Post by The Very Big Śpainards on Jul 30, 2017 9:05:46 GMT -5
The scene is set in an empty room with tables and chairs set up as if it was a school despite the fact that if you looked through the window you could clearly see that this room had to be on the one of the top floors in a skyscraper. A man is recording this for some reason.
There was a tiny whiteboard celetaped to a wall as well as a table with a stool behind, obviously placed there to look like a makeshift teachers desk but failing miserably.
After about 10 seconds of bad camera work and shaking the video cut to a close up of the desk. A sock puppet popped up.
Sock Puppet: Hello class. Today we are gonna be learning about history and Amazon prime drones.
The sock puppet paused for a second and then went face first into the desk along with another hand as Ainsley Ivanovic rose up from beneath the desk, not realising the camera was still rolling and obviously pissed at having to play a sock puppet.
Someone behind the camera played a YouTube clip of someone getting booed by millions of people. The camera turned to the 'pupils' who were just a bunch of cardboard with faces drawn on in brown felt tip. The exact same boo sound That was taken from a YouTube video of top ten loudest boos was played again.. Jim Ross' voice can be heard for two split seconds.
Jim Ross: I don't know if the rock sh-
The sound clip suddenly ends as the camera makes another scruffy cut. This time to the door.
Unknown Voice: Don't worry, soon to be VBA fans! I'll save you from boredom.
A suprisingly large foot bust through the door.
William: Ah shit! It's stuck!
Ainsley: What?
William: My Foot is fucking stuck! I can't mo-
The camera cuts again, somehow managing to be more obvious every time. Now William and Ainsley are standing in the classroom, as if nobody had gotten their foot stuck in the door at all. Or, most likely, as if the camera man and Ainsley had spent 8 minutes trying to jam William's foot out of the hole in the door.
William: Do not worry Children! The VBA is here!
Ainsley held up a piece of cardboard with the words 'V Be A' written on it.
William: Now! You may be wondering. "Why are the incredibly tough and busy VBA going around kicking doors open flawlessly without getting their foot stuck at all?" And also "Wh- Why is there an E?!
Ainsley: William I don't think that was your-
William: You put a fricking E on the sign! V! B! A! Three letters, it's really easy!
Ainsley: I'm Hungarian leave me alone!
William: Screw Hungary. Hungary is just Germany but not as European.
Ainsley: How does a European country become less European?
William: I dunno, You're the fricking Hungarian you should already know this stu-
After another poorly timed and obvious cut William and Ainsley are stood exactly where they were before Ainsley holding the exact same sign except with the E crossed out.
William: The Very Big Alliamce have an announcement to make. Quite recently I entered a tournament called the 'King of the Deathmatch tournament' mostly because I wanted to prove that it was impossible for indy midgets to be hard-core. However after my third match, I thought to myself "if these midgets are so weak, how come I'm in so much agonizing, indescribably pain?" And then I realised. I was judging people too much. Which is why I'm proud to announce that from now on people who are smaller than 6 foot 6 and weigh less than 400 pounds will not be considered midgets. However people who weigh less than 370 pounds and are smaller than 6 foot 5 WILL be considered midgets. Because they're stupid and dumb and also crappy.
William turned to Ainsley and realised that Ainsley had managed to screw up another seemingly simple task. William gritted his teeth and attempted to whisper although he was loud enough for people 2 floors above to hear exactly what he said.
William: Where's the other sign?
Ainsley: I moved it.
William: But it was celetaped to the other sign.
Ainsley: I un-celetaped it.
William: Why would you do that?
Ainsley: It was in the way.
William: No it wasn't in the way, you were meant to flip the sign around..
Ainsley: That would've been too difficult.
William: Oh my goodness Ainsley, you know I hate flippy shit BUT EVEN I KNOW HOW FUCKING EASY IT IS FOR FUCKS SAKE!
After the boring yet nessecary continuation of the 'cut the video' trend William and Ainsley stood in front of the desk which now had a huge hole in about the size of a fist. Ainsley was holding the correct sign.
William: So I have another announcement. Now that more people can be considered "not midgets" which is the highest honour a human being can have, If edecided to start a select group of people to help me and Ainsley in our matches. Called the VBCFA the "The Very Big Canon Fodder Association". Their job will be to do stuff like distract opponents during matches, have squash matches against my enemies and basically fail at every task I assign you to do. I will teach you with no respect, nor will anyone who knew you previously after they see what a lack of dignity you have. Despite the fact that this job requires no skill at all, There is a number if things you'll have to be able to do.
1: You must agree with everything I say, ever.
2: You must not like Fall Out Boys, Twenty One Drivers or whatever weird midget bands that are out there.
And 3: You must be able to do a "shoot-roast" you may be asking yourself "What's a Shoot-roast?"
"Why is FPV such a terrible person who had to resort to Amazon drones to defeat me?"
"Why did William NOT break the door or desk in this room, and Why will he deny charges if anyone attempts to sue him for it?"
Ok so: It's of medium difficulty, Because he's dishonorable and knocked my halberd out of my hand and because I had no intention of doing so and I have a good lawyer.
Let me "Roast" my opponents for ultimate showdown.
First up, Jaice Wilds or as I like to call him "Baby Chick" Hehehehe.
Because he flies.
And- And- And he sucks dick....
Birds do that.....
...
...
"Birdjob"
Ainsley: William!
William: Sorry! It was just a thought that came into my head and was too interesting to leave!
Anyway Jaice Wilds is a good jumper but in the Ultimate Showdown he was exposed as being the company mattress. Which for those unaware meant everyone fucked him. I mean he looks like a bitch, he acts like a bitch, talks like a bitch, sleeps like a bitch, breathes like a bitch, Even when he won his matches he looked like a bitch, he- He could be on the cover of playboy and nobody would notice a thing.
Andre Aquarius is a man with the nickname "Sickwaves Blackamura" and it's impossible to have that knowledge and not hold immense respect for the man, however "dick-nose... dickamura" as I like to call him, is a known user of marijuana and drugs. As everyone knows marijuana is very, very bad. When I was a kid an adult told me marijuana eats people, I have reliable sources people. But of course Andre Aquarius hasn't been eaten yet, which brings me to the logical conclusion that, Andre Aquarius IS a MARIJUANA! A weed who eats weed! A cannibal cannabis! So when I face off against him, I will have to do my best to "smoke him"....
Hehe......
Hehehe.....
......
I'm gonna set him on fire.
And last but not least, Jason O'Neal, or as I like to call him "Dick".
Jason O'Neal is a fricking asshole who decides instead of earning his victories, he just gets rabid bears to eat people. H-He! He just gets a fricking bear to eat them! A Rabid Fricking Bear...h-he sucks. So! In order to defeat him, I will bring a bear of my own! And by 'Bear' I mean Elephant Seal! And by 'of my own' I mean I'll vet one of the producers to airdrop one in and then hope it whacks my opponents before it whacks me....It's a work in progress...
To all the people who want to join the VBCFA, remember soon to be Certified Cannon Fodder. You must defend...America!
William clicks a remote that makes a projector show a picture of the American flag.
William: Against! The.. Russians..
The projector now shows the Soviet union flag along with a picture of Gravediggers face photoshoped onto a catarpillar.
William: Good Luck! And uh.... Good luck?..Bro-ss... uh that didn't feel good. Cut out the part of me saying Bros it disgusted me. Reminded me of PieDePew.
Ainsley: It's pewdiepie..
William: Here's an idea! LEARN HOW TO WORK A FUCKING CARDBOARD SIGN! AINSLEY!
Ainsley:....Cameras still rolling.
William: IT'S REALLY FUC- TURN THE CAMERA OFF FOR GOODNESS SAKE, I THOUGHT WE WER-
And the advertisement ends.
There was a tiny whiteboard celetaped to a wall as well as a table with a stool behind, obviously placed there to look like a makeshift teachers desk but failing miserably.
After about 10 seconds of bad camera work and shaking the video cut to a close up of the desk. A sock puppet popped up.
Sock Puppet: Hello class. Today we are gonna be learning about history and Amazon prime drones.
The sock puppet paused for a second and then went face first into the desk along with another hand as Ainsley Ivanovic rose up from beneath the desk, not realising the camera was still rolling and obviously pissed at having to play a sock puppet.
Someone behind the camera played a YouTube clip of someone getting booed by millions of people. The camera turned to the 'pupils' who were just a bunch of cardboard with faces drawn on in brown felt tip. The exact same boo sound That was taken from a YouTube video of top ten loudest boos was played again.. Jim Ross' voice can be heard for two split seconds.
Jim Ross: I don't know if the rock sh-
The sound clip suddenly ends as the camera makes another scruffy cut. This time to the door.
Unknown Voice: Don't worry, soon to be VBA fans! I'll save you from boredom.
A suprisingly large foot bust through the door.
William: Ah shit! It's stuck!
Ainsley: What?
William: My Foot is fucking stuck! I can't mo-
The camera cuts again, somehow managing to be more obvious every time. Now William and Ainsley are standing in the classroom, as if nobody had gotten their foot stuck in the door at all. Or, most likely, as if the camera man and Ainsley had spent 8 minutes trying to jam William's foot out of the hole in the door.
William: Do not worry Children! The VBA is here!
Ainsley held up a piece of cardboard with the words 'V Be A' written on it.
William: Now! You may be wondering. "Why are the incredibly tough and busy VBA going around kicking doors open flawlessly without getting their foot stuck at all?" And also "Wh- Why is there an E?!
Ainsley: William I don't think that was your-
William: You put a fricking E on the sign! V! B! A! Three letters, it's really easy!
Ainsley: I'm Hungarian leave me alone!
William: Screw Hungary. Hungary is just Germany but not as European.
Ainsley: How does a European country become less European?
William: I dunno, You're the fricking Hungarian you should already know this stu-
After another poorly timed and obvious cut William and Ainsley are stood exactly where they were before Ainsley holding the exact same sign except with the E crossed out.
William: The Very Big Alliamce have an announcement to make. Quite recently I entered a tournament called the 'King of the Deathmatch tournament' mostly because I wanted to prove that it was impossible for indy midgets to be hard-core. However after my third match, I thought to myself "if these midgets are so weak, how come I'm in so much agonizing, indescribably pain?" And then I realised. I was judging people too much. Which is why I'm proud to announce that from now on people who are smaller than 6 foot 6 and weigh less than 400 pounds will not be considered midgets. However people who weigh less than 370 pounds and are smaller than 6 foot 5 WILL be considered midgets. Because they're stupid and dumb and also crappy.
William turned to Ainsley and realised that Ainsley had managed to screw up another seemingly simple task. William gritted his teeth and attempted to whisper although he was loud enough for people 2 floors above to hear exactly what he said.
William: Where's the other sign?
Ainsley: I moved it.
William: But it was celetaped to the other sign.
Ainsley: I un-celetaped it.
William: Why would you do that?
Ainsley: It was in the way.
William: No it wasn't in the way, you were meant to flip the sign around..
Ainsley: That would've been too difficult.
William: Oh my goodness Ainsley, you know I hate flippy shit BUT EVEN I KNOW HOW FUCKING EASY IT IS FOR FUCKS SAKE!
After the boring yet nessecary continuation of the 'cut the video' trend William and Ainsley stood in front of the desk which now had a huge hole in about the size of a fist. Ainsley was holding the correct sign.
William: So I have another announcement. Now that more people can be considered "not midgets" which is the highest honour a human being can have, If edecided to start a select group of people to help me and Ainsley in our matches. Called the VBCFA the "The Very Big Canon Fodder Association". Their job will be to do stuff like distract opponents during matches, have squash matches against my enemies and basically fail at every task I assign you to do. I will teach you with no respect, nor will anyone who knew you previously after they see what a lack of dignity you have. Despite the fact that this job requires no skill at all, There is a number if things you'll have to be able to do.
1: You must agree with everything I say, ever.
2: You must not like Fall Out Boys, Twenty One Drivers or whatever weird midget bands that are out there.
And 3: You must be able to do a "shoot-roast" you may be asking yourself "What's a Shoot-roast?"
"Why is FPV such a terrible person who had to resort to Amazon drones to defeat me?"
"Why did William NOT break the door or desk in this room, and Why will he deny charges if anyone attempts to sue him for it?"
Ok so: It's of medium difficulty, Because he's dishonorable and knocked my halberd out of my hand and because I had no intention of doing so and I have a good lawyer.
Let me "Roast" my opponents for ultimate showdown.
First up, Jaice Wilds or as I like to call him "Baby Chick" Hehehehe.
Because he flies.
And- And- And he sucks dick....
Birds do that.....
...
...
"Birdjob"
Ainsley: William!
William: Sorry! It was just a thought that came into my head and was too interesting to leave!
Anyway Jaice Wilds is a good jumper but in the Ultimate Showdown he was exposed as being the company mattress. Which for those unaware meant everyone fucked him. I mean he looks like a bitch, he acts like a bitch, talks like a bitch, sleeps like a bitch, breathes like a bitch, Even when he won his matches he looked like a bitch, he- He could be on the cover of playboy and nobody would notice a thing.
Andre Aquarius is a man with the nickname "Sickwaves Blackamura" and it's impossible to have that knowledge and not hold immense respect for the man, however "dick-nose... dickamura" as I like to call him, is a known user of marijuana and drugs. As everyone knows marijuana is very, very bad. When I was a kid an adult told me marijuana eats people, I have reliable sources people. But of course Andre Aquarius hasn't been eaten yet, which brings me to the logical conclusion that, Andre Aquarius IS a MARIJUANA! A weed who eats weed! A cannibal cannabis! So when I face off against him, I will have to do my best to "smoke him"....
Hehe......
Hehehe.....
......
I'm gonna set him on fire.
And last but not least, Jason O'Neal, or as I like to call him "Dick".
Jason O'Neal is a fricking asshole who decides instead of earning his victories, he just gets rabid bears to eat people. H-He! He just gets a fricking bear to eat them! A Rabid Fricking Bear...h-he sucks. So! In order to defeat him, I will bring a bear of my own! And by 'Bear' I mean Elephant Seal! And by 'of my own' I mean I'll vet one of the producers to airdrop one in and then hope it whacks my opponents before it whacks me....It's a work in progress...
To all the people who want to join the VBCFA, remember soon to be Certified Cannon Fodder. You must defend...America!
William clicks a remote that makes a projector show a picture of the American flag.
William: Against! The.. Russians..
The projector now shows the Soviet union flag along with a picture of Gravediggers face photoshoped onto a catarpillar.
William: Good Luck! And uh.... Good luck?..Bro-ss... uh that didn't feel good. Cut out the part of me saying Bros it disgusted me. Reminded me of PieDePew.
Ainsley: It's pewdiepie..
William: Here's an idea! LEARN HOW TO WORK A FUCKING CARDBOARD SIGN! AINSLEY!
Ainsley:....Cameras still rolling.
William: IT'S REALLY FUC- TURN THE CAMERA OFF FOR GOODNESS SAKE, I THOUGHT WE WER-
And the advertisement ends.