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Post by dropkickgregory on Jun 14, 2016 21:11:03 GMT -5
hey guys need some feedback on my latest please it's a bit more angry than usual sorry bout that lol
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Post by Kevin Bishop on Jun 15, 2016 7:27:35 GMT -5
I may not be a seasoned voice here in WCF to be giving any kind of feedback but I'll just throw out some things that pop out as a reader I suppose. You were right when you said it's a bit more angry than usual lol but some reason the shoot to me feels like I'm watching Jay from Jay and Silent Bob Strikes back, like the part where he's yelling into the camera about being the C.L.I.T. commander... Not sure why, maybe it was the anger and the fucks being thrown around, but that's the vibe I got. I also felt I wanted more from your character and maybe something else in his life other than the obvious shoot. I'm sensing with that much anger, there'd be something else bringing forth the rage besides being jumped by Severan King... Just an idea, what if you have a bad taste in your mouth due to religion or something, so that fuels the fire of your hatred toward us crazy fanatics? I don't know, like I said, I'm no veteran here, I'm just a guy who likes to read and write and loves wrestling... Character stories make it that much more for me to be invested in the matches that take place I guess. Take it or leave it, I just noticed no one else said anything so I jumped in.
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Post by dropkickgregory on Jun 15, 2016 22:20:52 GMT -5
Jay and silent bob reference made this the best feedback I will ever get thank you much
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2016 6:04:59 GMT -5
for all the short rpers that i've seen, the ones who just well do what you do, short rps because why not? its pretty good for a short rp. not the best at breaking an rp down, so thats the best yer getting
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Post by excalibur on Jun 16, 2016 6:28:57 GMT -5
Okay, I'm not a top guy here in WCF, but I noticed a few things while reading your roleplay:
- First of all, it's hard to read. Meaning, sometimes its hard to tell if its the narrator or Greg St Matthews talking. I would suggest using colours for when Greg is talking and, for when the narrator is talking, make it italic.
- I like the way how you make short rps nice. I can read it in 2-3 minutes and get fully immersed in your character.
- As Kevin Bishop has already said, try working on stories for your characters background. Lifechanging events? Anything like that would be great. I haven't posted any of these on WCF myself, but you should expect me to post a few for Blast.
Overall, I enjoyed your rp and I am looking forward to see you stay here in WCF
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Post by Severan King on Jun 16, 2016 13:45:45 GMT -5
I would suggest formatting a little more to make it slightly easier to read. Look at how a lot of guys on here do that.
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Post by dropkickgregory on Jun 16, 2016 15:24:52 GMT -5
if I had taken time to punctuate it would be a whole lot easier but I had to post via mobile and it was a little difficult to write that much and worry about punctuation lol
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