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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2018 3:02:01 GMT -5
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2018 3:05:54 GMT -5
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Post by Scott Slayer on Aug 31, 2018 8:50:43 GMT -5
That wasn’t bad at all. Stephen is going to be in trouble.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2018 14:31:19 GMT -5
Boooo you sux! 🙄🙄🙄 jk. You already know how I feel about your rp. Love you baby 💕
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Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2018 1:41:26 GMT -5
Bump!!
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Post by Stephen Singh on Sept 4, 2018 9:12:20 GMT -5
Number one, you should def be proud of this one b/c it was definitely your best work that I've read so far! Now onto more feedback...
ROYALTY (positive stuff) --You do a great job namechecking the rest of the WCF and showing you seem to really understand the dynamics of the fed. This makes the promo more realistic and helps really ground Kennedy in reality.
--Research! It was clear you did some research on Singh for this match and that can often make writing easier and makes your shoot more confident. Nice job referencing everything from 2017 Ultimate Showdown and even Singh's loss to Rabid.
--Good use of the sister to try and flesh out the character, give a bit more depth. It helps to fill out your backstory, motivations, etc.
PEASANTRY (criticisms) --I liked having the prologue and epilogue but I think you could've summed up a bit stronger in the epilogue. This is the last thing we'll be reading so really try to end it with a punch or at least with the utmost confidence in Matthews' superiority/victory.
--Try to make the shoot specifically about why Matthews is superior to whomever (singh in this case). For example, you talked about 'taking the honorable' way out by laying down for matthews. If I were response-shooting I would've claimed that there's no honor in laying down, you have to go down swinging, fighting, etc and only "royalty" would see honor in the surrender. If you want to go the "honor" route you could definitely make it about how Matthews has taken the high road here, has done things the right away while Singh has cheated his way to victories and title. Then you could talk about belief in the purity of the sport bc of your uprbringing while accusing Singh of not respecting it and disparaging it with his cheating which is another reason you're better/will win.
--You have Kennedy call herself a "snobby little bitch" which is a good summation of the gimmick but it'd be more effective to SHOW us that than tell us. Maybe put her in some situation or story or whatever where she acts like like a sonbby little bitch. This is done to an extent during her interactions with Estrella but that's also being used in the "where does she know her from?" story so maybe get Matthews out of her comfort zone and into other areas of daily life where she's acting like a 'princess' etc.
Favorite Line(s): " You are going to call me spoiled and weak and feeble. I have been called that and then some. Nothing you say will be able to get to me. Am I spoiled? Hell yeah I am. I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth and now I will take that silver spoon out of my mouth and shove it up your ass." --It's often effective to anticipate and try to negate what the other person's shoot will be so nice work there and the silver spoon thing is a nice note to end on. Plus, Price loves when things go up people's asses.
"You will fall so far that you will have to go back to drug running and then hopefully Judge Tennison will put you away for good. Hey Mikey, Dynamo, if you need a new job after Singh loses I need a butler and a gardener." Working in Judge Tennison is always worth a thumbs up from me and the butler/gardener insult is good heel shoot.
All in all, great stuff this week! Concentrate on adding a little story in the promo itself (not every week but this often helps keep them entertaining) and then sharpening up the shoot, really diving into what makes the other wrestler tick and how you can use that to your advantage.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 4, 2018 18:57:31 GMT -5
Been a long day so I haven't had a chance but thanks Stephen. Means a lot that you took time out to do this for me
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