion in your “pro” company. You came to WCF to fight a man you have heard terrible stories about. Terrible stories. The stories that one out of ten people could tell you because unlike Corey Black, you and your little IWF, I am renowned the world over, be it good or bad. Good or bad, the world knows of Odin Balfore.
That is your real issue is not it. That the world knows of me for either being the Bad Motha Fucka that I am or the fact that I have been known to have a little bit of fun from time to time. Either way, they have heard of me. You have heard of me yet no one even knows you exist. That must make you feel just awful. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
* Odin shakes his head, reclining in the chair for a moment, rubbing his thumb and forefinger together to simulate a violin being played. *
Tell me; how’s it feel to be like everybody else? It is not pride that brings you here Lance, its Envy. You heard that Odin Balfore whipped out his five foot, two inch, one hundred pound cock and pissed gasoline ALL over your company and at thirteen, I’m going to take a match too it and burn your shit to the ground. Is that where you got the brilliant idea? I can see it now:
* Odin changes his voice to a nasally whine. *
“Odin Balfore? “ you say as your ears perk up. “Odin Balfore, he’s like one of the best in the world. “ Then you stand up from you are Wal-Mart lawn chair and declare with shallow bravado “Odin Balfore must pay!”
* Odin’s voice goes back to normal. *
Ha-ha. What does that tell you about me? That the comments of this one man, the man who supposedly does not know the different between reality and fantasy, can have such a dramatic effect on an ENTIRE company that is supposedly better then anything I could ever accomplish? The difference by the way is Memorex.
* Sorry kids, dated reference. *
In all honesty, that is the position that you are in. Whatever cheep shots you are going to make are made out of simple and petty jealousy. Just like Corey Black, the same man that probably rallied you into this match. I know the difference between real and fantasy. It is called Computer Generated Graphics. I actually have the personal bankroll to pull off some incredibly elaborate visual effects, unlike the entire budget of your esteemed ERHM, company.. I am sure. You are jealous that in twelve years of being the best big man in this industries history, I piss away more money in a year then what IWF is worth. You are jealous that I have a raccoon for a pet and that he’s actually done very well in that ring. What’s more important though is that you are sacred of the influence that my words bring. The weight of my words are heavier then anything you or anyone else in your no name, no brand, no talent, Weeping Death, Corey Broken, piece of shit, pussy ass wrestling company could ever imagine.
That is what all this breaks down to. You think by defeating me, you’ll be able to hang a banner over IWF like the high school home coming that will proclaim IWF as the company that silenced Odin Balfore. Now before you let that thought go to your head. All that would mean is that Odin Balfore is truly better and more important then anything you or anyone in your company will ever accomplish, including Corey Broken.
Do you honestly think that beating me will do anything for you except make you out to be the sniveling little bitches that you are?
* Odin goes back to the nasal whine.*
“Well we beat you in WCF. “
* Voice goes back to normal. *
Very true but you cannot truly defeat Surtr. You cannot truly defeat Odin Balfore. I believed that Broken referred to me once before as a cancer? Now Lance, truly that is no gimmick. I am a cancer. I am terminal. I have spoken ill of your less then impressive, barely sub par mediocre bullshit of a company and you feel compelled with every fiber of your being to come over here to WCF, a place that you have no business being in. A place you do not belong in. A place that you cannot comprehend the true depth of… To attempt… To kill… Odin Balfore. That in of itself is sentence that carries a fate worse then death.
* Odin starts clapping slowly, which echoes through out the room. *
Bravo, bravo indeed. Unfortunately, for you, there is no true cure for cancer. There is no tried and true method of shutting me up, making me pay or even embarrassing me. With all the dumb shit, I do and say on an hourly basis, you think losing to IWF would be embarrassing? I would not be embarrassed, I would be disgusted because you are just about of leeches, attached to the sack of Corey Broken, and a man who cannot get over himself and accept that Ill always be leaps and bounds ahead of him. Who came here though, to show me what a true wrestling promotion is? Well Lance. YOU came to it. Remember that. YOU came to WCF! YOU Lance Norman came to fight ME. I did not come to you. I didn’t not because I’m sacred, sorry to burst your cum bubble. I did not go to IWF because it is not worth my time. Its you however that came here because a match against Odin Balfore in WCF is worth the entire life spans, a million fold of all your would be superstars. It is their hopes and dreams that ride on this match. If you go ask GD or Logan, they do not give a shit about me. In fact, I bet they‘d be right there with you. Then again, there is that jealousy thing. You mentioned KJE, who the fuck is KJE in the grand scheme of WCF? Oh yes, a fucking mid carder. Have I torn your “great” company down enough yet? No? Well then… Allow me to continue.
* Odin clears his throat. *
You said fancy colors and websites do not make a company. Seth Lerch refuses to update the decades old graphics that some guy made in M.S. paint. If that’s what you call fancy graphics, then I’d love to see what your fed looks like.
* Odin Balfore’s sarcasm strikes again. *
You talk about how interesting matches and promos don’t make a company? Don’t make a company? Are you fucking serious? You must be because the entire tone of statement was serious. Hell, it was beyond serious. It was Adam young, Superfan, serious AND let me tell you…
* Odin wags his finger. *
It does not get anymore serious then that. So I do not know what kind of supa dupa interwebs wrestling promotion you have been running. If you think for one second that interesting matches and story lines DO NOT make a good promotion, then you might as well hand in your shit in and go back to work shoveling now and sharpening skates in what ever back water town you come from.
Let me clue you in on a little tip. Those matches and story lines that you already praised as being more entertaining an over all, just better then anything you have ever produced over there… It is what wrestling’s all about. One of the reasons you are over here. The feud between Black, and me it is the prime example. You are here because Corey Black and I have had five star wrestling matches. You are here because We have had interesting story lines and promo work. Again, Lance, you are here because of me.
YOU, you are the step up? Look around you Lance; this is the very top of the wrestling world. This companies forty plus man roster is because of me. This match is because of me. Your company’s entire reputation, not mine but your company’s ENTIRE reputation is on the line because of… ME…
Ya Lance… The verdicts out. No matter what you do or say, you have Kurt Kobain’ed yourself in front of the entire world. That IWF is in no way comparable, let alone better then WCF and everything I just told you are exactly why you will never defeat Odin Balfore. Do not take as a bad thing, that is just life and as much as fate hates me, it obviously hates you just match much more. Why? Because… You actually have to step into that ring with me on Sunday. You must have forgotten. You have to step into the ring with arguably one of the greatest men to grace WCF. You have to go up against the man who beat the ever-loving shit out of your beloved champion not once but twice and caused him to leave WCF. You are going up against Odin Balfore, a man whose name and legacy go beyond myth. You are going up against the Cancer of wrestling, to which you will not make it out, alive because Ragnarok… Hell, Lance. When I grab you around the neck and squeeze with a grip that can crush sand into diamonds and your face goes purple and your eyes bulge out of your skull, blood shot and teary. You will remember every single word that I said about your shit bum of a company. You will remember every single word you said about WCF and me as I lift, you up and you look around the arena… You will know that those fans are not there to see you beat me but rather I dominate yet another sad and helpless victim. You think you are coming to do the impossible. They all know that for me its just another day at the office. For you it will be the best day of your life when I break your back over my knee but for me, it’s just Friday.
So when you get the air crushed out of you like the gel from a toothpaste tube and the ref counts the slowest three second of your entire life. You will plead with god, telling him you are sorry for getting yourself into the dumbest situation you have ever gotten yourself into. You’ll beg for a sign. Then you hear it.. My name announced over the PA system. You have your new god because at the perils of Oblivion, everyone finds god. Well, you just found yours an I will not be so fucking kind.
Lance Norman, Ragnarok is coming .. And my Victory in its wake.
There is a shed of light out of his dark and dismal quagmire you’ve gotten yourself into. Come Saturday you can go back to IWF and tell them stories of how you stepped into the ring with the Baddest Motha Fucka in all of wrestling. Its with a stern but sorrowful tone you’ll tell your boys..
“ Sorry, I’ve tried.. But we aren’t WCF and none of you are Odin Balfore. “
So Lance Norman, IWF; Get. On. My. Level - but there is not enough “step up’s “in IWF to even begin that journey.
Oh and um… After this Corey Broken, consider the score, three- one, Balfore.
So I have spoken.. So it shall… come to pass..