Feedback on my first RP.

[Deleted]

My first RP is up. It is entitled "A Worthy Introduction" Any advice or feedback would be very much appreciated.

[Deleted]

It was a nice introduction to the character. You had good, detailed description that set the scene effectively. We learned a bit about Waylon's history, which was nice. I have to admit that I chuckled after the part where he was talking about his early wrestling days and how he worked harder than everybody else, then he says "I am the definition of the word champion!" while he's puffing on a cigarette.

I would've like to have seen more dialogue specifically regarding your opponent. What are the flaws that you see in him as a competitor? Why are you so confident that you're going to beat him? Why did you want to wrestle him in your debut? I think that touching upon those ideas, or expanding upon them would have made the shoot portion of the RP more effective.

Overall, as I said, this was a good starting point for the character and I'm excited to see where you go from here.

[Deleted]

Thank you very much Bobby. Also, the cigarette/working his ass off thing is part of his character. His real flaws come in the fact that no matter how hard he works at other things, he can't control his vices. Of course that will be coming out much more in the weeks to come. Intros are a bitch, but thanks so much for your feedback.