Deleted
Deleted Member
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Pleaseeeee
Dec 16, 2018 20:15:24 GMT -5
via mobile
Post by Deleted on Dec 16, 2018 20:15:24 GMT -5
Can I please get some feedback? This is the first rp I’ve wrote 100% myself in a long time due to sickness and family stuff. Thanks 💕
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Post by Vincent Augustine on Dec 16, 2018 23:55:09 GMT -5
The shoot was solid, well thought out, but the text was a bit rough from a visual standpoint. Don't be afraid to break up the dialogue with narrative. Sometimes the actions can be just as important as what is being said, also a bright color like yellow on a long paragraph is kind of strenuous on the eyes. The content though of the shoot and dialogue was great, had some good flow and really felt flushed out and well thought. I would have liked a little more edge, maybe had some more bite to it. there were some formatting issues with spacing but that's minor. The second part to me honestly felt a bit short. I mean you got to where you were going, it just felt like it was thrown in there to add more to the RP, maybe it's just me and I am tired at this moment, no lie...lol. That said this is a good RP, and it gives you much to build on, and does a great job of pushing the character forward.
7.6/10
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