Post by The Very Big Śpainards on Jul 23, 2017 12:47:28 GMT -5
An old woman sat down at a bus stop. There was a nice wooden brown bench and she was holding a s uprisingly large purple, cotton bag. The woman had been waiting for about 5 minutes for her bus. The Very Big Alliance however where also waiting for a bus. William sat down best to the woman and took up the rest of the bench with his large figure. He was holding a box of chocolates. Ainsley just stood here awkwardly.
William: Hi my name is William. William the Behemoth.
The Old Woman looked at him confused.
Old Woman: Hello...
William: Back in my town we had a saying 'Life is like a box of chocolates, the smaller ones suck huge dick and the bigger ones are better because they're nicer to ea-'
William stopped himself from talking before finishing the sentence. He didn't want anyone thinking that the only reason tall and 'muscular' are good is because they can get eaten.
William: Nevermind. Anyway my bus is gonna be here soon so let me tell you my life story, with no lies or false facts at all.
William opened the box of chocolate and stuffed it into his mouth.
William: I first started off as a baby, surprisingly. I grew up in Miami, Florida. I had a decent life, went to school, made friends. They called me Dunk Master William because of how good I was at basketball. Eventually I left school and started watching wrestling, thought that the little indy midgets who got 'this is awesome' chants for doing basically nothing were faggot type pokemon and joined WCF. I had a decent start picking up Two wins right of the bat. Then I lost to Trey Carter. Rest in peace two win streak. Then after having a brawl with semi-spoopy men I got a call from extremely psychotic spoopy men, and we fought, one of them bit me and the other kicked me in the testicles. And they won a match and VBA won a match. However before the pay-per-view in which we beat the "testicle-kickers United" we had a match against Lillith and "Psychopaths City" knocked her out so we beat her, winning the Internet Championship.
Old Woman: Ah, So in an ironic twist the people who you hated ending up giving you a championship.
William: NO! Whe-Where did you get that idea? We won it all by ourselves.
Old Woman: But you just said the woman you fought was knocked out before the match.
William: Yeah! Wel-.....You know after-.....Nngharg! Oblivion Sucks Dick!
William shouted slamming his hand onto his knees startling the Woman.
William: Anyway after our win, A secret Russian spy called Gravedigger got some of his Russian spies to poison my can of uh...Pepsi? Yeah Pepsi. And I lost.
Ainsley: But I thought you hated Pepsi?
William: SHAT UUUP!
Anyway after losing my title I decided to enter the KoTD tournament. And I wasn't even beaten once. Bear couldn't kill me nor could a shark. And that's it really.
Ainsley: Cool. Do you not realise anything, William?
William: Huh?
Ainsley: You've been wrestling for a couple months now, what have you learned?
William: Well, Nothing really.
Ainsley facepalmed as the bus they were supposed to be getting on arrived. The two big men hopped on the bus. They got off the bus about 20 minutes later and walked to a tower of apartments. They walked over to the elevator, probably because going to the floor they were meant to with the stairs would most likely make them pass out. They arrived on floor 3 and went to room 30. They were greeted by a popular wrestler they had met on the internet and, like they planned, they did a live podcast.
_________________________________
22nd July 2017
Jamie FagNabbit podcast.
Jamie FagNabbit: Hello and welcome to the Jamie FagNabbit podcast, I'm your host, Jamie FagNabbit here with my guests at this time, William the Behemoth and Ainsley Ivanovic: The Very Big Alliance.
William: Yeah dat me.
Jamie: So William, You've made it to the finals of the KoTD tournament, how does it feel to be at the top?
William: It feels like I got bit by a shark and a bear and Oblivion hit me with broken glass glued to his hands. It's a good achievement but the KoTD isn't just something you can win without even trying. I can barely even move my legs-
Ainsley: What else is new?
William stopped what he was saying and stared at Ainsley with a look that could frighten a lion. As long as said lion didn't see how fat William was or else it's lick it's lips and prepare for a free meal.
Ainsley Paused for a moment and had a retarded smile on his face.
Ainsley: FAAAAAATEEEYYYYY!!!
William: Ay shut yo fecking mouth buddeh!! I'll bear spray your penis and then beat you up.
Ainsley: Didn't beat me up when we had that interview though did ya?
Jamie FagNabbit: What happened when you had the interview.
William: Ainsley called a bunch of his Hungarian goons to hold me down while he slapped my face and then cried because he broke his hand.
Ainsley: I dunt tink dat happeeeeened.
William: ITDIDSOSHUTYOURMOUTH!
Ainsley lowered his posture but kept his retarded smile as William finished slamming the table. Jamie FagNabbit was a respected journalist so he decided to ask a different question.
Jamie FagNabbit: So what do you two think about FPV, grand slam winner and you opponent this Sunday at slam.
William: FAKE PALE VAGINA!
Everyone in the room went quiet as William gave them both a snarl.
Jamie FagNabbit:......
Ainsley:.......Well he is a respected-
William: FAKE PALE VAGINA!!
Ainsley:....Wrestler who has a lot of wins under his-
William: FAKE PALE VAGINA!
Ainsley: And! We know that he is very crafty! So he could use weapons such as-
William: FAKE PALE VAGINA!
Ainsley: SHUT UP!
William gasped overdramatically and crossed his arms.
William: Oh my bad. I didn't realise I wasn't allowed to state my opinion YOU COMMUNIST HAMSTER! Yeah don't think I forgot about that time in Mexico. But anyway, Whatevs. You oldies continue your dumb podcast.
Ainsley: I'm younger than you.
William: shutyourfuckingmouth
William: FPV is a well respected halfling and has accomplished many things in his career but if his bacteria ass tries to front me he goin catch these hands, there finished.
Jamie FagNabbit: Ok! So anyway-
William: I just find it funny how Ainsley's nickname is 'the tank'.
Ainsley: Don't bring the fricking communism thing back up I swear if-
William: No! Not because of that. I already brought that up once, I ain't gonna do it again. It's funny because one of mister FPV's nicknames is 'Frank the tank'.
Ainsley: oh...Well that's pretty cool, I guess-
William: Bringing it up so that Ainsley can get sued.
Ainsley: Ay that's dirty! You know I don't have that much money.
William: Don't worry you can just ask Stalin for a loan.
Ainsley: You said you wouldn't being it up again!
William: Fine! Ask another question FagNabbit.
Jamie FagNabbit:....Ok so, the stipulation for your match is an ultimate Deathmatch, which means you can bring any weapon you want to beat your opponent. Willing to share any thoughts?
William: Bear Spray. Maybe a medieval halberd as well.
Ainsley: You know how to wield a medieval halberd?
William: What kind of question is tha- Of course I don't have medieval training with a fricking hamberd or whatever. I'm just gonna swing it around and hope for the best.
Jamie FagNabbit: Ok. You know what? That's the end of the podcast, see you all next week on the Jamie FagNabbit podcast ladies and gentlemen.
Jamie FagNabbit quickly switched of the computer thing he was using to record the podcast.
Ainsley: You said this was gonna be an hour long podcast, it's been like 10 minutes.
Jamie FagNabbit: That was not a podcast. That was a slow motion car crash. You're both free to leave.
Ainsley: Car Crash?!
William: Wow Jamie. For a guy with Fag in his surname you are very discrimative.
Jamie FagNabbit: You know what? Get out before I call the cops.
William: White boy snitching, why am I surprised...
Jamie FagNabbit: GET OUT.
William and Ainsley both rose from their seats and walked towards the door. William made sure to knock a few things over as he left.
William: This ain't the last you've seen of Me, FagNabbit.
William and Ainsley left the building quickly and were waiting in an alley for a taxi.
Ainsley was pacing left to right as William just sat down on some bin bags.
Ainsley: What even happened to you?
William: Me? Being a cool ass dude happened. I'm cooler than Captain America.
Ainsley: No! I mean- Think back to when we first started and those two dudes came up to us and asked us about uh....American Carnage.
William: If I remember correctly I told them to respect me and then I dissed American Carnage because they were small.
Ainsley: Do you remember shouting when you did that?
William: No. No actually.
Ainsley: Then how come every time you the name of someone you don't like, or something else inconvenient happens you scream your fucking head off?!
William: BECAUSE!
Ainsley: That's not an answer, you Gluton!
William: You insulted me using a word I don't know, THAT PISSES ME OFF!!
Ainsley: Everything pissed you off! You're too self absorbed to listen to what anyone else says and you're to stupid to think of any ideas by yourself. YOU'RE LITERALLY A SENTIENT POTATO!
William: I'M NOT A FUCKING POTATO!
Ainsley: Yes you are! Admit it!
William: Actually! Why don't we talk about you Ainsley?
Ainsley: WH- Well! You know err...Ok! We don't have to it's ju-
William: Where'd you learn how to wrestle?
Ainsley: Well...You know there's a bunch of places you wouldn't know.
William: Ok fine! Who taught you how to wrestle?
Ainsley:...
William: Who taught you how to wrestle, Ainsley?
Ainsley:...Well I don't real-
William: WAS IT MUSSOLINI?!
Ainsley: No! I ju- I looked stuff up. I looked at pay-per-view and stuff. I wasn't properly trained.
William: Hmmph. Maybe I am a narcisitic genius, But you're A FUCKING POTATO!
Ainsley: NAH!
William: Yeah! You're the potato and your tried to call me one to cover your tracks.
Ainsley: NOBODY IS A POTATO! How about that? We're both real men and We're surrounded by human strap-on penises.
William: Ok fine!
Ainsley: Sorry for calling you a potato.
William: Sorry for calling you a boiled egg.
Ainsley: You didnt call me a boiled egg.
William: Yeah well I thought of saying it. I think of calling you a boiled egg a lot actually, almost daily.
Ainsley: Well that's-
William: I mean look at your head.
Ainsley: It's my style and I lik-
William: It's like there's a mini village living on your head and they all cut your hair.
Ainsley: Well We're not young for-
William: Like wow! That's bald. That is bald. Dang.
Ainsley: Kinda pissing me off again Willia-
William: You know there's actually a comic book villain called Egg-Fu. If they do a movie adaptation you should really audition.
Ainsley: OKIGETIT!
William: Oh...Woops. Bald spot- I mean soft spot!....err...whatever.
Ainsley and William sat awkwardly as the taxi driver came over. A suprisingly small taxi driver. William saw his oppurtunity to make a life changing joke and took it.
William: Hey man how tall are you? 2 fucking inches?
William and Ainsley busted out laughing in the alley way, unable to cope with the comedic diamond that William had just thought of on the spot.
William: Bahaahhaha!
Ainsley: Pffft hahaha baaaaaaahhaha!
The taxi driver, who happened to be sensitive about his height, showed them the middle finger and drove off.
William: Hahahahaha Hey, hehe, come back.
Ainsley: Ha- wait come back man!
William: GET BACK HERE YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!
Ainsley: Ah dangit.
William: This is what I'm talking about Ainsley! All these fricking sensitive...
William rambled on for another 20 minutes about things, some to do with the situation, some to do with WCF, some that had no relevance to the situation at all. After about an hour another taxi arrived and Ainsley hopped in. William continued his rant for another 5 minutes before realising he was completely alone. Ranting to no one. Sources say he blamed Oblivion for the entire thing. There's no concrete evidence and Oblivion was nowhere near William at the time but yeah he probably did blame Oblivion.