Post by Teo Blaze on Oct 3, 2017 8:04:49 GMT -5
Okay, so I've recreated this thread to try and approach it from a different angle. Please understand before I start this thread that one of the primary reasons why I write is to try and entertain you guys.
But with that in mind, this needs to be addressed, because I'm in danger of going to a bad place of doubt and insecurity. I don't mean to exaggerate when I say I've had a vacuum of feedback lately lol. This is not to point fingers at anyone in particular, but my RPs really seem to have fallen off in interest from people. I know it's petty and childish and going to sound like I'm jealous, but it's hard to read all the WAR reactions and not see a single "also Teo did good". This is not to bash Rabid of course, he's one of the best writers walking and his win was well deserved lol.
But seeing as I'm coming off of two of the most important matches I've ever had (Ironically without eating a pin either time) I figure this is as good a time as any to check in on how I'm doing, and this is one of the questions that, seriously this time, I need you guys to answer.
One result of the dearth of feedback is that one of the only genuine impressions I get of how people feel about Teo is when they shoot on him. Bearing in mind they are unlikely to be positive, one of the constant themes (seriously, every week) is a long-winded rant about how great Teo "used to be" or how much they dislike him without the mask.
So let me go ahead and address the elephant in the room. I have decided creatively that for the time being, the mask is going to stay off. Stay with me here. I get it, I really do. Masked Teo del Sol was this genuinely good-hearted if naive breath of fresh air who was always positive, eating candy, he was an efedding version of Bayley. There was a uniqueness there that I was happy to convey. But the fact is that to try and go back to that would be disingenuous to the character. The honest truth about the character is that the mask was always a way to cover up the character's inherent insecurity, his unwillingness to accept his own faults. He even manifested Blaze as a vision of himself to try and convince himself that it was an evil, other personality.
Part of the journey of taking the mask off was for Teo to become more human, to accept that he had desires, that he had an ego, that he had ambition. It's been a long journey (almost a year by this point) for him to arrive at this conclusion, but the truth is that the Masked Teo del Sol was a construction that he could never live up to forever. I temporarily had Teo put on the mask a couple months ago, just to try it out, and I realized that it was just me responding to all the shoots telling me that the mask had to be put back on.
Now, I know that I'm not always going to be the most popular guy in a feud, and that I've had troubles ever since grad school started performing consistently, but I feel I've been in a better place these past few months than I have been in a long time with my writing, and I want to continue that.
But there's this voice in the back of my head telling me that people are done with me. That once I made the decision for Teo to grow up a bit, that people decided they didn't want him anymore.
My writing style has always played heavily on emotion. My scenes are either very very happy, or they are very very sad. I try to make sure that nothing is disingenuous and that every moment is earned. I often use visions as metaphors for Teo's feelings, and try to make something as simple as playing an arcade game spell out the conflict going on within Teo's (and my own) mind.
But as far as I can tell, my efforts are met with apathy. The most popular responses I've gotten were during my time as People's champion, and during my run as internet champion. And to be fair, Teddy Blaze was an experimental phase where I got more cocky and more confident, while I feel like the character now is more open to addressing his own faults. It's a necessary step forward that I feel will lead to a more fulfilling journey moving forward.
But I have to get some feedback besides shoot. I don't mean to exaggerate when I say that my entire day yesterday I was hoping someone would tell me "Good Job" or give me a like on one of the RPs. I know it's selfish, I know I'm being childish, but I can only be honest when I say that with my current schedule, 10,000 words is alot for me. I missed sleep and was late for work finishing those things, so when from all appearances it's just a drop in the bucket, it is hard to feel anything except sorry for myself.
I'm past that now, the post-match depression of missing out on the world title twice has left, but I need to address this going forward. I want to know whether you guys still care about Teo, because if not, that's something I need to fix. Some people can create in a vacuum, but I am not one of them. I don't mean for any of this to sound like I'm accusing, but like I said, I'm in danger of going to a bad place if I don't get some of this off my chest.
So please, feel free to be as open and honest as you want, and I'll do everything in my power not to be defensive though. I will say this much though, if you are holding out hope that Teo will put the mask on and go back to falling off waterslides and dancing with mascots... you missed something along the way. That Teo was never meant to be the "real" Teo. Teo made himself into a cartoon character because he didn't want to admit his own faults. Teddy Blaze was created as a way for him to cope with WCF's self-destruction after Mexico. Right now, he is for lack of a better word the man who made both of those personas, and frankly I feel that's the best place for him right now.
Those are my feelings, please, if you have any time, share yours. I can't say how much I appreciate it.
But with that in mind, this needs to be addressed, because I'm in danger of going to a bad place of doubt and insecurity. I don't mean to exaggerate when I say I've had a vacuum of feedback lately lol. This is not to point fingers at anyone in particular, but my RPs really seem to have fallen off in interest from people. I know it's petty and childish and going to sound like I'm jealous, but it's hard to read all the WAR reactions and not see a single "also Teo did good". This is not to bash Rabid of course, he's one of the best writers walking and his win was well deserved lol.
But seeing as I'm coming off of two of the most important matches I've ever had (Ironically without eating a pin either time) I figure this is as good a time as any to check in on how I'm doing, and this is one of the questions that, seriously this time, I need you guys to answer.
One result of the dearth of feedback is that one of the only genuine impressions I get of how people feel about Teo is when they shoot on him. Bearing in mind they are unlikely to be positive, one of the constant themes (seriously, every week) is a long-winded rant about how great Teo "used to be" or how much they dislike him without the mask.
So let me go ahead and address the elephant in the room. I have decided creatively that for the time being, the mask is going to stay off. Stay with me here. I get it, I really do. Masked Teo del Sol was this genuinely good-hearted if naive breath of fresh air who was always positive, eating candy, he was an efedding version of Bayley. There was a uniqueness there that I was happy to convey. But the fact is that to try and go back to that would be disingenuous to the character. The honest truth about the character is that the mask was always a way to cover up the character's inherent insecurity, his unwillingness to accept his own faults. He even manifested Blaze as a vision of himself to try and convince himself that it was an evil, other personality.
Part of the journey of taking the mask off was for Teo to become more human, to accept that he had desires, that he had an ego, that he had ambition. It's been a long journey (almost a year by this point) for him to arrive at this conclusion, but the truth is that the Masked Teo del Sol was a construction that he could never live up to forever. I temporarily had Teo put on the mask a couple months ago, just to try it out, and I realized that it was just me responding to all the shoots telling me that the mask had to be put back on.
Now, I know that I'm not always going to be the most popular guy in a feud, and that I've had troubles ever since grad school started performing consistently, but I feel I've been in a better place these past few months than I have been in a long time with my writing, and I want to continue that.
But there's this voice in the back of my head telling me that people are done with me. That once I made the decision for Teo to grow up a bit, that people decided they didn't want him anymore.
My writing style has always played heavily on emotion. My scenes are either very very happy, or they are very very sad. I try to make sure that nothing is disingenuous and that every moment is earned. I often use visions as metaphors for Teo's feelings, and try to make something as simple as playing an arcade game spell out the conflict going on within Teo's (and my own) mind.
But as far as I can tell, my efforts are met with apathy. The most popular responses I've gotten were during my time as People's champion, and during my run as internet champion. And to be fair, Teddy Blaze was an experimental phase where I got more cocky and more confident, while I feel like the character now is more open to addressing his own faults. It's a necessary step forward that I feel will lead to a more fulfilling journey moving forward.
But I have to get some feedback besides shoot. I don't mean to exaggerate when I say that my entire day yesterday I was hoping someone would tell me "Good Job" or give me a like on one of the RPs. I know it's selfish, I know I'm being childish, but I can only be honest when I say that with my current schedule, 10,000 words is alot for me. I missed sleep and was late for work finishing those things, so when from all appearances it's just a drop in the bucket, it is hard to feel anything except sorry for myself.
I'm past that now, the post-match depression of missing out on the world title twice has left, but I need to address this going forward. I want to know whether you guys still care about Teo, because if not, that's something I need to fix. Some people can create in a vacuum, but I am not one of them. I don't mean for any of this to sound like I'm accusing, but like I said, I'm in danger of going to a bad place if I don't get some of this off my chest.
So please, feel free to be as open and honest as you want, and I'll do everything in my power not to be defensive though. I will say this much though, if you are holding out hope that Teo will put the mask on and go back to falling off waterslides and dancing with mascots... you missed something along the way. That Teo was never meant to be the "real" Teo. Teo made himself into a cartoon character because he didn't want to admit his own faults. Teddy Blaze was created as a way for him to cope with WCF's self-destruction after Mexico. Right now, he is for lack of a better word the man who made both of those personas, and frankly I feel that's the best place for him right now.
Those are my feelings, please, if you have any time, share yours. I can't say how much I appreciate it.