This Is a Test
May 22, 2016 14:03:53 GMT -5
Stuart Slane, 'The Shine' Brent Alpine, and 1 more like this
Post by Steve Orbit on May 22, 2016 14:03:53 GMT -5
THIS IS A TEST
Fade in to Steve Orbit's home in the Oakland Hills. It's a typical sunny California day and Orbit is out in the back yard by the pool, layed up on a lounge chair. The Mack is wearing nothing but a tiger stripe speedo. His head is rested in the thick lap of a young Dominican girl who is feeding him grapes. Two other girls, one black and one Asian, massage his limbs. There's a gigantic fruity cocktail nearby, as well as a big bag of weed. There is no sound, complete silence...
Until the rumble of a sports car engine is heard pulling into the driveway. Orbit curses to himself under his breath. One of the girls stands and motions towards the house. Orbit nods, silently instructing her to go and see who's there. Orbit sighs because he was hoping to continue doing nothing today.
Moments later, the bitch returns with Orbit's half-brother... Jonny Fly. Fly is wearing his usual flashy white guy stuff, shades, a sports coat, you know. He takes a seat at the patio table a few yards away from Orbit. Orbit remains silent.
Jonny Fly: What's up?
Orbit grumbles.
Jonny Fly: This is how you greet your brother?
More grumbles.
Jonny Fly: Can't even offer me a drink?
Orbit shoves one of the girls off of him and motions towards the outdoor bar. She goes and begins to fix a drink for Fly.
Jonny Fly: Sooooo. Seth finally lost it, huh?
Orbit sighs once more, before sitting up in the chair and looking towards Fly.
Steve Orbit: Ay man, it ain't hurt my feelings. Now I can retire guilt-free, fuck it.
Fly nods, as the girl brings him his drink. He stirs the drink and takes a sip.
Jonny Fly: You really think this is the end? Was your contract in that pile?
Steve Orbit: Man, you know I ain't got no fuckin' contract with Seth. I don't operate on contracts, you know that-- cash money.
Jonny Fly: ... You never signed a contract with WCF?
Steve Orbit: Yeah, sure-- I mean, back in 2012 I signed that bullshit 18-month developmental contract that everybody has to sign to get in the door. I ain't signed nothin' since.
Fly looks confused.
Jonny Fly: ... Really?!
Steve Orbit: Fo' real. Me and Seth came to an agreement, it is what it is.
Jonny Fly: Bro, you trust Seth that much?! The guy has the business acumen of a squirrel. With no contract-- he doesn't even have to pay you! You understand that a contract is in place to protect YOU as well as the company, right?
Orbit chuckles.
Steve Orbit: Jonny. Look, I appreciate your concern, I do. But you are underestimating your own brother right now. I have an agreement with Seth, it's a good agreement. Mutually beneficial, nah mean? Don't worry about it-- I'm taken care of. Even with all this bullshit and Seth buggin' the fuck out, I'm good. Trust me, I'm good.
Fly shrugs.
Jonny Fly: OK, if you say so. You really think this is it, though?
Steve Orbit: What?
Jonny Fly: You know, the rumors... WCF shutting down for good.
Steve Orbit: Alls I know is me and Polar and Purse was about to win Trios. In the middle of Slam, some agents came and told us to go home. They wouldn't tell us nothing and I ain't heard shit since.
Jonny Fly: Doesn't look good then.
Steve Orbit: Says who? I'm HOME, bruh. I got liquor, I got weed, I got beautiful women-- I got a bank account that keeps growin' whether I'm workin' or not. Why the FUCK would I wanna go back and bump around in the ring?
Fly sips his drink and pauses for a moment. He's about to speak, when Orbit's cellphone rings.
Steve Orbit: Speak of the mother fuckin' devil.
Orbit answers the call.
Steve Orbit: Yeah? ... What?! ... This Sunday?
Orbit sighs and rubs the back of his head.
Steve Orbit: ... Aight. Yeah, I'll do it. Yeah. ... I'll be there. But you better tell fuckin' Seth--
Orbit looks at the phone.
Steve Orbit: Mother fucker hung up on me!
Jonny Fly: Who was it?
Steve Orbit: Front office. They're running Slam this week in Reading, Santander Arena.
Fly laughs.
Jonny Fly: And you're going?
Steve Orbit: ... Yeah.
Fly laughs harder. He mocks Orbit--
Jonny Fly: "Why would I wanna go bump in a ring, I got bitches and money and blah blah"
Steve Orbit: Yeah yeah, you got jokes. Hold up, I'ma check out the website.
Orbit pulls the WCF website up on his phone.
Steve Orbit: Damn. Looks like Seth is doing a whole reset on everything. Half the roster is gone, guess he was serious about those fuckin' contracts.
Jonny Fly: Shit, honestly-- this was the most pampered fuckin' locker room I've ever seen. Bunch of prima donna mother fuckers who all showed up in the last year or two. I don't blame Seth for essentially firing most of them-- WCF has been going for Fifteen years without those fucking crybabies. I say good riddance.
Steve Orbit: Fuck it. Times like this is a loyalty test. Yeah, I could retire-- but when I told all the fans, when I told all the up and coming mother fuckers that I was WCF for life and that I wasn't goin' nowhere, I meant that shit. It's gonna take more than a lil' roster shake-up to take me out this game, you can believe that. Seth don't scare me, he ain't got nothin' over my head, believe that.
Fly and Orbit both sip drinks.
Jonny Fly: Maybe it's for the best, times like these can do a lot to rejuvinate a business.
Steve Orbit: Right? And I'm lookin' at the card right now... it's like a re-boot. Seth is ditchin' some of the titles, and he's kickin' things off with a WCF Classic for the World title. That's what's up... now let's see, where am I at. Logan versus Oblivion, that should be good-- oh, Seth is the special guest ref. Guess Logan's got the week off... let's see... ohhhhh shit.
Jonny Fly: What?
Steve Orbit: Well... you'll like this. I'm not sure if I do.
Jonny Fly: What is it?
Steve Orbit: Purse. I got Purse this week, round one of the Classic.
Fly laughs and claps his hands.
Jonny Fly: Oh God, that's sweet. I hope you break his fuckin' neck.
Steve Orbit: That's fucked up.
Jonny Fly: Fuck Jeff Purse. You'll roll over that pussy-whipped OCD-having detective Monk bitch.
Orbit shrugs.
Steve Orbit: First of all, I ain't gonna trash Purse. We was just startin' to get tight again-- me, him and Polar. They're my boys, Jonny, and Purse has been lookin' like his old self again out there-- I dunno, I think he's gonna be tough to beat this week.
Jonny Fly: They're your BOYS? Getting TIGHT? Jesus, Steve, how old are you? Your own flesh and blood is sitting right here with you, right now. Where's Polar and Purse now? Probably home-- with their FAMILY. With their flesh and blood. Just like you. So don't get all fucking emotional about this, you have no loyalty to Jeff Purse OR Polar Phantasm. You wanna pal around with them in Trios, fine, whatever. But that's over with. Trios is over and it's not coming back-- not this year, maybe not ever, who knows at this rate.
Orbit is still looking at the WCF website on his phone.
Steve Orbit: I don't even see Polar's name on the roster no more.
Jonny Fly: Who cares, Steve? You gotta forget about all this comraderie shit.
Orbit considers Fly's comment.
Steve Orbit: The Classic IS a one-on-one tournament...
Jonny Fly: And the World title is on the line? Pssh. You wanna give Purse a hug before the match? Go ahead, but then you take his fucking head off.
Orbit lights a joint and puffs on it. He pauses for a few seconds, thinking.
Steve Orbit: It ain't about takin' his head off, bro. But this is the WCF Classic and I wouldn't mind puttin' my name in the record books as a Classic winner, let alone a THREE-TIME World Champion. And beyond that-- I ain't never had a one-on-one match with Purse before. I got somethin' to prove here.
Jonny Fly: Right. You have to prove that-- even though you've been on the same side with Purse more than you haven't been, and you guys might consider yourself "friends-- that your family comes first, and you will break Purse's neck to honor your brother's name.
Orbit hits the joint and laughs.
Steve Orbit: That's not exactly what I meant, bro.
Jonny Fly: Come on, Steve. Don't kid yourself, Jeff Purse is the most overrated wrestler in history. He's the only guy I can think of who had literally ONE GOOD NIGHT in his career and people have been kissing his ass ever since and talking about him like he's a legend. Yeah, he won War-- huge accomplishment, not easy to do-- I should know, I've done it. He lucked his way into the One main event that year-- he defended the belt ONCE-- AGAINST ADAM YOUNG-- before jobbing to Eric Price in the One main event. You know as well as I do that what makes a World champion great is not winning the belt, but defending it. War is the type of match where if the conditions are right, and with the right amount of luck, somebody who is completely undeserving can walk away the winner. This is what happened with Jeff Purse, and his career peaked that night. It's been downhill since-- has he even held a title belt since? ANY title belt?
Steve Orbit: I don't know. Maybe? Can't remember.
Jonny Fly: Compare that to you. Record-breaking United States title reign. Record-breaking Hardcore title reign. Two World title reigns-- one of them was half a year and you actually defended every fuckin' month like a real champion. His record and his resume is pathetic next to yours, Steve. He has that one big win-- that's it. You may not have a War win but you have everything else, you have CONSISTENCY. You've been in WCF steady kicking ass for years while Purse has been in and out, back for a month, back for a week, back for one match, but doing absolutely nothing of note.
Steve Orbit: I hear you. But I still respect the mother fucker and what he can do in the ring. You makin' it sound like this is gonna be easy.
Jonny Fly: It SHOULD be easy.
Steve Orbit: Nah, bro. I don't think so. I know you got your feelings about Jeff and that's fine... but I respect the mother fucker, and I know what he can do in the ring. I don't expect this to be easy... but I can beat Jeff Purse. And I will.
Fly slaps Orbit on the arm.
Jonny Fly: That's what I'm talking about.
Orbit passes the joint to Fly. Fly hits it and we fade out.
==
Steve Orbit versus Jeff Purse. Talk about a big fight feel. Fly might expect this to be an easy win for me, but I don't see it that way. Not at all. I expect for me and Purse to go out there and deliver the mother fuckin' match of the night. Two mother fuckers who been here in WCF through the good times and the bad times, and we still here. We still standin' through all the bullshit. And it's funny that for as long as we've both been here, we've never stood across that ring from each other in a one-on-one.
Some might call this a dream match. Some might say that Steve Orbit versus Jeff Purse is too big of a match to be given away for free on Slam, but this is 2016. Sure, Orbit/Purse could have been a huge match if built properly-- but right now, the iron is hot. WCF is heading into uncharted territory, the entire landscape is changing. The biggest prize in the company-- no, the biggest prize IN ALL OF WRESTLING, is up for grabs. There's no reason to hold back. Sure, Orbit versus Purse could be a Pay Per View main event-- a ONE MAIN EVENT, even, but that's not the way this is supposed to go down. That's not the way it's happening.
So I accept that. At the end of the day, Jeff Purse is my homie-- and he'll still be my homie, win or lose, no matter what the outcome of this match is on Sunday. I know he's gonna do whatever it takes to beat me, and he knows I'll bring the same to him. That's the competitive nature of this business. In wrestling, you don't have to be enemies to go to war. Only one man can advance in the tournament, and I'm tryin' to come out on top of this little WCF reset. So I'll do what I have to do.
And on a personal level, I feel like this is a test. Seth wants to see if I still got it, and more importantly, he wants to see if I stil got what it takes to knock one of my homies out of the tournament to secure my own spot. He wants to see if I've gone soft, as if I had a soft bone in my body. You'll see.
Purse, if I hit you with that Pimp Slap, it's not personal. If I take your outside the ring and I gotta smash your head into the ring post, or put you through the fuckin' announce table, it's not because I don't like you. It's because I know how fuckin' tough you are and I know I'm gonna have to pull out everything I got to beat you. I respect you enough to know that I might have to damn near kill you to pin you for a three count.
Just don't take it personal. Win or lose, I know we'll kick back and smoke a bone and laugh about it sometime real soon.
See you out there.
Fade in to Steve Orbit's home in the Oakland Hills. It's a typical sunny California day and Orbit is out in the back yard by the pool, layed up on a lounge chair. The Mack is wearing nothing but a tiger stripe speedo. His head is rested in the thick lap of a young Dominican girl who is feeding him grapes. Two other girls, one black and one Asian, massage his limbs. There's a gigantic fruity cocktail nearby, as well as a big bag of weed. There is no sound, complete silence...
Until the rumble of a sports car engine is heard pulling into the driveway. Orbit curses to himself under his breath. One of the girls stands and motions towards the house. Orbit nods, silently instructing her to go and see who's there. Orbit sighs because he was hoping to continue doing nothing today.
Moments later, the bitch returns with Orbit's half-brother... Jonny Fly. Fly is wearing his usual flashy white guy stuff, shades, a sports coat, you know. He takes a seat at the patio table a few yards away from Orbit. Orbit remains silent.
Jonny Fly: What's up?
Orbit grumbles.
Jonny Fly: This is how you greet your brother?
More grumbles.
Jonny Fly: Can't even offer me a drink?
Orbit shoves one of the girls off of him and motions towards the outdoor bar. She goes and begins to fix a drink for Fly.
Jonny Fly: Sooooo. Seth finally lost it, huh?
Orbit sighs once more, before sitting up in the chair and looking towards Fly.
Steve Orbit: Ay man, it ain't hurt my feelings. Now I can retire guilt-free, fuck it.
Fly nods, as the girl brings him his drink. He stirs the drink and takes a sip.
Jonny Fly: You really think this is the end? Was your contract in that pile?
Steve Orbit: Man, you know I ain't got no fuckin' contract with Seth. I don't operate on contracts, you know that-- cash money.
Jonny Fly: ... You never signed a contract with WCF?
Steve Orbit: Yeah, sure-- I mean, back in 2012 I signed that bullshit 18-month developmental contract that everybody has to sign to get in the door. I ain't signed nothin' since.
Fly looks confused.
Jonny Fly: ... Really?!
Steve Orbit: Fo' real. Me and Seth came to an agreement, it is what it is.
Jonny Fly: Bro, you trust Seth that much?! The guy has the business acumen of a squirrel. With no contract-- he doesn't even have to pay you! You understand that a contract is in place to protect YOU as well as the company, right?
Orbit chuckles.
Steve Orbit: Jonny. Look, I appreciate your concern, I do. But you are underestimating your own brother right now. I have an agreement with Seth, it's a good agreement. Mutually beneficial, nah mean? Don't worry about it-- I'm taken care of. Even with all this bullshit and Seth buggin' the fuck out, I'm good. Trust me, I'm good.
Fly shrugs.
Jonny Fly: OK, if you say so. You really think this is it, though?
Steve Orbit: What?
Jonny Fly: You know, the rumors... WCF shutting down for good.
Steve Orbit: Alls I know is me and Polar and Purse was about to win Trios. In the middle of Slam, some agents came and told us to go home. They wouldn't tell us nothing and I ain't heard shit since.
Jonny Fly: Doesn't look good then.
Steve Orbit: Says who? I'm HOME, bruh. I got liquor, I got weed, I got beautiful women-- I got a bank account that keeps growin' whether I'm workin' or not. Why the FUCK would I wanna go back and bump around in the ring?
Fly sips his drink and pauses for a moment. He's about to speak, when Orbit's cellphone rings.
Steve Orbit: Speak of the mother fuckin' devil.
Orbit answers the call.
Steve Orbit: Yeah? ... What?! ... This Sunday?
Orbit sighs and rubs the back of his head.
Steve Orbit: ... Aight. Yeah, I'll do it. Yeah. ... I'll be there. But you better tell fuckin' Seth--
Orbit looks at the phone.
Steve Orbit: Mother fucker hung up on me!
Jonny Fly: Who was it?
Steve Orbit: Front office. They're running Slam this week in Reading, Santander Arena.
Fly laughs.
Jonny Fly: And you're going?
Steve Orbit: ... Yeah.
Fly laughs harder. He mocks Orbit--
Jonny Fly: "Why would I wanna go bump in a ring, I got bitches and money and blah blah"
Steve Orbit: Yeah yeah, you got jokes. Hold up, I'ma check out the website.
Orbit pulls the WCF website up on his phone.
Steve Orbit: Damn. Looks like Seth is doing a whole reset on everything. Half the roster is gone, guess he was serious about those fuckin' contracts.
Jonny Fly: Shit, honestly-- this was the most pampered fuckin' locker room I've ever seen. Bunch of prima donna mother fuckers who all showed up in the last year or two. I don't blame Seth for essentially firing most of them-- WCF has been going for Fifteen years without those fucking crybabies. I say good riddance.
Steve Orbit: Fuck it. Times like this is a loyalty test. Yeah, I could retire-- but when I told all the fans, when I told all the up and coming mother fuckers that I was WCF for life and that I wasn't goin' nowhere, I meant that shit. It's gonna take more than a lil' roster shake-up to take me out this game, you can believe that. Seth don't scare me, he ain't got nothin' over my head, believe that.
Fly and Orbit both sip drinks.
Jonny Fly: Maybe it's for the best, times like these can do a lot to rejuvinate a business.
Steve Orbit: Right? And I'm lookin' at the card right now... it's like a re-boot. Seth is ditchin' some of the titles, and he's kickin' things off with a WCF Classic for the World title. That's what's up... now let's see, where am I at. Logan versus Oblivion, that should be good-- oh, Seth is the special guest ref. Guess Logan's got the week off... let's see... ohhhhh shit.
Jonny Fly: What?
Steve Orbit: Well... you'll like this. I'm not sure if I do.
Jonny Fly: What is it?
Steve Orbit: Purse. I got Purse this week, round one of the Classic.
Fly laughs and claps his hands.
Jonny Fly: Oh God, that's sweet. I hope you break his fuckin' neck.
Steve Orbit: That's fucked up.
Jonny Fly: Fuck Jeff Purse. You'll roll over that pussy-whipped OCD-having detective Monk bitch.
Orbit shrugs.
Steve Orbit: First of all, I ain't gonna trash Purse. We was just startin' to get tight again-- me, him and Polar. They're my boys, Jonny, and Purse has been lookin' like his old self again out there-- I dunno, I think he's gonna be tough to beat this week.
Jonny Fly: They're your BOYS? Getting TIGHT? Jesus, Steve, how old are you? Your own flesh and blood is sitting right here with you, right now. Where's Polar and Purse now? Probably home-- with their FAMILY. With their flesh and blood. Just like you. So don't get all fucking emotional about this, you have no loyalty to Jeff Purse OR Polar Phantasm. You wanna pal around with them in Trios, fine, whatever. But that's over with. Trios is over and it's not coming back-- not this year, maybe not ever, who knows at this rate.
Orbit is still looking at the WCF website on his phone.
Steve Orbit: I don't even see Polar's name on the roster no more.
Jonny Fly: Who cares, Steve? You gotta forget about all this comraderie shit.
Orbit considers Fly's comment.
Steve Orbit: The Classic IS a one-on-one tournament...
Jonny Fly: And the World title is on the line? Pssh. You wanna give Purse a hug before the match? Go ahead, but then you take his fucking head off.
Orbit lights a joint and puffs on it. He pauses for a few seconds, thinking.
Steve Orbit: It ain't about takin' his head off, bro. But this is the WCF Classic and I wouldn't mind puttin' my name in the record books as a Classic winner, let alone a THREE-TIME World Champion. And beyond that-- I ain't never had a one-on-one match with Purse before. I got somethin' to prove here.
Jonny Fly: Right. You have to prove that-- even though you've been on the same side with Purse more than you haven't been, and you guys might consider yourself "friends-- that your family comes first, and you will break Purse's neck to honor your brother's name.
Orbit hits the joint and laughs.
Steve Orbit: That's not exactly what I meant, bro.
Jonny Fly: Come on, Steve. Don't kid yourself, Jeff Purse is the most overrated wrestler in history. He's the only guy I can think of who had literally ONE GOOD NIGHT in his career and people have been kissing his ass ever since and talking about him like he's a legend. Yeah, he won War-- huge accomplishment, not easy to do-- I should know, I've done it. He lucked his way into the One main event that year-- he defended the belt ONCE-- AGAINST ADAM YOUNG-- before jobbing to Eric Price in the One main event. You know as well as I do that what makes a World champion great is not winning the belt, but defending it. War is the type of match where if the conditions are right, and with the right amount of luck, somebody who is completely undeserving can walk away the winner. This is what happened with Jeff Purse, and his career peaked that night. It's been downhill since-- has he even held a title belt since? ANY title belt?
Steve Orbit: I don't know. Maybe? Can't remember.
Jonny Fly: Compare that to you. Record-breaking United States title reign. Record-breaking Hardcore title reign. Two World title reigns-- one of them was half a year and you actually defended every fuckin' month like a real champion. His record and his resume is pathetic next to yours, Steve. He has that one big win-- that's it. You may not have a War win but you have everything else, you have CONSISTENCY. You've been in WCF steady kicking ass for years while Purse has been in and out, back for a month, back for a week, back for one match, but doing absolutely nothing of note.
Steve Orbit: I hear you. But I still respect the mother fucker and what he can do in the ring. You makin' it sound like this is gonna be easy.
Jonny Fly: It SHOULD be easy.
Steve Orbit: Nah, bro. I don't think so. I know you got your feelings about Jeff and that's fine... but I respect the mother fucker, and I know what he can do in the ring. I don't expect this to be easy... but I can beat Jeff Purse. And I will.
Fly slaps Orbit on the arm.
Jonny Fly: That's what I'm talking about.
Orbit passes the joint to Fly. Fly hits it and we fade out.
==
Steve Orbit versus Jeff Purse. Talk about a big fight feel. Fly might expect this to be an easy win for me, but I don't see it that way. Not at all. I expect for me and Purse to go out there and deliver the mother fuckin' match of the night. Two mother fuckers who been here in WCF through the good times and the bad times, and we still here. We still standin' through all the bullshit. And it's funny that for as long as we've both been here, we've never stood across that ring from each other in a one-on-one.
Some might call this a dream match. Some might say that Steve Orbit versus Jeff Purse is too big of a match to be given away for free on Slam, but this is 2016. Sure, Orbit/Purse could have been a huge match if built properly-- but right now, the iron is hot. WCF is heading into uncharted territory, the entire landscape is changing. The biggest prize in the company-- no, the biggest prize IN ALL OF WRESTLING, is up for grabs. There's no reason to hold back. Sure, Orbit versus Purse could be a Pay Per View main event-- a ONE MAIN EVENT, even, but that's not the way this is supposed to go down. That's not the way it's happening.
So I accept that. At the end of the day, Jeff Purse is my homie-- and he'll still be my homie, win or lose, no matter what the outcome of this match is on Sunday. I know he's gonna do whatever it takes to beat me, and he knows I'll bring the same to him. That's the competitive nature of this business. In wrestling, you don't have to be enemies to go to war. Only one man can advance in the tournament, and I'm tryin' to come out on top of this little WCF reset. So I'll do what I have to do.
And on a personal level, I feel like this is a test. Seth wants to see if I still got it, and more importantly, he wants to see if I stil got what it takes to knock one of my homies out of the tournament to secure my own spot. He wants to see if I've gone soft, as if I had a soft bone in my body. You'll see.
Purse, if I hit you with that Pimp Slap, it's not personal. If I take your outside the ring and I gotta smash your head into the ring post, or put you through the fuckin' announce table, it's not because I don't like you. It's because I know how fuckin' tough you are and I know I'm gonna have to pull out everything I got to beat you. I respect you enough to know that I might have to damn near kill you to pin you for a three count.
Just don't take it personal. Win or lose, I know we'll kick back and smoke a bone and laugh about it sometime real soon.
See you out there.