Post by Jayson Price on Jul 30, 2017 1:37:41 GMT -5
July 28th, 2017
Price Tower
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
9PM
Gravedigger: "So this is what you've been reduced to? Stealing my ideas and tweaking them enough so that it looks like you came up with something on your own?"
Jayson Price: "First off, I'm the only one allowed to go meta when the red light is on. If we're both sitting here talking like that wall isn't there, this whole thing becomes one big joke in itself."
The scene is slowly fading in on the interior of the penthouse atop Price Tower as we can hear the back and forth banter between Gravedigger and Jayson Price. Finally we can see that they are sitting in the living room, Gravedigger on the couch looking perturbed and Price in a chair with a glass of whiskey in his hand.
Jayson Price: "Second, you're implying that I actually pay attention to anything that you talk about. How long have you known me again, Gravy?"
Gravedigger: "Look, all I know is that on Monday I sent you a clip of me reading this story that I wrote and now you've got me over here and you're talking about stories that you've written and it all sounds just a little to similar to be a coincidence."
Jayson Price: "First off, I didn't write any stupid stories, I did full on animation. Jayson Price never goes cheap, not for alcohol, not for houses and certainly not for on camera promos. Secondly, again you're implying that I paid attention. When have I ever been known for that?"
Gravedigger: "As hard as it is to argue with that, I still call shenanigans."
Jayson Price: "Will you just shut up and watch the first one with me? I swear, it's nothing like your little Avengers parody story bullshit."
Gravedigger: "AHA! So you did watch it!"
Jayson Price: "No, I just, uh, saw that tweet you tagged me in the day after you sent me your video. You're a real tweet whore, you know that?"
Price takes a long sip from his drink as Gravedigger shakes his head.
Gravedigger: "All right, despite the fact that I'm sure this is going to be an absolute train wreck of an idea, I'm here so I might as well see what you have."
Jayson Price: "Hooray! Bob, bring in my laptop."
Price takes another sip from his drink as Gravedigger looks around.
Gravedigger: "Uh, didn't he kidnap Shannan and try to kill you in Mexico?"
Jayson Price: "Oh yeah. Stu! Bring my laptop!"
Gravedigger: "Mexico."
Jayson Price: "Fuck. Well, I guess I need a new bitch."
Gravedigger: "I swear to god if you even take one look at me..."
Jayson Price: "Fine. Wait here and don't touch anything."
Price gets up out of his chair and leaves the room as Gravedigger looks around.
Gravedigger: "How the fuck does this guy still have this Tower? And what the fuck is this thing?"
Gravedigger reaches over to the table beside him and picks up a small crystal seagull.
Gravedigger: "Are you kidding me?"
He holds it up to the light so he can get a better look and it tumbles to the floor where it breaks. Digger quickly uses his hand to sweep it under the couch and then sits upright as Price walks back into the room with a laptop and takes a seat on the couch beside him.
Jayson Price: "So like I was saying, I don't go cheap when it comes to shit like this. I got some full on animation here, hired me some college kids from Temple that probably got to see the closest they'll ever get to a real job with their shit degrees."
Gravedigger: "As much as you're hyping this up, I can already tell that it's going to suck."
Jayson Price: "Will you just shut the fuck up and watch? Now this first one, I'm not exactly in love with the name so maybe you can give me some ideas after seeing it."
Price reaches forward and clicks on a button. The camera zooms in on the screen as the video begins to play.
Gravedigger: "'Little Davey'? What the fuck is this? Some kind of kids show bullshit?"
Jayson Price: "Shh, you're gonna miss it."
On the screen we can see as a cartoon little boy, no more than 4 or 5, is running circles around an older male adult. The small boy is wearing a t-shirt with the flag of Chicago on it and a toy crown is resting on his head. The man finally has enough of his nonsense and puts a hand out, grabbing hold of his shoulder.
The Man: "Now, now, little Davey, what have I told you about running? You know that you tend to fall on your face everytime and that you need picked up and comforted."
Little Davey: "But I won't fall on my face this time, I swear!"
The Man: "Well you said that last time and how did that work out for you?"
Little Davey lowers his head and sticks out his lip.
Little Davey: "I got hurt."
The Man: "Exactly, you fell on your face and you got hurt. Now what's say instead of that, we get you a cookie and watch some cartoons?"
Little Davey: "Yay!"
The man tussles Little Davey's hair and then walks out of the room as the boy straightens his crown. The man walks back into the room and hands Davey a cookie before walking over to pick up the remote. Little Davey takes a bite and forgets to chew, which causes him to instantly start to choke. The man has to drop the remote and run back over to Davey to begin giving the heimlich.
The Man: "Darn it Davey! We've had this talk before!"
Little Davey finally spits out a chunk of cookie onto the floor and begins to cough.
The Man: "How many times have I told you that you need to chew? I swear, how many times do you need to choke before you learn your lesson?"
Little Davey: "I learned it this time!"
Little Davey smiles and then takes a big bite of his cookie. But again he forgets to chew and he begins to choke. The Man shakes his head and gives Davey the heimlich until he spits up the cookie.
The Man: "Davey! You choked again!"
Little Davey: "Oopsie daisey! Hold on, I know I've got it this time."
Davey takes the final bite of the cookie and starts to chew. The man smiles proudly as it appears as though Little Davey has finally succeeded in not choking. He gives the young boy a pat on the shoulder and turns to walk back to the remote, when Davey begins to choke.
The Man: "Davey!"
The scene fades out to black as the man has to once again save Little Davey from choking.
Jayson Price: "So what do you think?"
Gravedigger: "...what in the fuck did I just watch?"
Jayson Price: "What do you mean? It was right there in the title! 'Little Davey'!"
Gravedigger: "I know what it was called, but what in the fuck was that shit? That was stupid and terrible."
Jayson Price: "Uh, that was the exact opposite of stupid and terrible. You just don't have any taste."
Gravedigger: "That was the worst god damn parody of a person that I've ever seen, Price. You just had them draw up a little boy that won't stop choking."
Jayson Price: "It's smart comedy, you obviously just don't get it."
Gravedigger: "Yeah, sure, that's the problem here. What else do you have?"
Jayson Price: "Well, uh, that was actually the only one that they were able to compete. Turns out animation, even one that lasts only 5 minutes, takes forever to produce and these guys were only working for 3 days."
Gravedigger: "So you flew me all the way out to Philadelphia to show me a 5 minute cartoon?"
Jayson Price: "Shut up! Also, I mean, I do have the list of ideas I came up with for more shorts. Here, listen to these."
Price clicks around on his laptop before bringing up a notepad with a list on it.
Jayson Price: "I was thinking about doing a parody of Squirrel Girl, only it was a guy that somewhat resembled Dion."
Gravedigger: "What in the fuck is a Squirrel Girl?"
Price shoots Gravedigger a questioning look and then clicks onto Google. A few seconds later, he points to a picture on the screen.
Jayson Price: "That is a Squirrel Girl."
Gravedigger: "..."
Jayson Price: "Long story short, she has some heightened agility, claws and a tail and can communicate with squirrels. But the part that I was focusing on is the long running idea that her actual superpower is Luck. As is, this bitch is the absolute luckiest being in the entire universe. It's the only way to explain how someone that can lead an army of squirrels can take down supervillains that are overpowered to the point that they are gods."
Gravedigger: "When the fuck did you turn into a nerd, exactly?"
Jayson Price: "Fuck off. Anyway, the whole short was going to be a knock on the fact that Dion has essentially become the luckiest son of a bitch that ever existed. Going from total obscurity to World Champion the way he did? And he did it in a relatively strong era, not a weak as fuck one like Bates or Gemini Battle? How do you explain that shit?!"
Gravedigger: "Something I've already touched on..."
Jayson Price: "Quit acting like you expected anyone to see that shit."
Gravedigger: "What other genius ideas do you have?"
Jayson Price: "You think it would be too racist to do a COPS style parody for Andre?"
Gravedigger: "Well it wouldn't be racist to me..."
Jayson Price: "Fuck it, I'll scratch that one off the list. Steven Singh in an Edge Of Tomorrow parody where he keeps getting closer and closer to getting out of obscurity, but he dies everytime. Maybe even one time he's so close that he can almost touch it, you know, a real tease."
Gravedigger: "That joke is more overplayed than the one about Ethan King being forgettable. Come on Price, come up with something original already."
Jayson Price: "Well I'm running out of ideas god damn it! The best thing I've got left here is a mock protest by a bunch of keyboard warriors angry because Price is too mean to them. You know, they're all worked up because he made a joke about some transgender faggot and he's just smiling and nodding to piss them off. It's not even a comedy or anything, just a rip on whiny little bitches getting worked up over shit on the internet but doing nothing outside typing some long, drawn out post and then jerking themselves off because they feel important."
Gravedigger: "Wait, you didn't even come up with something for me? I don't know if I should feel honored or suspicious."
Jayson Price: "I had a bit where you woke up in a woman's body inside one of your MS13 hideouts...but it got kind of dark fast and, well, even I felt uncomfortable."
Gravedigger: "You wrote a bit about me getting gang raped and murdered, didn't you?"
Jayson Price: "Is it worse if I say I had you enjoying the rape and that's why they killed you?"
Gravedigger: "..."
Jayson Price: "And that's why I didn't have them animate that one. You're welcome."
Gravedigger: "I'm just going to act like you didn't say that and see myself out."
Jayson Price: "Come back anytime!"
Gravedigger leaves the room, looking thoroughly disturbed. As he descends in the elevator, Price looks over to the table beside his couch.
Jayson Price: "Where the fuck is my seagull?"
The scene fades out to black abruptly.
Price Tower
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
9PM
Gravedigger: "So this is what you've been reduced to? Stealing my ideas and tweaking them enough so that it looks like you came up with something on your own?"
Jayson Price: "First off, I'm the only one allowed to go meta when the red light is on. If we're both sitting here talking like that wall isn't there, this whole thing becomes one big joke in itself."
The scene is slowly fading in on the interior of the penthouse atop Price Tower as we can hear the back and forth banter between Gravedigger and Jayson Price. Finally we can see that they are sitting in the living room, Gravedigger on the couch looking perturbed and Price in a chair with a glass of whiskey in his hand.
Jayson Price: "Second, you're implying that I actually pay attention to anything that you talk about. How long have you known me again, Gravy?"
Gravedigger: "Look, all I know is that on Monday I sent you a clip of me reading this story that I wrote and now you've got me over here and you're talking about stories that you've written and it all sounds just a little to similar to be a coincidence."
Jayson Price: "First off, I didn't write any stupid stories, I did full on animation. Jayson Price never goes cheap, not for alcohol, not for houses and certainly not for on camera promos. Secondly, again you're implying that I paid attention. When have I ever been known for that?"
Gravedigger: "As hard as it is to argue with that, I still call shenanigans."
Jayson Price: "Will you just shut up and watch the first one with me? I swear, it's nothing like your little Avengers parody story bullshit."
Gravedigger: "AHA! So you did watch it!"
Jayson Price: "No, I just, uh, saw that tweet you tagged me in the day after you sent me your video. You're a real tweet whore, you know that?"
Price takes a long sip from his drink as Gravedigger shakes his head.
Gravedigger: "All right, despite the fact that I'm sure this is going to be an absolute train wreck of an idea, I'm here so I might as well see what you have."
Jayson Price: "Hooray! Bob, bring in my laptop."
Price takes another sip from his drink as Gravedigger looks around.
Gravedigger: "Uh, didn't he kidnap Shannan and try to kill you in Mexico?"
Jayson Price: "Oh yeah. Stu! Bring my laptop!"
Gravedigger: "Mexico."
Jayson Price: "Fuck. Well, I guess I need a new bitch."
Gravedigger: "I swear to god if you even take one look at me..."
Jayson Price: "Fine. Wait here and don't touch anything."
Price gets up out of his chair and leaves the room as Gravedigger looks around.
Gravedigger: "How the fuck does this guy still have this Tower? And what the fuck is this thing?"
Gravedigger reaches over to the table beside him and picks up a small crystal seagull.
Gravedigger: "Are you kidding me?"
He holds it up to the light so he can get a better look and it tumbles to the floor where it breaks. Digger quickly uses his hand to sweep it under the couch and then sits upright as Price walks back into the room with a laptop and takes a seat on the couch beside him.
Jayson Price: "So like I was saying, I don't go cheap when it comes to shit like this. I got some full on animation here, hired me some college kids from Temple that probably got to see the closest they'll ever get to a real job with their shit degrees."
Gravedigger: "As much as you're hyping this up, I can already tell that it's going to suck."
Jayson Price: "Will you just shut the fuck up and watch? Now this first one, I'm not exactly in love with the name so maybe you can give me some ideas after seeing it."
Price reaches forward and clicks on a button. The camera zooms in on the screen as the video begins to play.
'Little Davey'
Gravedigger: "'Little Davey'? What the fuck is this? Some kind of kids show bullshit?"
Jayson Price: "Shh, you're gonna miss it."
On the screen we can see as a cartoon little boy, no more than 4 or 5, is running circles around an older male adult. The small boy is wearing a t-shirt with the flag of Chicago on it and a toy crown is resting on his head. The man finally has enough of his nonsense and puts a hand out, grabbing hold of his shoulder.
The Man: "Now, now, little Davey, what have I told you about running? You know that you tend to fall on your face everytime and that you need picked up and comforted."
Little Davey: "But I won't fall on my face this time, I swear!"
The Man: "Well you said that last time and how did that work out for you?"
Little Davey lowers his head and sticks out his lip.
Little Davey: "I got hurt."
The Man: "Exactly, you fell on your face and you got hurt. Now what's say instead of that, we get you a cookie and watch some cartoons?"
Little Davey: "Yay!"
The man tussles Little Davey's hair and then walks out of the room as the boy straightens his crown. The man walks back into the room and hands Davey a cookie before walking over to pick up the remote. Little Davey takes a bite and forgets to chew, which causes him to instantly start to choke. The man has to drop the remote and run back over to Davey to begin giving the heimlich.
The Man: "Darn it Davey! We've had this talk before!"
Little Davey finally spits out a chunk of cookie onto the floor and begins to cough.
The Man: "How many times have I told you that you need to chew? I swear, how many times do you need to choke before you learn your lesson?"
Little Davey: "I learned it this time!"
Little Davey smiles and then takes a big bite of his cookie. But again he forgets to chew and he begins to choke. The Man shakes his head and gives Davey the heimlich until he spits up the cookie.
The Man: "Davey! You choked again!"
Little Davey: "Oopsie daisey! Hold on, I know I've got it this time."
Davey takes the final bite of the cookie and starts to chew. The man smiles proudly as it appears as though Little Davey has finally succeeded in not choking. He gives the young boy a pat on the shoulder and turns to walk back to the remote, when Davey begins to choke.
The Man: "Davey!"
The scene fades out to black as the man has to once again save Little Davey from choking.
'The End'
Jayson Price: "So what do you think?"
Gravedigger: "...what in the fuck did I just watch?"
Jayson Price: "What do you mean? It was right there in the title! 'Little Davey'!"
Gravedigger: "I know what it was called, but what in the fuck was that shit? That was stupid and terrible."
Jayson Price: "Uh, that was the exact opposite of stupid and terrible. You just don't have any taste."
Gravedigger: "That was the worst god damn parody of a person that I've ever seen, Price. You just had them draw up a little boy that won't stop choking."
Jayson Price: "It's smart comedy, you obviously just don't get it."
Gravedigger: "Yeah, sure, that's the problem here. What else do you have?"
Jayson Price: "Well, uh, that was actually the only one that they were able to compete. Turns out animation, even one that lasts only 5 minutes, takes forever to produce and these guys were only working for 3 days."
Gravedigger: "So you flew me all the way out to Philadelphia to show me a 5 minute cartoon?"
Jayson Price: "Shut up! Also, I mean, I do have the list of ideas I came up with for more shorts. Here, listen to these."
Price clicks around on his laptop before bringing up a notepad with a list on it.
Jayson Price: "I was thinking about doing a parody of Squirrel Girl, only it was a guy that somewhat resembled Dion."
Gravedigger: "What in the fuck is a Squirrel Girl?"
Price shoots Gravedigger a questioning look and then clicks onto Google. A few seconds later, he points to a picture on the screen.
Jayson Price: "That is a Squirrel Girl."
Gravedigger: "..."
Jayson Price: "Long story short, she has some heightened agility, claws and a tail and can communicate with squirrels. But the part that I was focusing on is the long running idea that her actual superpower is Luck. As is, this bitch is the absolute luckiest being in the entire universe. It's the only way to explain how someone that can lead an army of squirrels can take down supervillains that are overpowered to the point that they are gods."
Gravedigger: "When the fuck did you turn into a nerd, exactly?"
Jayson Price: "Fuck off. Anyway, the whole short was going to be a knock on the fact that Dion has essentially become the luckiest son of a bitch that ever existed. Going from total obscurity to World Champion the way he did? And he did it in a relatively strong era, not a weak as fuck one like Bates or Gemini Battle? How do you explain that shit?!"
Gravedigger: "Something I've already touched on..."
Jayson Price: "Quit acting like you expected anyone to see that shit."
Gravedigger: "What other genius ideas do you have?"
Jayson Price: "You think it would be too racist to do a COPS style parody for Andre?"
Gravedigger: "Well it wouldn't be racist to me..."
Jayson Price: "Fuck it, I'll scratch that one off the list. Steven Singh in an Edge Of Tomorrow parody where he keeps getting closer and closer to getting out of obscurity, but he dies everytime. Maybe even one time he's so close that he can almost touch it, you know, a real tease."
Gravedigger: "That joke is more overplayed than the one about Ethan King being forgettable. Come on Price, come up with something original already."
Jayson Price: "Well I'm running out of ideas god damn it! The best thing I've got left here is a mock protest by a bunch of keyboard warriors angry because Price is too mean to them. You know, they're all worked up because he made a joke about some transgender faggot and he's just smiling and nodding to piss them off. It's not even a comedy or anything, just a rip on whiny little bitches getting worked up over shit on the internet but doing nothing outside typing some long, drawn out post and then jerking themselves off because they feel important."
Gravedigger: "Wait, you didn't even come up with something for me? I don't know if I should feel honored or suspicious."
Jayson Price: "I had a bit where you woke up in a woman's body inside one of your MS13 hideouts...but it got kind of dark fast and, well, even I felt uncomfortable."
Gravedigger: "You wrote a bit about me getting gang raped and murdered, didn't you?"
Jayson Price: "Is it worse if I say I had you enjoying the rape and that's why they killed you?"
Gravedigger: "..."
Jayson Price: "And that's why I didn't have them animate that one. You're welcome."
Gravedigger: "I'm just going to act like you didn't say that and see myself out."
Jayson Price: "Come back anytime!"
Gravedigger leaves the room, looking thoroughly disturbed. As he descends in the elevator, Price looks over to the table beside his couch.
Jayson Price: "Where the fuck is my seagull?"
The scene fades out to black abruptly.