Woke up this morning and got myself a shrink
Mar 12, 2015 12:12:12 GMT -5
Logan, Kaz, and 2 more like this
Post by Joey Flash on Mar 12, 2015 12:12:12 GMT -5
Alone.
The start of the drink always begins with a gleeful grin of expectation and relief, the final sip always ends with a feeling of hollowness. Joey rested the glass back on the table, only a millimeter of dregs and backwash remaining. Nights always started off with hope and excitement, but always end with the same sickness and self-loathing. He glanced round the bar, groups of friends jovial and joking amongst each other, some couples, and him. Joey felt pity for himself for a moment. He saw one man surrounded by around ten others who were treating him like he owned the place. Beer was flowing as was the laughter.
You’re all alone champ, how’s that feel? Since the night of the slayings at Eddie’s house it had been like a ghost town at the Allegri mansion. Alessandra and Joey barely spoke five words to each other before she told him she had to go to see her father. What a way to leave, Joey is nearly executed then watches her kill people like she was swatting flies. No explanation, no discussion, barely even any eye contact. He begged and pleaded for her to stay and to talk to him, just to let him in to anything that was going on in her mind, what she had been hiding from him. Only a shake of the head and blank stare came as a reply. He had to tell his son why his mother had gone away, he truly, truly didn’t know. Joey Flash was all alone, so how does that feel? It feels excruciating.
He washed the pity away by finishing the final sliver of alcohol. Pulling the hat back onto his head and slipping his jacket back on. Walking through the bar, head down. Can’t even hold your head up in a dive like this anymore eh Joe? He pushed the door open and let the cold run him through, a long inhale made the drink rush to his head and he felt a little bit of sick build up in the back of his throat, with a cough he brought the pale phlegm mess up onto his hand. Joey ran his tongue along it and licked the vomit, sending it back down, rubbing the back of his hand across his mouth to clean any of the remainder off.
The next hour of the walk home was a whirlwind of thoughts running through his head. His professional life and his personal life were in a state of flux so turbulent it felt like either could consume him at any point. For everything bad in his life, he still had his son. Christian asks every night ‘Where’s momma?’ come on Joey tell the kid the truth put the little bastard out of his misery just like what happened to you, but Joey always replied ‘She’ll be home soon’. He didn’t know, all he knew was he had to do everything in his power to protect the child who was his everything.
Joey knew he wasn’t the best of role models, he hadn’t been the best or most attentive of fathers, he barely spent any time with the kid. The one place he could make that little boy’s heart soar was when Joey was in the ring, when he stepped through those ropes he was Superman and Christian saw his father as a shining being. Having to head home to his son after he had lost made the simplest of words seem like he was delivering a presidential speech. ‘Hello son’.
How the mighty have fallen.
Joey battles with twins and a god believing type man
Joey sat, pensive on a bench outside the ECW Arena, watching the world go by he pulls a pre-rolled joint and blazes up, and a long deep inhale and everything was good again. Well, as good as it could get when you see Hank Brown and his crew ambling toward you, excited grins on their faces, great. Joey wet his fingers and put the joint out, placing it behind his ear.
Hank: Why we couldn’t just do this in the locker room I don’t- Joey, hello there!
Joey waved at him and motioned for him to sit down next to him on the bench.
Hank: Hmmph, well, hey what’s that, you smoke menthol cigarettes? Me too!
Joey looks at the cameraman who shrugs; Joey just raises his eyebrows and ignores Hank.
Joey: What’s the happenin Hank?
Hank: Well, been a long time since I’ve seen you, it’s good to hear your annoying, whiny tone of voice again Mr Flash!
Joey: Uhhh, and it’s good to see your stupid moronically grinning deformed face once more buddy.
Hank loses his smile, his bottom lip quivering a little bit before regaining his jovial attitude, ahhh.
Hank: You lost.
Joey: Did I?
Hank: Yep, Grime beat you, do you not remember?
Joey: No Hank, the single most humiliating moment in my career here so far aside from having to talk to Katherine Phoenix on twitter has somehow vanished from my mind in the space of less than a week. What do you think Hank?
Hank: Oh, you remember, that was sarcasm wasn’t it?
Joey: Not at all.
Hank: That was too wasn’t it?
Joey: … Yes.
Hank: Hah! I knew it; I’m a great reader of people.
Joey: Sure. You’re a great reader of people Hank.
Hank: Thanks.
Joey: Stupid bastard.
Hank: So you could have taken a week off from performing here, and you’re now in two matches in three days, wow!
Joey: Remove yourself from my dick Hank. It’s my job, I enjoy my work and I do it better than anyone else in the world…and deep down I’m a sucker for a good fight. Nothing more.
Hank: Well it must be strange for you finally having a match without a title to defend, how’s the preparation been?
Joey: Hank man, you just don’t get it, I no longer have a belt around my waist but my title is still on the line here. My title has been on the line every time I step through the ropes here, whether I have a belt to show it or not that’s irrelevant. I’m not going to let one little blemish on my record dampen what is going to be the greatest career in the history of the WCF, shit I could just sandbag this week and be down in the dumps, but I figure the best way to get out of a slump with anything is perseverance so I’m going to persevere this week. I’m gonna persevere all over Steeltoe Joe and Gemini Battle’s faces.
Hank: How will you do that?
Joey: With my dick.
Hank: WHAT?
Joey: Idiot, I’ll beat the shit out them ya dummy. This is the first match in weeks I’ve not been a prohibitive favourite so I guess it should spark my interest huh? We’ll see.
Hank: Well thanks very much Joey, we have to go get dinner.
Joey: Get me a sandwich.
Hank: Huh?
Joey: Footlong, meatballs. Thanks, on you of course.
Hank: Uhhh-
Joey: and Hank, fuc-
Hank cowers away; Joey takes a deep couple of breaths.
Joey: Please.
Hank: What?
Joey: Please.
Hank turns to his cameraman Lionel.
Hank: Did you hear that?
Lionel: Sure did.
Hank: It’s amazing, it’s like the lesser spotted Adam Young quality match. Joey, manners? Are you okay? Do you have a fever?
Joey reaches into his pocket and fishes in his wallet, removing a twenty.
Joey: On me. Get ya fuckin dinner.
Hank tentatively reaches for the note, whipping it away before trotting away down the street with a little hop of happiness in his step. Joey smiles and slouches back onto the bench.
Joey: So now I have to put in my work for the second of my matches this week. Ladies and gentlemen please give your applause for the venerable Mr Flash who is going to walk through Pantheon on Friday followed by crushing two bums on Sunday as a wonderful dessert for you all in this wrestling two course gourmet meals served up by yours truly. If Friday’s is a war this one is going to be a straight up, straight laced no frills wrestling match. I am going to show my position as #1 here by dominating in both formats. I’m fluent in violence and my native tongue is guns and knives so that is no matter, but when shit gets real in the middle of the ring and we have to actually wrestle? Shieeet man this is more over than Steeltoe Joe is over the hill.
It’s gonna be interesting to see how I cope, stepping from Friday battered bloodied and bruised but unbeaten unbroken and unbowed into Slam on Sunday. How am I going to perform? What’s going to be the show you see? Shit you know how it works, Joey Flash is straight up Box Office in anything he does, so get ya fuckin beer and sit your asses down to watch the best in the business get surgical with yet another couple of opponents. It doesn’t matter how many you send down anymore, it really doesn’t. I’m so comfortable in that ring now I could kick my boots off and dust you both up high off an acid binge.
Thus it is the first time in WCF history we get to see Joey Flash in a main event, the first time that all the spotlights in the world are gonna be focused on yours truly and the camera’s stare is just that little bit heavier. Will Joey choke? Or will Joey summarily body these two clowns? Yep it’s #2! I ain’t gonna take this as any less of a challenge or a match that any other Sunday. See what differentiates me from any other wrestler on this planet is my will toward success. I’m here to conquer; you are simply two more heads for the trail of pikes I’m leaving behind me.
Steeltoe Joe, hello! When I analyse this I wondered to myself what direction to take here. You’re a proud man and you’re a strong man. I’m pleased I get to face someone who has such a drive and such a purpose in life, fuck if I have anything like that. I daresay you go to sleep every day a much happier man than I. You’ve got things in this life many men would kill for. So Joe, you’re a nice man, you’re a respectable man and a man of honour. It pains to say that in that wrestling ring though? You’re open ass on a copy machine.
This isn’t a sermon nor a Sunday service, this is a Sunday mass(acre) and you’re in my church now. What’s the deal with you Joe? I admired your fighting spirit, you warred and you battled and you got the hallowed World Title shot against Beckman. You put everything on the line against the man who was champion and what happened? You lost. Inside that ring you cannot call on or expect any divine help, you know that as well as anyone, you relied on your natural skill and your grit…and it wasn’t enough. You just can’t do it can you Joe? You can’t win the big one.
You retreated back into wherever you go after a loss and barely have shown your face since, that match was a backbreaker for you. It was like everything you had ever worked for or ever pushed your body to achieve was just thrown back in your face and laughed at by someone I could wash without an ounce of effort. Here’s what I think Joe, wanna hear my little hypothesis? I think you use your religion as a crutch. You lost straight up to Beckman, it was a 6-0 6-0 6-0, it wasn’t even close. Yet what was the thing you probably said to yourself the morning after? ‘It’s in His plans’ or ‘This happened for a reason’ never once thinking that the very reason is because simply you’re not good enough. There is no room for growth for you as an athlete or as a man if this is the way you work, I never expect to see you back at the top of this federation again. I daresay that this match right here is going to be Steeltoe Joe’s curtain call. Your last main event, facing down against Joey Flash a man who has been blessed with every inch of talent it was like God chucked a lump of wrestling talent to the earth and from it crawled yours truly…Gemini Battle will also be there.
What makes me ultimately a stronger man than you? Both you and I have been in positions in our life where everything was so hopeless and it looked like there was no way out other than to address the heavens and ask for help. What I do is I man up and I sort it, myself. I grow as a man and I gain experience and wisdom. It doesn’t make me a better person Joe; it simply makes me a more responsible human being. I don’t ask for forgiveness for anything I’ve done, I carry it like a cross on my back and will keep it there weighing me down until the day I’m put in the ground. You look to the sky for your salvation and the man hanging from the cross. Where do I look? Where do I allow my sins to be atoned from? My fuckin balls. Yes. I grow a pair and let them hang above this cold hard ground. You ain’t got no such thing, if you were Scarface all you’d have would be your word.
I’m gifted and blessed with everything you’ve worked your whole life for isn’t that sickening? Doesn’t that make you want to wretch in disgust and shout ‘WHY?’ at the heavens, I’ve done nothing to earn what was given to me, but hey guess what I’ve not been blessed by God man…
Joey flexes.
Joey: This shit is just A+ genetics.
Joey smiles.
Joey: I know what you’re thinking; hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard right? What if the most talented is also the hardest fucking worker in the business? Where is your out then? Where is your eject button? It’s over.
So where do you go from here preacher man? You’ll be on a losing streak reaching Adam Young levels of pitiful, for someone who was held in such regard, for someone who has such talent somewhere inside them it is sickening what you’ve become. You’re even a shadow of you used to be. I think it’s sad. You ploughed your heart and soul into this business, you gave it everything and you finally got your big chance but in the end your steps ultimately led to nowhere like you’re stuck in an Escher painting.
On Sunday night I’m gonna lay you down flat with one fuckin punch, and Christ the second comin if you rise again.
Joey clicks his lighter and blazes the joint up.
Joey: On to the next one, we got Mr Battle. So waddup, here we have a guy who I’m certain thinks I’m ripe for the picking and ready to be taken out. I’ve been softened up and am ready to be cracked. Let’s see if that’s gonna be the case Mr Battle. You are the type of person who has seen me week after week show what I can do in that ring, and yet you’re also the type who thinks this is the best chance you’re going to have, you think you’ve found a weak bleeding animal staggering through the forest onto to stumble inadvertently into a cave with a pissed off grizzly. Let’s go.
So you’re sitting new in your WCF career, this is a match where you can really stamp your name on the federation, you beat Steeltoe Joe and it’s a great victory, you beat Joey Flash and it’s a fucking statement. Since I’ve been here it’s been my duty to deal with people like you, I’ve spent months for the sole purpose of ending the goals of those who dare to dream in this federation. You are the latest in a long line of such wrestlers. Let me just start things off simple so you can understand, I am no one’s stepping stone, but you can be damned sure we’re gonna be getting your fuckin headstone prepared by the time I’m done with you.
Gemini, I ask this question with all sincerity: What the fuck are you doing here? I Googled Gemini Battle, the result came back ‘Why?’ You are a multi billionaire who could turn their hand to anything in the world, you could fly yourself to space and live on the moon, you could build a city under the ocean, you could hire scientists to harvest dinosaur DNA to create some form of super dinosaur theme park, you could look after New York as some form of masked vigilante, but no, what Mr Battle chooses to do is to become a wrestler. So you can enjoy paying for the medical treatment once I’ve dealt with ya wack ass. You could always pay me to step aside; I wouldn’t be averse to that. My family could do with some retirement money. What ya say? No? Boo.
You have a bunch of doctors and scientists and not one of them can help you with that disfigured blob you call a head. It’s baffling, I can refer you to any number of people right now that could help, shit Mr Left Fist and Mr Right Fist will do the job for me. You can have all lefts, then I’ll start doing right like I’m a changed man. Maybe that will help ya weird fuck. Get a nosejob, face lookin like you’ve spent the last five years giving rimjobs.
All that money and you can’t even pay for a psychiatrist or a fuckin decent set of clothes. I might chuck you five dollars so you can buy an issue of GQ just to get your ghastly wardrobe choices off my screen. I’ve gotta turn the colour down every time your ass appears. I might take you on Extreme Makeover or some shit, you’re in need of more help than I can currently provide. You ugly motherfucker, they say women study you and they read your smile, well yours spells out ‘Friendzone’.
This guy is from a great lineage, he was raised by a racist, bigot and man of hatred…funny cos he’s gonna get his ass beat on Sunday by a racist, bigot and a man of hatred.
Joey smiles.
Joey: I’m trying though; I’m even going to my first psychiatry meeting today. Anger management and anxiety, all that good shit, that’s gotta be good right? That Tony Soprano shit, I’m going all in. Lemme tell you what your heritage means to me and to what happens in that wrestling ring, absolutely dick. I don’t care what type of man you are, what type of man your father and his father was before him, I simply care what type of athlete I’m going to be dealing with when we step through the ropes together on Sunday. The answer to that one is ‘nothing special’, you are dime a dozen and I’ll show you exactly where your place in this company is ya fuckin joke. So fuck you and fuck ya pops, I’ll pay someone 3 K’s to get you popped and put you under that white sheet for real.
I know one thing I’m going to make sure to do at Slam, fuckin rob you. I’ll be all up in that locker room, shieeet you gotta be carrying some wads around for me to take. I’ll take ya change, ya chain and then your pride in the ring. It’s a clean fuckin sweep.
At the end of the day, you want to be something you’re not. The fact that you step into the wrestling ring week in week out prove to me that for all your wealth, for all your lofty goals and ambitions the one thing that matters most to you in life is this right here. You said yourself, you don’t do this for the money, you do it because it’s who you are, it’s what defines you as a person and a success. That will to compete and that will to fight, I applaud it and I appreciate it. You want to be World Champ, you want to be US Champ, fuck you’d settle for the Confederate Title right about now. The sad fact of your career here is you will never reach the heights you could anywhere else because before too long there will be a glass ceiling here called ‘Joey Flash’ that not a single soul will be able to cross. You can learn this first hand, so leave your ego at the door and prepare to get bodied
Lemme ask you man, is this worth it? Is it worth stepping to Joey Flash for this? You could do this any other way in the federation, you could take on any other wrestler just hanging about the mid card and get yourself some cred, maybe even get a TV title shot, fuck you’ll probably get that shit even if you lose here. This is a lose/lose situation here, I’m going to crush you, it’s not going to be pretty. Is this the hill you wanna die on? Proving that you can hang with Joey Flash? It’s okay, no one in this place can, it doesn’t make you a bad wrestler it just makes you like everyone else, worse than me. So don’t ever think you can go over me this match, I will put you in the stars for trying to earn yourself some stripes.
Doctor MILFI
Doctor Charles Edwards crossed his legs and sat back in his chair as he regarded the man in front of him. Joseph Malignaggi sat opposite, dressed like he had just come in off the street from a run sweat covering his face; Joey pulled the hood of his tracksuit top down and shook his thick black mane free. The two men sat in silence for a few moments.
Joey: So what do we do here? Do I look at ink and shit and then you make me okay?
Charles: Ink and shit? Do you want to look at ink and shit?
Joey: Uhh, no, I’m just sayin, I’ve seen this sort of shit on TV, I wanted a fit MILF though man, not gonna lie.
Charles: A…MILF?
Joey: Yeah fuckin Doctor Melfi, I’d pound that shit something insane man.
Charles stared incredulous for a moment.
Charles: Why is that?
Joey: Why is what?
Charles: Why would you pound this ‘Doctor Melfi’ ‘something insane’.
Joey: Fuckin, she’s got big tits and is a doctor, that shit is aight ain’t it? You can’t tell me you wouldn’t.
Charles: I haven’t seen this Doctor Melfi-
Joey: Fuck man, here.
Joey pulls his phone out, presses a button and speaks into the phone.
Joey: Google search Doctor Melfi Sopranos Pictures Hot.
Charles: ENOUGH!
Joey quickly replaces his phone and looks sheepishly at the doctor.
Charles: You are paying for my time, so it’s in your best interests to take this seriously.
Joey: I know.
Charles: Do you?
Joey: Yeah. Sorry.
Charles: Okay then. What is wrong, why are you here?
Joey: Uhh man I dunno, I just feel constantly…on edge. It’s like someone has a knife to my throat and one wrong move and its curtains for me, even over menial shit. Like if I spill a bit of drink on the carpet I’m panicking, it’s not a good fuckin sign.
Charles: Is this a recent thing?
Joey: Uhm, I dunno.
Charles: Why is that?
Joey: I dunno, I’ve just always kinda felt like this I guess, it’s like ah, y’know sleep is tough and that’s not helping me either.
Charles: So you’re not sleeping?
Joey: It’s not that I’m not, it’s when I do it’s terrible, like night terrors and cold sweats. It’s brutal, I’m just constantly in like zombie mode if ya understand?
Charles: Okay Joseph. When did you first notice this?
Joey: The sleep, or the other thing?
Charles: Both.
Joey: Uhh, well I guess…fuck this, this is ridiculous. This ain’t gonna help shit.
Joey stands up and paces for a moment, Charles watches him until he sits down.
Charles: Right, time’s up.
Joey: What? Fuck no time’s not up. I was just gonna fuckin tell you.
Charles: I think you want to tell me when you first noticed this, but you’re going to lie to me if you do it today. So I’d rather you just leave for now.
Joey: Fucking leave? I’ve paid you for your time so I expect some help here.
Charles: Talk to Sophie at the desk, I’m sure we can reimburse any time not used.
Joey: Nah fuck that.
Joey approached Charles and grabbed his jacket; Charles simply brushed his arm off.
Charles: Next week, same time Joseph.
Joey backed up and pulled his hood over his head.
Joey: Fine.
Joey turned and pushed the door open with a forceful shove letting it rebound with a thwack against the wall before slamming it shut. Doctor Edwards sat down and sighed, he pulled a dossier from his desk showing various press clippings from the man who had just been in his office. ‘Joseph Malignaggi Olympic Hopeful’ ‘Malignaggi arrested for suspected murder of Robert Facchetti’ ‘A Killer Walks Among Us – Malignaggi Free’ all the way up to ‘Shocker as Joey Flash is defeated by Grime’. He knew the man who was sat opposite him; he had a pretty good idea of the reasons behind the problems Joey was having. It would be a long hard process, but every successful journey starts with the hardest of steps.
END.
The start of the drink always begins with a gleeful grin of expectation and relief, the final sip always ends with a feeling of hollowness. Joey rested the glass back on the table, only a millimeter of dregs and backwash remaining. Nights always started off with hope and excitement, but always end with the same sickness and self-loathing. He glanced round the bar, groups of friends jovial and joking amongst each other, some couples, and him. Joey felt pity for himself for a moment. He saw one man surrounded by around ten others who were treating him like he owned the place. Beer was flowing as was the laughter.
You’re all alone champ, how’s that feel? Since the night of the slayings at Eddie’s house it had been like a ghost town at the Allegri mansion. Alessandra and Joey barely spoke five words to each other before she told him she had to go to see her father. What a way to leave, Joey is nearly executed then watches her kill people like she was swatting flies. No explanation, no discussion, barely even any eye contact. He begged and pleaded for her to stay and to talk to him, just to let him in to anything that was going on in her mind, what she had been hiding from him. Only a shake of the head and blank stare came as a reply. He had to tell his son why his mother had gone away, he truly, truly didn’t know. Joey Flash was all alone, so how does that feel? It feels excruciating.
He washed the pity away by finishing the final sliver of alcohol. Pulling the hat back onto his head and slipping his jacket back on. Walking through the bar, head down. Can’t even hold your head up in a dive like this anymore eh Joe? He pushed the door open and let the cold run him through, a long inhale made the drink rush to his head and he felt a little bit of sick build up in the back of his throat, with a cough he brought the pale phlegm mess up onto his hand. Joey ran his tongue along it and licked the vomit, sending it back down, rubbing the back of his hand across his mouth to clean any of the remainder off.
The next hour of the walk home was a whirlwind of thoughts running through his head. His professional life and his personal life were in a state of flux so turbulent it felt like either could consume him at any point. For everything bad in his life, he still had his son. Christian asks every night ‘Where’s momma?’ come on Joey tell the kid the truth put the little bastard out of his misery just like what happened to you, but Joey always replied ‘She’ll be home soon’. He didn’t know, all he knew was he had to do everything in his power to protect the child who was his everything.
Joey knew he wasn’t the best of role models, he hadn’t been the best or most attentive of fathers, he barely spent any time with the kid. The one place he could make that little boy’s heart soar was when Joey was in the ring, when he stepped through those ropes he was Superman and Christian saw his father as a shining being. Having to head home to his son after he had lost made the simplest of words seem like he was delivering a presidential speech. ‘Hello son’.
How the mighty have fallen.
Joey battles with twins and a god believing type man
Joey sat, pensive on a bench outside the ECW Arena, watching the world go by he pulls a pre-rolled joint and blazes up, and a long deep inhale and everything was good again. Well, as good as it could get when you see Hank Brown and his crew ambling toward you, excited grins on their faces, great. Joey wet his fingers and put the joint out, placing it behind his ear.
Hank: Why we couldn’t just do this in the locker room I don’t- Joey, hello there!
Joey waved at him and motioned for him to sit down next to him on the bench.
Hank: Hmmph, well, hey what’s that, you smoke menthol cigarettes? Me too!
Joey looks at the cameraman who shrugs; Joey just raises his eyebrows and ignores Hank.
Joey: What’s the happenin Hank?
Hank: Well, been a long time since I’ve seen you, it’s good to hear your annoying, whiny tone of voice again Mr Flash!
Joey: Uhhh, and it’s good to see your stupid moronically grinning deformed face once more buddy.
Hank loses his smile, his bottom lip quivering a little bit before regaining his jovial attitude, ahhh.
Hank: You lost.
Joey: Did I?
Hank: Yep, Grime beat you, do you not remember?
Joey: No Hank, the single most humiliating moment in my career here so far aside from having to talk to Katherine Phoenix on twitter has somehow vanished from my mind in the space of less than a week. What do you think Hank?
Hank: Oh, you remember, that was sarcasm wasn’t it?
Joey: Not at all.
Hank: That was too wasn’t it?
Joey: … Yes.
Hank: Hah! I knew it; I’m a great reader of people.
Joey: Sure. You’re a great reader of people Hank.
Hank: Thanks.
Joey: Stupid bastard.
Hank: So you could have taken a week off from performing here, and you’re now in two matches in three days, wow!
Joey: Remove yourself from my dick Hank. It’s my job, I enjoy my work and I do it better than anyone else in the world…and deep down I’m a sucker for a good fight. Nothing more.
Hank: Well it must be strange for you finally having a match without a title to defend, how’s the preparation been?
Joey: Hank man, you just don’t get it, I no longer have a belt around my waist but my title is still on the line here. My title has been on the line every time I step through the ropes here, whether I have a belt to show it or not that’s irrelevant. I’m not going to let one little blemish on my record dampen what is going to be the greatest career in the history of the WCF, shit I could just sandbag this week and be down in the dumps, but I figure the best way to get out of a slump with anything is perseverance so I’m going to persevere this week. I’m gonna persevere all over Steeltoe Joe and Gemini Battle’s faces.
Hank: How will you do that?
Joey: With my dick.
Hank: WHAT?
Joey: Idiot, I’ll beat the shit out them ya dummy. This is the first match in weeks I’ve not been a prohibitive favourite so I guess it should spark my interest huh? We’ll see.
Hank: Well thanks very much Joey, we have to go get dinner.
Joey: Get me a sandwich.
Hank: Huh?
Joey: Footlong, meatballs. Thanks, on you of course.
Hank: Uhhh-
Joey: and Hank, fuc-
Hank cowers away; Joey takes a deep couple of breaths.
Joey: Please.
Hank: What?
Joey: Please.
Hank turns to his cameraman Lionel.
Hank: Did you hear that?
Lionel: Sure did.
Hank: It’s amazing, it’s like the lesser spotted Adam Young quality match. Joey, manners? Are you okay? Do you have a fever?
Joey reaches into his pocket and fishes in his wallet, removing a twenty.
Joey: On me. Get ya fuckin dinner.
Hank tentatively reaches for the note, whipping it away before trotting away down the street with a little hop of happiness in his step. Joey smiles and slouches back onto the bench.
Joey: So now I have to put in my work for the second of my matches this week. Ladies and gentlemen please give your applause for the venerable Mr Flash who is going to walk through Pantheon on Friday followed by crushing two bums on Sunday as a wonderful dessert for you all in this wrestling two course gourmet meals served up by yours truly. If Friday’s is a war this one is going to be a straight up, straight laced no frills wrestling match. I am going to show my position as #1 here by dominating in both formats. I’m fluent in violence and my native tongue is guns and knives so that is no matter, but when shit gets real in the middle of the ring and we have to actually wrestle? Shieeet man this is more over than Steeltoe Joe is over the hill.
It’s gonna be interesting to see how I cope, stepping from Friday battered bloodied and bruised but unbeaten unbroken and unbowed into Slam on Sunday. How am I going to perform? What’s going to be the show you see? Shit you know how it works, Joey Flash is straight up Box Office in anything he does, so get ya fuckin beer and sit your asses down to watch the best in the business get surgical with yet another couple of opponents. It doesn’t matter how many you send down anymore, it really doesn’t. I’m so comfortable in that ring now I could kick my boots off and dust you both up high off an acid binge.
Thus it is the first time in WCF history we get to see Joey Flash in a main event, the first time that all the spotlights in the world are gonna be focused on yours truly and the camera’s stare is just that little bit heavier. Will Joey choke? Or will Joey summarily body these two clowns? Yep it’s #2! I ain’t gonna take this as any less of a challenge or a match that any other Sunday. See what differentiates me from any other wrestler on this planet is my will toward success. I’m here to conquer; you are simply two more heads for the trail of pikes I’m leaving behind me.
Steeltoe Joe, hello! When I analyse this I wondered to myself what direction to take here. You’re a proud man and you’re a strong man. I’m pleased I get to face someone who has such a drive and such a purpose in life, fuck if I have anything like that. I daresay you go to sleep every day a much happier man than I. You’ve got things in this life many men would kill for. So Joe, you’re a nice man, you’re a respectable man and a man of honour. It pains to say that in that wrestling ring though? You’re open ass on a copy machine.
This isn’t a sermon nor a Sunday service, this is a Sunday mass(acre) and you’re in my church now. What’s the deal with you Joe? I admired your fighting spirit, you warred and you battled and you got the hallowed World Title shot against Beckman. You put everything on the line against the man who was champion and what happened? You lost. Inside that ring you cannot call on or expect any divine help, you know that as well as anyone, you relied on your natural skill and your grit…and it wasn’t enough. You just can’t do it can you Joe? You can’t win the big one.
You retreated back into wherever you go after a loss and barely have shown your face since, that match was a backbreaker for you. It was like everything you had ever worked for or ever pushed your body to achieve was just thrown back in your face and laughed at by someone I could wash without an ounce of effort. Here’s what I think Joe, wanna hear my little hypothesis? I think you use your religion as a crutch. You lost straight up to Beckman, it was a 6-0 6-0 6-0, it wasn’t even close. Yet what was the thing you probably said to yourself the morning after? ‘It’s in His plans’ or ‘This happened for a reason’ never once thinking that the very reason is because simply you’re not good enough. There is no room for growth for you as an athlete or as a man if this is the way you work, I never expect to see you back at the top of this federation again. I daresay that this match right here is going to be Steeltoe Joe’s curtain call. Your last main event, facing down against Joey Flash a man who has been blessed with every inch of talent it was like God chucked a lump of wrestling talent to the earth and from it crawled yours truly…Gemini Battle will also be there.
What makes me ultimately a stronger man than you? Both you and I have been in positions in our life where everything was so hopeless and it looked like there was no way out other than to address the heavens and ask for help. What I do is I man up and I sort it, myself. I grow as a man and I gain experience and wisdom. It doesn’t make me a better person Joe; it simply makes me a more responsible human being. I don’t ask for forgiveness for anything I’ve done, I carry it like a cross on my back and will keep it there weighing me down until the day I’m put in the ground. You look to the sky for your salvation and the man hanging from the cross. Where do I look? Where do I allow my sins to be atoned from? My fuckin balls. Yes. I grow a pair and let them hang above this cold hard ground. You ain’t got no such thing, if you were Scarface all you’d have would be your word.
I’m gifted and blessed with everything you’ve worked your whole life for isn’t that sickening? Doesn’t that make you want to wretch in disgust and shout ‘WHY?’ at the heavens, I’ve done nothing to earn what was given to me, but hey guess what I’ve not been blessed by God man…
Joey flexes.
Joey: This shit is just A+ genetics.
Joey smiles.
Joey: I know what you’re thinking; hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard right? What if the most talented is also the hardest fucking worker in the business? Where is your out then? Where is your eject button? It’s over.
So where do you go from here preacher man? You’ll be on a losing streak reaching Adam Young levels of pitiful, for someone who was held in such regard, for someone who has such talent somewhere inside them it is sickening what you’ve become. You’re even a shadow of you used to be. I think it’s sad. You ploughed your heart and soul into this business, you gave it everything and you finally got your big chance but in the end your steps ultimately led to nowhere like you’re stuck in an Escher painting.
On Sunday night I’m gonna lay you down flat with one fuckin punch, and Christ the second comin if you rise again.
Joey clicks his lighter and blazes the joint up.
Joey: On to the next one, we got Mr Battle. So waddup, here we have a guy who I’m certain thinks I’m ripe for the picking and ready to be taken out. I’ve been softened up and am ready to be cracked. Let’s see if that’s gonna be the case Mr Battle. You are the type of person who has seen me week after week show what I can do in that ring, and yet you’re also the type who thinks this is the best chance you’re going to have, you think you’ve found a weak bleeding animal staggering through the forest onto to stumble inadvertently into a cave with a pissed off grizzly. Let’s go.
So you’re sitting new in your WCF career, this is a match where you can really stamp your name on the federation, you beat Steeltoe Joe and it’s a great victory, you beat Joey Flash and it’s a fucking statement. Since I’ve been here it’s been my duty to deal with people like you, I’ve spent months for the sole purpose of ending the goals of those who dare to dream in this federation. You are the latest in a long line of such wrestlers. Let me just start things off simple so you can understand, I am no one’s stepping stone, but you can be damned sure we’re gonna be getting your fuckin headstone prepared by the time I’m done with you.
Gemini, I ask this question with all sincerity: What the fuck are you doing here? I Googled Gemini Battle, the result came back ‘Why?’ You are a multi billionaire who could turn their hand to anything in the world, you could fly yourself to space and live on the moon, you could build a city under the ocean, you could hire scientists to harvest dinosaur DNA to create some form of super dinosaur theme park, you could look after New York as some form of masked vigilante, but no, what Mr Battle chooses to do is to become a wrestler. So you can enjoy paying for the medical treatment once I’ve dealt with ya wack ass. You could always pay me to step aside; I wouldn’t be averse to that. My family could do with some retirement money. What ya say? No? Boo.
You have a bunch of doctors and scientists and not one of them can help you with that disfigured blob you call a head. It’s baffling, I can refer you to any number of people right now that could help, shit Mr Left Fist and Mr Right Fist will do the job for me. You can have all lefts, then I’ll start doing right like I’m a changed man. Maybe that will help ya weird fuck. Get a nosejob, face lookin like you’ve spent the last five years giving rimjobs.
All that money and you can’t even pay for a psychiatrist or a fuckin decent set of clothes. I might chuck you five dollars so you can buy an issue of GQ just to get your ghastly wardrobe choices off my screen. I’ve gotta turn the colour down every time your ass appears. I might take you on Extreme Makeover or some shit, you’re in need of more help than I can currently provide. You ugly motherfucker, they say women study you and they read your smile, well yours spells out ‘Friendzone’.
This guy is from a great lineage, he was raised by a racist, bigot and man of hatred…funny cos he’s gonna get his ass beat on Sunday by a racist, bigot and a man of hatred.
Joey smiles.
Joey: I’m trying though; I’m even going to my first psychiatry meeting today. Anger management and anxiety, all that good shit, that’s gotta be good right? That Tony Soprano shit, I’m going all in. Lemme tell you what your heritage means to me and to what happens in that wrestling ring, absolutely dick. I don’t care what type of man you are, what type of man your father and his father was before him, I simply care what type of athlete I’m going to be dealing with when we step through the ropes together on Sunday. The answer to that one is ‘nothing special’, you are dime a dozen and I’ll show you exactly where your place in this company is ya fuckin joke. So fuck you and fuck ya pops, I’ll pay someone 3 K’s to get you popped and put you under that white sheet for real.
I know one thing I’m going to make sure to do at Slam, fuckin rob you. I’ll be all up in that locker room, shieeet you gotta be carrying some wads around for me to take. I’ll take ya change, ya chain and then your pride in the ring. It’s a clean fuckin sweep.
At the end of the day, you want to be something you’re not. The fact that you step into the wrestling ring week in week out prove to me that for all your wealth, for all your lofty goals and ambitions the one thing that matters most to you in life is this right here. You said yourself, you don’t do this for the money, you do it because it’s who you are, it’s what defines you as a person and a success. That will to compete and that will to fight, I applaud it and I appreciate it. You want to be World Champ, you want to be US Champ, fuck you’d settle for the Confederate Title right about now. The sad fact of your career here is you will never reach the heights you could anywhere else because before too long there will be a glass ceiling here called ‘Joey Flash’ that not a single soul will be able to cross. You can learn this first hand, so leave your ego at the door and prepare to get bodied
Lemme ask you man, is this worth it? Is it worth stepping to Joey Flash for this? You could do this any other way in the federation, you could take on any other wrestler just hanging about the mid card and get yourself some cred, maybe even get a TV title shot, fuck you’ll probably get that shit even if you lose here. This is a lose/lose situation here, I’m going to crush you, it’s not going to be pretty. Is this the hill you wanna die on? Proving that you can hang with Joey Flash? It’s okay, no one in this place can, it doesn’t make you a bad wrestler it just makes you like everyone else, worse than me. So don’t ever think you can go over me this match, I will put you in the stars for trying to earn yourself some stripes.
Doctor MILFI
Doctor Charles Edwards crossed his legs and sat back in his chair as he regarded the man in front of him. Joseph Malignaggi sat opposite, dressed like he had just come in off the street from a run sweat covering his face; Joey pulled the hood of his tracksuit top down and shook his thick black mane free. The two men sat in silence for a few moments.
Joey: So what do we do here? Do I look at ink and shit and then you make me okay?
Charles: Ink and shit? Do you want to look at ink and shit?
Joey: Uhh, no, I’m just sayin, I’ve seen this sort of shit on TV, I wanted a fit MILF though man, not gonna lie.
Charles: A…MILF?
Joey: Yeah fuckin Doctor Melfi, I’d pound that shit something insane man.
Charles stared incredulous for a moment.
Charles: Why is that?
Joey: Why is what?
Charles: Why would you pound this ‘Doctor Melfi’ ‘something insane’.
Joey: Fuckin, she’s got big tits and is a doctor, that shit is aight ain’t it? You can’t tell me you wouldn’t.
Charles: I haven’t seen this Doctor Melfi-
Joey: Fuck man, here.
Joey pulls his phone out, presses a button and speaks into the phone.
Joey: Google search Doctor Melfi Sopranos Pictures Hot.
Charles: ENOUGH!
Joey quickly replaces his phone and looks sheepishly at the doctor.
Charles: You are paying for my time, so it’s in your best interests to take this seriously.
Joey: I know.
Charles: Do you?
Joey: Yeah. Sorry.
Charles: Okay then. What is wrong, why are you here?
Joey: Uhh man I dunno, I just feel constantly…on edge. It’s like someone has a knife to my throat and one wrong move and its curtains for me, even over menial shit. Like if I spill a bit of drink on the carpet I’m panicking, it’s not a good fuckin sign.
Charles: Is this a recent thing?
Joey: Uhm, I dunno.
Charles: Why is that?
Joey: I dunno, I’ve just always kinda felt like this I guess, it’s like ah, y’know sleep is tough and that’s not helping me either.
Charles: So you’re not sleeping?
Joey: It’s not that I’m not, it’s when I do it’s terrible, like night terrors and cold sweats. It’s brutal, I’m just constantly in like zombie mode if ya understand?
Charles: Okay Joseph. When did you first notice this?
Joey: The sleep, or the other thing?
Charles: Both.
Joey: Uhh, well I guess…fuck this, this is ridiculous. This ain’t gonna help shit.
Joey stands up and paces for a moment, Charles watches him until he sits down.
Charles: Right, time’s up.
Joey: What? Fuck no time’s not up. I was just gonna fuckin tell you.
Charles: I think you want to tell me when you first noticed this, but you’re going to lie to me if you do it today. So I’d rather you just leave for now.
Joey: Fucking leave? I’ve paid you for your time so I expect some help here.
Charles: Talk to Sophie at the desk, I’m sure we can reimburse any time not used.
Joey: Nah fuck that.
Joey approached Charles and grabbed his jacket; Charles simply brushed his arm off.
Charles: Next week, same time Joseph.
Joey backed up and pulled his hood over his head.
Joey: Fine.
Joey turned and pushed the door open with a forceful shove letting it rebound with a thwack against the wall before slamming it shut. Doctor Edwards sat down and sighed, he pulled a dossier from his desk showing various press clippings from the man who had just been in his office. ‘Joseph Malignaggi Olympic Hopeful’ ‘Malignaggi arrested for suspected murder of Robert Facchetti’ ‘A Killer Walks Among Us – Malignaggi Free’ all the way up to ‘Shocker as Joey Flash is defeated by Grime’. He knew the man who was sat opposite him; he had a pretty good idea of the reasons behind the problems Joey was having. It would be a long hard process, but every successful journey starts with the hardest of steps.
END.
