Post by FPV on Jan 22, 2012 16:02:51 GMT -5
It's showtime at the Funtime Circus in Pennsylvania, and there's a packed tent. The regular show-timey circus plays over the loudspeakers, as the performers get ready in their tents, such as the bearded lady, the elephants, and my personal favorite, the human canonball. But of special note are the various clowns at this circus. One, Dicky, has half a head of hair and a giant bald spot where the rest should be, one, Skippy looks like he had a little to much fun in the makeup room, having complex patterns painted onto his face, and another, Drippy who appears to be dressed as a dwarf. This is one...very strange assortment of people. Nevertheless, the lights go out, it's showtime!
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Down the road, a white gran torino is speeding down to the circus location. It's bad enough that the passengers spent the time and effort to get here, but if this lead turns up dry they'll have wasted all their time and effort. They finally reach the parking lot, the driver, Mr. FPV steps out, and lyrics can be heard omnipotently in one's head.
Who's the white private dick
Who foils crime just for kicks?
(FRANK!)
You're damn right
Who is the man
That can snap a brothers neck man?
(FRANK!)
Can ya dig it?
You see this dude Frank is a bad mother--
(SHUT YOUR MOUTH!)
But I'm talkin' about Frank
(THEN WE CAN DIG IT!)
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Cut back to the Gran Torino, where FPV is still driving down the road, losing his train of thought after his epic daydreaming. He regains focus and pulls over in the parking lot where the tent is located. He and Helms step out, Helms looking a little hesitant.
Helms: You sure there's heat over here? Looks pretty normal to me.
FPV: Exactly.
Helms: (confused) Huh?!
FPV: Just follow me.
FPV walks around the large tent to the backstage area, Helms following him.
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The three clowns reenter the backstage area, most of their paint rinsed of with sweat and soda water. They're all laughing with each other, until they look ahead and see FPV and Helms standing behind some large crates.
FPV: Don't even try to deny anything, we know what's up.
Helms: Correction, YOU know what's up, I don't.
FPV: Shut up old man.
Dicky: What da fuck you talkin' bout bruh, we just trying to earn a living man.
FPV: Really? Earn a living...or fund an addiction?
FPV kicks down one of the crates, busting it. Large amounts of crack begin puring out of the open crate. Skippys eyes widen in terror.
Skippy: How did you know about this? HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?!
FPV: Meh, just a guess. I never liked clowns anyway.
As he finishes his sentence, FPV grabs a roll of electrical tape. Skippy begins to run out back to the show tent. Many fans have not left yet, and are surprised to see the clown back, believing to be seeing an encore. However, they just become confused when FPV runs out and takes down Skippy, knocking him out with some hits to the temple. FPV begins to wrap up Skippy in tape when Helms brings out Dicky in handcuffs.
Dicky: You got a lot of nerve comming out here and snatching up us innocent clowns. We could be crazy freaks and you don't even know it!
FPV: (still wrapping Skippy)What kind of crazy? Serial killer crazy or Insane Clown Posse-pussy crazy?
Dicky: .....
FPV: I thought so. Besides, if you've ever seen Switches, you wouldn't be talking so big.
Dicky: Who?
FPV: (sigh) I really don't have the time to be explaining anything, so I'll just dump you in the trunk and leave it at that.
FPV finishes wrapping up Skippy, and shoves what's left of the tape into his pocket. He then grabs Skippy by the legs and drags him out of the tent and into the parking lot. Behind him Helms pushes Dicky forward. They stop at the Gran Torino, as FPV opens the trunk. Helms then lifts Dicky up slighlty off the ground and slips him into the the trunk. Before Dicky can say anything, FPV shuts the trunk door. FPV then grabs Skippy (who can be heard screaming, although the tape muffles it a bit) by the neck, as Helms opens the door for FPV to put him in. After Helms closes the door FPV looks at him.
FPV: Hey...wasn't there another one of these guys?
Helms: Yeah well, the thing that was in his crate wasn't illegal, just...disturbing.
FPV just looks at Helms with a "What The Fuck?" look on his face, before just slowly nodding and getting into the car.
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FPV and Helms are driving down a long road, with almost nothing in sight for at least a few more miles. Skippy can be heard in the back, screaming hysterically.
Helms: So...what is it with you and this Switches guy anyway.
FPV: Me and switches, we go back. I didn't even think I knew the guy, I just thought he was a crazy clown. Then I found who he really was.
Helms: And...who was he?!
FPV pauses for a minute to gather his thoughts.
FPV: Almost a year ago, I was wrestling my second match in the WCF. It was at Timebomb, and it was a triple threat match for the hardcore title. The first opponent in the match was John, this...redneck kind of guy. The first of several I would have to face, dear lord. The second...oh the second was much more of a challenge.
His name was Greenfever. I never knew what his real name was, in fact, I don't think he even had a real name. He was an inmate at this asylum run by some quake named Dr. Heil. He let Greenfever wrestle in WCF as a mental test or something. Greenfever never called himself by name, always by "God", and his promos were...to be honest, his promos were nightmarish.
I was just shocked you know, that they would let this murdering fuck actually wrestle on national TV. So come match time, I tried everything I could to full out destroy him. I didn't even care about the fact that the title was on the line, or that john was in the match, I just wanted to put Greenfever in his place.
Helms: Did you win?
FPV looks down at the steering wheel and lets out a long deep sigh. Helms knows the answer to his question immediately.
FPV: After I lost, I made a promise to myself, I would not rest until I had brought this abomination down and made sure he never again came to haunt the WCF. I never got that chance.
Helms looks at FPV, interested.
FPV: About a month later, Greenfever was killed in a flatliner match by Phillip Baines, another I've vowed to defeat but never did. I was in the building when the match happenned, and when I saw them pushing away the stretcher he was on, seeing his lifeless body roll away, I thought I had seen the last of him. I mean, the motherfucker had his EYE BLOWN APART BY NEEDLES. So I moved on, just doing my job, wreslting jobbers and rednecks and such, until XIII.
When Corey announced that Greenfever would be taking part in the War Games match a XIII, I was skeptical. Greenfevers dead, how can he wrestle. Well, turns out, Greenfever's been wrestling as his alternate personality Switches the Clown ever since WAR.
Helms: Wait, the motherfucker is actually alive?
FPV: I have no idea how, but yes, he's alive. And I'm facing him Sunday.
Helms: ...
FPV: Do you see what this is? Greenfevers back, and he's terrorising WCF yet again. This is it! This is my chance to make good on my promise to end Greenfever once and for all! I don't even give a crap that a title shot is on the line, fuck, I don't even care if he wrestles as Switches and doesn't even remember who I am. I'm cool with that, because after I'm through with him, he'll fucking know who I am!
They pass by a sign saying "Next town 1/2 mile ahead" as they speed down the horizon, ready to drop off their catches for the day.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Down the road, a white gran torino is speeding down to the circus location. It's bad enough that the passengers spent the time and effort to get here, but if this lead turns up dry they'll have wasted all their time and effort. They finally reach the parking lot, the driver, Mr. FPV steps out, and lyrics can be heard omnipotently in one's head.
Who's the white private dick
Who foils crime just for kicks?
(FRANK!)
You're damn right
Who is the man
That can snap a brothers neck man?
(FRANK!)
Can ya dig it?
You see this dude Frank is a bad mother--
(SHUT YOUR MOUTH!)
But I'm talkin' about Frank
(THEN WE CAN DIG IT!)
-----------------------------------------------------------
Cut back to the Gran Torino, where FPV is still driving down the road, losing his train of thought after his epic daydreaming. He regains focus and pulls over in the parking lot where the tent is located. He and Helms step out, Helms looking a little hesitant.
Helms: You sure there's heat over here? Looks pretty normal to me.
FPV: Exactly.
Helms: (confused) Huh?!
FPV: Just follow me.
FPV walks around the large tent to the backstage area, Helms following him.
------------------------------------------------------------
The three clowns reenter the backstage area, most of their paint rinsed of with sweat and soda water. They're all laughing with each other, until they look ahead and see FPV and Helms standing behind some large crates.
FPV: Don't even try to deny anything, we know what's up.
Helms: Correction, YOU know what's up, I don't.
FPV: Shut up old man.
Dicky: What da fuck you talkin' bout bruh, we just trying to earn a living man.
FPV: Really? Earn a living...or fund an addiction?
FPV kicks down one of the crates, busting it. Large amounts of crack begin puring out of the open crate. Skippys eyes widen in terror.
Skippy: How did you know about this? HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?!
FPV: Meh, just a guess. I never liked clowns anyway.
As he finishes his sentence, FPV grabs a roll of electrical tape. Skippy begins to run out back to the show tent. Many fans have not left yet, and are surprised to see the clown back, believing to be seeing an encore. However, they just become confused when FPV runs out and takes down Skippy, knocking him out with some hits to the temple. FPV begins to wrap up Skippy in tape when Helms brings out Dicky in handcuffs.
Dicky: You got a lot of nerve comming out here and snatching up us innocent clowns. We could be crazy freaks and you don't even know it!
FPV: (still wrapping Skippy)What kind of crazy? Serial killer crazy or Insane Clown Posse-pussy crazy?
Dicky: .....
FPV: I thought so. Besides, if you've ever seen Switches, you wouldn't be talking so big.
Dicky: Who?
FPV: (sigh) I really don't have the time to be explaining anything, so I'll just dump you in the trunk and leave it at that.
FPV finishes wrapping up Skippy, and shoves what's left of the tape into his pocket. He then grabs Skippy by the legs and drags him out of the tent and into the parking lot. Behind him Helms pushes Dicky forward. They stop at the Gran Torino, as FPV opens the trunk. Helms then lifts Dicky up slighlty off the ground and slips him into the the trunk. Before Dicky can say anything, FPV shuts the trunk door. FPV then grabs Skippy (who can be heard screaming, although the tape muffles it a bit) by the neck, as Helms opens the door for FPV to put him in. After Helms closes the door FPV looks at him.
FPV: Hey...wasn't there another one of these guys?
Helms: Yeah well, the thing that was in his crate wasn't illegal, just...disturbing.
FPV just looks at Helms with a "What The Fuck?" look on his face, before just slowly nodding and getting into the car.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
FPV and Helms are driving down a long road, with almost nothing in sight for at least a few more miles. Skippy can be heard in the back, screaming hysterically.
Helms: So...what is it with you and this Switches guy anyway.
FPV: Me and switches, we go back. I didn't even think I knew the guy, I just thought he was a crazy clown. Then I found who he really was.
Helms: And...who was he?!
FPV pauses for a minute to gather his thoughts.
FPV: Almost a year ago, I was wrestling my second match in the WCF. It was at Timebomb, and it was a triple threat match for the hardcore title. The first opponent in the match was John, this...redneck kind of guy. The first of several I would have to face, dear lord. The second...oh the second was much more of a challenge.
His name was Greenfever. I never knew what his real name was, in fact, I don't think he even had a real name. He was an inmate at this asylum run by some quake named Dr. Heil. He let Greenfever wrestle in WCF as a mental test or something. Greenfever never called himself by name, always by "God", and his promos were...to be honest, his promos were nightmarish.
I was just shocked you know, that they would let this murdering fuck actually wrestle on national TV. So come match time, I tried everything I could to full out destroy him. I didn't even care about the fact that the title was on the line, or that john was in the match, I just wanted to put Greenfever in his place.
Helms: Did you win?
FPV looks down at the steering wheel and lets out a long deep sigh. Helms knows the answer to his question immediately.
FPV: After I lost, I made a promise to myself, I would not rest until I had brought this abomination down and made sure he never again came to haunt the WCF. I never got that chance.
Helms looks at FPV, interested.
FPV: About a month later, Greenfever was killed in a flatliner match by Phillip Baines, another I've vowed to defeat but never did. I was in the building when the match happenned, and when I saw them pushing away the stretcher he was on, seeing his lifeless body roll away, I thought I had seen the last of him. I mean, the motherfucker had his EYE BLOWN APART BY NEEDLES. So I moved on, just doing my job, wreslting jobbers and rednecks and such, until XIII.
When Corey announced that Greenfever would be taking part in the War Games match a XIII, I was skeptical. Greenfevers dead, how can he wrestle. Well, turns out, Greenfever's been wrestling as his alternate personality Switches the Clown ever since WAR.
Helms: Wait, the motherfucker is actually alive?
FPV: I have no idea how, but yes, he's alive. And I'm facing him Sunday.
Helms: ...
FPV: Do you see what this is? Greenfevers back, and he's terrorising WCF yet again. This is it! This is my chance to make good on my promise to end Greenfever once and for all! I don't even give a crap that a title shot is on the line, fuck, I don't even care if he wrestles as Switches and doesn't even remember who I am. I'm cool with that, because after I'm through with him, he'll fucking know who I am!
They pass by a sign saying "Next town 1/2 mile ahead" as they speed down the horizon, ready to drop off their catches for the day.
