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Post by Cliff of Doom on Aug 29, 2016 17:35:54 GMT -5
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Post by Chief Tom-O-Hawk on Aug 31, 2016 14:23:57 GMT -5
Great job with the backstory leading to WCF. Nicely outlined to be easy to read. It's missing the little things to make it stand out, those one line things that people remember or the detail that makes a deep connection. The dialogue with Tina seemed 'acted' and not emotional, just to name an example. People are emotional over things like this. The whole of it seemed like a monotonous voice. No flair or emotion.
Excellent writing technique, but where's the emotion? Help us to connect.
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Post by Gemini Battle on Aug 31, 2016 15:09:29 GMT -5
That 'Anthony' character seemed really cool and handsome.
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Post by Cliff of Doom on Aug 31, 2016 15:13:00 GMT -5
Great job with the backstory leading to WCF. Nicely outlined to be easy to read. It's missing the little things to make it stand out, those one line things that people remember or the detail that makes a deep connection. The dialogue with Tina seemed 'acted' and not emotional, just to name an example. People are emotional over things like this. The whole of it seemed like a monotonous voice. No flair or emotion. Excellent writing technique, but where's the emotion? Help us to connect. Thank you.
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