WCF: The Halloween Party
Oct 26, 2014 11:13:11 GMT -5
Chelsea Armstrong, Alex Richards, and 2 more like this
Post by Natural ICE Beckman on Oct 26, 2014 11:13:11 GMT -5
Trick or Trick, we now meet,
Give me something good to beat,
If you don’t, I don’t care
I’ll Still pull down your underwear!
(Natural ICE Beckman is taking a break from a busy week of Getting to Know ‘Um Missions to do a little partying. ICE is walking down the one road around Foam Lake. The sun is beginning to set on the scene and the sky seems to be alive with fire and the reflecting dying sun is dancing off the water as ICE peeks through the pines along his way to the Halloween party held at the mayor’s house. ICE feels the coming winter in his bones, but unlike an old man who might find the coming cold as annoyance to his joints, ICE feels it like a shot of B12 to his soul, his spirit, and it makes him smile, it makes him think and it makes him want to write poetry with his words. Not the kind of poetry that makes one comforted in the times of troubles, no rather on this night of ghouls and the ghosts, the kind of words that will haunt the careers of his WCF opponents from this match and the rest of the career.)
ICE: Let’s start with nice things, hell, I never talk about the nice things about those I am facing. Because usually, fuck them, right? And in this case, that couldn’t be more literally with one of them. But I have to say Pack, you seemed entertaining with all your big attacks, you seem nice, fuck you seem to like me even after a most of you I have put into place time after time. The Pet of the Pack might not get the memo, but he will soon enough for animals are creatures of routine. And the big bitter Scot is still so angry at the world that his opinions are more nothing more than mindless rage at this point. But who can blame him after having to deal with Sequitus as friends for all that time. I would also mention Chase, but like usual there really is no reason expect for remind the world that the lone wolf runs with so many these days he is either no longer lone or just a fucking liar.
(ICE has to stop and smile as somewhere he hears a northern woods wolf howl.)
ICE: But the time for nice has long drifted down the line and don’t blame me for what is going to happen next? I am not the one who dared form up against the Vapor Kings. And yes, while I not teamed up with other Kings, there is still a point to be made. Last week Orbit and McMorris made that fucking point once again, just like they will again at Helloween, just like I will as well. We are here to kill the WCF and let it be reborn as the Kingdom of the Vapor. Sorry to drop off the ticking time bomb Pack, but I didn’t light the fuse...you did.
(ICE keeps walking alone the road as the sung keeps setting over his shoulder.)
ICE: But just like my career where I take it as one match at a time, I am going to take this match one wrestler at a time. Starting with the whipped warrior, the trash eating, bottom feeding, Pet of the Pack...Hyena. Last week I dropped you so hard and swift with the 100 Proof Shot you are still probably howling at the ringing in your ears. But my only fear is that I finally knocked some sense into that fucked up brain of yours. Otherwise you will just be the same old bewildered beast lost somewhere between the world of humanity and critter; not succeeding at either.
(ICE begins to get in character for the costume party by finding a beer from his stretched out back pocket.)
ICE: Then we have the comedy relief of the Pack, a role I have perfected, while Richards seems to struggle with it every step he makes. Truly he is an example of one step forward and two steps back, unless it’s towards the buffet, then it’s as many steps straight fucking forward until they are all out of meat products. Face it Richards, you are nothing more than my fat shadow. And I say that with all the respect you deserve; I will let you try and figure out how much respect I got for you. Or you can just wait till Sunday and figure it out by the level of pain I make you feel. Your choice.
(ICE keeps walking, drinking his beer and feeling ready to party.)
ICE: Then we have the “out of this world as a good thing”, Mr. Jay Omega. You know I didn’t know they made rich people in Canada. I just figured you all lived in igloos and when you weren’t watching hockey you were dreaming of living in America. And look at you Omega, the U.S. Fucking Champion, a belt I won in three fucking matches in the WCF. The belt I didn’t lose, just upgraded. Canada must be real fucking proud of you Omega, but I ain’t, hell at least a Mexican champion would have been hard working. Face it Champ, McMorris will take it back if he wants feels like it and if you aren’t fearing his return, me or the entire Vapor King entity, then confusion and delusion are your BB fuckin’ Fs.
(ICE stops and remembers a conversation he had with Father Ron at the local choice earlier that day.)
ICE: Not let me just stop for a second and talk to my boss. My ego tripping, balls licking, lolli-popped shaped, penis fuck of a boss...Sethy Boy. Or as his mother probably calls him, “Wibble dibble pooey wooey bear”. I need to you to understand two fucking things going into this match: first I need to you admit publicly that the Vapor Kings are the current ruling stable in the WCF and second I need some things...VIP Parking, a new truck, a personal VIP locker room complete with body guard...and by body guard I don’t mean some weak jobber....and-, you know what I will just e-mail the complete list.
(ICE continues to walk down the one road that wraps around Foam Lake.)
ICE: Then there is the big Scottish loving Canuck Coremuck Hackneill. You know MacNeill I am pretty happy to finally get a chance to knock you down from your high horse. What’s that? You didn’t know you sat on a high horse? My friend you know your shit stinks but you still troll along like it doesn’t and maybe that is why I really don’t like you. Or maybe it is your link history with Caliban and the whole pit stain that was Sequitus. Maybe for it is what you call power and strength, I call diabetes and an early grave. Or maybe because I think you are more just fat around the waist, but fat around the hard work of others and you are looking to do so again with my girl’s stable. And maybe it is just that stupid grin on your face that I don’t like, either way, let’s just say I am looking forward to Helloween.
(ICE flashes his trademark “I enjoy myself a lot” smile and keeps walking as the sun has nearly forgot the day behind the horizon.)
ICE: Finally the captin to be, hopefully ready not to go down with her sinking ship. Hopefully she will have sense enough to run, to flee, for I promise her no protection until the bell rings and my hand is raised. But she knows that, she is nobody’s fool, something she has proven with her every action in the WCF. Well, expect for one...the way our game started back in the Trios Cup. I admit it began as a game and I got the win. And that is all I have to remind people about that. For I hope Chelsea hears them and they ring instead her head, but she is lovely, she is talented, she my second favorite wrestler to watch in this match, she is smart, she is strong...fuck she is the total package...almost. Chelsea you made this situation with your hate, the hate that eats at your soul. The hate that made you want for pain to ring out through-out the halls of the arena. Trust me Chelsea, it is the way you need to follow, keep walking towards the dark. I hope you want to kill me in this match for that will just make me love you more. Trust me Chels, go forth and Conquer the Hate...and no matter what I will be waiting on the other side.
(ICE feels for his phone, it didn’t just vibrate, just wishful thinking. He keeps walking, quacking his pace with each word.)
ICE: Team ICE is strong. We have passion, and a true reason to act as a unit. We have nothing to lose but a lot to gain. An Elimination type match means nothing to us but can show Grand Canyon like cracks in your band of merry men. Say we end with three or more men still standing; that might leave the locker room seeing The Pack as something on the level of the return of Adam and his cast of thousands. And those who know what I am talking about understands what a big risk this is for the Pack when you consider that point. Yes fear should be in the heart of those surrounded by such a group of vigilantes; only a pack of posers tries to stand up against such a threat. And simply put, Team ICE has the WAR winner, Team ICE has the Ultimate Showdown winner and that alone is enough.
(Somehow Natural ICE Beckman knows through karma and the cosmos that his ranting will soon find its mark on the correct ears. ICE’s rant stops as the woods are seemingly beginning to speak back to him. The shrubbery that lives off the road like a wall guarding the forest begins to shake. ICE begins to wonder what exactly is going on...a deer, a bear, something that goes bump in the night...what is going to come out of those woods?)
PJ as Alex: HEY ICE! IT’S ME PJ!!!
(The overweight individual comes barreling out of the woods, with a recognizable smile, but little else. He is wearing a big black leather moo-moo dress and he has shaved his head completely bald in order to cover his entire head with grey make-up. He wobbles over to the WCF champion, looking ready to party as well.)
ICE as ICE: Nice fucking costume PJ.
PJ as Alex: Really? I was afraid I just look like a black condom with a touch of sperm on the tip.
ICE as ICE: You do...and that is exactly how Alex Richards looks, so like I said, nicely fucking done.
PJ as Alex: Who did you dress up as?
ICE as ICE: Only the best wrestler in the WCF...Natural ICE Beckman!
PJ as Alex: Damn, I should have gone as him, he is way more better and cool. I mean, how is this Alex guy supposed to act anyhow?
ICE as ICE: Crazy, unpredictable...a true “what the fuck?” moment waiting to happen.
PJ as Alex: So, like outrageous and insane shit?
ICE as ICE: The more outrageous and insane the better.
PJ as Alex: I think I can handle that. Oh right are you ready to mash?
ICE as ICE: What the fuck are you talking about?
PJ as Alex: We are going to a Halloween party aka a Monster Mash...like the song.
ICE as ICE: Well the WCF is made up of a strange collection of freaks and geeks, so I suppose that would be appropriate.
(The theme song begins to play as ICE and PJ make their way up the long drive way to the Foam Lake mayor’s large home. ICE and PJ are quick to get instead the place and head for the adult refreshments, like any good Foam Laker would.)
PJ as Alex: He look I am drinking this punch through my ear...pretty crazy huh?
ICE as ICE: Hmmm, I think he is a fucking bit more extreme than that PJ. The guy has won the hardcore title before after all.
PJ as Alex: More extreme...like hardcore...got it. I will be right back.
(PJ heads off to do God knows what when John Beckman comes walking up to his younger brother ICE. John is dressed in an unbuttoned shirt, leather pants and is wearing a outrageous spiked blonde wig.)
ICE as ICE: Let me guess, you are a Pokemon character.
John as Omega: Please Natural, this is a WCF Halloween party, you know the costume has to be a WCF themed one.
ICE as ICE: Then with that stupid outfit you could only be on man...an Omega man.
John as Omega: I feel like I should have super-powers with this outfit?
ICE as ICE: Is big talk with big money but it gains little results and even a worse reputation a super-power?
John as Omega: I can see the catch phrase now: Omega Man: “Faster at losing than a speeding bullet.”
ICE as ICE: “More powerful than a mid-card jobber!”
John as Omega: “Able to call to buy a win with a single check!”
(The brothers are enjoying the laughter, but John stops his when he sees Dee walk up...wearing the same exact outfit as John.)
DEE as Omega: Hey there dudes.
John as Omega: Don’t fucking tell me you went as Jay Omega as well.
DEE as Omega: Of course I did, finally I can afford to move out of my mom’s house...well at least I can pretend to afford that.
John as Omega: This is so embarrassing.
DEE as Omega: I know, I have the same outfit as the fat old guy.
John as Omega: This isn’t fat, they are called abs. And...and...Shut the Fuck Up!
(John storms away.)
ICE as ICE: Well he was in a good mode for once, for only about 15 seconds, but at least he had those 15 seconds.
DEE as Omega: Have you see PJ?
ICE as ICE: He was just here; he is off doing something PJ like.
DEE as Omega: Which knowing him probably means murdering the buffet table.
(Just then the two party hosts come walking over to greet skinny Dee as Jay Omega and ICE as himself.)
Mayor as MacNeill: Welcome.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Hey there boys, I am so glad you both could make it.
DEE as Omega: Thanks for having us, the decorations look great.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Well thank you, and I suppose we have ICE to thank for this whole thing, our great World Champion from right here in Foam Lake. We figured with a true celebrity like that around it would be perfect to have a WCF themed party.
ICE as ICE: I am fucking honored, I guess. And look at you two, sorry about having to be a washed up never was wrestler Mr. Mayor.
(The mayor just grunts and shrugs his shoulders.)
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Oh he loves it; he has a reason to drink beer all night, just like a real Scottish hooligan.
(The mayor nods and gives a tiny smile.)
DEE as Omega: He does seem to really like it.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Oh honey, I just remembered we left the ice in the truck. Can you be a dear and go get it?
Mayor as MacNeill: Aye.
(The mayor lumbers away.)
ICE as ICE: Look at him go, just like a real Pack member, great at listening to orders form a woman.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Oh ICE, you and that mouth of yours. Doesn’t it ever get you in trouble?
ICE as ICE: Nothing I can’t ever get out of as to date. You know, I just realized as I looked around the room, there are a lot of blue wigs.
DEE as Omega: Yeah, it seems like every woman here is dressed like Chelsea Armstrong.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Well come on boys; think about it, she is the only Diva we all had to choose from.
ICE as ICE: Yeah, before long the WCF will be the Wrestling Cock Federation.
DEE as Omega: I wouldn’t mind that.
ICE as ICE: I bet you wouldn’t.
DEE as Omega: I meant because I think Diva matches are boring.
ICE as ICE: I bet you do.
(DEE begins to go into a pouting stance as Mrs. Mayor and ICE share a little laugh at his expensive...
...but this isn’t evening isn’t only about laughs. Someone is out for a hunt this evening and they are preying on the party goers. The Mayor is walking around the side of his house towards his truck when monster cam turns on.)
Mayor as MacNeill: You?
(Monster cam can be heard breathing, but says nothing.)
Mayor as MacNeill: What?
(Monster cam gets closer and closer...and then strikes!!)
Mayor as MacNeill: AAAAYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEE!!!!
(The Monster cam comes down on top of the Mayor as the politician falls down on the driveway!...
...Back inside the party ICE Beckman is beginning to look a little uneasy as ever girl is dressed like his girl. Him and Dee are making their way through the crowd when they are stopped by a familiar team.)
Orbit as ZMAC: Mother fuckin’ ICE, what up man?
ICE as ICE: The fucking Champs are in the fucking house, I am glad you could make it guys.
ZMAC as Orbit: The Vapor Kings are everywhere these fucking days, might as well be here as fuckin’ well.
DEE as Omega: And you guys are going as one another, that is so...um....
ZMAC as Orbit: So fucking what, skinny bitch?
DEE as Omega: Well I was going to say cute, but you’re not cute, not at all.
Orbit as ZMAC: Bitch, I be cute as hell. Just ask my girls!
ICE as ICE: Excuse DEE, he is a little confused when it comes to cuteness and guys.
DEE as Omega: I would argue that, but I am really terrified of you both.
ZMAC as Orbit: Who the fuck isn’t these days?
Orbit as ZMAC: Yeah, this party be alright, I mean there is a fucking dog here, and some okay honeys, ‘cept the fact that they are all dressed like, well, you fuckin’ know.
ICE as ICE: I sure do and it is kinda freaking me out.
DEE as Omega: Speaking of the dog, look who is it.
(ICE’s own brown Labrador Retriever comes running up to his owner with a big dog grin on his furry face.)
ICE as ICE: Hey it’s Satan’s Pizza. How are you fucking doing boy?
ZMAC as Orbit: Who the shit is the dog going as?
ICE as ICE: Hyena, of course.
Orbit as ZMAC: That shit be fucking too accurate, right?
(The dog takes in a few pets from the group and then heads back out into the party looking for some more attention, and hopefully some table scraps.)
ICE as ICE: Alright, have a good night boy!
ZMAC as Orbit: Which that bitch Hyena left that quickly.
DEE as Omega: One could say Hyena is all fright and no bite.
Orbit as ZMAC: One fuckin’ could, if one wanted to sound like a dorky bitch.
(Just then PJ, still in his Alex Richards, outfit comes from the crowd and joins the other four.)
ICE as ICE: PJ, where the fucking were you?
PJ as Alex: Just being crazy like you said to be.
(A random women, dressed as Chelsea of course, comes walking by, slaps PJ on the face and then keeps moving along.)
DEE as Omega: What the heck was that about?
PJ as Alex: I pinched her butt as I walked by her just now, you know all “crazy” like.
(The group shares a head shake as a man comes walking up dressed like the Godfather of Wrestling.)
Eddie as Cairo: Psst, ICE, what up?
ICE as ICE: Eddie, you fucking made it. Hey guys, meet Eddie, he is My Dealer!
Eddie as Cairo: Shhh ICE man, be cool, not so loud about that shit.
ZMAC as Orbit: Now we are fuckin’ talking about how to have a party.
Orbit as ZMAC: So, Eddie, you went as Bobby Cairo, huh?
Eddie as Cairo: I figured the man seems to be have a good head on his shoulders. Besides I wasn’t going to go as that human turd Omega man.
(They all laugh and look over at Dee’s frown.)
DEE as Omega: I am just trying to help my friend ICE prepare for him match! Shut Up!
(Dee runs off like this is a junior high dance and not a party for adults.)
PJ as Alex: Don’t worry, I will go get him.
ICE as ICE: What PJ? I mean you never care about the feelings of fucking others?
PJ as Alex: Sounds crazy right? Just playing my part.
(PJ heads off in the same direction that Dee’s spazzing cries are coming from.)
Eddie as Cairo: You have some strange friends, ICE.
Orbit as ZMAC: We be his friends, yo.
Eddie as Cario: Oh, shit, you didn’t let me finish, I was saying ICE you have some strangely large and scary friends who I really don’t want to get hit by...and with that said, see ya later.
(Eddie makes a quick exit through the sea of people.)
ZMAC as Orbit: Shit Man come the fuck back! What you holdin’!?!
(ZMAC follows the dealer like the mice did the piped piper leaving just ICE and Orbit to look around at the party that is beginning to pick up as the liquor begins to flow freely.)
Orbit as ZMAC: All these Chelseas probably ain’t helping you forget about your match at Helloween.
ICE as ICE: No they are not; speaking of that, how you feeling about hurting Livewire some more?
Orbit as ZMAC: Bitch is about to be singing the blues.
ICE as ICE: Fuck man, between the two of us we have squashed that bitch so much the mere mention of the Vapor Kings is going to make him piss himself.
(The two Kings of the WCF laugh and begin to head deeper into the people to find some more mingling...
...monster cam is back on the air. Still outside of the house, now in the back yard it creeps along until he sees its next victim. Sitting there taking a fresh dump is Satan’s Pizzza, ICE’s dog. He is doing that kicking things dogs do to cover him their shit when he looks over to see the killer coming his way.)
Satan’s Pizza as Hyena: Ruff!
(The killer cam wobbles back and forth as he comes closer and closer.)
Satan’s Pizza as Hyena: RUFF!!!
(Satan’s Pizza begins to bite and scratch as the monster cam swarms over him.)
Satan’s Pizza as Hyena: RRRRUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFF!!!
(And with sudden silence the horrific moment is over...
...time for fight for our right to....PARTY!
...ICE and Orbit have made their way over to the buffet table and are picking a few snacks as one of the many women that look like Chelsea come walking up to the two Vapor Kings.)
Vicki as Chelsea: Hey there ICE, how is it going?
ICE as ICE: Pretty fucking good, nice look.
Vicki as Chelsea: Thanks, I did it myself, took two cans of blue spray paint. Who is this?
ICE as ICE: Fucking Steve Orbit! You knew that.
Vicki as Chelsea: I did, I just wanted you to introduce me to me. Hey, I am a big fan...like a HUGE fan!
Orbit as ZMAC: Most are.
ICE as ICE: Yeah Orbit, this is Vicki, she is one my neighbors...she is a divorced mom.
Vicki as Chelsea: Oh come now ICE, we don’t need to tell him that.
Orbit as ZMAC: I don’t mind an experience woman.
ICE as ICE: She has three kids and two of them are in college.
Orbit as ZMAC: Damn, maybe not that experienced.
Vicki as Chelsea: Damn you ICE! Now speaking of my kids, I brought the youngest Timmy, but I don’t see him around here.
Orbit as ZMAC: How the fuck old is Timmy?
Vicki as Chelsea: He is 11...why? You not afraid of becoming a dad?
Orbit as ZMAC: Just making polite conversation lady, back off.
Vicki as Chelsea: Damn....wait there is my little Timmy. TIMMY! TIMMY OVER HERE!
(The young lad comes walking over to his mother and looks up at the great Steve Orbit.)
Orbit as ZMAC: You the fuck are you supposed to be?
Timmy as Seth: I am WCF Owner and Boss...Seth Lerch. “Now do this, do that! Where is my Mommy!”
ICE as ICE: Holy shit, you nailed it.
Vicki as Chelsea: Hey, watch the language around my kid.
ICE as ICE: Sorry, but the kid did fucking nail it.
Orbit as ZMAC: Yeah, the fuckin’ kid really did. I mean the stupid haircut, the boring outfit and of course the size is the fuckin’ best part.
Vicki as Chelsea: Well thank you Steve, I did make the costume myself.
ICE as ICE: How come you don’t get mad at him for swearing?
Vicki as Chelsea: Because he is Steve Orbit and you are not.
ICE as ICE: Why are people always reminding me of that?
(Just then from across the party you hear the screams of a woman. The screams turn into calls for “ICE!! ICE!! THERE’s A FIGHT! ICE!!!” and the group is quick through the people towards the high pitched wails. ICE sees Dee calling for help first and then stumbles onto the scene to find two men fighting...well actually he finds ZMAC kneeling down on top of a man dressed like WCF’s gravedigger. ICE grabs his next punch and pulls ZMAC off the beaten down man.)
ICE as ICE: ZMAC! What the fuck!?!
ZMAC as Orbit: I fucking am kicking the shit out of Gravedigger.
ICE as ICE: That isn’t fucking Gravedigger, it is the owner of the Foam Lake junkyard, Carl.
ZMAC as Orbit: Oh...shit. Guess I just fucking saw him and went red.
(Orbit is helping the old Carl to his feet as ZMAC is brushing the hair away from his face.)
Carl as Gravedigger: I can relate, same thing happens to me all the time since Vietnam.
DEE as Omega: Are you okay Carl?
Carl as Gravedigger: Sure, I guess, but if that is just a taste of the whopping well then I just feel bad for the real Gravedigger.
ZMAC as Orbit: A lot of fucking people do, but that doesn’t stop us for kicking his ass.
Orbit as ZMAC: Come on Carl, let’s get you some fuckin’ ice for that black eye of yours.
Carl as Gravedigger: Oh I must have hit my head harder than I thought; for you look like a black guy.
Orbit as ZMAC: What the shit did you just say?
Vicki as Chelsea: Excuse him Steve; we don’t get many African Americans around here.
Timmy as Seth: Mommy? Is that going to be my new daddy?
Vicki as Chelsea: We’ll see, we’ll see, why don’t you run and get mommy a drink.
(Timmy runs off as Vicki looks over as Orbit who looks back like “bitch be crazy”. Steve helps Carl over to the bar as Vicki is following him like a lonely puppy...like a very lonely puppy.)
ZMAC as Orit: That man treats women like property and they fucking love him still.
ICE as ICE: The fucking guy has a way with the ladies all right.
DEE as Omega: Probably because he has a large penis.
(Both ICE and ZMAC shoot a WTF look at Dee.)
DEE as Omega: What?! Because of the stereotype about black guys and them having big...well...you know, things.
(Rather than risk having him talk more, the two Kings just look away. Just as Dee is hoping for any kind of distraction, one comes, as the Foam Lake priest Father Ron comes walking over to their group.)
ICE as ICE: Father Ron, how’s it fucking going? And who the fuck are you supposed to be?
ZMAC as Orbit: You look like Cindy Fucking Lopper.
(They are indeed puzzled by his mix and match costume that includes: a pair of skinny jeans, a leather jacket, aviator glass and a long haired wig that is multi-colored with florescent colors.)
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: Well ICE after our talk yesterday about two of your team mates and their religious collection I thought going as a mix of both Seifer and Steeltoe would be perfect.
DEE as Omega: The best of both worlds, one could say.
ZMAC as Orbit: More like the worst of both worlds.
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: Well, either way, I kind of like this party.
ICE as ICE: You wasted aren’t you father?
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: Indeed, why do you think I am having such a good time.
(As father begins to pour himself another drink from the flash he had in his jacket pocket John Beckman makes his return, in a new outfit.)
John as Steeltoe: Hey there sinners.
ICE as ICE: Who the fuck are you now?
John as Steeltoe: Just call me Steeltoe John, the Pastor of Disaster!
ZMAC as Orbit: But that fucking dude is already a Steeltoe rip-off.
(John looks over a Father Ron and his bubble again bursts.)
John as Steeltoe: OH COME ON!!! Not again.
(John storms off.)
ZMAC as Orbit: What the fuck is with your crew always running off like bitches?
ICE as ICE: I don’t fucking know, they are messed up in the head I fucking guess.
DEE as Omega: Yeah John is messed up...wait, I did that to! That’s not nice to say!! At least wait till I have run off to say it behind my back, geesh!!
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: Well since no one else is chasing after him, I might as well see if I can help out.
ICE as ICE: Just so you know father my brother John isn’t really the religious type.
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: That is okay...neither am I.
(Father Ron heads off towards the front of the house leaving the three alone again.)
ZMAC as Orbit: I wonder if Buddy is here yet, he said he was going to show.
ICE as ICE: Hey, I haven’t fucking seen him yet.
DEE as Omega: Same for Buck Fucker.
ZMAC as Orbit: Who the shit is that? Your boyfriend?
DEE as Omega: No. He isn’t my boyfriend.
ICE as ICE: He is just some asshole we used to hang out with in high school.
DEE as Omega: PJ said he would be here tonight.
ICE as ICE: What does PJ now about that?
DEE as Omega: He was the one who gave him an invitation to the party.
ICE as ICE: I am going to kill PJ next time I fucking see his fat ass for that.
(Speaking of killing, we head from the inside of the party to the outside...
Monster cam watches as Father Ron walks onto the front patio. He looks around for John Beckman, but sees someone else instead.)
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: Well look who is it.
(Monster cam keeps stalking the unaware Father Ron.)
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: Have you see ICE’s brother out here at all?
(Monster cam shakes back and forth.)
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: No, huh, well let me know if you see him later, okay?
(But nothing is okay as monster cam strikes again.)
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: LOOOORRRRRRDDDDD HEEELLLLLLLP MEEEEEEEE!!
(And the scene is over quickly, just like the others have been...
...back inside the party is just getting started...
...The WCF dressed party goers as enjoy some dancing and really enjoying some drinking as ICE is leaning against a wall. He waves a few cute Chelsea’s as the walk by who wave back and hide their lust for him behind a few giggles. ICE smiles and is about to try some innocent flirting when someone grabs him by the shoulder from behind.)
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Hey Man, where are you going?
ICE as ICE: I was just about to see how those ladies are doing.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: You don’t need them, Buck Fucker is Here now.
ICE as ICE: Actually they seem a little more interesting than you at the moment.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Naw, you don’t need them...HEY LADIES! HE IS ALL MINE! GET LOST!
(The two attractive females look confused and repulsed as they make a quick exit from the scene.)
ICE as ICE: So glad you could make it Buck.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Eh, I know you are just being sarcastic or whatever when you say that, but man I fucking did you a favor. Your actual Chelsea would be pissed to see you talking with two fine ass honeys like that anyhow.
ICE as ICE: Do me another fucking favor Buck and get the hell out of here.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: I ain’t going anywhere; this is Buck’s big return night.
ICE as ICE: This is a fucking WCF themed party Buck, where is your fucking costume?
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: I am going on the soon to be Rookie Sensation of the WCF, Buck Fucker, but even more extreme, like not just Buck Fucker but...(yells)....BUCK FUCKER! You know man?
ICE as ICE: I wish I didn’t.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: So when are you helping me make my debut in the WCF ICE man?
ICE as ICE: What is fuck is longer than fucking never?
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: You fucking funny man, always with the jokes, but I will tell you one thing, people don’t laugh when they hear the name Buck Fucker.
ICE as ICE: I don’t think that sounds right.
(Just then PJ, still dressed as Alex Richards, come up to the two guys. PJ high fives Buck Fucker as soon as he sees his old pal.)
PJ as Alex: Buck Fucker! You made it, That is AWESOME!
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Yeah PJ man, I fucking did, and that’s for the invite.
PJ: Of course man, hey ICE, look it is our old pal, Buck Fucker.
ICE as ICE: Remind me to kick your ass later PJ.
PJ as Alex: Oh man, do I have to?
ICE as ICE: Yes.
PJ as Alex: Oh man.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Oh come on now ICE, just relax and have a good time.
ICE as ICE: Good idea.
(ICE walks away.)
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: I am almost starting to get the feeling that ICE man isn’t happy to see me.
PJ as Alex: Don’t worry about him, he is just worried about having to kick his woman’s ass.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Well, PJ, I would love to catch up, but I got some business to take care of.
PJ as Alex: Alright, Buck, good luck with that, see ya around later.
(The two part ways...
...monster cam is back outside in the shadows of the house. Stalking through the night air it comes across not just one, but two of its next victims. Sitting on the yard swing is Eddie rolling as joint as Vicki walks up to him.)
Vicki as Chelsea: Hey, can I get in on that?
Eddie as Cairo: Sure, I suppose....five bucks.
Vicki as Chelsea: Where is your party giver spirit?
Eddie as Cairo: Sorry lady, I gotta eat.
(Vicki digs through her purse and then plants the five spot in the dealer’s hand. She then sits down next to him on the swing as he hands her over the lit joint.)
Vicki as Chelsea: I needed this, I think my brat chased off Steve Orbit.
Eddie as Cairo: Well then maybe I should borrow your son, cause I can’t keep this McMorris guy away from me tonight...he keeps wanting to know what kind of buying in balk discount I give him.
Vicki as Chelsea: Well if I don’t get laid soon, I am going to burst.
Eddie as Cairo: Maybe I can help with that.
Vicki as Chelsea: Oh yeah....
(Vicki smiles at Eddie, Eddie doesn’t move.)
Eddie as Cairo: What you want?
Vicki as Chelsea: Just kiss me moron.
Eddie as Cairo: Oh...OH...sure!
(The two begin to make out while Monster Cam is sick of watching and wants to get in on the action. He strikes at Eddie first! As Eddie falls to the ground Vicki begins to give a few classic horror movie screams before begin to scoot away from the disgusting scene. But Monster Cam is quick to its feet and soon gets to Vicki as well.)
Vicki as Chelsea: NOOOOOO!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!
(Monster cam has claimed two more souls as the night continues to rage on...
...back in the party Orbit turned up the music just in time so no one could here Vicki scream.)
ICE as ICE: Turn that bitch up Steve.
Orbit as ZMAC: That is what I am known for after all.
(An old man comes from the other room just staring at the direction of the Vapor Kings with a puzzled look on his face.)
ICE as ICE: Oh great, not this guy.
Orbit as ZMAC: What? Another confused cracker seeing a black guy for the first time?
ICE as ICE: No, well maybe, but this is the guy who adopted me as a kid, well him and his wife.
Skip as Deuce: Don’t I know you?
ICE as ICE: Do we have to go through this every time we meet?
Skip as Deuce: We have met before?
Orbit as ZMAC: Real caring father you got here ICE.
Skip as Deuce: ICE! That’s it! I knew I knew ya!
ICE as ICE: Nice of you to fucking dress up as Deuce Gonzo, Skip.
Skip as Deuce: I feel like fucking hippy in this outfit; wife made me wear it.
Orbit as ZMAC: You’re supposed to be a reporter.
Skip as Deuce: In this outfit? Hell, in my day reporters dressed in suits.
ICE as ICE: We used to have one of those, whatever happened to Scoops.
Orbit as ZMAC: Hot on the trail of some story I suppose.
ICE as ICE: Or not hot...like at all....
Orbit as ZMAC: Like he is dead?
ICE as ICE: Just saying the guy was older than people making fun Alex’s appearance or Jay’s irradiate behavior.
Skip as Deuce: Damn you kids, with your bee bop talk and backwards conversations, I don’t know at all what you two are talking about.
ICE as ICE: We were just fucking-
Skip As Deuce: No, keep it to yourself for I don’t care. Now I am going to go get going, I heard rumors of a black guy around here.
(Orbit can only shake his head as shrugs his shoulders with no explanation for the townspeople that live in the town he calls home...
...Monster Cam is again at work, watching as he houses’ side door opens and out walks Skip dressed as gonzo reporter, Deuce Murdock. The old man is grumbling about something as he lights a cigarette.)
Skip as Deuce: Maybe the black man is out here, it is dark out here after all.
(Skip exhales the smoke as Monster cam creeps towards him from behind.)
Skip as Deuce: I would like to see at least one Black man before I die.
(Another pull from the Lucky Strike cig...his last of the night.)
Skip as Deuce: Wait, doesn’t that ICE fella owe me a new shed?
(Skip turns to head back to the party only to find himself being attacked by the killer!!...
...the party is at maximum fun as the people are jumping up and down with the rhythm of the music. As they rock out beer splashes from the cups and down to the carpet. ICE, Orbit and ZMAC are all feeling the grooves thanks to a little, well a lot, of help from some illegal party favors. Just then a man walks up to them with a white sheet over him like a ghost.)
ICE as ICE: Who is this now?
ZMAC as Orbit: Looks like a fuckin’ mound of blow, I like it.
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: My client has a one track mind indeed.
Orbit as ZMAC: Fuckin’ Buddy Roman! Is that you?
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: The one and only, son.
ICE as ICE: What are you going as?
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Why the Ghost of Pantheon of course.
ZMAC as Orbit: Fuckin’ right man.
ICE as ICE: Well now that Buddy is here we can kick this party into the next gear! WHO IS FUCKING READY TO PARTY!!!!
(The people all cheer their Champion and get ready to keep dancing when the music stops and the lights go on...killing the mood instantly. Everyone stops dancing, stops drinking and turns towards the stereo where the Mayor’s wife is standing, a worried look on her face.)
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: I am sorry everybody, I can’t find my husband anywhere. He has been missing since the beginning of the party!
DEE as Omega: What? When did you see him last?
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: I sent him to get the ice from the truck. But that was hours ago!
ICE as ICE: Well I am sure he is just taking a break from the party, is anyone else missing?
ZMAC as Orbit: I haven’t seen that Eddie Dealer chump lately and I my party favors are starting to get scary low.
Orbit as ZMAC: And come to think of it that Vicki seems to be missing too.
Timmy as Seth: What happened to my mom?
Orbit as ZMAC: Guess that bitch is dead.
Timmy as Seth: WHAT!?
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Don’t say that Steve, you are liable to scare the young man. I am sure his mother is just hurt horribly at best.
ICE as ICE: This is getting stranger than Hyena and Cormack insisting on having a private locker room all to themselves.
DEE as Omega: Yeah, ICE where is your dog? And where is Father Ron?
Steve as ZMAC: And for that matter where is that fuckin’ old raciest cracker?
ZMAC as Orbit: I thought that wasn’t Gravedigger wasn’t fuckin’ here.
ICE as ICE: I think he is talking about my old father Skip.
DEE as Omega: And PJ IS MISSING TOO!!
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Okay, that is it! Something is up! I am calling the cops.
ICE as ICE: You know the Foam Lake Police turn off their phones at 5 every night. Wait a fucking moment, everyone that is missing is someone dressed up like a wrestler in my match at Helloween.
Orbit as ZMAC: Well every fuckin’ body but you ICE and this skinny Jay Omega man over here.
DEE as Omega: Hey thanks for not saying anything worse than skinny. Wait...what about buck fucker?
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Wait, I thought we already established that Gravedigger isn’t here.
ZMAC as Orbit: That’s good shit Buddy.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Well we need to do something! I mean I miss my husband, but I also don’t want to go down as having thrown a bad party and 7 missing people would probably lead to that opinion.
ICE as ICE: Actually 6 missing people, and one dog.
Ms. Mayor as Chelsea: Fine, whatever! We need to split up and search for them. Everyone pick a search buddy and then let’s head outside.
ZMAC as Orbit: I fucking have to be with Steve.
Orbit as ZMAC: We be havin’ that fuckin’ championship bond and all.
DEE as Omega: Hey ICE, wanna be my search partner?
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Sorry boy, but my son and I will be searching as the other half of Team VK.
ICE as ICE: Sorry Dee, why don’t you find Buck Fucker, he is often alone.
DEE as Omega: Wait? Buck Fucker is missing too.
ICE as ICE: I knew it, that big stupid asshole is behind this, I guarantee you. Now let’s go get him people!
(Everyone scatters to search for the Buck Fucker. The mayor’s wife heads off with Carl, as the Tag Champs go their way and ICE and Roman head outside I search of the missing as well, leaving Dee all by himself....
...Dee is taking slow and deliberate steps as he creeps along the lawn. He is all nerves as he looks around for any sign of anything. But even though he is nothing but cautious worries he doesn’t seem to notice that Monster Cam is watching him from the tree line.)
DEE: Stupid ICE, picking Buddy over me. I mean does Buddy clean his cabin for free, No!
(He continues to be stalked without even knowing it.)
DEE: Does Buddy work hard on making a scrap book for each match he has fought in, NO! Well maybe, but I highly doubt it! And if he does, I bet it doesn’t have the great details that mine does.
(DEE turns just before the monster comes down upon him.)
DEE: There you are.
(We can see the monster’s arm comes down from behind the camera slashing at Dee!)
DEE: NOOO!!!! I DON’T WANT TO DIE A VIRGIN!! AHHHHHHHH!!!
(But it is too late...
...ICE and Buddy are walking around the backyard, discussing WCF matters of importance.)
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: No matter what happens?
ICE as ICE: Trust me Buddy, the only thing I love more is winning.
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Just as long as your are ready.
ICE as ICE: The Pack needs to be a taught a lesson, this is the Vapor King’s federation.
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: I knew I would hear that from you son, I just wanted to make sure.
ICE as ICE: Trust me, after Helloween the Pack will once again know it’s place.
(Just then ICE hears the same high pitch yelling he heard before when ZMAC was attacking the non-Gravedigger. He knows those screams anywhere...unfortunately.)
ICE as ICE: That’s Dee! EVERYBODY COME HERE! I FOUND BUCK FUCKER!!
(ICE runs around the side of the house just in time to see a dark shadow figure carrying Dee into the woods. ICE runs after the monster. He is guided by the full moon that is hanging high in the October sky. ICE runs down the hiking path until he reaches a clearing. Buddy is soon behind him...both stop in their steps as they look at the scene before them. Soon the rest of the remaining party goers have also come thanks to ICE Beckman’s call to them. They are all speechless for a few moments as they look over across the ground to see the bodies of the Mayor, Skip, Father Ron, Dee, Eddie, Vicki and ICE’s dog, Satan’s Pizza. Everyone is speechless when John Beckman comes walking up.)
John: Alright I have decided to go as myself like ICE.
(Mrs. Mayor sees he husband on the ground and little Timmy sees his mom on the ground and both begin screaming!)
John: Well fine, I don’t need this party anyhow; I have a bottle of wine chilling for me back at my hotel anyhow.
(John storms off; hopefully for the last time this night.)
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: What the hell happened here?
ICE: Buck Fucker happened here.
ZMAC as Orbit: What kind of stupid ass name is that anyhow?
Orbit as ZMAC: Yeah, I was fuckin’ wondering that too actually.
ICE as ICE: Long story...it involves a hunting trip, a deer he named Bambi and way too much beer.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Someone do something for my hubby!
Timmy as Seth: And for my Mommy!
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Who is the kid supposed to be anyhow?
ZMAC as Orbit: Fucking Seth Lerch.
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Oh my, that is perfect.
ICE as ICE: You guys see if anyone is still alive, I am going to find Buck.
(ICE turns and bumps right into Buck.)
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: So ICE, looking for me huh? Ready to help me join the WCF?
ICE as ICE: After what you did here, no fucking way.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: What I did where? I have been in the bathroom for the last few hours. Yeah, I had to take a major dump. Feel like a just gave birth to a little black baby...no offense Man.
Orbit as ZMAC: Hell, I am actually surprised you didn’t use the fuckin’ N word when you said that shit.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Wait, if you didn’t do this...who did?
PJ as Alex: BOOOO!!!
(PJ tackles ICE from behind and begins to attempt something that we all first saw on a nature program when the daddy lion would get behind the mommy lion and well, you know.)
ICE as ICE: PJ GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!
(ICE flips onto his back and kicks the fatty friend of his off him. ICE then stands up and begins to brush leaves off his jeans.)
PJ as Alex: What? I thought you would like that? I am being Crazy, Outrageous, just like Alex Richards.
ICE as ICE: By fucking killing all these people?!
PJ as Alex: I didn’t kill them, I only Dry Hump Raped them.
ZMAC as Orbit: Bet they wished he had just killed them.
Timmy as Seth: Wait, my mommy is still breathing.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Same with my hubby!
PJ as Alex: Like I said they aren’t dead...just really drunk.
ICE as ICE: Now this is really drunk; even for me.
PJ as Alex: Well after I finished Dry Hump Raping them they all ran off in shame, well expect for Dee, he just fainted. That’s when they all found this.
(PJ holds up a big empty bottle with three X’s on the side.)
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: My husband’s moonshine! That stuff is more flammable than lighter fluid.
ICE as ICE: Guess they wanted to forget the memory of PJ’s attack.
PJ as Alex: You mean my Dry Hump Rape?
ICE as ICE: Yes, that.
Orbit as ZMAC: You can’t fuckin’ blame them.
ICE as ICE: Simple, wake them up, we got a party to finish.
PJ as Alex: Yeah we do!!!
ICE as ICE: Not you, you are going to take my dog back to my cabin and wait there.
PJ as Alex: But I was crazy. Buck Fucker stand up for me?!
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Sorry bro, even I think you went too far.
Orbit as ZMAC: Coming from a man who sexually assaulted a deer, that is sayin’ something right there.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: He it was consensual!
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Crazy is a fine line between success and failure.
ZMAC as Orbit: And you fuckin’ crossed it tonight, tubby.
PJ as Alex: But...but...isn’t this what you wanted ICE?
ICE as ICE: Not at all, PJ. I got enough on my plate this week without have to fucking deal with you and whatever this is about...now fucking take my dog and go!!
(PJ slinks his head and walks away, with Satan’s Pizza still passed out, in his arms. PJ gets to the path and looks back at the conscious are beginning to help the passed out wake from their drunken stupor. PJ looks at the mayhem he caused and smiles and softly says to himself.)
PJ as Alex: This is the only beginning...the Dry Hump Rapper will strike again.
(And like the end of a horror movie the camera pans out with the help of some eerie music. Past the bare branches of the trees, past the midnight clouds that have faded away, up to the point of just black where we give you a moment to ponder what it all means before it truly ends.)
The bearded bloke will soon fail,
A bad dog can only just wail.
The rich boy will just cash out,
Fat crazy blows the whole big bout.
Blue gets bluer in the end,
Beaten by her lover best friend.
Can time heel all fresh wounds?
One will know after many moons.
(Natural ICE Beckman is sitting in his hotel room. All the lights are off as he looks out the window at the Xcel Center. He watches the large titan-tron on the outside of the arena flash images about tomorrow night’s big WCF event as he finishes off a joint and a drink.)
ICE: Fuck Seth, Fuck The Pack, Hell even Fuck Team ICE...come Helloween, I have a point to prove, a statement to make and only one thing is for sure....it won’t be My Horrific Nightmare of a Night.
(ICE puts the joint out his the remnants of his whiskey drink as he continues to sit in the dark waiting for tomorrow night. But before we go we see him check his phone and sees no new text messages from his favorite contact. Business wins in the end I suppose.)
WCF Halloween Costumes...
WCF: The Halloween Party
Give me something good to beat,
If you don’t, I don’t care
I’ll Still pull down your underwear!
(Natural ICE Beckman is taking a break from a busy week of Getting to Know ‘Um Missions to do a little partying. ICE is walking down the one road around Foam Lake. The sun is beginning to set on the scene and the sky seems to be alive with fire and the reflecting dying sun is dancing off the water as ICE peeks through the pines along his way to the Halloween party held at the mayor’s house. ICE feels the coming winter in his bones, but unlike an old man who might find the coming cold as annoyance to his joints, ICE feels it like a shot of B12 to his soul, his spirit, and it makes him smile, it makes him think and it makes him want to write poetry with his words. Not the kind of poetry that makes one comforted in the times of troubles, no rather on this night of ghouls and the ghosts, the kind of words that will haunt the careers of his WCF opponents from this match and the rest of the career.)
ICE: Let’s start with nice things, hell, I never talk about the nice things about those I am facing. Because usually, fuck them, right? And in this case, that couldn’t be more literally with one of them. But I have to say Pack, you seemed entertaining with all your big attacks, you seem nice, fuck you seem to like me even after a most of you I have put into place time after time. The Pet of the Pack might not get the memo, but he will soon enough for animals are creatures of routine. And the big bitter Scot is still so angry at the world that his opinions are more nothing more than mindless rage at this point. But who can blame him after having to deal with Sequitus as friends for all that time. I would also mention Chase, but like usual there really is no reason expect for remind the world that the lone wolf runs with so many these days he is either no longer lone or just a fucking liar.
(ICE has to stop and smile as somewhere he hears a northern woods wolf howl.)
ICE: But the time for nice has long drifted down the line and don’t blame me for what is going to happen next? I am not the one who dared form up against the Vapor Kings. And yes, while I not teamed up with other Kings, there is still a point to be made. Last week Orbit and McMorris made that fucking point once again, just like they will again at Helloween, just like I will as well. We are here to kill the WCF and let it be reborn as the Kingdom of the Vapor. Sorry to drop off the ticking time bomb Pack, but I didn’t light the fuse...you did.
(ICE keeps walking alone the road as the sung keeps setting over his shoulder.)
ICE: But just like my career where I take it as one match at a time, I am going to take this match one wrestler at a time. Starting with the whipped warrior, the trash eating, bottom feeding, Pet of the Pack...Hyena. Last week I dropped you so hard and swift with the 100 Proof Shot you are still probably howling at the ringing in your ears. But my only fear is that I finally knocked some sense into that fucked up brain of yours. Otherwise you will just be the same old bewildered beast lost somewhere between the world of humanity and critter; not succeeding at either.
(ICE begins to get in character for the costume party by finding a beer from his stretched out back pocket.)
ICE: Then we have the comedy relief of the Pack, a role I have perfected, while Richards seems to struggle with it every step he makes. Truly he is an example of one step forward and two steps back, unless it’s towards the buffet, then it’s as many steps straight fucking forward until they are all out of meat products. Face it Richards, you are nothing more than my fat shadow. And I say that with all the respect you deserve; I will let you try and figure out how much respect I got for you. Or you can just wait till Sunday and figure it out by the level of pain I make you feel. Your choice.
(ICE keeps walking, drinking his beer and feeling ready to party.)
ICE: Then we have the “out of this world as a good thing”, Mr. Jay Omega. You know I didn’t know they made rich people in Canada. I just figured you all lived in igloos and when you weren’t watching hockey you were dreaming of living in America. And look at you Omega, the U.S. Fucking Champion, a belt I won in three fucking matches in the WCF. The belt I didn’t lose, just upgraded. Canada must be real fucking proud of you Omega, but I ain’t, hell at least a Mexican champion would have been hard working. Face it Champ, McMorris will take it back if he wants feels like it and if you aren’t fearing his return, me or the entire Vapor King entity, then confusion and delusion are your BB fuckin’ Fs.
(ICE stops and remembers a conversation he had with Father Ron at the local choice earlier that day.)
ICE: Not let me just stop for a second and talk to my boss. My ego tripping, balls licking, lolli-popped shaped, penis fuck of a boss...Sethy Boy. Or as his mother probably calls him, “Wibble dibble pooey wooey bear”. I need to you to understand two fucking things going into this match: first I need to you admit publicly that the Vapor Kings are the current ruling stable in the WCF and second I need some things...VIP Parking, a new truck, a personal VIP locker room complete with body guard...and by body guard I don’t mean some weak jobber....and-, you know what I will just e-mail the complete list.
(ICE continues to walk down the one road that wraps around Foam Lake.)
ICE: Then there is the big Scottish loving Canuck Coremuck Hackneill. You know MacNeill I am pretty happy to finally get a chance to knock you down from your high horse. What’s that? You didn’t know you sat on a high horse? My friend you know your shit stinks but you still troll along like it doesn’t and maybe that is why I really don’t like you. Or maybe it is your link history with Caliban and the whole pit stain that was Sequitus. Maybe for it is what you call power and strength, I call diabetes and an early grave. Or maybe because I think you are more just fat around the waist, but fat around the hard work of others and you are looking to do so again with my girl’s stable. And maybe it is just that stupid grin on your face that I don’t like, either way, let’s just say I am looking forward to Helloween.
(ICE flashes his trademark “I enjoy myself a lot” smile and keeps walking as the sun has nearly forgot the day behind the horizon.)
ICE: Finally the captin to be, hopefully ready not to go down with her sinking ship. Hopefully she will have sense enough to run, to flee, for I promise her no protection until the bell rings and my hand is raised. But she knows that, she is nobody’s fool, something she has proven with her every action in the WCF. Well, expect for one...the way our game started back in the Trios Cup. I admit it began as a game and I got the win. And that is all I have to remind people about that. For I hope Chelsea hears them and they ring instead her head, but she is lovely, she is talented, she my second favorite wrestler to watch in this match, she is smart, she is strong...fuck she is the total package...almost. Chelsea you made this situation with your hate, the hate that eats at your soul. The hate that made you want for pain to ring out through-out the halls of the arena. Trust me Chelsea, it is the way you need to follow, keep walking towards the dark. I hope you want to kill me in this match for that will just make me love you more. Trust me Chels, go forth and Conquer the Hate...and no matter what I will be waiting on the other side.
(ICE feels for his phone, it didn’t just vibrate, just wishful thinking. He keeps walking, quacking his pace with each word.)
ICE: Team ICE is strong. We have passion, and a true reason to act as a unit. We have nothing to lose but a lot to gain. An Elimination type match means nothing to us but can show Grand Canyon like cracks in your band of merry men. Say we end with three or more men still standing; that might leave the locker room seeing The Pack as something on the level of the return of Adam and his cast of thousands. And those who know what I am talking about understands what a big risk this is for the Pack when you consider that point. Yes fear should be in the heart of those surrounded by such a group of vigilantes; only a pack of posers tries to stand up against such a threat. And simply put, Team ICE has the WAR winner, Team ICE has the Ultimate Showdown winner and that alone is enough.
(Somehow Natural ICE Beckman knows through karma and the cosmos that his ranting will soon find its mark on the correct ears. ICE’s rant stops as the woods are seemingly beginning to speak back to him. The shrubbery that lives off the road like a wall guarding the forest begins to shake. ICE begins to wonder what exactly is going on...a deer, a bear, something that goes bump in the night...what is going to come out of those woods?)
PJ as Alex: HEY ICE! IT’S ME PJ!!!
(The overweight individual comes barreling out of the woods, with a recognizable smile, but little else. He is wearing a big black leather moo-moo dress and he has shaved his head completely bald in order to cover his entire head with grey make-up. He wobbles over to the WCF champion, looking ready to party as well.)
ICE as ICE: Nice fucking costume PJ.
PJ as Alex: Really? I was afraid I just look like a black condom with a touch of sperm on the tip.
ICE as ICE: You do...and that is exactly how Alex Richards looks, so like I said, nicely fucking done.
PJ as Alex: Who did you dress up as?
ICE as ICE: Only the best wrestler in the WCF...Natural ICE Beckman!
PJ as Alex: Damn, I should have gone as him, he is way more better and cool. I mean, how is this Alex guy supposed to act anyhow?
ICE as ICE: Crazy, unpredictable...a true “what the fuck?” moment waiting to happen.
PJ as Alex: So, like outrageous and insane shit?
ICE as ICE: The more outrageous and insane the better.
PJ as Alex: I think I can handle that. Oh right are you ready to mash?
ICE as ICE: What the fuck are you talking about?
PJ as Alex: We are going to a Halloween party aka a Monster Mash...like the song.
ICE as ICE: Well the WCF is made up of a strange collection of freaks and geeks, so I suppose that would be appropriate.
(The theme song begins to play as ICE and PJ make their way up the long drive way to the Foam Lake mayor’s large home. ICE and PJ are quick to get instead the place and head for the adult refreshments, like any good Foam Laker would.)
PJ as Alex: He look I am drinking this punch through my ear...pretty crazy huh?
ICE as ICE: Hmmm, I think he is a fucking bit more extreme than that PJ. The guy has won the hardcore title before after all.
PJ as Alex: More extreme...like hardcore...got it. I will be right back.
(PJ heads off to do God knows what when John Beckman comes walking up to his younger brother ICE. John is dressed in an unbuttoned shirt, leather pants and is wearing a outrageous spiked blonde wig.)
ICE as ICE: Let me guess, you are a Pokemon character.
John as Omega: Please Natural, this is a WCF Halloween party, you know the costume has to be a WCF themed one.
ICE as ICE: Then with that stupid outfit you could only be on man...an Omega man.
John as Omega: I feel like I should have super-powers with this outfit?
ICE as ICE: Is big talk with big money but it gains little results and even a worse reputation a super-power?
John as Omega: I can see the catch phrase now: Omega Man: “Faster at losing than a speeding bullet.”
ICE as ICE: “More powerful than a mid-card jobber!”
John as Omega: “Able to call to buy a win with a single check!”
(The brothers are enjoying the laughter, but John stops his when he sees Dee walk up...wearing the same exact outfit as John.)
DEE as Omega: Hey there dudes.
John as Omega: Don’t fucking tell me you went as Jay Omega as well.
DEE as Omega: Of course I did, finally I can afford to move out of my mom’s house...well at least I can pretend to afford that.
John as Omega: This is so embarrassing.
DEE as Omega: I know, I have the same outfit as the fat old guy.
John as Omega: This isn’t fat, they are called abs. And...and...Shut the Fuck Up!
(John storms away.)
ICE as ICE: Well he was in a good mode for once, for only about 15 seconds, but at least he had those 15 seconds.
DEE as Omega: Have you see PJ?
ICE as ICE: He was just here; he is off doing something PJ like.
DEE as Omega: Which knowing him probably means murdering the buffet table.
(Just then the two party hosts come walking over to greet skinny Dee as Jay Omega and ICE as himself.)
Mayor as MacNeill: Welcome.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Hey there boys, I am so glad you both could make it.
DEE as Omega: Thanks for having us, the decorations look great.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Well thank you, and I suppose we have ICE to thank for this whole thing, our great World Champion from right here in Foam Lake. We figured with a true celebrity like that around it would be perfect to have a WCF themed party.
ICE as ICE: I am fucking honored, I guess. And look at you two, sorry about having to be a washed up never was wrestler Mr. Mayor.
(The mayor just grunts and shrugs his shoulders.)
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Oh he loves it; he has a reason to drink beer all night, just like a real Scottish hooligan.
(The mayor nods and gives a tiny smile.)
DEE as Omega: He does seem to really like it.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Oh honey, I just remembered we left the ice in the truck. Can you be a dear and go get it?
Mayor as MacNeill: Aye.
(The mayor lumbers away.)
ICE as ICE: Look at him go, just like a real Pack member, great at listening to orders form a woman.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Oh ICE, you and that mouth of yours. Doesn’t it ever get you in trouble?
ICE as ICE: Nothing I can’t ever get out of as to date. You know, I just realized as I looked around the room, there are a lot of blue wigs.
DEE as Omega: Yeah, it seems like every woman here is dressed like Chelsea Armstrong.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Well come on boys; think about it, she is the only Diva we all had to choose from.
ICE as ICE: Yeah, before long the WCF will be the Wrestling Cock Federation.
DEE as Omega: I wouldn’t mind that.
ICE as ICE: I bet you wouldn’t.
DEE as Omega: I meant because I think Diva matches are boring.
ICE as ICE: I bet you do.
(DEE begins to go into a pouting stance as Mrs. Mayor and ICE share a little laugh at his expensive...
...but this isn’t evening isn’t only about laughs. Someone is out for a hunt this evening and they are preying on the party goers. The Mayor is walking around the side of his house towards his truck when monster cam turns on.)
Mayor as MacNeill: You?
(Monster cam can be heard breathing, but says nothing.)
Mayor as MacNeill: What?
(Monster cam gets closer and closer...and then strikes!!)
Mayor as MacNeill: AAAAYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEE!!!!
(The Monster cam comes down on top of the Mayor as the politician falls down on the driveway!...
...Back inside the party ICE Beckman is beginning to look a little uneasy as ever girl is dressed like his girl. Him and Dee are making their way through the crowd when they are stopped by a familiar team.)
Orbit as ZMAC: Mother fuckin’ ICE, what up man?
ICE as ICE: The fucking Champs are in the fucking house, I am glad you could make it guys.
ZMAC as Orbit: The Vapor Kings are everywhere these fucking days, might as well be here as fuckin’ well.
DEE as Omega: And you guys are going as one another, that is so...um....
ZMAC as Orbit: So fucking what, skinny bitch?
DEE as Omega: Well I was going to say cute, but you’re not cute, not at all.
Orbit as ZMAC: Bitch, I be cute as hell. Just ask my girls!
ICE as ICE: Excuse DEE, he is a little confused when it comes to cuteness and guys.
DEE as Omega: I would argue that, but I am really terrified of you both.
ZMAC as Orbit: Who the fuck isn’t these days?
Orbit as ZMAC: Yeah, this party be alright, I mean there is a fucking dog here, and some okay honeys, ‘cept the fact that they are all dressed like, well, you fuckin’ know.
ICE as ICE: I sure do and it is kinda freaking me out.
DEE as Omega: Speaking of the dog, look who is it.
(ICE’s own brown Labrador Retriever comes running up to his owner with a big dog grin on his furry face.)
ICE as ICE: Hey it’s Satan’s Pizza. How are you fucking doing boy?
ZMAC as Orbit: Who the shit is the dog going as?
ICE as ICE: Hyena, of course.
Orbit as ZMAC: That shit be fucking too accurate, right?
(The dog takes in a few pets from the group and then heads back out into the party looking for some more attention, and hopefully some table scraps.)
ICE as ICE: Alright, have a good night boy!
ZMAC as Orbit: Which that bitch Hyena left that quickly.
DEE as Omega: One could say Hyena is all fright and no bite.
Orbit as ZMAC: One fuckin’ could, if one wanted to sound like a dorky bitch.
(Just then PJ, still in his Alex Richards, outfit comes from the crowd and joins the other four.)
ICE as ICE: PJ, where the fucking were you?
PJ as Alex: Just being crazy like you said to be.
(A random women, dressed as Chelsea of course, comes walking by, slaps PJ on the face and then keeps moving along.)
DEE as Omega: What the heck was that about?
PJ as Alex: I pinched her butt as I walked by her just now, you know all “crazy” like.
(The group shares a head shake as a man comes walking up dressed like the Godfather of Wrestling.)
Eddie as Cairo: Psst, ICE, what up?
ICE as ICE: Eddie, you fucking made it. Hey guys, meet Eddie, he is My Dealer!
Eddie as Cairo: Shhh ICE man, be cool, not so loud about that shit.
ZMAC as Orbit: Now we are fuckin’ talking about how to have a party.
Orbit as ZMAC: So, Eddie, you went as Bobby Cairo, huh?
Eddie as Cairo: I figured the man seems to be have a good head on his shoulders. Besides I wasn’t going to go as that human turd Omega man.
(They all laugh and look over at Dee’s frown.)
DEE as Omega: I am just trying to help my friend ICE prepare for him match! Shut Up!
(Dee runs off like this is a junior high dance and not a party for adults.)
PJ as Alex: Don’t worry, I will go get him.
ICE as ICE: What PJ? I mean you never care about the feelings of fucking others?
PJ as Alex: Sounds crazy right? Just playing my part.
(PJ heads off in the same direction that Dee’s spazzing cries are coming from.)
Eddie as Cairo: You have some strange friends, ICE.
Orbit as ZMAC: We be his friends, yo.
Eddie as Cario: Oh, shit, you didn’t let me finish, I was saying ICE you have some strangely large and scary friends who I really don’t want to get hit by...and with that said, see ya later.
(Eddie makes a quick exit through the sea of people.)
ZMAC as Orbit: Shit Man come the fuck back! What you holdin’!?!
(ZMAC follows the dealer like the mice did the piped piper leaving just ICE and Orbit to look around at the party that is beginning to pick up as the liquor begins to flow freely.)
Orbit as ZMAC: All these Chelseas probably ain’t helping you forget about your match at Helloween.
ICE as ICE: No they are not; speaking of that, how you feeling about hurting Livewire some more?
Orbit as ZMAC: Bitch is about to be singing the blues.
ICE as ICE: Fuck man, between the two of us we have squashed that bitch so much the mere mention of the Vapor Kings is going to make him piss himself.
(The two Kings of the WCF laugh and begin to head deeper into the people to find some more mingling...
...monster cam is back on the air. Still outside of the house, now in the back yard it creeps along until he sees its next victim. Sitting there taking a fresh dump is Satan’s Pizzza, ICE’s dog. He is doing that kicking things dogs do to cover him their shit when he looks over to see the killer coming his way.)
Satan’s Pizza as Hyena: Ruff!
(The killer cam wobbles back and forth as he comes closer and closer.)
Satan’s Pizza as Hyena: RUFF!!!
(Satan’s Pizza begins to bite and scratch as the monster cam swarms over him.)
Satan’s Pizza as Hyena: RRRRUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFF!!!
(And with sudden silence the horrific moment is over...
...time for fight for our right to....PARTY!
...ICE and Orbit have made their way over to the buffet table and are picking a few snacks as one of the many women that look like Chelsea come walking up to the two Vapor Kings.)
Vicki as Chelsea: Hey there ICE, how is it going?
ICE as ICE: Pretty fucking good, nice look.
Vicki as Chelsea: Thanks, I did it myself, took two cans of blue spray paint. Who is this?
ICE as ICE: Fucking Steve Orbit! You knew that.
Vicki as Chelsea: I did, I just wanted you to introduce me to me. Hey, I am a big fan...like a HUGE fan!
Orbit as ZMAC: Most are.
ICE as ICE: Yeah Orbit, this is Vicki, she is one my neighbors...she is a divorced mom.
Vicki as Chelsea: Oh come now ICE, we don’t need to tell him that.
Orbit as ZMAC: I don’t mind an experience woman.
ICE as ICE: She has three kids and two of them are in college.
Orbit as ZMAC: Damn, maybe not that experienced.
Vicki as Chelsea: Damn you ICE! Now speaking of my kids, I brought the youngest Timmy, but I don’t see him around here.
Orbit as ZMAC: How the fuck old is Timmy?
Vicki as Chelsea: He is 11...why? You not afraid of becoming a dad?
Orbit as ZMAC: Just making polite conversation lady, back off.
Vicki as Chelsea: Damn....wait there is my little Timmy. TIMMY! TIMMY OVER HERE!
(The young lad comes walking over to his mother and looks up at the great Steve Orbit.)
Orbit as ZMAC: You the fuck are you supposed to be?
Timmy as Seth: I am WCF Owner and Boss...Seth Lerch. “Now do this, do that! Where is my Mommy!”
ICE as ICE: Holy shit, you nailed it.
Vicki as Chelsea: Hey, watch the language around my kid.
ICE as ICE: Sorry, but the kid did fucking nail it.
Orbit as ZMAC: Yeah, the fuckin’ kid really did. I mean the stupid haircut, the boring outfit and of course the size is the fuckin’ best part.
Vicki as Chelsea: Well thank you Steve, I did make the costume myself.
ICE as ICE: How come you don’t get mad at him for swearing?
Vicki as Chelsea: Because he is Steve Orbit and you are not.
ICE as ICE: Why are people always reminding me of that?
(Just then from across the party you hear the screams of a woman. The screams turn into calls for “ICE!! ICE!! THERE’s A FIGHT! ICE!!!” and the group is quick through the people towards the high pitched wails. ICE sees Dee calling for help first and then stumbles onto the scene to find two men fighting...well actually he finds ZMAC kneeling down on top of a man dressed like WCF’s gravedigger. ICE grabs his next punch and pulls ZMAC off the beaten down man.)
ICE as ICE: ZMAC! What the fuck!?!
ZMAC as Orbit: I fucking am kicking the shit out of Gravedigger.
ICE as ICE: That isn’t fucking Gravedigger, it is the owner of the Foam Lake junkyard, Carl.
ZMAC as Orbit: Oh...shit. Guess I just fucking saw him and went red.
(Orbit is helping the old Carl to his feet as ZMAC is brushing the hair away from his face.)
Carl as Gravedigger: I can relate, same thing happens to me all the time since Vietnam.
DEE as Omega: Are you okay Carl?
Carl as Gravedigger: Sure, I guess, but if that is just a taste of the whopping well then I just feel bad for the real Gravedigger.
ZMAC as Orbit: A lot of fucking people do, but that doesn’t stop us for kicking his ass.
Orbit as ZMAC: Come on Carl, let’s get you some fuckin’ ice for that black eye of yours.
Carl as Gravedigger: Oh I must have hit my head harder than I thought; for you look like a black guy.
Orbit as ZMAC: What the shit did you just say?
Vicki as Chelsea: Excuse him Steve; we don’t get many African Americans around here.
Timmy as Seth: Mommy? Is that going to be my new daddy?
Vicki as Chelsea: We’ll see, we’ll see, why don’t you run and get mommy a drink.
(Timmy runs off as Vicki looks over as Orbit who looks back like “bitch be crazy”. Steve helps Carl over to the bar as Vicki is following him like a lonely puppy...like a very lonely puppy.)
ZMAC as Orit: That man treats women like property and they fucking love him still.
ICE as ICE: The fucking guy has a way with the ladies all right.
DEE as Omega: Probably because he has a large penis.
(Both ICE and ZMAC shoot a WTF look at Dee.)
DEE as Omega: What?! Because of the stereotype about black guys and them having big...well...you know, things.
(Rather than risk having him talk more, the two Kings just look away. Just as Dee is hoping for any kind of distraction, one comes, as the Foam Lake priest Father Ron comes walking over to their group.)
ICE as ICE: Father Ron, how’s it fucking going? And who the fuck are you supposed to be?
ZMAC as Orbit: You look like Cindy Fucking Lopper.
(They are indeed puzzled by his mix and match costume that includes: a pair of skinny jeans, a leather jacket, aviator glass and a long haired wig that is multi-colored with florescent colors.)
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: Well ICE after our talk yesterday about two of your team mates and their religious collection I thought going as a mix of both Seifer and Steeltoe would be perfect.
DEE as Omega: The best of both worlds, one could say.
ZMAC as Orbit: More like the worst of both worlds.
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: Well, either way, I kind of like this party.
ICE as ICE: You wasted aren’t you father?
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: Indeed, why do you think I am having such a good time.
(As father begins to pour himself another drink from the flash he had in his jacket pocket John Beckman makes his return, in a new outfit.)
John as Steeltoe: Hey there sinners.
ICE as ICE: Who the fuck are you now?
John as Steeltoe: Just call me Steeltoe John, the Pastor of Disaster!
ZMAC as Orbit: But that fucking dude is already a Steeltoe rip-off.
(John looks over a Father Ron and his bubble again bursts.)
John as Steeltoe: OH COME ON!!! Not again.
(John storms off.)
ZMAC as Orbit: What the fuck is with your crew always running off like bitches?
ICE as ICE: I don’t fucking know, they are messed up in the head I fucking guess.
DEE as Omega: Yeah John is messed up...wait, I did that to! That’s not nice to say!! At least wait till I have run off to say it behind my back, geesh!!
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: Well since no one else is chasing after him, I might as well see if I can help out.
ICE as ICE: Just so you know father my brother John isn’t really the religious type.
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: That is okay...neither am I.
(Father Ron heads off towards the front of the house leaving the three alone again.)
ZMAC as Orbit: I wonder if Buddy is here yet, he said he was going to show.
ICE as ICE: Hey, I haven’t fucking seen him yet.
DEE as Omega: Same for Buck Fucker.
ZMAC as Orbit: Who the shit is that? Your boyfriend?
DEE as Omega: No. He isn’t my boyfriend.
ICE as ICE: He is just some asshole we used to hang out with in high school.
DEE as Omega: PJ said he would be here tonight.
ICE as ICE: What does PJ now about that?
DEE as Omega: He was the one who gave him an invitation to the party.
ICE as ICE: I am going to kill PJ next time I fucking see his fat ass for that.
(Speaking of killing, we head from the inside of the party to the outside...
Monster cam watches as Father Ron walks onto the front patio. He looks around for John Beckman, but sees someone else instead.)
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: Well look who is it.
(Monster cam keeps stalking the unaware Father Ron.)
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: Have you see ICE’s brother out here at all?
(Monster cam shakes back and forth.)
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: No, huh, well let me know if you see him later, okay?
(But nothing is okay as monster cam strikes again.)
Father Ron as Steeltoe Seifer: LOOOORRRRRRDDDDD HEEELLLLLLLP MEEEEEEEE!!
(And the scene is over quickly, just like the others have been...
...back inside the party is just getting started...
...The WCF dressed party goers as enjoy some dancing and really enjoying some drinking as ICE is leaning against a wall. He waves a few cute Chelsea’s as the walk by who wave back and hide their lust for him behind a few giggles. ICE smiles and is about to try some innocent flirting when someone grabs him by the shoulder from behind.)
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Hey Man, where are you going?
ICE as ICE: I was just about to see how those ladies are doing.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: You don’t need them, Buck Fucker is Here now.
ICE as ICE: Actually they seem a little more interesting than you at the moment.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Naw, you don’t need them...HEY LADIES! HE IS ALL MINE! GET LOST!
(The two attractive females look confused and repulsed as they make a quick exit from the scene.)
ICE as ICE: So glad you could make it Buck.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Eh, I know you are just being sarcastic or whatever when you say that, but man I fucking did you a favor. Your actual Chelsea would be pissed to see you talking with two fine ass honeys like that anyhow.
ICE as ICE: Do me another fucking favor Buck and get the hell out of here.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: I ain’t going anywhere; this is Buck’s big return night.
ICE as ICE: This is a fucking WCF themed party Buck, where is your fucking costume?
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: I am going on the soon to be Rookie Sensation of the WCF, Buck Fucker, but even more extreme, like not just Buck Fucker but...(yells)....BUCK FUCKER! You know man?
ICE as ICE: I wish I didn’t.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: So when are you helping me make my debut in the WCF ICE man?
ICE as ICE: What is fuck is longer than fucking never?
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: You fucking funny man, always with the jokes, but I will tell you one thing, people don’t laugh when they hear the name Buck Fucker.
ICE as ICE: I don’t think that sounds right.
(Just then PJ, still dressed as Alex Richards, come up to the two guys. PJ high fives Buck Fucker as soon as he sees his old pal.)
PJ as Alex: Buck Fucker! You made it, That is AWESOME!
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Yeah PJ man, I fucking did, and that’s for the invite.
PJ: Of course man, hey ICE, look it is our old pal, Buck Fucker.
ICE as ICE: Remind me to kick your ass later PJ.
PJ as Alex: Oh man, do I have to?
ICE as ICE: Yes.
PJ as Alex: Oh man.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Oh come on now ICE, just relax and have a good time.
ICE as ICE: Good idea.
(ICE walks away.)
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: I am almost starting to get the feeling that ICE man isn’t happy to see me.
PJ as Alex: Don’t worry about him, he is just worried about having to kick his woman’s ass.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Well, PJ, I would love to catch up, but I got some business to take care of.
PJ as Alex: Alright, Buck, good luck with that, see ya around later.
(The two part ways...
...monster cam is back outside in the shadows of the house. Stalking through the night air it comes across not just one, but two of its next victims. Sitting on the yard swing is Eddie rolling as joint as Vicki walks up to him.)
Vicki as Chelsea: Hey, can I get in on that?
Eddie as Cairo: Sure, I suppose....five bucks.
Vicki as Chelsea: Where is your party giver spirit?
Eddie as Cairo: Sorry lady, I gotta eat.
(Vicki digs through her purse and then plants the five spot in the dealer’s hand. She then sits down next to him on the swing as he hands her over the lit joint.)
Vicki as Chelsea: I needed this, I think my brat chased off Steve Orbit.
Eddie as Cairo: Well then maybe I should borrow your son, cause I can’t keep this McMorris guy away from me tonight...he keeps wanting to know what kind of buying in balk discount I give him.
Vicki as Chelsea: Well if I don’t get laid soon, I am going to burst.
Eddie as Cairo: Maybe I can help with that.
Vicki as Chelsea: Oh yeah....
(Vicki smiles at Eddie, Eddie doesn’t move.)
Eddie as Cairo: What you want?
Vicki as Chelsea: Just kiss me moron.
Eddie as Cairo: Oh...OH...sure!
(The two begin to make out while Monster Cam is sick of watching and wants to get in on the action. He strikes at Eddie first! As Eddie falls to the ground Vicki begins to give a few classic horror movie screams before begin to scoot away from the disgusting scene. But Monster Cam is quick to its feet and soon gets to Vicki as well.)
Vicki as Chelsea: NOOOOOO!!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!
(Monster cam has claimed two more souls as the night continues to rage on...
...back in the party Orbit turned up the music just in time so no one could here Vicki scream.)
ICE as ICE: Turn that bitch up Steve.
Orbit as ZMAC: That is what I am known for after all.
(An old man comes from the other room just staring at the direction of the Vapor Kings with a puzzled look on his face.)
ICE as ICE: Oh great, not this guy.
Orbit as ZMAC: What? Another confused cracker seeing a black guy for the first time?
ICE as ICE: No, well maybe, but this is the guy who adopted me as a kid, well him and his wife.
Skip as Deuce: Don’t I know you?
ICE as ICE: Do we have to go through this every time we meet?
Skip as Deuce: We have met before?
Orbit as ZMAC: Real caring father you got here ICE.
Skip as Deuce: ICE! That’s it! I knew I knew ya!
ICE as ICE: Nice of you to fucking dress up as Deuce Gonzo, Skip.
Skip as Deuce: I feel like fucking hippy in this outfit; wife made me wear it.
Orbit as ZMAC: You’re supposed to be a reporter.
Skip as Deuce: In this outfit? Hell, in my day reporters dressed in suits.
ICE as ICE: We used to have one of those, whatever happened to Scoops.
Orbit as ZMAC: Hot on the trail of some story I suppose.
ICE as ICE: Or not hot...like at all....
Orbit as ZMAC: Like he is dead?
ICE as ICE: Just saying the guy was older than people making fun Alex’s appearance or Jay’s irradiate behavior.
Skip as Deuce: Damn you kids, with your bee bop talk and backwards conversations, I don’t know at all what you two are talking about.
ICE as ICE: We were just fucking-
Skip As Deuce: No, keep it to yourself for I don’t care. Now I am going to go get going, I heard rumors of a black guy around here.
(Orbit can only shake his head as shrugs his shoulders with no explanation for the townspeople that live in the town he calls home...
...Monster Cam is again at work, watching as he houses’ side door opens and out walks Skip dressed as gonzo reporter, Deuce Murdock. The old man is grumbling about something as he lights a cigarette.)
Skip as Deuce: Maybe the black man is out here, it is dark out here after all.
(Skip exhales the smoke as Monster cam creeps towards him from behind.)
Skip as Deuce: I would like to see at least one Black man before I die.
(Another pull from the Lucky Strike cig...his last of the night.)
Skip as Deuce: Wait, doesn’t that ICE fella owe me a new shed?
(Skip turns to head back to the party only to find himself being attacked by the killer!!...
...the party is at maximum fun as the people are jumping up and down with the rhythm of the music. As they rock out beer splashes from the cups and down to the carpet. ICE, Orbit and ZMAC are all feeling the grooves thanks to a little, well a lot, of help from some illegal party favors. Just then a man walks up to them with a white sheet over him like a ghost.)
ICE as ICE: Who is this now?
ZMAC as Orbit: Looks like a fuckin’ mound of blow, I like it.
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: My client has a one track mind indeed.
Orbit as ZMAC: Fuckin’ Buddy Roman! Is that you?
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: The one and only, son.
ICE as ICE: What are you going as?
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Why the Ghost of Pantheon of course.
ZMAC as Orbit: Fuckin’ right man.
ICE as ICE: Well now that Buddy is here we can kick this party into the next gear! WHO IS FUCKING READY TO PARTY!!!!
(The people all cheer their Champion and get ready to keep dancing when the music stops and the lights go on...killing the mood instantly. Everyone stops dancing, stops drinking and turns towards the stereo where the Mayor’s wife is standing, a worried look on her face.)
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: I am sorry everybody, I can’t find my husband anywhere. He has been missing since the beginning of the party!
DEE as Omega: What? When did you see him last?
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: I sent him to get the ice from the truck. But that was hours ago!
ICE as ICE: Well I am sure he is just taking a break from the party, is anyone else missing?
ZMAC as Orbit: I haven’t seen that Eddie Dealer chump lately and I my party favors are starting to get scary low.
Orbit as ZMAC: And come to think of it that Vicki seems to be missing too.
Timmy as Seth: What happened to my mom?
Orbit as ZMAC: Guess that bitch is dead.
Timmy as Seth: WHAT!?
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Don’t say that Steve, you are liable to scare the young man. I am sure his mother is just hurt horribly at best.
ICE as ICE: This is getting stranger than Hyena and Cormack insisting on having a private locker room all to themselves.
DEE as Omega: Yeah, ICE where is your dog? And where is Father Ron?
Steve as ZMAC: And for that matter where is that fuckin’ old raciest cracker?
ZMAC as Orbit: I thought that wasn’t Gravedigger wasn’t fuckin’ here.
ICE as ICE: I think he is talking about my old father Skip.
DEE as Omega: And PJ IS MISSING TOO!!
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Okay, that is it! Something is up! I am calling the cops.
ICE as ICE: You know the Foam Lake Police turn off their phones at 5 every night. Wait a fucking moment, everyone that is missing is someone dressed up like a wrestler in my match at Helloween.
Orbit as ZMAC: Well every fuckin’ body but you ICE and this skinny Jay Omega man over here.
DEE as Omega: Hey thanks for not saying anything worse than skinny. Wait...what about buck fucker?
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Wait, I thought we already established that Gravedigger isn’t here.
ZMAC as Orbit: That’s good shit Buddy.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Well we need to do something! I mean I miss my husband, but I also don’t want to go down as having thrown a bad party and 7 missing people would probably lead to that opinion.
ICE as ICE: Actually 6 missing people, and one dog.
Ms. Mayor as Chelsea: Fine, whatever! We need to split up and search for them. Everyone pick a search buddy and then let’s head outside.
ZMAC as Orbit: I fucking have to be with Steve.
Orbit as ZMAC: We be havin’ that fuckin’ championship bond and all.
DEE as Omega: Hey ICE, wanna be my search partner?
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Sorry boy, but my son and I will be searching as the other half of Team VK.
ICE as ICE: Sorry Dee, why don’t you find Buck Fucker, he is often alone.
DEE as Omega: Wait? Buck Fucker is missing too.
ICE as ICE: I knew it, that big stupid asshole is behind this, I guarantee you. Now let’s go get him people!
(Everyone scatters to search for the Buck Fucker. The mayor’s wife heads off with Carl, as the Tag Champs go their way and ICE and Roman head outside I search of the missing as well, leaving Dee all by himself....
...Dee is taking slow and deliberate steps as he creeps along the lawn. He is all nerves as he looks around for any sign of anything. But even though he is nothing but cautious worries he doesn’t seem to notice that Monster Cam is watching him from the tree line.)
DEE: Stupid ICE, picking Buddy over me. I mean does Buddy clean his cabin for free, No!
(He continues to be stalked without even knowing it.)
DEE: Does Buddy work hard on making a scrap book for each match he has fought in, NO! Well maybe, but I highly doubt it! And if he does, I bet it doesn’t have the great details that mine does.
(DEE turns just before the monster comes down upon him.)
DEE: There you are.
(We can see the monster’s arm comes down from behind the camera slashing at Dee!)
DEE: NOOO!!!! I DON’T WANT TO DIE A VIRGIN!! AHHHHHHHH!!!
(But it is too late...
...ICE and Buddy are walking around the backyard, discussing WCF matters of importance.)
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: No matter what happens?
ICE as ICE: Trust me Buddy, the only thing I love more is winning.
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Just as long as your are ready.
ICE as ICE: The Pack needs to be a taught a lesson, this is the Vapor King’s federation.
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: I knew I would hear that from you son, I just wanted to make sure.
ICE as ICE: Trust me, after Helloween the Pack will once again know it’s place.
(Just then ICE hears the same high pitch yelling he heard before when ZMAC was attacking the non-Gravedigger. He knows those screams anywhere...unfortunately.)
ICE as ICE: That’s Dee! EVERYBODY COME HERE! I FOUND BUCK FUCKER!!
(ICE runs around the side of the house just in time to see a dark shadow figure carrying Dee into the woods. ICE runs after the monster. He is guided by the full moon that is hanging high in the October sky. ICE runs down the hiking path until he reaches a clearing. Buddy is soon behind him...both stop in their steps as they look at the scene before them. Soon the rest of the remaining party goers have also come thanks to ICE Beckman’s call to them. They are all speechless for a few moments as they look over across the ground to see the bodies of the Mayor, Skip, Father Ron, Dee, Eddie, Vicki and ICE’s dog, Satan’s Pizza. Everyone is speechless when John Beckman comes walking up.)
John: Alright I have decided to go as myself like ICE.
(Mrs. Mayor sees he husband on the ground and little Timmy sees his mom on the ground and both begin screaming!)
John: Well fine, I don’t need this party anyhow; I have a bottle of wine chilling for me back at my hotel anyhow.
(John storms off; hopefully for the last time this night.)
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: What the hell happened here?
ICE: Buck Fucker happened here.
ZMAC as Orbit: What kind of stupid ass name is that anyhow?
Orbit as ZMAC: Yeah, I was fuckin’ wondering that too actually.
ICE as ICE: Long story...it involves a hunting trip, a deer he named Bambi and way too much beer.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Someone do something for my hubby!
Timmy as Seth: And for my Mommy!
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Who is the kid supposed to be anyhow?
ZMAC as Orbit: Fucking Seth Lerch.
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Oh my, that is perfect.
ICE as ICE: You guys see if anyone is still alive, I am going to find Buck.
(ICE turns and bumps right into Buck.)
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: So ICE, looking for me huh? Ready to help me join the WCF?
ICE as ICE: After what you did here, no fucking way.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: What I did where? I have been in the bathroom for the last few hours. Yeah, I had to take a major dump. Feel like a just gave birth to a little black baby...no offense Man.
Orbit as ZMAC: Hell, I am actually surprised you didn’t use the fuckin’ N word when you said that shit.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Wait, if you didn’t do this...who did?
PJ as Alex: BOOOO!!!
(PJ tackles ICE from behind and begins to attempt something that we all first saw on a nature program when the daddy lion would get behind the mommy lion and well, you know.)
ICE as ICE: PJ GET THE FUCK OFF ME!!
(ICE flips onto his back and kicks the fatty friend of his off him. ICE then stands up and begins to brush leaves off his jeans.)
PJ as Alex: What? I thought you would like that? I am being Crazy, Outrageous, just like Alex Richards.
ICE as ICE: By fucking killing all these people?!
PJ as Alex: I didn’t kill them, I only Dry Hump Raped them.
ZMAC as Orbit: Bet they wished he had just killed them.
Timmy as Seth: Wait, my mommy is still breathing.
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: Same with my hubby!
PJ as Alex: Like I said they aren’t dead...just really drunk.
ICE as ICE: Now this is really drunk; even for me.
PJ as Alex: Well after I finished Dry Hump Raping them they all ran off in shame, well expect for Dee, he just fainted. That’s when they all found this.
(PJ holds up a big empty bottle with three X’s on the side.)
Mrs. Mayor as Chelsea: My husband’s moonshine! That stuff is more flammable than lighter fluid.
ICE as ICE: Guess they wanted to forget the memory of PJ’s attack.
PJ as Alex: You mean my Dry Hump Rape?
ICE as ICE: Yes, that.
Orbit as ZMAC: You can’t fuckin’ blame them.
ICE as ICE: Simple, wake them up, we got a party to finish.
PJ as Alex: Yeah we do!!!
ICE as ICE: Not you, you are going to take my dog back to my cabin and wait there.
PJ as Alex: But I was crazy. Buck Fucker stand up for me?!
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: Sorry bro, even I think you went too far.
Orbit as ZMAC: Coming from a man who sexually assaulted a deer, that is sayin’ something right there.
Buck Fucker as BUCK FUCKER: He it was consensual!
Buddy as the Ghost of Pantheon: Crazy is a fine line between success and failure.
ZMAC as Orbit: And you fuckin’ crossed it tonight, tubby.
PJ as Alex: But...but...isn’t this what you wanted ICE?
ICE as ICE: Not at all, PJ. I got enough on my plate this week without have to fucking deal with you and whatever this is about...now fucking take my dog and go!!
(PJ slinks his head and walks away, with Satan’s Pizza still passed out, in his arms. PJ gets to the path and looks back at the conscious are beginning to help the passed out wake from their drunken stupor. PJ looks at the mayhem he caused and smiles and softly says to himself.)
PJ as Alex: This is the only beginning...the Dry Hump Rapper will strike again.
(And like the end of a horror movie the camera pans out with the help of some eerie music. Past the bare branches of the trees, past the midnight clouds that have faded away, up to the point of just black where we give you a moment to ponder what it all means before it truly ends.)
The bearded bloke will soon fail,
A bad dog can only just wail.
The rich boy will just cash out,
Fat crazy blows the whole big bout.
Blue gets bluer in the end,
Beaten by her lover best friend.
Can time heel all fresh wounds?
One will know after many moons.
(Natural ICE Beckman is sitting in his hotel room. All the lights are off as he looks out the window at the Xcel Center. He watches the large titan-tron on the outside of the arena flash images about tomorrow night’s big WCF event as he finishes off a joint and a drink.)
ICE: Fuck Seth, Fuck The Pack, Hell even Fuck Team ICE...come Helloween, I have a point to prove, a statement to make and only one thing is for sure....it won’t be My Horrific Nightmare of a Night.
(ICE puts the joint out his the remnants of his whiskey drink as he continues to sit in the dark waiting for tomorrow night. But before we go we see him check his phone and sees no new text messages from his favorite contact. Business wins in the end I suppose.)
WCF Halloween Costumes...
WCF: The Halloween Party