The Vapor Emperor
Apr 9, 2015 18:11:11 GMT -5
Odin Balfore, Natural ICE Beckman, and 2 more like this
Post by Joey Flash on Apr 9, 2015 18:11:11 GMT -5
Bow down to the king
Joey Flash was lord and emperor of all he surveyed. The liquor was flowing, the music was bumpin and the bitches were grinding, this was his welcome party. Buddy Roman had gone through the efforts to commemorate this milestone occasion in WCF history by hiring the penthouse floor of his lost son Steven Orbit’s club Nevada Sky for this celebration. What started off as an A-List only guest list got a lot less selective as the night went on, from shirt and tie only to ‘You’re wearing clothes? Come on in!’ in a matter of hours. The ambient moonlight filtered through the skylight windows and made one hell of a contrast with the flashing strobe lighting and the smoky haze drifting through the room.
The figure of Joseph fucking Flash stalked the top of the dance floor and he found his way to his place on a raised platform at the head of the room where, just for him, sat a large golden throne. He descended as regally as one can when loaded with half a bottle of rum and plonked on the throne. The music stopped in tandem with his seating, much to the displeasure of all the fun loving party goers. The lights all dimmed and once more a single spotlight was focused on Flash, alone. He raised his hands to the crowd in an effort to quell the crowd, and they responded by summarily shutting the fuck up.
A smile crept across Joey’s delicate features, this was more like it.
Joey: Can you dig iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit?!
The crowd cheered, Joey smiled.
Joey: It’s been a long time, it’s been too long. Do you know, do you know just hard this has been for me the past few weeks? Just how mind bogglingly hard it has been? It’s been so hard to be…normal, to be…nice. I’ve tried everything these past weeks to help sort my mind out, from counselling to medication to even trying to be helpful and friendly to people. I jumped in at XIII when someone was needed, I helped Seth Lerch, I tried to help Occulo, I’ve been in multiple tag matches and I’ve done my god damned best to help my teammates take home the win, but nothing worked. Every day I would just go home and continue in my cycle of endless sadness and depression, what kind of life is that? I’ve been spending my free time playing with animals and watching cute videos on YouTube, I would spend days doing that, even weeks. It had gotten to the stage I would rather do that than engage in coitus. In matches I didn’t care if I won or if I lost, I didn’t care how I performed or if I put on a show, my pride disappeared and I spat on my own talent and legacy.
I was at a dead end; I didn’t know what to do, where to turn or how to act. I was even contemplating just walking away, y’know how hard that is? It’s pitiful. Then by sheer chance I’m given a sign, maybe it’s a sign, maybe it’s divine will, who knows?
All the medication in the world, all the professional help and you wanna know what the simplest thing was, the simplest single thing that turned me from a life of a gibbering worthless borerline mid carder was? Don’t try to be something you aren’t, don’t pander, don’t go by anyone else’s standards of what you need to be to make yourself happy, you know what makes yourself happy Joey, so Nike it up, just do it. So what changed? I decided to just be my fucking self, embrace the fucking hate.
The crowd go wild, booze flies, tits bounce and shit gets crunk once more. As the crowd gets back into the party spirit, Joey ain’t even close to stopping and that once fearsome fire is coming like the ether that threatens to eviscerate all in its path.
Joey: So what’s up you fucking cuntbags? I’m back, I’m back and it’s with a vengeance so heavy God himself would go runnin for whatever cloudy hills he has wherever the fuck the he is. Let’s get down to fuckin business right quick, Joey Flash is a Vapor King.
I know, fucked up right? This is a direct quote from one Joseph Flash regarding The Vapor Kings:
“I’ve been here what, one week? Aight. So not long, I have absolutely no idea how you set of jokers managed to get the stranglehold on all the top spots here. Truly baffles the mind. You’ve either had it easy or gotten very lucky. All these new wrestlers here trying to make nice, trying to build shit, I’m here for all of your heads; I’m here to kill shit.”
Wanna know what I learned in my time here since then? I was one hundred percent absolutely fuckin correct, Joeystradamus up in this bitch. I killed shit. The one thing I didn’t expect though is that The Vapor Kings truly have had it easy, mainly because every other cunt in this federation is absolute dogshit. Don’t get it twisted for one single second; I didn’t join this group because of any form of ambition, inadequacy, doubt or need for a ‘family’, whatever Buddy tells you. I didn’t join because I was doubting myself or because I had no direction or drive. I joined for one simple reason, good booze and a shit tonne of hard drugs.
The crowd cheers.
Joey: As dominant as The Vapor Kings have been in my time here, they could have been, should have been so much more. Let’s not twist shit, ICE is a beast and was deservedly the wrestler of the year in 2014 and Z-Mac is one of the toughest motherfuckers in the whole of the WCF, Buddy Roman is a great mind that managed to take three talents like ICE, Z-Mac and Orbit to the top of the federation and kept them there for the majority of the year. The thing that they have been lacking, the thing that has been vacant from this group has been one thing, that small thing that will help jump a stable from ‘dominant’ to ‘unfuckwithabble’ like, oh I dunno, the greatest wrestler in the whole fuckin company. The Vapor Kings and Joey Flash, two juggernauts floating in the sea of purgatory without a direction or a purpose, like passing ships in the night I guess these things just…find a way.
The crowd cheers even louder.
Joey: So, I hop the fuck on board. Fuck senority and fuck accomplishments, this ship is mine, I’m its captain and it’s figurehead from here on. I’m the man who will take The Vapor Kings from a dying team to a fucking dynasty. Ladies and gentlemen, raise a toast, The Emperor of the Vapor Kings has taken his throne. Mr Joseph Flash!
The crowd whoops, cheers and celebrates.
Joey: It’s not only personal gain and glory I’m here for, of all the humans in this shitshow, ICE, Zombie and Roman are the only three to have a degree of class and common fuckin sense about them. Talent enough to reign over this place and very nice gentlemen to boot, I said last week that your friends need to be able to survive on your level, well these guys probably still can’t but they’re the closest we’ll find in this place. Here’s to you brothers, we’re here for business and pleasure and we’re taking this place over, for good this time.
Fuck this feels good, time to take care of some shit.
#1 Occulo, be seeing you on Slam. We got some business friend.
#2 Grime, you’re a cunt, anyone associated with you is a cunt. I fucked your bike up, but that was me being nice. For what’s coming next you need to bring a fucking army. Tell Ozzy Osborne, 8-Ball, Greg Maddux and whoever the fuck that The Vapor Kings are coming, disrespect doesn’t fly on our watch, maybe I’ll fuck about and give your lovely Brittany a good old kick round the disfigured face for her troubles, worthless fuckin dyke.
We run this bad guy shit, you’re a guppy dropped into an ocean of sharks and you’re encroaching mighty fine on our territory, I fucked with you a lil at Explosion, we gonna fuck with you a lot at Slam. Ciao bella.
#3 Seth, Thomas Uriel Bates has a world title shot. What in ever loving fuck are you doing? See this is getting my blood boiling in all the right places, my dick is hardening with the hate I got for you right now you motherfucker. I slogged and slaved away, I pushed the issue, I made my case with my performances in the ring, out of the ring, around the ring, up your fucking ring, and I had the single most impressive debut streak in WCF history. I crushed everything thrown in front of me and I did it happily, I paid my dues, that’s wrestling right? So Seth, apple of my cock, please riddle me this, how in holy fuck has this guy managed to get this opportunity right now? You think if Joey Flash wins that match at Explosion he gets to enjoy killing that fool Cairo right now? Nah we ain’t on that ‘Get what you deserve’ tip, we on that ‘Let’s stick it to our greatest talent’ tip. You want Pantheon dealt with? Nah fuck that, we ain’t on that ‘Help Seth tip’ we’re on that ‘Make life hell for that pencil necked cocksucker’ tip.
The contenders for the WCF World Title are thus: #1 Joey Flash, #2 Natural ICE Beckman, #3 Zombie McMorris, #4 A cardboard cut-out of Steve Orbit, #5 Buddy Roman, but I guess we expect to be seeing Gemini Battle and Dark Prince as the next contenders at this rate. Kill yaself Seth ya queer, before we do it for you.
The Walking Wasted
The WCF People’s title lay proud on the table furthest away from the bar, the full spectrum of strobe lights bouncing of the glistening gold of the title it created a mini rainbow symbolising the pride of the title. It sat there in true majesty as the two men looked over it.
Zombie: Do the fucking honours Flash.
Joey looked as his new team mate, his new brother. Zombie McMorris punched him in the arm as his yellow grin spread from ear to ear as he nodded his shaggy matted hair in affirmation. Joey needed no such encouragement and in one fell swoop snorted the line of pure white china right off that fuckin belt. Joey threw this head back in delight with a whoop and punched ZMac straight back.
Joey: Fuck this shit, what else motherfucker.
McMorris smiled and shoved a dancing guest to the floor, following with a punt straight in the guy’s gurning fuckin face. Joey grabbed the same guy up by his hair and lobbed him straight over the table that held the People’s title.
Zombie: Next.
ZMAC shot him another grin as Joey kicked the WCF People’s title disrespectfully back into his hands. He led Joey through the sea of people until they reached the bathroom, or more the queue for the bathroom.
Zombie: Here’s what we Vapor Kings do when we have to wai-
Before ZMAC could even get his words out Joey had already smashed one guy’s face into a wall. A second guy turned around in drunken courage.
Drunken Faggot: What’s your fuckin-
Upon seeing the frothing Honey Badger and the beautiful little guido the guy turned tail and tried to run right fast, but the poor guy was going nowhere…but to fuckin sleep as Joey planted a beautiful left hook right on his kisser. The remainder of the queue quickly dispersed as the two men entered the bathroom. The place was as nice as a shitter could be, minus the people. The two men quickly ended any such wait by beating the shit out of the poor people trying to enjoy a nice relaxing piss…then beat the piss out of the guys trying to enjoy a nice relaxing shit. Both men took a stall each and plonked down onto their respective porcelain thrones.
Zombie: Flash, take this.
Joey looked to see a calloused hand holding a small bag of the white girl. Joey got that shit up his shnozz right quick. The two men sat for a few seconds separated by only a thin wall of plastic.
Joey: What do I call you?
Zombie: What the fuck you mean?
Joey: Like what do I call you, Zombie, McMorris, ZMAC, Honey Badger, what do you prefer?
Zombie: What the fuck you talking about, who cares?
Joey: I’d care.
Zombie: Suck a dick.
Joey: ZMAC it is.
ZMAC: Joey.
Joey: Yeah, see that’s a cool name right?
ZMAC: No. You sound like a cunt.
Joey: Is that wrong?
ZMAC: Nope…Joey.
Joey: Fucking what?
ZMAC: You’ll do.
Joey: Huh?
ZMAC: You’re not black enough to be Orbit, but you’ll do.
Joey: Well thank fucking you, I wasn’t asking for your blessing, but thanks all the same.
ZMAC: Motherfucker, listen I get that cunt Lilith and Logan but why you got us facing this Gemini Battle nig again?
Joey: Well, I technically didn’t beat him last week.
ZMAC: WHO FUCKING CARES? HE’S A BUM. FUCK FUCKING SETH. Where is he?!
We hear the cubicle door slam open and a ranting Zombie McMorris go storming out of the bathroom screaming for finding ‘Seth’s head’. Joey laughed and slumped his head forward into his hands. Why WAS he facing this Gemini battle nig again?
Joey: Why the fuck am I having to go through this over and over a fucking gain? I’m living in an endless loop fighting this cocksucker time and time again. I’m trapped in a groundhog day of bland promos and uninspiring words, how do I escape?
A voice pipes up from outside the cubicle as a titanic stream of urine crashes in a beautiful cascade against a urinal.
The Amazing Pissing Man: In your situation I would make light of it by drawing some shit about them, that tends to help me.
Joey: What the fuck?
The Amazing Pissing Artist: Yeah dude, just picture the guy you’re talking about and then think of some funny shit to say, it works.
Joey: What on earth, fuck off I’m not talking to you.
The Amazing Pissing Artist: See you out there in five; I’ll buy you a drink brother.
Joey thought carefully at the man’s words, completely oblivious to the fact his team mate was just in the room with him. He thought long and hard.
Joey: Nah, not my style. Gemini Battle you fuckin twat. Why do I have to fight you? I’m getting sick to death of seeing your annoying clown lookin face across the ring from me, shit maybe I’d be okay with it if it were every other week, but every week it’s getting a bit sickly. No bullshit and no fuckin around. Let us compare accomplishments.
Win Television Title in their second match in the federation…that was me.
Defeat the reigning US Champion in the most heated feud of the final quarter of last year…that was me.
Have the greatest debut streak in WCF history…that was me.
Was the greatest Television champion in WCF history…that was me.
Ended the careers of multiple wrestlers here…that was me.
Joined and became newly self-appointed leader, demagogue and all round god of the greatest stable in professional wrestling…that was me.
Woke up a pathetic ugly, disfigured loner, so ugly he could cockblock in a brothel who for all his wealth in life will never have a fulfilling career in or out of the ring and will die alone…yeah, that was you.
Why are you even in this match? You’re the odd man out by a long fuckin shot. You’re the one person in this match that nobody cares about, you don’t belong and you certainly ain’t gonna cause anything close to an upset in this match. On your best day you couldn’t hang with any of us on our worst. I’d back Buddy Roman in a fistfight against you ya faggot. So how about you do the whole world a favour, do what everyone wants from you in this federation and just…fuck off.
No one is watching for your future appearances, wanna know what you’ll never hear anybody say ‘When is Gemini Battle coming on TV?!’ You’re a fucking void in an otherwise exciting match, I have to carry your ass to another classic, it’s sickening. I don’t know what your mindset is going into this, but I dread to think, surely even someone like you needs to know that this match is over already, right? There is not a thing that you or anyone on your team can do to overturn the certainty of my Vapor Kings debut being nothing more than straight up domination. It’s what we do.
This is the night I finally rid myself of anything Gemini Battle related for the rest of my WCF career, I’m getting rid of this cancer to my wrestling life on Sunday night. That chemo coming by way of a Sudden Flash right to ya chops, down goes Gemini, down goes Gemini, down goes Gemini. I never want to see you in a ring with me after I’m done, and after I’m done? You’re going to want to be as far away from sharing a ring with me that you can possibly be. I’m not even threatening now, I’m fuckin promising, you’re gonna get yours cocksucker.
Zip him up.
With that Joey Flash was more buzzing than Muhammad Ali playing Operation, time to party once more.
Two men, one bar
The room was more sparsely populated than Joey remembered before he went to the bathroom. A trail of bodies and broken furniture seemed to lead toward the stairs that took you to the rooftop, well finding a Zombie wouldn’t be hard.
The Amazing Pissing Artist: Hey man, let’s get shitfaced.
Joey turned to see the disembodied voice finally given form in the guise of the former WCF World Champion Natural ICE Beckman, his hair flopping as drunkenly as his inebriated penis likely would later. He approached Beckman to find ten empty pint glasses already in front of the man, with three new full glasses already prepared in front of him, the barman was looking in awe at the hulking man with more tolerance for booze than Jesus had for the Jewish.
Joey: Sup mothafucka.
The two men shared a look for a while and Beckman turned toward the barman, who flinched at the very gaze.
ICE: Two shots of cognac, two Jaegerbombs, two pints of Guinness and a Mai Tai.
The bartender quickly hurried the order, plopping the drinks down in front of ICE.
ICE: The fuck you doing? They’re his.
He pointed to Joey. The barman moved all the drinks toward Joey until ICE caught his hand.
ICE: Except this one, this is mine.
Beckman had a quick scan of the room that no one was watching and began sipping on his Mai Tai.
Joey: On you yeah?
ICE: On the bar, but yeah, I got it.
Joey: It’d be rude not to right?
ICE’s grin grew as Joey necked both shots, both bombs and hastily downed the frothy black creamy delight of Ireland.
ICE: Yeah, he was right, you’ll do.
Joey slumped next to Beckman at the bar and the two men shook hands.
Joey: You know…I wanted to fuckin destroy you.
Beckman nearly spilled his precious Mai Tai.
Joey: You were my number one target and goal in this place since the day I arrived, you were the top dog here for so long, I thought about nothing but how badly I wanted to kill you in that ring, take ya fuckin belt and make the world know just how good I was.
Beckman looked uncomfortably at Joey.
ICE: And now?
Joey: You lost to Bobby Cairo and I lost to Grime, we both fucking suck.
Both men shared a laugh…
ICE/Joey: Lucky cunts.
..and a smile.
ICE: I was wondering myself for a while, the ICE AGE ended and I wondered where the fuck we go from here…
Joey: Where the fuck do you think, right to the top of the fucking mountain.
ICE: My exact conclusion. Now we have the three best wrestlers in the entire WCF, this shit is about to get messy-
ICE is interrupted by a pat on the back, standing behind him is a small bespectacled nerdy looking dude with a pen and a pad. ICE panics and not wanting to seem any less of a fuckin badass immediately smashes the Mai Tai to the floor and shouts toward the bartender.
ICE: Motherfucker! I said get me a beer…in a dirty glass!
ICE turns to Joey with a ‘phew’ and then to the nerdy looking dude.
Four Eyes: Hello Mr Beckman sir, I was wondering if I could get an autograph?
ICE: No but you can get my brother’s autograph instead.
The fan turned to see a drunken dribbling mess that is Joey Flash.
Four Eyes: I didn’t realise you had a retarded brother.
ICE: Uhh- you’re going to die.
Four Eyes: What do you mean?
Joey grabs Four Eyes by the throat and smiles.
Joey: He was right, you’re gonna die.
Joey smashes the nerdy bastard face first into his knee, and then throws him against the bar before both men begin putting the boots to the geeky cunt. He quickly fades into a pummeled state of crimson unconsciousness and both Vapor Kings return back to their drinks.
ICE: Does this happen often with you?
Joey: Yep.
ICE: Me too.
The two men clink glasses.
Joey: You lookin forward to Sunday?
ICE: Does The Pope shit in the woods? Fuck yeah, we’re gonna annihilate this shit. Trio’s cup is ours already brother.
Joey: I’m fuckin salivating. Hey barkeep.
The bartender approaches.
Joey: Do you like Logan?
Idiot Bartender: Well yes-
ICE: Wrong answer.
Joey smashes one of the empty glasses over the poor barkeeps noggin.
Joey: Well shit.
ICE: I got this.
ICE hops over the bar as graceful as someone fifteen or so drinks in could, so like a pig trying to high jump. Beckman crashes through all the glasses on the table and plops to the other side before popping up with a couple of bottles of beer from the fridge.
Joey: So we’re also taking on someone with about five times more accolades in this place than our team put together…probably twice as many accolades as any other wrestler in the whole history of this place not called Corey Black, what happened when I faced that guy?
Joey smiled.
Joey: Oh right. So what’s up Logan you fuckin cocksucker let’s get it poppin. You really had that poor kid Mayhem fooled. You treated that poor bastard than Bobby treated Whitney; you give him that Joe Jackson treatment in the worst kinda way. You killed your kid with no remorse on that Marvin Gaye tip. It would have made me sad, it would have maybe even made me cry, seeing all the trust and the faith he had put in you to help him progress in this federation all go up in flames in one night, it would have made me sad if it wasn’t so fuckin funny.
You earned my respect for such a beautiful act, it made me cry tears of fuckin happiness. It’s almost a shame I gotta snuff you on Sunday…nah actually it’s gonna make it ten times more fun. You play my game Logan, you play it to a fuckin tee, see whereas you’re the standard game on Normal, I’m that shit on Beastmode you can only beat with a cheat code.
ICE hands a couple more drinks to Joey and the pair down that shit like the mothafuckin bosses they are.
You’re a legend here, same way George Mikan is a legend in the NBA, you could do shit when there was no diversity, real talent or athletic ability but now you’re just a worthless piece of shit floating wherever the current takes him. You don’t fool me for one second you’re some kind of mastermind whose great multi-month plot led him to the grand end of…fucking over a mid-tier wrestler. Good job Mr Treachery! Ya fuckin idiot.
You’re a whimsical buffoon who turns tail at the first sniff of pussy he had in years, you’d do hard jail time for just one lick of Lilith’s disgusting piss flaps.
‘Logie shoot up that store’
‘Logie rape that seal’
‘Logie let me sodomize you with a kumquat’
Maybe try this one on for size
‘Logie stop being such a pathetic perpetual loser who no longer has any relevance in the current landscape of the federation. Maybe stop following me around like a little puppy dog and doing exactly what I want of you, maybe you can finally be free of whatever labels and precursors people think of you and you can actually exist as a happy person…babygurl’
That shit ain’t happenin though. You’re a delusional faggot who thinks they’re playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers. Bitch, we’re playing pool and you’ve just leapt off a fuckin diving board. As I was saying man, you fooled absolutely no one with your little shtick, you had nothing left as a personality, a character or a wrestler so you reverted back to the cheapest of the cheap and tried for the laughs and the applause, fuckin clown, you know you can’t hang anymore so why not have some fun with it. You and Marc were made for each other and it was plain to see that was where your true talents lie; now you’re going to be a person who can no longer hang as well as having absolutely no fun, unless you count getting ya head caved in by The Vapor Kings particularly pleasing.
Now you’re degrading yourself by bringing that sket Katherine, Lillith whatever the fuck, Killith, round as your valet. Is the other way round Logan? It seems that since this bitch has come back you’ve thrown your hotdog away, tucked your cock between your legs and become the bitch we all know and love once more. Who you gonna blame when we zip you up like no one ever has before on Slam? Is it that no-mark Gemini’s fault? Is it Killith? Maybe that dastardly Marc Mayhem will have some revenge served red hot for your wack ass. Who the fuck knows, I know whose fault it’s gonna be though, yours. You are the WCF Hall of Famer and possess one of the greatest careers ever put to paper in this federation, so it’s all on your shoulders to carry this team to progress and to victory. If you get thrashed and treated like the whelps you are people ain’t gonna think ‘Oh that Gemini could have done more’ and be fucked if someone’s blaming a woman. So Mr Treachery this all falls onto you, funny that the most untrustworthy motherfucker in the entire company is the person who needs the most trust from his team mates to save them from a routine slaughtering. We grinding the blades at the abattoir and you’re getting lined right on up, you have two options:
1) Guide the cattle into the shed and leave them to their fate
Or
2) Follow like a good little boy and follow Battle and bitchtits straight into become food for our plates.
There is no third option here; there is no ‘Victory’ outcome in this scenario, you won’t catch us slipping like you caught Marcy Marc. The Vapor Kings are going to turn your retarded brains to mush, nah fuck that, Joey Flash is turning your brains to mush. You pathetic, worthless, ineffectual bastard, you’ve been in the ring with people from pretty much day one in this federation and yet not a one comes close, I’m beyond anything you’ve ever seen before and beyond anything you’re gonna see since. See the sad thing that’s the case in the matchup, is if by some miracle you three could hang with me 3v1, stood right alongside me is the only other person in the federation who can lace my boots.
ICE flips Flash off.
ICE: Bitch shut up.
Joey: I’m talking, have another drink.
ICE: Ahh yeah, I forgot, I’m not drinking.
ICE downs another beer.
Joey: And next to him is the unbeatable, unkillable, shit talkin, big cockin, deep in yo bitch monster Zombie Mc-
ICE: He’s on the fucking roof!
Joey turns round as the hundred or so patrons left in the bar to see through the skylight that on the ledge of the roof Zombie McMorris tightrope walking the ledge off the edge of the building, he is mumbling to himself interlaced with his shouting ‘FUCKING SETH, WHERE ARE YA?!’. Flash and ICE look at each other, grab a couple of bottles each and hurry up the stairs to join in the fun…falcon punching anyone who so much as looks in their godlike direction.
Kill yaself
Staring across the night sky the world was abuzz with life, lights, fights and emotion ran deep in the city tonight as Buddy Roman was finally enjoying life once more. He had built this empire once, but this time…this time it would rise to be even stronger than the last, like a Lilith from the ashes. His family was all here, save for the two Stevens. Black Steven was AWOL and White Steven had a mild tummyache after consuming two beers, but still, it was feeling a hell of a lot more like home. He turned to see his client Zombie McMorris ranting and raving to himself at the edge of the building. Ahh what a role model, Buddy smiled to himself. His attention turned to the stairs leading to the roof as he heard two familiar voices getting ever closer.
Joey: Stupid fucker is gonna fall.
ICE: Nah, he’s got great balance.
With that the unmistakable Joey Flash and Natural ICE Beckman appear from below double fistin dat cold brewski.
Buddy: Ahh children welcome.
ICE: Hello father.
Joey: I am not calling you father.
Buddy: In good time, child.
Joey: Fuckin shut up with that! Yo what the fuck is ZMAC doing?
Buddy: Ahh, I can tell, he is simply visiting his meditation state right now.
His meditation state involved clearly snorting copious amounts of coke, taking acid and walking on the roofs of twenty story clubs.
Joey: Hey Buddy, you know much about Lilith?
Buddy: Lilith?
ZMAC: FUCKING STUPID CUNT.
ICE: Yeah she was Sarah Twilight’s imaginary friend/lover or some shit.
Joey: So…how is she Katherine Phoenix?
ICE: How the fuck should I know?
Joey: …and how was it a surprise that it was it the same person, if y’know…we saw their fuckin face on TV about five times prior?
ZMAC: THE WONDERS OF FUCKING HD!
Joey: Aight, but all I have on this bitch is she is fucking Grade A psychopath with stalking/lesbian/fangirl/general wacko tendencies.
Buddy: My son, what a quick learner you are.
Joey: Will you fuckin shut it.
ICE: Yeah that’s probably what her bio on WCF.com says.
Joey: So…
ICE: Just run with it.
Joey: Aight fine. What up you psycho cunt? Lilith, Krusty Kathy Kunthead. Whatever the fuck, first things first fuckhead, you’re my first female opponent…like ever. Now how should I deal with this obstacle, let me poll the group. Should I…
a) Be gentlemanly and refuse to fight such a dainty specimen.
b) Kick her in the cunt.
ZMAC: FUCKING ANNIHILATE HER PUSSY!
ICE: I’m going to break that bitch’s neck.
Buddy: I’m so proud of you all now.
Joey: Good, you guys will do. This bitch is one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen since I’ve been here…
He glances around the rooftop.
Joey: and that’s saying a lot. You make your debut not in a wrestling ring, not in a promo, not in any wrestling based guise oh no this bitch popped on fuckin twitter. Yep that’s a way to make an impact ya daft bitch, make a post only maybe ten people in the world will see threatening the likes of Reginald Dampshaw rather than making a statement on live television and really announcing your arrival. I guess it’s fitting though given how pathetic your WCF career has been so far, your achievements amount to a screwjob victory over Marc Mayhem, woohoo where da yoohoo?! So you’ve done nothing but talk on twitter and get a victory cos ya what, ya fiancé took pity on you and fleeced his little protégé? Great career so far, shame Orbit ain’t here to introduce you to a career more fitting for someone of your mental capacity, though being an ugly whale won’t help that much, might just have to throw you in the refuse pile.
So we now discuss what the fuck you are, another multi choice quiz. We full of this shit today.
1) Sarah Twilight’s happy go lucky oddball with attachment issues who somehow happens to have Logan wrapped round her cunthairs.
2) An overly aggressive bitch who threatens every person she ever meets, your mother says ‘Love you’, you say ‘Fuck you!’
Pick a side ya spastic, you runnin with that multiple personality shit? Well all your multiple personalities are shit; you have no redeeming features about you. It would help if you weren’t an ugly bitch then we could maybe let shit slide. I’ve had many crazy hot bitches, but crazy butt ugly is another animal entirely, the animal in case you’re wondering, pig.
You seem to have singled me out since the day you arrived here, I thought to myself ‘Shit here’s another stupid bitch I get to string along for a while, use em and lose em’ but fuckin hell you ended that possibility right quick you weird stalking queef. Joey Flash is here…so is Kathy, Joey Flash is there…so is Kathy. If I died tomorrow you would jump into the coffin at the wake, ‘NOW WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER’.
Bitch hop off my dick, I got two things for you. Right fist, left fist, hell maybe after our match I’ll even be kind to you, you’ve proven to be a dedicated Joey Flash fan. I’ll let you get dressed up, get those heels and stockings on, we like those, nah we love those. I’ll call you and tell you we got a reservation, all suave like. Book a table for three, just you, me, and my fist jammed in the fuckin place you pee. What does Logan think about all this? How does his treacherous little mind process the fact that every time he’s balls deep inside you the only image you’re thinking of is of Joey fuckin Flash? Every time you touch him is a betrayal to supposed betrothal the pair of you share. You spend more time stalking me on twitter than with him, I daresay you’ve been typing away on ya phone while gargling his spunk. You two have the most bizarre relationship I’ve ever seen in this federation…
Joey looks at ICE
Joey: Except this cunt and that blue haired bitch. Anyhow, how has this shit worked out? Are you some kind of succubus that enslaves the minds of the middle aged and impotent? That has already worked with Logan and will probably work wonders with Gemini Battle but The Vapor Kings? That shit ridiculous. I dunno what the deal is, maybe all this is another ruse by Logan, not that the fucker is smart enough for it, certainly not with some guaranteed poon at the end of the rainbow. Maybe he’s acting like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, just trying to give a whore a better life.
Bitch I was there at your match as Explosion, shit was ridiculous, when Chelsea appears we’ve got all sorts of chants, as much as I rip ICE she fine. You though it was stone cold silence, like a cold tundra in that bitch. For Chelsea people were screaming ‘Show me your tits!’ for you they were screaming ‘Show me your…uhh…personality!’ You shouted SHUT UP TELL ME SOMETHING I HAVEN’T HEARD BEFORE!!!!
A guy shouted ‘You’re pretty’.
Listen KILLITH you fuckin cunt, you’re the worst of the worst in this federation, I ain’t talkin attitude cos that’s the one thing you’ve got going for you I can enjoy, but your application, your fortitude, your wrestling ability is straight shit. You’re a weak pathetic bitch who can hang with approximately Adam Young % of the federation. You’re stepping from your comfort zone in ‘happy land’ straight into hell with The Vapor Kings, you have absolutely no idea what you’re getting yourself into. I’ve unzipped that bodybag and you’re jumping straight into it legs akimbo shouting ‘Take me Joey, take me now!’…and I’m zipping that bag shut right quick.
You got engaged to a guy who actively states ‘I will betray every person who thinks I like or love them’. Way to go girl! You know how to pick em, in a year you’ll be running to your mother crying ‘I never thought he’d cheat on me, burn my house down and laugh maniacally at my pain!’ That shows exactly where your head is for this match. You ended up here through sheer chance, you haven’t earned shit, you have barely performed here. Every single active wrestler in this company deserves the spot above you and yet somehow you’re here. Well bitch you’re going to learn first hand what it takes to compete at this level, a level you strive for, a level you’ll never reach, the level of The Vapor Kings, the level of Joey Flash.
I could be kind to you, let you just suck my dick and be happy with it, but I’d rather cave your fuckin head in…and be ecstatic with it.
You’re finished, bitch.
Both Buddy Roman and Natural ICE Beckman are transfixed on Joey.
ICE: Wow, that was cool.
Buddy: Unbelievable, that woman is almost certain to be throwing herself down a set of stairs in a life hating sorrow. Rest in Peace Lilith!
ICE: Fuck that bitch.
ZMAC: I WOULD FUCK HER COLD DEAD CORPSE.
Buddy Roman clears his throat and looks at his family.
Buddy: Anyway, it is good you are here, I am glad to have the three of you attentively heeding my words with awe and reverence…
Zombie McMorris is still tightrope walking the edge of the building while ICE and Flash are enjoying a mock fight while still drinking the fine ale.
Buddy: As I was saying, my children are here and we are ready. It has been a long time coming but we are finally ready to begin our assault on the WCF. It makes me sad seeing how times have changed here, I have sat back and observed at how the chips have fallen since my son’s ROBBERY loss to Robert Cairo and am quite frankly beyond sickened at the plagues that have overtaken a once great federation. Just think back to happier times you WCF fans, when we controlled the World, Tag, Hardcore and Television titles, wasn’t it a stupendous day, a day where you could say ‘I am proud to be a wrestling fan’. Nowadays we have this unwashed Arab as our figurehead, followed by a series of odd and bizarre individuals. I remember simpler days where being drunk, undead and a woman exploiting businessman was all it took to successful here, apparently times have gotten a lot more depressing.
Well I’m giving you all fair warning, World Championship Federation, The Vapor Kings are coming, and we are going to take everything we want, when we want, however we want. Our first move will be to…deal with The Poondock Saints. I will promise you one thing WCF Universe, I have set my sights on one goal alone and that is the fact that in a short while there will be nothing left of the people you consider your heroes and champions, Robert, Kazward, even Odin Balfore if he desires to step into this act of our play will be left in a state to unrecognisable their own next of kin would have a hard time identifying what was left of them once we are done.
It is a truly noble goal we are pursuing here for your very enjoyment. We are removing boredom and blandness and replacing it with…
ZMAC has just thrown up over himself, while ICE is head locking Flash and giving him a noogie.
Buddy: Class and maturity. Pantheon I hear you cry?
Roman laughs so hard his jowls begin quivering.
Buddy: We care not for such. When one of your number holds the WCF World Championship myself, my children and my client will be interested in you. Our only other target for now lies squarely at the head of the snake, Mr Lerch.
Buddy clears his throat.
Buddy: For this flagrant disrespect you have shown to The Vapor Kings we are now going to take action. You have slandered, belittled and tried to bury each and every one of the greatest group of talents you have. Take my son ICE, he was kind enough, he was gracious enough to offer Robert Cairo a rematch after destroying him at One, and what has he gotten in reward for his honour? Nothing. He has been cast aside like a used condom, you’ve fucked him Seth, you went deep inside the talent ICE had, you used it for the minute you can and then you discarded him. This is not how true businessmen work, he is one of the greatest talents you’ve ever had and you are treating him like he is not worth your time. This will change. My son will get his rematch; my son will get his revenge.
My client Zombie McMorris was ROBBED in the Hardcore Title match, but as the new People’s Champion he deserves some respect. He is willing to put the People’s Title back up for grabs for say…a shot at the Hardcore Title. His Hardcore Title, OUR Hardcore Title. For now, we are the people’s choice, the people’s champions, and what better way, what better man to exemplify the will and the desire of the people than Mr McMorris.
However the most egregious error you have committed has been against my new born child. Joseph is the best prospect you have had since…my eldest Natural ICE Beckman-Roman. However the way you have handled this prospect has been simply…disgusting. Are you truly that scared of another Jonny Fly happening, another person who can control your all and everything? You’re willing to sabotage, ruin and crush the man who is carrying the legacy into the next generation? I don’t think you’re scared, I think you’re absolutely terrified. The fact you’ve held Joey Flash down since day one has been a testament to this, but no longer. No longer will you deny this talent. I am quite a soft and easy father, my children get everything they want. Joseph wants domination, Joey wants the World Title and Joey wants everything in between, I am going to make this happen. It’s going to happen despite whatever efforts you do contrary. Then when you have this man as your World Champion, his family alongside him and we’re bearing down upon you, ask yourself ‘Was this worth it?’ is this Jonny Fly? Or is this something a billion times worse.
Buddy smiles once more only to find Joey and ICE’s mini fight had turned into a full on brawl and the two are going at full force. They exchange blows and both step back with a smile. Joey slaps ICE across the chest.
Joey: Good shit.
ICE: You too.
Joey approaches Buddy and wraps an arm around him.
Joey: I appreciate this man, it’s been a while since I’ve been able to let lose.
Buddy: Not a problem son.
Joey: …okay. Thanks.
Buddy: Good.
Joey: This is the perfect match for us right here. Logan…Killith…Gemini, you’re just here for an exhibition. This bout is going to be like the Globretrotters against the Generals. This is my welcome party, we’ve rolled out the white carpet to welcome out just for this occasion.
Buddy: It’s a red carpet.
Joey: No shit, by the time we’re done spilling the blood of these cunts it WILL be.
Bodybags on deck you shower of cunts. It’s over.
Before Joey can continue further Buddy Roman has rushed…or waddled the best he can toward Zombie McMorris who is stood up staggering at the edge of the building. Joey and ICE notice the haste of the porcine Roman and follow hastily toward Zombie.
Buddy: What are you doing, come back here, look we have more cocai-
ZMAC: FUCK YOU ALL, THIS SHIT AIN’T SHIT, I NEED TO KILL SOME MOTHERFUCKERS!
Joey and ICE share a long deep pensive look, one that two master samurai’s may have shared on a battlefield then both break into a smile.
Joey: Damn that’s a long way down ain’t it?
ICE: Yup, nah he ain’t tough enough.
ZMAC: WHO AIN’T TOUGH ENOUGH?
ICE: Nah, it’s not worth discussing.
He feigns turning away then turns back.
ICE: I just don’t think you can survive.
ZMAC: Survive what motherfucker?
Joey: Hitting the floor.
ZMAC: Motherfucker I can survive anything.
ICE/Joey: Prove it!
ZMAC: I don’t have to prove anything to you fuckers.
Buddy: That’s right he doesn’t have to-
Zombie McMorris edged closer to the edge of the ledge and Buddy’s face fell more than twenty stories.
Buddy: AHHHHH NO, you can’t listen to them, BOYS SHUT UP!
ICE: He’s dead if he jumps, it’s over.
Joey: I thought you were the undead killing machine?
ZMAC: Fuck you both!
Buddy Roman: NO DON-
With that Zombie McMorris leapt backward from the top of the roof on Steve Orbit’s Nevada Sky penthouse floor, he extended his middle fingers to his teammates and his manager as he plummeted twenty stories to the floor, Flash, ICE and Roman watched as their brother and their client sent himself flying into the cold hard concrete. He landed with an overpowering thud on the floor. Flash and ICE exchanged a panicked look.
ICE: You join us and the first day a member fucking kills themselves?!
Joey: It was you as much as me!
Buddy: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Flash and ICE exchange another look then look at Buddy Roman.
Joey: So yeah…do they do a duo’s cup too?
CUT.
Joey Flash was lord and emperor of all he surveyed. The liquor was flowing, the music was bumpin and the bitches were grinding, this was his welcome party. Buddy Roman had gone through the efforts to commemorate this milestone occasion in WCF history by hiring the penthouse floor of his lost son Steven Orbit’s club Nevada Sky for this celebration. What started off as an A-List only guest list got a lot less selective as the night went on, from shirt and tie only to ‘You’re wearing clothes? Come on in!’ in a matter of hours. The ambient moonlight filtered through the skylight windows and made one hell of a contrast with the flashing strobe lighting and the smoky haze drifting through the room.
The figure of Joseph fucking Flash stalked the top of the dance floor and he found his way to his place on a raised platform at the head of the room where, just for him, sat a large golden throne. He descended as regally as one can when loaded with half a bottle of rum and plonked on the throne. The music stopped in tandem with his seating, much to the displeasure of all the fun loving party goers. The lights all dimmed and once more a single spotlight was focused on Flash, alone. He raised his hands to the crowd in an effort to quell the crowd, and they responded by summarily shutting the fuck up.
A smile crept across Joey’s delicate features, this was more like it.
Joey: Can you dig iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit?!
The crowd cheered, Joey smiled.
Joey: It’s been a long time, it’s been too long. Do you know, do you know just hard this has been for me the past few weeks? Just how mind bogglingly hard it has been? It’s been so hard to be…normal, to be…nice. I’ve tried everything these past weeks to help sort my mind out, from counselling to medication to even trying to be helpful and friendly to people. I jumped in at XIII when someone was needed, I helped Seth Lerch, I tried to help Occulo, I’ve been in multiple tag matches and I’ve done my god damned best to help my teammates take home the win, but nothing worked. Every day I would just go home and continue in my cycle of endless sadness and depression, what kind of life is that? I’ve been spending my free time playing with animals and watching cute videos on YouTube, I would spend days doing that, even weeks. It had gotten to the stage I would rather do that than engage in coitus. In matches I didn’t care if I won or if I lost, I didn’t care how I performed or if I put on a show, my pride disappeared and I spat on my own talent and legacy.
I was at a dead end; I didn’t know what to do, where to turn or how to act. I was even contemplating just walking away, y’know how hard that is? It’s pitiful. Then by sheer chance I’m given a sign, maybe it’s a sign, maybe it’s divine will, who knows?
All the medication in the world, all the professional help and you wanna know what the simplest thing was, the simplest single thing that turned me from a life of a gibbering worthless borerline mid carder was? Don’t try to be something you aren’t, don’t pander, don’t go by anyone else’s standards of what you need to be to make yourself happy, you know what makes yourself happy Joey, so Nike it up, just do it. So what changed? I decided to just be my fucking self, embrace the fucking hate.
The crowd go wild, booze flies, tits bounce and shit gets crunk once more. As the crowd gets back into the party spirit, Joey ain’t even close to stopping and that once fearsome fire is coming like the ether that threatens to eviscerate all in its path.
Joey: So what’s up you fucking cuntbags? I’m back, I’m back and it’s with a vengeance so heavy God himself would go runnin for whatever cloudy hills he has wherever the fuck the he is. Let’s get down to fuckin business right quick, Joey Flash is a Vapor King.
I know, fucked up right? This is a direct quote from one Joseph Flash regarding The Vapor Kings:
“I’ve been here what, one week? Aight. So not long, I have absolutely no idea how you set of jokers managed to get the stranglehold on all the top spots here. Truly baffles the mind. You’ve either had it easy or gotten very lucky. All these new wrestlers here trying to make nice, trying to build shit, I’m here for all of your heads; I’m here to kill shit.”
Wanna know what I learned in my time here since then? I was one hundred percent absolutely fuckin correct, Joeystradamus up in this bitch. I killed shit. The one thing I didn’t expect though is that The Vapor Kings truly have had it easy, mainly because every other cunt in this federation is absolute dogshit. Don’t get it twisted for one single second; I didn’t join this group because of any form of ambition, inadequacy, doubt or need for a ‘family’, whatever Buddy tells you. I didn’t join because I was doubting myself or because I had no direction or drive. I joined for one simple reason, good booze and a shit tonne of hard drugs.
The crowd cheers.
Joey: As dominant as The Vapor Kings have been in my time here, they could have been, should have been so much more. Let’s not twist shit, ICE is a beast and was deservedly the wrestler of the year in 2014 and Z-Mac is one of the toughest motherfuckers in the whole of the WCF, Buddy Roman is a great mind that managed to take three talents like ICE, Z-Mac and Orbit to the top of the federation and kept them there for the majority of the year. The thing that they have been lacking, the thing that has been vacant from this group has been one thing, that small thing that will help jump a stable from ‘dominant’ to ‘unfuckwithabble’ like, oh I dunno, the greatest wrestler in the whole fuckin company. The Vapor Kings and Joey Flash, two juggernauts floating in the sea of purgatory without a direction or a purpose, like passing ships in the night I guess these things just…find a way.
The crowd cheers even louder.
Joey: So, I hop the fuck on board. Fuck senority and fuck accomplishments, this ship is mine, I’m its captain and it’s figurehead from here on. I’m the man who will take The Vapor Kings from a dying team to a fucking dynasty. Ladies and gentlemen, raise a toast, The Emperor of the Vapor Kings has taken his throne. Mr Joseph Flash!
The crowd whoops, cheers and celebrates.
Joey: It’s not only personal gain and glory I’m here for, of all the humans in this shitshow, ICE, Zombie and Roman are the only three to have a degree of class and common fuckin sense about them. Talent enough to reign over this place and very nice gentlemen to boot, I said last week that your friends need to be able to survive on your level, well these guys probably still can’t but they’re the closest we’ll find in this place. Here’s to you brothers, we’re here for business and pleasure and we’re taking this place over, for good this time.
Fuck this feels good, time to take care of some shit.
#1 Occulo, be seeing you on Slam. We got some business friend.
#2 Grime, you’re a cunt, anyone associated with you is a cunt. I fucked your bike up, but that was me being nice. For what’s coming next you need to bring a fucking army. Tell Ozzy Osborne, 8-Ball, Greg Maddux and whoever the fuck that The Vapor Kings are coming, disrespect doesn’t fly on our watch, maybe I’ll fuck about and give your lovely Brittany a good old kick round the disfigured face for her troubles, worthless fuckin dyke.
We run this bad guy shit, you’re a guppy dropped into an ocean of sharks and you’re encroaching mighty fine on our territory, I fucked with you a lil at Explosion, we gonna fuck with you a lot at Slam. Ciao bella.
#3 Seth, Thomas Uriel Bates has a world title shot. What in ever loving fuck are you doing? See this is getting my blood boiling in all the right places, my dick is hardening with the hate I got for you right now you motherfucker. I slogged and slaved away, I pushed the issue, I made my case with my performances in the ring, out of the ring, around the ring, up your fucking ring, and I had the single most impressive debut streak in WCF history. I crushed everything thrown in front of me and I did it happily, I paid my dues, that’s wrestling right? So Seth, apple of my cock, please riddle me this, how in holy fuck has this guy managed to get this opportunity right now? You think if Joey Flash wins that match at Explosion he gets to enjoy killing that fool Cairo right now? Nah we ain’t on that ‘Get what you deserve’ tip, we on that ‘Let’s stick it to our greatest talent’ tip. You want Pantheon dealt with? Nah fuck that, we ain’t on that ‘Help Seth tip’ we’re on that ‘Make life hell for that pencil necked cocksucker’ tip.
The contenders for the WCF World Title are thus: #1 Joey Flash, #2 Natural ICE Beckman, #3 Zombie McMorris, #4 A cardboard cut-out of Steve Orbit, #5 Buddy Roman, but I guess we expect to be seeing Gemini Battle and Dark Prince as the next contenders at this rate. Kill yaself Seth ya queer, before we do it for you.
The Walking Wasted
The WCF People’s title lay proud on the table furthest away from the bar, the full spectrum of strobe lights bouncing of the glistening gold of the title it created a mini rainbow symbolising the pride of the title. It sat there in true majesty as the two men looked over it.
Zombie: Do the fucking honours Flash.
Joey looked as his new team mate, his new brother. Zombie McMorris punched him in the arm as his yellow grin spread from ear to ear as he nodded his shaggy matted hair in affirmation. Joey needed no such encouragement and in one fell swoop snorted the line of pure white china right off that fuckin belt. Joey threw this head back in delight with a whoop and punched ZMac straight back.
Joey: Fuck this shit, what else motherfucker.
McMorris smiled and shoved a dancing guest to the floor, following with a punt straight in the guy’s gurning fuckin face. Joey grabbed the same guy up by his hair and lobbed him straight over the table that held the People’s title.
Zombie: Next.
ZMAC shot him another grin as Joey kicked the WCF People’s title disrespectfully back into his hands. He led Joey through the sea of people until they reached the bathroom, or more the queue for the bathroom.
Zombie: Here’s what we Vapor Kings do when we have to wai-
Before ZMAC could even get his words out Joey had already smashed one guy’s face into a wall. A second guy turned around in drunken courage.
Drunken Faggot: What’s your fuckin-
Upon seeing the frothing Honey Badger and the beautiful little guido the guy turned tail and tried to run right fast, but the poor guy was going nowhere…but to fuckin sleep as Joey planted a beautiful left hook right on his kisser. The remainder of the queue quickly dispersed as the two men entered the bathroom. The place was as nice as a shitter could be, minus the people. The two men quickly ended any such wait by beating the shit out of the poor people trying to enjoy a nice relaxing piss…then beat the piss out of the guys trying to enjoy a nice relaxing shit. Both men took a stall each and plonked down onto their respective porcelain thrones.
Zombie: Flash, take this.
Joey looked to see a calloused hand holding a small bag of the white girl. Joey got that shit up his shnozz right quick. The two men sat for a few seconds separated by only a thin wall of plastic.
Joey: What do I call you?
Zombie: What the fuck you mean?
Joey: Like what do I call you, Zombie, McMorris, ZMAC, Honey Badger, what do you prefer?
Zombie: What the fuck you talking about, who cares?
Joey: I’d care.
Zombie: Suck a dick.
Joey: ZMAC it is.
ZMAC: Joey.
Joey: Yeah, see that’s a cool name right?
ZMAC: No. You sound like a cunt.
Joey: Is that wrong?
ZMAC: Nope…Joey.
Joey: Fucking what?
ZMAC: You’ll do.
Joey: Huh?
ZMAC: You’re not black enough to be Orbit, but you’ll do.
Joey: Well thank fucking you, I wasn’t asking for your blessing, but thanks all the same.
ZMAC: Motherfucker, listen I get that cunt Lilith and Logan but why you got us facing this Gemini Battle nig again?
Joey: Well, I technically didn’t beat him last week.
ZMAC: WHO FUCKING CARES? HE’S A BUM. FUCK FUCKING SETH. Where is he?!
We hear the cubicle door slam open and a ranting Zombie McMorris go storming out of the bathroom screaming for finding ‘Seth’s head’. Joey laughed and slumped his head forward into his hands. Why WAS he facing this Gemini battle nig again?
Joey: Why the fuck am I having to go through this over and over a fucking gain? I’m living in an endless loop fighting this cocksucker time and time again. I’m trapped in a groundhog day of bland promos and uninspiring words, how do I escape?
A voice pipes up from outside the cubicle as a titanic stream of urine crashes in a beautiful cascade against a urinal.
The Amazing Pissing Man: In your situation I would make light of it by drawing some shit about them, that tends to help me.
Joey: What the fuck?
The Amazing Pissing Artist: Yeah dude, just picture the guy you’re talking about and then think of some funny shit to say, it works.
Joey: What on earth, fuck off I’m not talking to you.
The Amazing Pissing Artist: See you out there in five; I’ll buy you a drink brother.
Joey thought carefully at the man’s words, completely oblivious to the fact his team mate was just in the room with him. He thought long and hard.
Joey: Nah, not my style. Gemini Battle you fuckin twat. Why do I have to fight you? I’m getting sick to death of seeing your annoying clown lookin face across the ring from me, shit maybe I’d be okay with it if it were every other week, but every week it’s getting a bit sickly. No bullshit and no fuckin around. Let us compare accomplishments.
Win Television Title in their second match in the federation…that was me.
Defeat the reigning US Champion in the most heated feud of the final quarter of last year…that was me.
Have the greatest debut streak in WCF history…that was me.
Was the greatest Television champion in WCF history…that was me.
Ended the careers of multiple wrestlers here…that was me.
Joined and became newly self-appointed leader, demagogue and all round god of the greatest stable in professional wrestling…that was me.
Woke up a pathetic ugly, disfigured loner, so ugly he could cockblock in a brothel who for all his wealth in life will never have a fulfilling career in or out of the ring and will die alone…yeah, that was you.
Why are you even in this match? You’re the odd man out by a long fuckin shot. You’re the one person in this match that nobody cares about, you don’t belong and you certainly ain’t gonna cause anything close to an upset in this match. On your best day you couldn’t hang with any of us on our worst. I’d back Buddy Roman in a fistfight against you ya faggot. So how about you do the whole world a favour, do what everyone wants from you in this federation and just…fuck off.
No one is watching for your future appearances, wanna know what you’ll never hear anybody say ‘When is Gemini Battle coming on TV?!’ You’re a fucking void in an otherwise exciting match, I have to carry your ass to another classic, it’s sickening. I don’t know what your mindset is going into this, but I dread to think, surely even someone like you needs to know that this match is over already, right? There is not a thing that you or anyone on your team can do to overturn the certainty of my Vapor Kings debut being nothing more than straight up domination. It’s what we do.
This is the night I finally rid myself of anything Gemini Battle related for the rest of my WCF career, I’m getting rid of this cancer to my wrestling life on Sunday night. That chemo coming by way of a Sudden Flash right to ya chops, down goes Gemini, down goes Gemini, down goes Gemini. I never want to see you in a ring with me after I’m done, and after I’m done? You’re going to want to be as far away from sharing a ring with me that you can possibly be. I’m not even threatening now, I’m fuckin promising, you’re gonna get yours cocksucker.
Zip him up.
With that Joey Flash was more buzzing than Muhammad Ali playing Operation, time to party once more.
Two men, one bar
The room was more sparsely populated than Joey remembered before he went to the bathroom. A trail of bodies and broken furniture seemed to lead toward the stairs that took you to the rooftop, well finding a Zombie wouldn’t be hard.
The Amazing Pissing Artist: Hey man, let’s get shitfaced.
Joey turned to see the disembodied voice finally given form in the guise of the former WCF World Champion Natural ICE Beckman, his hair flopping as drunkenly as his inebriated penis likely would later. He approached Beckman to find ten empty pint glasses already in front of the man, with three new full glasses already prepared in front of him, the barman was looking in awe at the hulking man with more tolerance for booze than Jesus had for the Jewish.
Joey: Sup mothafucka.
The two men shared a look for a while and Beckman turned toward the barman, who flinched at the very gaze.
ICE: Two shots of cognac, two Jaegerbombs, two pints of Guinness and a Mai Tai.
The bartender quickly hurried the order, plopping the drinks down in front of ICE.
ICE: The fuck you doing? They’re his.
He pointed to Joey. The barman moved all the drinks toward Joey until ICE caught his hand.
ICE: Except this one, this is mine.
Beckman had a quick scan of the room that no one was watching and began sipping on his Mai Tai.
Joey: On you yeah?
ICE: On the bar, but yeah, I got it.
Joey: It’d be rude not to right?
ICE’s grin grew as Joey necked both shots, both bombs and hastily downed the frothy black creamy delight of Ireland.
ICE: Yeah, he was right, you’ll do.
Joey slumped next to Beckman at the bar and the two men shook hands.
Joey: You know…I wanted to fuckin destroy you.
Beckman nearly spilled his precious Mai Tai.
Joey: You were my number one target and goal in this place since the day I arrived, you were the top dog here for so long, I thought about nothing but how badly I wanted to kill you in that ring, take ya fuckin belt and make the world know just how good I was.
Beckman looked uncomfortably at Joey.
ICE: And now?
Joey: You lost to Bobby Cairo and I lost to Grime, we both fucking suck.
Both men shared a laugh…
ICE/Joey: Lucky cunts.
..and a smile.
ICE: I was wondering myself for a while, the ICE AGE ended and I wondered where the fuck we go from here…
Joey: Where the fuck do you think, right to the top of the fucking mountain.
ICE: My exact conclusion. Now we have the three best wrestlers in the entire WCF, this shit is about to get messy-
ICE is interrupted by a pat on the back, standing behind him is a small bespectacled nerdy looking dude with a pen and a pad. ICE panics and not wanting to seem any less of a fuckin badass immediately smashes the Mai Tai to the floor and shouts toward the bartender.
ICE: Motherfucker! I said get me a beer…in a dirty glass!
ICE turns to Joey with a ‘phew’ and then to the nerdy looking dude.
Four Eyes: Hello Mr Beckman sir, I was wondering if I could get an autograph?
ICE: No but you can get my brother’s autograph instead.
The fan turned to see a drunken dribbling mess that is Joey Flash.
Four Eyes: I didn’t realise you had a retarded brother.
ICE: Uhh- you’re going to die.
Four Eyes: What do you mean?
Joey grabs Four Eyes by the throat and smiles.
Joey: He was right, you’re gonna die.
Joey smashes the nerdy bastard face first into his knee, and then throws him against the bar before both men begin putting the boots to the geeky cunt. He quickly fades into a pummeled state of crimson unconsciousness and both Vapor Kings return back to their drinks.
ICE: Does this happen often with you?
Joey: Yep.
ICE: Me too.
The two men clink glasses.
Joey: You lookin forward to Sunday?
ICE: Does The Pope shit in the woods? Fuck yeah, we’re gonna annihilate this shit. Trio’s cup is ours already brother.
Joey: I’m fuckin salivating. Hey barkeep.
The bartender approaches.
Joey: Do you like Logan?
Idiot Bartender: Well yes-
ICE: Wrong answer.
Joey smashes one of the empty glasses over the poor barkeeps noggin.
Joey: Well shit.
ICE: I got this.
ICE hops over the bar as graceful as someone fifteen or so drinks in could, so like a pig trying to high jump. Beckman crashes through all the glasses on the table and plops to the other side before popping up with a couple of bottles of beer from the fridge.
Joey: So we’re also taking on someone with about five times more accolades in this place than our team put together…probably twice as many accolades as any other wrestler in the whole history of this place not called Corey Black, what happened when I faced that guy?
Joey smiled.
Joey: Oh right. So what’s up Logan you fuckin cocksucker let’s get it poppin. You really had that poor kid Mayhem fooled. You treated that poor bastard than Bobby treated Whitney; you give him that Joe Jackson treatment in the worst kinda way. You killed your kid with no remorse on that Marvin Gaye tip. It would have made me sad, it would have maybe even made me cry, seeing all the trust and the faith he had put in you to help him progress in this federation all go up in flames in one night, it would have made me sad if it wasn’t so fuckin funny.
You earned my respect for such a beautiful act, it made me cry tears of fuckin happiness. It’s almost a shame I gotta snuff you on Sunday…nah actually it’s gonna make it ten times more fun. You play my game Logan, you play it to a fuckin tee, see whereas you’re the standard game on Normal, I’m that shit on Beastmode you can only beat with a cheat code.
ICE hands a couple more drinks to Joey and the pair down that shit like the mothafuckin bosses they are.
You’re a legend here, same way George Mikan is a legend in the NBA, you could do shit when there was no diversity, real talent or athletic ability but now you’re just a worthless piece of shit floating wherever the current takes him. You don’t fool me for one second you’re some kind of mastermind whose great multi-month plot led him to the grand end of…fucking over a mid-tier wrestler. Good job Mr Treachery! Ya fuckin idiot.
You’re a whimsical buffoon who turns tail at the first sniff of pussy he had in years, you’d do hard jail time for just one lick of Lilith’s disgusting piss flaps.
‘Logie shoot up that store’
‘Logie rape that seal’
‘Logie let me sodomize you with a kumquat’
Maybe try this one on for size
‘Logie stop being such a pathetic perpetual loser who no longer has any relevance in the current landscape of the federation. Maybe stop following me around like a little puppy dog and doing exactly what I want of you, maybe you can finally be free of whatever labels and precursors people think of you and you can actually exist as a happy person…babygurl’
That shit ain’t happenin though. You’re a delusional faggot who thinks they’re playing chess while everyone else is playing checkers. Bitch, we’re playing pool and you’ve just leapt off a fuckin diving board. As I was saying man, you fooled absolutely no one with your little shtick, you had nothing left as a personality, a character or a wrestler so you reverted back to the cheapest of the cheap and tried for the laughs and the applause, fuckin clown, you know you can’t hang anymore so why not have some fun with it. You and Marc were made for each other and it was plain to see that was where your true talents lie; now you’re going to be a person who can no longer hang as well as having absolutely no fun, unless you count getting ya head caved in by The Vapor Kings particularly pleasing.
Now you’re degrading yourself by bringing that sket Katherine, Lillith whatever the fuck, Killith, round as your valet. Is the other way round Logan? It seems that since this bitch has come back you’ve thrown your hotdog away, tucked your cock between your legs and become the bitch we all know and love once more. Who you gonna blame when we zip you up like no one ever has before on Slam? Is it that no-mark Gemini’s fault? Is it Killith? Maybe that dastardly Marc Mayhem will have some revenge served red hot for your wack ass. Who the fuck knows, I know whose fault it’s gonna be though, yours. You are the WCF Hall of Famer and possess one of the greatest careers ever put to paper in this federation, so it’s all on your shoulders to carry this team to progress and to victory. If you get thrashed and treated like the whelps you are people ain’t gonna think ‘Oh that Gemini could have done more’ and be fucked if someone’s blaming a woman. So Mr Treachery this all falls onto you, funny that the most untrustworthy motherfucker in the entire company is the person who needs the most trust from his team mates to save them from a routine slaughtering. We grinding the blades at the abattoir and you’re getting lined right on up, you have two options:
1) Guide the cattle into the shed and leave them to their fate
Or
2) Follow like a good little boy and follow Battle and bitchtits straight into become food for our plates.
There is no third option here; there is no ‘Victory’ outcome in this scenario, you won’t catch us slipping like you caught Marcy Marc. The Vapor Kings are going to turn your retarded brains to mush, nah fuck that, Joey Flash is turning your brains to mush. You pathetic, worthless, ineffectual bastard, you’ve been in the ring with people from pretty much day one in this federation and yet not a one comes close, I’m beyond anything you’ve ever seen before and beyond anything you’re gonna see since. See the sad thing that’s the case in the matchup, is if by some miracle you three could hang with me 3v1, stood right alongside me is the only other person in the federation who can lace my boots.
ICE flips Flash off.
ICE: Bitch shut up.
Joey: I’m talking, have another drink.
ICE: Ahh yeah, I forgot, I’m not drinking.
ICE downs another beer.
Joey: And next to him is the unbeatable, unkillable, shit talkin, big cockin, deep in yo bitch monster Zombie Mc-
ICE: He’s on the fucking roof!
Joey turns round as the hundred or so patrons left in the bar to see through the skylight that on the ledge of the roof Zombie McMorris tightrope walking the ledge off the edge of the building, he is mumbling to himself interlaced with his shouting ‘FUCKING SETH, WHERE ARE YA?!’. Flash and ICE look at each other, grab a couple of bottles each and hurry up the stairs to join in the fun…falcon punching anyone who so much as looks in their godlike direction.
Kill yaself
Staring across the night sky the world was abuzz with life, lights, fights and emotion ran deep in the city tonight as Buddy Roman was finally enjoying life once more. He had built this empire once, but this time…this time it would rise to be even stronger than the last, like a Lilith from the ashes. His family was all here, save for the two Stevens. Black Steven was AWOL and White Steven had a mild tummyache after consuming two beers, but still, it was feeling a hell of a lot more like home. He turned to see his client Zombie McMorris ranting and raving to himself at the edge of the building. Ahh what a role model, Buddy smiled to himself. His attention turned to the stairs leading to the roof as he heard two familiar voices getting ever closer.
Joey: Stupid fucker is gonna fall.
ICE: Nah, he’s got great balance.
With that the unmistakable Joey Flash and Natural ICE Beckman appear from below double fistin dat cold brewski.
Buddy: Ahh children welcome.
ICE: Hello father.
Joey: I am not calling you father.
Buddy: In good time, child.
Joey: Fuckin shut up with that! Yo what the fuck is ZMAC doing?
Buddy: Ahh, I can tell, he is simply visiting his meditation state right now.
His meditation state involved clearly snorting copious amounts of coke, taking acid and walking on the roofs of twenty story clubs.
Joey: Hey Buddy, you know much about Lilith?
Buddy: Lilith?
ZMAC: FUCKING STUPID CUNT.
ICE: Yeah she was Sarah Twilight’s imaginary friend/lover or some shit.
Joey: So…how is she Katherine Phoenix?
ICE: How the fuck should I know?
Joey: …and how was it a surprise that it was it the same person, if y’know…we saw their fuckin face on TV about five times prior?
ZMAC: THE WONDERS OF FUCKING HD!
Joey: Aight, but all I have on this bitch is she is fucking Grade A psychopath with stalking/lesbian/fangirl/general wacko tendencies.
Buddy: My son, what a quick learner you are.
Joey: Will you fuckin shut it.
ICE: Yeah that’s probably what her bio on WCF.com says.
Joey: So…
ICE: Just run with it.
Joey: Aight fine. What up you psycho cunt? Lilith, Krusty Kathy Kunthead. Whatever the fuck, first things first fuckhead, you’re my first female opponent…like ever. Now how should I deal with this obstacle, let me poll the group. Should I…
a) Be gentlemanly and refuse to fight such a dainty specimen.
b) Kick her in the cunt.
ZMAC: FUCKING ANNIHILATE HER PUSSY!
ICE: I’m going to break that bitch’s neck.
Buddy: I’m so proud of you all now.
Joey: Good, you guys will do. This bitch is one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen since I’ve been here…
He glances around the rooftop.
Joey: and that’s saying a lot. You make your debut not in a wrestling ring, not in a promo, not in any wrestling based guise oh no this bitch popped on fuckin twitter. Yep that’s a way to make an impact ya daft bitch, make a post only maybe ten people in the world will see threatening the likes of Reginald Dampshaw rather than making a statement on live television and really announcing your arrival. I guess it’s fitting though given how pathetic your WCF career has been so far, your achievements amount to a screwjob victory over Marc Mayhem, woohoo where da yoohoo?! So you’ve done nothing but talk on twitter and get a victory cos ya what, ya fiancé took pity on you and fleeced his little protégé? Great career so far, shame Orbit ain’t here to introduce you to a career more fitting for someone of your mental capacity, though being an ugly whale won’t help that much, might just have to throw you in the refuse pile.
So we now discuss what the fuck you are, another multi choice quiz. We full of this shit today.
1) Sarah Twilight’s happy go lucky oddball with attachment issues who somehow happens to have Logan wrapped round her cunthairs.
2) An overly aggressive bitch who threatens every person she ever meets, your mother says ‘Love you’, you say ‘Fuck you!’
Pick a side ya spastic, you runnin with that multiple personality shit? Well all your multiple personalities are shit; you have no redeeming features about you. It would help if you weren’t an ugly bitch then we could maybe let shit slide. I’ve had many crazy hot bitches, but crazy butt ugly is another animal entirely, the animal in case you’re wondering, pig.
You seem to have singled me out since the day you arrived here, I thought to myself ‘Shit here’s another stupid bitch I get to string along for a while, use em and lose em’ but fuckin hell you ended that possibility right quick you weird stalking queef. Joey Flash is here…so is Kathy, Joey Flash is there…so is Kathy. If I died tomorrow you would jump into the coffin at the wake, ‘NOW WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER’.
Bitch hop off my dick, I got two things for you. Right fist, left fist, hell maybe after our match I’ll even be kind to you, you’ve proven to be a dedicated Joey Flash fan. I’ll let you get dressed up, get those heels and stockings on, we like those, nah we love those. I’ll call you and tell you we got a reservation, all suave like. Book a table for three, just you, me, and my fist jammed in the fuckin place you pee. What does Logan think about all this? How does his treacherous little mind process the fact that every time he’s balls deep inside you the only image you’re thinking of is of Joey fuckin Flash? Every time you touch him is a betrayal to supposed betrothal the pair of you share. You spend more time stalking me on twitter than with him, I daresay you’ve been typing away on ya phone while gargling his spunk. You two have the most bizarre relationship I’ve ever seen in this federation…
Joey looks at ICE
Joey: Except this cunt and that blue haired bitch. Anyhow, how has this shit worked out? Are you some kind of succubus that enslaves the minds of the middle aged and impotent? That has already worked with Logan and will probably work wonders with Gemini Battle but The Vapor Kings? That shit ridiculous. I dunno what the deal is, maybe all this is another ruse by Logan, not that the fucker is smart enough for it, certainly not with some guaranteed poon at the end of the rainbow. Maybe he’s acting like Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, just trying to give a whore a better life.
Bitch I was there at your match as Explosion, shit was ridiculous, when Chelsea appears we’ve got all sorts of chants, as much as I rip ICE she fine. You though it was stone cold silence, like a cold tundra in that bitch. For Chelsea people were screaming ‘Show me your tits!’ for you they were screaming ‘Show me your…uhh…personality!’ You shouted SHUT UP TELL ME SOMETHING I HAVEN’T HEARD BEFORE!!!!
A guy shouted ‘You’re pretty’.
Listen KILLITH you fuckin cunt, you’re the worst of the worst in this federation, I ain’t talkin attitude cos that’s the one thing you’ve got going for you I can enjoy, but your application, your fortitude, your wrestling ability is straight shit. You’re a weak pathetic bitch who can hang with approximately Adam Young % of the federation. You’re stepping from your comfort zone in ‘happy land’ straight into hell with The Vapor Kings, you have absolutely no idea what you’re getting yourself into. I’ve unzipped that bodybag and you’re jumping straight into it legs akimbo shouting ‘Take me Joey, take me now!’…and I’m zipping that bag shut right quick.
You got engaged to a guy who actively states ‘I will betray every person who thinks I like or love them’. Way to go girl! You know how to pick em, in a year you’ll be running to your mother crying ‘I never thought he’d cheat on me, burn my house down and laugh maniacally at my pain!’ That shows exactly where your head is for this match. You ended up here through sheer chance, you haven’t earned shit, you have barely performed here. Every single active wrestler in this company deserves the spot above you and yet somehow you’re here. Well bitch you’re going to learn first hand what it takes to compete at this level, a level you strive for, a level you’ll never reach, the level of The Vapor Kings, the level of Joey Flash.
I could be kind to you, let you just suck my dick and be happy with it, but I’d rather cave your fuckin head in…and be ecstatic with it.
You’re finished, bitch.
Both Buddy Roman and Natural ICE Beckman are transfixed on Joey.
ICE: Wow, that was cool.
Buddy: Unbelievable, that woman is almost certain to be throwing herself down a set of stairs in a life hating sorrow. Rest in Peace Lilith!
ICE: Fuck that bitch.
ZMAC: I WOULD FUCK HER COLD DEAD CORPSE.
Buddy Roman clears his throat and looks at his family.
Buddy: Anyway, it is good you are here, I am glad to have the three of you attentively heeding my words with awe and reverence…
Zombie McMorris is still tightrope walking the edge of the building while ICE and Flash are enjoying a mock fight while still drinking the fine ale.
Buddy: As I was saying, my children are here and we are ready. It has been a long time coming but we are finally ready to begin our assault on the WCF. It makes me sad seeing how times have changed here, I have sat back and observed at how the chips have fallen since my son’s ROBBERY loss to Robert Cairo and am quite frankly beyond sickened at the plagues that have overtaken a once great federation. Just think back to happier times you WCF fans, when we controlled the World, Tag, Hardcore and Television titles, wasn’t it a stupendous day, a day where you could say ‘I am proud to be a wrestling fan’. Nowadays we have this unwashed Arab as our figurehead, followed by a series of odd and bizarre individuals. I remember simpler days where being drunk, undead and a woman exploiting businessman was all it took to successful here, apparently times have gotten a lot more depressing.
Well I’m giving you all fair warning, World Championship Federation, The Vapor Kings are coming, and we are going to take everything we want, when we want, however we want. Our first move will be to…deal with The Poondock Saints. I will promise you one thing WCF Universe, I have set my sights on one goal alone and that is the fact that in a short while there will be nothing left of the people you consider your heroes and champions, Robert, Kazward, even Odin Balfore if he desires to step into this act of our play will be left in a state to unrecognisable their own next of kin would have a hard time identifying what was left of them once we are done.
It is a truly noble goal we are pursuing here for your very enjoyment. We are removing boredom and blandness and replacing it with…
ZMAC has just thrown up over himself, while ICE is head locking Flash and giving him a noogie.
Buddy: Class and maturity. Pantheon I hear you cry?
Roman laughs so hard his jowls begin quivering.
Buddy: We care not for such. When one of your number holds the WCF World Championship myself, my children and my client will be interested in you. Our only other target for now lies squarely at the head of the snake, Mr Lerch.
Buddy clears his throat.
Buddy: For this flagrant disrespect you have shown to The Vapor Kings we are now going to take action. You have slandered, belittled and tried to bury each and every one of the greatest group of talents you have. Take my son ICE, he was kind enough, he was gracious enough to offer Robert Cairo a rematch after destroying him at One, and what has he gotten in reward for his honour? Nothing. He has been cast aside like a used condom, you’ve fucked him Seth, you went deep inside the talent ICE had, you used it for the minute you can and then you discarded him. This is not how true businessmen work, he is one of the greatest talents you’ve ever had and you are treating him like he is not worth your time. This will change. My son will get his rematch; my son will get his revenge.
My client Zombie McMorris was ROBBED in the Hardcore Title match, but as the new People’s Champion he deserves some respect. He is willing to put the People’s Title back up for grabs for say…a shot at the Hardcore Title. His Hardcore Title, OUR Hardcore Title. For now, we are the people’s choice, the people’s champions, and what better way, what better man to exemplify the will and the desire of the people than Mr McMorris.
However the most egregious error you have committed has been against my new born child. Joseph is the best prospect you have had since…my eldest Natural ICE Beckman-Roman. However the way you have handled this prospect has been simply…disgusting. Are you truly that scared of another Jonny Fly happening, another person who can control your all and everything? You’re willing to sabotage, ruin and crush the man who is carrying the legacy into the next generation? I don’t think you’re scared, I think you’re absolutely terrified. The fact you’ve held Joey Flash down since day one has been a testament to this, but no longer. No longer will you deny this talent. I am quite a soft and easy father, my children get everything they want. Joseph wants domination, Joey wants the World Title and Joey wants everything in between, I am going to make this happen. It’s going to happen despite whatever efforts you do contrary. Then when you have this man as your World Champion, his family alongside him and we’re bearing down upon you, ask yourself ‘Was this worth it?’ is this Jonny Fly? Or is this something a billion times worse.
Buddy smiles once more only to find Joey and ICE’s mini fight had turned into a full on brawl and the two are going at full force. They exchange blows and both step back with a smile. Joey slaps ICE across the chest.
Joey: Good shit.
ICE: You too.
Joey approaches Buddy and wraps an arm around him.
Joey: I appreciate this man, it’s been a while since I’ve been able to let lose.
Buddy: Not a problem son.
Joey: …okay. Thanks.
Buddy: Good.
Joey: This is the perfect match for us right here. Logan…Killith…Gemini, you’re just here for an exhibition. This bout is going to be like the Globretrotters against the Generals. This is my welcome party, we’ve rolled out the white carpet to welcome out just for this occasion.
Buddy: It’s a red carpet.
Joey: No shit, by the time we’re done spilling the blood of these cunts it WILL be.
Bodybags on deck you shower of cunts. It’s over.
Before Joey can continue further Buddy Roman has rushed…or waddled the best he can toward Zombie McMorris who is stood up staggering at the edge of the building. Joey and ICE notice the haste of the porcine Roman and follow hastily toward Zombie.
Buddy: What are you doing, come back here, look we have more cocai-
ZMAC: FUCK YOU ALL, THIS SHIT AIN’T SHIT, I NEED TO KILL SOME MOTHERFUCKERS!
Joey and ICE share a long deep pensive look, one that two master samurai’s may have shared on a battlefield then both break into a smile.
Joey: Damn that’s a long way down ain’t it?
ICE: Yup, nah he ain’t tough enough.
ZMAC: WHO AIN’T TOUGH ENOUGH?
ICE: Nah, it’s not worth discussing.
He feigns turning away then turns back.
ICE: I just don’t think you can survive.
ZMAC: Survive what motherfucker?
Joey: Hitting the floor.
ZMAC: Motherfucker I can survive anything.
ICE/Joey: Prove it!
ZMAC: I don’t have to prove anything to you fuckers.
Buddy: That’s right he doesn’t have to-
Zombie McMorris edged closer to the edge of the ledge and Buddy’s face fell more than twenty stories.
Buddy: AHHHHH NO, you can’t listen to them, BOYS SHUT UP!
ICE: He’s dead if he jumps, it’s over.
Joey: I thought you were the undead killing machine?
ZMAC: Fuck you both!
Buddy Roman: NO DON-
With that Zombie McMorris leapt backward from the top of the roof on Steve Orbit’s Nevada Sky penthouse floor, he extended his middle fingers to his teammates and his manager as he plummeted twenty stories to the floor, Flash, ICE and Roman watched as their brother and their client sent himself flying into the cold hard concrete. He landed with an overpowering thud on the floor. Flash and ICE exchanged a panicked look.
ICE: You join us and the first day a member fucking kills themselves?!
Joey: It was you as much as me!
Buddy: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Flash and ICE exchange another look then look at Buddy Roman.
Joey: So yeah…do they do a duo’s cup too?
CUT.
