Post by Damian Simmons on Jul 26, 2017 19:28:04 GMT -5
*Damian Simmons walks into the shot and sits in a large armchair. He is dressed in a beige suit, wearing a white wig and a long, fake white beard. He is carrying a brown, hardcover book under his arm*
Simmons. *in an old man voice* Good evening, children. My name is Mr. Simmons, and welcome back to Mr. Simmons' Storytime. Are you ready for a nice story? This is one of my favorites. It's a story of love, hurt, and loss. A lot of loss. But, with a happy ending.
*Simmons opens the book, which is upside down, to a random page*
Simmons. This is the story of a man named Matthew. Matthew was a very bad man. He wasn't evil or anything, though he tried to be. No, I mean he was bad in a sense of just being a failure.
Try as Matthew might, he just couldn't get the job done in his profession. Time after time, he would try his best, but he just couldn't do it. Try and try and try, fail and fail and fail.
So one day, down in the dumps, down in his luck, Matthew found a tiny bit of hope. Matthew decided to join the King of the Deathmatch tournament.
"This is it," Matthew thought to himself, "this is how I'll get people to respect me! I'll win this and win everyone's respect!"
However, this wasn't the case. Night one, he tried his best, but failed. Night two, he tried his best, but didn't even get close. But wait! On night three, he actually gets a victory! Yay! Maybe things are finally looking up for young Matthew! But... they weren't. Things eventually came burning down for Matthew... on night four, he was soundly defeated. But maybe little Matthew can finish strong! Maybe he can get one last win to end the whole thing! Nope.
So, there he was, broken and defeated. Matthew had tried his hardest with little to show for it. Little, tiny, young Matthew, who had been quite optimistic about his career, was-
*An old, rotary phone begins to ring*
Simmons. Oh, please excuse me.
*Simmons gets up from his chair and answers the phone*
Simmons. Hello? Oh hi, deary! Can I call you back? I'm in the middle of storytime. Okay, thank you. Oh, and please remind me to ask you how to work one of those iPads! Thank you, deary. I will talk to you later, bye bye.
*Simmons hangs up the phone, sits down in his chair, and reopens the book*
Simmons. My apologies, children. Now, where were we? Let's see... Matthew loses, no. Matthew loses again, no. Oh! Here we are! *clears his throat, which turns into a coughing fit* now, tiny baby boy Matthew was finally broken. He was so tired of losing, he had to do something about it.
After a long time, debating weather or not he should do what he was about to do, young, small, baby boy, tiny Matthew boy decided he should. Grabbing his prized possession, a dingy little baseball bat from fifteen years ago, and set out on his mission.
The big, lovable Damian Simmons was standing in front of a camera, telling the fans watching just how much he loved them so. This angered young, tiny, baby, small boy Matthew, as nobody could love a monster who would do what he was about to do.
The young baby boy jumped. His small, tiny, baby bat struck the lovable giant with such force, it knocked the poor man down. Young, small, baby, tiny, young baby boy Matthew did not stop, no matter how many people told him to stop.
But fear not, dear children. There is a happy ending to this story. You see, the big, lovable, love giant, Damian Simmons, is healing quite nicely. And he is preparing to defeat the lowly, young, small, tiny, baby, young, baby small boy Matthew, claiming victory for all of the people in the audience who love him so. And those who do not like the evil, young, small... you get the picture.
*Simmons closes the book with an audible "thump"*
Simmons. The. End. What did you think, children? Good, right? I knew you'd love it. Well, I'd better be off. I need to call my grandchild, she's gonna teach me how to use one of those new fangled earPads. Ta-ta!
*Simmons attempts to get up from his armchair before falling back down. Trying again, with a loud grunt, he made it to his feet, slowly walking away*
Simmons. *in an old man voice* Good evening, children. My name is Mr. Simmons, and welcome back to Mr. Simmons' Storytime. Are you ready for a nice story? This is one of my favorites. It's a story of love, hurt, and loss. A lot of loss. But, with a happy ending.
*Simmons opens the book, which is upside down, to a random page*
Simmons. This is the story of a man named Matthew. Matthew was a very bad man. He wasn't evil or anything, though he tried to be. No, I mean he was bad in a sense of just being a failure.
Try as Matthew might, he just couldn't get the job done in his profession. Time after time, he would try his best, but he just couldn't do it. Try and try and try, fail and fail and fail.
So one day, down in the dumps, down in his luck, Matthew found a tiny bit of hope. Matthew decided to join the King of the Deathmatch tournament.
"This is it," Matthew thought to himself, "this is how I'll get people to respect me! I'll win this and win everyone's respect!"
However, this wasn't the case. Night one, he tried his best, but failed. Night two, he tried his best, but didn't even get close. But wait! On night three, he actually gets a victory! Yay! Maybe things are finally looking up for young Matthew! But... they weren't. Things eventually came burning down for Matthew... on night four, he was soundly defeated. But maybe little Matthew can finish strong! Maybe he can get one last win to end the whole thing! Nope.
So, there he was, broken and defeated. Matthew had tried his hardest with little to show for it. Little, tiny, young Matthew, who had been quite optimistic about his career, was-
*An old, rotary phone begins to ring*
Simmons. Oh, please excuse me.
*Simmons gets up from his chair and answers the phone*
Simmons. Hello? Oh hi, deary! Can I call you back? I'm in the middle of storytime. Okay, thank you. Oh, and please remind me to ask you how to work one of those iPads! Thank you, deary. I will talk to you later, bye bye.
*Simmons hangs up the phone, sits down in his chair, and reopens the book*
Simmons. My apologies, children. Now, where were we? Let's see... Matthew loses, no. Matthew loses again, no. Oh! Here we are! *clears his throat, which turns into a coughing fit* now, tiny baby boy Matthew was finally broken. He was so tired of losing, he had to do something about it.
After a long time, debating weather or not he should do what he was about to do, young, small, baby boy, tiny Matthew boy decided he should. Grabbing his prized possession, a dingy little baseball bat from fifteen years ago, and set out on his mission.
The big, lovable Damian Simmons was standing in front of a camera, telling the fans watching just how much he loved them so. This angered young, tiny, baby, small boy Matthew, as nobody could love a monster who would do what he was about to do.
The young baby boy jumped. His small, tiny, baby bat struck the lovable giant with such force, it knocked the poor man down. Young, small, baby, tiny, young baby boy Matthew did not stop, no matter how many people told him to stop.
But fear not, dear children. There is a happy ending to this story. You see, the big, lovable, love giant, Damian Simmons, is healing quite nicely. And he is preparing to defeat the lowly, young, small, tiny, baby, young, baby small boy Matthew, claiming victory for all of the people in the audience who love him so. And those who do not like the evil, young, small... you get the picture.
*Simmons closes the book with an audible "thump"*
Simmons. The. End. What did you think, children? Good, right? I knew you'd love it. Well, I'd better be off. I need to call my grandchild, she's gonna teach me how to use one of those new fangled earPads. Ta-ta!
*Simmons attempts to get up from his armchair before falling back down. Trying again, with a loud grunt, he made it to his feet, slowly walking away*