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Post by Tyler Debonair on Apr 5, 2018 11:43:19 GMT -5
Okay so I've noticed that this specific forum on the site is pretty dead, in terms of replies. I'm not sure if that's because people are worried about hurting others feelings or something but please I want people to be brutal with me. Tyler Debonair is a completely new character for me, I'd never written him before signing up for WCF. The story too is obviously extremely new for me and quite exciting whilst also odd. It started in The Scriptures of Debonation.And has continued through Tell them, I am sent you.So please guys, give me your honest views!
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 5, 2018 13:50:53 GMT -5
Hello mate! Hoping to help make this part of the forum more active myself, so I'll at least give you a few opinions if I may! (Hopefully you don't mind a new guy being the one to critique you a bit) Also I don't give .5s or anything so expect full numbers.
FirstRP: The Scriptures of Debonation...Poster: Tyler Deb.Date: March 31st, 2018Length/Word Count: 4,138 words (good and lengthy)Flow: 3/5. I struggled a little with your general flow but I feel theirs a bit of a point here where I had to pay a little extra attention thanks to color coding of Fred being close to the color of Tyler. The shades of oranges and yellow were close. Also feel like you put things a bit too blocked together perhaps. Mix your shoot and your story up and don't save the shoot all for one big wad at the end. Other then that? Very well done Mr. Tyler!Scene Description: 5/5. I have no issue with your scene description whatsoever. I would say you got this part nailed down in this post. It was good for making sure we understand the area and what was going on which is really all scene description is supposed to be for.Character Arch/Development: 3/5. I'll be fair here and say this part I'm feeling your struggling a bit. I feel like the connection of the story from scene to scene here was a bit off. I'm interested to see where it goes somewhat with this "Addu" fellow, but I feel this dream scene and your shoot scene make alot more sense then the previous pieces. Your Abe and Fred characters seem a little out of place, but this may be because you intend it. Relevance: 4/5. X2. Your a television champion for a reason as well put by how you made sure things stayed within a good connection in this post once you got into the halfway point of your post. That beginning bit just felt a bit off to me for the relevance to the week. So I marked off a perfect 5, but it certainly is still a great score at a 4!Overall: 3.8. Pretty good post I'd say. Pros
- Good shoot ability, definitely great at getting your message across when you get at your opponent (in this case Hayes)
- Good at grabbing general interest with new character introduced (Addu)
-Good use of creativity, and originality. Cons
-Just felt a little lackluster at the start and didn't peak my general interest. Got better in the second half for sure.
- Remember not to block everything into each other. Mix your story arch with your shoot a little. Makes things more interesting to read!Second
RP: Tell them I am sent you Poster: Tyler Deb. Date: March 4th, 2018 Length/Word Count: 2,460 (Medium length)
Flow: 4/5. I'm still a complete stickler for blocking scenes for storytelling and scene for shoot. You can forgive that I hope. However I would say this post did better in the sense that it went along easier and I never had to struggle to keep my attention. Color coding was spot on as was spacing. Overall a great amount of flow.
Scene Description: 5/5.: Again spot on. You are really good at keeping us in check with what it is you are upto throughout the story and it makes it easy to stay focused on as it reads very well with how you used it. Also love the use of scenes when it came to the big surprise on the last card and winning the belt. WELL DONE! *Claps out of approval*Character Arch/Development: 4/5: I would say I like the character development more here. The story flowed a lot easier to me and the characters each seemed relevant throughout the entire story you posted. It is because of that I would argue this post is actually better than the previous.Relevance (x2): 5/5: 100% ALL THE WAY. COMPLETELY. ABSOLUTELY. ACCURATE. Well done on relevance. The entire post was exactly revolved around what your character is experiencing from his last match to his current and you are focused on the next opponent (though it is the same guy).Overall Grade: 4.6 *Claps out of approval*Pros:
- Story telling flowed easier. Everything connected well.
- Relevance is spot on, made a very fun and interesting read.
- Still continued to peak interest in this new character (Addu) which in turn makes me more interested in your next post.
Cons- That blocking my dude! Somewhat a personal preference on my part
Sometimes it is better to post something shorter that is more concrete. Don't get me wrong if its really close and someone has the longer post it can hurt you. (It really can to be honest) but it isn't the end all be all. Be glad to review more posts of yours soon!
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 5, 2018 13:57:05 GMT -5
I ALSO FORGOT!! Remember all grading and opinions are all exactly that! Opinions!
I'm no means perfect! And we all have alot to learn!
Goodluck on your creative journey!!
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Post by Tyler Debonair on Apr 5, 2018 19:00:54 GMT -5
Hey man, no I really appreciate the feedback it helps me see whether I'm on the right track or not, it seems atm I am.
Just a few clarifications, Fred is Tyler's dad and Abe is an old friend of Fred's & even though these two RP's are the foundation of the new storyline as it were, the context for those two characters came about 3-4 RP's previously.
Also the reason the second RP is shorter than the first is bc the limit dropped from 5k words to 2.5k for TV title matches 😂
But as I said, completely appreciate the feedback it definitely helps me!👍🏻
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Post by Wesley Anderson on Apr 5, 2018 19:17:43 GMT -5
Thank you for the friendly response my friend!
I appreciate the clarifications! I understand who they were..I just felt those scenes didn't feel all that important in the post for me. Which as I'll admit is a opinion which another person may not share whatsoever. The difference being from the first post to the second that the characters used were involved in either helping him celebrate his title win (the girlfriend) or in pointing out the change in your match against Hayes (Abe) before the match on Slam. They flowed better into the work then in the first for me.
And on the post length! Yeah I didn't reference that as to it being more or less work. In this case I actually liked the shorter more. Felt like everything came together better (even though the rule change is part of why its the case)
Either why Mr. Tyler I appreciate the reads! And will gladly answer any questions you have of my review and will gladly give you more reviews in the future!
Kick some ass for that title my dude! Can tell its gonna take some good writing to get it off you!
Best of luck in your creative journey!! Enjoy yourself!!
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