Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2017 15:27:24 GMT -5
He’s On a Roll!
Fresh After A True Rump Thumping!
Whats Next?
Lets Find Out!
“BEHOLD THE BASTARD!” On WCF Network Starts Now!
Charles: Hey Mag! I got the last of the Lava Soap at the store..
Adrian: BRILLIANT! Throw me a bar my good man! Hopefully this extreme exfoliation can cleanse me of the filth and decay that was transferred to my Magnificent skin from that Miscreant Captain Rump!
(Charles shakes his head, but tosses a bar over the shower curtain. Adrian is heard “cleansing”)
Adrian: YES! IT HURTS SO GOOD! Charles...after I’m done have the cleaning service come up here..The shower looks like a crime scene! Had to scrub the pure essence of garbage off of me! Ah..Okay, it took five bars, but I think I’m good…
(The shower turns off, and Archer grabs a towel from behind the curtain. He opens up the round shower enclosure to reveal..Someone different? Charles walks in as Adrian wraps his towel around his waist)
Charles: Wha..wha…
Adrian: What?
Charles: Man, who the hell are you?!?!
(Adrian tilts his head to one side, completely oblivious to the fact that his appearance has changed. )
Adrian: ARE YOU DAFT? DO YOU NOT RECOGNIZE ME?
(All of a sudden, Adrian looks down and realizes..His appearance has changed..He goes to the mirror..His good looks have become even more rugged..His cocky smirk is even more sexy..He’s liking this look..But..)
Adrian: Charles, how in the hell can this happen?
Charles: (Holding a bat) I don’t know Mag..if thats who you are..Wheres Adrian??!?!
Adrian: I’m here you ninny!
Charles: Prove you are Adrian!
Adrian: (Sigh) Your mothers name is Myrtle and your nickname is Chuckie Bear.
(Charles lowers the bat..Instantly at ease)
Charles: Well, its a good thing you are headed to the doctor today for your followup..Maybe you can ask him why you look so damned different all the time..
Adrian: COME! TO THE MAGNIFICENT MOBILE!
Charles: Uh..Clothes...WOAH THAT GREW TOO!
(Adrian chuckles uncomfortably realizing he dropped his towel with his proclamation.)
Adrian: Behold The Tripod!
(Charles leaves promptly, scene fades to black)
Scene: Outside a small doctors office on Wilshire Blvd. in Santa Monica.
(The Purple Plymouth Prowler is seen parked in a handicap space. Cut to scene inside the doctors office. Adrian walks in..)
(The Purple Plymouth Prowler is seen parked in a handicap space. Cut to scene inside the doctors office. Adrian walks in..)
Dr.: I’m sorry sir you must have the wrong room..I am waiting for Adrian Archer.
Adrian: Tis me Dr. Pinderschloss!
Dr.: But you..you’ve grown...your hair..is..
Adrian: DARKER! I know right! Now..what the hell is going on? This is the third time in a year my appearance has completely changed!
(The doctor rubs his long grey beard..He is a man of around 70, with numerous plaques and certificates lining his walls, from numerous schools of medicine. After some pacing, he snaps his fingers. His face brightens. Adrian looks at him quizzically..)
Dr.: METAMORHAMAGUSITIS!
Adrian: Bless you Dr..
Dr: NO! I did not sneeze! That is the name of an extremely rare condition I studied when I was in school! Basically Adrian, we know your mental state has not been..shall we say..the most stable..Well, the human brain usually only operates at 10 percent capacity. That means most of the brain remains dormant! In my studies, I wanted to know what could possibly happen if just a fraction of that 90 percent was ever tapped into. What would possibly happen? Well, in one or two cases, we were able to, through various methods, unlock areas of the brain that had not functioned previously..And the results were amazing!
Adrian: So woah woah wait a minute...What does my brain have to do with my constantly changing appearance?
Dr: Well Adrian, you’ve sustained several head injuries over the years and basically been battered around for quite some time! Most people, this kind of trauma damages the brain..But there are a few..Namely one before you, that I studied, that it actually jostles loose more brain activity! One of those activities is for the brain to release what I call the Chameleon Protein, an amazing protein component in the body that, when released, can drastically alter your appearance! THIS IS AMAZING! A TRUE SCIENTIFIC BREAKTHROUGH!
Adrian: Okay so Doc...I actually like this new look of mine..How can I stop it?
Dr: By limiting your brain activity..In other words, I’m going to write you a scrip for some Sertraline that should limit the activity and bring your brain back to Stasis. Over time, your body will adjust. In the meantime Mr. Archer, I would reccomend you change your drivers license, passport, etc. To avoid any complications.
(Adrian still found it hard to wrap his mind around all of this. He felt like Dr. Jeckyll learning Hydes origins, but imagine Jeckyll did not make the formula to change himself, rather, his body did it on its own. Imagine the confusion. In any case, this was Adrians new reality. His doctor performed a routine physical on Adrian, whom had also appeared to look a little younger. His vitals and overall health were excellent, and a cat scan revealed that, though his brain had undergone quite a bit of activity, the patterns within his Amygdala and Cerebral Cortex were returning to normal. For better or worse, this was Adrians new reality. We join the scene with sound again as the doctor and Archer have their final discussion of the appointment)
Dr.: Adrian, for the sake of your privacy, I will not unveil my findings. I would say just act natural, get your affairs in order and, hopefully, as the medication takes hold on your brain, you will be able to keep this appearance. However, it does set up a very interesting set of opportunities..
Adrian: Indeed Doctor! But the way I look and feel now..I sure hope I do not change again! This incarnation suits me to the hilt!
Dr: Good luck Adrian! Until we meet again!
Adrian: Of course, and thank you Doctor!
(The two shake hands as the scene fades to black.)
Scene: Adrian’s apartment, located in downtown Los Angeles
(Charles and Adrian sit in the lavish living room of The Magnificent Bastard. Both men are enjoying coffee on this rainy Los Angeles day. We join them in conversation about the upcoming Slam card and Adrian’s opponent, Vinnie Jones)
Charles: ...So you’ve gotten all your stuff changed?
Adrian: Yep! Drivers License, Passport..The merch guys at WCF were pissed, but I explained to them it was medical, they seemed to calm down. They aren’t gonna print any more merch with my face on it though! HA!
Charles: I wouldn’t either..Hey, speaking of, you see the Slam card?
Adrian: YES! And I could not be happier! Its amazing..I challenge those insolent pieces of garbage directly and what happens? They send me their latest and greatest FLUNKIE VINNIE JONES! Now don’t get me wrong, my man. I’ve seen his work and it is impressive. Why this Bi Polar mess of a machine has been recruited by Zero Tolerance is clear. You see, Zero Tolerance are a gang of manipulative hustlers at their core. Street Smart and savvy, they prey on the weak. I came to find this out when I was in their employ. When they realized that they could not control me is when they decided to let me go! I was the best thing to happen to Zero Tolerance! My greatness gave them legitimacy! However, they could not even stand the idea of someone as purely Magnificent as myself taking the spotlight off of their pathetic little activities!
But I digress…
Vinnie Jones is a self described sufferer of Bi Polar disorder. Apparently the same disorder a man by the name of Festus who wrestled in a sub par promotion in New England suffered from..Basically when the bell rang this mild mannered invalid became a killing machine. Now with Vinnie, its different. He is an accomplished technical wrestler but when he snaps he becomes brutal. How convenient. Doesn’t that describe like..EVERYBODY? I’m calling shennanigans on this rapscallion! For is it not common in human nature, my dear Charles, that when someone loses their cool, a little bit of their mind goes along with it? This Vinnie Jones fellow needs to learn the true nature of mental illness, and not just use it to prop up his wrestling persona. He, like his compatriots in Zero Tolerance, are misinformed, ill suited charlatans who don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground!
Vinnie Jones may not know this, but I am a sufferer of several conditions! When it comes to disorders, I’ve been there, done that, and bought the T-Shirt! I’ve been through and seen things he could only ever hope to imagine. But despite numerous appearance changes, mood swings, and the like, I still continue to thrive! Part of managing illness is being able to control it! Being able to fight through the demons before they absorb you. It appears that if Vinnie Jones does have some sort of mental illness, then he is pisspoor at keeping it at bay. THIS, My dear Charles, is how I plan to take advantage of Mr. Jones!
When he reaches his boiling point, when he completely loses his cool, I, the ever cunning and ever amazing Magnificent Bastard, will strike! I will duck every wildly thrown rage filled punch..Strafe cleanly from every blindly thrust weapons attack..And when he is groggy, when he is so filled with blind hatred and rage that he cannot see straight, that is when my technical superiority and crafty excellence WILL TAKE FORM..And when he feels my grasp around him, like an anacondas slithering slow strangling tranquility, before he knows it, the Beholder will be locked in and from the snap of rage will be the snap of pain, a thundercrack assault on all joints. And when Vinnie Reaches his senses, and taps out..He will have no other choice..But to..BEHOLD THE BASTARD!
Mark my words Charles...Vinnie Jones is a palatable appetizer..But I will make a meal of and consume Zero Tolerance..Mark..My..Words…
(Fade to black focused on Archers newly chisled face..)
Scene: Bahooka Lounge Los Angeles
(On this particular Wednesday, Adrian approaches the stage in a glittery blue tuxedo, and a ruffled shirt. The crowd roars with approval as he grabs the microphone.)
Adrian: Thank you thank you..And now a little ditty about Vinnie Jones..In the style of Tom Jones..WATCH OUT NOW!
“Its Zero Tolerance”
To the tune of “Its not unusual” (Of course, Adrian starts to do the “Carlton” when the music hits, smiling the whole time..)
Its Zero Tolerance
And their Boy Vinnie Jones
Its Zero Tolerance
Who makes the audience groan.
Because when they come out
With their little makeup on
Its Zero Tolerance
Whos gonna cry
Oh..they gonna die..
Its Zero Tolerance
And their boy Vinnie J
A guy who gets their beer
And sandwiches every day
Vinnie Jones the flunky
An idiot Junkie
No matter what you say
If Vinnie Jones aint gay
He wont be around long anywayyy
Woah woah woah woaahhhhhh
Its Zero Tolerance
My opponent Vinnie Jones
Make him shit himself
So bad Like hes has Crohns
Because when I lock
The Beholder on his Bones
Zero tolerance will be down to three..
And they sit to pee
Their vaginas allow no other wayyyyy
Woah woah woah!
(Music cuts..close up of Archers face)
Adrian: Vinnie..If your listening...I’ll make you be a better part of Zero Tolerance..After Slam..you’ll be a loser too…
(FTB on Adrians Magnificent Smirk. )