You are what you eat, well I must have eaten a fuckin legend
Feb 3, 2015 16:17:05 GMT -5
Logan, occulo, and 3 more like this
Post by Joey Flash on Feb 3, 2015 16:17:05 GMT -5
The Arrival
The following took place the week of Payback...
It was here, time to meet the family. Joey stepped out of the limousine and shielded his eyes from the sun as he looked toward the Allegri mansion, the sheer size was breath taking; it made Alessandra’s home look like a dolls playhouse. Joey, Alessandra and Christian had been picked up at the airport by a man with a sharp suit and the sign ‘Allegri’. As the car wound its way away from the city and into the Sicilian mountainside Joey felt his chest tighten, this was like something from a dream. Before he could gather his thoughts and process anything, how to act, how to look, how to speak, they had arrived and it was truly magnificent.
They had passed through no less than two security detailed gates on the way to the homestead, Joey’s awe grew and grew the further in they got, another five minutes brought them to the front door and out of the car. Joey’s awe turned into a green haze of envy in the blink of an eye. A man arrived to greet them, tall and thin with the hint of a days’ worth of stubble across his jaw. The man burst into a grin and Joey felt a bump on his shoulder as Alessandra brushed past him into the man’s arms. They hugged for a moment, whispering to each other and ending with a laugh.
Alessandra: You look amazing Paolo, you’ve lost so much weight I can hardly see you.
Paolo: You’re uh…
He scanned Joey and Christian.
Paolo: With extra baggage.
They shared a look and broke out in laughter. Joey was bemused. Paolo approached him, he looked so much like Al it was disconcerting, if he had makeup on Joey would probably have problems concealing his boner. Paolo extended his hand; Joey took, shook and smiled.
Joey: Joey, a pleasure.
Paolo: Gianpaolo, we’ve heard a lot about you Mr Joey.
I bet you fucking have.
Joey: You too, amazing place you have here. I’m…speechless.
Paolo: Hear that Alessandra, he’s speechless?
She giggled again.
Paolo: What about you little man?
Christian hid behind Joey, Joey bent down and stroked his son’s hair.
Joey: Don’t worry, this is your Uncle.
The little boy looked him in the eyes for affirmation before giving a wave to Paolo.
Alessandra: He’s shy, don’t worry.
Yeah, shy of greasy cunts. Alessandra made her way to Joey’s side and grasped his hand, stroking his knuckles with her thumb.
Paolo: Oh, where are my manners? We can’t wait out here all day, let’s get something to eat. Can you believe mother has cooked?
Alessandra: Bolognese?
Paolo: Bolognese.
Joey looked at Christian.
Joey: We like Bolognese don’t we champ?
Christian: Not mommy's. I gave Vincenzo my last plate.
Alessandra stood aghast as her brother laughed.
Paolo: Come in, father can’t wait to see you again Al, it’s so great you’re back.
She isn’t ‘back’ she is ‘visiting’. Curb your fucking tongue. Paolo pushed the door open and motioned for them to follow, Alessandra leant in toward Joey.
Alessandra: See, it’s not all bad.
Joey: I didn’t think it would be. Don’t worry.
But he was worried, he was scared fucking stiff.
They were led inside by Paolo; Joey returned back to awestruck mode, this was a marble, cashmere and silk paradise. Everywhere he looked was something of such majesty he felt like he actually was in a palace. The combined cost of this hallway alone was more than he had ever earned in his life. They wandered through the halls until the smell of onion and tomato flooded Joey’s nostrils.
Paolo: Mother, we have guests…
He brought them inside the kitchen where a woman was stirring a pot at the cooker. She turned toward them and Joey was instantly stunned by her beauty. He glanced to Alessandra then back to the woman, if she ages that well I’m in for a good ride. The woman dropped her spoon and hugged her daughter. She turned to look at Joey then Christian.
Mother: You must be Joseph, right?
She approached him with a smile; Joey took her hand and kissed it.
Joey: Mrs Allegri, a pleasure.
Her smile broadened.
Mother: The pleasure is all mine, hello bambino.
She bent toward Christian, he waved at her also, and she chuckled.
Mother: He looks so much like you Joseph. All the bad parts of Alessandra are out of his DNA too I hope!
Alessandra: That’s not fair, he has my eyes you know and I’m not happy with-
Her face dropped.
Alessandra: Hello father.
Joey felt his stomach shoot into his throat, he span round to find Alessandra’s father stood behind them. He was a man of about Joey’s height, but his presence alone cast a shadow across the entire room. His hair was a mix of silver and black, his chiseled clean shaven jaw housing another sweeping smile. He stepped toward Joey and wrapped his arm round Joey’s shoulders.
Bernardo: It’s time to eat.
Joey couldn’t even find himself able to make eye contact; he simply glanced at Alessandra who was smiling a great grin. Vipers nest came to Joey’s mind; this was going to be brutal.
Family Dinner
The table was filled from top to bottom with pastas, sauces, meat and breads, the aroma of fresh baking bringing an air of relaxation to Joey as he sat opposite Alessandra, he smiled an awkward grin at her. She was sat next to her brother with Christian next to Joey. The patriarch and matriarch sat at either end of the table. Bernardo reached out and grabbed a slice of bread, spreading thick butter onto it.
Bernardo: You don’t have to wait for my say so, eat!
He smiled and Joey reached toward some bread himself.
Bernardo: Not you, ladies first.
Joey froze in his tracks, he couldn’t believe it, right from the off he was made to look an absolute punk, he felt his face flush with embarrassment, he looked at Alessandra who could barely suppress a laugh, he heard laughter from the others at the table and then from Bernardo.
Bernardo: Got him, Joseph, don’t worry, have all the bread you like.
Joey sat back down, bread in hand and shame on his face.
Joey: The bread smells delicious; I can’t wait to try it, thank you Mrs Allegri.
Next to him Christian was tucking in with great fervour to some spaghetti, sauce already plastered around his mouth.
Mother: Francesca, please. What a polite young man you’ve found Alessandra.
Alessandra: He has his moments.
Joey began munching on the bread and slopped some pasta and chicken onto his plate before drowning it with tomato sauce and spices.
Francesca: He has an appetite like your father.
Joey and Bernardo were both devouring the food. Bernardo paused, dabbed at his mouth with a serviette.
Bernardo: So Joseph, you’re a ‘wrestler’.
Christian: Yep, daddy’s amazing!
Bernardo: Is that so? Enjoy your meal little one, I’ve got a present for you if you finish it all.
Christian: Yay!
Joey: Yeah I’m a wrestler. It’s fun, but tough work.
Francesca: Well mannered, fit and strong, Alessandra, well done.
Bernardo: That business, it’s not really a long term sustainable thing though is it?
Joey: I dunno about that, I’m only just starting and it’s going great. I’m going to make a lot of money to take care of your daughter with.
Bernardo chuckled.
Bernardo: I don’t think we need to be concerned about money Joseph; she is well taken care of. I just don’t want her to be let down or hurt, do you understand?
Joey: Yeah I understand-
Alessandra: Father, enough. He’s-
Bernardo held his hand up to stop her.
Bernardo: I had a friend in the same business as you once. It didn’t end so well for him.
Joey: I’m sorry to hear that, it can be a brutal and unforgiving world in the ring, what happened to him? Maybe I know him, what’s he called?
Bernardo: What was he called.
Joey: Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t upset-
Bernardo: And you didn’t. He got caught up in a feud with the wrong person and it didn’t end so well, but I guess…accidents happen don’t they Joseph?
Joey hung his head.
Bernardo: You might have heard of him, his name in the business was Robert Facchetti.
Joey felt a shudder trickle from the base of his neck right down his spine. His hot flush was turned to pale whiteness as the blood rushed from his face. He’s using this dinner to threaten me. His family was all there, everyone was smiling and everyone was happy, Bernardo was even mussing the hair on Christian’s head as he spoke. Paolo and Francesca seemed oblivious, but Alessandra seemed as taken aback as Joey, he knew that look, she was angry.
Alessandra: Joseph hasn’t been in the business very long, why would he know that name?
Bernardo gave her a look that silenced her immediately.
Bernardo: You’ve heard of him haven’t you Joseph?
Joey: I can’t remember.
Bernardo: I’ve got some pictures actually, some memorabilia. I can show you after dinner.
Joey assessed the situation and took a deep breath. He was safe here; nothing would happen to him here. What did Bernardo want? Was he the one all along? The plane tickets, the hit men…he glanced to Alessandra once more. She gave him a reassuring nod.
Alessandra: I’m sure he’ll love it, won’t you darling?
Joey: Yeah, yeah. I’d love to.
Bernardo: Good! Food is delicious by the way Fran.
Joey slowly munched on his food, trapped in his own thoughts.
Francesca: You act surprised.
Paolo: Not surprised mother, take a compliment.
Francesca: Compliment taken. Alessandra, you’ve hardly touched yours, don’t be rude.
Alessandra stood up and looked at her father.
Alessandra: Not rude, not rude at all. Just not hungry right now mother, I’ll grab some later, just going to the bathroom.
She pushed the chair away and exited the kitchen quickly.
Joey: I’ll go too-
Bernardo: Nonsense, enjoy your food Joseph. I’ll see she’s okay. I’ll knock us a drink up in the drawing room, let the ladies…and Paolo wash up.
Paolo: Oh, charming.
Joey watched Bernardo leave and the tightness in his chest subsided a little.
Francesca: Don’t mind them, they get like this sometimes.
Joey: Oh-
Francesca: They’re too alike for their own good.
Paolo: At least I inherited only the good parts.
Francesca: Except for table manners, elbows off the table.
Joey smiled and looked at his son, still happily munching away. He can’t show any weakness, the next half hour could decide his life and his future.
The Sit Down.
Joey stood outside the drawing room and took a deep breath in, just as he was about to push the door open Alessandra appeared from inside, she looked flustered.
Alessandra: Joseph.
Joey: Al…
Alessandra hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.
Alessandra: Don’t be intimidated.
Joey: I have no intention of-
Alessandra: Listen, this isn’t someone you can bullshit or lie to. Please just…be truthful.
Joey: Got it. Is it that bad huh?
Alessandra: You’re safe, never think otherwise. Not a hair on your head will be touched, ever.
She smiled at him.
Alessandra: Do you trust me?
No, Joey thought.
Joey: Yes.
Joey lied.
Alessandra: Good. Have the scotch.
She kissed his forehead and stroked down his face, turning to leave. He turned toward the door and gave a knock.
Bernardo: Enter.
Joey pushed the door open to find Bernardo stood next to a drinks cabinet, pouring himself a glass of the aforementioned scotch. Joey stepped inside, the room was small and cosy, two large leather chairs were placed next to the centrepiece of the room, an open fire currently crackling away filled with logs, its glow giving the room its only light.
Bernardo: Do you drink scotch?
Joey: Yeah.
Bernardo: Good.
He poured a second glass and pointed at one of the chairs. Joey obliged and sat; Bernardo turned and brought the drink over. Joey accepted it with a thanks and Bernardo returned to the drinks cabinet.
Bernardo: I can smell your fear Joseph.
Joey froze. Don’t be intimidated.
Joey: I think that might be your wife’s cooking.
Ah fuck, think before you speak, stupid stupid stupid. Bernardo’s eyes narrowed and then he broke out into a smile.
Bernardo: Interesting. What went through your mind before you spoke then Joseph?
Joey looked at him and stuttered.
Joey: I-uh.
Bernardo: It was a rhetorical question. Here’s what’s going to happen, you’re going to sit there, drink your drink, hush that tongue of yours and listen. Say yes if you understand.
Joey: Y-yes.
Bernardo: I’m Alessandra’s father; I would shake your hand if it were a pleasure to meet you. Do you know who I am Joseph?
Joey: You’re-
Bernardo: I said shut the fuck up. You know who I am. Robert was a dear friend to me Joseph, he told me once of a kid he was grooming to take over from him one day, the kid got reckless and stupid and Robert decided to make him understand his place in the world so he can better survive and lead in this world. The kid disappears and then the moment the kid resurfaces I’m attending a funeral for my friend and his family. Do you want to know what I take from this Joseph?
Joey is silent.
Bernardo: It’s that the kid outgrew Robert Facchetti, the kid was taught his place in the world, the kid adapted and survived and the kid made a decision a leader would.
Bernardo took a sip.
Bernardo: You killed one of my closest associates Joseph. What would you do in my position, you may answer.
Joey: I’d kill me.
Bernardo: Correct. I’m going to be candid with you Joseph; I had a hit ready the moment I heard what happened to him. You were going to get another prisoner joining the cell with you and you were going to have your throat slit wide open. Do you know what stayed my hand?
Joey looked at the floor then at Bernardo.
Bernardo: Luck. My Alessandra met a young man at a charity wrestling event where he was making his debut. I heard tales about the ‘delightful Joseph’ and ‘how amazing he is’ for months. I didn’t put two and two together that he and Robert’s ‘kid’ would at all be one and the very same, until the night after my friend dies I have my baby girl on the phone to me crying, do you want to know what she said?
She said ‘Please protect him, please, please I will do anything, Joey’s done something stupid’. It became all very apparent. You are special to Alessandra.
He stepped toward Joey.
Bernardo: So, here I am, I have this person in front of me and I have three options. 1) Kill you right here. 2) Make sure you understand that you’re never to see my daughter nor my grandson again or 3) Accept you as a future member of family. Which should I do?
Joey didn’t answer.
Bernardo: Answer. Which should I do?
Don’t get intimidated Alessandra told him, don’t back down. This is the ultimate alpha male looming over you right now Joseph; this is one of the three most powerful bosses in all of Italy. This is a man who controls the very country from behind the curtain. Did Joey feel intimated, fuck yeah, but did Joey feel like this man was encroaching on his manhood and his pride? Fuck yeah. What was it? Don’t lie, don’t lie huh? Joey stood up.
Joey: I can tell you. It’s number four, you apologise to me, pour me another drink, sit down and rather than treating me like a scared child we talk like men. I’ve come here with nothing but respect, I know who you are but on my fucking word you talk to me like that again I’ll end you.
Bernardo stared at him for a few moments before taking a few steps toward Joey. The two men stared at each other for a few seconds before Bernardo raises his hand toward Joey, Joey slowly clasps his hand and they shake. Bernardo smiles.
Bernardo: Correct answer.
He takes Joey’s glass and refills it, then his own.
Bernardo: I don’t hate you Joseph, I don’t want you dead. I simply want to know if you are good enough for my little girl. I understand where you come from and how you’ve lived your life until now, you’ve done what you have to in order to get what you want. I’ve done the same. You need to quit being a criminal, stick to your wrestling, that’s your future. I will not have my grandson grow up without his father. You get out, and you stay out, understand?
Joey: Trust me, I don’t want it. I just want to wrestle, it’s just hard…
Bernardo: Enough, I’ll make it a clean break for you. No one will come after you. You know, I told myself I would hate it if my daughter ended up with a man like me.
He eyes Joey for a moment.
Bernardo: I was wrong.
The two men sit down in the chairs next to the fire. Joey looked into his glass, swirling the liquid. You don’t want me dead huh? Then what of the weird phone calls, the hit men. Joey wasn’t convinced…but Bernardo seemed truly sincere. Fine, bottoms up.
Pillow Talk.
The rest of the trip was without event, Joey and Christian bonded with the family. From hanging with Paolo, flirting with Francesca to late night chats over scotch with Bernardo it left him truly invigorated. All of his worries had been flushed away in the three days of bliss. Joey had finished packing and slumped into bed, it was their final night here before Joey had to return for Payback. Alessandra clicked the bedside lamp off.
Alessandra: How’ve you enjoyed it?
Joey: It’s been relatively painless.
Alessandra: Relative-ly…oh puntastic.
Joey: They’re lovely, really.
Alessandra: I had no idea you’d get on so well, to be fair I didn’t know what father was going to do, but you have his full stamp of approval. He’s even asking when you’re coming back. Mother is just as enamored.
She giggled.
Alessandra: You must have done something right.
Joey: I was just myself.
Alessandra: I told you, you’re stunning.
Joey: Stunning, good god shut up. This has been fun as fuck Al, real shit.
Alessandra: Oh real shit, the best kind. I’m glad. Christian loves it here.
Joey: Fuckin A. Your mother gives him anything he fuckin wants. I’d fuck her.
Alessandra: Uhh…
Joey: Your mother, I’d fuck her senseless.
Alessandra: Pillow talk at its best.
She punched him in the arm.
Alessandra: ‘I’ll fuck your mother!’
Joey: I didn’t say I will, I said I would. Shit if you look that in twenty years…
Alessandra: I’ll watch out for any future daughters boyfriends wanting to slip me their dick, warning served.
Joey laughed.
Joey: God. This has been fun. I really dreaded this.
Alessandra: Oh really? The cold sweats and constant sighs on the plane didn’t tell me so.
Joey: Nah that was just me needing a massive shit.
Alessandra: Jesus Joseph, if someone asked me how my fiancée got me to fuck him tonight I’d have to respond ‘He talked about fucking my mother and taking rancid shits on a plane’.
Joey: That’d work for me
Alessandra: Don’t make it worse for yourself, learn when to shut up. Let’s fuck then sleep, yeah?
She smiled.
Joey: Well done mind reader.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joey found himself awake; he glanced over to the clock to find it reading “2:33”. With a yawn he stepped out of bed and tottered down the hallway to the bathroom. After a good relieving piss he was intrigued by hearing loud voices from downstairs. The little curious thing Joey is he tiptoed to the top of the stairs, the muffled voices seemed to be in heated discussion. Joey heard three different pitch tones, all men, one voice in particular stood out to him. What the…where had he heard this voice before?
… if you need further information or want to talk to me again.
……. if you need further information or want to talk to me again.
……… if you need further information or want to talk to me again.
Motherfucker. ‘Sam’. The owner of that fucking voice from the telephone was downstairs. The cocksucker who had toyed with him and brought him out here. Dare he go down and look further? Course he fucking dares. Joey descended the stairs half way until he could see partially into the downstairs hallway.
Sam: Against all my good judgement I’ve let the cancer grow far too strong over her.
Voice #1: But-
Sam: I’ve seen this so many times, every time it has ended the same way. Am I so trusting of the evil bitches judgement that I haven’t taken care of this? Or maybe too considerate of fleeting feelings. Either way I have been stupid. I need not speak on this anymore. Carlo…
The owner of Voice #1, Carlo spoke up.
Carlo: I refuse.
Sam: Do not-
Carlo: What I mean, is we have one far more deserving of the job right here. This man knows the habits, the tendencies and the locations, just because the people we hired last time didn’t do the job, his information was correct. Why waste our time when it can be done quicker and more efficiently this way, don’t you agree?
Voice #2: I would relish the job.
Sam: If the bitch ever finds out, or even has an inkling, it’s your head, understand?
Voice #2: Where is the suspicion of another bad load of brown stuff gone wrong, another dead junkie on the streets.
All three men laughed.
Sam: Come, let us out and celebrate a fantastic holiday.
Joey stood shaking with shock on the stairs, these men…they were plotting his murder. It’s one thing to know someone wanted you dead, but to hear the motherfuckers planning this shit like you’re nothing in this world was another. The door creaked open and Joey saw light creep out, three men walked out…and straight out the front door. Fuck, Joey didn’t get to see them. He sprinted down the stairs and toward the sitting room window to get a glance of something, anything that might identify his would be killers.
There he was, last to climb into the car, you were slow motherfucker and now…this he didn’t expect, what was this man doing in Sicily? Fine, brazen cunts, at least the hunt will begin at home. Alessandra’s lifelong mentor, protector and godfather stepped into the car before it sped away.
Joey: I told you you were a dead man…Vincenzo.
The Full Body Best Friend Experience
Bunter’s was a pretty dank place, all taken into considerations. Nevertheless it was a custom to eat there after a match for Joey Flash. It had been a couple of days since his latest in ring conquest. Walking down the street, pursued by his Lionel cameraman, Hank Brown appears somewhat disgruntled having to come all the way out here just to get response from Joey Flash.
Hank: Damned Flash.
Lionel: What’s up now? Baby sick of traveling, baby sick of having to *gasp* work to get interviews like every other sorry bastard in this business, grow a set of balls.
Hank: Excuse me?
Lionel: Oh, nothing Mr Brown…prick.
After another 30 seconds or so they arrive at a fast foot joint.
Hank: Bunter’s? I would prefer to eat swill than eat the muck this place serves than what this imbecile Flash will be serving out his kisser.
Hank ambles around for a few seconds.
Hank (sighing): OK, let’s roll.
Lionel holds 5 fingers up, counting down to the feed.
Hank: He better be fucking in he…Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to WCF live! I’m Hank Brown reporting live and today am looking to find and get some words from Joey Flash!
Hank pushes the door open and steps inside. The place is absolutely tiny with the wall to the right only having room for three tables; the space to the left is not much bigger. We see two men sat at the far end of the room, next to the jukebox. The one we see the back of is clearly Flash, his hair flopping over the back of his white T-shirt, opposite sat a Hispanic man with dark eyes and a beard surrounding his chiseled face, discerning viewers will remember him as ‘Miguel’. The cameras approached them slowly.
Joey: We doing this by the numbers Mr Diaz?
The man looked at him for a moment.
Miguel: I have an idea, but it’s...interesting to say the least, they’ll come at you in a creative way.
Joey: I know already, it’s not if or how it’s fucking when that has me fucked up.
Miguel: You can’t let it get to you, they are hardly going to waltz in here with a gun and blast you in the head.
Hank: BANG!
Both Joey and Miguel duck out of the way in shock.
Hank: Bahahaha! You two fools! I scared you. Gimmie a high five L-Dog.
He holds his hand toward Lionel who blanks him.
Miguel: It seems we have some company
Joey: You fucking idiot Hank.
Miguel looks at Flash again before standing up and adjusting his suit, he bumps into Hank as he is walking out and turns to him.
Miguel: Watch where you are going, insect.
He then knocked a recently purchased burger from Hank’s hand and to the floor.
Joey: Hey Miguel...not now.
Miguel looks at Joey and smiles, holding a hand up as a goodbye as he strides out of the restaurant.
Joey: Fucking sit down, you look like an idiot.
Hank: What a rude son of a bitch I outta-
Joey: You outta do absolutely nothing.
Hank felt the sternness in his voice and decided not to push it. He sat down opposite Flash.
Hank: Just a quick word to discuss your plans for the future.
Joey: Plans? No, what’s going to happen is you’re going to finally apologise for the first time we met.
Hank: Huh?
Joey: You called me a ‘bum’ and a ‘no hoper’. Here I am, three months in and undefeated. Every man who has stepped through those ropes with me has been whitewashed and defeated clean in the centre of the ring. It’s fucking unprecedented Hank, I told you what would happen in that first interview, you didn’t believe, none of them believed but here we are witnessing the birth of the greatest legend this company will ever see.
Hank: Okay okay calm down Joe, you’re good. Happy?
Joey: That’s a start. Right I’m going to eat, so fuck off please Hank.
Hank: Pardon?
Joey: Take your burger.
He points to the floored burger.
Joey: And fuck off.
Hank sags and his head drops.
Hank: Okay, come on Lionel, it’s a shit hole in here anyway.
Hank and Lionel exit the café. Joey raises his hand and calls for a waitress.
Joey: I’ll have a double cheeseburger with fries.
She pens it down and nods with a smile heading to the counter.
Joey: Yeah, saturated fats all up in that bitch. Actually shieet…
Joey picks the menu up and studies it before shouting the waitress back.
Joey: Is this still being served?
Waitress: What dear?
Joey: The ‘Best friend experience’.
Waitress: Pardon?
Joey: I fuckin know it’s here somewhere, I’ve been restaurant to restaurant looking for it, and I just want to experience such joys.
Waitress: Uh, if you know what’s in it maybe I can have the chef knock something up…
Joey: It involves having a 6 foot 3, 280 pound muscle bound, oiled up, mentally deficient man falling in love with you, having him follow you around like a beautiful chiselled slab of human flesh, maybe if you’re lucky he’ll change his name to further cement your pact and bond of being best friends. I don’t ask for much in life, but I truly want it.
Waitress: We don’t have uh…
Joey: I’m fucking with you, just my cheeseburger.
The waitress leaves again with an agitated tut.
Joey: Walker Fucka Flame and Biohazard. The two greatest superstars to grace the hallowed WCF ring. If there were ever people synonymous with what it takes to be successful in this company you two legends take that spot above everyone and all. To finally be main eventing against such competition is all I’ve ever wanted as an athlete. Oh no wait, it’s Joey Flash sarcasm time again, I’m opening the card against you two bizarre motherfuckers.
So Joey Flash is once again successful in yet another defence at Payback, Ultimate Destroyer joins Occulo in the 0-2 against Joey Flash club. On to the next one, on to the next one, now I take the stupendous step down of facing the two biggest jobbers in the business this side of Bartkowski and Occy. You two and Ultimate Destroyer seem to be forever caught in a time loop of mediocrity, poor performances and unintelligible promos, where did they dig you all up from? I understand that every company needs some ‘enhancement’ talent, but you set of cocksuckers really take the piss. You wrestle so infrequently, so terribly it’s like the WCF has its own comedy division featuring you spastics. They might as well be filming in black and white with no sound from the arena and some fucker tinkling away on the piano as a soundtrack.
Seth thinks ‘Ah we have a spot in the card but no one to wrestle this week, damn what do we do?’ Then his mind turns to the inane grinning face of Tyler, that pleb Biohazard and Retardo the large. So your number comes up again, such is the lack of courage from any member in that ever growing locker room, ever growing with cowards and weak bastards. You get the dubious honour or having your skulls beat to mush by Joseph Flash. Usually the pair of you either fights each other, Ultimate Destroyer or A.N. Jobber. It’s pathetic that you’ve been forced into this position because now you have to go to face to face and toe to toe with the greatest talent that has ever graced the company. Fine.
Joey takes a sip of coffee.
Joey: My hunting ground is becoming so very sparse with game that now I have to seek out that lame starving pair of antelope slowly dying of atrophy. It’s good for you two though, you get one last shot, one last chance at relevance before you disappear again for X amount of weeks until the next bum needs a last minute opponent. You could shock the world, pull off the upset of the century and take the Television Title from the imperious champion. I feel even if you brought knives, guns, flamethrowers and a fuckin atomic bomb it wouldn’t be enough to see you through this challenge. One of you would be a sleepwalk, two of you is a cakewalk, you’d have to Agent Smith in Matrix Revolution the shit out of yourselves to make me break a sweat. I guess about a thousand T-Pain’s and Biohazard’s might get me a good stretch on before I hit the gym after the match.
You fucking fruitcakes, you ask either of these bitches if they’re gay, they couldn’t give you a straight answer. Tyler you spunk knuckled bastard, what in holy fuck is your deal? You gonna hop on my dick when I beat the shit out of you and your rectum wrecking buddy? Walker Flocka Flash. Just when I thought I’d scraped the barrel with the ridiculousness this place could throw at me out from the closet come you two bastards. How many lives do you have? Are you descended from cats? No matter how many times you get killed out there you motherfuckers just do not die. Biohazard turns his phone to vibrate, shoves it up his ass and tells Walker to call it and if he doesn’t answer…call it again.
I’m sick of it, I’m sick of allowing mediocrity to survive here. This is my world and you are peons in it, I control what happens, when it happens and how, and I’m going to end your careers, if they can be even called that. You’re hobbyists taking the odd foray into something beyond your capabilities, shit I’ve tried to play guitar and sing at an open mic night, does that mean I could have taken Jimi Hendrix’s place? What you do is the wrestling example of stumbling drunkenly onto a stage at a dive bar in front of five people and try to sing Wonderwall. Joey Flash’s name is up in lights in every major arena in the world for his art; do not presume to at all be mentioned in the same sentence as me. Only time that will happen is on your joint tombstone ‘Here lies Tyler ‘Space Werewolf Vampire Frankenstein Bride of fucking Chucky’ Walker and Biohazard, killed by Joey Flash’.
You have a combined win loss record of about 5-100. The five wins come against each other. I guess Seth really is my Don King. Keep getting dem checks Joey. I’m in two minds about this shit, I could get angry like I have been, I could force myself into facing ICE and ripping the title from him, I could attack Cairo every week, I could bad mouth Fly and Orbit even though they’re gone. But on seeing what happened at Payback, and what’s happening at the next Slam, it opened my eyes a little bit. Here we had all the ‘super rookies’ beating ten strips of shit out each other and fighting tooth and nail for a foothold here in the federation. We had Danny Van cunting Slade beat that faggot Orbit to win the Hardcore, Dune became Internet champion and Scarecrow beat two legends to win the People’s title. Now on Slam Dune gets a man whose name I’ve been calling for weeks in Jay Price while DVS and Scarecrow are fighting each other and Occy, Maelstrom and Fenix fight. Joey of last week would have burst into Lerch’s office, tossed him through a window and elbow dropped him from three stories high. I’m over it; they can slog, fight, bleed and break to get their money and their glory? Me? I’ll easily destroy the likes of BioWalker, kick back with a beer and enjoy the pain and struggle of the rest of these cunts.
What’s that, Joey Flash done gone soft?
With that the waitress arrives with Joey’s cheeseburger. He smiles and says thanks as the waitress leaves.
Waitress (under her breath): I don’t think Joey Flash done barely been hard in his life.
Joey takes a bite of his burger.
Joey: Now this is a tasty burger. I’m not going soft; I’m not doing anything of the sort. Wanna know what else Payback taught me? It’s that I don’t need to violate these people to get them to fight me, that clearly doesn’t work, if a shark swam up to you while you were paddling in the ocean and said ‘Hey, wanna go a bit further into the ocean with me?’ of course you fucking wouldn’t, softly softly catchee monkey. It also taught me how truly unquestionable my dominion over the World Championship Federation is. I’m the money maker; I’m the flagship, what is someone like me doing chasing flies? I will sit on my throne and I will rule. I’ll drop scraps to you peasants from time to time and quash any usurpers with consummate dominance. I saw the struggle of the people I’m being compared to, that think of themselves on my level, I watched and I laughed. I could have won all three titles the others fought hard to win as easy as taking a breath. I saw our fabled World Champion struggle, slip and nearly lose to someone I could thrash in five minutes. So here’s where I tell you what’s going to happen next. I’ll sit my throne, I will earn my money and I’ll let you go about your lives as happy, lovely, mediocrities. No more challenges, no more call outs, no more. What I will do though, is defend my Television Title same way I’m doing this week, same way I’ve been doing for months, same way I will until I decide I’m bored of it.
You want to fight me? Simply ask. It’s not hard, talk to me, talk to Seth and I’ll sign the contract the very next day. I’m not a hard man to find, unlike any other champion here I do what I say I’ll do, which is beat the fuck out of anyone who steps into the ring with me…
…which brings us full circle back to our lovely plucky duo BioWalker. How you think this shit is gonna go? You think cos everyone in the world can see what this match is that I’m going to sandbag this, go light or just expect to win? This isn’t how it works in my world. You only ever get my best, I’m going to dismantle each of you and make the other one watch, I’m going to manhandle both of you it’ll give you boners for days, you’ll be role playing the ‘Joey Flash rape’ fantasy time and time again as you get bossed, alpha’d dominated and thoroughly beaten at Slam. It’s getting tiresome; the pair of you are getting tiresome. I needn’t have even bothered wasting my breath on you, I’ll keep it short, it’s as simple as it gets, we fight, and you lose. End of discussion.
Two of the largest, most homo-erotically pink bodybags on deck, it’s over for both you motherfuckers.
END.
The following took place the week of Payback...
It was here, time to meet the family. Joey stepped out of the limousine and shielded his eyes from the sun as he looked toward the Allegri mansion, the sheer size was breath taking; it made Alessandra’s home look like a dolls playhouse. Joey, Alessandra and Christian had been picked up at the airport by a man with a sharp suit and the sign ‘Allegri’. As the car wound its way away from the city and into the Sicilian mountainside Joey felt his chest tighten, this was like something from a dream. Before he could gather his thoughts and process anything, how to act, how to look, how to speak, they had arrived and it was truly magnificent.
They had passed through no less than two security detailed gates on the way to the homestead, Joey’s awe grew and grew the further in they got, another five minutes brought them to the front door and out of the car. Joey’s awe turned into a green haze of envy in the blink of an eye. A man arrived to greet them, tall and thin with the hint of a days’ worth of stubble across his jaw. The man burst into a grin and Joey felt a bump on his shoulder as Alessandra brushed past him into the man’s arms. They hugged for a moment, whispering to each other and ending with a laugh.
Alessandra: You look amazing Paolo, you’ve lost so much weight I can hardly see you.
Paolo: You’re uh…
He scanned Joey and Christian.
Paolo: With extra baggage.
They shared a look and broke out in laughter. Joey was bemused. Paolo approached him, he looked so much like Al it was disconcerting, if he had makeup on Joey would probably have problems concealing his boner. Paolo extended his hand; Joey took, shook and smiled.
Joey: Joey, a pleasure.
Paolo: Gianpaolo, we’ve heard a lot about you Mr Joey.
I bet you fucking have.
Joey: You too, amazing place you have here. I’m…speechless.
Paolo: Hear that Alessandra, he’s speechless?
She giggled again.
Paolo: What about you little man?
Christian hid behind Joey, Joey bent down and stroked his son’s hair.
Joey: Don’t worry, this is your Uncle.
The little boy looked him in the eyes for affirmation before giving a wave to Paolo.
Alessandra: He’s shy, don’t worry.
Yeah, shy of greasy cunts. Alessandra made her way to Joey’s side and grasped his hand, stroking his knuckles with her thumb.
Paolo: Oh, where are my manners? We can’t wait out here all day, let’s get something to eat. Can you believe mother has cooked?
Alessandra: Bolognese?
Paolo: Bolognese.
Joey looked at Christian.
Joey: We like Bolognese don’t we champ?
Christian: Not mommy's. I gave Vincenzo my last plate.
Alessandra stood aghast as her brother laughed.
Paolo: Come in, father can’t wait to see you again Al, it’s so great you’re back.
She isn’t ‘back’ she is ‘visiting’. Curb your fucking tongue. Paolo pushed the door open and motioned for them to follow, Alessandra leant in toward Joey.
Alessandra: See, it’s not all bad.
Joey: I didn’t think it would be. Don’t worry.
But he was worried, he was scared fucking stiff.
They were led inside by Paolo; Joey returned back to awestruck mode, this was a marble, cashmere and silk paradise. Everywhere he looked was something of such majesty he felt like he actually was in a palace. The combined cost of this hallway alone was more than he had ever earned in his life. They wandered through the halls until the smell of onion and tomato flooded Joey’s nostrils.
Paolo: Mother, we have guests…
He brought them inside the kitchen where a woman was stirring a pot at the cooker. She turned toward them and Joey was instantly stunned by her beauty. He glanced to Alessandra then back to the woman, if she ages that well I’m in for a good ride. The woman dropped her spoon and hugged her daughter. She turned to look at Joey then Christian.
Mother: You must be Joseph, right?
She approached him with a smile; Joey took her hand and kissed it.
Joey: Mrs Allegri, a pleasure.
Her smile broadened.
Mother: The pleasure is all mine, hello bambino.
She bent toward Christian, he waved at her also, and she chuckled.
Mother: He looks so much like you Joseph. All the bad parts of Alessandra are out of his DNA too I hope!
Alessandra: That’s not fair, he has my eyes you know and I’m not happy with-
Her face dropped.
Alessandra: Hello father.
Joey felt his stomach shoot into his throat, he span round to find Alessandra’s father stood behind them. He was a man of about Joey’s height, but his presence alone cast a shadow across the entire room. His hair was a mix of silver and black, his chiseled clean shaven jaw housing another sweeping smile. He stepped toward Joey and wrapped his arm round Joey’s shoulders.
Bernardo: It’s time to eat.
Joey couldn’t even find himself able to make eye contact; he simply glanced at Alessandra who was smiling a great grin. Vipers nest came to Joey’s mind; this was going to be brutal.
Family Dinner
The table was filled from top to bottom with pastas, sauces, meat and breads, the aroma of fresh baking bringing an air of relaxation to Joey as he sat opposite Alessandra, he smiled an awkward grin at her. She was sat next to her brother with Christian next to Joey. The patriarch and matriarch sat at either end of the table. Bernardo reached out and grabbed a slice of bread, spreading thick butter onto it.
Bernardo: You don’t have to wait for my say so, eat!
He smiled and Joey reached toward some bread himself.
Bernardo: Not you, ladies first.
Joey froze in his tracks, he couldn’t believe it, right from the off he was made to look an absolute punk, he felt his face flush with embarrassment, he looked at Alessandra who could barely suppress a laugh, he heard laughter from the others at the table and then from Bernardo.
Bernardo: Got him, Joseph, don’t worry, have all the bread you like.
Joey sat back down, bread in hand and shame on his face.
Joey: The bread smells delicious; I can’t wait to try it, thank you Mrs Allegri.
Next to him Christian was tucking in with great fervour to some spaghetti, sauce already plastered around his mouth.
Mother: Francesca, please. What a polite young man you’ve found Alessandra.
Alessandra: He has his moments.
Joey began munching on the bread and slopped some pasta and chicken onto his plate before drowning it with tomato sauce and spices.
Francesca: He has an appetite like your father.
Joey and Bernardo were both devouring the food. Bernardo paused, dabbed at his mouth with a serviette.
Bernardo: So Joseph, you’re a ‘wrestler’.
Christian: Yep, daddy’s amazing!
Bernardo: Is that so? Enjoy your meal little one, I’ve got a present for you if you finish it all.
Christian: Yay!
Joey: Yeah I’m a wrestler. It’s fun, but tough work.
Francesca: Well mannered, fit and strong, Alessandra, well done.
Bernardo: That business, it’s not really a long term sustainable thing though is it?
Joey: I dunno about that, I’m only just starting and it’s going great. I’m going to make a lot of money to take care of your daughter with.
Bernardo chuckled.
Bernardo: I don’t think we need to be concerned about money Joseph; she is well taken care of. I just don’t want her to be let down or hurt, do you understand?
Joey: Yeah I understand-
Alessandra: Father, enough. He’s-
Bernardo held his hand up to stop her.
Bernardo: I had a friend in the same business as you once. It didn’t end so well for him.
Joey: I’m sorry to hear that, it can be a brutal and unforgiving world in the ring, what happened to him? Maybe I know him, what’s he called?
Bernardo: What was he called.
Joey: Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t upset-
Bernardo: And you didn’t. He got caught up in a feud with the wrong person and it didn’t end so well, but I guess…accidents happen don’t they Joseph?
Joey hung his head.
Bernardo: You might have heard of him, his name in the business was Robert Facchetti.
Joey felt a shudder trickle from the base of his neck right down his spine. His hot flush was turned to pale whiteness as the blood rushed from his face. He’s using this dinner to threaten me. His family was all there, everyone was smiling and everyone was happy, Bernardo was even mussing the hair on Christian’s head as he spoke. Paolo and Francesca seemed oblivious, but Alessandra seemed as taken aback as Joey, he knew that look, she was angry.
Alessandra: Joseph hasn’t been in the business very long, why would he know that name?
Bernardo gave her a look that silenced her immediately.
Bernardo: You’ve heard of him haven’t you Joseph?
Joey: I can’t remember.
Bernardo: I’ve got some pictures actually, some memorabilia. I can show you after dinner.
Joey assessed the situation and took a deep breath. He was safe here; nothing would happen to him here. What did Bernardo want? Was he the one all along? The plane tickets, the hit men…he glanced to Alessandra once more. She gave him a reassuring nod.
Alessandra: I’m sure he’ll love it, won’t you darling?
Joey: Yeah, yeah. I’d love to.
Bernardo: Good! Food is delicious by the way Fran.
Joey slowly munched on his food, trapped in his own thoughts.
Francesca: You act surprised.
Paolo: Not surprised mother, take a compliment.
Francesca: Compliment taken. Alessandra, you’ve hardly touched yours, don’t be rude.
Alessandra stood up and looked at her father.
Alessandra: Not rude, not rude at all. Just not hungry right now mother, I’ll grab some later, just going to the bathroom.
She pushed the chair away and exited the kitchen quickly.
Joey: I’ll go too-
Bernardo: Nonsense, enjoy your food Joseph. I’ll see she’s okay. I’ll knock us a drink up in the drawing room, let the ladies…and Paolo wash up.
Paolo: Oh, charming.
Joey watched Bernardo leave and the tightness in his chest subsided a little.
Francesca: Don’t mind them, they get like this sometimes.
Joey: Oh-
Francesca: They’re too alike for their own good.
Paolo: At least I inherited only the good parts.
Francesca: Except for table manners, elbows off the table.
Joey smiled and looked at his son, still happily munching away. He can’t show any weakness, the next half hour could decide his life and his future.
The Sit Down.
Joey stood outside the drawing room and took a deep breath in, just as he was about to push the door open Alessandra appeared from inside, she looked flustered.
Alessandra: Joseph.
Joey: Al…
Alessandra hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.
Alessandra: Don’t be intimidated.
Joey: I have no intention of-
Alessandra: Listen, this isn’t someone you can bullshit or lie to. Please just…be truthful.
Joey: Got it. Is it that bad huh?
Alessandra: You’re safe, never think otherwise. Not a hair on your head will be touched, ever.
She smiled at him.
Alessandra: Do you trust me?
No, Joey thought.
Joey: Yes.
Joey lied.
Alessandra: Good. Have the scotch.
She kissed his forehead and stroked down his face, turning to leave. He turned toward the door and gave a knock.
Bernardo: Enter.
Joey pushed the door open to find Bernardo stood next to a drinks cabinet, pouring himself a glass of the aforementioned scotch. Joey stepped inside, the room was small and cosy, two large leather chairs were placed next to the centrepiece of the room, an open fire currently crackling away filled with logs, its glow giving the room its only light.
Bernardo: Do you drink scotch?
Joey: Yeah.
Bernardo: Good.
He poured a second glass and pointed at one of the chairs. Joey obliged and sat; Bernardo turned and brought the drink over. Joey accepted it with a thanks and Bernardo returned to the drinks cabinet.
Bernardo: I can smell your fear Joseph.
Joey froze. Don’t be intimidated.
Joey: I think that might be your wife’s cooking.
Ah fuck, think before you speak, stupid stupid stupid. Bernardo’s eyes narrowed and then he broke out into a smile.
Bernardo: Interesting. What went through your mind before you spoke then Joseph?
Joey looked at him and stuttered.
Joey: I-uh.
Bernardo: It was a rhetorical question. Here’s what’s going to happen, you’re going to sit there, drink your drink, hush that tongue of yours and listen. Say yes if you understand.
Joey: Y-yes.
Bernardo: I’m Alessandra’s father; I would shake your hand if it were a pleasure to meet you. Do you know who I am Joseph?
Joey: You’re-
Bernardo: I said shut the fuck up. You know who I am. Robert was a dear friend to me Joseph, he told me once of a kid he was grooming to take over from him one day, the kid got reckless and stupid and Robert decided to make him understand his place in the world so he can better survive and lead in this world. The kid disappears and then the moment the kid resurfaces I’m attending a funeral for my friend and his family. Do you want to know what I take from this Joseph?
Joey is silent.
Bernardo: It’s that the kid outgrew Robert Facchetti, the kid was taught his place in the world, the kid adapted and survived and the kid made a decision a leader would.
Bernardo took a sip.
Bernardo: You killed one of my closest associates Joseph. What would you do in my position, you may answer.
Joey: I’d kill me.
Bernardo: Correct. I’m going to be candid with you Joseph; I had a hit ready the moment I heard what happened to him. You were going to get another prisoner joining the cell with you and you were going to have your throat slit wide open. Do you know what stayed my hand?
Joey looked at the floor then at Bernardo.
Bernardo: Luck. My Alessandra met a young man at a charity wrestling event where he was making his debut. I heard tales about the ‘delightful Joseph’ and ‘how amazing he is’ for months. I didn’t put two and two together that he and Robert’s ‘kid’ would at all be one and the very same, until the night after my friend dies I have my baby girl on the phone to me crying, do you want to know what she said?
She said ‘Please protect him, please, please I will do anything, Joey’s done something stupid’. It became all very apparent. You are special to Alessandra.
He stepped toward Joey.
Bernardo: So, here I am, I have this person in front of me and I have three options. 1) Kill you right here. 2) Make sure you understand that you’re never to see my daughter nor my grandson again or 3) Accept you as a future member of family. Which should I do?
Joey didn’t answer.
Bernardo: Answer. Which should I do?
Don’t get intimidated Alessandra told him, don’t back down. This is the ultimate alpha male looming over you right now Joseph; this is one of the three most powerful bosses in all of Italy. This is a man who controls the very country from behind the curtain. Did Joey feel intimated, fuck yeah, but did Joey feel like this man was encroaching on his manhood and his pride? Fuck yeah. What was it? Don’t lie, don’t lie huh? Joey stood up.
Joey: I can tell you. It’s number four, you apologise to me, pour me another drink, sit down and rather than treating me like a scared child we talk like men. I’ve come here with nothing but respect, I know who you are but on my fucking word you talk to me like that again I’ll end you.
Bernardo stared at him for a few moments before taking a few steps toward Joey. The two men stared at each other for a few seconds before Bernardo raises his hand toward Joey, Joey slowly clasps his hand and they shake. Bernardo smiles.
Bernardo: Correct answer.
He takes Joey’s glass and refills it, then his own.
Bernardo: I don’t hate you Joseph, I don’t want you dead. I simply want to know if you are good enough for my little girl. I understand where you come from and how you’ve lived your life until now, you’ve done what you have to in order to get what you want. I’ve done the same. You need to quit being a criminal, stick to your wrestling, that’s your future. I will not have my grandson grow up without his father. You get out, and you stay out, understand?
Joey: Trust me, I don’t want it. I just want to wrestle, it’s just hard…
Bernardo: Enough, I’ll make it a clean break for you. No one will come after you. You know, I told myself I would hate it if my daughter ended up with a man like me.
He eyes Joey for a moment.
Bernardo: I was wrong.
The two men sit down in the chairs next to the fire. Joey looked into his glass, swirling the liquid. You don’t want me dead huh? Then what of the weird phone calls, the hit men. Joey wasn’t convinced…but Bernardo seemed truly sincere. Fine, bottoms up.
Pillow Talk.
The rest of the trip was without event, Joey and Christian bonded with the family. From hanging with Paolo, flirting with Francesca to late night chats over scotch with Bernardo it left him truly invigorated. All of his worries had been flushed away in the three days of bliss. Joey had finished packing and slumped into bed, it was their final night here before Joey had to return for Payback. Alessandra clicked the bedside lamp off.
Alessandra: How’ve you enjoyed it?
Joey: It’s been relatively painless.
Alessandra: Relative-ly…oh puntastic.
Joey: They’re lovely, really.
Alessandra: I had no idea you’d get on so well, to be fair I didn’t know what father was going to do, but you have his full stamp of approval. He’s even asking when you’re coming back. Mother is just as enamored.
She giggled.
Alessandra: You must have done something right.
Joey: I was just myself.
Alessandra: I told you, you’re stunning.
Joey: Stunning, good god shut up. This has been fun as fuck Al, real shit.
Alessandra: Oh real shit, the best kind. I’m glad. Christian loves it here.
Joey: Fuckin A. Your mother gives him anything he fuckin wants. I’d fuck her.
Alessandra: Uhh…
Joey: Your mother, I’d fuck her senseless.
Alessandra: Pillow talk at its best.
She punched him in the arm.
Alessandra: ‘I’ll fuck your mother!’
Joey: I didn’t say I will, I said I would. Shit if you look that in twenty years…
Alessandra: I’ll watch out for any future daughters boyfriends wanting to slip me their dick, warning served.
Joey laughed.
Joey: God. This has been fun. I really dreaded this.
Alessandra: Oh really? The cold sweats and constant sighs on the plane didn’t tell me so.
Joey: Nah that was just me needing a massive shit.
Alessandra: Jesus Joseph, if someone asked me how my fiancée got me to fuck him tonight I’d have to respond ‘He talked about fucking my mother and taking rancid shits on a plane’.
Joey: That’d work for me
Alessandra: Don’t make it worse for yourself, learn when to shut up. Let’s fuck then sleep, yeah?
She smiled.
Joey: Well done mind reader.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joey found himself awake; he glanced over to the clock to find it reading “2:33”. With a yawn he stepped out of bed and tottered down the hallway to the bathroom. After a good relieving piss he was intrigued by hearing loud voices from downstairs. The little curious thing Joey is he tiptoed to the top of the stairs, the muffled voices seemed to be in heated discussion. Joey heard three different pitch tones, all men, one voice in particular stood out to him. What the…where had he heard this voice before?
… if you need further information or want to talk to me again.
……. if you need further information or want to talk to me again.
……… if you need further information or want to talk to me again.
Motherfucker. ‘Sam’. The owner of that fucking voice from the telephone was downstairs. The cocksucker who had toyed with him and brought him out here. Dare he go down and look further? Course he fucking dares. Joey descended the stairs half way until he could see partially into the downstairs hallway.
Sam: Against all my good judgement I’ve let the cancer grow far too strong over her.
Voice #1: But-
Sam: I’ve seen this so many times, every time it has ended the same way. Am I so trusting of the evil bitches judgement that I haven’t taken care of this? Or maybe too considerate of fleeting feelings. Either way I have been stupid. I need not speak on this anymore. Carlo…
The owner of Voice #1, Carlo spoke up.
Carlo: I refuse.
Sam: Do not-
Carlo: What I mean, is we have one far more deserving of the job right here. This man knows the habits, the tendencies and the locations, just because the people we hired last time didn’t do the job, his information was correct. Why waste our time when it can be done quicker and more efficiently this way, don’t you agree?
Voice #2: I would relish the job.
Sam: If the bitch ever finds out, or even has an inkling, it’s your head, understand?
Voice #2: Where is the suspicion of another bad load of brown stuff gone wrong, another dead junkie on the streets.
All three men laughed.
Sam: Come, let us out and celebrate a fantastic holiday.
Joey stood shaking with shock on the stairs, these men…they were plotting his murder. It’s one thing to know someone wanted you dead, but to hear the motherfuckers planning this shit like you’re nothing in this world was another. The door creaked open and Joey saw light creep out, three men walked out…and straight out the front door. Fuck, Joey didn’t get to see them. He sprinted down the stairs and toward the sitting room window to get a glance of something, anything that might identify his would be killers.
There he was, last to climb into the car, you were slow motherfucker and now…this he didn’t expect, what was this man doing in Sicily? Fine, brazen cunts, at least the hunt will begin at home. Alessandra’s lifelong mentor, protector and godfather stepped into the car before it sped away.
Joey: I told you you were a dead man…Vincenzo.
The Full Body Best Friend Experience
Bunter’s was a pretty dank place, all taken into considerations. Nevertheless it was a custom to eat there after a match for Joey Flash. It had been a couple of days since his latest in ring conquest. Walking down the street, pursued by his Lionel cameraman, Hank Brown appears somewhat disgruntled having to come all the way out here just to get response from Joey Flash.
Hank: Damned Flash.
Lionel: What’s up now? Baby sick of traveling, baby sick of having to *gasp* work to get interviews like every other sorry bastard in this business, grow a set of balls.
Hank: Excuse me?
Lionel: Oh, nothing Mr Brown…prick.
After another 30 seconds or so they arrive at a fast foot joint.
Hank: Bunter’s? I would prefer to eat swill than eat the muck this place serves than what this imbecile Flash will be serving out his kisser.
Hank ambles around for a few seconds.
Hank (sighing): OK, let’s roll.
Lionel holds 5 fingers up, counting down to the feed.
Hank: He better be fucking in he…Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to WCF live! I’m Hank Brown reporting live and today am looking to find and get some words from Joey Flash!
Hank pushes the door open and steps inside. The place is absolutely tiny with the wall to the right only having room for three tables; the space to the left is not much bigger. We see two men sat at the far end of the room, next to the jukebox. The one we see the back of is clearly Flash, his hair flopping over the back of his white T-shirt, opposite sat a Hispanic man with dark eyes and a beard surrounding his chiseled face, discerning viewers will remember him as ‘Miguel’. The cameras approached them slowly.
Joey: We doing this by the numbers Mr Diaz?
The man looked at him for a moment.
Miguel: I have an idea, but it’s...interesting to say the least, they’ll come at you in a creative way.
Joey: I know already, it’s not if or how it’s fucking when that has me fucked up.
Miguel: You can’t let it get to you, they are hardly going to waltz in here with a gun and blast you in the head.
Hank: BANG!
Both Joey and Miguel duck out of the way in shock.
Hank: Bahahaha! You two fools! I scared you. Gimmie a high five L-Dog.
He holds his hand toward Lionel who blanks him.
Miguel: It seems we have some company
Joey: You fucking idiot Hank.
Miguel looks at Flash again before standing up and adjusting his suit, he bumps into Hank as he is walking out and turns to him.
Miguel: Watch where you are going, insect.
He then knocked a recently purchased burger from Hank’s hand and to the floor.
Joey: Hey Miguel...not now.
Miguel looks at Joey and smiles, holding a hand up as a goodbye as he strides out of the restaurant.
Joey: Fucking sit down, you look like an idiot.
Hank: What a rude son of a bitch I outta-
Joey: You outta do absolutely nothing.
Hank felt the sternness in his voice and decided not to push it. He sat down opposite Flash.
Hank: Just a quick word to discuss your plans for the future.
Joey: Plans? No, what’s going to happen is you’re going to finally apologise for the first time we met.
Hank: Huh?
Joey: You called me a ‘bum’ and a ‘no hoper’. Here I am, three months in and undefeated. Every man who has stepped through those ropes with me has been whitewashed and defeated clean in the centre of the ring. It’s fucking unprecedented Hank, I told you what would happen in that first interview, you didn’t believe, none of them believed but here we are witnessing the birth of the greatest legend this company will ever see.
Hank: Okay okay calm down Joe, you’re good. Happy?
Joey: That’s a start. Right I’m going to eat, so fuck off please Hank.
Hank: Pardon?
Joey: Take your burger.
He points to the floored burger.
Joey: And fuck off.
Hank sags and his head drops.
Hank: Okay, come on Lionel, it’s a shit hole in here anyway.
Hank and Lionel exit the café. Joey raises his hand and calls for a waitress.
Joey: I’ll have a double cheeseburger with fries.
She pens it down and nods with a smile heading to the counter.
Joey: Yeah, saturated fats all up in that bitch. Actually shieet…
Joey picks the menu up and studies it before shouting the waitress back.
Joey: Is this still being served?
Waitress: What dear?
Joey: The ‘Best friend experience’.
Waitress: Pardon?
Joey: I fuckin know it’s here somewhere, I’ve been restaurant to restaurant looking for it, and I just want to experience such joys.
Waitress: Uh, if you know what’s in it maybe I can have the chef knock something up…
Joey: It involves having a 6 foot 3, 280 pound muscle bound, oiled up, mentally deficient man falling in love with you, having him follow you around like a beautiful chiselled slab of human flesh, maybe if you’re lucky he’ll change his name to further cement your pact and bond of being best friends. I don’t ask for much in life, but I truly want it.
Waitress: We don’t have uh…
Joey: I’m fucking with you, just my cheeseburger.
The waitress leaves again with an agitated tut.
Joey: Walker Fucka Flame and Biohazard. The two greatest superstars to grace the hallowed WCF ring. If there were ever people synonymous with what it takes to be successful in this company you two legends take that spot above everyone and all. To finally be main eventing against such competition is all I’ve ever wanted as an athlete. Oh no wait, it’s Joey Flash sarcasm time again, I’m opening the card against you two bizarre motherfuckers.
So Joey Flash is once again successful in yet another defence at Payback, Ultimate Destroyer joins Occulo in the 0-2 against Joey Flash club. On to the next one, on to the next one, now I take the stupendous step down of facing the two biggest jobbers in the business this side of Bartkowski and Occy. You two and Ultimate Destroyer seem to be forever caught in a time loop of mediocrity, poor performances and unintelligible promos, where did they dig you all up from? I understand that every company needs some ‘enhancement’ talent, but you set of cocksuckers really take the piss. You wrestle so infrequently, so terribly it’s like the WCF has its own comedy division featuring you spastics. They might as well be filming in black and white with no sound from the arena and some fucker tinkling away on the piano as a soundtrack.
Seth thinks ‘Ah we have a spot in the card but no one to wrestle this week, damn what do we do?’ Then his mind turns to the inane grinning face of Tyler, that pleb Biohazard and Retardo the large. So your number comes up again, such is the lack of courage from any member in that ever growing locker room, ever growing with cowards and weak bastards. You get the dubious honour or having your skulls beat to mush by Joseph Flash. Usually the pair of you either fights each other, Ultimate Destroyer or A.N. Jobber. It’s pathetic that you’ve been forced into this position because now you have to go to face to face and toe to toe with the greatest talent that has ever graced the company. Fine.
Joey takes a sip of coffee.
Joey: My hunting ground is becoming so very sparse with game that now I have to seek out that lame starving pair of antelope slowly dying of atrophy. It’s good for you two though, you get one last shot, one last chance at relevance before you disappear again for X amount of weeks until the next bum needs a last minute opponent. You could shock the world, pull off the upset of the century and take the Television Title from the imperious champion. I feel even if you brought knives, guns, flamethrowers and a fuckin atomic bomb it wouldn’t be enough to see you through this challenge. One of you would be a sleepwalk, two of you is a cakewalk, you’d have to Agent Smith in Matrix Revolution the shit out of yourselves to make me break a sweat. I guess about a thousand T-Pain’s and Biohazard’s might get me a good stretch on before I hit the gym after the match.
You fucking fruitcakes, you ask either of these bitches if they’re gay, they couldn’t give you a straight answer. Tyler you spunk knuckled bastard, what in holy fuck is your deal? You gonna hop on my dick when I beat the shit out of you and your rectum wrecking buddy? Walker Flocka Flash. Just when I thought I’d scraped the barrel with the ridiculousness this place could throw at me out from the closet come you two bastards. How many lives do you have? Are you descended from cats? No matter how many times you get killed out there you motherfuckers just do not die. Biohazard turns his phone to vibrate, shoves it up his ass and tells Walker to call it and if he doesn’t answer…call it again.
I’m sick of it, I’m sick of allowing mediocrity to survive here. This is my world and you are peons in it, I control what happens, when it happens and how, and I’m going to end your careers, if they can be even called that. You’re hobbyists taking the odd foray into something beyond your capabilities, shit I’ve tried to play guitar and sing at an open mic night, does that mean I could have taken Jimi Hendrix’s place? What you do is the wrestling example of stumbling drunkenly onto a stage at a dive bar in front of five people and try to sing Wonderwall. Joey Flash’s name is up in lights in every major arena in the world for his art; do not presume to at all be mentioned in the same sentence as me. Only time that will happen is on your joint tombstone ‘Here lies Tyler ‘Space Werewolf Vampire Frankenstein Bride of fucking Chucky’ Walker and Biohazard, killed by Joey Flash’.
You have a combined win loss record of about 5-100. The five wins come against each other. I guess Seth really is my Don King. Keep getting dem checks Joey. I’m in two minds about this shit, I could get angry like I have been, I could force myself into facing ICE and ripping the title from him, I could attack Cairo every week, I could bad mouth Fly and Orbit even though they’re gone. But on seeing what happened at Payback, and what’s happening at the next Slam, it opened my eyes a little bit. Here we had all the ‘super rookies’ beating ten strips of shit out each other and fighting tooth and nail for a foothold here in the federation. We had Danny Van cunting Slade beat that faggot Orbit to win the Hardcore, Dune became Internet champion and Scarecrow beat two legends to win the People’s title. Now on Slam Dune gets a man whose name I’ve been calling for weeks in Jay Price while DVS and Scarecrow are fighting each other and Occy, Maelstrom and Fenix fight. Joey of last week would have burst into Lerch’s office, tossed him through a window and elbow dropped him from three stories high. I’m over it; they can slog, fight, bleed and break to get their money and their glory? Me? I’ll easily destroy the likes of BioWalker, kick back with a beer and enjoy the pain and struggle of the rest of these cunts.
What’s that, Joey Flash done gone soft?
With that the waitress arrives with Joey’s cheeseburger. He smiles and says thanks as the waitress leaves.
Waitress (under her breath): I don’t think Joey Flash done barely been hard in his life.
Joey takes a bite of his burger.
Joey: Now this is a tasty burger. I’m not going soft; I’m not doing anything of the sort. Wanna know what else Payback taught me? It’s that I don’t need to violate these people to get them to fight me, that clearly doesn’t work, if a shark swam up to you while you were paddling in the ocean and said ‘Hey, wanna go a bit further into the ocean with me?’ of course you fucking wouldn’t, softly softly catchee monkey. It also taught me how truly unquestionable my dominion over the World Championship Federation is. I’m the money maker; I’m the flagship, what is someone like me doing chasing flies? I will sit on my throne and I will rule. I’ll drop scraps to you peasants from time to time and quash any usurpers with consummate dominance. I saw the struggle of the people I’m being compared to, that think of themselves on my level, I watched and I laughed. I could have won all three titles the others fought hard to win as easy as taking a breath. I saw our fabled World Champion struggle, slip and nearly lose to someone I could thrash in five minutes. So here’s where I tell you what’s going to happen next. I’ll sit my throne, I will earn my money and I’ll let you go about your lives as happy, lovely, mediocrities. No more challenges, no more call outs, no more. What I will do though, is defend my Television Title same way I’m doing this week, same way I’ve been doing for months, same way I will until I decide I’m bored of it.
You want to fight me? Simply ask. It’s not hard, talk to me, talk to Seth and I’ll sign the contract the very next day. I’m not a hard man to find, unlike any other champion here I do what I say I’ll do, which is beat the fuck out of anyone who steps into the ring with me…
…which brings us full circle back to our lovely plucky duo BioWalker. How you think this shit is gonna go? You think cos everyone in the world can see what this match is that I’m going to sandbag this, go light or just expect to win? This isn’t how it works in my world. You only ever get my best, I’m going to dismantle each of you and make the other one watch, I’m going to manhandle both of you it’ll give you boners for days, you’ll be role playing the ‘Joey Flash rape’ fantasy time and time again as you get bossed, alpha’d dominated and thoroughly beaten at Slam. It’s getting tiresome; the pair of you are getting tiresome. I needn’t have even bothered wasting my breath on you, I’ll keep it short, it’s as simple as it gets, we fight, and you lose. End of discussion.
Two of the largest, most homo-erotically pink bodybags on deck, it’s over for both you motherfuckers.
END.
