Keep Calm and Ride On

[Thomas Uriel Bates]

Scene I “Anytime”
Global Strongman Gym – Brooklyn, New York

A Michelin tractor tire weighs seven hundred pounds, about the same as a Grizzly Bear. Each flip of the massive tire causes a loud thud, and any surrounding items to shake. We find WCF’s Strongest Man flipping the tire with relative ease. Each flip of the tire seems to drive his focus even more. When he reaches the end of the room, he flips the tire one last time and brings it to an end. The Mountain of WCF stands tall while staring at the tire as if it was an upcoming opponent, as if it was Zombie McMorris or Kevin Bishop.

His menacing stare is interrupted by footsteps. Leather boots meeting concrete, it was clear enough as to who it could be, that Thomas Uriel Bates allowed a smile to cross his face. He looks up, and finds two longtime friends, brothers, standing before him.

Thomas Uriel Bates: Connor, Charlie, it’s good to see you!

He greets the two men with a hug, patting both men on their back, right above their Dark Riders Gang MC: Nomad patch.

Thomas Uriel Bates: Thanks for coming out last week, it was very helpful.

Charles “Charlie” Anderson: Not a problem brother.

Thomas Uriel Bates: Does this mean y’all are coming back?

Konstantin “Connor” Noskov simply shakes his head, allowing Charlie to respond.

Charles “Charlie” Anderson: No, we’re just up north to help your uncle with a few things.

Bates wipes his brow with a towel and sits down on a nearby bench.

Thomas Uriel Bates: A few things?

Charles “Charlie” Anderson: He’s closing his holdings up here.

Thomas Uriel Bates: Closing?

Charles “Charlie” Anderson: It’s been a long time coming. He tried to convince the State legislators up her to actually follow the law, but he’s been unsuccessful. As a result, he finally closed his manufacturing plants up here. He’s moving them to Tennessee and Mississippi.

Thomas Uriel Bates: Ah. Well, how about when you’re done there? Care for a return to the ring?

Connor simply shakes his head as Charlie laughs a little.

Charles “Charlie “Anderson: Nah, you remember our last run? We sucked brother. We were little better than Adam Young and his goons.

Thomas Uriel Bates: Well, maybe after some intense training.

Charles “Charlie” Anderson: Sure brother. I’m not giving up the cheeseburgers, and I don’t think Connor’s going to give up those hot wings.

Thomas Uriel Bates: Alright. I think the fight with Seth is dying down though, so your help was well timed. Logan’s gone, Dagvald Riddik hasn’t been heard from since last Slam, the Game is injured but even if he wasn’t, he wasn’t going to stick around with The Family.

Charles “Charlie” Anderson: And Seth?

Thomas Uriel Bates: Locked up in his office drinking his life away, as usual. There’s still work to be done, but right now I think all he can do is try to book insane matches, and I’m fine with that.

Charles “Charlie” Anderson: Yea, doesn’t he have you facing Kevin?

Thomas Uriel Bates: Yea, but no worries. You know I’ll wrestle with friends too. This is a competition sport anyway.

Charles “Charlie” Anderson: Yea. Well hey, we’ve got to go. We just wanted to stop by and say “hi”.

Connor waves in the background as Bates stands up and shakes both of their hands.

Thomas Uriel Bates: It was great seeing y’all again. Swing by anytime.

Charlie and Connor simply nod as they walk towards the exit of the gym. Bates turns back around and eyes the Atlas Stones. Another smile crosses the WCF’s Strongest Man’s face.

Scene II “Walking Dead”
Fortress of Solitude Comic Book Store – Newark, New Jersey

Bright, colorful, dark, cramped, full of toys, comics, and people. The Fortress of Solitude comic book store in Newark, New Jersey was packed. Though many were there strictly for the comic books or collectables, many were also there to see a real life comic book-like character; Thomas Uriel Bates.

The Mountain of WCF held in his hand an open copy of a Walking Dead comic. On the panels, we see Carl and Rick killing countless zombies. In Bates’ eyes, we see him catching the hidden cameras of some fans. The big man smiles, and turns to face them.

Thomas Uriel Bates: I have to say, I like these comic books. I’m a big fan of The Walking Dead. When I’m backstage during the shows you can catch me watching the episode either live, or taped due to match times. I love it. What’s so interesting to me though, is that I have the opportunity to work with one of the stars of The Walking Dead!

No, it’s not Norman Reedus, or Andrew Lincoln. Instead, I get to work with one of the extras; Zombie McMorris. Sure he’s not a main star, and sure he will never amount to anything other than a WCF wrestler, but I still get to work with him. Especially this week, I have a match against him.

Zombie McMorris was not turned into one of the Walking Dead by some curse, or by being dead, no matter what he might tell you. He joined the hordes of the Dead by simple drug use. He is the Coked Up Madman, and his fried brain is more than enough evidence to prove it. When he talks, you can’t really understand him either. He’s so high that he thinks he’s making since, but he’s not. He gets a lot of “pop” from the fans not because he’s smart, not because he’s good, but because he’s simply entertaining. It’s entertaining to see him fail, and it’s entertaining to see him squeak by week after week with that Internet Championship he has.

But yes, now he’s a tag team partner with one of my DRG brothers, Mikey eXtreme. That’s fine, Mikey can choose whatever friends he wants to have, even if all his new friend does is puzzle the mind as to how someone so strung up can even function enough to walk, much less wrestle. But anyway, that’s Mikey’s choice, and he’s entitled to it.

McMorris on the other hand, will face off against me once more in that ring. Along with Jay Omega, he was one of the people I faced in just my second match in the WCF. Now Jay Omega won that match, but to hear Zombie tell it, he walked away with the Hardcore Championship that night.

In fact, I have been in that ring five times against Zombie McMorris, and even though he likes to think he’s so much better, he has never beaten me. In our first match, I took out Z-Mac with The Badge. Yes, I too was taken out almost just as soon as I took out McMorris, but it was Jay Omega who did it, not Z-Mac. In our second match, I cleaned Zombie’s clock with a boot to the face right as the match begins. He wasn’t much use then, and was powerless to stop me and by DRG brothers from ending the much hyped Imperium before it even began. Our third match, almost a year ago, I eliminated Zombie McMorris in the Ultimate Ninth Battle Royal just before Ultimate Showdown. Trios Title Match the week after, even double booked, I walked away with that belt once again while Zombie hangs his head down in another loss. At War, it was Beach Krew that eliminated me, while Zombie McMorris was already walking to the back being eliminated by my DRG brother Deuce Murdock.

So what am I saying here? Well, it’s simple. The Coked Up Madman may think he’s better, he may think he’s going to walk away with a victory, but it will be nothing but imaginary, just like everything else he thinks he’s done. He’s the Internet Champion, good for him. Keep it. He’s a Vapor King, good for him, I’m DRG. He’s Imperium, good for him, I killed them. Zombie McMorris is going into that match once more thinking he’s better, but history will repeat itself when I put my boot right in his face.

Maybe the Coked Up Madman will wake up from his dream then. I doubt it though, he is after all, a brain dead Zombie.

Bates closes up the comic book and places it back on the shelf. He makes his way through the crowd and out of the store fully confident that history will repeat itself.

Scene III “On the Air”
In your car, listening to WNYM Radio – Hackensack, New Jersey

The scene opens to… your car. You really need to clean it up by the way. It’s starting to smell a bit and… is that a half-eaten Big Mac under the passenger seat? Really? Anyway, you’re cruising down the road and for some odd reason, you flip to WNYM out of Hackensack, New Jersey. A familiar voice causes you to stop and listen as you try to place who it was.

Radio: Well folks, the Trump Train is going to run over Hillary Clinton any day now. If she is indicted, that’s going to be the end of it, but if she’s not, then Trump is going to expose Hillary and her crony Loretta Lynch as the frauds and criminals they are. Trump will win New Jersey!

Alright, this might not be the type of radio show you listen to, then again it might be. Regardless, you’re still trying to figure out who that voice is.

Radio: Enough of this, when we come back from our break we will be interviewing WCF superstar Thomas Uriel Bates. We’ll be right back!

You might flip the station for a moment, at least while the commercials play. You might decide instead to stick around though, and listen to those wonderful ads about investing your gold, or even the WCF Slam commercial that sounds more like it as a pity deal by the radio. You might be a fan of Thomas Uriel Bates and flip back. Even if you’re not a fan, that voice just bugs the hell out of you until you decide to flip right back over and figure out who it is.

Radio: Welcome back to Piscopo In the Morning! I’m your wonderful host Joe Piscopo, and I’ve got with me the WCF’s strongest man; Thomas Uriel Bates! How are you Tom?

Thomas Uriel Bates: I’m doing good. Just so long as you don’t bring that bat out!

The two men laugh, and you finally realize who it is. Joe Piscopo, from Saturday Night Live. What the hell is he doing hosting a conservative talk show? That is why you stay tuned in.

Joe Piscopo: So Tom, let me get right down to it. You have returned to the WCF, and will be at Slam this coming Sunday, but you recently ran for a political office, didn’t you?

Thomas Uriel Bates: Yes. I ran for the Senate seat in Alabama.

Joe Piscopo: How did that go for you?

Thomas Uriel Bates: Well, it didn’t. Senator Richard Shelby won the primary.

Joe Piscopo: What happened? You clearly have a bigger name than the Senator.

Thomas Uriel Bates: Yes, I do, but I made a terrible mistake in modern politics.

Joe Piscopo: What was that?

Thomas Uriel Bates: I spoke out against their Lord and Savior, Donald J. Trump.

Joe Piscopo: Hey, wait a moment, you’re not a Trump guy?

Thomas Uriel Bates: Not in the least.

Joe Piscopo: Don’t you want a wall to stop illegal immigration?

Thomas Uriel Bates: Of course.

Joe Piscopo: Don’t you support the Second Amendment?

Thomas Uriel Bates: Wholeheartedly.

Joe Piscopo: What about stopping Terrorists?

Thomas Uriel Bates: Absolutely.

Joe Piscopo: Then what is your problem with Trump?

Thomas Uriel Bates: He’s a fraud. He’s claiming he’s against illegal immigration, but he hired illegal immigrants. He claims he’s for the Second Amendment, but he’s for banning so-called “assault rifles”, he says he wants to stop terrorist, but he’s okay with denying Americans the right to protect themselves. He’s simply saying the things he knows most Americans want to hear, and they’re falling for it. Never mind that he has advocated violating the Constitution at nearly every turn. Donald J. Trump is just another Obama. Both men have no regard for the Constitution. The only reason he’s winning is because people are mad, and they’re not even checking the facts anymore.

Joe Piscopo: I, I don’t see how you see that. Let’s move on.

Thomas Uriel Bates: Lets.

Joe Piscopo: You’re in our neck of the woods for an upcoming episode of WCF Slam, right?

Thomas Uriel Bates: Yes, our first Slam outside of Pennsylvania for some time now.

Joe Piscopo: So you’re back on the road?

Thomas Uriel Bates: I hope so.

Joe Piscopo: Who are you facing this week?

Thomas Uriel Bates: Well, I’m teaming up with Teddy Blaze and we’re going up against Zombie McMorris and “The Plague” Kevin Bishop.

Joe Piscopo: Zombie? As in flesh eating “Walking Dead” zombie?

Thomas Uriel Bates: As in brain dead, yes. But it’s more for all the coke the man snorts. He is well known for his addiction.

Joe Piscopo: Wait, he’s a coke head? What about a Wellness Policy?

Thomas Uriel Bates: The WCF doesn’t have one. Seth Lerch himself, the guy who owns the WCF, would fail a Wellness Test. Of course he’s not going to have one in place.

Joe Piscopo: So you’re going up against a coked up nutcase.

Thomas Uriel Bates: Coked Up Madman he likes to be called.

Joe Piscopo: C.U.M.?

Thomas Uriel Bates: I guess he likes it.

Joe Piscopo: What about this Plague guy, what is he, a meth head?

Thomas Uriel Bates: No, he’s actually a pretty decent guy from what I’ve seen so far. Has a few demons to work out, but who doesn’t?

Joe Piscopo: So wait, you don’t have a problem with him, but you’re in a match with him?

Thomas Uriel Bates: I do. That’s the wrestling world for you. It’s a competition sport, of course friends and allies will eventually face each other. Seth may think he’s going to drive some wedge between our newfound alliance, but it’s not going to happen. I fully understand the competition, and I am sure that Kevin Bishop does as well.

Joe Piscopo: But you’re going to tear Zombie McMorris apart limb by limb?

Thomas Uriel Bates: Maybe. I actually don’t have a current problem with him right now, aside from the fact that he’s an ass. He’s arrogant, he’s smug, he thinks he’s the greatest thing on the face of the planet, but let’s be honest here, he’s no Odin Balfore, he’s no Bobbie Cairo, he’s not even Torture.

Joe Piscopo: I have no idea who any of those people are.

Thomas Uriel Bates: Legends in the WCF, even though one of them is more of a legendary failure lately.

Joe Piscopo: Well it looks like we’ve got to cut to another commercial break. When we come back, we’ll try to figure out just what Tom here means about Donald Trump.

You’re not going to sit through the commercials just for the political views of a professional wrestler, are you? If you are, thanks. If you’re not, well… bye.

Scene IV “The Eighth of May”
Mountain Rest – West Milford, New Jersey

The Eighth of May, in the year of our Lord Two Thousand and Sixteen. A day that will live on in the hearts and minds of the current WCF roster for the rest their lives, much less their careers. This is the day that Seth Lerch chose The Family over the WCF and closed the doors seemingly for good.

Everyone dealt with the news in their own way. Some went to other wrestling promotions, some simply retired. Some begged to reopen the doors, others opened lawsuits, some even busted down doors. No matter how they dealt with the closing, the entire WCF Galaxy was effected.

Teo Del Sol was no exception. The fan favorite, the People’s Champion, perhaps even the WCF’s brightest star, was shaken to the core. He has cast aside his persona, he has become more aggressive, he has become a recluse, he has become;

Teddy Blaze.

Like Bates, Teddy was angered by the close, and blamed certain elements within the WCF. Where Bates placed the blame squarely on the shoulders of Seth Lerch and his family, Teddy Blaze placed the blame on those he perceives as weak.

Now they must join forces.

Seth Lerch in his last ditch effort to strike back against Bates and the WCF locker room, has put the giant in the ring with both Zombie McMorris and “The Plague” Kevin Bishop. Bishop having recently joined Bates’ effort to regain the WCF, Seth Lerch seems to hope that this match will drive a wedge between them.

It won’t work.

Thomas Uriel Bates knows the game, he knows that wrestling is a competitive sport, and he knows that sooner or later he will be in that ring against friends just as often as foes. Though he was certain it was Seth’s attempt to strike back, Bates was certain that this was a sign that things would get better.

So for now, Thomas Uriel Bates is able to put his feud against the Boss on hold, and focus on the match. To do that he must find his tag team partner, Teddy Blaze.

The recluse.

So where is he? He took the Eighth of May hard, so where else could he be? Bates had plenty of time to consider Blaze’s location as he rode down the streets of New Jersey in his new Harley Davidson Heritage Soft Tail.

If Bates was down, he might head to a gym, but Teddy Blaze is not Thomas Uriel Bates. Most men when they’re down go to one of two places; the bed of a woman who can make his mind forget, or a bar in the hopes that the liquid can drown away the memories and sadness.

Bates was not going to bust down the doors of every woman in New Jersey, professional or not. Instead, he goes bar to bar. Though he turns up empty everywhere he goes, he remains determined to find his partner. If they had any chance to win against Zombie McMorris and Kevin Bishop, they must begin to work together.

Not that Zombie McMorris would work with Kevin Bishop, but Bates knew the value of training. Otherwise, he would not be out going bar to bar just to look for someone.

The Mountain Rest.

Suitable name, considering Bates’ alias as the “Mountain of WCF”, named in part to his size and strength as well as his uncanny resemblance to Hafthor Julius Bjornsson who plays “The Mountain” on HBO’s Game of Thrones.

It is here that he stops his bike, removes his helmet, and dismounts. He walks towards the door and steps in to the crowded bar. In the darkness, surrounded by other lost souls, he sees it.

The bright red round glasses in the shadows.

Teddy Blaze.

Scene IV “Brotherhood”
Somewhere – Presumably in or near Newark, New Jersey

Somewhere dark we find ourselves, through the lens of the WCF camera. A boiler room perhaps? Maybe a basement, or perhaps an abandoned building? Typical dark scary place usually reserved to the WCF’s darkest characters.

Today reserved for Thomas Uriel Bates.

The WCF’s strongest man walks into the scene, keeping his eyes down to the camera.

Thomas Uriel Bates: “The Plague” Kevin Bishop. Before I begin with this obvious promotional video, I want to extend my thanks for our assistance last Slam against the mercenaries of Seth Lerch. Because of you, standing side by side with the DRG, we were able to shut down one of the biggest threats in Seth Lerch’s arsenal. I am much obliged, and am proud to have you as an ally in our fight to ensure that there will be a tomorrow for the WCF.

We now find ourselves on opposite sides of the ring however, facing each other in a tag team match at Slam. Seth Lerch hopes this will drive a wedge in our alliance, but my friend, I hold no ill thoughts of you. We are professional wrestlers, and as such we must occasionally find ourselves on the opposite sides of the ring.

I applaud you in standing against Seth Lech, and hope that many others will soon follow your lead. I commend you for your bravery, and I will extend my hand in friendship when we face each other this Sunday.

I will not go easy on you my friend. This is a competition sport, and is full contact as well. It is nearly time to move on to other goals, such as Championship gold, and to do that I must give my absolute best in every match I take part in.

This means I may hurt you. Know that this is not out of anger, nor is it out of hatred. Every painful blow you receive will be out of love of the game we find ourselves in. We both must give our all, and we must not hold back.

At the conclusion of our match my friend, you will find your favorite alcoholic beverage in your locker room. Just send me a message and let me know what it is, and I will make sure it is there. We will finish our match, and we’ll have a drink in the back to celebrate not a victory, but a hard fought contest that I am certain we will have.

Now, Kevin, I know you’re not joining my Club. I know that the DRG is just not where you want to be right now. You’ve got your brothers, and I’ve gone mine. We are simply aligning ourselves together to face off against Seth Lerch. While we are allies, Kevin, I will treat you as a friend. That is what we will do today, that is what we will do tomorrow, and that is what we will do for our match.

You will be teaming up with Zombie McMorris. Be careful of him my friend. He is not one to be trusted. He may be your tag team partner, but make no mistake that the only thing he cares about is himself. He believes he is the best thing out there, the greatest the WCF has to offer, and he will do whatever he can to prove the case.

Including throwing you under the bus. If he thinks that the match is going poorly, he will do whatever he can to make sure that it’s you that takes the fall. If it is doing well, he will do everything he can to make sure he gets the credit. He’ll take the credit anyway, but if he can make the pin then it’s even better.

You’re teamed up with a madman. WCF’s resident coke addict. When you go to tag him in, you’re not going to know for sure if he will even be there. For all you know, he could simply be spacing out on that turnbuckle believing it to be some beautiful woman.

I feel for you my friend. You were dealt a bad hand. I’ll keep that beer, or whatever you want, cold for you in the back. We’ll drink to our competitiveness, and to our future. I thank you again for helping me make sure the WCF has one.

Bates simply smiles and steps back, out of the WCF camera’s view.

Scene V “Keep Calm and Ride On”
Mountain Rest – West Milford, New Jersey

What the hell was that?

Bates had been in a few scraps in his life, more than a few bar fights, but this was strange. Fists start flying, tables start flying, chairs, beer bottles, and then Teddy Blaze. Calm in the face of chaos, menacingly calm.

Like the center of the hurricane.

Bates had never seen such calmness in a bar fight, and Bates was a relatively calm fighter in these cases. Teddy Blaze on the other hand, was terrifying. The skill he showed in taking out each fighter was unique, and a reassuring sign that Thomas Uriel Bates had the right partner for his match against Kevin Bishop and Zombie McMorris.

Of course Teddy Blaze didn’t walk out without a scratch. In fact, Teddy Blaze didn’t walk out. A lucky shot, a flying table, whatever it was that took out Teddy Blaze was a mystery as Bates himself had his hands full.

Others threw chairs, Bates threw bodies. They worked together as a team, and fought off the entire bar. Bates was surprised when he turned to look at Teddy Blaze lying unconscious on the floor. But never mind, the fight was over.

They won.

Their first scrap together, and Thomas Uriel Bates and Teddy Blaze won. No time for victory though, the people they fought did not like to lose, and neither did their friends. Bates had to get them out. He picked up Blaze’s body and walked right out the door.

He brought his bike.

The two of them were not going to fit, at least not comfortably. Bates looked around and saw another motorcycle complete with a sidecar. He didn’t want to do it, but there was no choice. He tossed Teddy Blaze in the sidecar and mounted the bike.

No keys.

Bates dismounted and walked into the bar by himself, returning a few moments later with a piece of glass lodged just above his eyebrow. He pulls out the glass as he mounts the bike again, and produces a key.

It turns.

Bates pulls out his cell phone and makes a call quickly.

Thomas Uriel Bates: Hey, come over to Mountain Rest and pick up my bike. Quickly.

He hangs up, and quickly speeds off.

With Teddy Blaze laying back in the sidecar.