The House(Party) of Hardcore
Feb 4, 2018 12:36:42 GMT -5
God King Dune, The Very Big Śpainards, and 2 more like this
Post by Leon "Purple" Hayze on Feb 4, 2018 12:36:42 GMT -5
Leon “Purple” Hayze…
…and a cast of dozens…
In
The House(Party) of Hardcore
[Portland, Oregon – 7:54 p.m.]
{The scene opens up with a shot of a two story, squat building with a large sign above the doors, illuminated by two lights to either side of the entryway, proclaiming the building to be the ‘Holldraeinbach Art Gallery’. A moment later, Leon “Purple” Hayze steps into shot near the cameraman, facing the camera. He’s got a dark purple suit on, with a white tie that has pot leaves etched all over it. His hair is slicked back and bound in a ponytail, and he’s got a huge smile on his face, and those trade mark pink irises. After making a show to look at his watch, he lowers his arm and looks back into the camera.}
L”P”H: Ahh man, the night is finally here! Your new Hardcore champion is here, and to my surprise, a LOT of the WCF is going to be here as well. Those of you who are into the Purple Hayze Craze are in for a treat, because I’ve put together a hell of a party, a Hardcore House Party, one could say. Actually, that IS what I’m saying. No, no brawling with trash can lids, and Kendo Stick Pete will not be in attendance, though I have paid homage to him in one of the many dishes that my guests and I can partake in. Anyway, we’ve got about five/ten minutes before the first guests should arrive. Let’s go in and I’ll show you around a bit ladies and gents.
{The cameraman follows behind Hayze about five feet away, and as Leon gets to the door, he holds it open for the cameraman to step through. A moment later Leon comes in, and the quite spacious gallery is empty save for two people, both with their backs turned to the two newcomers, as they inspect an unseen sculpture; the work of art must be small if obscured by the two gentlemen. The one in a black suit turns around, to reveal a sneering World Champion himself, in the form of “The Golden God” Stephen Singh. The camera swings around to see Leon’s face in a similar state of disapproval.}
Singh: Oh and look, it’s the…person of the hour, Peon Hayze. Congratulations on that Hardcore Title; now just try not to run it into the ground and then disappear like those wastes of space Holmes or King did before you.
L”P”H: (Talking past Singh, to the other suited man, whose turned around now) Really Jory? You let this…guy…in here?
(The man in a dark brown suit turns around with a look of indifference as he addresses Hayze.)
Jory: Ahhh, Leon, welcome. I was afraid you’d paid me…well quite handsomely…for no reason, but here you are. Well Mr. Singh and I were just leaving actually. And if your questioning my friendship with Mr. Singh here, well, he is a connoisseur of fine art: I won’t refuse anyone who shows me such respect and who has purchased many of my works in the past, and even in the present—tonight, quite frankly, being one of those times. (Turning to face the World Champion) Anyway Mr. Singh, we’ll have it shipped to you promptly upon payment. That you would fly out specifically to view it in person, well your tastes and attention to detail continue to impress. Have a wonderful evening!
(Singh seems to give Jory a genuine smile, before shaking the man’s hand and leaving, giving us [looking to Hayze] a genuine look of disgust as he purposefully bumps the Hardcore champion's shoulder as he leaves the building.)
L”P”H: Yeah, well please DO let the door hit you in the ass as you leave.
(As Singh leaves, we swing our focus back to Hayze, whose smile has already returned as he waves his hands around, as if to say ‘look at it all!’)
L”P”H: So yeah, that little bit of unpleasantness aside…
(From off camera we hear a familiar voice confront Hayze.)
Luke Force: Late to your own party Hayze, how pathetic!
(The camera swings around to see that Force is wearing a black suit, white shirt, and no tie. He is wearing the same style Bruno Magli shoes O.J. Simpson was wearing when he didn't commit double homicide. He sees the host and new WCF Hardcore Champion and approaches.)
Luke Force: Leon, lame party, not surprised. I'm also not surprised that someone as low rent as you could scoop up the Hardcore Title. It takes a shady cat to hold that strap, and I don't care about the image you project, you're as shady as they come Hayze. So congratulations Leon, good work. Thanks for the weak excuse for a party, but I gotta roll.
L”P”H: Yeah, and you’re here early, as the invitations clearly said 8, not 7 or 7:30; you might have been tipped off by the fact that regular art patrons for Jory’s gallery here were still in the building, rather than raucous party goers, but whateves. Maybe I kicked you in the head one too many times in the three singles matches…no...NO, ya know what, it’s not about that tonight. Anyway, have a nice night Force.
(The last sentence is dripping with sarcasm as we see Force walk out the door, but not before flipping the bird to Hayze with his left hand before opening the door with his right. Force is almost shoved out of the way as our first true party guests have arrived, in the form of the very large fellows known as The Very British Security. William ‘rubs’ shoulders with Force, and though it looks like a scuffle might break out, Force shrugs his shoulders and continues to walk away as the Internet and People’s Champion steps into the interior of the gallery, followed up by Ainsley.)
William: Oi Hayze, where’s them…them special tarts you gave us last time?
L”P”H: Uhmmm, hello to you as well Willia…
Ainsley: Ehh, hell with the niceties; we’re here, and you should be proud that we graced you with our presence. Anyway, like he said, where’s them special tarts, we’re ready to have some fun wif ‘em again!
L”P”H: Right gentlemen, well let me explain the setup we’ve got going, as far as refreshments, snacks, and…as you blokes put it, special snacks. Doobie snacks, if you will, heh.
{Leon turns to the right and walks over to four large tables grouped together. The first table, our party host waves his hands over, as if he’s a model on the Price is Right showing prizes off, is filled with cookies, brownies, popcorn, and other snack items. A large green sign blossoms up from the middle of the table, with large, purple letters stating ‘Cannabis-infused edibles’. He then points at the other three tables, the one behind the cannabis table with coolers of beer, wine coolers, bottle of wine, and bottles of champagne, all on ice: ‘Regular drinks’. The other two tables are lined with all manner of dishes, side dishes, and other ‘Regular dishes’, both tables have with plain white signs, with black text.}
L”P”H: Right, so ha ha, I had some fun with these signs, but that clearly illustrates what is what. I had some of these tarts whipped up special just for you guys. Like I said last time, you guys are…well…kinda light weights, so take it easy on ‘em. Just…
William: How about you just, kindly mind you, piss off; we’ll have as many as we please.
Ainsley: We recovered quite nicely last time Hayze, so…
Jack Smith: Hey, is that anyway to treat a WCF champion Ainsley, and a fellow champion William?
(The camera swings around to see Jack Smith and Alina Murphy walking through the doors, followed by some non-wrestler friends that Leon apparently invited, as they start to circulate around, though the Alpha champion and his girlfriend come over to the other WCF athletes. )
William: Well, if it ain't the Alpha Ch...
L”P”H: Hey guys, chill, everyone...it's a party. I mean please, let's just try and enjoy it, right?
(Hayze is looking all around, and after VBS grab a handful of their special tarts, they wonder off, leaving the former and current Alpha champions to themselves.)
Jack Smith: Hey Hayze, how's it going? Thanks for the invite...Aliana here said there was cake? I love ca...ooh there they are. Which is which though?
(At the right side of the one of the two regular food tables, two cakes rest. One is hexagonal in shape, and the top of it is made to look like a STOP sign, and rest frosting is around the sides as well as the top. The other cake is circular, with grey frosting all around, and when you look at it for a moment, you see that, with black lines running at regular intervals across the top, it's made to look like...)
L”P”H: It's a trash can li...
Aliana Murphy: I was just going to say, kinda looks like a trash can lid. Yeah, but which is which Hayze?
L”P”H: Right, so the trash can lid is chocolate cake, with chocolate chips, hazelnut bits, and almonds; the trash part, if you will. The stop sign is yellow cake with strawberry frosting and strawberry slices throughout. Ahh, but don't spoil your dinner, so to speak; let me show you the other stuff, and you can have a 'proper meal' before digging into...
Smith: Yeah, I just want cake.
Murphy: Same here Hayze, and maybe some of your uhm...you know...
L”P”H: Cannabis goods? Yeah, other table. Anyway, take your pick or mix and match, ha ha hah, I guess. Just be careful right, I'm not sure what your guys' tolerance levels are. Everything's got little signs marked with dose 'recommendations' o...
Micheal X: None for me thanks, just tell me where the bathroom is first, that was a long Uber ride from the airport to here Hayze, god damn!
(Leon turns around to see the highly decorated WCF'er walk through the front door, along with a few other people. )
L”P”H: Yeah, sorry about that Mikey...
X: Micheal, thanks; I dropped that childish version of my nam...
L”P”H: Oh yeah, shit, sorry man. Anyway, so if you go right for about twenty feet, and turn right, you'll find it easily enough.
{Micheal X just walks away silently, and as Leon watches him go for a moment, he shrugs his shoulders then goes over to the other food he was going to show off, before the Alpha champion and his girlfriend have their cake and to eat it too. There's plates of sushi, one with white rice and normal slices cut out for a snack, and then, looking into the camera with a smile, waves his hands over brown rice rolls that haven't been cut up.}
L”P”H: They're my own creation; well I mean I came up with what's in it, and the shape, but the caterer put these together, obviously. They're KENDO STICKS, ha ha ha, for people to share! So you've got crab and ahi tuna in the center, with a chili sauce glaze, so that it's kinda like blo...
Bonnie Blue: Like blood, yes how original. Still, I'm pretty hungry, how about we share one Hayze?
{The WCF legend walks through the door, and without hesitation walks right over to Hayze, grabs a plate with one of the kendo stick 'logs', and gives Leon a look like, what the fuck are you waiting for? Shrugging again, Hayze and Blue walk over to an empty table, and after grabbing some drinks—Blue grabs a bottle of an unknown micro brew, with Hayze doing the same, they sit down. Blue looks around from left to right and back again, trying to take it all in, before grabbing chop sticks and starting to dig in on the sushi.}
Blue: Fuck, they taste good too; not just a gimmicky piece of shit.
L”P”H: Right, well yeah; just cause it's a theme doesn't mean I wanted to skimp on taste...
(The camera takes in one half of the Tag Team champions, in the form of Teo Del Sol, sitting down with a bottle of water, places it down, grabs an empty plate and chop sticks, and takes a few slices for himself.)
L”P”H: Damn, well hey Teo, didn't think you'd make it.
Teo Del Sol: Yeah, well I figure what's the harm? Your a good guy, and I respect you and all. Why not share in your little celebration party.
L”P”H: So, just so you both know, the cannabis-infused...
Sol: None for me thanks; water, food, and probably some of one of those cakes later on, and that's it for me—and dancing!
Blue: Yeah, well...(looking at Teo Del Sol)...dancing Sol, really? Huh. Well anyway, after I get my fill of the regular shit, maybe I'll partake in some; only edibles tonight Hayze?
L”P”H: Oh no, of course not. The smoking areas, just for tonight, are sectioned off for both cigarette smokers, and weed smokers.
Blue: Hmm, cool. Yeah, well maybe come find me when you blaze a joint or blunt later, o.k.?
(There was, until just now, one more seat at the table, but another masked wrestler and living legend of the WCF takes it a moment later, in the form of Dune.)
Dune: That might be something...(Dune looks around, seeming...apprehensive?...before looking back to Leon Hayze)...I mean, that might be something I'd be wanting to get in on. Hmmm, well if it isn't Tel Del Sol. What the fuck is he doing here Hayze?
L”P”H: Enjoying a party man, which I'm hoping you do as well. Look, John Rabid, (this next bit dripping with sarcasm) let us praise his name, has allowed (normal voice) me to have this party, but there's surveillance all over. So for both Jory's sake, in the fact that I don't want any of his pieces damaged, and for Rabid's sake, in the fact that he told me that anyone brawling within fifty feet of this place will get hit with massive fines, let's just cool our jets guys, k? And, well shit, for my sake too, let's all just leave our current business in the ring o.k.?
Dune: I dunno if I can, quite honest...
L”P”H: Ya know what Dune, Bonnie...I think now would be a GREAT time for that blunt, which is one of four I plan on burning through tonight. You down?
{Blue shrugs nonchalantly but gets up in a swift, smooth motion and a moment later, as Del Sol and Dune burn holes in each other, Hayze gently puts a hand on Dune's left shoulder and motions them to the left. Dune seems reluctant, but a moment later, follows Hayze as the trio walk for perhaps fifty feet, before seeing a set of double doors of glass, which the cameraman waits for the three wrestlers to walk through, before stepping out there himself. As promised, roughly half the space is for those smoking pure tobacco, of which a handful of people are doing, though Leon turns left, opens a plastic door set into a roughly six foot tall plastic “wall” made up of three or four large barriers, and strides over to a large table with a few people sitting at it. When Hayze sits down, the three people all come over and greet him momentarily, before moving away to leave the wrestlers to it. The Hardcore champion grabs a silver smoking case from his breast pocket, fiddles around in his pants pockets for a moment, and produces a green lighter.}
L”P”H: Anyone care to take the honor?
Blue: I will, damn that's a nice ass blunt Hayze.
L”P”H: Right, well nothing but the finest for my guests, ha ha ha. Anyway, enjoy; of course it's filled with exclusive buds from Hayfield Grove; this one's a sativa, so don't worry, you two aren't going to fall asleep on me, o.k.?
{With that, Bonnie Blue takes two moderate puffs, hands it over to Hayze, and as he's taking his first hit, Blue starts coughing, before we see Hayze pass the blunt to Dune. He fiddles with his mask a bit, so as to keep most of his face still hidden, while awkwardly hitting the blunt. Blue takes two lesser hits this time, only coughs just a little, and with a huge hit from Leon when it goes back to him, he blows a massive cloud of smoke into the camera, fading out momentarily to black. }
[12:07 p.m.]
{We open back up to a strange sight: Teo Del Sol doing a spinaronnie, remarkably well, as techno music thumps throughout the air. When he finishes, and gets back up, a huge round of applause and cheers reward the Tag Team champ, before we cut around to the many other people that are dancing. A few moments later, the song fades out before “True” by Spandeau Ballet starts to play. That's when we cut to Leon as a gorgeous red head leads him out on the dance floor, hand in hand. We see them start to sway slowly in a slow dance, as some people leave the 'dance floor', while other couples come over and start to step and swing slowly in similar motions. We see Bonnie Blue dancing with one of Leon's apparently single guests, and panning to the left of that couple, temporary or otherwise, we see Jack Smith and Aliana Murphy dancing as well. Before long, the song ends, and another fast song comes on, and again we get some people leaving, not wishing to dance fast, and some others hit the floor. Leon walks back over to the table he was sitting at, and as he and his new friend sip champagne for a moment, the cameraman comes in close to here Leon speak.}
L”P”H: Yeah, this is going off quite well, wouldn't you say my dear?
Redhead: Mmm, sure is hon.
L”P”H: Oh Alexa, you do me great honor by saying so, ha ha ha. Uhm, will you excuse me, I've got some business I want to conduct, before enjoying the rest of the party.
Alexa: The rest, shit it's midnight already Leon.
L”P”H: I'll tell you one thing, I'm down to stay up to hit at 4:20 in the morning for once, so for you and me—if you can hang—we're only halfway through this mutha fucka!
{She smiles as we follow Leon as he gets up, walks to the right, and before long walks out to the smoking area. As he steps through the door and into 'stoner land', we see Dune sitting at the table with his hands on his knees, looking the worse for wear. Leon walks over to him and puts a hand on his shoulder, which seems to startle the masked wrestler, before he looks up.}
Dune: When does this shit wear of Hayze, I mean...I've...
L”P”H: Ohh dude, was that your first time smoking?
Dune: Well... I mean, well no. It's just, it's just been a long time.
L”P”H: Maybe it's time to go for you huh? What's your hotel address, you got it handy? I mean don't say it out loud, but you know it right?
Dune: Yeah, yeah I do.
L”P”H: So there's Uber's on hand, if you just go out front.
(The Very British Security lumber into view, take one look at him, and start laughing.)
Ainsley: Come on then, we'll make sure you don't fall all over yourself mate.
William: Good, ah ha hahahah, good treats Hayze. We'll have to do this again, oi?
L”P”H: Well if there's another big victory I have to celebrate, then yeah for sure. And thanks for making sure Dune gets out alright.
{In a good showing, VBS grab each of Dune's shoulders, and though they start to walk him out physically, a few steps near the door, Dune slips out of their hold and nods to each of them, and laughs hysterically, which makes the Brits laugh hysterically, as they walk through the door. A moment later, we swing around to see Leon with another one of his blunts, and after taking a huge hit, he looks around and finds an ash tray, puts the thing out, and looks into the camera.}
L”P”H: Well who woulda thunk it, huh? Ya know, I bet even Singh and Force are lurking around somewhere, just making sure they didn't get caught hanging out longer than I would have thought. Ya know, an hour or so ago I coulda swore I saw (quite sarcastic tone of voice) the Goooollldddenn Gooooodddddd (back to normal) see me, than hastily duck around the corner. Maybe not though, and I guess that doesn't really matter though. I just gotta say, to all the stars that came out for my little celebration party here, thanks a lot! Some of you are or were, I guess were cause you'll be watching this later, but I mean some of you were so high that you might not even remember showing up, ha ha ha. Me, well I always show up; of course to a party, and especially, when there's work to be done. I'm always ready to stop partying, roll up the proverbial sleeves man, and get to work. Sameul McPherson, just because you saw all this lavishness, goofiness, and just plain randomness—at times—doesn't mean some other ness words aren't in your future; like painfullness...hmm, nope that's not a word. Uhm maybe, ooh yeah darkness, as in when I knock you out son. How about, ahh come on, I can think of one more. Victoriousness! Yeah, that's not a word either, but I like that one—I'm gonna make it a thing, ha ha ha.
(Leon takes his blunt and sparks it back up. After three or four hits, he puts it out again.)
L”P”H: Right, so your a strange one, and that's comin from ME! Yaarp and Naarp, but you can write a blog, but you don't talk out loud. Look, you bring your Lord Raab, and your Teen Fab, and your Captain Ahab, and whatever or whoever else you need to the ring with you this Sunday. I'll leave Kendo Stick Pete and his friends at home though, I didn't see any hardcore stip on this one. A shame, I'd like to keep flexing my hardcore muscle, so to speak, as I plan on defending my title as long as possible—we'll see how long into 2018 I can stretch that, though I'm confident I can keep the streak going. Well, a streak going I should say; who know...ya know what, I'm getting off track man, ha ha ha, sorry, plenty of party favors going around tonight, and that's got even me a little...well, uhm, befuddled, yeah that's a good word. Still, I know I can tell you that you've gotta earn your strips around here, Animalistic one, that much I know for sure. So you come in and, Rabid books you against me, when you should be going against who you can to get yourself an Alpha title shot. I mean, that Jack Smith is a nice guy and all, but I'm not sure how long for the Alpha Title holding world he is, ya know? It's like this Animal, you've got THE MAN who rules Hardcore land, and it's time to show you that man is the dominant species on this world, come Sunday night.
(Leon takes the blunt, which is about twenty-five percent finished, looks at it and almost lights it, before flicking his lighter off, and just keeps the blunt in his mouth.)
L”P”H: Naw, I'll finish that later, after I finish talking about what's gonna happen in our match Sammie baby. Ya see, I hate to be an arrogant ass, but I just don't see you winning, no I don't. Actually, ya konw what man, I don't even wanna talk about the match anymore. I'm still feeling buzzed, in a variety of ways, but more than anything I got that cool, electric buzz you get when your at a great party and am really enjoying it. I'm in that party mood, and I don't wanna talk about how I'm going to work you into a puddle of goo, laying in the middle of the ring, after I beat you to a pulp. We'll just leave it like that man, cause right now, Leon “Purple” Hayze has HOURS of more partying to do. See you this Sunday McPhereson; trust me, the fun and games will be over then, and it'll be all business when you step in that ring with me. And buddy boy, if there's one thing that most people know about me by now, is that I'm a master of business as well as (waving his hands around) pleasure.
{Leon lights the blunt and takes a puff, before taking his left hand and obscuring the camera, effectively fading the scene out to black.}