Batman V Superman (spoilerless review)
Mar 25, 2016 17:09:44 GMT -5
Logan, Corey Black, and 5 more like this
Post by John Rabid on Mar 25, 2016 17:09:44 GMT -5
So, Batman V Superman. The so called dawn of the DC universe on screen. This is supposed to be the blueprint. The masterplan for years to come. Hundreds of millions riding on two and and a half hours of Warner bros throwing everything and the kitchen sink at us. The question of course is, is it any good?
Well, it could have been, if only they'd remembered to pack a few things.
Remember how bad that Green Lantern film was? You'd think lessons would have been learned. But...no. No such epoch has occurred, instead we have the very definition of madness on screen. A company believing that this time, when they stick their hands in the fire? It will all actually work.
What we have here is a film that makes Age of Ultron look like the Godfather. It has scenes of such stupidity, that I was snapped completely out of the picture. In the end, all I wanted to do was go home, drink a few suds, and just bury the whole idea of the flick ever existing. What are those scenes? You'll have to PM me for the details, suffice to say the plot has a thimble's worth of goodness. It ruins decent fight scenes (one that has to be the best on screen fight for Batman in the character's history) The plot also makes that cardinal sin of setting up other movies, while forgetting the audience is only really interested in the one happening RIGHT NOW.
This movie is a joyless exercise to watch, it goes for earnestness and brevity at the complete cost of fun. Maybe that's why Ben Affleck's Bruce Wayne is the standout (not wonder woman as I keep hearing) this pic suits his tired, aging, world weary Batman, a man searching for a way to actually make a difference; worn down year after year by a city that has eroded his soul and left him cruel and bitter. This dark knight is a Batman that knows no line left to cross, this caped crusader is literally on Punisher's level of brutality now. He brands his targets, he kills with impunity. He tortures for infomation. He shoots guns. He's the freakin' Punisher.
And yet, the film is STILL not very good. Basically because while there's some nice moments, they're all ruined by the hot trash that's going on around it. Amy Adams has a plot that would have made sense if the screenwriters had managed to stay awake at the keyboard when they wrote it. Wonder Woman's backstory is Highlander meets Captain America; but with none of the heart or style of either. Jesse Eisenberg isn't playing any rendition of Lex Luthor I ever want to see again. In this, Eisenburg is a babbling incomprehensible idiot, he's a poor man's Michael Cera. It's like a shit dumped in your eyes every time he's on screen. It makes you miss the days when Bane was a mindless oaf saying "bomb" as he completed tasks for Poison Ivy.
The fight between Batman and Superman is...kind of dull actually. It has one moment in it that made me smile, but that spark of joy was almost immediately beaten out of me as the plot returned to being so serious and portentous that I felt almost guilty even attempting the emotion. That, at it's heart, is what's wrong with Batman V Superman, it thinks it's a serious examination on how we as a culture worship ideals, on how we constantly fail those ideals and how we reconcile eventually with them. That's great, if you balance all that out with life and heart so that when the moments arrive to do the speech and the gravitas we're all still awake to hear it.
I barely was, and this is a movie named Batman V Superman. A film where Bats hits a bad guy with a Rock Bottom ( I shit you not) This is not a good start for DC, and if the conclusion is anything to go by? Well, Marvel must be laughing their collective socks off right now.
5.4/10
Well, it could have been, if only they'd remembered to pack a few things.
Remember how bad that Green Lantern film was? You'd think lessons would have been learned. But...no. No such epoch has occurred, instead we have the very definition of madness on screen. A company believing that this time, when they stick their hands in the fire? It will all actually work.
What we have here is a film that makes Age of Ultron look like the Godfather. It has scenes of such stupidity, that I was snapped completely out of the picture. In the end, all I wanted to do was go home, drink a few suds, and just bury the whole idea of the flick ever existing. What are those scenes? You'll have to PM me for the details, suffice to say the plot has a thimble's worth of goodness. It ruins decent fight scenes (one that has to be the best on screen fight for Batman in the character's history) The plot also makes that cardinal sin of setting up other movies, while forgetting the audience is only really interested in the one happening RIGHT NOW.
This movie is a joyless exercise to watch, it goes for earnestness and brevity at the complete cost of fun. Maybe that's why Ben Affleck's Bruce Wayne is the standout (not wonder woman as I keep hearing) this pic suits his tired, aging, world weary Batman, a man searching for a way to actually make a difference; worn down year after year by a city that has eroded his soul and left him cruel and bitter. This dark knight is a Batman that knows no line left to cross, this caped crusader is literally on Punisher's level of brutality now. He brands his targets, he kills with impunity. He tortures for infomation. He shoots guns. He's the freakin' Punisher.
And yet, the film is STILL not very good. Basically because while there's some nice moments, they're all ruined by the hot trash that's going on around it. Amy Adams has a plot that would have made sense if the screenwriters had managed to stay awake at the keyboard when they wrote it. Wonder Woman's backstory is Highlander meets Captain America; but with none of the heart or style of either. Jesse Eisenberg isn't playing any rendition of Lex Luthor I ever want to see again. In this, Eisenburg is a babbling incomprehensible idiot, he's a poor man's Michael Cera. It's like a shit dumped in your eyes every time he's on screen. It makes you miss the days when Bane was a mindless oaf saying "bomb" as he completed tasks for Poison Ivy.
The fight between Batman and Superman is...kind of dull actually. It has one moment in it that made me smile, but that spark of joy was almost immediately beaten out of me as the plot returned to being so serious and portentous that I felt almost guilty even attempting the emotion. That, at it's heart, is what's wrong with Batman V Superman, it thinks it's a serious examination on how we as a culture worship ideals, on how we constantly fail those ideals and how we reconcile eventually with them. That's great, if you balance all that out with life and heart so that when the moments arrive to do the speech and the gravitas we're all still awake to hear it.
I barely was, and this is a movie named Batman V Superman. A film where Bats hits a bad guy with a Rock Bottom ( I shit you not) This is not a good start for DC, and if the conclusion is anything to go by? Well, Marvel must be laughing their collective socks off right now.
5.4/10