Pretty Good!
Ok so, I did not offer a review for your last RP, because I honestly felt like Kennedy gave perfect feedback. Now this one I am honored to be the first to respond:
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Roleplay: Burying of Amos
Hander: Scott Slayer
Overall thoughts: A strong build shoot that cut straight to the chase.
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Rating Overview
Scene Description: 1
Character Development: 2
Shoot: 3
Flow: 2
RATING: 2.25 of 5
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CRITICAL REVIEW
You definitely improved from your previous RP! I did not review the other one because I felt Kennedy was 100% on point with the help she offered. But it's so pleasing to see how quickly you jumped on it and made so many improvements and quite frankly I enjoyed this roleplay. To offer tough love though I must point out the parts I would like to see improve for future roleplays; much like Kennedy said about the last one, I don't feel like we really get who Scott Slayer is yet. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. He's an anarchist and I PERSONALLY want to see him develop into the menace that he'll become.
Scene Description:
You opened with his arrival at the arena. I immediately pictured him wheeling luggage around, wearing gym clothes and sun glasses, walking through the parking lot, but you did not tell me that, I simply assumed, but if that's not what you were going for, you might want to clarify next time. Then I was like WHOA where'd the interviewer spawn from? And who is it? A he or a she? And was it even a WCF interviewer? (names to use are in the staff board). You didn't let me feel Scott's body language or anything and I felt like imagining that there was tension in the air and the interviewer was nervous or something but that wasn't evident until the very end when you walked away and led him looking terrified.
Character Development:
You established that Scott Slayer has a one track mind and that when he sets his goal he is focused. But I felt like Scoot Slayer was more focused on proving himself than he was on creating anarchy. This is something that can be used as a good thing. Maybe the humble beginnings will have us see Scott's destructive and chaotic ways flourish and so his anarchy will be understood and even justified.
Shoot:
This is going to be your bread and butter and I can already tell. You cut into the opponent and the task at hand without straying away. I really enjoyed that. The only bad part is that I felt like he was a bit too humble for an anarchist, at times even almost baby face. He wants to show the fans and the locker room and even management that he belongs here, and that's not what a treacherous, authority hating anarchist does. Your shoot itself is good but your shoot's style does not fit a true neutral, basically. It's more of the hungry baby face type.
Flow:
The interviewer seemed to ignore your answers, since her follow up questions had little or nothing to do with what slayer had just said. Furthermore, the lack of a scene description made the progress of the interview feel as if it were being shot in front of a green screen. It would help wonders to link your responses to his next question and maybe throw in a visual description of how you react to questions or how interviewer reacts to answers. It feels like Scott firmly believes it is time to slay but it also gives off the impression that he isn't sure how he's going to do it.
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SUGGESTIONS
Tell us how Scott is dressed when he walks in and where he walked in to, is it a hallway a parking lot or a locker room, etc.. This will help us feel like we are there. Maybe even Describe the posture or attitude he takes when talking about these things.
Embrace the more destructive side of your gimmick and go as over the top as you want with it. Break stuff, spit on people, challenge authority, disregard rules and management, make the anarchy felt.
I know that you are OOC new to WCF and you obviously have a lot of respect for all that is done here, but in character though, you have the perfect premises and persona to say "fuck every body up in this bitch" and set the whole backstage on fire.
There is no limit to what you can do and say when you have a bad ass like Scott Slayer to roleplay as, and that's something that I know we will all see grow 6more and more in the weeks to come.
I have only been here since July and I NOT the best roleplayers here, Odin Balfore is (in my opinion lol) but I feel like I have improved a whole lot in a short period of time thanks to Odin's advices. So please take some time to read through Odin Balfore's Promo Tips and you'll be killing people in no time:
wcfwrestling.proboards.com/thread/30589/odin-balfores-promo-tips