Post by Joey Flash on Apr 24, 2015 8:44:29 GMT -5
Full Italian Breakfast
Joseph Malignaggi stood on the precipice of greatness; he was so close he could almost feel the serenity of true control and true power. He reached out toward the mirror and placed a warm palm on the cool glass, the vision staring back at him was a far cry from the crying snivelling mess that greeted him each morning for the past couple of months. The pockmarks and blemishes that plagued his beautiful olive skin had faded back into the ether and it left him with a pristine complexion, a close shave took nearly ten years from what had become a bedraggled and beaten down face. His jet black hair flopped across his shoulders and he shook the wild mane into a more manageable position.
To compare the man staring back him in the mirror to the imposter he found haunting his every waking moment for as long as he could remember was staggering, from bedraggled pauper to royalty. He snapped a couple of punches into the air, the force broke through the air with an audible ‘whoosh’ and he smiled to himself. Hello world, I’m home…welcome back.
He descended the stairs of the Allegri mansion making sure to take in every inch of what was most certainly a beautiful day, from the moment he had been awoken from slumber by the hazy glaze of morning sunshine creeping through the solitary crack in the curtain and then finding the love of his life curled up next to him, the dusky scent of her perfume ensuring that Lil Joey woke up just as well. They had fucked for near an hour before Alessandra forcibly dragged herself downstairs to begin breakfast. Now the only scent was the cooking of succulent sausage.
Joey entered the kitchen to the sound of bacon crackling on the hob and Alessandra humming to herself as she twirled the kitchen in a dance of domestic incompetence, the place was a pigsty. Pots were everywhere, shelves had been tipped onto the floor and the spice rack…well let’s just say if spice racks had an FCC, that shit would be censored.
Joey: Good morning.
Alessandra: Good morning Joseph.
She kissed him on the cheek and almost scalded him with freshly boiled water for the eggs.
Joey: You’re very chipper.
Alessandra: Joseph, if you had seven orgasms this morning would you be ‘chipper?’
Joey: I’d be a quivering mess asking for resuscitation on the bathroom floor.
Alessandra smiled.
Alessandra: That would be after two.
She quickly hurried through the remainder of her preparation and began to dish up this morning’s delightful Malignaggi/Allegri feast. Alessandra had disappeared upstairs to wrangle their son Christian for his breakfast; Joey had burst his egg yolk open with a slice of toast and began mopping up the gooey yellow goodness. This week would prove pivotal to his entire WCF career; everything he had slowly built was going to be put on the line at Aftermath. Words like ‘Loyalty’ were at the very back of his mind when words like ‘Domination’ were creeping to the forefront, the match with Katherine Phoenix was naught but a sideshow for what would come later.
I will have what is mine…
Christian: Brekky!
The little boy with the shaggy black hair clambered onto a chair next to Joey and began hacking at his neatly pre-cut breakfast with his fork. Alessandra followed the boy into the room and sat herself down opposite the two men of the household.
Alessandra: So? How is it?
Joey: It’s nice-
Alessandra: Oh try the Eggs, go on.
Joey: What does it look like I’m doing?
Alessandra: You’re dipping, eat it.
Joey: Now I’m getting told how to eat my eggs?
Alessandra: Don’t be silly, I just wanna see if you like it.
Joey jabbed his fork into the egg and slid the gooey white mess into his mouth (no homo), it would have been okay has it not been for the disgusting charred burning taste that flooded poor Joseph’s taste buds. A foul taste that would render the rest of the breakfast borderline inedible.
Joey: It’s, uhh-
Alessandra: Yes?
Christian: YUCK
Joey: What he said.
Alessandra: What, why?
Joey motioned for her to try it, she did so.
Alessandra: Yeah, yuck. What did I do wrong?
Joey: Burnt it.
Alessandra: How do you burn a boiled egg?
Joey: Dunno, but you my dear are truly the master at such, if it were an invention I’d make sure you patented it.
The rest of the breakfast was consumed in a mournful silence as what could have been an amazing feast was carried into the underworld forever more via the courtesy of burned eggs. When done each member of the family bowed their heads in an unspoken understanding of the travesty that was perpetrated this fine morning. Alessandra had begun the epic task of the clean-up and Christian had plonked himself down in front of the television to begin on his morning cartoonery. Joey began running the hot water and prepared himself for his similar struggle of the dish washing.
Alessandra: You’re fighting that woman again aren’t you?
Joey: Oh, you heard.
Alessandra slid next him and splashed bubbles in his face.
Alessandra: Why haven’t you killed her yet?
Joey: That’s a bit extreme don’t you think?
Alessandra: I just know that personality type, I’ve seen plenty of em in my time.
Joey: No shit, I’m hardly a stranger to fuckin wackjobs myself you know.
He looked her up and down and smiled, she punched him entirely too hard in the gut causing him to cough and sputter.
Alessandra: I’ll wash your mouth out for that one later. Really though, she’s dangerous, more dangerous than I think you’re giving credit for.
Joey: Dangerous, please, she’s a fuckin wo-
Alessandra shut him up with a look that told him another syllable in that sentence would result in something much worse than a punch to the gut.
Joey: She’s a creampuff. You don’t have to worry about a thing; I like you supporting my beating of psycho women though.
She shot him a smile
Alessandra: Who said chivalry was dead? I just don’t want to see you getting caught up with this type of person, end it, and end it decisively. Not because I’m jealous, cos, well we’ve both seen those thighs, but because I don’t want any of this stalker stuff spilling over outside of your work. I don’t want to have to take care of it, so do it for us both.
Joey saluted
Joey: You got it madam, any other requests?
Alessandra turned and began to walk out of the room.
Alessandra: You do the cleaning.
With that she left and Joey looked at the ominous pile of washing, sprawling cutlery and general mess in the room. Well this would be fun, he thought on Alessandra’s words as he frolicked in the joys of marigolds, Kathy P dangerous? He didn’t know about that, she was a little obsessive and a little mentally unstable but everyone deserves a chance right? Joey laughed to himself, nah, this bitch is gonna get her fucking teeth kicked in.
Machiavellian
Buddy Roman was hurrying as fast as his little legs could carry him along the corridor of the hotel he had booked for the Vapor Kings stay in during their trip to the dot for Aftermath. He had become very concerned by the things he had been seeing from his new charge Joey Flash over the past couple of weeks. He could not have any type of big interruption during such a big week for the Vapor Kings, this was their chance to get their hands on the World Title once more and having one of their number acting so…odd, even for their standards was not the best of preparation. He approached a glass door and pushed it open to find one Joseph Flash sat at one end of a large conference table with a book in his hand.
Buddy: Good afternoon son.
Joey held a hand up to stop Buddy before pointing for him to sit down. What impudence, what glorious, beautiful impudence. Joey scanned the pages for another couple of moments before placing a bookmark and closing the book.
Buddy: Some light reading Joseph?
Joey: Yeah, I’ve been enjoying making time for it of late.
Buddy: Excellent, we love it…ah ‘The Prince’, rather high brow-
Joey: I know right, I bought it thinking it’d be a Grime autobiography but shit this fuckin stuff is deep. We’ll see.
Buddy: What have you gleaned?
Joey: Who fuckin knows man, as I said, light reading.
Joey smiled and leant forward.
Joey: Why have I been dragged here when I should be getting my road work in?
Buddy: I’m…concerned.
Joey: Concerned about what exactly? Shit we got this stuff on lock, ZMAC is gonna decapitate that bastard Gemini, Beckman will whack Cairo and I’m gonna thrash Kathy, what’s your problem? Need my counsel especially huh?
Buddy adjusted his collar.
Buddy: Not quite, Joseph, is everything okay with you?
Joey: Me? I’m on top of the world Roman, you?
Buddy: I’m excellent; I’m just concerned about your mindset.
The mood in the room changed immediately and Joey’s shadow seemed to expand in size as he leant further forward and glared at his new manager.
Joey: What mindset is this?
Buddy: It’s not that I don’t appreciate your verve and your gumption…but aren’t you perhaps being a little too ahhh forward? I mean look, I understand you’re just trying to angle your way to the top and please please trust me we are going to take you there, you just have to be patient and not do anything rash. We have a great chance at Aftermath to really make a statement and for Natural ICE Beckman to bring the gold home where it belongs. You will reap the rewards of your support soon-
Joey stood up and took in a deep breath staring a hole straight through Buddy Roman.
Joey: I’m being a little too forward? Oh well I apologise, would you tell Mr Stay Stagnant and his wife Mrs Going Backwards to prepare for my stay at their lodge for another few months? I sure had a lovely stay.
Joey slammed his fist down on the table.
Joey: Shut the fuck up Roman and listen very carefully to the words that are coming out of my mouth. I am done; I am done with this constant bullshit I am subjected to. Week after week of worthless matches, I’m paddling with one oar here just going in fucking circles. Seeing people who have no business even holding my jock are the ones getting the rub over me. What did you promise me? A chance at greatness, a chance at the World Title, well where is it? Where the fuck is it Buddy? Old dear pops, great wise fucking father, what are you going to do about it?
Buddy: Please Joseph you’re not-
Joey: What are you going to do about it you sack of blubberous waste?
Joey kicked a chair out next to Buddy Roman and pulled the quivering man close to him.
Buddy: Just wait, give it another mo-
Joey: That’s ALL I EVER FUCKING HEAR. ‘Give it time’ ‘Your time will come’. I heard it from Seth, I’ve been hearing it from fans, reporters, and the boys in the back are even questioning what’s wrong with this picture. Now I’m getting the exact same shit from you? I am the best talent you have and instead you continue to push that fucking joke Beckman? Where is my support, where is my advocacy? You don’t have a fuckin clue what you’re dealing with right here do you? You thought you stumbled onto an uncut diamond that you could polish, exploit and use to your own gain, get in at the entry level and let your shares in Joey Flash take you right to the top. Understand this, you are not my father, the Vapor Kings aren’t my brothers, they aren’t even my friends. They’re a jumped up, smacked up waste of talent and a man who can barely even fucking wrestle, someone who is so pre-occupied with running about with his little friends and fucking his ugly tramp bitch than concentrating on preparing for the biggest rematch in his life. Wanna know what those people are to me Buddy? I’m seeing clearer then I have in years, you, the Vapor Kings, you are nothing but liabilities to me.
I’m a man who hits the road at 4am, who hits the gym at 6…then begins his technique drills. I’m not the man sat in the back of your car saying ‘Please help me, I coulda been a contender’. I’m not a contender to fucking anything, get it straight, what’s happening on Sunday is this…
He grabs Buddy by the collar and drags him to his feet and the two men are now nose to nose.
Joey: First, I deal with Katherine Phoenix, permanently, let’s just say I’m not expecting her to be there to face me in the ring.
Second, remember that promise I made to Seth months ago that I would ruin his little Trilogy Cup? Oh wait; it’s the finals of that isn’t it? Guess fucking what, still no opportunity for Joey Flash, well Dune and Omega you’re going to be collateral damage in my statement…I’d be sorry if the both of you weren’t complete faggots.
Then we come full circle and it’s main event time. I’m going to be ringside, I’m going to be a good little team mate, I’ll cheer and I’ll support. Then that ‘biggest rematch’ that ‘biggest rivalry’ shit? Vapor Kings and Poondock Saints? I’m going to reduce all of it to ash. I am the best wrestler in the company, and it seems that as much as I show it, as much as I preach it seems like we’re dealing with deaf and blind fuckin monkeys, well I’m gonna complete the triumvirate and make ya’ll fuckin speechless by the time Aftermath is done.
If Pantheon wants to join the party I’m more willing to accommodate them too. You know, it’s taken me months to prepare for this one very moment; this is the point in WCF history where everything changes. And you…
Joey slaps Buddy across the chops and he sags back into the chair.
Joey: Just do what I tell you.
Buddy: JOSEPH! What are you thinking?!
Joey turned to leave the room and pushed the door open, stopping only to give a wide toothy smile in his manager’s direction.
Joey: I’m thinking, just how good I’m going to look with that crown.
Buddy Roman was left alone speechless himself in the small conference room. What on earth was this man thinking? This was not how things were meant to have gone down, he was supposed to be a seamless fit into this group and we were meant to conquer everything in our path. We are supposed to be a TEAM. Buddy couldn’t be angry though, far from it, Joseph was showing a fire and a desire that reminded him of himself, as concerned and nervous as he was…he had never been more proud.
Stan
We open the scene to find Joseph Flash stood in his finest tracksuit and his hair slicked back. This was one of the only times he had ever allowed himself to wear shades indoors as he stepped up the microphone in the cramped recording booth, if he were any larger he could well have gotten wedged inside. He tapped twice on the microphone
Joey: Is this shit working.
A sound tech piped up through the glass opposite with a muffled ‘Yes’. Joey held one thumb up and pulled the headphones over his ears as the beat dropped. Joey nodded along with the beat and begin to ride it in a manner reminiscent of Big L in his prime, Joey flow lit the fuckin room on FIYUH!
My style’s got old I'm wondering why I challenged you at all
The punches you throw swell up my eyes now and I can't see at all
And even if I could all I’d see is blood, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, you’re just too good, you’re just too good.
Dear JoJo, I sent you a present but you still ain't calling
I left my stained pants, my phone number and a nude inside the stockings
I sent two decapitated bunnies back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at Seth’s office or something
Sometimes I’m spasming just thinking about you when I wrote em
Fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your son?
Please make me pregnant too, I’ve got the oven, just give me the bun.
If we have a son, guess what I'ma call the man?
Let’s spite the guy who wants you dead and call him Sam!
I read about Vincenzo too, that’s the shits right at the bottom
I had a friend get killed by someone who he betrayed and then they shot him.
I know you probably hear this every day, but just thinking of you makes me live so happily,
I watched all your matches, even with Grime, what a fag is he!
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, being without you is agony
I hope you don’t read this and look on in apathy
If you didn’t love me it’d be a tragedy
You are the perfect match for me.
Love, from your number one Kathy P.
My style’s got old I'm wondering why I challenged you at all
The punches you throw swell up my eyes now and I can't see at all
And even if I could all I’d see is blood, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, you’re just too good, you’re just too good.
Dear JoJo, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you write me back
I’m not mad, if you wanted me to leave you alone just ask
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your match
you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for little Lilith
That’s my best friend we were waiting for you in a fuckin blizzard
We waited in the blistering cold for you, we even had work we shook off
ten hours and you just said, "Fuck off."
That's pretty shitty man – you’re our fucking idol.
We want to be just like you, look just like you, dress just like you
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we met in the locker room - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father, my male influence was watching the care bears ;
I’m a psychopath who needs someone holding their hand and stroking their hair
I can relate to what you're saying in your promos
so when I have a shitty day, I practice what you preach and beat up some homos
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest, I’ve got your face on both my breasts
I enjoy cutting myself to see how much it bleeds
It’s the only thing that keeps me going as I yearn for your seed
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My fiancee’s jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But Logan don't know you how I do JoJo, no one does
He doesn’t know what it was like for people like us growing up
You must come fuck me soon, lay me flat like a left from Manny P
Your love Kathy P.
My style’s got old I'm wondering why I challenged you at all
The punches you throw swell up my eyes now and I can't see at all
And even if I could all I’d see is blood, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, you’re just too good, you’re just too good.
Dear Mister I’m too good to come and impregnate me
This’ll be the last thing you ever get sent from me
It's been a week and still no word, don’t I deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
No crayons this time I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So these are my last words I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car doing the speed limit, pushing it to its maximum force
Even if I’m going to kill myself I still abide the laws
You know the song by Psy ‘Gangnam Style’?
about that guy who was dancing in a stable with cute horses?
Then had several random interspersed scenes from different sources?
That's not how this is, you should have just impregnated me and there would be no losses.
Now it's too late - I'm on a sugar high and I’m trying to drive
All I wanted was your sperm and I’d have been perfectly fine
I hope you know I haven’t masturbated to you in days
I love you Joey, we coulda been together in so many ways
To hold you in your arms and rock you like a little babe;
All I wanted was your sweet sticky glaze
See Joe; Shut up cunt! I'm trying to talk!
Hey Joey, that’s Logan screaming there in the trunk
but I didn’t shoot him in the face, I just tied him up, see I ain't like you
stuffed his mouth with hotdogs until he suffocates and then he'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at Toronto now, we’re about to die, I’ll see you in the next life, enjoy the wreckage, the deaths and the aftermath,
Oh shit I forgot, I’m facing you at Aftermath-
My style’s got old I'm wondering why I challenged you at all
The punches you throw swell up my eyes now and I can't see at all
And even if I could all I’d see is blood, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, you’re just too good, you’re just too good.
Dear Katherine, I meant to write you sooner but guess what you’re a cunt,
You want to be pregnant, well for anyone to fuck you would be a fuckin stunt
Look, I'm really flattered that you want my cock
but if I came within five meters of your diseased twat that shit would drop off
I'm sorry I didn’t see you after the match, I musta missed you
PSYCHE I kept you there waiting that long just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to cut yourself?
At least do it properly and die, go fuck yaself
You fucking ugly mutt, if anyone would even consider fucking you you’d be a slut
You got some issues Kathy, I think you need some therapy
or maybe a punch to ya fuckin mouth, being as ugly as you should be a felony
I really think you and Logan need each other
Maybe you need to be more loyal and treat him better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
So it destroys your fragile fucking childlike mind
I in no way want to be associated with a cunt like you bitch,
Face like leather, wizards sleeve and a general stench of shit
I seen this one legend on the news a couple weeks ago that made me so happy
Some crazy bitch on a chocolate binge, went flying off a bridge
had her fiancée in the trunk he’d been killed by choking on a sausage
When I heard such a beautiful act it made me light headed and filled with glee
When I saw the rancid broken and dead corpse of thee
fuck off Kathy P.
My style’s got old I'm wondering why I challenged you at all
The punches you throw swell up my eyes now and I can't see at all
And even if I could all I’d see is blood, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, you’re just too good, you’re just too good.
With that the song ends to raucous applause from the…one sound technician supervising the recording of the new hit single ‘FUCK THIS CRAZY FUCKIN BITCH by JOE FLOW’.
Joey: How was that shit?
Technician: I felt moved to tears.
Joey: Thanks man, I tell stories in my rhymes ya know. So here we are…
Joey takes his headphones off and begins talking down the microphone to no one in particular; the sound tech has gone for a coffee leaving the unsupervised Flash to his own devices.
Joey: It’s fight week and we’re getting geared up for this abortion of a match. Joseph Flash taking on the one and only Katherine fuckin Phoenix, I went from being the best prospect in the federation, to having the best undefeated streak to begin a career, to bodying Pantheon to losing to Grime and now I have to face you? What have I done with my life?
Joey shakes his head and sighs.
Joey: Well your time is finally here, the time you’ve been waiting for, dreaming about, fantasizing about. The time where you finally get to share some concentrated alone time with your favourite person one on one. You’ve dreamt about it many times, the handsome prince sweeping the delicate little flower of a washing girl from her life of poverty and servitude and carrying her off on his steed for them to dance into the night. What a delightful dream, I could even share in such, women should dream of such, should always want something like this to aspire to, don’t settle, chase your Prince Charming!
Unfortunately when the bell tolls to start our match, what you thought was going to be your prince will be your very own reaper going to send you six feet below whatever disgusting hole you crawled out from. This whole match is like something out of fiction in itself. Let us document how this match has been made, probably the longest most sweeping saga in the history of ridiculous WCF matches.
I’m happily on twitter, enjoying my time insulting any bitch, faggot and cunt that comes up on my screen, I was having a great time of it. Then one day I get a notification that someone called @darkphoenix has mentioned me in a tweet, I have a look to see what great fandom has arrived, I get it on the regular. I clicked ‘Open’ and saw this:
“@darkphoenix via Twitlonger
Lil Joey you taking some time off due to realizing how much you suck and how much of a failure you are... Is really bringing tears to my eyes. It's like watching a baby bird fall out of its nest and then saving itself from certain death by learning how to fly just in time. It's really just beautiful I have to say. I hope your impending depression doesn't get to you so much that you end up doing something really stupid, Joey. That would just break my heart. Get better soon, Joey. Keep your spirits up... You won't always be awful. And if you are it's not the end of the world, I'm sure you'd get invited to join that Panasonic group with the rest of those losers. #GetBetterSoon”
My jaw dropped, who and what was this person? So I happily replied and found out to much glee I finally had a sparring partner on the internet, so I do what any self-respecting man does at this point to overwhelm a dumb bitch that is borderline unintelligible and such an easy target for any and every insult…
Her twitter feed turned from the most turgid rubbish in the entire federation, and this is a place where Pantheon still exist, so saying a lot, into the most marvellous thing since the birth of Joey Flash. This tale however then takes a turn for the worse, a lot darker, as this bitch then decides that rather than enjoy continuing the unwinnable war against cute animals and the hot fire I’m laying down, she starts to *gasp* go along with it. Not only go along with it, she adopted that shit quicker than Brad and Angie with a Nigerian newborn. This shit turned quickly from ‘love of cute animals’ to ‘incessant stalking and pursuing of Joey Flash’ almost in the flick of a switch, even Glenn Close would be lockin her fuckin doors if you were about ya fuckin psycho.
So the story continues from there, we end up fighting once and teaming once, and now we end up here. A WCF story at it’s finest, let’s keep it 100, you didn’t earn this match by the slightest amount, this isn’t going to be the match that you dreamed of, it’s gonna be the beating you fuckin deserve. I gotta give you props though; you garnered all your interest and all of your WCF fame from one thing…the internet. You’ve proved absolutely nothing in that squared circle, everything that people know of you, care about you or think of you comes from the internet, and you talk a bigger game than Vin Scully. ICE Beckman got his big rematch from whining on the net, maybe there’s something to this shit. He however has a long body of work that proves that he at least has the right to talk that shit, you got this match from nothing to do with skill, talent or accomplishment but from your constant incessant relentlessly terrible shit talking, all of this fucking hassle could have just been averted if I would have just hit the ‘Block’ button rather than ‘Reply’. That’s one mistake I wish I could go back and alter, Jesus, you’re the most annoying shit to pop up on the internet since ‘Live Jasmin’.
The sound technician has returned and sipping his coffee while listening intently to Joey’s rant.
Joey: Uh, hello.
Technician: I’m still recording.
Joey: Hey, shit, use this as a fuckin skit or something.
Technician: A…skit?
Joey: I dunno, I like it, keep shit rolling. We goin hard.
Joey pulls the mic closer and begins once more.
Joey: ‘Ducky Flash’
Joey applauds.
Joey: This shit needs to be deaded right quick; I got that NES light gun at the ready for that little motherfucker. Here is a joke; you are talking to an imaginary duck…that’s the joke. What kind of ridiculous shit are you trying to pull on us here Kathy? Is this legit, like you actually see a waddling little bastard who follows you around and talks to you? What does he do? What does he say? Does he jump? Does he swim? Does he eat grapes? Does he waddle away? Does he provide comfort for an otherwise scrambled mind that is trying to cling to whatever sanity it has left in this world by creating the mental crutch of a fluffy cute adorable little ducky that affirms your inner thoughts and feelings because you are too numb to express them yourself?
Fuck outta here, you are known for two things in this federation, stalking Joey Flash and being the one Joey Flash began spamming with cute animals to shut their ridiculous rambling up. So what does the genius subconscious of Kathy P do, the same genius subconscious that brought us the abortion of a persona that was Lilith, this little Einstein melds both Joey Flash and the cute duck that I used on the net into one ridiculous new persona inside her already ravaged psyche. This bitch has more faces than Harvey Dent; well I’ll take that face off like John and Nick and revealed the scared little princess inside. The same princess that finds the likes of Eve Vega so insulting, is it because of some genuine rage toward her? Or is it self-esteem and self-loathing issues? They have everything that you ever wanted, whereas Eve Vega may very well get her Prince Charming one day and live in the magical castle the only thing you will get is a padded room and morning doses of happiness in capsules that make your friend Ducky Flash disappear for good. I’m not going to play with you, I’m going to fucking break you, and I’m going bring everything you know crashing around you. I’m going to pull the veil that you’re hiding your own feelings with straight from across that ugly mug. I’m going to destroy this princess’s world right in front of her eyes like Alderaan.
The technician whoops and claps once more.
Technician: Damn you killin it, GO IN NIGGA.
Joey: So bitch, what’s going to be your game plan here? You have no possible way to defeat me, you are the weakest of the weak, you are charmin ultra soft. You have absolutely nothing for me in that ring except a warm body for me to torture for five minutes…or however long you fuckin last. This isn’t even going to be a contest, this is the closest thing to a one sided slaughter you are ever going to experience. Lap it up, tell ‘Ducky’ to get a ringside seat so he can feel himself getting beaten out of existence by the blunt force trauma that’s going to be running up and down ya head.
You’re finished, this shit is over. The only words you will ever speak to me after this will be ‘Yes sir’ and ‘No sir’. You’re not even worth a bodybag, I’m gonna chuck you into a shallow grave, piss on that motherfucker and leave a sign saying ‘She died as she lived, in a ditch like the pathetic cunt she was’.
Joey motions ‘IT’S OVER’ with his arms and the tech stands and applauds once more.
Technician: That was beautiful bro, really fuckin beautiful.
Joey bows and soaks in the adulation of the one person who will ever likely hear that terrible song of his.
Joey: Now that is a #1 hit right there.
What can change the nature of a man?
Joey Flash removed the sunglasses as he stepped outside, a counter-productive action as he found himself blinded by the glare of the ball in the sky. He began his walk to the gym and thought to himself ‘the time was almost here’. He had said too much to Buddy Roman, but his plans were far beyond anything Buddy could comprehend at this time, he only hoped the fat man would do what Joey had asked of him when the time came. Aftermath was an opportunity he simply could not miss. His only concern was if Pantheon were to get involved, but Buddy Roman had assured him that issue would not be a problem. Nonetheless, Pantheon may be a...complication he had to deal with, he was ready.
Odin Balfore
Kaz Mazy
Bobby Cairo
…
Zombie McMorris
Natural ICE Beckman.
…
The WCF World Heavyweight Championship.
The X’s had been well and truly marked and Joey was almost salivating at the prospect. The actors were all about to take the stage and Joey was about to feast, all the planning, all the ridicule and the bullshit he had endured. He licked his lips.
'I will reduce it all to ash'
Joseph Malignaggi stood on the precipice of greatness; he was so close he could almost feel the serenity of true control and true power. He reached out toward the mirror and placed a warm palm on the cool glass, the vision staring back at him was a far cry from the crying snivelling mess that greeted him each morning for the past couple of months. The pockmarks and blemishes that plagued his beautiful olive skin had faded back into the ether and it left him with a pristine complexion, a close shave took nearly ten years from what had become a bedraggled and beaten down face. His jet black hair flopped across his shoulders and he shook the wild mane into a more manageable position.
To compare the man staring back him in the mirror to the imposter he found haunting his every waking moment for as long as he could remember was staggering, from bedraggled pauper to royalty. He snapped a couple of punches into the air, the force broke through the air with an audible ‘whoosh’ and he smiled to himself. Hello world, I’m home…welcome back.
He descended the stairs of the Allegri mansion making sure to take in every inch of what was most certainly a beautiful day, from the moment he had been awoken from slumber by the hazy glaze of morning sunshine creeping through the solitary crack in the curtain and then finding the love of his life curled up next to him, the dusky scent of her perfume ensuring that Lil Joey woke up just as well. They had fucked for near an hour before Alessandra forcibly dragged herself downstairs to begin breakfast. Now the only scent was the cooking of succulent sausage.
Joey entered the kitchen to the sound of bacon crackling on the hob and Alessandra humming to herself as she twirled the kitchen in a dance of domestic incompetence, the place was a pigsty. Pots were everywhere, shelves had been tipped onto the floor and the spice rack…well let’s just say if spice racks had an FCC, that shit would be censored.
Joey: Good morning.
Alessandra: Good morning Joseph.
She kissed him on the cheek and almost scalded him with freshly boiled water for the eggs.
Joey: You’re very chipper.
Alessandra: Joseph, if you had seven orgasms this morning would you be ‘chipper?’
Joey: I’d be a quivering mess asking for resuscitation on the bathroom floor.
Alessandra smiled.
Alessandra: That would be after two.
She quickly hurried through the remainder of her preparation and began to dish up this morning’s delightful Malignaggi/Allegri feast. Alessandra had disappeared upstairs to wrangle their son Christian for his breakfast; Joey had burst his egg yolk open with a slice of toast and began mopping up the gooey yellow goodness. This week would prove pivotal to his entire WCF career; everything he had slowly built was going to be put on the line at Aftermath. Words like ‘Loyalty’ were at the very back of his mind when words like ‘Domination’ were creeping to the forefront, the match with Katherine Phoenix was naught but a sideshow for what would come later.
I will have what is mine…
Christian: Brekky!
The little boy with the shaggy black hair clambered onto a chair next to Joey and began hacking at his neatly pre-cut breakfast with his fork. Alessandra followed the boy into the room and sat herself down opposite the two men of the household.
Alessandra: So? How is it?
Joey: It’s nice-
Alessandra: Oh try the Eggs, go on.
Joey: What does it look like I’m doing?
Alessandra: You’re dipping, eat it.
Joey: Now I’m getting told how to eat my eggs?
Alessandra: Don’t be silly, I just wanna see if you like it.
Joey jabbed his fork into the egg and slid the gooey white mess into his mouth (no homo), it would have been okay has it not been for the disgusting charred burning taste that flooded poor Joseph’s taste buds. A foul taste that would render the rest of the breakfast borderline inedible.
Joey: It’s, uhh-
Alessandra: Yes?
Christian: YUCK
Joey: What he said.
Alessandra: What, why?
Joey motioned for her to try it, she did so.
Alessandra: Yeah, yuck. What did I do wrong?
Joey: Burnt it.
Alessandra: How do you burn a boiled egg?
Joey: Dunno, but you my dear are truly the master at such, if it were an invention I’d make sure you patented it.
The rest of the breakfast was consumed in a mournful silence as what could have been an amazing feast was carried into the underworld forever more via the courtesy of burned eggs. When done each member of the family bowed their heads in an unspoken understanding of the travesty that was perpetrated this fine morning. Alessandra had begun the epic task of the clean-up and Christian had plonked himself down in front of the television to begin on his morning cartoonery. Joey began running the hot water and prepared himself for his similar struggle of the dish washing.
Alessandra: You’re fighting that woman again aren’t you?
Joey: Oh, you heard.
Alessandra slid next him and splashed bubbles in his face.
Alessandra: Why haven’t you killed her yet?
Joey: That’s a bit extreme don’t you think?
Alessandra: I just know that personality type, I’ve seen plenty of em in my time.
Joey: No shit, I’m hardly a stranger to fuckin wackjobs myself you know.
He looked her up and down and smiled, she punched him entirely too hard in the gut causing him to cough and sputter.
Alessandra: I’ll wash your mouth out for that one later. Really though, she’s dangerous, more dangerous than I think you’re giving credit for.
Joey: Dangerous, please, she’s a fuckin wo-
Alessandra shut him up with a look that told him another syllable in that sentence would result in something much worse than a punch to the gut.
Joey: She’s a creampuff. You don’t have to worry about a thing; I like you supporting my beating of psycho women though.
She shot him a smile
Alessandra: Who said chivalry was dead? I just don’t want to see you getting caught up with this type of person, end it, and end it decisively. Not because I’m jealous, cos, well we’ve both seen those thighs, but because I don’t want any of this stalker stuff spilling over outside of your work. I don’t want to have to take care of it, so do it for us both.
Joey saluted
Joey: You got it madam, any other requests?
Alessandra turned and began to walk out of the room.
Alessandra: You do the cleaning.
With that she left and Joey looked at the ominous pile of washing, sprawling cutlery and general mess in the room. Well this would be fun, he thought on Alessandra’s words as he frolicked in the joys of marigolds, Kathy P dangerous? He didn’t know about that, she was a little obsessive and a little mentally unstable but everyone deserves a chance right? Joey laughed to himself, nah, this bitch is gonna get her fucking teeth kicked in.
Machiavellian
Buddy Roman was hurrying as fast as his little legs could carry him along the corridor of the hotel he had booked for the Vapor Kings stay in during their trip to the dot for Aftermath. He had become very concerned by the things he had been seeing from his new charge Joey Flash over the past couple of weeks. He could not have any type of big interruption during such a big week for the Vapor Kings, this was their chance to get their hands on the World Title once more and having one of their number acting so…odd, even for their standards was not the best of preparation. He approached a glass door and pushed it open to find one Joseph Flash sat at one end of a large conference table with a book in his hand.
Buddy: Good afternoon son.
Joey held a hand up to stop Buddy before pointing for him to sit down. What impudence, what glorious, beautiful impudence. Joey scanned the pages for another couple of moments before placing a bookmark and closing the book.
Buddy: Some light reading Joseph?
Joey: Yeah, I’ve been enjoying making time for it of late.
Buddy: Excellent, we love it…ah ‘The Prince’, rather high brow-
Joey: I know right, I bought it thinking it’d be a Grime autobiography but shit this fuckin stuff is deep. We’ll see.
Buddy: What have you gleaned?
Joey: Who fuckin knows man, as I said, light reading.
Joey smiled and leant forward.
Joey: Why have I been dragged here when I should be getting my road work in?
Buddy: I’m…concerned.
Joey: Concerned about what exactly? Shit we got this stuff on lock, ZMAC is gonna decapitate that bastard Gemini, Beckman will whack Cairo and I’m gonna thrash Kathy, what’s your problem? Need my counsel especially huh?
Buddy adjusted his collar.
Buddy: Not quite, Joseph, is everything okay with you?
Joey: Me? I’m on top of the world Roman, you?
Buddy: I’m excellent; I’m just concerned about your mindset.
The mood in the room changed immediately and Joey’s shadow seemed to expand in size as he leant further forward and glared at his new manager.
Joey: What mindset is this?
Buddy: It’s not that I don’t appreciate your verve and your gumption…but aren’t you perhaps being a little too ahhh forward? I mean look, I understand you’re just trying to angle your way to the top and please please trust me we are going to take you there, you just have to be patient and not do anything rash. We have a great chance at Aftermath to really make a statement and for Natural ICE Beckman to bring the gold home where it belongs. You will reap the rewards of your support soon-
Joey stood up and took in a deep breath staring a hole straight through Buddy Roman.
Joey: I’m being a little too forward? Oh well I apologise, would you tell Mr Stay Stagnant and his wife Mrs Going Backwards to prepare for my stay at their lodge for another few months? I sure had a lovely stay.
Joey slammed his fist down on the table.
Joey: Shut the fuck up Roman and listen very carefully to the words that are coming out of my mouth. I am done; I am done with this constant bullshit I am subjected to. Week after week of worthless matches, I’m paddling with one oar here just going in fucking circles. Seeing people who have no business even holding my jock are the ones getting the rub over me. What did you promise me? A chance at greatness, a chance at the World Title, well where is it? Where the fuck is it Buddy? Old dear pops, great wise fucking father, what are you going to do about it?
Buddy: Please Joseph you’re not-
Joey: What are you going to do about it you sack of blubberous waste?
Joey kicked a chair out next to Buddy Roman and pulled the quivering man close to him.
Buddy: Just wait, give it another mo-
Joey: That’s ALL I EVER FUCKING HEAR. ‘Give it time’ ‘Your time will come’. I heard it from Seth, I’ve been hearing it from fans, reporters, and the boys in the back are even questioning what’s wrong with this picture. Now I’m getting the exact same shit from you? I am the best talent you have and instead you continue to push that fucking joke Beckman? Where is my support, where is my advocacy? You don’t have a fuckin clue what you’re dealing with right here do you? You thought you stumbled onto an uncut diamond that you could polish, exploit and use to your own gain, get in at the entry level and let your shares in Joey Flash take you right to the top. Understand this, you are not my father, the Vapor Kings aren’t my brothers, they aren’t even my friends. They’re a jumped up, smacked up waste of talent and a man who can barely even fucking wrestle, someone who is so pre-occupied with running about with his little friends and fucking his ugly tramp bitch than concentrating on preparing for the biggest rematch in his life. Wanna know what those people are to me Buddy? I’m seeing clearer then I have in years, you, the Vapor Kings, you are nothing but liabilities to me.
I’m a man who hits the road at 4am, who hits the gym at 6…then begins his technique drills. I’m not the man sat in the back of your car saying ‘Please help me, I coulda been a contender’. I’m not a contender to fucking anything, get it straight, what’s happening on Sunday is this…
He grabs Buddy by the collar and drags him to his feet and the two men are now nose to nose.
Joey: First, I deal with Katherine Phoenix, permanently, let’s just say I’m not expecting her to be there to face me in the ring.
Second, remember that promise I made to Seth months ago that I would ruin his little Trilogy Cup? Oh wait; it’s the finals of that isn’t it? Guess fucking what, still no opportunity for Joey Flash, well Dune and Omega you’re going to be collateral damage in my statement…I’d be sorry if the both of you weren’t complete faggots.
Then we come full circle and it’s main event time. I’m going to be ringside, I’m going to be a good little team mate, I’ll cheer and I’ll support. Then that ‘biggest rematch’ that ‘biggest rivalry’ shit? Vapor Kings and Poondock Saints? I’m going to reduce all of it to ash. I am the best wrestler in the company, and it seems that as much as I show it, as much as I preach it seems like we’re dealing with deaf and blind fuckin monkeys, well I’m gonna complete the triumvirate and make ya’ll fuckin speechless by the time Aftermath is done.
If Pantheon wants to join the party I’m more willing to accommodate them too. You know, it’s taken me months to prepare for this one very moment; this is the point in WCF history where everything changes. And you…
Joey slaps Buddy across the chops and he sags back into the chair.
Joey: Just do what I tell you.
Buddy: JOSEPH! What are you thinking?!
Joey turned to leave the room and pushed the door open, stopping only to give a wide toothy smile in his manager’s direction.
Joey: I’m thinking, just how good I’m going to look with that crown.
Buddy Roman was left alone speechless himself in the small conference room. What on earth was this man thinking? This was not how things were meant to have gone down, he was supposed to be a seamless fit into this group and we were meant to conquer everything in our path. We are supposed to be a TEAM. Buddy couldn’t be angry though, far from it, Joseph was showing a fire and a desire that reminded him of himself, as concerned and nervous as he was…he had never been more proud.
Stan
We open the scene to find Joseph Flash stood in his finest tracksuit and his hair slicked back. This was one of the only times he had ever allowed himself to wear shades indoors as he stepped up the microphone in the cramped recording booth, if he were any larger he could well have gotten wedged inside. He tapped twice on the microphone
Joey: Is this shit working.
A sound tech piped up through the glass opposite with a muffled ‘Yes’. Joey held one thumb up and pulled the headphones over his ears as the beat dropped. Joey nodded along with the beat and begin to ride it in a manner reminiscent of Big L in his prime, Joey flow lit the fuckin room on FIYUH!
My style’s got old I'm wondering why I challenged you at all
The punches you throw swell up my eyes now and I can't see at all
And even if I could all I’d see is blood, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, you’re just too good, you’re just too good.
Dear JoJo, I sent you a present but you still ain't calling
I left my stained pants, my phone number and a nude inside the stockings
I sent two decapitated bunnies back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at Seth’s office or something
Sometimes I’m spasming just thinking about you when I wrote em
Fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your son?
Please make me pregnant too, I’ve got the oven, just give me the bun.
If we have a son, guess what I'ma call the man?
Let’s spite the guy who wants you dead and call him Sam!
I read about Vincenzo too, that’s the shits right at the bottom
I had a friend get killed by someone who he betrayed and then they shot him.
I know you probably hear this every day, but just thinking of you makes me live so happily,
I watched all your matches, even with Grime, what a fag is he!
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, being without you is agony
I hope you don’t read this and look on in apathy
If you didn’t love me it’d be a tragedy
You are the perfect match for me.
Love, from your number one Kathy P.
My style’s got old I'm wondering why I challenged you at all
The punches you throw swell up my eyes now and I can't see at all
And even if I could all I’d see is blood, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, you’re just too good, you’re just too good.
Dear JoJo, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you write me back
I’m not mad, if you wanted me to leave you alone just ask
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your match
you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for little Lilith
That’s my best friend we were waiting for you in a fuckin blizzard
We waited in the blistering cold for you, we even had work we shook off
ten hours and you just said, "Fuck off."
That's pretty shitty man – you’re our fucking idol.
We want to be just like you, look just like you, dress just like you
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we met in the locker room - you said if I'd write you
you would write back - see I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father, my male influence was watching the care bears ;
I’m a psychopath who needs someone holding their hand and stroking their hair
I can relate to what you're saying in your promos
so when I have a shitty day, I practice what you preach and beat up some homos
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest, I’ve got your face on both my breasts
I enjoy cutting myself to see how much it bleeds
It’s the only thing that keeps me going as I yearn for your seed
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My fiancee’s jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But Logan don't know you how I do JoJo, no one does
He doesn’t know what it was like for people like us growing up
You must come fuck me soon, lay me flat like a left from Manny P
Your love Kathy P.
My style’s got old I'm wondering why I challenged you at all
The punches you throw swell up my eyes now and I can't see at all
And even if I could all I’d see is blood, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, you’re just too good, you’re just too good.
Dear Mister I’m too good to come and impregnate me
This’ll be the last thing you ever get sent from me
It's been a week and still no word, don’t I deserve it?
I know you got my last two letters;
No crayons this time I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So these are my last words I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car doing the speed limit, pushing it to its maximum force
Even if I’m going to kill myself I still abide the laws
You know the song by Psy ‘Gangnam Style’?
about that guy who was dancing in a stable with cute horses?
Then had several random interspersed scenes from different sources?
That's not how this is, you should have just impregnated me and there would be no losses.
Now it's too late - I'm on a sugar high and I’m trying to drive
All I wanted was your sperm and I’d have been perfectly fine
I hope you know I haven’t masturbated to you in days
I love you Joey, we coulda been together in so many ways
To hold you in your arms and rock you like a little babe;
All I wanted was your sweet sticky glaze
See Joe; Shut up cunt! I'm trying to talk!
Hey Joey, that’s Logan screaming there in the trunk
but I didn’t shoot him in the face, I just tied him up, see I ain't like you
stuffed his mouth with hotdogs until he suffocates and then he'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at Toronto now, we’re about to die, I’ll see you in the next life, enjoy the wreckage, the deaths and the aftermath,
Oh shit I forgot, I’m facing you at Aftermath-
My style’s got old I'm wondering why I challenged you at all
The punches you throw swell up my eyes now and I can't see at all
And even if I could all I’d see is blood, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, you’re just too good, you’re just too good.
Dear Katherine, I meant to write you sooner but guess what you’re a cunt,
You want to be pregnant, well for anyone to fuck you would be a fuckin stunt
Look, I'm really flattered that you want my cock
but if I came within five meters of your diseased twat that shit would drop off
I'm sorry I didn’t see you after the match, I musta missed you
PSYCHE I kept you there waiting that long just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to cut yourself?
At least do it properly and die, go fuck yaself
You fucking ugly mutt, if anyone would even consider fucking you you’d be a slut
You got some issues Kathy, I think you need some therapy
or maybe a punch to ya fuckin mouth, being as ugly as you should be a felony
I really think you and Logan need each other
Maybe you need to be more loyal and treat him better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
So it destroys your fragile fucking childlike mind
I in no way want to be associated with a cunt like you bitch,
Face like leather, wizards sleeve and a general stench of shit
I seen this one legend on the news a couple weeks ago that made me so happy
Some crazy bitch on a chocolate binge, went flying off a bridge
had her fiancée in the trunk he’d been killed by choking on a sausage
When I heard such a beautiful act it made me light headed and filled with glee
When I saw the rancid broken and dead corpse of thee
fuck off Kathy P.
My style’s got old I'm wondering why I challenged you at all
The punches you throw swell up my eyes now and I can't see at all
And even if I could all I’d see is blood, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, you’re just too good, you’re just too good.
With that the song ends to raucous applause from the…one sound technician supervising the recording of the new hit single ‘FUCK THIS CRAZY FUCKIN BITCH by JOE FLOW’.
Joey: How was that shit?
Technician: I felt moved to tears.
Joey: Thanks man, I tell stories in my rhymes ya know. So here we are…
Joey takes his headphones off and begins talking down the microphone to no one in particular; the sound tech has gone for a coffee leaving the unsupervised Flash to his own devices.
Joey: It’s fight week and we’re getting geared up for this abortion of a match. Joseph Flash taking on the one and only Katherine fuckin Phoenix, I went from being the best prospect in the federation, to having the best undefeated streak to begin a career, to bodying Pantheon to losing to Grime and now I have to face you? What have I done with my life?
Joey shakes his head and sighs.
Joey: Well your time is finally here, the time you’ve been waiting for, dreaming about, fantasizing about. The time where you finally get to share some concentrated alone time with your favourite person one on one. You’ve dreamt about it many times, the handsome prince sweeping the delicate little flower of a washing girl from her life of poverty and servitude and carrying her off on his steed for them to dance into the night. What a delightful dream, I could even share in such, women should dream of such, should always want something like this to aspire to, don’t settle, chase your Prince Charming!
Unfortunately when the bell tolls to start our match, what you thought was going to be your prince will be your very own reaper going to send you six feet below whatever disgusting hole you crawled out from. This whole match is like something out of fiction in itself. Let us document how this match has been made, probably the longest most sweeping saga in the history of ridiculous WCF matches.
I’m happily on twitter, enjoying my time insulting any bitch, faggot and cunt that comes up on my screen, I was having a great time of it. Then one day I get a notification that someone called @darkphoenix has mentioned me in a tweet, I have a look to see what great fandom has arrived, I get it on the regular. I clicked ‘Open’ and saw this:
“@darkphoenix via Twitlonger
Lil Joey you taking some time off due to realizing how much you suck and how much of a failure you are... Is really bringing tears to my eyes. It's like watching a baby bird fall out of its nest and then saving itself from certain death by learning how to fly just in time. It's really just beautiful I have to say. I hope your impending depression doesn't get to you so much that you end up doing something really stupid, Joey. That would just break my heart. Get better soon, Joey. Keep your spirits up... You won't always be awful. And if you are it's not the end of the world, I'm sure you'd get invited to join that Panasonic group with the rest of those losers. #GetBetterSoon”
My jaw dropped, who and what was this person? So I happily replied and found out to much glee I finally had a sparring partner on the internet, so I do what any self-respecting man does at this point to overwhelm a dumb bitch that is borderline unintelligible and such an easy target for any and every insult…
Her twitter feed turned from the most turgid rubbish in the entire federation, and this is a place where Pantheon still exist, so saying a lot, into the most marvellous thing since the birth of Joey Flash. This tale however then takes a turn for the worse, a lot darker, as this bitch then decides that rather than enjoy continuing the unwinnable war against cute animals and the hot fire I’m laying down, she starts to *gasp* go along with it. Not only go along with it, she adopted that shit quicker than Brad and Angie with a Nigerian newborn. This shit turned quickly from ‘love of cute animals’ to ‘incessant stalking and pursuing of Joey Flash’ almost in the flick of a switch, even Glenn Close would be lockin her fuckin doors if you were about ya fuckin psycho.
So the story continues from there, we end up fighting once and teaming once, and now we end up here. A WCF story at it’s finest, let’s keep it 100, you didn’t earn this match by the slightest amount, this isn’t going to be the match that you dreamed of, it’s gonna be the beating you fuckin deserve. I gotta give you props though; you garnered all your interest and all of your WCF fame from one thing…the internet. You’ve proved absolutely nothing in that squared circle, everything that people know of you, care about you or think of you comes from the internet, and you talk a bigger game than Vin Scully. ICE Beckman got his big rematch from whining on the net, maybe there’s something to this shit. He however has a long body of work that proves that he at least has the right to talk that shit, you got this match from nothing to do with skill, talent or accomplishment but from your constant incessant relentlessly terrible shit talking, all of this fucking hassle could have just been averted if I would have just hit the ‘Block’ button rather than ‘Reply’. That’s one mistake I wish I could go back and alter, Jesus, you’re the most annoying shit to pop up on the internet since ‘Live Jasmin’.
The sound technician has returned and sipping his coffee while listening intently to Joey’s rant.
Joey: Uh, hello.
Technician: I’m still recording.
Joey: Hey, shit, use this as a fuckin skit or something.
Technician: A…skit?
Joey: I dunno, I like it, keep shit rolling. We goin hard.
Joey pulls the mic closer and begins once more.
Joey: ‘Ducky Flash’
Joey applauds.
Joey: This shit needs to be deaded right quick; I got that NES light gun at the ready for that little motherfucker. Here is a joke; you are talking to an imaginary duck…that’s the joke. What kind of ridiculous shit are you trying to pull on us here Kathy? Is this legit, like you actually see a waddling little bastard who follows you around and talks to you? What does he do? What does he say? Does he jump? Does he swim? Does he eat grapes? Does he waddle away? Does he provide comfort for an otherwise scrambled mind that is trying to cling to whatever sanity it has left in this world by creating the mental crutch of a fluffy cute adorable little ducky that affirms your inner thoughts and feelings because you are too numb to express them yourself?
Fuck outta here, you are known for two things in this federation, stalking Joey Flash and being the one Joey Flash began spamming with cute animals to shut their ridiculous rambling up. So what does the genius subconscious of Kathy P do, the same genius subconscious that brought us the abortion of a persona that was Lilith, this little Einstein melds both Joey Flash and the cute duck that I used on the net into one ridiculous new persona inside her already ravaged psyche. This bitch has more faces than Harvey Dent; well I’ll take that face off like John and Nick and revealed the scared little princess inside. The same princess that finds the likes of Eve Vega so insulting, is it because of some genuine rage toward her? Or is it self-esteem and self-loathing issues? They have everything that you ever wanted, whereas Eve Vega may very well get her Prince Charming one day and live in the magical castle the only thing you will get is a padded room and morning doses of happiness in capsules that make your friend Ducky Flash disappear for good. I’m not going to play with you, I’m going to fucking break you, and I’m going bring everything you know crashing around you. I’m going to pull the veil that you’re hiding your own feelings with straight from across that ugly mug. I’m going to destroy this princess’s world right in front of her eyes like Alderaan.
The technician whoops and claps once more.
Technician: Damn you killin it, GO IN NIGGA.
Joey: So bitch, what’s going to be your game plan here? You have no possible way to defeat me, you are the weakest of the weak, you are charmin ultra soft. You have absolutely nothing for me in that ring except a warm body for me to torture for five minutes…or however long you fuckin last. This isn’t even going to be a contest, this is the closest thing to a one sided slaughter you are ever going to experience. Lap it up, tell ‘Ducky’ to get a ringside seat so he can feel himself getting beaten out of existence by the blunt force trauma that’s going to be running up and down ya head.
You’re finished, this shit is over. The only words you will ever speak to me after this will be ‘Yes sir’ and ‘No sir’. You’re not even worth a bodybag, I’m gonna chuck you into a shallow grave, piss on that motherfucker and leave a sign saying ‘She died as she lived, in a ditch like the pathetic cunt she was’.
Joey motions ‘IT’S OVER’ with his arms and the tech stands and applauds once more.
Technician: That was beautiful bro, really fuckin beautiful.
Joey bows and soaks in the adulation of the one person who will ever likely hear that terrible song of his.
Joey: Now that is a #1 hit right there.
What can change the nature of a man?
Joey Flash removed the sunglasses as he stepped outside, a counter-productive action as he found himself blinded by the glare of the ball in the sky. He began his walk to the gym and thought to himself ‘the time was almost here’. He had said too much to Buddy Roman, but his plans were far beyond anything Buddy could comprehend at this time, he only hoped the fat man would do what Joey had asked of him when the time came. Aftermath was an opportunity he simply could not miss. His only concern was if Pantheon were to get involved, but Buddy Roman had assured him that issue would not be a problem. Nonetheless, Pantheon may be a...complication he had to deal with, he was ready.
Odin Balfore
Kaz Mazy
Bobby Cairo
…
Zombie McMorris
Natural ICE Beckman.
…
The WCF World Heavyweight Championship.
The X’s had been well and truly marked and Joey was almost salivating at the prospect. The actors were all about to take the stage and Joey was about to feast, all the planning, all the ridicule and the bullshit he had endured. He licked his lips.
'I will reduce it all to ash'
