Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2010 12:46:41 GMT -5
Instructions: Turn up your speakers, push play and read the roleplay.
Some things in this world are more important than money and material excess. Some people don’t care about those things at all. For them money is a means of putting roof over head and food on table, but money doesn’t rule them. They place a higher priority on helping people, family, friends and community. That’s a powerful motivation. There’s another kind of motivation: the desire for respect. We all want respect but who has the guts to reach out and grab it? It takes a special breed.
Some people who feel disrespected are deluding themselves. They haven’t earned jack shit yet they want the world to bow at their feet and kiss their ass. Those people will get a taste of reality soon enough when they get mollywhopped upside the head by a real man. It takes balls to survive in this world and bitches ain’t shit. Some people are legitimately underrated and overlooked by the masses. There are a couple of reasons why such talented and adept individuals don’t receive the respect that they deserve: 1. Some people are ignorant and don’t recognize talent. 2. Some people are jealous and refuse to give credit where it’s due.
It goes without saying that when somebody has earned something, they deserve to get their something. If there is a refusal to comply then extreme measures are required. It is with this mindset that Chad Evans enters his WCF World Tag Team Title match at Ten. This morning marks the first occasion that Chad has placed his feet upon the hallowed grounds of The Sovereign Center in Reading, Pennsylvania. Chad is impressed by the massive complex but he’s not overwhelmed. Chad has bigger things on his mind, such as the quest for respect that awaits him in the wrestling ring that is currently being assembled in the middle of the arena.
Chad Evans: “Here I am, appearing before your very eyes like a puff of smoke in Bob Marley’s dressing room. So this is The Sovereign Center? I must admit that it looks very nice, naked though it is. As I gaze around these empty stands I know that tonight this building will be packed. Seven-thousand and eighty-three wild, crazed, manic wrestling fans will be cheering at the top of their lungs, a sold-out crowd for WCF’s tenth-anniversary extravaganza known as Ten. These wonderful, passionate, dedicated, hard-working fans will be cheering for WCF’s greatest superstars including Slickie T, Creeping Death, Brad Kane and of course the returning Skyler Striker.”
Chad shakes his head in amazement and smiles.
Chad Evans: “Skyler Striker… god-damn! How did we ever get him to come back to this single-ring circus?! I have to give you credit, Johnny Reb! You called it! You said that WCF is bread and circuses and by golly you were right! WCF has become a circus because of Seth Lerch’s blatant disregard for all that is just and righteous. Seth Lerch is a megalomaniac and a corporate shill and I for one will not stand idly by while Lerch perpetuates his brand of lazy, watered-down, bourgeois un-tertainment. I will channel the sprit of America’s great civil rights activists and I will fight for your rights! Reading, Pennsylvania will bear host as a Sovereign Center for a Sovereign People! Yet…despite my selfless and laudable efforts the sad fact is that tonight, wrestlers who don’t even care about the future of this great sport and this great country will receive louder cheers than I.”
Chad lets out a frustrated sigh as he strides down the barren aisle toward the area where the ring is being assembled.
Chad Evans: “I won’t let it bother me… I will not allow myself to be affected by lies, propaganda and ignorance. I am a man who will trace his own legacy, carve his own path in WCF. I will stand tall with the knowledge that, unlike certain individuals in this company including the current WCF World Champion, I have worked hard for everything that I have received. I have not taken any shortcuts. I have not pulled any strings backstage. I have not stabbed my fellow WCF employees in the back to get what I want. I am a man of honor and integrity. The viewing public that lines Seth Lerch’s pockets with American greenbacks does not yet understand the difference, but soon they will. Tonight will signal the beginning of their education. They will bear witness as I, Chadwick Lenore Evans, etch my name into the record books as one-half of the WCF Tag Team Champions. This will be no small task, as my opponents are highly regarded by most everyone who follows WCF wrestling.”
Chad reaches into the pockets of his neatly pressed blue jeans and pulls out two folded pieces of newspaper. He carefully unfolds the newspaper scraps and holds them up for all to see.
Chad Evans: “In my hand I am holding two newspaper articles that have been written within the past few days. These are articles written by sports writers who were casting their predications for tonight’s WCF pay-per-view. Please allow me to regale you with some excerpts from their predictions for the tag team title match between The Royal Family and The New Confederacy.”
Chad clears his throat as he flattens out the papers with the palm of his hand and prepares to read them aloud.
Chad Evans: “A writer from the Miami Herald who shall remain nameless had the following to say: ‘I am tempted to hail Prince Jimmy and Chad Evans but I think they're going to run into a buzzsaw against The New Confederacy.’”
Chad struggles to stifle his laughter as he folds that particular article and neatly tucks it into his pocket.
Chad Evans: “Again these are real articles that were printed in actual newspapers. This isn’t Jay Leno’s ‘Headlines’ shtick. I wouldn’t be laughing if it was Jay Leno. Alright here’s another prediction. This one comes courtesy of the Philadelphia Inquirer and another sports writer who shall remain nameless. He says and I quote, ‘The New Confederacy are the best damn tag team in the WCF and I don't see them dropping the titles anytime soon.’”
Chad can no longer stop himself from cracking up. He busts out laughing as the ring workers and crew members in the area look at him strangely. Chad attempts to get a grip on himself.
Chad Evans: “It’s crazy, isn’t it? It’s absolute lunacy, but it’s not a joke. Sadly, people really are this stupid. They have no concept of reality. They’re out of touch with the world around them. These trashy newspaper clippings are harmless by themselves, but they indicate a greater problem in this country: Americans need to be enlightened. America needs a John F. Kennedy. We need a Martin Luther King. We need a man who is willing sacrifice himself to lead America to the Promised Land. Personally, I don’t want to die. I don’t want to become a martyr. In fact I probably won’t have to go that far, but I’m willing to do it if that’s what it takes.”
Chad wrinkles his forehead and strokes his chin, a thoughtful expression on his face.
Chad Evans: “I don’t even want to be a hero. I just want to shine my light around and illuminate each and every one of you. Unfortunately I sense a distinct lack of respect for a man who has ascended the rankings of the WCF roster within a mere three weeks. I sense a distinct lack of respect for a man who has proven himself to be in the elite class of WCF wrestlers. I am staking my claim to greatness and making a name for myself in this company, but none of that seems to matter. I sense a distinct lack of respect for a man who fights with every ounce of vigor and strength that he can muster to ensure a better life for the working class. My good name is besmirched by people in positions of power and influence, people who have something to hide, something to protect, namely their own scrawny hides”
Chad looks to the sky with a sorrowful expression on his face.
Chad Evans: “Oh mother, why must it be this way? Why must people be so gullible? Why must they be so willing to believe in lies? Why must they succumb to a duplicitous creed?”
Chad drops to his knees and lays his palms flat on the ground.
Chad Evans: “Oh mother, give me strength! Don’t let me become one of them! Don’t let me falter!”
Chad’s emotions are running wild. He’s hysterical and nearly in tears as he flounders about on the ground. Several members of the ring crew consider checking on Chad, but they decide to err on the side of caution and focus on their work. Chad eventually gets control of his emotions and sits up in a kneeling position.
Chad Evans: “It was never going to be easy because they never make it easy. People like to play games. They like to make others toil and suffer. They live vicariously as weaklings in ivory towers and laugh at those who are strong and brave. They taunt me in their mocking tone but they will not prevail over me. I am stronger than all cowards. I am not man. I am machine, a machine of wrath, vengeance and jurisprudence. This is not a contradiction. I am the new law. I will hand down my judgment upon the heads of the wicked and deceitful.”
Chad rises to his feet and stands tall, with his chest puffed up.
Chad Evans: “I am on a mission of mercy. I have been lambasted by so-called ‘social conservatives’. These spineless jellyfish are thinly veiled neo-cons who wish to discredit the righteous man. I will squash them under my feet as I blaze a path of glory for all the workers, all the families and all the others who join me on my quest. You don’t have to be as tall as Yao Ming, as strong as Mark Henry, or as rich as Bill Gates to challenge the establishment. None of those things are important. The measure of all people comes from within, the content of our character. What kind of person are you? Will you march with me and demand peace, justice and equality? Or…”
Chad droops his shoulders and slouches his head.
Chad Evans: “Will you cower in the corner with your thumb in your mouth? The choice is yours and yours alone. I cannot decide for you, but I want you to remember one thing: Every man who has ever changed the world has overcome adversity. It takes perseverance to rise above the obstacles that society places in front of us. I shall persevere tonight in this very ring that is nearing completion as I speak.”
Chad flashes a thumbs-up to the ring crew as he admires their handiwork assembling the ring. They ignore him and continue about their business.
Chad Evans: “Seth Lerch has placed an obstacle in front of me, a tandem known as The New Confederacy. I’ve made my feelings known about both Doc Henry and Johnny Reb, so what’s really the point in talking about them any further? I’ve said my piece. Dog Henry has been barking…who cares? I’m going to pop a cap in his ass like his name was Old Yeller. As far as Johnny Reb is concerned, he’s more than welcome to meet me in my locker room after our match. I’m sure that Johnny is tired of lusting after old ladies in hotel bars, and I know that I’m tired of lusting after him.”
Chad experiences growth in his pants as he thinks about Johnny Reb’s taut, rippling body.
Chad Evans: “I know that Johnny Reb is a Southern gentleman, and as such his love is a sweet love. That’s something that Doc Henry could never understand.”
Chad feigns spitting on the ground at the mere mention of Doc Henry’s name.
Chad Evans: “On a Sunday night in Reading, Pennsylvania I shall stride to the ring with a massive erection peaking from my crotch. Don’t you see? I cannot lose! The thrill of victory provides an almost sexual euphoria, but the thrill that Johnny Reb gives me is pure ecstasy. I will blow my massive load in this ring tonight and Johnny Reb will make it happen. Doc Henry and Prince Jimmy Dean are not invited to our sexy party, they will have to wait in the corner with the cowards and ingrates. Johnny Reb, I don’t beg very often…”
Chad drops to his knees and folds his hands together in front of his face, with his head bowed.
Chad Evans: “Please, Johnny… heed my call. Take my hand and let me lead you to greater euphoria than you have ever known. I will make you forget all about summer nights with Mrs. Robinson. I will satisfy you in ways that she never could! Won’t you join me?”
Chad sighs, sensing that he’s not making any progress. He rises to his feet and massages his aching forehead with the tips of his fingers.
Chad Evans: “It’s Doc, isn’t it? Doc Henry has been brainwashing you. He’s been telling you that there’s something wrong with two men expressing their love for each other. Doc Henry is a coward, Johnny! He doesn’t understand the bond between two great men, two lovers in the throes of passion. I bet that Doc has never even watched Brokeback Mountain! Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal were real men, real cowboys, not petrified little wimps who were afraid to make their impression felt!”
Chad has whipped himself into a mighty frenzy now; he’s be-boppin’ and scattin’ all over the place and dancin’ up a storm.
Chad Evans: “Yo, it’s time for me to make my impression felt! So put on your boots, your tights and strap on your seat belt! You never been on a ride like this before, with a Chad Evans who can represent the people and make ya body hit the floor!”
Chad cackles like a madman as he dances the Charleston.
Chad Evans: “That’s a little bit of Dre for you, Chad Evans style! Did you like that, Doc? See I know what’s up, homie. I know that you talk a big game but you cannot handle the ill shit that I bring, bring. You look like a straight-up bozo inside the ring and I’m about to put you out of your misery. I’m going to end your wrestling career tonight so that you can start your new career. You weren’t put on this earth to wrestle. No, no, you were put here to collect discarded beer bottles. Do like your mama does and suck that shit until it’s bone dry. You don’t like me talking about your mama? Fuck yo mama and fuck you, Doc! That’s what’s up!”
Chad clears his throat and vigorously rubs his chest with his hand in an attempt to calm himself down.
Chad Evans: “I apologize for losing my train of thought, but that little runt Doc Henry really pisses me off. Johnny, listen to my voice of reason and dump his ass! Get with this!”
Chad is now pounding his chest with the palm of his hand.
Chad Evans: “Get with Chad Evans! You and me, Johnny! Let’s do this! We can be The New American Hot Rods, baby!”
Chad’s smile and raucous enthusiasm suddenly turn 180-degrees into a more heated confrontation with the target of his vitriol.
Chad Evans: “And you… Doc Henry. You can go eat worms! You can lick the potato salad off my pastrami! But if that doesn’t appeal to you, if you don’t do anything else, remember to kiss my grits, bitch! Big Dicks for life!”
Chad hops onto the apron of the now fully assembled ring and flips forward into the ring. He climbs onto the turnbuckles and raises his arms into the air in a victorious pose. Chad gazes out to the empty seats, imagining the cheering fans who will occupy them tonight. The All-American Whipping Boy envisions his moment of triumph.